Opinion the struggle of being a hypocrite

[calypso]

so to preface this, i've been in a total RP funk lately
group rps lost their charm, or I'm finding myself unattached to all the characters / can't keep up. so i'm like, heck, do some 1x1s girl. get the blood going.


then i hit the bump in the road.

every search thread I find that seems interesting enough has one big requirement -
they only want male characters. not that big of a deal, but it's starting to stack up considering my current craving/funk. I really want to use some old OCs that haven't got any love, and their plots are finally open to being explored in a 1x1. It's three characters, but the big issue is they're all female.

so i can't rlly do those male only threads, or people adamant on playing the female role every time in the RP. which is also another dilemma, because that makes me a hypocrite! I wanna play my female OCs too, so what makes mine more important than the others in the search threads? I try to stand out with unique plots, but I guess I just wanted to rant.

I feel like I can offer a lot in an RP, and I lately been really proud of some writing I've done in my more out there OCs. But unfortunately, there's a lot of other people out there with similar pitches and ideas, and I'm having not a ton of luck in my own thread I posted, along with searching. (I'm also not into fandom RPs, so that hella slashes down the threads.)

does anyone have an advice about this, or do you just feel my pain somewhat of being generic and hypocritical about it all?

 

[rae2nerdy]

So are your wanting a romance where it would be impossible for the other person to also play the female?

 

[calypso]

So are your wanting a romance where it would be impossible for the other person to also play the female?

No, more like they solely want a male OC in their search threads, and they aren't too terribly open to having a lesbian relationship or just simply want to RP with a male. I'm just looking to use my female OCs, but it seems everyone is seeking male OCs. (Even if it's not for romance purposes.)

 

[rae2nerdy]

No, more like they solely want a male OC in their search threads, and they aren't too terribly open to having a lesbian relationship or just simply want to RP with a male. I'm just looking to use my female OCs, but it seems everyone is seeking male OCs. (Even if it's not for romance purposes.)

I would say make your own thread and let people know that you are looking for stories with specific OC but you don’t care what gender your partner plays.

As honestly there might be a lot of the “female only” threads but they turn a lot of people off. No one likes to feel taken advantage of which is a lot of times what happens. The person has their preferred role and forces their partner to take the role they don’t want.

So making a thread where you don’t focus only on what YOU want and allow your partner to submit whatever character they want will actually go over really well.

Heck I look specifically for people who do this. Because I feel like they are more open to compromise and making a roleplay that both people enjoy.

I am sadly way overbooked at the moment or I would ask for your interest check.

But yeah just making your own search is probably the best solution.

And for the love of god don’t put “I only want to play females, you play X.” Just say “I want to play these OCs in X stories” or whatever.

 

[calypso]

I would say make your own thread and let people know that you are looking for stories with specific OC but you don’t care what gender your partner plays.

As honestly there might be a lot of the “female only” threads but they turn a lot of people off. No one likes to feel taken advantage of which is a lot of times what happens. The person has their preferred role and forces their partner to take the role they don’t want.

So making a thread where you don’t focus only on what YOU want and allow your partner to submit whatever character they want will actually go over really well.

Heck I look specifically for people who do this. Because I feel like they are more open to compromise and making a roleplay that both people enjoy.

I am sadly way overbooked at the moment or I would ask for your interest check.

But yeah just making your own search is probably the best solution.

And for the love of god don’t put “I only want to play females, you play X.” Just say “I want to play these OCs in X stories” or whatever.

I think luckily I've found people who want to RP with me, and they've decided to make their own OCs how they wish. (For one of my plots I'd say I'd love to see a male character, just because I love the arch-type of a male fae. Other than that, they were pretty open. I may of used he/him pronouns in one of my plots, but it's one of those things I'm open for changing if people want to play female. I just wrote it sloppily and threw in pronouns.)

I guess I just find it interesting. I understand playing with what you're comfortable with, but it's odd to me there's such a lock down on wanting male OCs only. Sometimes I wonder if it turns away male RPers or people who tend to play male characters away, because they're such a novelty.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I think luckily I've found people who want to RP with me, and they've decided to make their own OCs how they wish. (For one of my plots I'd say I'd love to see a male character, just because I love the arch-type of a male fae. Other than that, they were pretty open. I may of used he/him pronouns in one of my plots, but it's one of those things I'm open for changing if people want to play female. I just wrote it sloppily and threw in pronouns.)

I guess I just find it interesting. I understand playing with what you're comfortable with, but it's odd to me there's such a lock down on wanting male OCs only. Sometimes I wonder if it turns away male RPers or people who tend to play male characters away, because they're such a novelty.

I think it’s selfishness honestly. As I said it’s people who are focused only on what they want.

They have a specific (Male) love interest in mind for their OC that their partner HAS to play.

You rarely see gender requirements outside of romance as it’s usually not that important. There isn’t functionally any difference between a male or female sibling OR a male or female friend.

Now why Male romantic interests over female romantic interests?

Simple most roleplayers are women. And of those women most are straight. So they want a love interest they can find attractive. So they’ll ask for a male love interest.

*There are also obviously gay men who might also like male romantic interests. But they seem to be the minority and don’t account for the sheer popularity

 

[Onmyoji]

Wanting to see certain characters in a rp doesn't make you a hypocrite, for starters. It's normal. You're supposed to have fun with what you rp after all.

I feel your pain although a bit from the other side lol I mostly play male characters so it somewhat makes it easier for me to find a rp because of that, when I feel like playing romance especially, since this tends to be a requirement in romance rp most of the time.
However when I suddenly feel like playing a female character for a change I'm left with the same experience as you lol
The only time I didn't give in and insisted on a female OC happened to be the time where the whole group independently decided to play female characters... the rp never started though.

 

[calypso]

Wanting to see certain characters in a rp doesn't make you a hypocrite, for starters. It's normal. You're supposed to have fun with what you rp after all.

I feel your pain although a bit from the other side lol I mostly play male characters so it somewhat makes it easier for me to find a rp because of that, when I feel like playing romance especially, since this tends to be a requirement in romance rp most of the time.
However when I suddenly feel like playing a female character for a change I'm left with the same experience as you lol
The only time I didn't give in and insisted on a female OC happened to be the time where the whole group independently decided to play female characters... the rp never started though.

If you had played the one male character...That'd be the plot of some bad anime. I don't see the issue too much in group RPs, but sometimes I see people 'shipping' characters together before the RP even starts and it confuses me a bunch. Like...What? How are they good together if you haven't even RPed?

 

[Onmyoji]

If you had played the one male character...That'd be the plot of some bad anime. I don't see the issue too much in group RPs, but sometimes I see people 'shipping' characters together before the RP even starts and it confuses me a bunch. Like...What? How are they good together if you haven't even RPed?

haha I thought about it, but I was like NOPE no male characters JUST THIS ONCE. I don't mind playing male characters all the time, really, I'm enjoying it, I have certain archetypes that I like to rp, but when you're sort of stuck into the same role 99% of the time you just want change sometimes. And in this case bringing this change to life is a bit hard because male characters are in more demand.
Then again, it is mostly about romance rp. When you have sort of adventure story with platonic relationships, character gender doesn't matter at all. And I agree it's less important in groups usually.

And people can start shipping the characters regardless of character gender, I had my male character being shipped by the whole group with a male NPC once. Well, there were certain tropes in his backstory (like 'friends to enemies') that could be potentially developed into shipping, but still wasn't my original intention lol

 

[d1uni5ys24si3o]

I honestly never had a problem finding female or male characters and that's in my 6 years of roleplaying....
I play both but back in the days I used to only play guys and now I mostly play girls...never had such an issue.

Regardless, I don't think you are a hypocrite or selfish to want a certain type of character for YOUR roleplay.
Asking someone (politely) if they could play xx character or use xx faceclaim is not an issue either in my opinion.

If you ask politely and accept whatever decision your partner goes along with, I think it's fine.

On another note, if you do have a hard time finding a 1x1 partner, hit me up. Maybe one of your plots will interest me.

 

[calypso]

haha I thought about it, but I was like NOPE no male characters JUST THIS ONCE. I don't mind playing male characters all the time, really, I'm enjoying it, I have certain archetypes that I like to rp, but when you're sort of stuck into the same role 99% of the time you just want change sometimes. And in this case bringing this change to life is a bit hard because male characters are in more demand.
Then again, it is mostly about romance rp. When you have sort of adventure story with platonic relationships, character gender doesn't matter at all. And I agree it's less important in groups usually.

And people can start shipping the characters regardless of character gender, I had my male character being shipped by the whole group with a male NPC once. Well, there were certain tropes in his backstory (like 'friends to enemies') that could be potentially developed into shipping, but still wasn't my original intention lol

Once I tried to make an RP centered about showgirls, so a mainly female cast, but it didn't work out. (Mostly cause everyone seemed to ignore the rule I posted saying required character sheets and just didn't do 'em)

 

[Idea]

Others have said this, but you are not a hypocrite. If you'd say what those people, by choosing to play female OCs and asking for male OCs, makes them bad people or they shouldn't do that, yet you yourself followed such behaviors, then you'd be a hypocrite. What you have is just a tragic case of mutual incompatibility. Still, the situation doesn't seem hopeless to me. The way I see it, you essentially have four options:

1.Double Ups ------> The most direct solution that comes to my mind is double ups. There's plenty of people who pretty outwardly say they are willing to work on double ups, and some which might be willing even if they don't outright say it. Of course, it does come at the usual consequence that they will tend to focus more on the character they want to play most rather than the other character, but that's the gamble.

2.Your own Interest Check--->Now I don't mean making a new one, you've already got that down, I mean improving it.I can't know for sure without taking a closer look but from the way you spoke of it you seem to have the basics down: and interest check is ultimately your pitch, serving as both a filter and a hook. It's all about what you have to offer to the kind of people you want to attract. In that last regard I feel like a lot of interest checks, especially those who already understand the need to appeal to the potential interested while competing in the larger market of ideas, tend to be subpar at. You may have made a good interest check, but is it already geared towards the kind of audience you want to attract or does it in some way potentially scare away that audience? That kind of thing.

3.Small group---> A small and more organized group might be the right thing when it comes to overcoming the kinds of issues you have with group RPs in generall, as well as allowing you the freedom of character-making one can generally indulge in in groups.

4.Compromise elsewhere--->If nothing else works, there's the final option of compromising in other areas. If you are realy desperate for a female character, then you may be willing to make sacrifices elsewhere to get to play with that female OC.

Those are just some suggestionsm, but I hope they help. Best of luck and happy RPing!

 

[Idea]

I think it’s selfishness honestly. As I said it’s people who are focused only on what they want.

Is that really selfishness though? I mean you're right they're focused on what they want but... is persuing, with your limited time and energy, a target that will actually satisfy you something selfish? Would be at all reasonable to demand that people participate and waste their time on roleplays they don't enjoy for the sake allowing more people to roleplay with them?

 

[rae2nerdy]

Is that really selfishness though? I mean you're right they're focused on what they want but... is persuing, with your limited time and energy, a target that will actually satisfy you something selfish? Would be at all reasonable to demand that people participate and waste their time on roleplays they don't enjoy for the sake allowing more people to roleplay with them?

No. Which is why you don't make selfish requests. Because that is EXACTLY what your requiring from the readers.

"Oh I don't give a shit if your happy as long as I get my way you can suck it up and deal with it."

No one is going to want to roleplay with you if that is your attitude. And to me when you make demands in your interest check that is exactly what your doing. You are saying that you don't care if your partner is happy or enjoying themselves. All you care about is that you get your way on whatever thing you want.

Which is why things go down a lot easier when people are a lot more willing to compromise. You don't have to agree to do something you don't want but at least ask the other person if they're happy playing a role.

"Ex. So I really like to do MF pairings and I can only play female characters. If my partner would like me to play a FxF pairing or even a platonic pairing on the side I would be willing to try that. "

Something to that affect is better because you at least acknowledge that the other person might have something they want to get out of the roleplay that isn't just playing the male role opposite your character. And furthermore it leaves it in their court to speak up on exactly what they want rather than just assuming that they want the same thing as you.

 

[Idea]

No. Which is why you don't make selfish requests. Because that is EXACTLY what your requiring from the readers.

"Oh I don't give a shit if your happy as long as I get my way you can suck it up and deal with it."

No one is going to want to roleplay with you if that is your attitude. And to me when you make demands in your interest check that is exactly what your doing. You are saying that you don't care if your partner is happy or enjoying themselves. All you care about is that you get your way on whatever thing you want.

Which is why things go down a lot easier when people are a lot more willing to compromise. You don't have to agree to do something you don't want but at least ask the other person if they're happy playing a role.

"Ex. So I really like to do MF pairings and I can only play female characters. If my partner would like me to play a FxF pairing or even a platonic pairing on the side I would be willing to try that. "

Something to that affect is better because you at least acknowledge that the other person might have something they want to get out of the roleplay that isn't just playing the male role opposite your character. And furthermore it leaves it in their court to speak up on exactly what they want rather than just assuming that they want the same thing as you.

But someone’s requirements isn’t them assuming anything of the other person, in fact it’s precisely the opposite: it’s because they don’t know what the other person wants or thinks that these filters are put in place. The point is precisely to find people whose interests align with yours. It may not be a selfless thing, but that by itself does not imply that it is selfish.

We can of course both agree that a “I don’t care about what you like” type of attitude is selfish, and I would say a real *ssh*le attitude to have. But just having demands is not the same, nor does it imply in all cases, that attitude. As a token of example, among my requirements are that my partners give me 15 full PC lines per post, and always on a thread. This is a pretty hefty requirement for most people, but it isn’t saying anyone should start making those large posts or role playing on threads just because I want to, it is saying I want to role play with someone who also enjoys those things.

It is no more selfish than not selling something at half price just cause the other person forgot their wallet, or refusing to hire a blind person to be a pilot. If the offer doesn’t match what either party wants then that party never had any responsibility towards the other person in the first place. If not for what they want to role play, the interest check wouldn’t exist at all.

A demand or requirement isn’t imposing nor taking anything from someone, it’s just not offering in spite of oneself.

 

[rae2nerdy]

But someone’s requirements isn’t them assuming anything of the other person, in fact it’s precisely the opposite: it’s because they don’t know what the other person wants or thinks that these filters are put in place. The point is precisely to find people whose interests align with yours. It may not be a selfless thing, but that by itself does not imply that it is selfish.

We can of course both agree that a “I don’t care about what you like” type of attitude is selfish, and I would say a real *ssh*le attitude to have. But just having demands is not the same, nor does it imply in all cases, that attitude. As a token of example, among my requirements are that my partners give me 15 full PC lines per post, and always on a thread. This is a pretty hefty requirement for most people, but it isn’t saying anyone should start making those large posts or role playing on threads just because I want to, it is saying I want to role play with someone who also enjoys those things.

It is no more selfish than not selling something at half price just cause the other person forgot their wallet, or refusing to hire a blind person to be a pilot. If the offer doesn’t match what either party wants then that party never had any responsibility towards the other person in the first place. If not for what they want to role play, the interest check wouldn’t exist at all.

A demand or requirement isn’t imposing nor taking anything from someone, it’s just not offering in spite of oneself.

And you are misunderstanding what I am talking about. I am not talking about having a requirement or a preference.

I am talking about people who are being selfish. Who don’t take their partners into consideration at all and make everything about what they want.

This is not the same thing as having a requirement obviously. I have requirements. But I don’t demand that everything in the roleplay be catered to me.

Which is what I mean by selfishness.

Like if you only want to play females than fine. That’s your right.

But what is selfish is demanding that your partner only can play a specific role that you designed. Not allowing them agency and basically asking them to ghost write your own fiction.

The problem isn’t the request itself its the mentality of the poster.

As an example - say Bon only roleplays as a human male who dates monster women. That’s it’s he has one character and one specific plot he’s interested in.

If he put an interest check that said - I am interested in a plot where your female monster character is super attracted to my male OC and the two of them date.

That’s kind of selfish because it basically tell the other person who their character is and how they have to act.

If he says - Hey I really like MF roleplays between a human and a monster girl. I will play the human.

That’s a request. Because he is at least allowing the partner to submit their own plots and is leaving it more open to them having a contribution.

I have roleplayed with Bob in both scenarios actually. Once when he was super demanding and once when he allowed me to actually have a say in the roleplay process.
Guess which roleplay lasted longer?

The one where we actually talked and he took some feedback from me. Not the one where he dictated everything from how my character looked to how she behaved.

And in BOTH cases he only did one kind of roleplay. Male human x Female monster. He played literally the same character.

So it’s not that having a narrow request is bad. It’s not allowing your partner to contribute in any meaningful way that is bad.

If your request is so specific that your partner can’t make any kind of contribution to it other than literally posting for your love interest. Than you need to be doing original fiction not roleplay.

And that’s my problem with a lot of romance threads. It’s not that people have specific interests. It’s that they don’t consider that their partners might have interests TOO.

As much as I hate doubling I will at least give the people credit for acknowleding that, hey there are two people in this roleplay and person 2 might like to have some say in the story.

Where I get frustrated again is the execution. As a lot of times the assumption is that Person 2 wants literally the exact same thing as Person 1.

Where again Person 1 just asking - Hey I really want X, I can do Y for your in return. Are you interested?

Is much better. As it leaves it up to Person 2 to say whether or not their interested in the pitch.

 

[Idea]

And you are misunderstanding what I am talking about. I am not talking about having a requirement or a preference.

I am talking about people who are being selfish. Who don’t take their partners into consideration at all and make everything about what they want.

This is not the same thing as having a requirement obviously. I have requirements. But I don’t demand that everything in the roleplay be catered to me.

Which is what I mean by selfishness.

Like if you only want to play females than fine. That’s your right.

But what is selfish is demanding that your partner only can play a specific role that you designed. Not allowing them agency and basically asking them to ghost write your own fiction.

The problem isn’t the request itself its the mentality of the poster.

As an example - say Bon only roleplays as a human male who dates monster women. That’s it’s he has one character and one specific plot he’s interested in.

If he put an interest check that said - I am interested in a plot where your female monster character is super attracted to my male OC and the two of them date.

That’s kind of selfish because it basically tell the other person who their character is and how they have to act.

If he says - Hey I really like MF roleplays between a human and a monster girl. I will play the human.

That’s a request. Because he is at least allowing the partner to submit their own plots and is leaving it more open to them having a contribution.

I have roleplayed with Bob in both scenarios actually. Once when he was super demanding and once when he allowed me to actually have a say in the roleplay process.
Guess which roleplay lasted longer?

The one where we actually talked and he took some feedback from me. Not the one where he dictated everything from how my character looked to how she behaved.

And in BOTH cases he only did one kind of roleplay. Male human x Female monster. He played literally the same character.

So it’s not that having a narrow request is bad. It’s not allowing your partner to contribute in any meaningful way that is bad.

If your request is so specific that your partner can’t make any kind of contribution to it other than literally posting for your love interest. Than you need to be doing original fiction not roleplay.

And that’s my problem with a lot of romance threads. It’s not that people have specific interests. It’s that they don’t consider that their partners might have interests TOO.

As much as I hate doubling I will at least give the people credit for a knowleding that, hey there are two people in this roleplay and person 2 might like to have some say in the story.

Where I get frustrated again is the execution. As a lot of times the assumption is that Person 2 wants literally the exact same thing as Person 1.

Where again Person 1 just asking - Hey I really want X, I can do Y for your in return. Are you interested?

Is much better. As it leaves it up to Person 2 to say whether or not their interested in the pitch.

Oh I see. Pardon me then, I was indeed misunderstanding.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Oh I see. Pardon me then, I was indeed misunderstanding.

It's fine.

 

[DavidEdevane]

I would totally get you to RP with me if I wasn't so unorganized.