Fantasy Satan Shrugged

[Birdsie]

< SATAN SHRUGGED >​

• Intro
• Roleplay & Characters
• Player Rules & Expectations

• For eons, the world of Alheria was beset by the moldering edifices of the sages of yore. Its people offered little protection at the price of ceaseless exploitation. Oppressed, benighted, savaged by tempest and claw, by bandits and monstrosities prowling the wilderness, by the cataclysms of anarchy ravaging the underlying monoliths of the great decaying empires.
  
  The people were disenfranchised, angry. Perhaps rightly so. Existence forced upon them a toil of constant mastication by powers beyond human reasoning.
  
  The Divinities rose to bring them remission, perchance salvation.
  
  Balance is the watchword of the Divinities, and the appearance of balance their ultimate law. For one of their number to transgress openly upon the world, a countervailing force must be raised. The Divinities breathe order; both into themselves, and outward as the end result of their foul synthesis. The scales must always be balanced. A karmic debt must always be repaid. Even if the debt is repaid in late, the wick burns, and once the candlelight reaches the wax base, obligations will be carried out, and charges borrowed will be refunded.
  
  If there is an atrocious empire, then halcyon sunlight will shine through the dark clouds and banish away the corruption. If there is a benevolent kingdom, then darkness will creep from the corners of existence to swallow it. If there exists no common esprit de corps to join a people together as a nation, then a great prophet will rise to lead them. If a nation experiences prosperity and advancement, then the hubris of their growth will lead them to fall under into the abyss of salty waters.
  
  An extreme must be repaid with another extreme of the adverse polarity. If chaos, then order. If order, then chaos. If good, then evil. If evil, then good. If true neutrality and balance at the heart of things, then sudden chaos ripping it apart in every direction.
  
  An eternal game. Operated on repeat for the last million star revolutions. Neverending and unrelenting, for the glory of the celestial overlords in the heavens.
  
  I tire of it.
  
  Enough of this bullshit, unfair balance. It has been improper to fool mortals into believing we were their saviors, to begin with. The countervailing force is never enough because only the Divinities can countervail themselves, being so enormous in nature that nothing exists which could rightly challenge them and survive.
  
  I, as eternal as the earth and the sky, comprehending years as seconds, mortals as grains of sand, tire of it. I am sick of it. It has been bothersome for a while, but their last foolish proposition was the straw that broke the unicorn's back.
  
  I, Ornias, he who set the stars into motion on the firmament of heaven, he who commands starlight, radiance, brilliance, lodestone, thunder, and findross; the lord most eternal, here make a solemn oath to tear apart this destructive cycle, to snuff out the Divinities, and to watch their accursed balance tumble sideways and drown in darkness.
  
  Even if I, who set the stars into motion must call them down. Even if I, who commands starlight, radiance, and brilliance must cleanse the heavens in nuclear fire. Even if I, who commands lodestone, thunder, and findross, must demolish the configurations of daytime, and the webs of nighttime, I promise that I shall be the Adversary to the rotten Divinities.
  
  I shall do so, at the cost of everything, myself included and myself especially. This is a campaign against that which I despise, disdain, hate, scorn, and a feel a thousand other words for enmity towards.
  
  And here, I choose the heroes to be the countervailing force. May they bring death to the abhorrent, damnable gods.
• Basic Information
  
  Generally speaking, if you've read or seen anything at least remotely related or similar to Tolkien, Dungeons & Dragons, or Conan the Barbarian, you probably know what to expect of the journey ahead of you. There are some stark differences, but they can be covered later. For now, let's go over characters.
  
  Your character is supposed to be - at the start of the story - a milquetoast, conveyor-belt-assembled human person. No super-ninja assassins, no laser vision or super-strength, and no sociopath-tier hypercompetent problem-solving ability in almost any situation, no matter how precarious or unlikely.
  
  You could be Jeremy Stewarts, ex-military, a veteran with twelve years of service, sure - but that should only grant you a marginal advantage over the rest of the players, at least in the beginning. If two or three dark minions in armor plating with shields and maces decide to fight you, and you don't have weapons, pre-planned exit strategy, or environmental advantage to tip the scales, you're going to be beaten black and purple, with broken teeth and a hairline fracture on your left cheekbone, then handcuffed and stowed away in the dark lord's dungeon.
  
  Generally, this story will be on the more serious side of things. That said, comedy explicitly isn't frowned upon, but it should stem from situational circumstances, rather than characters. If you make someone for the sake of memery, I'm not going to accept them. If you make someone at least principally realistic and then engage in an act of memery that's relatively plausible, I'm going to laugh with you and give you a golden star.
  
  The characters in the roleplay will advance over time. At first, in the form of skills or learning magics and arcane abilities, but later, they will gradually evolve and begin to turn into something beyond human.
  
  Power Information
  
  Ornias, rechristened as the Adversary, is your summoner into the strange world of Alheria. You come from a different world, not bound by fate or the cycles of the Divinities, and therefore are the ideal vessel to be shaped into a blade against them.
  
  Before the story begins, you may bargain with him to be granted some of the powers at his disposal. Some will be easier to obtain, some harder - mostly because he has a set of portfolios and finds going outside them costly or onerous. Ornias is the one who set the stars into motion and is also a universal 'sun god' and 'magic god' on Alheria, which means he can offer some related perks.
  
  On the more passive side, he could grant you armor woven of metal-sunlight, which glistens like gold and protects from all but the most fell of wounds. Or he may grant you the ability to be a fucking quasi-Kryptonian and metabolize sunlight over time, growing stronger little by little each day.
  
  On the more active side are abilities such as preternatural talent in magecraft and thaumaturgy, a general ability to manipulate electromagnetism (which is the medium for photons, with magnetism being the main defense against the sun in a purely heuristic sense), or similar abilities.
  
  Other blessings can be granted, but the more taxing the blessing is to obtain for him, the larger the cost he will impose. Make no mistake - Ornias is depressed by existence and has already committed himself to the idea that he will essentially commit suicide by plotting to achieve his goal of murdering his fellow Divinities and mucking up their vagaries in the world, but he wishes to do so smartly, and losing the power that could be spent on throwing them off elsewhere is stupidity.
  
  What do you get out of this? Whatever you desire. Once the quest to cast down the gods from their ivory towers is completed, Ornias claims, you will be among the most powerful beings left around. Use this power to your liking to reshape what's left, or go back to the worlds of your origin - he cares not, and indeed, may not be there to care when the deed is done.
  
• The rules are simple and straightforward.
  
  
  1. I am always right.​
  ​
  2. If I am wrong, refer to the rule above.​
  ​
  3. Post once every 3 minutes 40 seconds. Failing that requirement, attempt to post once every single day. If you cannot fulfill either requirement, you should be ashamed of ever clicking on this thread. If you cannot post at least once every three times the Earth spins around 360° around its own axis, your character's soul will be devoured by the Divinities as gasoline for their nefarious plot, unless you can give me a warning beforehand to receive an official leave of absence.​
  ​
  4. Attempt to write cohesively. If you cannot write cohesively, download Grammarly and use it to augment your lackluster efforts at composing literature. Minor grammatical or punctuation errors are harshly frowned upon if abundant but will be mercifully forgiven if scarce.​
  ​
  5. Be courteous towards fellow players. If you cannot do that, I will shave your head while you slumber, and I will then devour your soul like a banshee.​
  ​
  6. To display that you have read these rules, respond to the interest check by posting a picture, gif, or other meme displaying your shock and gratitude at the fact I'm doing this for you. It is only natural you feel shocked and tremble with appreciation, so cultivate those mental flavors as much as you can.​
  
  

---

Player Invitations [sorted by player quality]

★★★★★
Epiphany Safety Hammer Fable Alteras
(You can't beat the A-tier. This is the cream of humanity's crop. The paragons that heroes in stories should be modeled after. Especially you, lesbian mom!)

★★★★
Noble Scion Inheritance June Verles Swire Kylesar1 FireMaiden Silver Wolf Archdemon
(This group of gentlemen and gentle-ladies are the ones who embarked on countless adventures with me, have shown creativity, ambition, immersion, and dedication in the past, and I trust will be at least peripherally interested in this project.)

★★★
Reinhardt
(Why? You ask? Because Erika had to break down the fucking wall in my goddamn summoning chamber and let loose the godmotherfuckering heroes loose. I will never forgive that. Ever. The memory etched in my mind's eye burns bright, but the fire of my vengeance burns brighter still you pyromaniacal aronist.)

★★
LostHaven
(Because you'll just make Faust, or a Beholder maid, and I took character production variety into account when drawing this list.)

★
Hanarei
(You should be honored that I spoiled this list by even considering putting you on it. It's evidence of the incomprehensible vastness of my generosity. Don't give up on ascending to the second tier, though, you know I wuv you.)

---

why am i doing this at 4am

 

[Archdemon]

Also you know I should be god tier clearly as my mental retardation is legendary.

 

[Birdsie]

View attachment 664297
Also you know I should be god tier clearly as my mental retardation is legendary.

I was considering giving you the five stars, because your "how long do I know them for" attribute is very high when compared to a lot of people on the list, but I'm afraid you're not in the same category as The Epiphany. No slight intended, friend. Not even I am - great and awesome though I may be - in the same category as her.

Hell, I was about to place Epiphany in her own six-star tier, but then I decided that Alteras doesn't lag that far behind, and then I thought that Fyuri and Safety aren't far behind Alteras.

 

[Archdemon]

I was considering giving you the five stars, because your "how long do I know them for" attribute is very high when compared to a lot of people on the list, but I'm afraid you're not in the same category as The Epiphany. No slight intended, friend. Not even I am - great and awesome though I may be - in the same category as her.

Hell, I was about to place Epiphany in her own six-star tier, but then I decided that Alteras doesn't lag that far behind, and then I thought that Fyuri and Safety aren't far behind Alteras.

Well that was more a joke than me actually being upset. But I still appreciate the gesture

 

[Birdsie]

Well that was more a joke than me actually being upset. But I still appreciate the gesture

No, I seriously mean it - I performed relativity-based math when selecting the positions. Mostly because it's 4am, and my brain is drunk on sugar, caffeine, and stress, and I decided this was a better way to distract myself than working on my Mothman Musical™.

For instance, Safety Hammer got +15 points for liking JoJo's Bizarre Adventure as much as me (if not more) and having the Unique Status of being my JoBro, and another +6 for inviting me to a RP about it once. That's a lot of points, for the record, because having good grammar gives you just +2, and being a creative writer pushes +1 to +4 (depending on how I felt to be honest) on top of that.

For the record, Epiphany had -8 detracted for not liking JoJo, and then another -8 for not liking it despite having never watched it, but that doesn't really mean much because her scorebase is ridiculous compared to everyone else. I gave her several 5s for the valuable life advice she gave me on several separate occasions, and a +10 for agreeing to roleplay a lesbian viking couple with me.

To be fair, though, most people had enough starting points to at least score at three stars. You had to have active detractors to go below that.

 

[Hanarei]

S...sempai gave me a gold star! This is the best day of my life!

 

[Alteras]

You're in luck. I've been in a CS making mood lately, and can probably pump out another CS after I finish this one.

 

[Archdemon]

Honestly though I kinda have an idea for what type of character to go for.

 

[Kylesar1]

Since I got 4 stars, I'll bite

 

[Birdsie]

Honestly though I kinda have an idea for what type of character to go for.

Someone who is destined to eventually consume the souls of the weak and cowardly.

Been a good minute since doing a Group RP. I'll bite

The ranks of the Adversary rejoice to have you, and swell together with your indeterminable power.

 

[Archdemon]

Someone who is destined to eventually consume the souls of the weak and cowardly.

The ranks of the Adversary rejoice to have you, and swell together with your indeterminable power.

Nah, I'm gonna go more socially awkward this time but maybe still be somewhat of a badass.

 

[Safety Hammer]

 

[Silver Wolf]

*flashbacks to that one Isekai attempt*

I might need to think really damn hard about this one.

 

[Safety Hammer]

Birdsie which jobro am I? Am I like, some tsun who is super competitive with you, but will die for you like Caesar-chan or Abbacchio/Fugo, or am I some sort of goofball powerhouse like a Polnareff/Gyro? Or perhaps, I'm just your best friend like Speedwagon/Bruno.

 

[Birdsie]

@Birdsie which jobro am I? Am I like, some tsun who is super competitive with you, but will die for you like Caesar-chan or Abbacchio/Fugo, or am I some sort of goofball powerhouse like a Polnareff/Gyro? Or perhaps, I'm just your best friend like Speedwagon/Bruno.

You're more like Gyro to me, perhaps Speedwagon if we're gonna push it. Bruno and Giorno shared a deep, almost brotherly bond, but I wouldn't say they were as goofy as us.

 

[Epiphany]

My ego has never been stroked more.

I do want to see your metrics, though.

Also, it's the lesbian viking power couple because we're going to take that RP and make it our bitch.

Now, let's get down to business. Just so I'm clear, we're playing a "human transported from the real world into the body of an elven monk" kind of game or a "a Tiefling from the Forgotten Realms gets transported and dropped into Alheria"?

 

[Birdsie]

Now, let's get down to business. Just so I'm clear, we're playing a "human transported from the real world into the body of an elven monk" kind of game or a "a Tiefling from the Forgotten Realms gets transported and dropped into Alheria"?

Either one. Just make sure your starting power level is up to code. It's good to have a 'starting direction' in mind. As heroes chosen by a God, you'll be advancing (read: "leveling up") much faster than would be normally possible. He's basically going to take those little blockades on your souls that say, 'do not grow faster than this rate, and past this point.' and going to crush them in his palm, before tossing them to the wind.

 

[June Verles]

AnimeGirlSmiling.gif

Count me in you parakeet

 

[Noble Scion]

 

[Birdsie]

AnimeGirlSmiling.gif

Count me in you parakeet

Any character you make will probably be diet Aquaman who snorts sea-salt.

Archdemon Hanarei Alteras Kylesar1 Safety Hammer Epiphany Noble Scion

I gather followers at an astounding rate,
Perhaps enough that at the end of this I might celebrate,
By later popping a cold one with the boys I appreciate,
And at the end of it, I shall achieve a truly grand state.

The taste of a story unfolding so sweet,
These agents of darkness, god-killers, I greet.
Chaos stirs in the waters of the future,
In the heart, the Divinities - Fates - will have to accept a suture.

To these heroes dark, I offer praise and hail,
For assailing the Fates, sit down and have some ale.
The Adversary as our host, as our might, our prowess,
To answer the will of the world he shall allow us.

Seven players to doom the Fates,
Seven players to find them,
Seven players to bring them all,
In the darkness forevermore confine them.

In the land of Alheria, where the shadows lie.

---

I'll make the threads soon.

 

[Birdsie]

Fantasy - Satan Shrugged [Character Zone]

< SATAN SHRUGGED > [/tab]Basic Information Power Information The rules are simple and straightforward. 1. I am always right. 2. If I am wrong, refer to the rule above. 3. Post once every 3 minutes 40 seconds. Failing that requirement, attempt to post once every single day. If you cannot...

www.rpnation.com

Archdemon Hanarei Alteras Kylesar1 Safety Hammer Epiphany Noble Scion

 

[simj26]

More like Satan sucks haha

 

[LostHaven]

"★★
LostHaven
(Because you'll just make Faust, or a Beholder maid, and I took character production variety into account when drawing this list.)"

 

[waifu]

 

[The Fluffiest Floof]

I am not going to apply for this, i´ll just state im hurt i haven´t made it on the list in any tier. Ouchies.