Experiences To rehash an old topic...

[nondescriptname655433788]

Before I say anything, I respect everyone's boundaries and I have never lied about my age once to anyone online. This is in no way a push to change anyone's boundaries, it is me whining about it though, lol. I've heard every reasoning for the age limits, I know, I understand.

I've been on this site coming up on a solid three years and I've had issues with finding roleplays nearly solely based on the fact that I am not 18. The two times I thought I had something going they didn't realize I was a minor and we stopped after I informed them I don't think I've had a single long lasting roleplay, but I love this site nonetheless!
I have seen practically every thread of people my age and way younger complaining about that fact and I feel bad to add to the pile, but this is a bit of a different complaint. I am turning 18 in a few months and I noticed... THE AGE LIMIT IS GOING UP!!! I'm not particularly upset, i've been dealing with this for too long to care, I find this extremely funny! I always took solace in the the fact that "one day I'd be 18!" and now that we're here the bar is raised to 21+!! Drinking age?! It's just a roleplay!
Again, I understand everyone has their own personal reasons for keeping away from a particular age group, but this is ridiculous I never thought I'd need to get even older! At what point will I need to be 45+ for any roleplay...
Additionally, with the rise of AI, I find myself using that a lot to pass the time I spend waiting for a roleplay (lackluster is the most polite way to describe the experience). Then people have the audacity to make posts saying "just go roleplay". Oh, if only you knew... three years of waiting for nothing.

Anyway, I doubt anyone my age has been waiting this long. If I weren't a looney I certainly would have given up. This might just be a me issue. That makes it sadder in a way LMAO
(again, I'm not upset or angry :3 It's a little funny to me so I wanted to share, especially for the people who've seen every age limit thread in the history of this website. It'll never end at this rate XD)

 

[nerdy tangents]

edited a bit for clarity ;;

So I think what happens is that as people get older they want to roleplay with people that are their age or similar. So it's less about your age specifically and more about the fact that they're like five to ten years older then you and feel like the gap in life experiences will make conversations uncomfortable.

So it really isn't about you hitting an arbitrary age but the fact that you're significantly younger then them and they feel awkward about writing with you because of it.

 

[GrumpySwallow]

This is why, as a GM, I keep my RPs relatively "kid-friendly," avoid things such as Romance RP, and maintain a certain distance from my players (No RP Discord; everything is in its own thread on this site and RP chat stays in those threads) as this tends to eliminate any awkwardness and issues that may come from RPing with minors. Folks that have been RPing since Forum RP became a thing are now in their 30s and 40s, and I can understand why they might be uncomfortable with RPing with players much younger than they are, even if they are legally adults. I'm one of those "fossils," but I want to encourage younger folks to enjoy the hobby, not lock them out of it. I believe doing what I've stated above protects both the younger RPers and the older ones while allowing both groups to participate in the game.

 

[nerdy tangents]

I should specify I meant my comment to address 1x1 roleplays specifically. Because the discomfort is not really about the content of the roleplay so much as it is about two individuals not having a lot to talk about in the OOC.

Or rather that is the fear, personally I have never found it particularly difficult to talk to people based their age. But I think that’s the exception not the rule online sadly.

 

[Fairfax]

I mean,are that many people really increasing the age limit? Out of all the roleplays on the first page of the 1x1 interest check subforum, only two of the threads had an age requirement that was 20+ (admittedly there was one thread that I couldn't read due to coding, so let's be generous and say three).

Sure, that's a pretty small sample size but still.

 

[nondescriptname655433788]

I mean,are that many people really increasing the age limit? Out of all the roleplays on the first page of the 1x1 interest check subforum, only two of the threads had an age requirement that was 20+ (admittedly there was one thread that I couldn't read due to coding, so let's be generous and say three).

Sure, that's a pretty small sample size but still.

This is based off 3 years of service total, 3 years ago there were practically no checks with an age limit higher than 18+. Now there are plenty more. 3 on the first page is already 3x more as far as I'm concerned.

 

[nondescriptname655433788]

I should specify I meant my comment to address 1x1 roleplays specifically. Because the discomfort is not really about the content of the roleplay so much as it is about two individuals not having a lot to talk about in the OOC.

Or rather that is the fear, personally I have never found it particularly difficult to talk to people based their age. But I think that’s the exception not the rule online sadly.

Oh yeah, age difference OOC is pretty rough, I won't lie. Sometimes I can click with older people at times but uhh... there is certainly a generational gap.

 

[nerdy tangents]

Oh yeah, age difference OOC is pretty rough, I won't lie. Sometimes I can click with older people at times but uhh... there is certainly a generational gap.

That’s it in a nut shell ; generational gap.

Well that and I think a lot of people where thrust into the internet early without a lot of guidelines and ended up in toxic situations with older people. So it makes them uncomfortable to recreate a gap where they are in the position to be the older person “preying” on the younger person.

Even if they have no intention of doing anything untoward it brings up uncomfortable memories.

I’m lucky in that I never really had any truly toxic interactions online until I was well into my twenties and had the maturity to handle it on a relatively equal footing. As some sleezy perv coming at a twenty two year old is gonna get a different response then the same person going after a sixteen year old or younger.

 

[Sorin]

Well that and I think a lot of people where thrust into the early internet without a lot of guidelines and ended up in toxic situations with older people. So it makes them uncomfortable to recreate a gap where they are in the position to be the older person “preying” on the younger person.

Even if they have no intention of doing anything untoward it brings up uncomfortable memories.

I was trying to express this myself, but I couldn't put it into words. This is, personally, my biggest reason as to why I never want to write with someone that is more than three to four years younger than me (I'm twenty-five, for context). I struggled to find Roleplay partners as a sixteen to seventeen year old and came across some real nasty creeps, so I live in perpetual fear that I may ever, for any reason at all, make someone uncomfortable on accident.

 

[Fairfax]

3 years ago there were practically no checks with an age limit higher than 18+.

Is it possible that you just never noticed it before?

After all, if you're a decent bit under 18 (like 15 to pick a number) I don't think it's too farfetched to think that roleplays that had 20+ age restrictions might have blended together with those that had 18+ age restrictions as both were equally impossible for you to join.

But now that you're turning 18, you're more likely to notice those roleplays with a higher age limit.

 

[nondescriptname655433788]

Is it possible that you just never noticed it before?

After all, if you're a decent bit under 18 (like 15 to pick a number) I don't think it's too farfetched to think that roleplays that had 20+ age restrictions might have blended together with those that had 18+ age restrictions as both were equally impossible for you to join.

But now that you're turning 18, you're more likely to notice those roleplays with a higher age limit.

That could be it! I have no real way to prove anything at the end of the day.

 

[Solivagante]

I'd have no issue RPing with minors in a group RP, but that would be a hard line for me in 1x1 for a few reasons. One, as a queer adult, I can take absolutely 0 risks with 'influencing' other people's kids, especially in the current U.S. political environment. I wish that wasn't the case and that my identity didn't make speaking to teens feel dangerous, but it is and it does, so I'm not inclined to have any sort of private conversation knowingly with minors. Once you're legally responsible for yourself, maybe, but even then I'm gonna tread carefully with anyone who's much younger than me.

Two is the generational gap, specifically as it manifests in RP interests. I have no desire to RP as a teenager, and frankly even early 20s feels very young to me now. I also am looking for more nuanced stories/stories with depth, and while I won't rule out that teenagers can have depth in their writing, there's just a life experience difference which is hard to articulate but easy to feel.

Three is that some teenagers looking for RP are doing it kinda sorta as a substitute for something they're missing in their own lives (again, I did this too, and to an extent we all are) and especially since many 1x1s are romance-centric, I'm not comfortable filling that gap for a minor.

 

[Cresion Breezes]

Just go to another site.

Leave.

Fuck off.

For real.

I once got my entire RP stolen and remade by a bunch of people because they found out that I, the GM, was a minor and made another version of the RP that was basically my RP but excluding me, since they were "uncomfortable with being GM by a minor". I just packed up and left that site, I went other sites, discords, and even irl TTRPG events.

In an environment where everyone thinks it's reasonable or even better to exclude minors/younger people it'll just become more and more common and more accepted, or even feel required at some point. It's similar to a clique, you're just not gonna fit in because that's just how this community is. It's not really good or bad, it's just reality.

For real though, go search for greener pastures because no matter what people say or whether they're justified or not, their actions ultimately created a community where people like you struggle and feel unwelcomed. I know that most RPers are sorta introverted and not confrontational, but if you really gotta realize when being nice or raising concerns won't change a thing and just give up.

Be careful out there though, it is the internet after all.

 

[nondescriptname655433788]

Just go to another site.

Leave.

Fuck off.

For real.

I once got my entire RP stolen and remade by a bunch of people because they found out that I, the GM, was a minor and made another version of the RP that was basically my RP but excluding me, since they were "uncomfortable with being GM by a minor". I just packed up and left that site, I went other sites, discords, and even irl TTRPG events.

In an environment where everyone thinks it's reasonable or even better to exclude minors/younger people it'll just become more and more common and more accepted, or even feel required at some point. It's similar to a clique, you're just not gonna fit in because that's just how this community is. It's not really good or bad, it's just reality.

For real though, go search for greener pastures because no matter what people say or whether they're justified or not, their actions ultimately created a community where people like you struggle and feel unwelcomed. I know that most RPers are sorta introverted and not confrontational, but if you really gotta realize when being nice or raising concerns won't change a thing and just give up.

Be careful out there though, it is the internet after all.

Leave and go where? This is the most popular and functional roleplaying dedicated forum currently online. It's not as easy to just pack up and move as it has been because web 3.0 is shit, no one makes or uses forums anymore. No matter where I go I'm going to have the same issue, I've tried moving and I always end up back here because I've had the most success here. This was a lighthearted complaint at worst. I love this website, I'm not going to leave.
I've tried discord and irl groups and the immaturity and awkwardness is off the charts, forums are simply the way to go for roleplaying. I'm really not here to change anyone's mind I'm just expressing my thoughts on a public forum.
I am not a weakhearted individual, I don't cower and hide at failure. When I want something I pony up and get it. If I get rejected based off my age a thousand more times, so be it! I'll make it one day. I have hope :3

 

[bastion]

As someone 30, I wish adults weren't so hesitant to have friendships with minors. As long as the adult is responsible and maintains the appropriate boundaries it can be a really good thing for the minor since so many have few adults in their lives they can connect with. Plus if is great for helping us adults keep perspective on the changing times.

Sure we might not be able to relate to the struggles of school life now, but that doesn't mean we can't listen just like a minor can listen to our work life woes. Not to mention there's plenty of stuff to talk about interest-wise that isn't so age-based, like the rp or hobbies outside it.

 

[Cresion Breezes]

Leave and go where? This is the most popular and functional roleplaying dedicated forum currently online. It's not as easy to just pack up and move as it has been because web 3.0 is shit, no one makes or uses forums anymore. No matter where I go I'm going to have the same issue, I've tried moving and I always end up back here because I've had the most success here. This was a lighthearted complaint at worst. I love this website, I'm not going to leave.
I've tried discord and irl groups and the immaturity and awkwardness is off the charts, forums are simply the way to go for roleplaying. I'm really not here to change anyone's mind I'm just expressing my thoughts on a public forum.
I am not a weakhearted individual, I don't cower and hide at failure. When I want something I pony up and get it. If I get rejected based off my age a thousand more times, so be it! I'll make it one day. I have hope :3

My bad, thought you were looking for advice since this forum is usually about that. If you like it here then that's great, I was just talking about my personal experience from when I was a minor and it makes me boil over. I haven't seen anyone as shitty as the people I've ran into on this site at least, so there's that.

I think you'd LARP well as an adult. (Not promoting lying, just a very context specific compliment.)

 

[xpstitch]

I hear the older folks' explanations and understand, having been through something alike to that myself. I do notice though sometimes these hints of a sort of pretention at times.

Online and otherwise. I ironically (despite not being a teen), hesitate to rp with older folks for that reason.

I don't hang out IRL with older members of my community because at times they feel compelled to behave like they are passing out ancient wisdom from a rocking chair to me because they are 35+ and I'm 26 (worse because I look like 16 instead lol).

 

[gator]

You'll be over 21 for the vast majority of your life.

Don't rush.

 

[syzygems]

Hi, hi! Just thought I'd add my two cents in here as someone who prefers to look for partners who are above 21 in most cases!

To preface, I am 22. I've been roleplaying (not exclusively here) since I was about 13, so I understand those struggles from my early days. I list my roleplays as 18+, but I am still very selective and that's usually reserved for people I know outside of the internet or have roleplayed with before. It's just a simple interest in wanting to roleplay and communicate with people closer to my age and experiences. 18 and 22 might not seem like that big of a jump, but I am someone who is already out of high school AND college. I've had multiple jobs in both a casual part-time space and a full-time corporate environment. There's just a level of understanding and comfortability there. That's not to say there aren't people who are younger than me who have also done those things, it is just simply a personal preference of mine.

Going off of that point, I also really emphasize safety in my escapades online. Even if the roleplay does not involve anything romantic or the like, and of course 18-year-olds are adults, there is still that power imbalance that exists whether people want to admit it or not. It doesn't have to be concrete and aggressive to still be there. I think back on who I was at 18 and who I am now and they are completely different people. There are so many experiences you can gain from roleplaying, be they positive or negative. In many cases roleplaying with older people at that age, I often felt belittled or bossed around. Even now, I don't roleplay with people who are too much older than me, either.

And I know some people have also stated that more adults should be open to simply just friendships with minors, but I even draw the line there. For instance, in the part-time job I have now, I work with a few teenagers while they are on summer break. My interactions with them are simply that of coworkers. Of course, I'm polite with them and joke around as any friend would, but I would not seek any contact with them outside of work unless work-related. I give them advice on things I know I struggled with, but that's about it. Again, that's all about safety and boundaries.

I think my final point in reference to your mentioning that it's changing would be relating it to something we see in society in general: population pyramids. RPNation has been around for quite a long time. Many people on here are people who have been here for years, meaning that they grew with the website. While I have no idea the metrics of the ages of everyone on here, I would assume a good chunk are adults now and that might have a lot to do with why we are seeing a shift in age preferences. Many people joined when they were younger, perhaps minors themselves. That chunk is now older, meaning they prefer older partners. Just like population pyramids, that chunk will continue to shift up until inevitably they move on from roleplay and dwindle out. The process then restarts. It's a very interesting aspect of our world! For instance, our generation is going to have a huge elderly population because we just aren't having as many kids as previous generations, at least in the U.S. But, that's a totally different topic!

I hope some of that might have been insightful! Sorry for the giant post!

TLDR: Enjoy where you are now and take things slow! Hoping for the future only makes you less inclined to enjoy the moment. ❤

EDIT: Adding this because I saw someone else mention it, but I also don't really click with the difference in interests. A lot of people around that age still want to roleplay things like high-school based stories and fandom characters, and that's just not really my style. Not saying that's all, but it's a good deal from my hunts!

 

[Perpetual Zen]

I always feel like I start this way. I'm very late to this thread but I'm really sorry you are struggling with this. I always learned best from writing with older people. I was naturally the oldest in my class and I mean I know that doesn't mean anything but I've also been used to being around people significantly younger than I am. I bounced between countries as a kid and so I think I have a bit of a more empathetic perspective. I suppose no one wants to be a trigger for an uncomfortable experience. It's not a wrong perspective but it's just a reality. My suggestion is to seek out role plays with players your own age. You may not be interested in the topics but you may network with people who may eventually find your role play idea's interesting. If your joining someone's role play present samples and ample excitement in out of character threads for the role play. The effort will be seen believe me!

I think all opinions and feelings are valid this is just based upon my own experiences growing up

 

[Daisie]

So I've been taking data on this since 2020 or so. When these discussions come up, I've built a tradition of performing a study. Heaven only knows what neurosis continues to compel me to.

What I do is I skim through the first page of the 1x1 interest checks, and I check to see how many of them have any age requirement at all, as well as what that age requirement is. From this we can not only see what proportion of recent interest checks have age requirements on a fairly randomized level, but how these trends have changed over the past three-four years or so.

July 6, 2020 revealed...
8/25 threads had some sort of age requirement.
7 of said threads demanded their partner to be 18+. 1 of them demanded 17+. 1 of the 18+ age requirements was not strict, the OP stating that they weren't stingy about it.

17/25 of the threads had no age requirements whatsoever.

May 27, 2021 revealed...
13/25 threads had some sort of age requirement.
11 of said threads demanded their partner be 18+, 2 of them demanded 17+.

12/25 threads did not provide a limit.

And now, January 11, 2024 reveals...
19/25 threads had some sort of age requirement.
16 of said threads demanded their partner be 18+, 1 only demanded 18+ with romance plotlines, 1 demanded 20+, and 1 demanded 21+.
Note: If the recruiter stated that they simply wanted their partner to be "an adult" or "around their age", I marked it as 18+.

6/25 threads did not provide a requirement.

Veeeeery interesting, indeed. Do with this what you will.
I'm definitely gonna have to make a graph next time.