Is this a sore throat?
Is this just allergies?
Caught in a lockdown,
No escape from reality.
Don't touch your eyes,
just sanitize quicklyyyyyyy,
I'm just a poor boy, no job security.
Because of easy spread, even though
washed your hands, laying low
I look out the window, the curve
doesn't look flatter to me, to me
Mama just killed a man,
I didn't stay in bed,
walked past him now he's dead
mama, life was so much fun,
but now I've caught this unforgiving plague!
A husband asks his wife to dress up as his favorite Star Wars character for a bit of fun in the bedroom. He walks in and is shocked. He says, "Babe, Jabba the Hut is not my favorite character in the movie!"
I don't understand why people don't instantly respond to the question of 'what superpower would you want' with the ability to alter probabilities. Just think about it. What's the probability that someone is about to just drop a million dollars in front of me? 0%. Lets change that to 100%. What's the probability that I'll wake up tomorrow and Gillian Anderson wants to come over to my place and hook up with me? 100%. What's the probability that I'll walk into the bathroom and find that the bathtub has been filled with tapioca pudding? 100%
The Beauty Industry:
For men: this can be used as shampoo, conditioner, body wash, face wash, lotion, mouthwash, toothpaste, engine degreaser, spackle or sunscreen.
For women: we have a special bottle for your left elbow.
I overheard a guy at Target the other day trying to return a pile of 30-some odd pool noodles. When the cashier asked him why, the guy says, "The shopping list just said noodles. Boy, was my wife mad!"