Fun studying tip for the upcoming school year: If you are a procrastinator, play Tom Jones' "What's New, Pussycat?" on repeat while writing your papers and do not turn it off until you are finished. It will help to motivate you to finish as quickly as possible.
Expert level: Toss in the occasional "Its Not Unusual" every now and then.
Even if you don't like Halloween, you have to appreciate its position as the sole thing keeping Christmas from creeping ever earlier in the year like a cancerous growth. Thanksgiving tried, but was overwhelmed.
We need to stop giving serial killers cool names like "The Night Stalker" or "The Green River Killer". Lets remove the mystique. Make it sound less appealing. Call them stuff like "The Micropenis Maniac" and "Bobby the Dipshit Stupid Head Killer".
Can we please raise the IQ level of the lifeguards at the water park? I'm sorry, but I don't trust a 19 year old, 110 pound blonde named Mackenzie with the brains of a chicken mcnugget to save my life if something goes wrong.
DM: You triggered a trap. Roll a Dex Save.
Me: A four, so I blew it. What happens?
DM: Roll 3d6.
Me: A seven.
DM: Roll again.
Me, wincing: fourteen?
DM: Oooh. Ok, roll again.
Me, picking up the dice and freezes: Wait, I'm rolling up a new character, aren't I?
Wizard: Why are you making popcorn?
Rogue: The bard asked very loudly who would win between the Warlock's Patron or the Cleric's Deity.
Wizard: This . . . is bad! Do something!
Rogue: I am. I'm making popcorn!
Bard: And I'm supervising!