Experiences Have you ever ghosted?

[rae2nerdy]

I’m not sure other than semantics how that disputes what I said ? My point is people to assume their perspectives/opinions are universal. Functionally your saying the same thing just dressing it up in different words.

Well, the main difference would be that people don't expect the other person to have the same beliefs. Just by having beliefs I think I am right, but that doesn't mean I don't interact with you aknowledging the fact that you yourself have beliefs different from mine.

I’m not talking beliefs though. I think that is the confusion.

I am talking about a lived experience.

Example if I learn to roleplay on discord using *actions like this* and 1 liners. If this is my only experience with roleplaying than I’m going to assume everyone roleplays like this.

The same thing if my experience is people who want to role play romance are creepy men who want to sexually harass others than I will assume everyone who wants to do romance are creepy sexual harrassers.

Now those are just examples and not reflective of my actual views.

But they illustrate my point.

It’s not about beliefs but about the idea that I have observed things to work X way and thus that is the way everyone else observes them.

 

[Idea]

I’m not talking beliefs though. I think that is the confusion.

I am talking about a lived experience.

Example if I learn to roleplay on discord using *actions like this* and 1 liners. If this is my only experience with roleplaying than I’m going to assume everyone roleplays like this.

The same thing if my experience is people who want to role play romance are creepy men who want to sexually harass others than I will assume everyone who wants to do romance are creepy sexual harrassers.

Now those are just examples and not reflective of my actual views.

But they illustrate my point.

It’s not about beliefs but about the idea that I have observed things to work X way and thus that is the way everyone else observes them.

I know YOU aren't talking about beliefs. Again, i wasn't trying to specifically counter your point, I just wanted to adress the overall phrase, the overall use of that notion which I first quoted. You are not talking about beliefs. I am talking about beliefs.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I know YOU aren't talking about beliefs. Again, i wasn't trying to specifically counter your point, I just wanted to adress the overall phrase, the overall use of that notion which I first quoted. You are not talking about beliefs. I am talking about beliefs.

Than I'm not sure why you mentioned it? I mean my point is relevant to the topic at hand. OP is asking why people ghost. I am like well one of the things to remember when talking about this is that different people have different experiences. These experiences will inevitably influence their beliefs. Which I suppose I didn't clarify previously so if that was what you were trying to get at than thanks for asking me to clarify.

But yeah in my experience ( roleplaying primarily with shyer people in my early years and with adults now ) ghosting tends to come down to two main reasons.

1. Some kind of anxiety/insecurity around conflict.
2. IRL issue that is unavoidable.

This assumes we are meaning ghost as in someone stops responding period. Not just someone has stopped responding and is still available.

So like I know you said you weren't starting a fight. But unless this post has something to do with the wider point I'm not sure why you made it at all?

Like if your talking about something totally different than what I was talking about than I'm not sure why you quoted me in the first place?

Like if you disagree with me you could have just pmed me and been like hey I wanted to say I disagree with X for Y. I mean I don't care but if you felt the need to mention that I'm not going to stop you.

But it just seems kind of random to post in a thread about something totally unrelated and just post your opinion out of the blue for no reasons. Like if nothing else it's kind of derailing the topic. Even if it doesn't start a fight it's just sort of weird and confusing.

Like okay your opinion is X...why are you telling me that?

 

[rae2nerdy]

( also brief computer break is brief. my phone is dead so i'll prolly not reply further until my phone is charged )

 

[Idea]

Than I'm not sure why you mentioned it? I mean my point is relevant to the topic at hand. OP is asking why people ghost. I am like well one of the things to remember when talking about this is that different people have different experiences. These experiences will inevitably influence their beliefs. Which I suppose I didn't clarify previously so if that was what you were trying to get at than thanks for asking me to clarify.

So like I know you said you weren't starting a fight. But unless this post has something to do with the wider point I'm not sure why you made it at all?

I just felt the need to express my discontent and reasons against that particular thought.

but after reading that kind of comment again I needed to at least make this statement.

The reasons, quoted directly from my previous replies. I responded more on a "last drop on the bucket" measure, I seen the particular comment so often I ended having to say something.

Like if your talking about something totally different than what I was talking about than I'm not sure why you quoted me in the first place?

I quoted you because the only reason this comment I made existed or was posted in this thread was due to it coming in response to a particular statement you made, which in context may widely vary from how it is generally used, but what I was responding to and felt the need to comment about was that more general use of the statement.

 

[Aura Of Twilight]

I've ghosted too many times, most of the time because I get distracted way too easily and also have major anxiety. It's not necessarily because a certain rp's plot is bad. I also can't focus worth shit no matter what I do, and I'm lucky if I can get myself to stay in an rp more than a few weeks or a month. It's a vicious cycle.

Do I want to change? Yes. Do I feel bad about ghosting? Yes.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Than I'm not sure why you mentioned it? I mean my point is relevant to the topic at hand. OP is asking why people ghost. I am like well one of the things to remember when talking about this is that different people have different experiences. These experiences will inevitably influence their beliefs. Which I suppose I didn't clarify previously so if that was what you were trying to get at than thanks for asking me to clarify.

So like I know you said you weren't starting a fight. But unless this post has something to do with the wider point I'm not sure why you made it at all?

I just felt the need to express my discontent and reasons against that particular thought.

but after reading that kind of comment again I needed to at least make this statement.

The reasons, quoted directly from my previous replies. I responded more on a "last drop on the bucket" measure, I seen the particular comment so often I ended having to say something.

Like if your talking about something totally different than what I was talking about than I'm not sure why you quoted me in the first place?

I quoted you because the only reason this comment I made existed or was posted in this thread was due to it coming in response to a particular statement you made, which in context may widely vary from how it is generally used, but what I was responding to and felt the need to comment about was that more general use of the statement.

Yes but why post in the thread? Like if you just had to say something you could have PMd me

 

[Idea]

Yes but why post in the thread? Like if you just had to say something you could have PMd me

Because it wasn't specifically adress to you or just for you it was a comment I wanted to put out there and you just happened to be quoted because you happend to be the one to drop that last drop on the full glass.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Yes but why post in the thread? Like if you just had to say something you could have PMd me

Because it wasn't specifically adress to you or just for you it was a comment I wanted to put out there and you just happened to be quoted because you happend to be the one to drop that last drop on the full glass.

But like why not post it in a peeve thread if it’s a peeve or make a thread to vent about it. It just seems kind of weird to pop up in the middle of a thread to talk about some random thing.

Like if you see too strangers talking and you just randomly interrupt to go btw SoandSo said something that bothers me. Then you just walk away.

Like ???? Why interrupt a unrelated conversation to say that.

I mean if you want to vent there are many threads for that. Or make your own.

It just seems a little selfish to just randomly interrupt someone for no reason because you feel you have to say something.

If you have to say something post it in a place where it fits or don’t post it at all. I find writing sketching up in my private workshop helps if I am upset by something but I don’t want to start an argument.

I write a post in my private thread to get the impulsive out of my system. I walk away and if I still feel the need to address something specifically than I just make a thread about the topic.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Yes but why post in the thread? Like if you just had to say something you could have PMd me

Because it wasn't specifically adress to you or just for you it was a comment I wanted to put out there and you just happened to be quoted because you happend to be the one to drop that last drop on the full glass.

*writing something in my workshop

 

[rae2nerdy]

Yes but why post in the thread? Like if you just had to say something you could have PMd me

Because it wasn't specifically adress to you or just for you it was a comment I wanted to put out there and you just happened to be quoted because you happend to be the one to drop that last drop on the full glass.

I don’t know why it keeps quoting you btw sorry about that. I was trying to reference my above original post

 

[Idea]

But like why not post it in a peeve thread if it’s a peeve or make a thread to vent about it. It just seems kind of weird to pop up in the middle of a thread to talk about some random thing.

Like if you see too strangers talking and you just randomly interrupt to go btw SoandSo said something that bothers me. Then you just walk away.

Like ???? Why interrupt a unrelated conversation to say that.

I mean if you want to vent there are many threads for that. Or make your own.

It just seems a little selfish to just randomly interrupt someone for no reason because you feel you have to say something.

If you have to say something post it in a place where it fits or don’t post it at all. I find writing sketching up in my private workshop helps if I am upset by something but I don’t want to start an argument.

I write a post in my private thread to get the impulsive out of my system. I walk away and if I still feel the need to address something specifically than I just make a thread about the topic.

Because you, here, in this thread, brought it up. It was not originally part of the conversation, you ADDED that sentence to the conversation and while I didn't follow the full context of the wording, I did specifically adress something existing in the conversation.

There is a difference between me walking to someone having a private conversation and me adressing something made on a public discussion forum, about a conversation that was basically over and which I made a point of stating multiple times that was intended to start an argument but just to share something I felt the need to say about the phrase that it was quoted from.

Again, my comment only existed at all, because you added the phrase to the conversation. You didn't make it a topic, but any natural conversation adresses external topics from what was said within it. It wasn't even meant to be more than a passing comment, nor was it meant to adress you specifically, it was meant to make a statement prompted by what you said.

I don't see what's so hard to understand about that or how this devolved into something so low you'd have to start insulting me (such as by calling me "selfish").

In either case, as I stated I didn't want to start an argument. As such, I will try to keep to my word as much as I can still salvage it and not reply any further.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I've ghosted too many times, most of the time because I get distracted way too easily and also have major anxiety. It's not necessarily because a certain rp's plot is bad. I also can't focus worth shit no matter what I do, and I'm lucky if I can get myself to stay in an rp more than a few weeks or a month. It's a vicious cycle.

Do I want to change? Yes. Do I feel bad about ghosting? Yes.

Lol I am so much this. I am so flakey. Like I tell my partners all the time y’all I might need a reminder to post OR we might need to shift our plot at some point

 

[Mythee]

I reply fast when the other person replies fast. As their replies come slower, so do mine. Not because I lost inspiration for the RP. I still want to continue it till the end. It's just that I'm super busy all of the time, so I instinctively take someone elses slow reply as permission to take my time with my own so that I can get more work done in between each post. But sometimes, this inadvertently causes them to lose inspiration because it's hard for them to get back into it after it slows to a month or two between each of their replies.
I'm sure I must have ghosted many when I went on a Gaia Hiatus a long time ago. In the past few years though, my experience is that I get ghosted on, and my willingness to slow the pace could be at fault for that happening.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I reply fast when the other person replies fast. As their replies come slower, so do mine. Not because I lost inspiration for the RP. I still want to continue it till the end. It's just that I'm super busy all of the time, so I instinctively take someone elses slow reply as permission to take my time with my own so that I can get more work done in between each post. But sometimes, this inadvertently causes them to lose inspiration because it's hard for them to get back into it after it slows to a month or two between each of their replies.
I'm sure I must have ghosted many when I went on a Gaia Hiatus a long time ago. In the past few years though, my experience is that I get ghosted on, and my willingness to slow the pace could be at fault for that happening.

In fairness. Gaia can be a toxic hellscape of truly horrible people and it's sometimes better to just block and move on rather than get into some kind of harassment scenario.

I would say if you have a slower paced roleplay it is more a matter of lack of communication. I have been in posts where I only got a post once a month that have lasted for a decently long time. Every time without fail the thing that killed those roleplays wasn't the slow pace. It was when my partner got busy with IRL and either had to go on hiatus or was so drained by the their IRL stuff that they sort of lost interest in the storyline.

But I don't think anyone who is complaining about ghosting is really like OMG HOW DARE YOU HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF RPN.

So yeah for slower paced roleplays I think it's less a matter of ghosting. And more : poor time management or just writer's block brought on by people being tired because of poor time management.

 

[Chimney Swift]

I've ghosted before,,,

It's when I don't want to drop a roleplay, but don't have the inspiration to continue. There's no particular reason other than the excitement simply dies for me. During that time, I wait for other players to make posts (i usually join groups) that'll hopefully inspire me to write again. It's like I'm clinging onto the possibility that I'll regain motivation. I'm more likely to this with rps I care about or players I don't want to hurt. It's the guilt that makes me ghost. In rps don't care about, or players I don't care about, I'll simply say I'm dropping and leave it at that.

Ghosting is easier because you don't have come up with a reason for leaving. I mean, for people who have good reasons, it's easy. However, for reasons like 'the plot is more boring than I thought it'd be' and 'her writing style throws me off' there's no nice way of putting it without causing conflict. Especially if other players don't seem to have any sort of problems with it.

The question stems down to, why aren't people honest?

Of course, there's always a possibility that they are in so many rps that they simply forgot about ur rp. Players in more than one rp tend to have favorites they prioritize though they might not admit it. I mean, saying 'i like this rp more than I like your rp' is sorta hurtful no matter how accepting and thickskinned the gm is. If you really want to hear what the ghoster has to say, then pester them. Pester them enough to make them say what's really on their mind.

This is precisely the reason who I sometimes ghost out of RPs.

Oftentimes the plot tends to stall, and people's posts become repetitive and uninspiring. My characters, regardless of how assertive they are, get stuck standing in the corner of a room, glancing back and forth at people and sighing lamely as everyone else flounders for attention, refusing to let go of their little moment in the limelight long enough to let us move on. I get tired of it, and it never goes anywhere. RPs that promised to be driven and plot-heavy become about as gripping as a wet paper towel. It’s almost inevitable, it seems.

 

[Tolkien-fics]

I’m a bit late to this lol, I’ve been ghosted before. Normally it happens when it looks like the roleplay is going well. I tend not to get my hopes up about it now.

I do think the one doing the ghosting should just send a little message letting the other know that they won’t reply or be online for so many days. It puts minds at rest. It takes less than five minutes to do so, and you don’t need to fully explain the reason.

It’s much better than not saying anything, coming back online, and feeling bad. You can apologise and try to pick the roleplay back up, but then it’s up to your partner if they want to continue.

I mean, you can do what you want, but don’t expect your partner to accept it. It was up to you to ghost, and it’s up to them to move on or pick up the roleplay.

 

[Lukrecia]

I have, though not due to people themselves. I have phases where I'm too busy to even eat at times and never turn on my computer or visit the site. When I return, like, months later, I don't really think people need me to say something, damage is already done.

I mean, people have done that to me and even if they returned months later, I wouldn't feel any better about it, so... I just don't, I guess

 

[Jean Otus]

I once ghosted so hard I created a new account just to hide my shame.

 

[PhoenixMire]

Man. A few years ago, my close friend was always wanting to start new RPs with me, but she was awful at RPing. She'd been RPing for years, too, and multiple people had given her advice on how to improve, but she refused... so she had no excuse. I kept telling her that I didn't wanna RP with her unless she could stop god-modding, creating Mary Sue characters, solving conflicts within literally a single post or two, and just generally being frustrating to write with. I was really nice about it and everything. But she paid me no attention and kept going on being annoying. I told her again that I didn't really wanna RP with her anymore, but she begged me to keep on going in spite of the fact that I really didn't want to at all, so I just... ghosted lol
I haven't seen her in years

 

[marshmarrow]

I have ghosted big time but I find myself unable to feel guilty about it. It's rude and I hate having it happen to me, but in the end we're mostly all strangers and I don't think we should take it personally if we are.

I try to let people know that I am dropping an RP, but I rarely give a reason why outside of being busy or no longer interested. I shouldn't have to explain my whole life story to someone for withdrawing from an RP.

I feel like people are afraid of ghosting because it says something about them or their writing, but I've really gotten to the point where I don't care anymore. I want to be polite, but I'm not that attached to anything online to be emotional about having a partner ditch. Life happens. It can be disappointing, but I will never have a grudge for something so petty.

 

[kouzcy]

yes i have, but i still have a little pit in my stomach from doing so to about one or two partners--
i find myself to be a little hypocritical when i tell people to tell me when they're leaving, just so i know, but then i don't do so for other people--
sometimes i just ghost because their messages don't come through, but that's only for a short amount of time of course, probably about a day and a half at most.
sometimes i just drop the roleplay because i'm plain busy, i just got started with college classes and everything is so hectic being far away from home and things, so it's hard for me to both roleplay, and study, and do homework for classes that mean much more than typing out a response to someone..

 

[Tremaine]

Let's be honest here, everyone has.

So i've been roleplaying for over 10 years. Though i usually try to communicate to people if something is wrong, life happens. I've gotten harrassment that made me just abandon my account as a whole or just real life dropping in and me just forgetting entire.
Especially the latter is my main reason for ghosting people, the unintentional, accidental stuff like "i'll look at it later" or sudden distractions. Especially since i usually am on here when at work.

 

[Onmyoji]

I have very long rp experience, so ghosting happened a few times. Not proud of it, but it was mostly due to real life getting in the way. And me forgetting logins/passwords/losing access to emails and stuff like that. oops.
I usually warn people of my long absense but sometimes it happens very suddenly. Like, a few years ago I had extremely depressing stuff happening irl and I simply had no time or energy to check all places of my rp and warn all my partners while I was struggling with rl issues. After that I took a long break and didn't rp at all for a while.

Right now I try to keep in touch with people even when I can't rp for whatever reason. So instead of ghosting I'm making friends even if rp gets stale ^^

 

[JadeGreen17]

I have dropped countless RPs due to boredom, but I always leave a trail as to why I left or lost interest. Sometimes I even go as far as to quietly write my character out of the story. Having them wander off, die from a lucky hit by a low level enemy or leave the group for some reason. Ghosting is a huge peeve of mine and I try really hard not to be that guy.

I have ghosted two times, and I feeI was very justified in doing so.

Once was about 6 months ago during a large scale Scifi nation states RP. Voldemort played an overpowered uninteresting 40k inspired faction. His characters were as interesting as wet cardboard, his ships and weapons ludicrously overcompensating for something. The antagonists were boring and one dimensional. But I drew the line the second time he joked that a 40+ yo character was going to 'do things' with a 19 yo girl I was RPing.

Another was during a versus RP tournament. In where the GM and fellow competitors ignored damage stats when I did 100 more points of damage than the guy had armor and he got through the attack completely unscathed. So I figured we were playing it loose with character sheets, but in the next fight they appealed to the pedantics character sheets and negated my defenses because something was an aura effect even when it functioned like a directed effect, and in the very same turn decided that my plasma cannon classified as a projectile weapon and therefore triggered an enemy's defense mechanism. That was three instances of pretty obvious bias against me, so I ghosted. The GM and the guy I was fighting tried to talk me into rejoining but I wasn't giving them the satisfaction if internet rage and just blocked them. Maybe a bit of an overreaction but I couldn't shake the feeling I was just being used as a punching bag to inflate their egos.