Winona
No, I don't have too many characters.
Ashton West
The date at the aquarium had actually gone, like, really well. As they were nearing the end of said date, the whole little awkward thing with the restaurant from earlier had completely faded from memory, and like, she wasn't even feeling any amounts of guilt or anything along those lines by the end of it.
She... well, Ash actually felt content and comfortable by the end of it. Like her hand belonged in Trevor's for once, like there wasn't any kind of hidden tenseness. You know, that dark dread that lingered at the edges of her interactions with Trevor since Halloween, where she still had this little feeling in the pit of her stomach that made her feel like she was walking on ice and that any wrong step would make him snap at her like that again.
Consciously, she didn't realize that she was still harboring this fear. Consciously, she thought it was just... well, she thought it was just nerves or something. Yeah.
And hey, as they came out of the last tunnel, Ash actually felt a little sad. Because that would mean having to leave this aquarium, and that would mean just... like... well, like, she liked how this felt, and she didn't want the odd tension that usually hovered over their relationship to return.
“Hey…,” he began, and she looked up at him curiously. “Can we…get away?”
"Huh?" She asked, eyebrows drawing together for a moment in confusion.
“Ah, I mean — I mean to a bench, a bench, ah…”
Wh--
But she let him lead her over to the bench, a curious expression on her face as he let go of her hand and took a seat on the bench. Curious, she sat down on the bench beside him, clasping her hands together and resting them in her lap as she looked over at Trevor, waiting to see what this was about.
He started rambling, kind of tripping over his words, and Ash's eyebrows drew together in a confused expression. Her lips were still parted partially into a smile, but she was kind of getting that feeling in the pit of her stomach again. Like... like... she just felt sick, and her heart felt like it might beat out of her chest.
“I’m just…I don’t know. Ash…” He shook his head slightly. “I — I…ah…I guess I’m just… I’m…I’m — I’m sorry.”
Huh?
He looked towards Ash, and she blinked at him in response. Her smile dropped from her face, her eyebrows drawing together further, lips turning down into a confused frown. Why was he apologizing? He hadn't... he hadn't done anything that warranted an apology, and now she was racking her brain, trying to figure it out.
“I am.” He gave a nod. “I’m sorry.”
Him repeating it just made her more confused, and she crossed her arms over her stomach, applying pressure to try and stop the tossing and turning of confusion in her stomach. Her instant reaction was that he was apologizing because he, like, cheated, but could she even get mad at him for that?
Fuck, she wouldn't get mad at him for that.
And no, it wasn't just because of the guilt of what happened earlier with Lucky.
The more he talked, though, the more that she felt like her world was kind of caving in. Her breaths were coming in shorter, sharper gasps, her chest was aching and burning, and she tightened and tightened and tightened the grip around her stomach as if that would somehow make the feeling disappear.
He said he was bad news.
He said he pretended like she didn't exist a lot of the time.
He said he lied a lot.
Oh god, her chest was going to squeeze so hard it was going to crack.
It was all winding up to be some kind of great admittance to cheating, right? Like she'd seen this before, she'd heard this before, she'd heard all of these words before. It was going to be like... cheating or something... something like... "I'm sorry I lied to you, because actually I've been banging this other chick," and then it was going to be an awkward breakup, probably followed by the old "but we can still be friends."
Like, at least that's how she'd seen this kind of stuff go mostly in movies.
Her last breakup hadn't exactly gone swimmingly, although if Trevor was revving up for the same admittances that she'd heard from Nico (although again, he'd never actually admitted to cheating), she knew exactly how this was going to go. They'd probably blow up. They'd break up. She'd have to find a different ride home.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Lock-in night, sitting there with you…it made me really realize that I didn’t know you. Tha thing is, Ash…we’re basically strangers. You know a lot about me, probably, since I never fecking shut up…but I don’t know about you. I don’t know your favorite color, I don’t know, like — like, what you like, I don’t know the…well, hell, I don’t even think I know your birthday. I know what kind of alcohol you like, and that’s about it. And…that’s not how I want it to be. I want to know you — really know you. I don’t want you to just be my girlfriend because…because you just are, ya know. I’m…I say I’m bad at relationships, of all kinds, but…it’s…it’s just because I don’t want to try to be good. Or — or didn’t. Or I just…I don’t know, I’m so pessimistic that I was counting the days internally, waiting for this to fall apart, because…I don’t fecking know. I just…didn’t want to try.”
Now she was just confused again. The path that she thought this was going down was starting to look less clear, and Ash's grip around her stomach loosened a bit. She tried to will her breaths to slow down, but the heavy beating of her chest didn't allow that just yet.
For a moment, there was quiet, and then Trevor started speaking again.
“I didn’t want to try.” He repeated.
She... thought he was doing okay.
He continued to speak, and her panic started to subside, and she started to relax a little bit, although she was still confused as to why he was talking like this. But she... liked it, like... she didn't like seeing him look like he was in pain discussing this, but she liked hearing what he said. That he liked being with her, that he liked it when they felt connected, because it kind of helped to make some of those fears go away. Like... that fear that he just wanted to sleep with her and was going to break up with her when he was done, or that fear that he'd cheated, or anything else.
“I care about you, Ash. I want to start showing it. I want to make sure you know it — and I want to…I want to see if we can really be more. I say we make this an attempt at love — or whatever…this is supposed to be, at least, and if we don’t make it…” He gave a small smile. “At least we tried, right?”
She let out a soft laugh, a warm smile crossing her face, and Ash gave a nod of her head. "Yeah, yeah, I'd ummm... yeah, I'd love that," she said again with another laugh.
And then he started stuttering again, but she kept a smile on her face as she watched him start fumbling for something, and then he pulled a long box from his pocket, and she looked curiously at the box as he removed the top, and she looked down into the box to see a silver necklace with a little star charm.
Carefully, she reached out and took the box from him, staring down at it for a moment as a smile cracked across her face. He'd said that he didn't listen, but umm... like, he had to remember that she liked stars, right? Like why else would he have gotten one with a little star?
“Girls like necklaces…?” he said, and she smiled up from the necklace to look at him. “I — I wanted to get you something special. I just — I…ah, I wasn’t sure if you’d like it, but… Yeah.”
"I love it," she said with a soft laugh, and she placed the box in her lap. While he continued to speak, Ash pulled the necklace from the box and clasped it carefully around her neck. She would've asked Trevor for help, but with how shaky and fidgety he was, she didn't want to like... stress him out more.
“Take it as my resolution. To, ah…officially…do….and be better. It’s…just…me saying that I hope we can…I don’t know, start all over, kind of. From square one. Trevor and Ash, dating. Trevor and Ash, the duo that works, even against all odds. Yeah.”
She looked down at the star charm now laying against her skin, pressing her fingers lightly against it for a moment before she looked back over at Trevor, her smile widening as she gave a nod of her head. "Yeah," she agreed, letting out a little giggle. "Yeah, umm... yeah, I'd love that."
And then he started his little ramblings again, and Ash watched him, waiting, as he fought to get through his sentence.
He wanted to ask her something, and she had a small inkling of what that might be.
She waited, heart pounding in anticipation.
“You, me. We’re…would you dance? No, I mean, what I mean…you…would you…”
Her cheeks heated up.
Go to the dance with you? Yes. Duh.
“…save a dance for me?”
She blinked at him, for a moment taking in the unconventional words, but then the warm smile on her face just returned and she gave a nod of her head followed by a small laugh. "Yeah, Trevor," she promised, "I'll save you, like... all the dances. Promise." She responded.
Well, they were dating, so it was kind of dumb to ask, anyway. Like dating meant that you were going to the dance together. No reason to ask.
"Thank you," Ash said and she leaned in, pressing a quick kiss against his lips, and then she wrapped her arms around him and for a while, she just sat there, hugging him, and enjoying the last bit of this moment. "Like... seriously," she said and pulled back a little bit to smile up at him, "this was like... probably the best date of my life."
And to prove that point, she gave him one last quick kiss.
After her date with Trevor had ended, Ash reluctantly parted ways with him to attend the foam party. Like, she would've tried to drag him with, but not only was it at Lucky and Javi's apartment (so two people that Trevor absolutely despised), but also foam didn't really seem like his thing. Like, she was pretty sure that he'd probably hate it, so she'd taken to going alone. Or mostly alone, as in with Cappie and Newt.
And the foam party? It had been amazing. She'd done shots with Javi (duh), danced with Newt and Cappie, did shots with Mikaela, and at some point, she'd met some guy named Spencer and he'd been really sweet and fun to talk to, so she'd chalk the whole night up to a win.
But then there had been the whole part of the night where she'd headed off with Lucky to the bottle of vodka that he'd promised to save for her, which happened to be on the fire escape or whatever. So she'd slipped out onto the fire escape with Lucky to share the vodka, and like... it was hard to imagine that the Arts Festival had literally been the same day. It was hard to imagine that just earlier that day, she'd been pressed so close to him in the dressing room.
And now? She had no desire to get that close to him.
So as they'd drank the vodka, she'd kept her distance. She'd dropped the whole friends thing a few more times, just to really like... cement it.
They were friends. She was dating Trevor. That was it.
And he seemed to get the unspoken memo and eventually, they headed back inside. And Ash enjoyed the rest of her night until she finally drunkenly headed home with Cappie. The next morning, she woke up with a horrible headache, but there was still a smile on her face.
So yeah, the whole Arts Festival for Ash? All things considered, it had been freaking amazing.
Unfortunately later in the day, she had the whole Harlow family dinner thing alongside the Darringtons and her own family. As she'd promised Lucky before, she headed over to his apartment early to help him pick something out because if she was bringing someone that they weren't going to approve of, well... Ash was going to make sure that he at least looked decent. And he did look decent enough with a little help from her.
And nothing happened. There were no lingering touches, there was nothing that was too close. It was kept platonic, it was kept business, and Ash was actually feeling better about their friendship. Like whatever had happened the day before had obviously just been the nerves. It had been a bit of a blip and it would never happen again. Obviously.
As Ash had pretty much expected when she'd first been told that they were going to attend dinner at the Harlows, it freaking sucked. Like, just everything about it sucked. She'd neglected to show up with her parents since she was obviously showing up with Lucky (and yeah, she hadn't warned her mom about that one ahead of time), so she knew that her mother was going to chew her out for that. And then she was in a dress that was uncomfortable and that she hated but that her mother had insisted was the only thing in her closet that was "appropriate."
So before Ash had even bothered to arrive at the front door, she was already on edge. At the very least, having someone there with her provided some level of comfort. Even if she would've much rather been there with her boyfriend -- especially since things were actually, like, going well with them. Like he'd apologized again, and for real this time, and he'd promised all of these things, and it just...
It felt different.
It was different. Like for what felt like the first time since they'd first started dating, and for a few days after lock-in, she actually really, really, really felt as if she liked Trevor. Like she had all of those butterflies when she thought about him, and it was just... yeah, she could feel it. It was different. They felt like a real couple now, even if they were still secret.
But instead, she was showing up with a different guy.
A different guy that everyone thought she was banging and that her actual boyfriend hated.
And that had ended up being a whole thing when she'd first walked through the door with him in tow. No one was excited to see the missing Harlow cousin, and Angie made a huge, huffy deal as she set up another place for him at the table -- you know, with Ash sandwiched between Lucky and Dorian. And then they'd kind of sat, awkwardly, waiting for the last member of the horrible family dinner to walk in... and finally she did. High as hell with -- freaking get this -- Ash's actual boyfriend in tow, which had just earned a shocked expression from Ash.
She hadn't let it stay on her face for long, of course, and she'd tried to focus on her plate and poking at the food that she didn't bother to taste to keep herself from getting too angry at him -- not that she had any reason to be angry at him, because it was fine, but she was just... confused. And sure, she'd directed a single question at him about how he'd said that he was busy.
Well, and save for a handful of glances across the table at Maggie as she tried to piece together why Trevor was alright being seen with her in public and going to an awkward family dinner with her but why he couldn't do the same with her. Like Ash got it. Maggie was... amazing.
But it still hurt.
But then there was Dorian, and the insults between the two of them kept getting tossed back and forth all night long, and it wasn't hard to tell that probably everyone was picking up on the hostility. And Ash knew that she should've stopped, but she couldn't and she hated everything about the night.
That was about the time that JJ loudly announced she was going to the bathroom and then, after a few coughs and repeats, Ash realized that she wanted her and Maddie to go with. So they did, and that had just been awkward. Like JJ had basically just told Ash to stop being a bitch to Dorian, as if he hadn't been tossing insults right back at her, but it wasn't like there was any arguing with JJ, so Ash had just nodded her head.
It had just been that instead of Ash taking a seat back at the dinner table along with everyone else when she'd returned from the bathroom talk or whatever with JJ and Maddie, Ash had tapped Lucky's shoulder and asked him to step outside with her. Like for fresh air or whatever, or at least that's what she hoped everyone else would think, but like... she knew it was for different reasons than that. And so did Lucky she hoped.
Those different reasons being, well, the alcohol he'd brought with. Obviously.
And of course he'd said yes, so they'd headed out to the back patio. Like Ash hadn't been over to the Harlow house a lot, but she had been over enough to at least know her way around. And after they'd stepped out onto the safety of the back patio and had closed the door, she wasted no time in holding her hand out.
"Please?" She asked, her eyebrows drawing together. "Umm... alcohol. Vodka, please?"
“We gotta stop meeting like this.” He joked as she took the flash from him, and she gave a brief smile.
She took a sip from the flask. The liquid burned going down, but it was a comfortable, familiar burning. And normally, she wouldn't be caught dead somewhere so close to where her parents were with alcohol in hand, but today... she didn't really care if she got caught.
"Thanks," she said as she took another drink from the flask before wandering towards one of the fancy patio couches that decorated the outside. With a sigh, she sank down into the couch.
Her gaze followed him as he walked over and took a seat beside her before he reached out for the flask. Ash glared over at him and took one last drink from the flask before she reluctantly handed it over. With nothing to occupy her hands, one arm crossed over her stomach while her other hand found the star necklace that Trevor had gifted her just the day before, and she absently started fiddling with it.
“I know why I’m having a shitty night, but you care to share?” He said, and Ash let out a soft exhale.
There wasn't really any reason for her to be upset, but...
"JJ was just all like... 'oh, stop being such a bitch to Dorian' or whatever in the bathroom." Ash said with a little dismissive shake of her head. "It's like, it's umm... it's whatever." She explained, obviously leaving out the whole part about Trevor.
“Well, Dorian isn’t exactly innocent either. You guys have been going back and forth all night.” Lucky responded, and Ash was glad that at least someone wasn't blaming her for everything wrong in the world.
She pressed her lips together, hesitating for a moment before she turned to look at Lucky. "I'm, like, sorry, for asking you to come. I'm umm... thanks, though." She said, her teeth biting into her bottom lip as she spoke.
“I’ve had worse nights.” He smiled weakly as she took the flask back. “I mean…not many…but this is definitely far from the worst. So, no apologies necessary or thanks. I wouldn’t have come if I didn’t want to be here.”
Yeah that's the part she didn't really get and the part that was kind of causing herself to ask questions. Like why would he want to be here? And with the flask safely back in her hands, Ash's fidgeting ceased.
"Like, it's... nice...," she started again, her words faltering a bit as she spoke. "I guess to be able to show up with someone that isn't, like... I guess just embarrassed or scared or whatever to be seen with me."
He sighed as he reached his arm across the back of the couch. “We’ve really gotta work on that confidence, Blair, cause I can’t think of anyone that would be embarrassed to be seen with you.”
Ash let out a small laugh and looked towards him, half-expecting him to be like laughing or something, but instead she was met with a reassuring smile. She returned the smile, holding Lucky's gaze for a moment before her smile inevitably fell and her gaze drifted back to the flask in her hands. Her finger tapped against the metal outside.
She took another long drink from the flask, and this time her eyebrows drew together and her nose wrinkled up as she swallowed it. Yeah, the whole drinking straight vodka on an empty stomach thing was kind of catching up to her.
"Dorian was," she mumbled in response to Lucky's last comment. And Trevor is, she added to herself. Like... she'd thought it was just a fear altogether of coming to this stupid dinner or whatever, but if he could show up with Maggie, then clearly the issue laid with Ash herself.
“I’m thinking that had less to do with you and more to do with the parental units.” Lucky responded, but Ash didn't really listen.
Her gaze softened, her fingers tapping against the metal of the flask. "Nico was the only one who wasn't." She mumbled.
And everyone hated him, so maybe he should've.
“From what I hear, he was a grade A douche and you’re much better off. And I don’t think two bad relationships equate with you being social suicide…that’s my job remember?” He said, and she let out a sigh in response.
Ash kind of wanted to argue against what he was saying, but she really didn't care enough right now to bother.
She shifted in the seat so that she was kind of facing Lucky, and she studied his face for a moment, her tongue pressing against the inside of her teeth before she finally held out the flask and asked the question that was pretty much burning at her mind.
"So why'd you want to be here?" Ash asked. "Just to see your dumb aunt? Like, I gotta say there were probably a lot better ways to do it than, ummm... well, than like this."
“That…Ms. Johannes…is the understatement of the year.” He smirked as he held the flask out for her. “And no. Not just to see my dumb aunt. But did you see her face when she opened the door and saw me? That was totally worth it.”
"Oh, it was great," Ash responded with a smirk as she took the flask from him. "She told me to, like, leave the trash outside next time I come or something." She let out an annoyed huff, shaking her head as she took a sip from the flask.
As Ash held the flask back out for him, Lucky spoke again. “Plus you’re not exactly the worst person to spend an evening with.” he said, and she let out a soft laugh.
"No way," she said sarcastically, "I totally thought you hated hanging out with me. That's why we're, like, always together." She joked and probably for the first time that night, she gave a genuine smile.
“Sarcasm? Look at you using what I taught you. Oh, I’m the reason we are always together?” He smirked.
Totally. It was totally his fault.
"See, we totally should've just skipped the dinner and just umm... like just hung out me," Ash reached a hand up to tap her chest, "and you." She finished and patted Lucky's chest for emphasis, letting her hand rest there for a moment before she took the flask back from him and took a long drink.
“And miss out on all this fun?” He said sarcastically. “I mean…I’m having the best time.” He chuckled as he stole the flask back, and then his hand slid down the back of the couch, and landed on hers. Her heart gave a solid pound in response. “At least we get to suffer together.” He said with a small smile.
She laughed. "Oh yeah, totally," she responded and absently, her thumb brushed over his hand. "Like if I had to suffer through this with anyone, I'm so glad it was you."
“Stop. You’ll make me blush.” He joked as he slowly laced their fingers together.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Ash glanced down at their hands for a moment before she looked back at his face, biting into her bottom lip. "But we should do something fun next time instead of, like, this." She said.
“Next time?” He smirked. “So you do like hanging with me. This isn’t so bad, but I’m open to suggestions.”
"Well," she said slowly. "I was thinking like... definitely no parents, probably less people." She started with a faint smile.
“Definitely no parents.” He smirked as his thumb caressed her hand, and her heart pounded in her throat.
"I mean, we always end up just, like... this. Just me and you, anyway. Why not just skip, like, the party and go to the best part of the night?" She asked and leaned forward, closing the distance between them a bit with a little smirk on her face, her gaze still glued to his.
"Just me, and you..." and then she reached past him and, with her free hand, she snatched the flask from his hand and sat back, putting distance between them once more as she wiggled the nearly empty flask. "And vodka." She said, taking a sip from the flask.
“Thief.” He teased, and she smiled. “Guess I gotta keep a better eye on you.” He reached over and took her other hand and tugged her closer to him, and her heart started beating even faster. “Best part of the night, huh?” He looked down at her. “So, you’re just here for the vodka then?” He smirked, and she watched as his eyes dropped to her lips for a moment before meeting her gaze again. “No other reason, right?”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
"Right," she said, swallowing hard, and she bit into her lip again for a moment. "Totally just for the vodka," she echoed as she pressed the flask into his hand and pulled her hand away, just to then lay it against his chest because, like, there wasn't really anywhere else to put her hand. Duh.
“Totally, huh?” he said, and even though his tone didn't inflect it, it felt sarcastic.
Her finger absently tapped against his chest. "I mean, I guess you're kind of fun to hangout with, too."
“Kind of fun? I’ll take it.” He said softly as he leaned in slightly, and Ash's heart pounded faster.
No, no, no.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
She didn't lean away.
"Like, obviously," she said, leaning towards him until they were way, way too close. "That's why we're friends."
He leaned in further, and she was prepared to pull away, even if the world kind of felt like it was spinning, but he just laid his forehead against hers. Her heart was practically pulsing in her throat, and all the vodka that she'd consumed was churning in her stomach. Her eyes searched his because there wasn't really anywhere else to look.
“Totally.” He said, and the word still sounded wrong coming from him, but he let out a soft laugh and leaned back, and Ash's heart stopped pounding in her throat, although she still found herself frozen in place.
She blinked at him. Ash felt like she should have something to say, but there were no words that were coming to her. Her lips felt dry, her mouth even dryer, and she lifted one hand up to fidget with the little star pendant on her necklace.
“We should head back inside before they send a search party.” He gave her a smile, and she offered him a wavering smile back. “They probably think I’m looting the place.” As he stood up, he unlaced their fingers, and Ash pressed her hand against her leg to kind of like... wipe off the feeling of his hand in hers -- except then, he held his hand out for her.
She sucked in a deep breath, forcing a smile to her face, and then took his hand to help her up to her feet. "Or that we're making out," she said with a heavy sigh, which was like the honest truth, but it was kind of blurted out before she could think on it too much and like... probably what a bad idea it was to say that right now. So she let out a soft laugh to try and dispel any kind of awkward tension that still might be lingering around, and she let go of Lucky's hand, pressing it back to her side again.
"Come on," she said with a tilt of her head and another breathy sigh as she led the way back into the Harlows' mansion.
Of course, as they headed back in and took their places at the table, Ash kind of felt like she was burning as she sat there, gaze focused back on her plate, poking aimlessly at the food on her plate. Until, again, she was called from the table for a moment -- but this time, by her mother.
That went about as well as one might expect. Her mother quietly lectured her on bringing Lucky, then asked "are you drunk?" to which Ash obviously replied like "pfft no," which earned a simple smack from her mother followed by another lecture about not lying to her, and blah, blah, blah.
Ash tried to tune her mother out during this -- it wasn't anything she hadn't heard uttered from her mom's lips before. Disappointment. Embarrassment. Shape up. Why was Ash doing this to her? Didn't she care? She'd put so much time into taking care of Ash, just for her to turn around and do this.
It was static following on deaf ears, until finally her mother gave up and dragged them back into the dinner, which continued going about as horribly as it had been.
When the end of the evening finally came a wrong, a kind of awkward conversation with Maggie and Trevor ended with Maggie going home with Lucky, and Ash heading home with Trevor (after a little convincing). And in the car, she had wanted to ask him why he would show up with Maggie, because even if Maggie had said that she hadn't been completely honest with Trevor or whatever about the night, that hadn't made it sting any less.
But instead of asking him, instead of starting something, she just swallowed the hurt and decided to leave the conversation untouched. Instead, she just let him take her home.
Friday night had actually ended up being, like, a simple enough night for Ash. After school she'd umm... well, she'd hung out with Lucky a little bit, which she'd done... a few times that week. Just to work on music or whatever, umm... obviously. Like nothing happened that was really worth noting, but it was just... she enjoyed spending time with him. Platonically. As friends, and nothing more.
Yeah, the guilt of it going too far too many times was still chewing away at her gut. She knew that she probably needed to just, like, cut him off or something for the sake of her own relationship, but Ash had never been good at ending things -- especially friendships. She tended to cling to them, even as they were crumbling in her hands, desperately holding on in hopes that she'd somehow be able to salvage it.
Typically she made it worse rather than salvage anything, but the sentiment remained.
Anyway, after hanging out with Lucky for a while, Ash had ended up having a sleepover with Maddie and JJ which had been fun. Like, it had been forever since she'd had any kind of sleepover -- mostly because she now lived with Eli, Cap, and Gen, so who else was she really going to spend the night with? But it had been... pleasant. Nice. Relaxing.
Oh, and umm... some time during the night, when JJ hadn't been in the room, Ash had come clean to Maddie. About the whole like... dating Trevor thing, and she knew that she should keep her mouth shut, and Ash knew that she shouldn't be telling people, because Trevor had flipped out when she'd just told Eli. And now she was adding Cappie and Maddie to that count, but she just... she couldn't help herself.
She wanted to be able to gush about her boyfriend to people, so she'd gushed for a moment to Maddie, showing off the little necklace that Trevor had gotten her and that she hadn't taken off once since she'd first gotten it. And while gushing for those few split seconds, Ash had felt all those like, warm, fuzzy feelings in the pit of her stomach, and she had smiled so wide that her cheeks kind of started to hurt, and it had been nice.
And then JJ had come back out, and she'd had to go back to pretending to be super lonely and sad or whatever -- because obviously she wasn't telling JJ. Not only would JJ probably tell Nickie who would leak it to everyone, but Ash knew that she'd have a lot of eww he's so gross comments that she didn't want to deal with.
Maddie she could at least gush with without those comments.
Anyway, the following morning, they'd gotten ready and headed to the mall to go shopping -- and that's where they now were. Walking through the mall, chatting away about something on their way up to the dress shop. She was pretty sure JJ was probably complaining about someone in the mall, but she wasn't really listening.
Because like, just ahead of them was the dress shop, and Ash's eyes lit up when she caught sight of Newt waiting just outside the dress store like she'd asked him to. Like, obviously, part of her hadn't thought that he'd show.
Well, sure, she knew that he would, but like...
It still just always came as kind of a surprise, alright? When people actually followed through and showed up for things or whatever. She kind of just always expected people to not show up and come up with some dumb excuse, so it was always a pleasant surprise when they didn't do so.
"Yeah, yeah, that's ummm... that's cool, JJ," she said absently to her friend's rambling that she wasn't really listening to. She tore her eyes away from Newt to look back at JJ and Maddie, her teeth biting into her bottom lip a bit nervously. "I'm going to umm... I'll catch you guys inside, okay?" And with a little wave of her hand, Ash stepped away from JJ and Maddie and started walking towards Newt.
As she drew closer to Newt, Ash's steps started to pick up in speed and the smile on her face widened.
"Newt, hey," she called when she drew closer and once he'd turned to look in her direction, she threw herself at him and pulled him into a tight hug with a soft laugh. Like sure, it hadn't been super long since they'd hung out or anything, but she was still always like... super excited to see the drummer.
"I haven't seen you since, like..." she hesitated, trailing off, while she still hugged him. "I dunno, I guess the foam party. You totally were the life of the party, though. Like, I wouldn't have wanted to go with like... anyone else. You and Cap? Perfect party partners. Like, easily best party of the whole year."
Ash was rambling. She knew that she was rambling. She needed to stop rambling, so she let go of Newt, taking a small step away from him, although there was a little red tint to her cheeks from like... just being embarrassed from the rambling. Obviously. Duh.
And then, Ash noticed who was with him, and her smile faltered for a moment and grew a little more hesitant in nature when she saw Kayla standing beside him. Like sure, they had been really good friends before, but... it was like... now, they hardly ever talked. It wasn't hard for Ash to tell that Kayla almost felt like...
Cold? Distant?
Something like that towards her, and she couldn't figure out why. Like she'd spent forever trying to figure out what had went wrong that had caused there to now be some kind of rift between her and Kayla, but for the life of her, Ash couldn't figure it out whatsoever. She was freaking lost, and she hated being lost.
"Hey, Kayla," she said with a soft smile. Ash, mostly subconsciously, found one of her hands absently holding onto Newt's arm, her finger tapping against him while her teeth chewed at her bottom lip. "I didn't like umm... I didn't know you were, like... I didn't know you were umm... coming..."
And then Ash realized how that might sound, and she quickly tried to fix it.
"Not that like... not that I don't want you here. Like I'm really excited to see you here. It's umm... it'll be really fun," she said, offering Kayla a warm smile, and then it occurred to her that she'd never actually told Newt what they were doing. Woops.
"Oh, we're umm..." she smiled back up at Newt, "we're going, uhh... dress shopping, actually. Like for the Winter Ball, you know? I don't have a date, so I don't... really... know why I'm going or, like, bothering to buy a new dress for it, but..." she gave a shrug of her shoulders and a soft laugh.
Well technically she didn't have a date, because Trevor had just asked her to save a dance. Not the whole dance, but she supposed that he didn't need to ask her. Like, they were dating, so that kind of already meant they were going together no matter what... right? Right.
"Like, obviously I have JJ and Maddie, but they're umm... I mean they're fun to dress shop with or whatever, but JJ can be kind of mean. And I couldn't invite Gen because like, JJ kind of hates her, and Eli can't really call me hot because it would be kind of gross if he did, so..." she smiled at him. "Will you, like, help me? I'll buy you ice cream or--"
Ash cut herself off when she saw someone else walking towards them, her eyebrows drawing together in mild confusion for a moment as a very, very faint memory kind of appeared at the site of Mikaela's face.
Too many shots. Foam everywhere. A "omg we should go dress shopping" uttered from her lips.
Huh.
"Oh..." she murmured, "I think I umm... well, I kind of like... I invited Mikaela... too..." Ash said, letting out a soft laugh because oh fuck, not only had she not told Newt what they were doing, but she had invited the girl he was pining over. And she hadn't given him any kind of warning.
Once the initial shock had worn off (and before Mikaela made it all the way over to them), Ash turned Newt to face her and so that his back was to Mikaela and started to fuss with his shirt. She pulled at the sleeves of his flannel, and reached forward to smooth down the front of his band shirt.
"Def Leppard? Really?" She asked. "Like I like them, but they're so... like... you know. Whatever, it's fine." She fussed as she rose up on the balls of her feet to fix the collar of his shirt so that it was all laying perfectly smooth, and then she settled back on the flat of her feet, her lips pursed together as she studied Newt's appearance for a moment, her hands holding onto the ends of his flannel.
She reached forward with her foot to poke at his shoes. "These don't even match your flannel," she grumbled but sighed, shaking her head as she looked back up at Newt with a smile. "You look..." she cut herself off and reached up, taking part of the flannel to tug Newt closer down to her level, and she ran her free hand over his hair to smooth it down before she let him go and, now satisfied with how Newt look, she quickly let go of him and stepped back, placing her hands behind her. "You look really hot. Be cool." She said.
And then Ash smiled in Mikaela's direction, waving as she approached. "Hey," she said cheerfully, "I totally didn't think you'd show, but it'll be so nice to have you. I umm... forgot to mention that I invited Newt," Ash explained, and then again remembered that Kayla was there, and quickly added; "oh, and he brought Kayla."
Yeah, this was going to go great.
She... well, Ash actually felt content and comfortable by the end of it. Like her hand belonged in Trevor's for once, like there wasn't any kind of hidden tenseness. You know, that dark dread that lingered at the edges of her interactions with Trevor since Halloween, where she still had this little feeling in the pit of her stomach that made her feel like she was walking on ice and that any wrong step would make him snap at her like that again.
Consciously, she didn't realize that she was still harboring this fear. Consciously, she thought it was just... well, she thought it was just nerves or something. Yeah.
And hey, as they came out of the last tunnel, Ash actually felt a little sad. Because that would mean having to leave this aquarium, and that would mean just... like... well, like, she liked how this felt, and she didn't want the odd tension that usually hovered over their relationship to return.
“Hey…,” he began, and she looked up at him curiously. “Can we…get away?”
"Huh?" She asked, eyebrows drawing together for a moment in confusion.
“Ah, I mean — I mean to a bench, a bench, ah…”
Wh--
But she let him lead her over to the bench, a curious expression on her face as he let go of her hand and took a seat on the bench. Curious, she sat down on the bench beside him, clasping her hands together and resting them in her lap as she looked over at Trevor, waiting to see what this was about.
He started rambling, kind of tripping over his words, and Ash's eyebrows drew together in a confused expression. Her lips were still parted partially into a smile, but she was kind of getting that feeling in the pit of her stomach again. Like... like... she just felt sick, and her heart felt like it might beat out of her chest.
“I’m just…I don’t know. Ash…” He shook his head slightly. “I — I…ah…I guess I’m just… I’m…I’m — I’m sorry.”
Huh?
He looked towards Ash, and she blinked at him in response. Her smile dropped from her face, her eyebrows drawing together further, lips turning down into a confused frown. Why was he apologizing? He hadn't... he hadn't done anything that warranted an apology, and now she was racking her brain, trying to figure it out.
“I am.” He gave a nod. “I’m sorry.”
Him repeating it just made her more confused, and she crossed her arms over her stomach, applying pressure to try and stop the tossing and turning of confusion in her stomach. Her instant reaction was that he was apologizing because he, like, cheated, but could she even get mad at him for that?
Fuck, she wouldn't get mad at him for that.
And no, it wasn't just because of the guilt of what happened earlier with Lucky.
The more he talked, though, the more that she felt like her world was kind of caving in. Her breaths were coming in shorter, sharper gasps, her chest was aching and burning, and she tightened and tightened and tightened the grip around her stomach as if that would somehow make the feeling disappear.
He said he was bad news.
He said he pretended like she didn't exist a lot of the time.
He said he lied a lot.
Oh god, her chest was going to squeeze so hard it was going to crack.
It was all winding up to be some kind of great admittance to cheating, right? Like she'd seen this before, she'd heard this before, she'd heard all of these words before. It was going to be like... cheating or something... something like... "I'm sorry I lied to you, because actually I've been banging this other chick," and then it was going to be an awkward breakup, probably followed by the old "but we can still be friends."
Like, at least that's how she'd seen this kind of stuff go mostly in movies.
Her last breakup hadn't exactly gone swimmingly, although if Trevor was revving up for the same admittances that she'd heard from Nico (although again, he'd never actually admitted to cheating), she knew exactly how this was going to go. They'd probably blow up. They'd break up. She'd have to find a different ride home.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Lock-in night, sitting there with you…it made me really realize that I didn’t know you. Tha thing is, Ash…we’re basically strangers. You know a lot about me, probably, since I never fecking shut up…but I don’t know about you. I don’t know your favorite color, I don’t know, like — like, what you like, I don’t know the…well, hell, I don’t even think I know your birthday. I know what kind of alcohol you like, and that’s about it. And…that’s not how I want it to be. I want to know you — really know you. I don’t want you to just be my girlfriend because…because you just are, ya know. I’m…I say I’m bad at relationships, of all kinds, but…it’s…it’s just because I don’t want to try to be good. Or — or didn’t. Or I just…I don’t know, I’m so pessimistic that I was counting the days internally, waiting for this to fall apart, because…I don’t fecking know. I just…didn’t want to try.”
Now she was just confused again. The path that she thought this was going down was starting to look less clear, and Ash's grip around her stomach loosened a bit. She tried to will her breaths to slow down, but the heavy beating of her chest didn't allow that just yet.
For a moment, there was quiet, and then Trevor started speaking again.
“I didn’t want to try.” He repeated.
She... thought he was doing okay.
He continued to speak, and her panic started to subside, and she started to relax a little bit, although she was still confused as to why he was talking like this. But she... liked it, like... she didn't like seeing him look like he was in pain discussing this, but she liked hearing what he said. That he liked being with her, that he liked it when they felt connected, because it kind of helped to make some of those fears go away. Like... that fear that he just wanted to sleep with her and was going to break up with her when he was done, or that fear that he'd cheated, or anything else.
“I care about you, Ash. I want to start showing it. I want to make sure you know it — and I want to…I want to see if we can really be more. I say we make this an attempt at love — or whatever…this is supposed to be, at least, and if we don’t make it…” He gave a small smile. “At least we tried, right?”
She let out a soft laugh, a warm smile crossing her face, and Ash gave a nod of her head. "Yeah, yeah, I'd ummm... yeah, I'd love that," she said again with another laugh.
And then he started stuttering again, but she kept a smile on her face as she watched him start fumbling for something, and then he pulled a long box from his pocket, and she looked curiously at the box as he removed the top, and she looked down into the box to see a silver necklace with a little star charm.
Carefully, she reached out and took the box from him, staring down at it for a moment as a smile cracked across her face. He'd said that he didn't listen, but umm... like, he had to remember that she liked stars, right? Like why else would he have gotten one with a little star?
“Girls like necklaces…?” he said, and she smiled up from the necklace to look at him. “I — I wanted to get you something special. I just — I…ah, I wasn’t sure if you’d like it, but… Yeah.”
"I love it," she said with a soft laugh, and she placed the box in her lap. While he continued to speak, Ash pulled the necklace from the box and clasped it carefully around her neck. She would've asked Trevor for help, but with how shaky and fidgety he was, she didn't want to like... stress him out more.
“Take it as my resolution. To, ah…officially…do….and be better. It’s…just…me saying that I hope we can…I don’t know, start all over, kind of. From square one. Trevor and Ash, dating. Trevor and Ash, the duo that works, even against all odds. Yeah.”
She looked down at the star charm now laying against her skin, pressing her fingers lightly against it for a moment before she looked back over at Trevor, her smile widening as she gave a nod of her head. "Yeah," she agreed, letting out a little giggle. "Yeah, umm... yeah, I'd love that."
And then he started his little ramblings again, and Ash watched him, waiting, as he fought to get through his sentence.
He wanted to ask her something, and she had a small inkling of what that might be.
She waited, heart pounding in anticipation.
“You, me. We’re…would you dance? No, I mean, what I mean…you…would you…”
Her cheeks heated up.
Go to the dance with you? Yes. Duh.
“…save a dance for me?”
She blinked at him, for a moment taking in the unconventional words, but then the warm smile on her face just returned and she gave a nod of her head followed by a small laugh. "Yeah, Trevor," she promised, "I'll save you, like... all the dances. Promise." She responded.
Well, they were dating, so it was kind of dumb to ask, anyway. Like dating meant that you were going to the dance together. No reason to ask.
"Thank you," Ash said and she leaned in, pressing a quick kiss against his lips, and then she wrapped her arms around him and for a while, she just sat there, hugging him, and enjoying the last bit of this moment. "Like... seriously," she said and pulled back a little bit to smile up at him, "this was like... probably the best date of my life."
And to prove that point, she gave him one last quick kiss.
-----------------------------
After her date with Trevor had ended, Ash reluctantly parted ways with him to attend the foam party. Like, she would've tried to drag him with, but not only was it at Lucky and Javi's apartment (so two people that Trevor absolutely despised), but also foam didn't really seem like his thing. Like, she was pretty sure that he'd probably hate it, so she'd taken to going alone. Or mostly alone, as in with Cappie and Newt.
And the foam party? It had been amazing. She'd done shots with Javi (duh), danced with Newt and Cappie, did shots with Mikaela, and at some point, she'd met some guy named Spencer and he'd been really sweet and fun to talk to, so she'd chalk the whole night up to a win.
But then there had been the whole part of the night where she'd headed off with Lucky to the bottle of vodka that he'd promised to save for her, which happened to be on the fire escape or whatever. So she'd slipped out onto the fire escape with Lucky to share the vodka, and like... it was hard to imagine that the Arts Festival had literally been the same day. It was hard to imagine that just earlier that day, she'd been pressed so close to him in the dressing room.
And now? She had no desire to get that close to him.
So as they'd drank the vodka, she'd kept her distance. She'd dropped the whole friends thing a few more times, just to really like... cement it.
They were friends. She was dating Trevor. That was it.
And he seemed to get the unspoken memo and eventually, they headed back inside. And Ash enjoyed the rest of her night until she finally drunkenly headed home with Cappie. The next morning, she woke up with a horrible headache, but there was still a smile on her face.
So yeah, the whole Arts Festival for Ash? All things considered, it had been freaking amazing.
Unfortunately later in the day, she had the whole Harlow family dinner thing alongside the Darringtons and her own family. As she'd promised Lucky before, she headed over to his apartment early to help him pick something out because if she was bringing someone that they weren't going to approve of, well... Ash was going to make sure that he at least looked decent. And he did look decent enough with a little help from her.
And nothing happened. There were no lingering touches, there was nothing that was too close. It was kept platonic, it was kept business, and Ash was actually feeling better about their friendship. Like whatever had happened the day before had obviously just been the nerves. It had been a bit of a blip and it would never happen again. Obviously.
As Ash had pretty much expected when she'd first been told that they were going to attend dinner at the Harlows, it freaking sucked. Like, just everything about it sucked. She'd neglected to show up with her parents since she was obviously showing up with Lucky (and yeah, she hadn't warned her mom about that one ahead of time), so she knew that her mother was going to chew her out for that. And then she was in a dress that was uncomfortable and that she hated but that her mother had insisted was the only thing in her closet that was "appropriate."
So before Ash had even bothered to arrive at the front door, she was already on edge. At the very least, having someone there with her provided some level of comfort. Even if she would've much rather been there with her boyfriend -- especially since things were actually, like, going well with them. Like he'd apologized again, and for real this time, and he'd promised all of these things, and it just...
It felt different.
It was different. Like for what felt like the first time since they'd first started dating, and for a few days after lock-in, she actually really, really, really felt as if she liked Trevor. Like she had all of those butterflies when she thought about him, and it was just... yeah, she could feel it. It was different. They felt like a real couple now, even if they were still secret.
But instead, she was showing up with a different guy.
A different guy that everyone thought she was banging and that her actual boyfriend hated.
And that had ended up being a whole thing when she'd first walked through the door with him in tow. No one was excited to see the missing Harlow cousin, and Angie made a huge, huffy deal as she set up another place for him at the table -- you know, with Ash sandwiched between Lucky and Dorian. And then they'd kind of sat, awkwardly, waiting for the last member of the horrible family dinner to walk in... and finally she did. High as hell with -- freaking get this -- Ash's actual boyfriend in tow, which had just earned a shocked expression from Ash.
She hadn't let it stay on her face for long, of course, and she'd tried to focus on her plate and poking at the food that she didn't bother to taste to keep herself from getting too angry at him -- not that she had any reason to be angry at him, because it was fine, but she was just... confused. And sure, she'd directed a single question at him about how he'd said that he was busy.
Well, and save for a handful of glances across the table at Maggie as she tried to piece together why Trevor was alright being seen with her in public and going to an awkward family dinner with her but why he couldn't do the same with her. Like Ash got it. Maggie was... amazing.
But it still hurt.
But then there was Dorian, and the insults between the two of them kept getting tossed back and forth all night long, and it wasn't hard to tell that probably everyone was picking up on the hostility. And Ash knew that she should've stopped, but she couldn't and she hated everything about the night.
That was about the time that JJ loudly announced she was going to the bathroom and then, after a few coughs and repeats, Ash realized that she wanted her and Maddie to go with. So they did, and that had just been awkward. Like JJ had basically just told Ash to stop being a bitch to Dorian, as if he hadn't been tossing insults right back at her, but it wasn't like there was any arguing with JJ, so Ash had just nodded her head.
It had just been that instead of Ash taking a seat back at the dinner table along with everyone else when she'd returned from the bathroom talk or whatever with JJ and Maddie, Ash had tapped Lucky's shoulder and asked him to step outside with her. Like for fresh air or whatever, or at least that's what she hoped everyone else would think, but like... she knew it was for different reasons than that. And so did Lucky she hoped.
Those different reasons being, well, the alcohol he'd brought with. Obviously.
And of course he'd said yes, so they'd headed out to the back patio. Like Ash hadn't been over to the Harlow house a lot, but she had been over enough to at least know her way around. And after they'd stepped out onto the safety of the back patio and had closed the door, she wasted no time in holding her hand out.
"Please?" She asked, her eyebrows drawing together. "Umm... alcohol. Vodka, please?"
“We gotta stop meeting like this.” He joked as she took the flash from him, and she gave a brief smile.
She took a sip from the flask. The liquid burned going down, but it was a comfortable, familiar burning. And normally, she wouldn't be caught dead somewhere so close to where her parents were with alcohol in hand, but today... she didn't really care if she got caught.
"Thanks," she said as she took another drink from the flask before wandering towards one of the fancy patio couches that decorated the outside. With a sigh, she sank down into the couch.
Her gaze followed him as he walked over and took a seat beside her before he reached out for the flask. Ash glared over at him and took one last drink from the flask before she reluctantly handed it over. With nothing to occupy her hands, one arm crossed over her stomach while her other hand found the star necklace that Trevor had gifted her just the day before, and she absently started fiddling with it.
“I know why I’m having a shitty night, but you care to share?” He said, and Ash let out a soft exhale.
There wasn't really any reason for her to be upset, but...
"JJ was just all like... 'oh, stop being such a bitch to Dorian' or whatever in the bathroom." Ash said with a little dismissive shake of her head. "It's like, it's umm... it's whatever." She explained, obviously leaving out the whole part about Trevor.
“Well, Dorian isn’t exactly innocent either. You guys have been going back and forth all night.” Lucky responded, and Ash was glad that at least someone wasn't blaming her for everything wrong in the world.
She pressed her lips together, hesitating for a moment before she turned to look at Lucky. "I'm, like, sorry, for asking you to come. I'm umm... thanks, though." She said, her teeth biting into her bottom lip as she spoke.
“I’ve had worse nights.” He smiled weakly as she took the flask back. “I mean…not many…but this is definitely far from the worst. So, no apologies necessary or thanks. I wouldn’t have come if I didn’t want to be here.”
Yeah that's the part she didn't really get and the part that was kind of causing herself to ask questions. Like why would he want to be here? And with the flask safely back in her hands, Ash's fidgeting ceased.
"Like, it's... nice...," she started again, her words faltering a bit as she spoke. "I guess to be able to show up with someone that isn't, like... I guess just embarrassed or scared or whatever to be seen with me."
He sighed as he reached his arm across the back of the couch. “We’ve really gotta work on that confidence, Blair, cause I can’t think of anyone that would be embarrassed to be seen with you.”
Ash let out a small laugh and looked towards him, half-expecting him to be like laughing or something, but instead she was met with a reassuring smile. She returned the smile, holding Lucky's gaze for a moment before her smile inevitably fell and her gaze drifted back to the flask in her hands. Her finger tapped against the metal outside.
She took another long drink from the flask, and this time her eyebrows drew together and her nose wrinkled up as she swallowed it. Yeah, the whole drinking straight vodka on an empty stomach thing was kind of catching up to her.
"Dorian was," she mumbled in response to Lucky's last comment. And Trevor is, she added to herself. Like... she'd thought it was just a fear altogether of coming to this stupid dinner or whatever, but if he could show up with Maggie, then clearly the issue laid with Ash herself.
“I’m thinking that had less to do with you and more to do with the parental units.” Lucky responded, but Ash didn't really listen.
Her gaze softened, her fingers tapping against the metal of the flask. "Nico was the only one who wasn't." She mumbled.
And everyone hated him, so maybe he should've.
“From what I hear, he was a grade A douche and you’re much better off. And I don’t think two bad relationships equate with you being social suicide…that’s my job remember?” He said, and she let out a sigh in response.
Ash kind of wanted to argue against what he was saying, but she really didn't care enough right now to bother.
She shifted in the seat so that she was kind of facing Lucky, and she studied his face for a moment, her tongue pressing against the inside of her teeth before she finally held out the flask and asked the question that was pretty much burning at her mind.
"So why'd you want to be here?" Ash asked. "Just to see your dumb aunt? Like, I gotta say there were probably a lot better ways to do it than, ummm... well, than like this."
“That…Ms. Johannes…is the understatement of the year.” He smirked as he held the flask out for her. “And no. Not just to see my dumb aunt. But did you see her face when she opened the door and saw me? That was totally worth it.”
"Oh, it was great," Ash responded with a smirk as she took the flask from him. "She told me to, like, leave the trash outside next time I come or something." She let out an annoyed huff, shaking her head as she took a sip from the flask.
As Ash held the flask back out for him, Lucky spoke again. “Plus you’re not exactly the worst person to spend an evening with.” he said, and she let out a soft laugh.
"No way," she said sarcastically, "I totally thought you hated hanging out with me. That's why we're, like, always together." She joked and probably for the first time that night, she gave a genuine smile.
“Sarcasm? Look at you using what I taught you. Oh, I’m the reason we are always together?” He smirked.
Totally. It was totally his fault.
"See, we totally should've just skipped the dinner and just umm... like just hung out me," Ash reached a hand up to tap her chest, "and you." She finished and patted Lucky's chest for emphasis, letting her hand rest there for a moment before she took the flask back from him and took a long drink.
“And miss out on all this fun?” He said sarcastically. “I mean…I’m having the best time.” He chuckled as he stole the flask back, and then his hand slid down the back of the couch, and landed on hers. Her heart gave a solid pound in response. “At least we get to suffer together.” He said with a small smile.
She laughed. "Oh yeah, totally," she responded and absently, her thumb brushed over his hand. "Like if I had to suffer through this with anyone, I'm so glad it was you."
“Stop. You’ll make me blush.” He joked as he slowly laced their fingers together.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Ash glanced down at their hands for a moment before she looked back at his face, biting into her bottom lip. "But we should do something fun next time instead of, like, this." She said.
“Next time?” He smirked. “So you do like hanging with me. This isn’t so bad, but I’m open to suggestions.”
"Well," she said slowly. "I was thinking like... definitely no parents, probably less people." She started with a faint smile.
“Definitely no parents.” He smirked as his thumb caressed her hand, and her heart pounded in her throat.
"I mean, we always end up just, like... this. Just me and you, anyway. Why not just skip, like, the party and go to the best part of the night?" She asked and leaned forward, closing the distance between them a bit with a little smirk on her face, her gaze still glued to his.
"Just me, and you..." and then she reached past him and, with her free hand, she snatched the flask from his hand and sat back, putting distance between them once more as she wiggled the nearly empty flask. "And vodka." She said, taking a sip from the flask.
“Thief.” He teased, and she smiled. “Guess I gotta keep a better eye on you.” He reached over and took her other hand and tugged her closer to him, and her heart started beating even faster. “Best part of the night, huh?” He looked down at her. “So, you’re just here for the vodka then?” He smirked, and she watched as his eyes dropped to her lips for a moment before meeting her gaze again. “No other reason, right?”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
"Right," she said, swallowing hard, and she bit into her lip again for a moment. "Totally just for the vodka," she echoed as she pressed the flask into his hand and pulled her hand away, just to then lay it against his chest because, like, there wasn't really anywhere else to put her hand. Duh.
“Totally, huh?” he said, and even though his tone didn't inflect it, it felt sarcastic.
Her finger absently tapped against his chest. "I mean, I guess you're kind of fun to hangout with, too."
“Kind of fun? I’ll take it.” He said softly as he leaned in slightly, and Ash's heart pounded faster.
No, no, no.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
She didn't lean away.
"Like, obviously," she said, leaning towards him until they were way, way too close. "That's why we're friends."
He leaned in further, and she was prepared to pull away, even if the world kind of felt like it was spinning, but he just laid his forehead against hers. Her heart was practically pulsing in her throat, and all the vodka that she'd consumed was churning in her stomach. Her eyes searched his because there wasn't really anywhere else to look.
“Totally.” He said, and the word still sounded wrong coming from him, but he let out a soft laugh and leaned back, and Ash's heart stopped pounding in her throat, although she still found herself frozen in place.
She blinked at him. Ash felt like she should have something to say, but there were no words that were coming to her. Her lips felt dry, her mouth even dryer, and she lifted one hand up to fidget with the little star pendant on her necklace.
“We should head back inside before they send a search party.” He gave her a smile, and she offered him a wavering smile back. “They probably think I’m looting the place.” As he stood up, he unlaced their fingers, and Ash pressed her hand against her leg to kind of like... wipe off the feeling of his hand in hers -- except then, he held his hand out for her.
She sucked in a deep breath, forcing a smile to her face, and then took his hand to help her up to her feet. "Or that we're making out," she said with a heavy sigh, which was like the honest truth, but it was kind of blurted out before she could think on it too much and like... probably what a bad idea it was to say that right now. So she let out a soft laugh to try and dispel any kind of awkward tension that still might be lingering around, and she let go of Lucky's hand, pressing it back to her side again.
"Come on," she said with a tilt of her head and another breathy sigh as she led the way back into the Harlows' mansion.
Of course, as they headed back in and took their places at the table, Ash kind of felt like she was burning as she sat there, gaze focused back on her plate, poking aimlessly at the food on her plate. Until, again, she was called from the table for a moment -- but this time, by her mother.
That went about as well as one might expect. Her mother quietly lectured her on bringing Lucky, then asked "are you drunk?" to which Ash obviously replied like "pfft no," which earned a simple smack from her mother followed by another lecture about not lying to her, and blah, blah, blah.
Ash tried to tune her mother out during this -- it wasn't anything she hadn't heard uttered from her mom's lips before. Disappointment. Embarrassment. Shape up. Why was Ash doing this to her? Didn't she care? She'd put so much time into taking care of Ash, just for her to turn around and do this.
It was static following on deaf ears, until finally her mother gave up and dragged them back into the dinner, which continued going about as horribly as it had been.
When the end of the evening finally came a wrong, a kind of awkward conversation with Maggie and Trevor ended with Maggie going home with Lucky, and Ash heading home with Trevor (after a little convincing). And in the car, she had wanted to ask him why he would show up with Maggie, because even if Maggie had said that she hadn't been completely honest with Trevor or whatever about the night, that hadn't made it sting any less.
But instead of asking him, instead of starting something, she just swallowed the hurt and decided to leave the conversation untouched. Instead, she just let him take her home.
-------------------------
Friday night had actually ended up being, like, a simple enough night for Ash. After school she'd umm... well, she'd hung out with Lucky a little bit, which she'd done... a few times that week. Just to work on music or whatever, umm... obviously. Like nothing happened that was really worth noting, but it was just... she enjoyed spending time with him. Platonically. As friends, and nothing more.
Yeah, the guilt of it going too far too many times was still chewing away at her gut. She knew that she probably needed to just, like, cut him off or something for the sake of her own relationship, but Ash had never been good at ending things -- especially friendships. She tended to cling to them, even as they were crumbling in her hands, desperately holding on in hopes that she'd somehow be able to salvage it.
Typically she made it worse rather than salvage anything, but the sentiment remained.
Anyway, after hanging out with Lucky for a while, Ash had ended up having a sleepover with Maddie and JJ which had been fun. Like, it had been forever since she'd had any kind of sleepover -- mostly because she now lived with Eli, Cap, and Gen, so who else was she really going to spend the night with? But it had been... pleasant. Nice. Relaxing.
Oh, and umm... some time during the night, when JJ hadn't been in the room, Ash had come clean to Maddie. About the whole like... dating Trevor thing, and she knew that she should keep her mouth shut, and Ash knew that she shouldn't be telling people, because Trevor had flipped out when she'd just told Eli. And now she was adding Cappie and Maddie to that count, but she just... she couldn't help herself.
She wanted to be able to gush about her boyfriend to people, so she'd gushed for a moment to Maddie, showing off the little necklace that Trevor had gotten her and that she hadn't taken off once since she'd first gotten it. And while gushing for those few split seconds, Ash had felt all those like, warm, fuzzy feelings in the pit of her stomach, and she had smiled so wide that her cheeks kind of started to hurt, and it had been nice.
And then JJ had come back out, and she'd had to go back to pretending to be super lonely and sad or whatever -- because obviously she wasn't telling JJ. Not only would JJ probably tell Nickie who would leak it to everyone, but Ash knew that she'd have a lot of eww he's so gross comments that she didn't want to deal with.
Maddie she could at least gush with without those comments.
Anyway, the following morning, they'd gotten ready and headed to the mall to go shopping -- and that's where they now were. Walking through the mall, chatting away about something on their way up to the dress shop. She was pretty sure JJ was probably complaining about someone in the mall, but she wasn't really listening.
Because like, just ahead of them was the dress shop, and Ash's eyes lit up when she caught sight of Newt waiting just outside the dress store like she'd asked him to. Like, obviously, part of her hadn't thought that he'd show.
Well, sure, she knew that he would, but like...
It still just always came as kind of a surprise, alright? When people actually followed through and showed up for things or whatever. She kind of just always expected people to not show up and come up with some dumb excuse, so it was always a pleasant surprise when they didn't do so.
"Yeah, yeah, that's ummm... that's cool, JJ," she said absently to her friend's rambling that she wasn't really listening to. She tore her eyes away from Newt to look back at JJ and Maddie, her teeth biting into her bottom lip a bit nervously. "I'm going to umm... I'll catch you guys inside, okay?" And with a little wave of her hand, Ash stepped away from JJ and Maddie and started walking towards Newt.
As she drew closer to Newt, Ash's steps started to pick up in speed and the smile on her face widened.
"Newt, hey," she called when she drew closer and once he'd turned to look in her direction, she threw herself at him and pulled him into a tight hug with a soft laugh. Like sure, it hadn't been super long since they'd hung out or anything, but she was still always like... super excited to see the drummer.
"I haven't seen you since, like..." she hesitated, trailing off, while she still hugged him. "I dunno, I guess the foam party. You totally were the life of the party, though. Like, I wouldn't have wanted to go with like... anyone else. You and Cap? Perfect party partners. Like, easily best party of the whole year."
Ash was rambling. She knew that she was rambling. She needed to stop rambling, so she let go of Newt, taking a small step away from him, although there was a little red tint to her cheeks from like... just being embarrassed from the rambling. Obviously. Duh.
And then, Ash noticed who was with him, and her smile faltered for a moment and grew a little more hesitant in nature when she saw Kayla standing beside him. Like sure, they had been really good friends before, but... it was like... now, they hardly ever talked. It wasn't hard for Ash to tell that Kayla almost felt like...
Cold? Distant?
Something like that towards her, and she couldn't figure out why. Like she'd spent forever trying to figure out what had went wrong that had caused there to now be some kind of rift between her and Kayla, but for the life of her, Ash couldn't figure it out whatsoever. She was freaking lost, and she hated being lost.
"Hey, Kayla," she said with a soft smile. Ash, mostly subconsciously, found one of her hands absently holding onto Newt's arm, her finger tapping against him while her teeth chewed at her bottom lip. "I didn't like umm... I didn't know you were, like... I didn't know you were umm... coming..."
And then Ash realized how that might sound, and she quickly tried to fix it.
"Not that like... not that I don't want you here. Like I'm really excited to see you here. It's umm... it'll be really fun," she said, offering Kayla a warm smile, and then it occurred to her that she'd never actually told Newt what they were doing. Woops.
"Oh, we're umm..." she smiled back up at Newt, "we're going, uhh... dress shopping, actually. Like for the Winter Ball, you know? I don't have a date, so I don't... really... know why I'm going or, like, bothering to buy a new dress for it, but..." she gave a shrug of her shoulders and a soft laugh.
Well technically she didn't have a date, because Trevor had just asked her to save a dance. Not the whole dance, but she supposed that he didn't need to ask her. Like, they were dating, so that kind of already meant they were going together no matter what... right? Right.
"Like, obviously I have JJ and Maddie, but they're umm... I mean they're fun to dress shop with or whatever, but JJ can be kind of mean. And I couldn't invite Gen because like, JJ kind of hates her, and Eli can't really call me hot because it would be kind of gross if he did, so..." she smiled at him. "Will you, like, help me? I'll buy you ice cream or--"
Ash cut herself off when she saw someone else walking towards them, her eyebrows drawing together in mild confusion for a moment as a very, very faint memory kind of appeared at the site of Mikaela's face.
Too many shots. Foam everywhere. A "omg we should go dress shopping" uttered from her lips.
Huh.
"Oh..." she murmured, "I think I umm... well, I kind of like... I invited Mikaela... too..." Ash said, letting out a soft laugh because oh fuck, not only had she not told Newt what they were doing, but she had invited the girl he was pining over. And she hadn't given him any kind of warning.
Once the initial shock had worn off (and before Mikaela made it all the way over to them), Ash turned Newt to face her and so that his back was to Mikaela and started to fuss with his shirt. She pulled at the sleeves of his flannel, and reached forward to smooth down the front of his band shirt.
"Def Leppard? Really?" She asked. "Like I like them, but they're so... like... you know. Whatever, it's fine." She fussed as she rose up on the balls of her feet to fix the collar of his shirt so that it was all laying perfectly smooth, and then she settled back on the flat of her feet, her lips pursed together as she studied Newt's appearance for a moment, her hands holding onto the ends of his flannel.
She reached forward with her foot to poke at his shoes. "These don't even match your flannel," she grumbled but sighed, shaking her head as she looked back up at Newt with a smile. "You look..." she cut herself off and reached up, taking part of the flannel to tug Newt closer down to her level, and she ran her free hand over his hair to smooth it down before she let him go and, now satisfied with how Newt look, she quickly let go of him and stepped back, placing her hands behind her. "You look really hot. Be cool." She said.
And then Ash smiled in Mikaela's direction, waving as she approached. "Hey," she said cheerfully, "I totally didn't think you'd show, but it'll be so nice to have you. I umm... forgot to mention that I invited Newt," Ash explained, and then again remembered that Kayla was there, and quickly added; "oh, and he brought Kayla."
Yeah, this was going to go great.
mood
ehhhhh
location
the mall
outfit
something cute that JJ definitely hates
ehhhhh
location
the mall
outfit
something cute that JJ definitely hates
playing...
Hate Me (Sometimes)
Hate Me (Sometimes)
by Stand Atlantic
mentions
Trevor, Lucky, Dorian, Maggie, Spencer, Cappie, Eli, Gen, Javi
interactions
JJ, Maddie, Newt, Kayla, Mikaela
tags
Soap
jasmyn
PenguinFox
AkuTheWolfOkami
Xed
Trevor, Lucky, Dorian, Maggie, Spencer, Cappie, Eli, Gen, Javi
interactions
JJ, Maddie, Newt, Kayla, Mikaela
tags
Soap
jasmyn
PenguinFox
AkuTheWolfOkami
Xed
