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Fantasy RedStone - OOC

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Hey y'all, please feel free to critique my writing. I'm new at all of this and I'm kind of diving in blind. I'll try to learn from how you all write in your updates, but if anything stands out, please don't hesitate to let me know!
 
Torin is a precious bundle of innocence. He is to be protected and loved at all costs. Just don't feed him after midnight.
I wish you gave him more lore than just 'key information broker'. He seems like he could save everybody by just being in their vicinity.
 
Hey y'all, please feel free to critique my writing. I'm new at all of this and I'm kind of diving in blind. I'll try to learn from how you all write in your updates, but if anything stands out, please don't hesitate to let me know!
Okay since you asked, ITS GARBAGE GET OUT OF MY SIGHT MONGREL. Just kidding In all seriousness I think you are doing ok a little more effort and you'll be churning out great literary works in no time.
 
I wish you gave him more lore than just 'key information broker'. He seems like he could save everybody by just being in their vicinity.
Worry not, I left some things out of the lore page to focus on getting things started. Torrin and Mellie will be fleshed out more. Our star merchant needs love too.
 
Worry not, I left some things out of the lore page to focus on getting things started. Torrin and Mellie will be fleshed out more. Our star merchant needs love too.
But our star merchant isn't nearly as cool as young spaceman.
 
Okay since you asked, ITS GARBAGE GET OUT OF MY SIGHT MONGREL. Just kidding In all seriousness I think you are doing ok a little more effort and you'll be churning out great literary works in no time.
Mega oof. Don't judge the disaster that was the opening post. My worst work in a while.
 
Also Remembrance Remembrance everyone is the most important character in their own story so don't sell yourself short by putting the NPC over yourself buddy it's important to have some confidence
 
Okay since you asked, ITS GARBAGE GET OUT OF MY SIGHT MONGREL. Just kidding In all seriousness I think you are doing ok a little more effort and you'll be churning out great literary works in no time.
Thank you! I don't have access to my computer until Monday, so I'm trying to get stuff down on my phone for now. Not gonna lie, it's a struggle.
 
Nah, Torin is god.

Also where are you now? Roadside with table? Cause I just wrote an almost finished post with him entering the room and greeting everybody.
 
Nah, Torin is god.

Also where are you now? Roadside with table? Cause I just wrote an almost finished post with him entering the room and greeting everybody.
Torrin is a glutton. A complete and utter glutton. He's going to move the little party inside so he can get food once people arrive.
 
Nope we're all outside I guess they don't let him into the building
Maybe that's not a spacesuit at all; maybe he just has mange and it's the fantasy manimal version of those plastic shame cones
 
Torin is a cute glutton, he has a fast metabolism so he eats a lot and doesn't gain a lot of weight easily.

And he's a young prodigy of exploration, of course he'd be wearing a spacesuit, the outfit of exploring the unknown.
 
Exactly
Which is why it's actually a bodycondom
Because he has GHOST MANGE
LIKE REGULAR LICE, BUT HAUNTED
No! He's just wearing a spacesuit because he's planning on throwing himself out to the atmos to explore what has yet to have been explored.
 
Because the vacuum of space is the only thing that can kill his haunted lice
Truly he is a tragic figure among tragic figures, ultimately doomed to destroy himself in an attempt to contain the ghost mange epidemic
 

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