Viewpoint Ghosters, why do you do it?

[Tulik]

I've had friendships like that in the past and they were extremely fulfilling. Would love to find something like that again on here.

Yeah. She’s been the only one I’ve been role playing with for...oh 4 years now? No one else really stands the test of time. It’s been such a long time since I’ve gotten into the role playing scene that I don’t even know how to start anymore. It’s why I created a profile here.

 

[Nostalchiq]

Yeah. She’s been the only one I’ve been role playing with for...oh 4 years now? No one else really stands the test of time. It’s been such a long time since I’ve gotten into the role playing scene that I don’t even know how to start anymore. It’s why I created a profile here.

Nice! I have only one partner who's lasted—almost two years now I've known him. I'd love a second but it's proving to be difficult. Nothing good is ever easy though, I suppose.

 

[Tulik]

Nice! I have only one partner who's lasted—almost two years now I've known him. I'd love a second but it's proving to be difficult. Nothing good is ever easy though, I suppose.

We’re dancing around it like two shy teenagers. I have no idea how this site works to be honest with you. My partner and I have been role playing through email. If you would care to show me the ropes perhaps this could blossom into a fine role playing friendship.

 

[Nostalchiq]

We’re dancing around it like two shy teenagers. I have no idea how this site works to be honest with you. My partner and I have been role playing through email. If you would care to show me the ropes perhaps this could blossom into a fine role playing friendship.

I could show you what I know, but I'm not a huge expert. Would be happy to try, though. PM me, or I have Discord if you'd like to chat there.

 

[Crayons]

Here are my theories: Sometimes it's like that thing where you don't want to break up with a bf/gf so you start acting wack so that they will break up with you first. Sometimes it's procrastination because you're not sure if you want to leave the rp or not and you hope it will just go away if you ignore it.

I've only ghosted a couple of people as far as I can remember, and none in recent memory. I still feel guilty about someone I ghosted on a Skype rp four years ago because I was bored with the rp and it wasn't going anywhere but they were a really nice person. :/

Sometimes it can be hard telling someone you want to leave if the reason for you wanting to leave is them being a big ole asshat. I just went for "I don't think we're compatible and it would be better for you to find someone you get along with better," rather than calling them out of their myriad of douchebaggery. :/

 

[Grey]

I have, to my shame, ghosted people as an adult. But in my defence, I was usually trying really hard not to kill myself or I was homeless, which kinda push any aspect of RPing way down the priority list.

I know some people ghost because they get overwhelmed with anxiety and every day they don't post or mention it, they get more anxious, and in the end avoidance is the less stressful decision.

 

[Nostalchiq]

I have, to my shame, ghosted people as an adult. But in my defence, I was usually trying really hard not to kill myself or I was homeless, which kinda push any aspect of RPing way down the priority list.

I know some people ghost because they get overwhelmed with anxiety and every day they don't post or mention it, they get more anxious, and in the end avoidance is the less stressful decision.

Aw, sorry to hear about that. In cases like that I can totally understand.

 

[Tarmagon]

(Waves) Ghosting is, unfortunately, going to happen. Sometimes it's merely an extended hiatus, sometimes, poof. My longest running partner hasn't replied in months now, but since she's dropped the occasional pm letting me know she's still alive but dealing with r/l stuff I don't count that. Nearly three years gets you a lot of patience on my part. And Rule #1... real life always comes first. If you can drop me a pm, wonderful. If not, I'm not going to assume you're ghosting, at least not until I see replies to other threads. Once that happens...

 

[Nostalchiq]

(Waves) Ghosting is, unfortunately, going to happen. Sometimes it's merely an extended hiatus, sometimes, poof. My longest running partner hasn't replied in months now, but since she's dropped the occasional pm letting me know she's still alive but dealing with r/l stuff I don't count that. Nearly three years gets you a lot of patience on my part. And Rule #1... real life always comes first. If you can drop me a pm, wonderful. If not, I'm not going to assume you're ghosting, at least not until I see replies to other threads. Once that happens...

Hi, guy! Sorry to hear that. Yeah, you're right. And thanks, I definitely will! Hope you are doing well out there with the virus stuff, it's definitely thrown me through a loop, even on here. Sorry I've been kinda quiet lately, been dealing with stuff.

 

[Tarmagon]

Hi, guy! Sorry to hear that. Yeah, you're right. And thanks, I definitely will! Hope you are doing well out there with the virus stuff, it's definitely thrown me through a loop, even on here. Sorry I've been kinda quiet lately, been dealing with stuff.

You asked for time, not a set amount. Hope things are going well for you, though with this thread I have my doubts. Anyway, the big thing is knowing and accepting that ghosting will happen. Like any adversity, how you respond to it is telling. We live, we learn, or we don't live long. I've lived a while now and still learn something every day, even if it's just that I survived.

 

[Nostalchiq]

You asked for time, not a set amount. Hope things are going well for you, though with this thread I have my doubts. Anyway, the big thing is knowing and accepting that ghosting will happen. Like any adversity, how you respond to it is telling. We live, we learn, or we don't live long. I've lived a while now and still learn something every day, even if it's just that I survived.

I'll be okay. Thanks for the words of wisdom, my friend.

 

[that_guy]

I don't typically consciously ghost people. More often than not it happens as a side effect of my real life affecting my ability to be around and instead of forcing myself to come to talk my writing partners, I get lazy.

I have ghosted people who were very toxic to be around because it wasn't worth exposing myself to more of their abuse.

It's easy to assume it's "you'' when people ghost you, but I would encourage you to keep in mind that something could be happening in their life. Sometimes its malicious (and that's bullshit) and sometimes it's a circumstance.

Good luck though.

 

[Virus]

I hate ghosting as well, but I do it for... busyness reason.
Everyday, I'm either replying to roleplays, embroidery, pinterest, whatever it is, it makes me fucking busy! Its getting worse over time. Take all of what I Said and add five hours or so of school, bloody hell mate. Its the worse.

Besides that, I ghost because I have a lot of ideas running through my head about it an I'm afraid my partner wouldn't like it. I don't understand this reason, but it's really annoying

I hope these problems go away...

 

[DeerPrince]

Honestly I've been on this site for nearly six years now and I've been ghosted countless numbers of times (and I've also been guilty of ghosting). I had a long term partner (1.5+ years) ghost me in the middle of a really solid roleplay that we'd been writing for a long while after completely finishing a different one in the past. We'd never had issues and messaged each other as friends pretty consistently on discord. She randomly ghosted, but I knew she had kept talking to one of our mutual friends, who also ended up ghosting our roleplay. Still haven't really figured out why or what happened.

It just honestly really sucks because I'm left on the other end wondering what exactly went on. I've ghosted out of fear too; sometimes I know our writing styles aren't compatible, or I've just gotten bored and completely forgotten to reply, but I would just really appreciate the other person being straightforward. I'd rather my partner just tell me straight up that this doesn't interest them anymore, or that they've just gotten too busy, etc. Then at the very least, I'm not left hanging to dry on the other end wondering if I did something wrong, you know?​

 

[Luna_Silverwing]

I admit I ghost often. Mostly it happens with my depression. I get in a rut and can't bring myself to write. Then by the time I'm back my depression switches for my anxiety and I get terrified that the person/ group is angry or hates me.

 

[BunnyDemon]

I used to hate being ghosted, but I have a better understanding of it now. I try not to ghost, but I have bad anxiety. If it’s a personal matter or time constraints that are preventing me from replying, I will absolutely let my parter know. But if it’s because I lost interest or if I’m not meshing well with my partner’s writing, I’m more hesitant on admitting that to my partner because I’m afraid of how the other person will react.

I respond in the same way if I’m the one being ghosted. If I don’t hear from my partner, I will just move on. I won’t message them because of the fear they might take my message as pushy or the might ridicule me in some way. I’d much rather not know than risk my fear coming to life.

 

[Nostalchiq]

Honestly I've been on this site for nearly six years now and I've been ghosted countless numbers of times (and I've also been guilty of ghosting). I had a long term partner (1.5+ years) ghost me in the middle of a really solid roleplay that we'd been writing for a long while after completely finishing a different one in the past. We'd never had issues and messaged each other as friends pretty consistently on discord. She randomly ghosted, but I knew she had kept talking to one of our mutual friends, who also ended up ghosting our roleplay. Still haven't really figured out why or what happened.

It just honestly really sucks because I'm left on the other end wondering what exactly went on. I've ghosted out of fear too; sometimes I know our writing styles aren't compatible, or I've just gotten bored and completely forgotten to reply, but I would just really appreciate the other person being straightforward. I'd rather my partner just tell me straight up that this doesn't interest them anymore, or that they've just gotten too busy, etc. Then at the very least, I'm not left hanging to dry on the other end wondering if I did something wrong, you know?​

Wow, that really sucks that someone you were writing with for that long just disappeared That must have been really hard.

 

[Nostalchiq]

I admit I ghost often. Mostly it happens with my depression. I get in a rut and can't bring myself to write. Then by the time I'm back my depression switches for my anxiety and I get terrified that the person/ group is angry or hates me.

It's good that you can admit that, both to others and yourself. That's the first step to improving yourself—admitting that there's a problem to begin with. Just remember that people are usually going to be more angry with you if you disappear than they would be if you just gathered up the courage to explain the situation to them. If they're mature they'll handle it well, most likely (and if they don't, just walk away. At least you know you tried), and they won't have to go on wondering what they did that made you ghost. It's the right thing to do. Thanks for stepping up and sharing.

 

[Luna_Silverwing]

It's good that you can admit that, both to others and yourself. That's the first step to improving yourself—admitting that there's a problem to begin with. Just remember that people are usually going to be more angry with you if you disappear than they would be if you just gathered up the courage to explain the situation to them. If they're mature they'll handle it well, most likely (and if they don't, just walk away. At least you know you tried), and they won't have to go on wondering what they did that made you ghost. It's the right thing to do. Thanks for stepping up and sharing.

That's a lot easier said than done. I'm actually coming back to the site for the first time in a while and I've worked on myself a good bit lately that is the only reason I am able to admit it now. If interested I started another thread in general discussion about my ghosting, specifically trying to find a small regular group to help keep my interest in the site and to maybe keep me from drifting off again.

 

[cherrylipstick]

I've only done it once, but that's because it was a huge RP with around 100 people participating. I couldn't keep up with the story and there were just too many characters.

 

[Dartwind]

Honestly? People being pushy.

I love to RP, and write. But I have a life. Oftentimes, I will get people constantly messaging me for replies. It's very, very irritating to be messaged a few times before even a day has passed. There are people who seem to think they're entitled to a response right now and if they don't get it, they get pushy and all sorts of nasty. I ghost them because I don't want to deal with that. Most of the time, the writers who do this don't put much effort into their responses, either. It's frustrating, rude, and frankly immature. I do my best to give quality responses and do so in a fairly timely manner, but... man, some people just seem to expect you to spit out replies like a machine.

Sometimes out of boredom. I try to not do that if the person seems reasonable - I'll tell them I'm busy or just lost inspiration and can't continue the RP. If they seem like they might throw a fit, I just... let it go.

Ghosting isn't something I take personally. It happens. I try not to be aggressive or pushy myself - I want people to feel comfortable contacting me.

 

[Phantom Thief of Hearts]

So in the past I have had people leave for an assortment of real life issues. There was extended hospitalization, death in the family, loss of job, loss of internet, school work, and various illnesses.

I also regularly have people just stop responding for who knows what reason. Sometimes they forget, sometimes they don’t want to do the roleplay but don’t want to tell me, and sometimes I legit never know why they left.

I find a good way to handle this is to set up post windows. If you don’t reply to a pm within Three days it goes into Archives. After two weeks it is deleted.

that's a good system to deal with Ghosters... I should try that, myself.

 

[Ayama]

(Waves) Ghosting is, unfortunately, going to happen. Sometimes it's merely an extended hiatus, sometimes, poof. My longest running partner hasn't replied in months now, but since she's dropped the occasional pm letting me know she's still alive but dealing with r/l stuff I don't count that. Nearly three years gets you a lot of patience on my part. And Rule #1... real life always comes first. If you can drop me a pm, wonderful. If not, I'm not going to assume you're ghosting, at least not until I see replies to other threads. Once that happens...

I definitely agree- RL comes first, and if RPing is messing with your life, you should prioritize the latter. That being said, I feel like it's usually possible to drop a line to let people know what's going on, that way they know if they should write out your character(s), put things on hold, or what.
I also understand anxiety and the like affecting your ability to respond, but in my experience giving any kind of response usually helps to deal with anxiety far better than avoiding the issue. Especially if people can see you're still online every day and reading their messages x.x

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[rae2nerdy]

I think for anxiety that depends on your triggers. My own anxiety was triggered far more by confrontation than it was by anything else. So Ieaving would actually cause me less anxiety than speaking up to other people. The thought process being they are gonna be mad either way but at least I don't have to deal with them directly if I leave. I mean not saying it was the most rational way of working things out. But anxiety disorders aren't exactly known for their rational responses to perceived danger.

 

[Ayama]

I think for anxiety that depends on your triggers. My own anxiety was triggered far more by confrontation than it was by anything else. So Ieaving would actually cause me less anxiety than speaking up to other people. The thought process being they are gonna be mad either way but at least I don't have to deal with them directly if I leave. I mean not saying it was the most rational way of working things out. But anxiety disorders aren't exactly known for their rational responses to perceived danger.

I've had similar issues but, like I said, in my experience, most of the time the issue was solved/anxiety eliminated by providing a response. Only on one occasion did it lead to any kind of confrontation or additional problems.

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