Other "Why won't anyone roleplay with me?"

[FoolsErin]

Good for you then. I personally can’t comment on this problem because I don’t really do 1x1s, and have overall gotten lucky when it comes to groups; all of the failures I’ve been in died because of reasons other than the GM jumped ship.

 

[Dutch]

Heh yeah sorry bout that. I mean the OG post was inspiring, give you that, I think we started in on something someone said early on about ghosting . . . and well one thing lead to another and here were are nostalgic adults going ape shit!

 

[rae2nerdy]

FoolsErin Opinionated people mostly. Good news is we are all more or less on the same page.

The core argument boils down to - don’t be an ass, communicate with your partners, and millennials and newcomers aren’t ruining the roleplay community.

We’re all still having fun it just sometimes takes a bit more work than we would like to find that perfect partner.

PS: epic pun in your username

 

[FoolsErin]

Thank you for the tl;dr. Saves me a couple minutes of scrolling through paragraphs of writing.

...I don’t know what else to say except thanks for appreciating my pun.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Thank you for the tl;dr. Saves me a couple minutes of scrolling through paragraphs of writing.

...I don’t know what else to say except thanks for appreciating my pun.

I love puns, my next username is gonna be a pun with my name too. I’m very excited about it.

And yeah it seems a lot more contentious than it is because you got people with strong convictions on either side. But it was more or less nerds arguing semantics for most of it. Then it moved onto the idea that roleplaying is always been kind of a crap shoot in terms of partners. You just get more picky as you get older.

Also a quick side tangent on how some folks don’t roleplay with kids because of possible legal issues. (It’s only illegal if it’s smut, but parents might still be strict and not want their kids roleplaying online)

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

Good for you then. I personally can’t comment on this problem because I don’t really do 1x1s, and have overall gotten lucky when it comes to groups; all of the failures I’ve been in died because of reasons other than the GM jumped ship.

I wasn't aware anyone was talking specifically about 1x1s. Never done them, never will.

Perhaps you should actually read up on the conversation prior to horning in.

 

[FoolsErin]

I wasn't aware anyone was talking specifically about 1x1s. Never done them, never will.

Perhaps you should actually read up on the conversation prior to horning in.

Yea, I admittedly didn’t catch a page and a half of the thread. Sorry if I was mistaken somewhere.

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

You're fine. I was just stuck in debate mode a bit. Writing (despite my lack of skill at it) is far more than a hobby or pass time to me. It kept me off the streets, out of jail, and away from drugs. Probably saved my life, but I like to give myself a little more credit than that.

I love your avatar, btw. So cute.

I apologize for being a little harsh. It got away from me.

 

[scorpiodragon]

I'll be honest. If anyone my age or has been around to remember Xanga when it was active. I used to have a blog on there (I was 18) and got introduced to blogging/the site by a 13 year old. My grandmother saw me on the computer chatting with this 13 year old about blogging stuff you know and she asked me what I was doing. I told her and she was like "Be careful of chatting with people under 18" or something along those lines. Even though I was doing nothing inappropriate with the kid, my grandmother's advice has stuck with me as I have grown older. So though I don't know if you could legally go to jail or be arrested for talking to someone under 18 I imagine it might differ state to state or even country to country. I've never looked up the laws before on that so to be safe, I just don't RP with anyone under 18 or at the very least, I put the minimum age at 17 but that is extremely rare and I believe has only happened once with a now sadly dead 1x1 private RP. I even found out one person (I won't mention their username) was fifteen or something who used to give me grief for my RP Clover Hills and finding out from another RPer in my group they were underage and how they act...it really unsettled me.

I can say though, I was on feral front before I left (you know the stupid RP website that pretty much has only warrior cats) and got a warning for how I RP and 'breaking the rules of warrior cat lore' mumbo jumbo. Due to that website apparently caters to/has a ton of minors and they said they were not comfortable with my RPing, both with my age due to their being a lot of minors, not following the lore of warrior cats (like I had one cat inadventurely describe sex to another cat which apparently 'does not happen in warrior cats'-I've never gotten into that series and think of it like that), and the detail I put into my RPing. So I pretty much said "the hell with this" and left the site.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I think it really is a case by case thing. I also started out on a site that catered to minors but was so heavy monitored that there was never a fear of anything inappropriate happening (seriously I got kicked off my account for spamming the interest check by not waiting exactly 24 hours between posts, the mod team was no joke)

So because of this I never developed any kind of fear or discomfort of roleplaying with people younger. Especially since all the inappropriate stuff I got was actually people who knew my age and were older than me.

Like a lot of people think being over eighteen meant I was down for smut or half naked pics posted in my DMs.

Never happened when I was roleplaying Harry Potter with thirteen year olds let me tell you.

So if anything I’m like the opposite of most people. I actually don’t like a lot of the people in my age bracket cuz they can be rude or overly interested in smut.

Not that I really have an age limit but I’m a lot more worried about an issue with people in their twenties than in their teens.

(I mostly just worry the teens and I aren’t on the same work schedule)

 

[FoolsErin]

I'll be honest. If anyone my age or has been around to remember Xanga when it was active. I used to have a blog on there (I was 18) and got introduced to blogging/the site by a 13 year old. My grandmother saw me on the computer chatting with this 13 year old about blogging stuff you know and she asked me what I was doing. I told her and she was like "Be careful of chatting with people under 18" or something along those lines. Even though I was doing nothing inappropriate with the kid, my grandmother's advice has stuck with me as I have grown older. So though I don't know if you could legally go to jail or be arrested for talking to someone under 18 I imagine it might differ state to state or even country to country. I've never looked up the laws before on that so to be safe, I just don't RP with anyone under 18 or at the very least, I put the minimum age at 17 but that is extremely rare and I believe has only happened once with a now sadly dead 1x1 private RP. I even found out one person (I won't mention their username) was fifteen or something who used to give me grief for my RP Clover Hills and finding out from another RPer in my group they were underage and how they act...it really unsettled me.

I can say though, I was on feral front before I left (you know the stupid RP website that pretty much has only warrior cats) and got a warning for how I RP and 'breaking the rules of warrior cat lore' mumbo jumbo. Due to that website apparently caters to/has a ton of minors and they said they were not comfortable with my RPing, both with my age due to their being a lot of minors, not following the lore of warrior cats (like I had one cat inadventurely describe sex to another cat which apparently 'does not happen in warrior cats'-I've never gotten into that series and think of it like that), and the detail I put into my RPing. So I pretty much said "the hell with this" and left the site.

Lemme guess, the “not following warrior cats lore” was about that “traditional naming” bullshit?

 

[Dutch]

Honestly I don't even like being romantic in character with a writer under 21. Like they're still 10 or more years younger than me, I feel wrong and like I should only be RPing platonic content with them. Problem is I love romance in my RPs so to avoid the inevitable discomfort I just ask for people 20+ or 21+ which honestly is easier to find partners off RPN than on RPN.

 

[FoolsErin]

Honestly I don't even like being romantic in character with a writer under 21. Like they're still 10 or more years younger than me, I feel wrong and like I should only be RPing platonic content with them. Problem is I love romance in my RPs so to avoid the inevitable discomfort I just ask for people 20+ or 21+ which honestly is easier to find partners off RPN than on RPN.

Ooh yea, I get that. That would make me uncomfortable too if it were me.

 

[Dutch]

Ooh yea, I get that. That would make me uncomfortable too if it were me.

Yup. It's generally never a legal issue for me. It's always my own comfort and really I feel like someone 18 learning their partner is 31 throws them too. It just makes sense to set limits.

 

[scorpiodragon]

Lemme guess, the “not following warrior cats lore” was about that “traditional naming” bullshit?

They never really said. I just got pissed and didn’t respond. I think they had issue with my making a cat that was starting a cult as not being “warrior lore” and at least sunfur talking of ‘sex’ with an apprentice, plus my one kitty pet choosing not to join river clan because the others see coming at my character hostile.

 

[FoolsErin]

They never really said. I just got pissed and didn’t respond. I think they had issue with my making a cat that was starting a cult as not being “warrior lore” and at least sunfur talking of ‘sex’ with an apprentice, plus my one kitty pet choosing not to join river clan because the others see coming at my character hostile.

Okay then. That’s a lot to swallow. Anyways, my thoughts on these complaints as a Warriors diehard.

1. Cult-like groups have existed before in Warriors, though it’s mostly been outside influence making a clan not a clan. Still, nothing says that internal cults couldn’t manifest.
2. Sure conversations like that have never happened before in Warriors, but that’s because they are KIND OF KIDS BOOKS. Expecting a roleplay on a place for more freedom to have similar barriers as the books is dumb in my opinion.
3. There’s been kittypets who haven’t joined clans despite hanging around clan cats, staying on clan territory, and perhaps even partially being in said clan before. Also, I think your character is reasonable to not join a pack of hostile-looking cats, not disobedient to the lore because you’re not immediately tossing away your collar and embracing the wild within when said wild seems unfriendly and hostile.

 

[Dutch]

I have never read Warrior Cats, it was never part of my childhood, and every fucking time it comes up I can't help but think of MBMBAM.



@ 3:07 is like the real truth of the internet! >D​

 

[rae2nerdy]

Honestly I don't even like being romantic in character with a writer under 21. Like they're still 10 or more years younger than me, I feel wrong and like I should only be RPing platonic content with them. Problem is I love romance in my RPs so to avoid the inevitable discomfort I just ask for people 20+ or 21+ which honestly is easier to find partners off RPN than on RPN.

So for me I have always found it more about compatibility than age. Like I tend not to do the kind of romance that kids are interested in anyway so I weed out people based more on lack of shared interests than a setting a specific age range.

It's the same thing with ghosting I've found. I don't specifically tell people "Please don't ghost", if anything I tell them the exact opposite, "I don't care if you ghost." But I am also very chatty in roleplays. I'll tell you just about everything you need to know about me. When I'm having trouble with a post, when I might have some time away from keyboard coming up, etc. And I've found that this tends to make people mirror me a lot more organically then demanding they never ghost me because it's rude or whatever.

Similarly while I never ask my partners to be a specific age or gender I do put my age and gender in the search thread. This way if they aren't comfortable with roleplaying with me they don't have to ask me any awkward questions later on. If they happen to not care and fit the rest of my requirements than hey welcome to the roleplay.

(BIG EDIT : 8:26am EST)

 

[SsniperXD]

My my~! What a lovely post. Keeping our roleplay community motivated. Thats the spirit~♡

 

[CecilDMMasters]

Very good advise. I've met many a 'desperate RP seeker' on DA that should read this. They literally hit up anyone that posts something with the word RP in it without taking interest into account and wonder why they never keep a partner. When RPing it's quality over quantity. No reason to RP if both sides aren't having fun.

 

[Shadow Rose]

I like this sentiment and all but when you've been looking for around 3 to 4 years and havent gotten a single one, whether they've all ghosted you, or just lack of interest so no one responds, it makes it feel like nothing more then a waste of time. It's why i dont post searches anymore, or respond to any because well if I was any good I'd have at least one person stay but I'm lead to believe I suck. I even had one person essentially tell me that so I cant help but think its true. At the end of the day I just want a friend goddammit but I cant even have that much.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I like this sentiment and all but when you've been looking for around 3 to 4 years and havent gotten a single one, whether they've all ghosted you, or just lack of interest so no one responds, it makes it feel like nothing more then a waste of time. It's why i dont post searches anymore, or respond to any because well if I was any good I'd have at least one person stay but I'm lead to believe I suck. I even had one person essentially tell me that so I cant help but think its true. At the end of the day I just want a friend goddammit but I cant even have that much.

That is low self esteem talking. We will always be on our own worst critics. No one is else goes around judging us or putting us down or spending time thinking about how much we suck. That is an entirely internal problem.

the people who do tear you down don’t do so based on skill set but based on your emotional responses. They want to hurt you and so they target your insecurities.

I know this because I don’t give a flying fuck what other people think of my writing talents and no one ever bothers to critique them. Because it’s no fun if they can’t hurt my feelings or I don’t get upset.

I don’t assume this is because I’m some flawless next level role player. I know this is because I’m a self confident bitch who won’t take no one else’s crap.

So yeah the key is to not take it personally. And sometimes just put yourself out there. If you really are here to make friends Che k out the genera/personal discussion forums. All kinds of random chit chat there and ways to make friends

 

[Shadow Rose]

That is low self esteem talking. We will always be on our own worst critics. No one is else goes around judging us or putting us down or spending time thinking about how much we suck. That is an entirely internal problem.

the people who do tear you down don’t do so based on skill set but based on your emotional responses. They want to hurt you and so they target your insecurities.

I know this because I don’t give a flying fuck what other people think of my writing talents and no one ever bothers to critique them. Because it’s no fun if they can’t hurt my feelings or I don’t get upset.

I don’t assume this is because I’m some flawless next level role player. I know this is because I’m a self confident bitch who won’t take no one else’s crap.

So yeah the key is to not take it personally. And sometimes just put yourself out there. If you really are here to make friends Che k out the genera/personal discussion forums. All kinds of random chit chat there and ways to make friends

I've tried that. Not on here persay, but even in a place that's not dedicated to RP people just leave. All the time.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I've tried that. Not on here persay, but even in a place that's not dedicated to RP people just leave. All the time.

well that’s just IRL responsibilities. I mean I work five days a week and have a lot going on in my life. Most of my role plays end before the first post. But it’s not really a huge deal to me. Since I understand everyone has stuff going on and roleplay is a hobby for when you have the free time.

 

[CoconutLeaves]

I often feel like that in some RP's and I think there are several reasons that people who feel they're left out might be because of the following:

1. The person you're roleplaying with doesn't like how you roleplay. This may be because they feel how your character responds is unrealistic or not to their taste. They may want more detail or less detail or don't like your writing style.

2. The GM doesn't like how the RP is progressing. Had one where the GM just didn't like how it was going and shut it down.

3. Your character doesn't fit the other characters. Are you in a school rp and you play a 50 year old Janitress who also happens to be a single mom while the others play teenagers with love issues? Get ready to be ignored.

4. Your quality drops. I feel like as roleplays progress, you may feel like it's hard to find inspiration to write what your character does and the others can tell because it lacks that enjoyable spark.

5. You roleplay safe. This is something that I feel like new roleplayers tend to do unconsciously. They don't want their characters to get hurt unless it's on their terms. This can really show your inflexibility as a roleplayer and you need to fix it.

Of course these are my opinions. And while you can ask for honest critique, people don't really want to give it. So just keep persevering.