Experiences How do you know if you've been ghosted?

[MysticFaerieQueen]

I have a friend I used to rp with a lot. But now they rarely reply, and if they do it's usually just one or two. I had asked them a while back if they were bored but they claim they aren't and are just busy. I know it's possible that things come up, but if you are actually done with rping why not just say something?

 

[Idea]

To answer the title question: You don't. You can only make informed guesses. As for what those guesses might be, people tend to set their own rules of thumb, partially due to their experiences with ghosting, partially due to the particular writing style (someone like myself who uses a more longform, slow posting pace lifestyle naturally would give more leeway than someone who expects their partner to post multiple times per day) and partially due to the patience of the person.

Now that being said, if there is still communication between you then by definition you were not ghosted, even if that communication is significantly reduced.

 

[Inno]

You can't tell. All you can do is first make sure they are okay. Real life may very well have gotten in the way for them where their posting is limited. If you both are still communicating that sounds like you have not been ghosted.

 

[nerdy tangents]

I have a friend I used to rp with a lot. But now they rarely reply, and if they do it's usually just one or two. I had asked them a while back if they were bored but they claim they aren't and are just busy. I know it's possible that things come up, but if you are actually done with rping why not just say something?

So if they are still replying and claim they are busy then they most definitely haven’t ghosted.

It’s actually super common for people to have periods where IRL is busy. My current partners have had ;

1. COVID
2. Started new jobs
3. Finished their college semesters


So yeah there will be weeks when I don’t get a reply or only get one or two responses.

For that matter I work Mon-Fri and might only reply every few days cuz I am busy with IRL stuff.

So as long as they are replying I wouldn’t worry about them ghosting. Especially if they have already given a reason for not responding

I mean if it will make you feel better you can ask them outright if they want know how long they will be busy for. I find it’s best to actually talk to your partner rather then trying to guess what’s going on.

Cuz your own fears are always going to be worse then the reality.

(I have had plenty of people loose interest and they never bother with the “I’m busy” excuse. They just stop responding altogether or let me know they have lost interest)

 

[TaperedNightjar]

I agree with nerdy tangents there. If they are replying to you they likely are just busy. now if they blocked you or something, that would definitely be ghosting in my book.

I was doing a 1x1 via discord and posting maybe once a week. I also was not on our Ooc as much I had been in the past. At the time I was finishing up grooming school and preparing to move 1,200 miles. My partner knew this but seemed to be worried I was getting bored and no longer interested. They ended up quitting before me.

 

[Murdergurl]

i just leave it open-ended. If I've responded and am waiting for someone else's reply... and it's been days longer than it usually takes for them to reply, I just assume they either forgot or moved on because they lost motivation or interest. Either way, I don't message them. I don't poke, or tag or send a notification. If it wasn't important enough for them to remember, then they never really cared that much. and if they lost interest or motivation, then what even is the point of contacting them? They already made the motions to quit. What's done is done, and I'll leave them to their decion.I guess to that end, I'm "ghost friendly"?

Like, I don't WANT to be ghosted. And like anyone else I vent my frustrations about it. But if someone up and leaves an RP, I'm not gonna go chasing them down. I mean, I guess I can relate, as I've done the same. Sometimes you just lose interests, and instead of having some awkward conversation about it, you just kinda let it quietly die off. I wouldn't want someone hounding me about doing it, so I reciprocate that sentiment in reverse.