Sherwood
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  • If you ever think that you can't dance, just try to write your name in cursive in the air with your butt. Problem solved.
    I recently changed the name of my ipod to 'The Titanic' so that every time I download a new song, I can be amused at the thought that the Titanic is synching.
    Why does toilet paper even need to have a commercial? Who in this country is not buying this stuff?
    Idea
    Idea
    They have them for brands of toilet paper though, not just the concept of toilet paper
    The Mechanist
    The Mechanist
    Idea that’s his thing, he tells jokes XP
    Popular friend: Oh, wow! I got invited to like ten parties today!
    Pretty friend: I got over 1000 likes on my profile picture!
    Smart friend: Yea! I got all 'A's'!
    Me: I meowed at my cat and it replied.
    Idea
    Idea
    Nick Fury shows up in your house: Did you think you were the only superhero out there?
    Did you know if you scream "Bloody Mary" three times in the mirror at three a.m., your wife will yell at you to shut the hell up and let her sleep?
    Why are scary movies always in places like hospitals or jails? I want to see a scary movie in Wal Mart. "Clean up on isle 13." "But sir, there is no isle 13." *dramatic music starts to play*
    I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I would pick up a stranger and he asked, "Thanks, but why would you pick me up? How do you know that I'm not a serial killer?" I replied that the chances that there are two serial killers in the car would be astronomical.
    BackSet
    BackSet
    "Lucky for you I'm a lazy serial killer who's alreadu ,urdered five people today. I'm tired.
    To the people that say that money doesn't buy happiness, I'm willing to let you transfer all of that shit to my account so it will spare you the pain.
    Ways kids hurt themselves:
    Tripping at the playground.
    Falling off the jungle gym.
    Jumping off a swing.

    Ways adults hurt themselves:
    Sneezing to hard.
    Slept wrong.
    Sat down too long.
    BackSet
    BackSet
    Actually, kids mostly just hurt their thumbs frim tapping away at screens too long.
    A computer hacker just cracked his way into my bank account. He was so disappointed that he has started a Go Fund Me page for me.
    I wonder what people do with all of the time they save by writing 'k' instead of 'ok' in their text messages?
    Daisie
    Daisie
    Just think of all the time they'd lose by tediously typing out "okay"!
    BackSet
    BackSet
    I concur.
    Keep your relationship fresh by writing each other love notes like, "I considered smothering you in your sleep last night, but I didn't."
    There should be one day a year where people working retail can say whatever they want to a customer and not get in trouble.
    Flowiest-D
    Flowiest-D
    Can I have the key to the bathroom?
    "Uh no. No you cannot."
    But... But...
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