Can we please raise the IQ level of the lifeguards at the water park? I'm sorry, but I don't trust a 19 year old, 110 pound blonde named Mackenzie with the brains of a chicken mcnugget to save my life if something goes wrong.
DM: You triggered a trap. Roll a Dex Save.
Me: A four, so I blew it. What happens?
DM: Roll 3d6.
Me: A seven.
DM: Roll again.
Me, wincing: fourteen?
DM: Oooh. Ok, roll again.
Me, picking up the dice and freezes: Wait, I'm rolling up a new character, aren't I?
Wizard: Why are you making popcorn?
Rogue: The bard asked very loudly who would win between the Warlock's Patron or the Cleric's Deity.
Wizard: This . . . is bad! Do something!
Rogue: I am. I'm making popcorn!
Bard: And I'm supervising!
Apparently, BDSM does not stand for "Beholders, Dragons, Slimes and Mimics". So, if you find a BDSM dungeon, don't arm yourself and kick in the door. All you'll find is a bunch of Hellraiser cosplayers that will scream bloody murder about kink shaming and will call the cops.
So, how do you get your spells?
Wizard: Through years of constant study.
Cleric: Through the grace of my god.
Druid: Through the blessings of the Earth itself.
Warlock: Through my patrons knowledge.
Sorcerer: Through my ancestor's power.
Bard: I was just making fun of a goblin one day and suddenly the little guy just died. It was the craziest shit ever!
Bard: I just rolled a nat 20 to seduce the dragon!
GM: <sighs> the dragon becomes interested enough in you to not kill you immediately.
Bard: Another nat 20! I'm gonna tap that soon!
GM: I didn't even . . . alright, the dragon takes you back to its lair for immediate copulation. Upon arrival, due to obvious problems with anatomy, the dragon polymorphs into human form.
Bard: Sweet! What does she look like?
GM: Exactly like you.
Bard: Wait, what?
GM: I'm saying you can go fuck yourself.