Take A Favourite Game And Make It Sound Awful.

In the beginning, there was civilisations. Many florsihed, including the Swedish, English, Russians, Greeks, Indians and Egyptians. However, the Greek king decided to make an area that he didn't technically own and said "No one settle there, or I'll kill you, and then tbag your leader's corpse,". The Swedish, as their people wanted whales from that region even though they only heard of it by one lone trader with sucky creditability, settled there. The Greeks were outraged and took the city. Soon, everyone except India was called in and soon, and everyone was devastated. It got to the point where the English were shooting arrows at tanks because of their lack of resources and technology. But then, someone changed everything


That man was Gandhi 


He discovered how to make a nuke and in a act of stupidity in search for world peace, he launched nukes to every country on Earth. Everyone was devastated except the Russians, who fled on a ship for Mars while everyone decided the Russians won because they were in space


Civilization
 
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You must telekinetically manipulate an endless supply of rainbow pentominoes to the ground of a dark, black, featureless, two-dimensional void while avoiding tall towers that you yourself had built in the past in order to align the objects perfectly so that it triggers an automatic response from the nothingness itself which shunts the arrangement out of existence, making room for yet even more of the twisting entities to come down and slot themselves into whatever position they desire.


- Tetris
 
Trust (no longer online) said:
Xcom:


View attachment 157250
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#dead (I love X-Com: Enemy Unknown. I used to collect Canadian soldiers and max them out. My file started out with one lonely Canuck. I named him Sean Pentecost, and he lasted almost the entire game before he died)






Skyrim


No one cares who you are, and it doesn't really matter because the Imperials are about to chop your head off, so you decide.


You begin as a prisoner of the Empire bound and aboard a wagon destined for a tiny town on the asscrack of Tamriel, but that doesn't matter either, because it's about to destroyed.


Status update, a dragon has crashed your beheading party, and he seems pretty upset. Looks like you'll have to frantically run around this tiny town on the asscrack of Tamriel, hands still bound, so forget about defending yourself, that shit stopped when you let Imperials ambush you at Darkwater Crossing (ya fuckin' genius).


So you've survived your first dragon attack. Now you can chose between factions you really know nothing about yet, but one keeps referring to you as "Prisoner" (tough choice).


Your hands are untied, and you can steal the gear off some dead guy named Gungir (he won't be needing it anymore).


Now all you have to do is get out of this rickety old keep crawling with rival faction members. Oh and, possibly an angry bear.


Made it out in one piece? Congrats, you aren't a complete screw-up.


Now you're on your own kid. What's that? Your next objective?


11514-animated_gifchat8etf.gif



If you're that needy and co-dependent, follow your buddy to Riverwood. If you wanna be a Dragonborn, figure it out for yourself, kid.
 
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You have died. You have died.


"Oh god, not more of this!"


You have died. You have died. You have died.


"Why? Oh what possessed me to do this to myself?!"


You have died. You have died. You have died. You have died.


"Why'd I buy more of this?! What is wrong with me?!"


You have died. You have died. You have died. You have died. You have died.


"AUGHHGHHHHGGGHHH!!"


- Any Dark Souls DLC
 
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Fallout: New Vegas


You are a lowly grunt working as a courier for Mojave Express. You've been contracted to deliver a mysterious and mystical platinum chip -cue eerie music- to an undisclosed location you never actually reach because you're ambushed by some two-bit gangster named Benny, shot in the face and left for dead.


51948ac5013dd78f7b5c1ef98570e175.gif



Just shut up and listen, this is a compelling story, I haven't even got to the Deathclaws yet!


Benny leaves you for dead, taking the mystical platinum chip -cue eerie music-. Luckily, a random Securitron robot has taken pity on you and saves your ass, bringing you to a sketchy old doctor in a tiny desert town. Using crude, rusty post-apoc medical equipment, Doc Mitchell saves your life, removing a bullet from your skull, and fixing you up just like it never happened. Now that you're back on your feet with a brand new face, it's time to get some much deserved revenge, and hunt this shady Benny character down for some answers.


The next 100+ hours of your life will be spent trekking repetitive post-apoc desert landscapes, collecting bottle caps,  and avoiding any intimate contact with Deathclaws, at least until you can handle yourself a bit better.


You'll be attacked by sadists, bitten by feral radiation zombies, tossed around by Super Mutants, drink dirty water, probably develop more than 1 addiction to chems, suffer from radiation poisoning, and run out of ammo for your best gun at the worst possible times.


The one good thing about it all? You get to kill Benny. :D
 
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Your ten? Here have a tiny creature that could kill you and go catch more, oh and while your at it to beat people who had their creatures for years, singlehandedly defeat a highly dangerous gang, capture the local God and become the very best, like no-one ever was.


Any main Pokemon Game...
 
You point a gun.


People fall over.


Quality content.


- FPS as a genre
 
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Welcome to "insert cringey fantasy name here", our new MMORPG of the new era!


Meet exciting characters! (NPCs who will repeatedly give you generic Extermination and Fetch quests, no matter who or where they are)


Explore expansive dungeons! (The same three rooms copy pasted repeatedly with new coats of paint)


And find exotic treasure! (Weapons engraved with numbers, and designs that become more edgey as the game progresses. Plus, gold. Which you will spend on said edgey, number-coded weapons).


Join us with our Intuitive gameplay mechanics (slash and point hands at things until they stop moving), and enjoy the wondrous world of "insert cringey fantasy name here!", "Insert even more cringey catchphrase".


-MMORPGs. Mostly the dungeon crawlers.
 
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Continuously fall down giant statues until you murder them, which wakes up your girlfriend and turns you into a baby.


-Shadow of the Colossus
 
Tap stuff to buy shit.


Buy shit to tap stuff.


Tap stuff to buy shit.


Buy shit to tap stuff.


Spend real money to tap more stuff and buy more shit.


Repeat until either your soul or wallet is empty.


-Mobile Games


Edit: I'm literally depressing myself by breaking down all my favorite (and non favorite) genres of video games.


Help. 
 
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A young boy travels to different worlds along side a talking dog and duck using the power of friendship in order to find his friends and defeat the darkness.


Kingdom Hearts
 
Angel girl is causing nasty weather in your home country that's even crazier than the bipolar weather in Florida? Well, maybe that's not the worst thing that could happ--


Wait, hold the fricking phone. Throw all that koombaya crap out the window. An earthquake just wrecked your precious shrine?


Get mad! Solve this problem the Gensokyo way: question every waifu who gets in your way and beat the ever-loving crap of them! ...Wait, they're not the real cause of the bad weather forecast? Meh, they had it coming. Now go finally beat up that angel girl!


Phew, all her special attacks are over...all her health is down.....


>This starts playing










>CrapCrapCrapCrapCrapCrapCrapCrap


This isn't even my final form


>Get absolutely wreckteronni'd by red laser spam


>Rage quit as your chances at beating the story without a continue die with you


>Feelsbadman.jpg


- Touhou 10.5: Scarlet Weather Rhapsody
 
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Ever thought the console wars were great? Yeah me neither. But apparently someone did! (Nobody does!) Well here's the game based on console wars! Except now they're anthropomorphized as anime magical girls!


So this game is all about that! Console wars, and shit. Oh, fight monsters. Dungeon crawl. Have kawaii anime conversations. Watch your favorite console reveal her naked form as a kawaii anime girl in magical transformations. You know, everything you'd associate with the console wars.


Also theres like... Companies too. And even.. the Dreamcast?! Sega?! Oh god.


-Neptunia series
 
You are a Guardian. An ancient warrior sent by traveler that has the ability to control its mystical energy called 'Light'. Feel free to to feel good about that title, because there are several thousand people better than you. Wake up and greet your ever loving (and incredibly annoying) companion Nolandroid (or Dinklebot if you're in Year One), who had recently revived you from the dead. Basically making you a zombie.


Now that your zombie ass has got a shot of adrenaline, go back to the Tower in the shittiest ship you've ever seen to meet your Vanguard. An antisocial witch lady who thinks her plans are better than others, a commander with no sense of fun, and the actual fun Vanguard that slacks off because he can't go on missions anymore and it confined to the Tower. Proceed to decrypt your engrams from the bullshit Cryptarch,and then proceed to go through a quest line with no storyline what-so-ever in order to defeat a alien species' supposed "Evil God" in order to "protect the city". So you've beaten the main quest line? Great! You've done something that everyone who has Destiny has done in hour! Now, what to do next, play in Cruicible against players who will kill you over and over with their superior skill trees and DLC Supers, or play the raid which you need friends to play with, instead of regular matchmaking system that Strikes have (cause be honest, none of us have friends). Oh! I KNOW! YOU CAN BUY THE FOURTY DOLLAR DLC WHERE YOU TRAVEL TO (insert place) AND FIGHT OFF THE EVIL FORCES OF (insert corrupted foe here).


Destiny
 
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Gears of war3


ah nightmare! 


Get brother, kill bad guys


Oh no my friend made the  boat explode


kill more badguys


oh look dad is still alive, let me jut risk everything to save him


kill bad guys


my brother died ;^;


kill more bad guys


oh no now my dad died ;^;


shank the bitch that got him killed
 
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Kick people and hold the fire button. - Bulletstorm.


Farming simulator 2016 - Warframe


You're a girl in school. You are encouraged to savescum - Life is Strange
 
"HOW DID YOU GET PAST MY GUARDS!?"


"I spammed the counter button and won"


"What about the stealth missions!?"


"The path is basically made for you and guards are on a specific schedule, anyone with a brain can do that"


"Damn you Ezi-grk" *ded*


-Assassin's creed 2, Brotherhood, and Revelations 
 
"Commander, your next order,"


"Ya, go there where there is zero cover. I doubt there would be an alien there,"


*Soilder goes there. Gets murdered by aliens*


"WHAT THE FUCK!!!!"


A few missions later


"ADVENT has won,"


"Oh fuck you game,"


-XCOM 2
 
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