Advice/Help An odd issue...Could use feedback. <3

[Zelena]

...

 

[nerdy tangents]

Could you maybe link your search thread? That might give a better idea of what is going on then a roleplay sample.

 

[nondescriptname655433788]

"You are above me, I can't match you, or I am afraid you might be elitist."

I believe the reason why people may think this is because you are extremely well-spoken. While great for roleplay, casual banter is a bit difficult to be had when you need to read in between the lines to understand what someone is saying. (using higher vocab like transpires, epiphany, fruitful, retaliation)
People are really anxious and nervous a lot of the time, especially when they are younger or not confident in their writing, being friendly and speaking in an informal manner will help lessen this anxiety.
For example: I am a very stoic, troubled person to those who know me in real life, so I try to amp up my positivity and general demeanor whenever I'm online so I don't scare anyone.
You're not a bad person at all, I'm sure a lot of people are eager to roleplay with you and you seem to be kind but it's the eloquent OOC that would throw me off personally.
(I hope this didn't come off as mean! That wasn't my intention.)

 

[nerdy tangents]

So I think your biggest problem is just the way you write reads very awkwardly to native English speakers. To a native speaker you are a unwieldy mix of overly formal and too flowery.

So it isn’t that you are coming across as elite so much as you are using too formal language for an informal setting.

However I personally expected that you were not a native speaker given how you construct your sentences, but it’s an awkward thing to ask someone without seeming rude.

Going forward I would just let people know you aren’t a native speaker. That alone will give you a lot more leeway as people will understand that you are trying your best to master a new language not speaking in an overly formal way intentionally.

 

[nerdy tangents]

I meant you are speaking like someone in a professional setting (ie a college professor or an author of an old fashion novel) whereas everyone else is speaking informally (ie someone talking to their friends)

So the contrast is very awkward because you don’t communicate in the same way in an informal setting as you do in a formal setting.

 

[nerdy tangents]

English is a language that is very informal and unfortunately you can write something that is technically correct (in the sense that you fit all the grammar rules or what not) but doesn’t make any kind of sense to a native speaker because it just isn’t how people talk.

But that said English speakers are perfectly aware that our language is nonsense with contradictory rules so if you just say “I apologize if my wording if off English is not my first language” they will forgive you the awkward turns of phrase.

 

[nerdy tangents]

I’m not saying your style is the problem. It makes sense given you are a non-native speaker.

If anything just let people know that you aren’t a native speaker and the problem will go away.

It’s the same thing when people have a learning disability. I am not going to sweat a issue with random punctuation if someone tells me they put it there to help them read.

But if you don’t let me know beforehand I am going to think you are just putting random punctuation for no reason to make it more difficult for ME to read.

So in this case the issue was style/tone but only because your partners didn’t realize that you aren’t writing in your native language. If they had they probably would have let it go.

 

[MG Maggio]

I'm not sure if you're still seeking feedback, so take or leave this:

I had this problem too, of sounding robotic in my writing. My mentor at the time gave me some very blunt advice: "don't use five dollar words when a few five cent words will do. Save them for bigger things." To say something simply but beautifully is a talent, and it feels like there are places where a more succinct phrasing would serve your goals much better. When there are more complex words or phrases, as a reader, I pay close attention, because the author has sacrificed brevity/simplicity to convey a very specific meaning or feeling. When there are too many descriptives especially that are rare in use, it can be offputting as a reader.

An example:

"Greta postulated her brazen soliloquy." This sentence is unattractive, even if it conveys my specific meaning well. It cuts into the reader's connection to the story, because the wording is needlessly specific and esoteric. "Greta insisted on her brazen soliloquy" is a little better, because the emphasis begins to shift from the phrasing back to the content, and we don't lose too much meaning with the word change. "Greta insisted on her brazen assumption, not caring who heard" is what I might settle on, because it captures the key points on which I'm hoping my reader will focus.

Ultimately though, if you enjoy your writing style, don't change it just because you don't see traction with the majority of readers. Everyone has their own specific tastes, and if you think yours is best and makes you happiest, stick with it. Others will make their own decisions as to whether they want to write with you or not, and they're the experts on their own specific tastes, too. Plus! It's perfectly valid for you to write with someone you genuinely enjoy, and writing beside someone intimidated by your writing style sounds very alienating anyway- the people who tell you that have saved you from wasting time trying to change for them, so you can find the writer that will bring out your best down the road.

 

[nerdy tangents]

Z Zelena to be clear I meant the style you write in OOC (as in the style of writing you are using in this thread).

The awkwardness of the phrasing is consistent throughout both your OOC and IC interactions.

I think MG Maggio put it a little better than I have in that you are using a lot of overly descriptive words that added together don’t make sense or just confuse your reader.

Ex. Let’s take a simple sentence that ties into your last example :

“Yer a wizard Harry,” said Hagrid.

It’s a pretty famous line from Harry Potter.

Now let’s take a look at your rendition of it

:"Harry, right? Ya be a wizard Harry...trust me, this here gal got a knack for when it becoming too trusting her here gut."

So you were attempting to mimic the same kind of slang as the first example but you added too many descriptors.

The part that starts “this here gal” is not how a native English speaker talks. It’s too clunky.

You would say something like “Yer a wizard Harry, I know it me gut.”

 

[nerdy tangents]

As MG mentioned you are using five dollar words when five cent words would suffice. And it gives all of your writing (in character, OOC, etc.) a clunky feel.

So it’s not so much “Oh this character is written in a clunky manner to distinguish her from other characters” it’s “Oh this writer just has a clunky style of writing.”

In addition the assumption that I would not know how long term characters work (or indeed that I don’t have long term characters of my own) does come across as a little presumptuous.

 

[Syntra]

Also, Grammarly and its 10,000,000 data pool had me number 1 in the world, setting a new record since its launch on must unique words used in a month. And top 1% on least errors, least correction features being used, and words typed. I only bring this up, because the whole "your English is broken give a heads up" is bothering me. I contacted my friend who is an editor, he went over those posts. he agreed it reminded him of his favorite classical writers but then went on the praise me on how 99.9% of the words were used correctly. And did offer me insight on two grammatical mistakes I make, so that was nice.

Edit: I checked my email, and found out all but the top record has been at the top 1% over the last year. Also, their algorithm shows Formal is not my type word usage. And FYI, I only use Grammarly for my post.

Alright, I'm an editor as well, and tbh... the amount of unique words does not necessarily correlate with quality of the prose. I'm also a non-native speaker, and a linguist as well, and frankly? Getting the levels of formality just right is the hardest part of mastering a new language, solely because each language has different standards. What looks fine to you (filtered through the POV of a speaker of another language) may not look fine to native speakers. I have had to learn myself that, no, every noun does not need an adjective, and that it's okay to repeat words in English-- it's a sign of poor form in my language but in English, it's kind of necessary. Without repetition, their grammar falls apart. So, it sounds more natural to go for the 'smaller' words, such as pronouns, instead of trying to invent a new synonym each and every time.

I'm not trying to insult you, btw. If you enjoy writing like that, do go on-- ultimately, it's your enjoyment that matters. I'm just saying that if it feels clunky to native speakers, there's a reason for that.

 

[nerdy tangents]

I apologize if I hurt your feelings. That was not my intention, I wasn’t trying to say YOU (as a person) have broken English or anything.

Your turn of phrase is a little awkward but honestly that happens with a lot of people. I know plenty of native speakers who have equally clunky ways of speaking.

I was mostly just trying to explain why you were coming across as elitist to other people. I think it is just as MG said, you are using five dollar words.

With native speakers, using a lot of five dollar words is a means of showing off. So I think that is probably what happened. People saw you using a lot of five dollar words and just assumed you were trying to show off.

It’s why I said mentioning you are a non-native speaker helps. Because then people will see you aren’t using five dollar words to show off, you are just using the words you know.

 

[Vertex]

I play mongolian and middle eastern theme characters and concepts due to that being my heritage. Yet, I am finding myself being denied entry due to two factors.

1) They aren't anime or DnD/LOTR (Typical fantasy)

2) Either people immediately presume my style means I care about theirs, or they openly admit it makes them feel inadequate due to 'Not being able to offer the same level."

As a rper and someone who runs an original universe, I have never denied off-worlders due to culture or thematic elements hailing from areas outside my creations. Some of the best growths that have reshaped my lore have come from those characters.

I have never refused someone due to their length, diction, grammar, or style. I respect that everyone has varying levels of "skill" and don't find an arbitrary word count as a solid methodology to indicate a "good" role player. I never expect anyone to "Match" me. That seems elitist and snobbish. Nor do I demand they alter their creations to suit my whims, given that will be robbing them of their creativity. The only exception is if something fundamentally won't permit interaction as that will involve me distorting my work, which is clearly a two-way street as it's the same grace I afford to others.

Why do I post this?

Simple, how can I rectify this? I am beyond exasperated from receiving the message that literally reads, "You are above me, I can't match you, or I am afraid you might be elitist." Which I get after my intro post. Without any negative or positive interactions OOCLY. if anyone could offer constructive feedback, I'd be appreciative. This bane is whittling down my drive to linger in this community. I am starting to feel I am not a good fit due to my approach within this craft. if you doubt my claims' veracity, let us begin an RP so that I can establish the sincerity of these claims beyond a shroud of a doubt.

Spoiler: Example

The desolate realm to the south seemed like a respite when contrasted with the aversions that prowled this foliage. The towering trees, vibrant lichens, assorted flowers, and lush ferns all toiled as camouflage. The unkempt beauty merely a facade to facilitate the bane that is complacency. And while the shade from those branches may provide relief, it did little to abate the ravenous nature of the jungle. Its primordial heart drummed to an ancient rhythm, following a callous system to wheat out the fit from the lethargic. The scattered calls of winged beast juxtaposed with the fallacy of security. While the swamp's murky waters and the buzzing of insects that called this necrotic domain home regaled a differing anecdote.

Across the breadth of this virulent quagmire were strewn carcasses of a prior epoch. They were formerly imposing ruins in their own right, each now sinking into the bog as nature set out to reclaim those once majestic structures. Their dilapidated remains persisted as a stark reminder that while nations may fancy the world under their authority, the truth was quite the opposite. With or without civilization, the planet and life would proceed to march forward, almost undeterred by that swift vanishment. An uncanny fog blanketed the surface of those somber pools, all the while, enormous fireflies perforated through the veil of obscurity. Their bioluminescent glow presented temporary succor. At the same time, a breeze whisked across the terrain, ushering with it the redolence of mildew and earth.

The low hanging branches thick in saturated moss, dripping their filthy fluids on top of any wanderers. That organic curtain failed to screen the dangling corpses of the Toadlins victims, a warning that this was their dominion from this point forward. There, nestled on the outskirts of the marshland, surrounded by weeping willows, a camp lurked. The crackling fire, those erected banners, and skin tents did little to keep the mosquitos at bay. The party gathered with bowls, a single pot of soup, and some bread presented as sustenance before venturing deep into the mires bosom. Something was wrong. A foul sensation inundated the organizer of this voyage.

While most laughed and relished their meal, those amber eyes remained attentive, gawking into the expanse as if anticipating something to peep back. Those spider ligaments brushing through auburn hair as the voluptuary spinner of webs resided within a stupor. She was sojourning away from most men, less the arachnoid risk lowering morale, as Valerna contemplated the reports in taciturnity. The matron pivoted, trailing her gaze athwart the horizon as dangling bones collided with her chitin-like layer. The head was shaking, sweeping off such frivolous fears, before returning to the camp. She was approaching the men as they feasted. Valerna leaned against a nearby column of wood, the remains of what was once a great tree.

The manipulator of threads bequeathing them this jovial atmosphere, for she knew not how arduous or lengthy their trek might establish itself to be.

I enjoyed reading your example, thank you for sharing. Well, you can't really help how others feel about their own writing. I wouldn't even try. That's something they have to work through themselves. I would not let that type of negativity deter you from your approach of how you enjoy writing though or make you feel like you aren't a good fit. There are so many writers within the writing community with all types of styles who would welcome your style and what you have to offer. The thing that sticks out to me the most is your request thread.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Welcoming Address, Strongly advise you read.
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Hello, I am known as Somber, I have posted this entry with the hopes of eliciting potential wayward roleplayers. This is a call to adventure and intrigue set in a fictional universe, loosely inspired by Middle eastern and Mongolian culture and myths. The setting is a Darwinian arid landscape, where one may traverse the rolling dunes of bleached sands, hearing the distant call of sandworms as they rise to the surface to mate. A world where magic catalyzes society, inspiring tech and the cultures of its diverse denizens. It is a realm without Gods, as the verse is merely a dream, where Elder beings keep the originator asleep and serve as representations of the human psyche. From the emerald city, a capital of monolithic spiral towers of white stone, jaded glass, and golden roofs.

Beyond the mountain range, known as Bandit pass, lies the Beastkin territory. Sandslout is the breadbasket of the domain, a large farming community protected by walls and armed sentries. To the south, a canyon of obsidian, where the Kitsune hail, known for its sakura trees. Within the center, a magical volcano spewing ash into the heavens, surrounded by a bone city known as Nirvana, the structures composed of their fallen, prey and the once plentiful remains of Dragons. Along the northern coastline, is a sprawling abode of fungus, a forest of sorts, where the roots are alive and the residents formerly venerated their spongey overlord. Living within the carved remains gifted from their dictator's carcass. To the far east, a settlement tucked within a crystalized woodlands, serving as a port town for goods to be ferried. Nuzzled between this hamlet and the fungal forest, is the center of arcane/chi knowledge, the Whitestone college.

You may play whatever you wish, be it an offworlder or a local. The canvas is ripe with treasures, secrets buried by the granules of time, and threats prowling the very umbra inundating the Sands inhabitants. Beyond this harsh world, to the north, lies a mysterious primordial jingle, ruled by Aztecian Moth folk, Drumvar (Bettles), Ape humanoids, Goatkin, Dwarves, Toadlins, and Giants, where within the river slumbers swarms of leeches and the plant life release toxins and flesh-eating bacteria. Using magic, these folk never moved beyond the wood and bone age, finding creative methods of keeping their “primitive” tools relevant against the Empire and the Beastkin union. The Empire is run by a two queens, their ranks are composed of Humans, Elves, Kitsune, Wulfgar, Gnolls, Rakatta (Large rats), Ysstmar (Lizard people), and Jackalfolk.

I pride my interactions as possessing unbridled player freedom, in short, you can play the villain and destroy society or run it with a cruel hand. Exterminate entire factions or species, or usher in a golden era of stability. The world is your canvas, the mind the brush, together may we create quite the tale.

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Sincerely, Somber.


Would be how I would write it up, I tend to weave narratives based on my partner and their creations. So our characters both receive something for our time, instead of a one-way street.​

While it does showcase your original works, lore, interests, it just appears as solely your world as if a work of something solo. Speaking personally, when I look at request threads I'm looking for room to be able to add in my own ideas and help create a world together with the person I am writing with. I also like to see either somewhat established plots, or ideas to developed into plots as well as other genres. Your request thread explains a lot about the world you are wanting to expand on, yes, I just feel it just lacks more about you and just feels a bit restrictive even though you mentioned welcoming player freedom.

 

[Daisie]

Not here to add much, just nodding in agreement with the other things people have said. Too much complexity, too many niche words, not enough readability. Even when you're not writing in-character, I noticed straight away that something was different - not wrong per se, but different.

Like everyone else has reiterated, I'm not saying you have to change, but you should be aware that the more you stray from the norm, the less likely people are going to be interested. That's the very definition of unpopular.

Some people may adore Shakespeare... but a lot more people like action movies. Thus more people are going to be drawn to action movies than Shakespeare.

I'll argue that most roleplay isn't as formal as you seem to think it is, as well. While I take my roleplays seriously, I don't ever find myself thinking about what personality to use when narrating a specific character, using all my words 100% correctly, writing like the classics, and, as you put it, "being in the top 1%" (As a gentle tip, that doesn't endear you well to future partners). Most people are the same way. They don't want to be involved in that zone, they just want to keep things short and sweet.

Your editor is probably correct in that your writing is great... for a classical novel. Like I said though, RP is a hobby that a lot of people pursue because they don't want to take their writing as seriously as that.

You're wearing a decked-out tux with diamond cufflinks to an IHOP. Sure, you may be accepting of everyone there regardless of their clothes, but you're not surrounded by people who are likely to empathize with anything you say. You're living in an entirely different world, speaking in a whole other dialect.

I recommend you either A) simplify. Study what makes sentences easier to digest and branch out your skillset to practice a new style... Which is an idea you don't seem particularly fond of.

Or B) Patiently try to find other people who enjoy and empathize with your writing. Just be aware that it may take some time due to its unpopularity.

 

[Daisie]

I think I'll probably leave the discussion here, as I said my piece and stand by it. But I am a little curious: what, in your opinion, is the difference between sticking with your own preferences and acting elitist?

Edit: for example, is refusing to eat apple pie elitist to the apple pie because you don't enjoy it?

 

[Vertex]

Thank you for the feedback, as a quick note, I have never posted that as a interest check. I approach others threads. I posted that as an example if I was doing one for my setting. Which when I do, allows offworlders

Ah! I see. I wish you luck in your search. Try not to feel discouraged though.

 

[Cross]

As a non-native English speaker, you might not realize this, but some of your comments come off as abrasive. Even if your writing is top-tier, published level of polished, people won't rp with you if they feel like you're too hard to talk to.

 

[Sara Sidereal]

There's a lot of redundancy in your writing sample. For example, "... their trek might establish itself to be." can be written "their trek might be." with no loss of meaning. This is a fairly common mistake for new writers. Neither grammarly nor your "editor" are providing you with useful information; they aren't identifying areas where you could improve. If you're paying your editor, stop, and look for a new one.

 

[Sara Sidereal]

You are late to the party on that one. Already accepted advice. And I doubt that is the reason why I have issues finding RP. Unless people here are that stuck up? Which I pray they aren't?

I'm not late to anything. I'm the first person in this thread to mention redundancy, to tell you to stop using grammarly, and to tell you to get a better editor.

You don't know the reason you're not getting RP. That's why you made the thread. So you can't discount these issues as possible causes. Your doubt is unfounded.

Nothing I've said indicates or implies that people here are stuck up. Where are you getting that from?

 

[Sara Sidereal]

2) I don't use grammarly recommendations as they are wrong, stated by the top 1% least correction used to showcase I don't rely on that aspect of the software.

Jesus, what a mess. Re-write this paragraph from scratch.

 

[Sara Sidereal]

That's not a paragraph kiddo.

It is, kiddo.

 

[Sara Sidereal]

Bye, I am now ignoring you.

Lmao. Yeah you definitely wanted advice. Best of luck with middle school

 

[Dreamtique]

Z Zelena
Hello. All the discussion aside you definitely have a special talent and I can see your sincerity in trying to find ways to express yourself creatively! I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Zelena]

Z Zelena
Hello. All the discussion aside you definitely have a special talent and I can see your sincerity in trying to find ways to express yourself creatively! I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you, I am leaving the community. I feel I am not a good fit. But I am appreciative of those who offered advice and their time.

 

[Dreamtique]

Thank you, I am leaving the community. I feel I am not a good fit.

Minus the troll, I think most commented here genuinely want to help. Anyway, good luck in your future endeavors!