Other favourite creative insults?

[soapteeth]

so, i find that insults are a lot more fun when they're bizarre- you don't even necessarily need to swear to get the roast across, y'feel me? that being said, what are your favourite or most creative insults?

for me, it's a toss up between "when you die, they'll take one look at your ugly mug and cremate you twice" and calling someone a coffin-dodging oxygen thief. both are pretty roasty, in my opinion.

 

[Windsock]

You sound like a skrumpgoblin, having a 'favorite' insult. Insults hurt the insulter and the insulted.

 

[It_Do_Be_Like_Dat]

"You're as inconvenient as an ingrown toenail" Is a favorite of mine to be honest.

 

[AnimeGenork]

Anything that's Shakespeare

YOU EGG

 

[kevintheradioguy]

"If you're a man and you have balls, don't let me suspect their abscence".

 

[It_Do_Be_Like_Dat]

"If you're a man and you have balls, don't let me suspect their abscence".

That's so eloquently worded that I feel like it's being said by a lady in a historical fiction book who's being courted by a cowardly, immoral suitor.

 

[kevintheradioguy]

That's so eloquently worded that I feel like it's being said by a lady in a historical fiction book who's being courted by a cowardly, immoral suitor.

No, it's all me.
Admittedly, it does not work well with women.

 

[It_Do_Be_Like_Dat]

No, it's all me.
Admittedly, it does not work well with women.

shh let me dream haha

 

[Lord Aphrodite]

I came up with this after being awake for twenty hours straight.

“You are the twice-wrinkled gum wrapper under my shoe. A disappointment of Shakespearean proportions. You are the corruption of genetics that doesn’t deserve respect or admiration. You belong in the Ninth Ring of Hell in the mouth of Satan the Son of Morning, you insolent cretin. Your one redeeming quality is drunkenness, and you don’t even do that remotely well. I’d say no offense, but I meant as much offense as a German blitzkrieg did in World War II.”

Nothing I say or do will ever top this insult. It kinda hurts to know that I peaked this early in life.

 

[It_Do_Be_Like_Dat]

I came up with this after being awake for twenty hours straight.

“You are the twice-wrinkled gum wrapper under my shoe. A disappointment of Shakespearean proportions. You are the corruption of genetics that doesn’t deserve respect or admiration. You belong in the Ninth Ring of Hell in the mouth of Satan the Son of Morning, you insolent cretin. Your one redeeming quality is drunkenness, and you don’t even do that remotely well. I’d say no offense, but I meant as much offense as a German blitzkrieg did in World War II.”

Nothing I say or do will ever top this insult. It kinda hurts to know that I peaked this early in life.

You absolute God- I bow before you

 

[lexnoblade]

You're creepier than the 65 y/o Mr. Johnston swiping right on Danielle Cohn's Tinder account with a furry profile picture added with the random indian man DM'ing somebody with "hello you are most beutful woman ever please may i have puss pics."

Your parents wish they were fortunate enough to have the opposite chromosomes inside of their DNA that lead to your creation. Your parents regretted you so bad they wish you were a miscarriage.

I'd rather be forced to cuddle with an abusive, high, drunk shitfaced woman in a bed laced with needles of Crocodil than be unfortunate enough to turn in your direction. I'd rather suck the carbon dioxide from a decapitated man's grave dating back to the 16th century than breathe the same carbon molecules that graced your skin.


there

 

[Abendrot]

 

[It_Do_Be_Like_Dat]

"you look like the product that gets soaked up by a really shitty beauty blender"
"You're a doo-doo head and you should feel bad"
"You're no longer invited to my birthday party"
"You are literally the biggest oxygen-thief since the O'Haire Air Company"

and many, many more..

 

[venom]

"you'd struggle to pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel"

 

[It_Do_Be_Like_Dat]

"you smell like my summer long, dysphoria-induced depressive episode"

 

[Abendrot]

 

[bee.knee.exe]

Wishing for someone to get shit on by birds is my favorite.

 

[AlexneushoornTheGreat]

"Your child has such a shit attitude, they would make Bart Simpson and Dennis the Menace look like sweet little angels."

 

[Idea]

Ah, so many to choose from Blackadder... I guess I'll pick the one that probably resonated the most with me:

Lord Mitchel: Talking to yourself, Blackadder?
Blackadder: Yes, it's the only way to have an intelligent conversation.

 

[Sylvio]

“You look like rejected Mulan concept art”

 

[crumbelivable]

"Are you so stupid that you answer rhetorical questions?"

Seriously, Xavier Renegade Angel is full of great insults.

 

[AlexRex]

Anything from monty python lol...

Or said by my grandma

Me: you look nice today granny

Her: well , someone had to!

=/ ...

 

[Abendrot]

 

[Wandering Seraph]

I enjoy intensely specific metaphorical insults.
Examples:

- "Listen, you pathetic wire coat hanger"
- "You mediocre waste of organs"
- "Okay, you sexist grapefruit"
- "If you were a spice, you'd be flour"
- "If you were a condiment, you'd be expired mayonnaise"
- "You are the human embodiment of an unsalted rice cracker"
- "You are the personification of a white crayon"
- "May your path in life be paved with legos"

Curse words just don't land like they used to. Gotta get creative.

 

[It_Do_Be_Like_Dat]

I enjoy intensely specific metaphorical insults.
Examples:

- "Listen, you pathetic wire coat hanger"
- "You mediocre waste of organs"
- "Okay, you sexist grapefruit"
- "If you were a spice, you'd be flour"
- "If you were a condiment, you'd be expired mayonnaise"
- "You are the human embodiment of an unsalted rice cracker"
- "You are the personification of a white crayon"
- "May your path in life be paved with legos"

Curse words just don't land like they used to. Gotta get creative.

"You already-thrice-zested lemon" theres another one