Other What is Ghosting ?

[rae2nerdy]

If you’ve spent any time going through interest checks or reading peeve threads you’ve probably come across the term ghosting.

But like most forum roleplay terms there is no real formal definition that is universally accepted.

Well beyond the obvious that it means in some way your partner has left the roleplay.

But does it mean anyone who leaves without warning?

Does it mean people who stop responding to your requests?

Does it mean people who are just offline for a bit?

Is it some combination of the three ?

So for a bit of fun I thought I’d ask everyone to submit their personal definitions of “ghosting”.

You don’t have to go into how you feel about people doing it just how you define it personally.

 

[rae2nerdy]

So I’ll start us off I tend to define ghosting as someone who has left a roleplay without warning but is still posting in the forums.

If I can see you are still online and asking for new roleplay by you are not responding to me/our roleplay I will assume you’ve ghosted.

Now this only counts is you haven’t said you want to leave obviously.

 

[Onmyoji]

I agree with this definition.
Someone who left rp without warning and is ignoring you, while still being active on the forums or in other rp.

If the player announced they're leaving the rp or the forums it's not ghosting because they gave a warning.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I agree with this definition.
Someone who left rp without warning and is ignoring you, while still being active on the forums or in other rp.

If the player announced they're leaving the rp or the forums it's not ghosting because they gave a warning.

Well I usually make this distinction because I think it’s a different issue if your partner is just like gone from the internet entirely.

Like they aren’t signing in or posting at all. That to me isn’t ghosting it’s “real life issues”.

But so I know some people who define it differently. I was mostly curious if that was a common definition or if mine was. As I can never really tell in discussions

 

[Onmyoji]

In fact, leaving the site may be a form of ghosting too. If a person makes a totally new account, abandoning their old rp.

But I don't think it's very common. May be wrong.

 

[Tove]

Ah, the infamous ghosting lol. I would also have to agree with the no reply to our roleplay but replying to others and actively seeking more plus plotting for a roleplay only to have the other person disappear though appear around the site. Those are the signs for me.

Someone leaving the site or going offline is a completely different story for me because in the end real life comes before any roleplay. Yes I would want to know but if I couldn't that's fine. Sometimes you have no control over what happens. In my case I left the site, I didn't think I was coming back but I did give a warning to those I wrote with so yeah I really just associate ghosting with the above.

 

[rae2nerdy]

In fact, leaving the site may be a form of ghosting too. If a person makes a totally new account, abandoning their old rp.

But I don't think it's very common. May be wrong.

I would say it would be hard to determine if that is the case. Unless your very familiar with someone’s writing style or they said this is the new account of so and so.


But yeah I meant what Tove described. Like your literally not on the site at all.

I have this happen frequently because most of my partners are college age so they will simply be off site due to IRL issues.

Heck currently I have no internet so I’m on my phone. But if I didn’t have the phone I would obviously not be able to tell anyone my internet is out.

 

[Onmyoji]

I would say it would be hard to determine if that is the case. Unless your very familiar with someone’s writing style or they said this is the new account of so and so.

ah, yes, I meant the obvious cases when you somehow know for sure it's the same person. Sometimes when people get too overwhelmed but don't have courage to say they're leaving, they give themselves a fresh start. While their old rps might still be ongoing and waiting for them... And it's a very specific form of ghosting in my opinion. But probably uncommon.

Leaving the site for rl issues (or any other issues) is a different thing. Sometimes you just can't help it. I don't consider it ghosting when a person is not interacting at all.

When a RPer went into ghosting he is a Schroedinger's RPer. Not there and there at the same time xD

 

[Kaerri]

When a RPer went into ghosting he is a Schroedinger's RPer. Not there and there at the same time xD

I love this.

 

[Idea]

I believe that ghosting is any time someone, without proper warning, just suddenly stops replying for a period longer than any they previously compromised or right afte contacting you (in the absense of an agreed time between posts, I generally take this to be a week) as ghosting. I also consider anyone who is there but never really does anything , then excuses themselves as "busy with something" , that something being actually the word something, as also ghosting.

 

[hologram]

I used to be a serial ghoster back when I played on other sites because I was afraid of actually telling folks when I lost interest. I'd often take on RPs that didn't hold my interest for long, or take on partners who I was incompatible with. Back then I just stopped replying without saying anything and logged out of my account.

I think the definition of 'ghosting' is malleable and depends on the partner or group. I have a long term partner who will often get busy for weeks, if not months on end but since I've known her for a while I know her schedule can get pretty wild and she often won't have time to RP. If I saw the same behavior from someone who I didn't know, I might assume ghosting but also give the benefit of the doubt.

Of course, it's entirely different if someone says one thing and then does the other, like a partner who promises to be active every day but comes around maybe once a week and doesn't offer any explanation for the discrepancy.

I don't think someone excusing themselves from the RP even if their reason is nebulous counts as ghosting, though. I admit I'd prefer more detail from my partner were they to suddenly say "hey I'm busy with something, gotta drop" but different people have different comfort levels in terms of what they're willing to share and I don't really believe anyone is entitled to more than what the person is willing to divulge.

Sometimes it can be a way to bow out of an RP gone sour, too. At least I've used the "sorry, busy with something, gotta drop" as a reason to leave an RP that soured on me very quickly in the past. I didn't feel comfortable going into full detail about my reasons, but I at least informed everyone I was going to leave.

 

[Comicwolf]

Im ghosted too many times
I wish people would tell me why instead of just leaving
It hurts my feels

 

[rae2nerdy]

Im ghosted too many times
I wish people would tell me why instead of just leaving
It hurts my feels

So what do you consider the act of ghosting to be? Leaving without warning, replying to other roleplays but not your own, etc.

 

[Comicwolf]

So what do you consider the act of ghosting to be? Leaving without warning, replying to other roleplays but not your own, etc.

Leaving without warning

 

[PaulHaynek]

It's when you use your astral projection to scare your RP partners so they won't reply anymore.


At least that's how I do it. Works everytime.

 

[rae2nerdy]

It's when you use your astral projection to scare your RP partners so they won't reply anymore.


At least that's how I do it. Works everytime.

That reminds me of a haunted house thread I was gonna make for halloween. For people to post little ghost gifs when they wanted to leave a roleplay that would link back to the thread with a list of reasons people might ghost and a lot of spooky fun.

 

[VyotteVylicious]

The act of ghosting happens is when they ignore you even after you have messaged them, asking what's up and all but starts new roleplays or search for a new one. You see them active, you see them responding to other people but not to you.

Not responding to your post for three days isn't ghosting (its a hobby not a job) but anything more than a week or so, and you have messaged them with no response, yea...they're ghosting.

 

[ashwynne]

I'm "ghost" friendly so I've never really thought about a solid definition for it but...
I think I'd consider it ghosting if either:
a) the person stopped replying for over a month or more (depending on previous posting/replying schedule this timeframe might be longer) without any kind of notice.
b) the person stopped replying while still being active on the forum elsewhere.

I've fortunately never experienced option (b) and with option (a) I understand it can often be RL issues so it doesn't offend/bother me, but I do still consider it ghosting. Any scenario where someone abandons their writing partner without giving warning/notice counts, imo. After a certain "courtesy" time period at any rate.

 

[Crayons]

Leaving an RP without warning, or not replying to communications, for a decently long period. I think Ashwynne's "month" seems reasonable.

Whether they are active on the site or elsewhere doesn't come into it for me.

Ghosting because of RL stuff is understandable, but it's still ghosting.

 

[Gowi]

Consider that ghosting means on a OOC and IC level. Someone who is active in the discord or OOC thread but hasn't posted in IC isn't someone I'd consider as someone who is "ghosting". Ghosting is refusal to communicate for any number of reasons and their dropping of your RP.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Consider that ghosting means on a OOC and IC level. Someone who is active in the discord or OOC thread but hasn't posted in IC isn't someone I'd consider as someone who is "ghosting". Ghosting is refusal to communicate for any number of reasons and their dropping of your RP.

That actually brings up a distinction I have been meaning to use.

As near as I can tell most people consider ghosting to be an active choice where someone has the opportunity to inform others of their absence but choose not to.

The problem is that the term is also used to describe people who don't make a choice and can't respond for reasons that are out of their control.

An example I use is a death in the family or your Internet going out. You obviously didn't choose for those things to happen. And most likely they will take you away from the computer and prevent you from contacting your partners.

So in your experience what would you call those situations if not ghosting.

 

[Gowi]

An example I use is a death in the family or your Internet going out. You obviously didn't choose for those things to happen. And most likely they will take you away from the computer and prevent you from contacting your partners.

So in your experience what would you call those situations if not ghosting.

In the age of mobile data, it is hard to excuse it. Sometimes people ghost, it’s not bad or should be a blemish on their record if it happens once or twice. As someone who has had been in situations like that I can say with confidence that contact can be made fairly easily. With a death in the family, all it takes is a PM to the GM stating family issues (or even a status update). If internet is lost and they lack a phone all they can do is when they come back from the situation and inform the GM about what happened.

I don't tend to use the term "ghosting" often, but if someone vanishes in the midst of a RP you can assume life caught up with them and they are unavailable or they got disinterested and don't have the manners to tell you. I like to live by optimism rather than cynicism, however, so I tend to gravitate towards the former over the latter.

 

[Crayons]

It's still ghosting whether intentional or not. It's not like ghosting is a crime and we need to evaluate intent to judge the result.

However I wouldn't consider it ghosting if the person is still talking to me OOC.

 

[rae2nerdy]

In the age of mobile data, it is hard to excuse it. Sometimes people ghost, it’s not bad or should be a blemish on their record if it happens once or twice. As someone who has had been in situations like that I can say with confidence that contact can be made fairly easily. With a death in the family, all it takes is a PM to the GM stating family issues (or even a status update). If internet is lost and they lack a phone all they can do is when they come back from the situation and inform the GM about what happened.

I don't tend to use the term "ghosting" often, but if someone vanishes in the midst of a RP you can assume life caught up with them and they are unavailable or they got disinterested and don't have the manners to tell you. I like to live by optimism rather than cynicism, however, so I tend to gravitate towards the former over the latter.

Well in my mind I am talking about ghosting as a negative connotation. So for me I see a lot of people treating ghosting as a deliberate act of ignoring someone which is seen as rude.

But obviously there are instances when you realistically can’t get online. Not everyone has a smart phone or the time to talk to someone when they are in the midst of a real life trauma.

Like if someone in your family dies your first instinct shouldn’t be talking to a stranger online. It’s honestly kind of bonkers to me that people are like “Yeah Karen is going through this really traumatic experience but she should totally prioritize this story we’ve been writing for like three days over grieving for her loved ones.”

It’s just so dismissive to me. When you can just as easily have someone contact you after the fact and say “Yeah sorry I was MIA my mom died and I was super busy and depressed. “

Like to me that’s why I find the whole ghosting thing so confusing. Because there is obviously a very big difference between someone who literally cannot respond for some IRL reason and someone who chooses to ignore you.

I don’t personally care either way but I at least acknowledge they are two different scenarios. It boggles my mind when people are like “No it’s the same thing whether Karen was hospitalized or she just doesn’t like my idea”

Like no it’s not the same. One case is something that affects a real persons health and another is someone being a little bit insensitive online.

 

[Gowi]

Like if someone in your family dies your first instinct shouldn’t be talking to a stranger online. It’s honestly kind of bonkers to me that people are like “Yeah Karen is going through this really traumatic experience but she should totally prioritize this story we’ve been writing for like three days over grieving for her loved ones.”

It’s just so dismissive to me. When you can just as easily have someone contact you after the fact and say “Yeah sorry I was MIA my mom died and I was super busy and depressed. “

Nobody expects someone to immediately prioritize RP over real life--or at least nobody I know.