Experiences Why do people ghost so easily on RPN?

[Natasha4E]

The anger was never targeted at me, either. And at the time I didn't think it was that bad, what I was going through. It wasn't until much later that I realized I had all kinds of odd coping mechanisms and triggers and fears I wouldn't have had otherwise.
I am glad you found a way to co exist with her and to make it easier for yourself.

 

[Edric Blight]

I just read a bit through the topic about what makes you angry in a role play. And now I understand a bit better why people ghost.
Some people get upset over nothing. Over little stuff. Over every single thing that is not to their liking. Over things that have nothing to do with them.
If I'd had partners, blow up over nothing a few times, I'd not take the chance anymore, and I'd just ghost when something felt wrong, instead of trying to communicate about it. This is a hobby after all. Why make things difficult for yourself?

Well the ghosting never results from me blowing up over nothing lol. usually I just type up a response in a RP and then bam, they go away. I don't freak out or pester them, I just leave it alone. Just saying how it sucks that people ghost so much on online roleplaying sites, it's nothing toxic that I've done to them. If it was, then I should re-evaluate myself and I shouldn't have even made this post in the first place.

 

[Natasha4E]

Well the ghosting never results from me blowing up over nothing lol. usually I just type up a response in a RP and then bam, they go away. I don't freak out or pester them, I just leave it alone. Just saying how it sucks that people ghost so much on online roleplaying sites, it's nothing toxic that I've done to them. If it was, then I should re-evaluate myself and I shouldn't have even made this post in the first place.

I know.

 

[Inno]

I just read a bit through the topic about what makes you angry in a role play. And now I understand a bit better why people ghost.
Some people get upset over nothing. Over little stuff. Over every single thing that is not to their liking. Over things that have nothing to do with them.
If I'd had partners, blow up over nothing a few times, I'd not take the chance anymore, and I'd just ghost when something felt wrong, instead of trying to communicate about it. This is a hobby after all. Why make things difficult for yourself?

^This right here. Some people, definitely not all, take things way too far over this hobby. I've had people get really angry or uncomfortably clingy outside of the roleplay to the point where they expected me to only write with them. I get that people feel in a certain way about ghosting but every situation is different. Then taking into consideration, life happens. Family and work which is more important, in my opinion, than roleplay. Sometimes things outside of someone's control happen. I think the best thing is to not take it personally and move on. We've all been ghosted. It happens.

 

[Edric Blight]

I don't really get angry and I certainly don't get clingy when ghosted. In fact quite the opposite, I give them space and never contact them again either.

But I do get kinda sad cuz it's a bit disrespectful just to leave and not even notify. Like I'm not your toy that you can drop when you're feeling bored, I'm a human so at least let me know. But if you're gonna be an asshole about it and leave me then whatever, I'm not gonna be annoying and clingy nor pester you about it.

Adding on to this, I have found that since joining this site and making this post, I've been ghosted a ton so I have kinda gotten used to it to the point where I can handle it much better now. I don't get as sad, but I do certainly take it personal. Luckily now I'm just numb to it now, but I still will continue to think that it's disrespectful because- well it kinda is. There's a human behind the screen everyone, just so you know.

This isn't directed at anyone I just wanted to make my thoughts on the matter known since things have certainly changed in the past few months.

 

[Inno]

I don't really get angry and I certainly don't get clingy when ghosted. In fact quite the opposite, I give them space and never contact them again either.

But I do get kinda sad cuz it's a bit disrespectful just to leave and not even notify. Like I'm not your toy that you can drop when you're feeling bored, I'm a human so at least let me know. But if you're gonna be an asshole about it and leave me then whatever, I'm not gonna be annoying and clingy nor pester you about it.

Adding on to this, I have found that since joining this site and making this post, I've been ghosted a ton so I have kinda gotten used to it to the point where I can handle it much better now. I don't get as sad, but I do certainly take it personal. Luckily now I'm just numb to it now, but I still will continue to think that it's disrespectful because- well it kinda is. There's a human behind the screen everyone, just so you know.

This isn't directed at anyone I just wanted to make my thoughts on the matter known since things have certainly changed in the past few months.

While you did say this is not directed at anyone, it kind of feels like that to a degree.

Here's the thing and no offense but no one is talking about you in particular. I, myself, am speaking on what I've experienced from others over the years of roleplay and why people ghost. That's cool that you don't get angry or clingy but there are plenty of others all over communities that do.

I'm going to be honest with you. Like it was mentioned above, this is a hobby. No one is obligated to give a heads up. It's nice when it happens but if it doesn't, just move on. No one owes anyone anything. Roleplay is not a job where someone has to check in with a manager.
Dwelling on it is only going to cause you unnecessary problems. I mean, if you want to take it personally, that's really on you.

 

[The Random Fox]

It's irritating as hell when people ghost. It even more irritating when someone joins on a whim and then after a few posts in THAT'S when they tell you they don't like this genre or that genre and instead of trying to work around it, they just flat out quit but then get mad at YOU because they can't be bothered to read a request thread. Like why bother joining? if you don't like that I love romance and I write short paragraphs then don't join, plain and simple.

Same when they stop a role-play but claim to want to talk and be friends but get mad when someone doesn't share anything in common with them and block you on Discord. Like excuse me for being different. And if they stumble upon this post, they know who they are. ANYWAY, yeah ghosting sucks and I tend to take it personally because it's a mental flaw of mine even though it most likely isn't anything personal by others like everyone else has said.


Unless it's ruinightmare

 

[Edric Blight]

It's irritating as hell when people ghost. It even more irritating when someone joins on a whim and then after a few posts in THAT'S when they tell you they don't like this genre or that genre and instead of trying to work around it, they just flat out quit but then get mad at YOU because they can't be bothered to read a request thread. Like why bother joining? if you don't like that I love romance and I write short paragraphs then don't join, plain and simple.

Same when they stop a role-play but claim to want to talk and be friends but get mad when someone doesn't share anything in common with them and block you on Discord. Like excuse me for being different. And if they stumble upon this post, they know who they are. ANYWAY, yeah ghosting sucks and I tend to take it personally because it's a mental flaw of mine even though it most likely isn't anything personal by others like everyone else has said.


Unless it's ruinightmare

I agree with everything there pretty much lol. Totally sympathize with you here.

 

[Edric Blight]

While you did say this is not directed at anyone, it kind of feels like that to a degree.

Here's the thing and no offense but no one is talking about you in particular. I, myself, am speaking on what I've experienced from others over the years of roleplay and why people ghost. That's cool that you don't get angry or clingy but there are plenty of others all over communities that do.

I'm going to be honest with you. Like it was mentioned above, this is a hobby. No one is obligated to give a heads up. It's nice when it happens but if it doesn't, just move on. No one owes anyone anything. Roleplay is not a job where someone has to check in with a manager.
Dwelling on it is only going to cause you unnecessary problems. I mean, if you want to take it personally, that's really on you.

That wasn't my intent at all lol. If you choose to take it that way tho that's fine, I get it.

None taken, thanks for clarifying.

I get where you're coming from but I do find it a bit disrespectful. I'm not asking for a daily check in but it'd be nice if people keep in mind that there's another human behind the screen eagerly waiting for the next time you are going to respond. I'd much rather have someone tell me they don't think we are compatible and our styles don't mesh and tell me that they're disinterested in the RP than be ghosted without a trace. That's just me tho and I understand that people somehow don't seem to mind being treated like an item lol. I just am not a fan of getting really engaged and into an rp and then bam, ghosted without being let know. Like come on I put my time and effort into responding only for you to not like the RP and not tell me? My problem is not with people just not enjoying and RP anymore, I'd love to be honestly told if you're gonna leave me hanging or if you don't like me and my RP style lol.

But, I am a highly flawed individual. My mental health is shit so I tend to let these small things get me depressed or in a bad mood. Being treated like garbage irl and online hurts an my depression doesn't help it. Plus, I use this hobby of RPing to escape my depression, so it hurts when I'm ghosted online too. I already get "ghosted" enough irl, I don't need this to happen to me online so much. It sucks, but I'm not gonna come after you if you do ghost, and I'm certainly not gonna go around slandering you. Hell I've just moved on past the individuals who have ghosted me, but it's the action itself I'm not a fan of. But I will admit I'm most likely in the minority here because I have shitty mental health and an awful mental attitude. I know I shouldn't feel this strongly against the act of ghosting but I kinda do. I'm flawed I know, but like I said, I use this hobby to escape depression.

But luckily I think I've managed to just deal with it because it's common place here and seemingly accepted as just something that's "ok" and not disrespectful. I'll personally never ghost and be honest with my partners, and I'll get over ghosting when it happens to me- but I will always regard ghosting as something that's just plain disrespectful to do and a complete act with disregard for your partner and their feelings. Luckily I have a solid few partners I have some RPs going on with rn so I'm not as concerned about it as I was when I originally made this thread.

 

[The Random Fox]

Mental illness sucks all sorts of eggs, I know. And it really does hurt when people seemingly get your hopes up and just blatantly leave without warning. It certainly made me feel like I'm not worth role-playing with and have thought several times about just leaving, but I'm trying to make it work even though my writing skills are nothing to brag about. Honestly having to feel expected to write in super lengthy, world building novellas and doubling or even tripling really makes me nervous and even disheartened because I just can't get the mental motivation for it.

 

[Edric Blight]

Mental illness sucks all sorts of eggs, I know. And it really does hurt when people seemingly get your hopes up and just blatantly leave without warning. It certainly made me feel like I'm not worth role-playing with and have thought several times about just leaving, but I'm trying to make it work even though my writing skills are nothing to brag about. Honestly having to feel expected to write in super lengthy, world building novellas and doubling or even tripling really makes me nervous and even disheartened because I just can't get the mental motivation for it.

Oh yea it does. Like just outside of this whole site and in real life in general, mental illness sucks a lot. Add on to that, people just leaving you and abandoning them. I like to make the analogy like you're their toy. They have the attention span of a rat and don't wanna play with you anymore after starting something so they just move on and ditch you without telling you and move on to someone else to probably do the same thing to them once they get bored after just barely starting that RP.

But yea, I totally sympathize with that thought. I've often thought (and seen first hand) that people have a superiority complex so when they see someone like me who joined the site relatively recently (for me, February of 2022), they see me as "less than" and some inexperienced plebeian that they wouldn't bare to RP with. Like yea, just cuz I'm new to RPing and this site doesn't mean I'm an awful partner or that you shouldn't RP with me lol.

And yea, my writing skills aren't anything special or like a beautifully written novella that can get published by some big company, but I'm literate and my writing style is engaging and gives you something to respond to. I'm never making my partner write the whole story or giving them nothing to work with, and I certainly NEVER do boring and lame one-liners.

It's just that man, getting ghosted is so disheartening. I find that I almost lost motivation to even be on this site at all. Luckily, I have a few good partners who I have something going with that keep me here on this site, but I'm certainly done with looking for new people because everyone's so full of themselves on this site lmao. Hopefully one day in the future, the stigma of roleplaying with newer users to the site will fade away or something.

 

[Inno]

Add on to that, people just leaving you and abandoning them.

Forgive me, but do you mean this in a reference of real life or roleplay?

 

[Edric Blight]

Forgive me, but do you mean this in a reference of real life or roleplay?

I misworded what I was saying there, I meant ".... people just leaving you and abandoning you," not "them."

And I mean this in reference to irl and this roleplaying site.

I understand not everyone has suffered rejection and abandonment on this site or irl like I have, but it doesn't make it hurt any less lol, especially the irl stuff, but it's not fun on this site either.

 

[The Random Fox]

Well anyways I definitely do wish you luck. And I am trying my best to keep going on. Surely there are loads of people who write like me. The perfect partners are here somewhere, just got to keep looking.

 

[Inno]

I misworded what I was saying there, I meant ".... people just leaving you and abandoning you," not "them."

And I mean this in reference to irl and this roleplaying site.

I understand not everyone has suffered rejection and abandonment on this site or irl like I have, but it doesn't make it hurt any less lol, especially the irl stuff, but it's not fun on this site either.

I get where you're coming from. Not going to lie though, the whole abandonment as far as with the site is kind of making me feel in a way though.

 

[Edric Blight]

Well anyways I definitely do wish you luck. And I am trying my best to keep going on. Surely there are loads of people who write like me. The perfect partners are here somewhere, just got to keep looking.

Thanks so much dude. I wish you the best of luck as well if you are still on the search for a good partner. It's a long long process, but eventually you'll find one or two diamonds in the rough that will stick with ya like I have found luckily. At this point I'm not as concerned with finding a ton of partners anymore, the 2 or 3 I have right now are pretty fine.

I seriously wish you the best of luck with your search. Just keep on going and eventually you'll find someone willing to stick with you and willing to RP something that you want to. There's gotta be someone out there who meshes well with your writing style.

 

[Onmyoji]

Sometimes people ghost because *they* are depressed. They might be feeling so bad that they have no mental capacity to communicate or they don't want to dump all their issues on someone they just met.
So it shouldn't go down to a generalization that everyone who ghosts abandons you out of boredom. They may feel as bad as you about this and have no courage to talk about it.

I'm not saying ghosting is fine, just don't want people who ghost to always be perceived as insensitive and doing it on purpose. Very often ghosting is rooted in real life which doesn't go well for people who ghost and roleplay becomes the least of their priorities, even if it was fun.

 

[nerdy tangents]

^^^ this so much. I think part of why I personally don’t view it as disrespectful is because it’s not a “a thing done to me” it is “a thing that happens”.

It raining on my way to work isn’t disrespectful to me because it’s not about me. It’s just a fact of life and I happened to get caught in the cross hairs.

So I think that’s part of the issue. 90% of the time people aren’t ghosting to be rude or to make you feel abandoned. They ghost because they either can’t help it (Ex. Their computer breaks) or they don’t have any better coping mechanisms for their own issues (Ex. Their avoiding conflict).

Which is why this narrative that “well I won’t do it because it’s rude and treats people like their feelings don’t matter” isn’t super helpful. Because that’s not what’s actually happening.

People aren’t just being rude and inconsiderate of other peoples feelings even if that’s what it feels like to you as an individual.

I don’t think I have ever had someone ghost an actual roleplay just cuz they were being inconsiderate. (I mean sure some people don’t answer a roleplay request but if it’s less then three posts into a conversation I don’t feel like that counts. )

But in a proper conversation it isn’t “well I just don’t want to talk to this person anymore so I’m gonna bounce.” They either legitimately forget they haven’t responded OR they have something come up IRL.

The amount of ghosting that is “this person is just rude and isn’t considering my feelings” is very very small.

And you can say “I won’t ghost” all you like but you can’t control what happens in life. What if your computer breaks? Are you gonna spend weeks worrying about if your partner hates you because you don’t have access to a computer?

What if your in a car crash or your parent dies or you have a panic attack? Are all these things you being disrespectful and abandoning your partner? (Of course not.)

Like legit the problem with making this a matter of manners is you place unrealistic expectations not only on yourself but other people. Life is gonna happen. You are gonna ghost, and chances are your partner isn’t gonna stress about it nearly as much as you are.

 

[Owlishnerd]

Truth be told, sometimes connecting with people is hard. I love writing with people but finding an attachment can be overwhelming for some others. I find that motivation to this craft also plays a deciding factor. If they just wanna focus on other projects. Maybe it's just time to let bygones be bygones. If they dug your vibe. They will come back.

 

[Broken Promise]

As someone who uses a few different RP sites, I do get somewhat nostalgic when I see someone talking about getting ghosted and claiming it is worse specifically in this one forum where they are posting. Every. Time. I haven't read the entire topic, but at this point I can more or less guess its contents.

Yes, 1x1 RP is hard. I can make a group RP and it'll magically last years. So long as I never throw in the towel, someone will keep posting. 1x1 is not something I participate in a lot because you are often filtering dozens and dozens of players, and it takes some time to find someone you click with. Ghosting is kind of annoying because it is harder to improve when you don't know why people are flaking out on you. However, more often than not, people ghost because:

-Bad experiences with prior members causes them to just flake without saying anything.

-Life, be it a vacation, emergency, etc.

-They don't like something you're doing.

-They don't like something THEY are doing, the RP isn't what they expected, ETC.

I don't fully get it myself. I always tell people when I wanna pull the plug, and I am usually told "well that's a shame" or they thank me for being open with them. I haven't encountered any super-clingy people, but we're all going to have different experiences.