Advice/Help Why Do People Drop Out/Ghost?

[FloofWhispers]

So, I've been noticing that people often drop out/ghost me during a roleplay, and, it often makes me feel like trash. I'm not sure if it's because I'm a horrible writer/roleplayer, somehow triggered someone or just did something that upset them.

Here's a sample so that I can get some pointers.

Spoiler: Sample

The man wasn't dead. He just had learned to stay silent, play dead, and wait until the right moment. Rage had burned into him, and he knew that if he waited, he'd tear this demon apart like all the others. He was embarrassed as well, considering he had fallen for such a measly, stupid trap. This had only enraged him more, and, honestly, he couldn't wait to get out and beat the damned demon to death. He'd add another kill to his name.

 

[The Great Sage]

My general advice for keeping other people engaged is to not focus on what you're writing - but rather focus on how you're setting your partner up. As a creative writing collaborator it's not nearly as important to have intricate, flowing prose as it is to give your partner the most opportunity you possibly can to shine.

 

[FloofWhispers]

My general advice for keeping other people engaged is to not focus on what you're writing - but rather focus on how you're setting your partner up. As a creative writing collaborator it's not nearly as important to have intricate, flowing prose as it is to give your partner the most opportunity you possibly can to shine.

Ooooh. Okay, that makes a lot of sense! Thank you!

 

[nerdy tangents]

Ghosting is a common occurrence in roleplays. I have been doing this for over a decade and 90 percent of my roleplays leave with someone ghosting.

It has nothing to do with you as a person, your writing, etc. it’s just a fact of the hobby.

I find that the best thing you can do as a roleplayer is to just accept ghosting happens and not take it personally.

 

[hopelessly mandy]

So, I've been noticing that people often drop out/ghost me during a roleplay. . .

i wouldn't take it personally. you never know what could've happened - school, mental health, physical health, etc.. you'll find someone that is a good partner to you in time, i promise. but yes, like the great sage said - make sure you're allowing the other person something to respond to - paragraphs of internal monologue, while good for development, don't give your partner much to respond to. perhaps to make the example you sent go an extra mile - maybe have your character attack the other character they're interacting with. if i were roleplaying with you, based on your example, my character wouldn't know what to do, and i'd end up having to drag the plot along. dragging the plot along entirely on your own can be upsetting, because part of the joys of roleplaying is that you get to work on the plot together and get to have fun with it!

 

[Idea]

To build on some of those previous points, indeed it isn't personal. In fact, from what I've see, IRL complications (Which can range between anything like a family death or major accident to a unexpectedly busy week at work), combined a good chunk of people here having some form of anxiety or depression (and most not being great at socializing in general) tend to be the biggest causes, followed by a lack of communication or loss of interest. People simply have something come up, and then find themselves blocked in terms of communicating it, being unable to face their partner in some way after the absence, so they end up actually leaving.

Ghosting is just a part of the reality of roleplaying as a hobby. Rather than focusing too much on avoiding it, it's a better strategy to learn to cope with it. I personally do so by putting enough effort and care into making my characters, posts, settings and so on that I feel they have a worth on their own, beyond just being a part of the roleplay, and thus even if it goes nowhere I can look back on them proudly and not feel I just wasted my time. Of course, this is a method that works for me, so it's important to find one that works for you specifically.

As for your writing, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with it, though you may selected a post that's better written than your real average (an unfortunate temptation when one is to provide a sample), I wouldn't know. So it's not badly written though it does appear to be quite on the short side, far shorter than what I would consider a casual RPer's typical post. Please don't misunderstand I'm not saying that makes it a bad post or that you should write bigger ones, but I do think if you are worried something about your writing wasn't to your partner's liking I think informing them of the kind of posts you like to make could be useful. I took the liberty of looking through your interest checks and don't seem to often bring up details like that, and the one regarding length isn't brought up period. It's the only thing that comes to mind where expectations could not be being met, at least of what I can recommend fixing with the little knowledge I have on you.

Regardless, I hope this helps. Best of luck and happy RPing!

 

[grimmmy]

I ghost all the time and I probably still will in the future, if I still want to RP here. It's never personal! I just don't see the point in contacting people to tell them I'm not interested anymore because it never was a commitment in the first place. I can drop and there won't be any social consequences. Any feelings of obligation would just be me being hard on myself. I would like to think that's the main reason people ghost, not because they're "depressed": it's because RP isn't a real social obligation unless you make it one.

Oh, and your writing's fine, I guess-

 

[Hootle]

There are so many reasons. Real life obligations or other instances. It's just one part of roleplay you have to take the good with the bad. I know it's easier said than done but you shouldn't feel like trash. It's something that unfortunately happens. Just try to keep your head up.

 

[Hootle]

I ghost all the time and I probably still will in the future, if I still want to RP here. It's never personal! I just don't see the point in contacting people to tell them I'm not interested anymore because it never was a commitment in the first place. I can drop and there won't be any social consequences. Any feelings of obligation would just be me being hard on myself. I would like to think that's the main reason people ghost, not because they're "depressed": it's because RP isn't a real social obligation unless you make it one.

Oh, and your writing's fine, I guess-

Yeaaah, I think I would have kept all of this to myself. I mean if you're going to give a compliment, give one. Everything else just seems unnecessary.

 

[FloofWhispers]

i wouldn't take it personally. you never know what could've happened - school, mental health, physical health, etc.. you'll find someone that is a good partner to you in time, i promise. but yes, like the great sage said - make sure you're allowing the other person something to respond to - paragraphs of internal monologue, while good for development, don't give your partner much to respond to. perhaps to make the example you sent go an extra mile - maybe have your character attack the other character they're interacting with. if i were roleplaying with you, based on your example, my character wouldn't know what to do, and i'd end up having to drag the plot along. dragging the plot along entirely on your own can be upsetting, because part of the joys of roleplaying is that you get to work on the plot together and get to have fun with it!

Oh okay! That makes sense!

 

[hopelessly mandy]

I ghost all the time and I probably still will in the future, if I still want to RP here. It's never personal! I just don't see the point in contacting people to tell them I'm not interested anymore because it never was a commitment in the first place. I can drop and there won't be any social consequences. Any feelings of obligation would just be me being hard on myself. I would like to think that's the main reason people ghost, not because they're "depressed": it's because RP isn't a real social obligation unless you make it one.

Oh, and your writing's fine, I guess-

roleplay isn't a social obligation, no - you won't be reprimanded for not informing your partner of your lack of interest. however, it's the polite thing to do. when someone ghosts without letting the other person know why, this can cause anxiety and a lack of faith in their writing in the person who was ghosted. i will say that it is a commitment when you reach out to someone - you make a commitment when you reach out to the person to begin plotting and developing a story. the least you could do is let them know you're no longer interested. i'd also like to point out that mental health is very real and mental illnesses affect people more than you may know. your experience is not universal. i know mine is not, either, but judging from your response, i really doubt you struggle with mental illness. this doubt is not meant to be accusatory, however it has influenced my response because something as simple as you putting quotes around the word depression/depressed could be upsetting to many people. frankly, unless you do have experiences with mental illnesses, i don't feel you have a say on whether people ghost because they're depressed or not.

as for your offhanded - compliment? it doesn't really come off as a compliment. the 'i guess' at the end really detracts from what is supposed to be kind and reassuring. or perhaps it wasn't meant to be kind at all, and you just tacked it on to make yourself seem less mean - which was uneffective.

i'm sure xeridian ogres appreciates your response nonetheless, but perhaps different word choice would've made people get less defensive and upset. even though you're anonymous on the internet, the people behind the screen are still real and do still have feelings - thank you.

Oh okay! That makes sense!

happy to help at least a little! :]

 

[FloofWhispers]

roleplay isn't a social obligation, no - you won't be reprimanded for not informing your partner of your lack of interest. however, it's the polite thing to do. when someone ghosts without letting the other person know why, this can cause anxiety and a lack of faith in their writing in the person who was ghosted. i will say that it is a commitment when you reach out to someone - you make a commitment when you reach out to the person to begin plotting and developing a story. the least you could do is let them know you're no longer interested. i'd also like to point out that mental health is very real and mental illnesses affect people more than you may know. your experience is not universal. i know mine is not, either, but judging from your response, i really doubt you struggle with mental illness. this doubt is not meant to be accusatory, however it has influenced my response because something as simple as you putting quotes around the word depression/depressed could be upsetting to many people. frankly, unless you do have experiences with mental illnesses, i don't feel you have a say on whether people ghost because they're depressed or not.

as for your offhanded - compliment? it doesn't really come off as a compliment. the 'i guess' at the end really detracts from what is supposed to be kind and reassuring. or perhaps it wasn't meant to be kind at all, and you just tacked it on to make yourself seem less mean - which was uneffective.

i'm sure xeridian ogres appreciates your response nonetheless, but perhaps different word choice would've made people get less defensive and upset. even though you're anonymous on the internet, the people behind the screen are still real and do still have feelings - thank you.


happy to help at least a little! :]

Thanks for the defense! The "I guess" did make me feel like he really didn't care.

 

[Lorsh]

I ghost all the time and I probably still will in the future, if I still want to RP here.

good to know

 

[GojiBean]

Greetings!

Ghosting certainly is a prolific problem in the world of online role-playing, and sadly it's not going away.

The top 5 reasons for ghosting according to my own experience are:

* Life getting in the way (work, school, family, all of the above)
* Rapidly declining interest in the subject
* A rapid decline in the rate of posting (or an outright halt)
* Tension between members (can create awkward OOC silences)
* Poor writer's chemistry

That last one might be new to some. But here's the gist of what it means: Basically the writers outside of the RP have poor chemistry when communicating and it often leads to a poor interaction between their characters. The Great Sage touched on this in their reply about "setting your partner up," and that is sometimes missed. Especially when your off the page chemistry is lacking and there's little to no communication going on to lead to a positive and eventful result on the page.

Does that make sense?

So yeah. Unfortunately ghosting is a thing and it's here to stay.

It has nothing to do with you or your skills so try not to take it personally when it happens. Just accept it, shrug your shoulders, and focus on your next big adventure.

Cheers!

~ GojiBean

 

[FloofWhispers]

Greetings!

Ghosting certainly is a prolific problem in the world of online role-playing, and sadly it's not going away.

The top 5 reasons for ghosting according to my own experience are:

* Life getting in the way (work, school, family, all of the above)
* Rapidly declining interest in the subject
* A rapid decline in the rate of posting (or an outright halt)
* Tension between members (can create awkward OOC silences)
* Poor writer's chemistry

That last one might be new to some. But here's the gist of what it means: Basically the writers outside of the RP have poor chemistry when communicating and it often leads to a poor interaction between their characters. The Great Sage touched on this in their reply about "setting your partner up," and that is sometimes missed. Especially when your off the page chemistry is lacking and there's little to no communication going on to lead to a positive and eventful result on the page.

Does that make sense?

So yeah. Unfortunately ghosting is a thing and it's here to stay.

It has nothing to do with you or your skills so try not to take it personally when it happens. Just accept it, shrug your shoulders, and focus on your next big adventure.

Cheers!

~ GojiBean

Thanks for the summary!