Viewpoint Did I overreact in this situation?

[Sacrilege]

"play this, this, and this for me"
"Can you write this one character for me?"
"oh wait one more can you write this one too"

omegalul. You dodged not one bullet, my friend, but five million. The immaturity and the turning their shortcomings around to somehow be your fault are just the cherries on top.

 

[Idea]

Thanks for all your input guys, I appreciate it a lot! So, I had another very similar situation like the one I mentioned in my opening post, but I'll put the entire convo here so there are no misconceptions. The things in the brackets <> were edited out for confidentiality sake.

Spoiler

<Me> Hello, I saw your search thread to double up for <fandom name> and I was interested in starting up a roleplay with you! Which character were you looking to play against? I'm pretty confident I can play any of the canons.

<Partner> Interesting

<Me> Lol I'm glad you find it interesting. Were you interested in working something out?

<Partner> ok i can see a lil brother of the main character being added in and his weapon is a battleaxe

<Me> Alright, cool! So you'll be playing the little brother, and is the main character the one you'd like me to play?

<Partner> Hes one of them.. but can you play the other cast too? Like in truth the villain aims to kill my character in order to get to the main character. My character's name is <name> but everyone calls him <nickname>

<Me> Sure, I wouldn't mind that. Although, may I ask if you could do the same please, only when/if it's needed? (I just generally don't like to be the only one playing multiple characters in a rp since I've had some pretty bad experiences with it before in the past, I hope that's not a problem!) But the two characters I'll be playing so far will be the main character and the main villain then?

<Partner> I say we both share the cast

<Me> That would be perfect, thank you! Which characters would you like to play and which would you like me to play?

<Partner> I wanna be my oc

<Me> Oh, yeah, I imagine we'll both be our OCs lol but were there any other characters you'd like to play since we'll be sharing the cast?

<Partner> can u play <character name> too

<Me> I'm really sorry, but I actually don't think we'll be good partners. But thank you regardless and I wish you the best!

<Partner> why? I didn't do anything

*Me after not replying for a day*

<Partner> hello??? can u give me a reason at least

<Me> I'm sorry, you just seemed to be dismissing a lot of my questions and only seem to be interested in your side of things instead of actually doubling. But I'm sure you'll find other better partners, so I wish you the best!

<Partner> wow ur hard to please, i did answer your questions and we were in the middle of plotting still. but lol k next time just don't bother reaching out. Thanks for wasting my time bye

I like to give the benefit of the doubt most of the time but should I have given more of a chance or something, or what would you guys have done/said in the same situation? I also kinda think I'm starting to understand why people ghost so much, since it's so much easier to just go silent rather than deal with the toxicity of telling people you're just not interested anymore. :/

You persisted longer than I would have. A vague one word response would’ve been a big red flag for me, and then there were a bunch more. You were as polite as you could be, and gave that person more of a chance than what it seems they deserved by this conversation.

 

[Crayons]

Thanks for all your input guys, I appreciate it a lot! So, I had another very similar situation like the one I mentioned in my opening post, but I'll put the entire convo here so there are no misconceptions. The things in the brackets <> were edited out for confidentiality sake.

Spoiler

<Me> Hello, I saw your search thread to double up for <fandom name> and I was interested in starting up a roleplay with you! Which character were you looking to play against? I'm pretty confident I can play any of the canons.

<Partner> Interesting

<Me> Lol I'm glad you find it interesting. Were you interested in working something out?

<Partner> ok i can see a lil brother of the main character being added in and his weapon is a battleaxe

<Me> Alright, cool! So you'll be playing the little brother, and is the main character the one you'd like me to play?

<Partner> Hes one of them.. but can you play the other cast too? Like in truth the villain aims to kill my character in order to get to the main character. My character's name is <name> but everyone calls him <nickname>

<Me> Sure, I wouldn't mind that. Although, may I ask if you could do the same please, only when/if it's needed? (I just generally don't like to be the only one playing multiple characters in a rp since I've had some pretty bad experiences with it before in the past, I hope that's not a problem!) But the two characters I'll be playing so far will be the main character and the main villain then?

<Partner> I say we both share the cast

<Me> That would be perfect, thank you! Which characters would you like to play and which would you like me to play?

<Partner> I wanna be my oc

<Me> Oh, yeah, I imagine we'll both be our OCs lol but were there any other characters you'd like to play since we'll be sharing the cast?

<Partner> can u play <character name> too

<Me> I'm really sorry, but I actually don't think we'll be good partners. But thank you regardless and I wish you the best!

<Partner> why? I didn't do anything

*Me after not replying for a day*

<Partner> hello??? can u give me a reason at least

<Me> I'm sorry, you just seemed to be dismissing a lot of my questions and only seem to be interested in your side of things instead of actually doubling. But I'm sure you'll find other better partners, so I wish you the best!

<Partner> wow ur hard to please, i did answer your questions and we were in the middle of plotting still. but lol k next time just don't bother reaching out. Thanks for wasting my time bye

I like to give the benefit of the doubt most of the time but should I have given more of a chance or something, or what would you guys have done/said in the same situation? I also kinda think I'm starting to understand why people ghost so much, since it's so much easier to just go silent rather than deal with the toxicity of telling people you're just not interested anymore. :/

Ah... I see. From the initial post I was imagining something much more dramatic on either or both sides. This is just a child (or childlike adult) being a child. I wouldn't say it's toxic, just stupid. Don't let things like this get to you if you can help it. I would have noped out of it much earlier - I certainly don't think you did anything wrong. Unfortunately there is a lot of chaff to sort from the wheat finding compatible RP partners, and this kind of thing is going to happen. One way to try to prevent it is by thoroughly scrutnising the Interest Check for clues about their personality, maturity level and motives but that doesn't always work. Good luck!

 

[Lunchbox]

Ok, so with information we can certainly gather a better picture. No, this was certainly a one sided conversation. I mean, this is a typical ego conversations, one sided. I see several very subtle inputs that show great insight to how this other person would of communicated with you via future. Although, to be honest, this is a lot better of an interaction then I was picturing. Though, there are a lot of "ownership" words put here. Small things like, you were not able to choose your own character, you had to fit into a character this person wanted you to play, on top of that when you questioned said structure you got a double period response. (..) Generally this is pretty obvious to be a pause of "duh". The lower case lettering also shows me they are pretty disinterested from the start and it seems that you are initiating rather cordial conversation. The last response really sealed the deal for me " wow your hard to please." When it was in fact you pleasing this other person the entire time. It also confuses me when this person is wanting you to play all these characters but then is defensive about "wanting to share the cast."

The interaction was rather small and I would say one thing that could of gotten this conversation into a rocky start. Was you giving this person power by telling them the reason. They already knew the reason. People who respond to a ending of a conversation with a "hello could you at least give me a reason." That is very much an ego response. They need validation to freak out at you because this person already knows they were piling a lot of one sided things at you. But then again, I don't know the nature of the advertisement so perhaps you got yourself into a pickle.

I'd say in a situation like that . Don't even respond with anything more than a sentence. You can't feed people who can't communicate effectivly. It just doesn't work. Next time just say " Oh thank you so much but the role play was not what I thought, my bad. Have a good day. Always end on a positive and if you simply just blame yourself the person has nothing to bitch about essencially.Even thouhgh you know its not all a one sided thing and not entirely your fault.

 

[CecilDMMasters]

I've seen this a lot. I don't blame you for ditching them and then blocking. I use to be a lot nicer and give people a chance thinking they may just be awkwardly shy and can tell you when a RP starts like this it get really uncomfortable fast. If you persisted then I guarantee they would of either led you on with your side being "later" every time mentioned or just assumed once it started you would keep going and not hiding the demands.

As I said before these people usually have a huge "Be in charge of my happiness." Vibe. They literally don't see the person at the other end as someone who is wanting to have fun and are looking for a enabler for their own ego and needs and not a partner. And in an RP both partners need to be happy because it is a game. And if the game is broken for even one partner it's not worth it.

And as far as blocking then yeah, if they get rude block. It's a tool to not deal with people and it's perfectly fine to use it. Frankly I block when lied to in the planning of an RP or when I say I don't do something and they suddenly try to shove it in. Obviously I won't be RPing if I can't trust someone and why bother even seeing their ads pop up anymore on the site. And it wasn't like I talked to these people prior to trying to start an RP so no loss.

 

[nerdy tangents]

Yeah as mentioned I think the one word response to your initial question would have been my clue to cut my losses. As it kind of sets the tone for the entire conversation.

It’s very clear they weren’t paying attention to what you were saying in your posts and only wanted to talk about their own “side” so to speak.

You were actually perfectly cordial. On your end you handled it beautifully (if you were a bit more patient than I would be).

I have defiantly gotten needy people who attempted to guilt trip me in the past. I usually end with something like “I am sorry I am not a good partner for you” then just leave the conversation.

 

[TigerLover513]

Sana

First off hello! Second off.

I really think you did the right thing! I mean you didn't overreact at all you definitely did the right thing!

If they weren't doing what they said they would do, then you did the right thing. Talking to them and trying to be kind about it, even though you were frustrated. You did a really good job at this! I feel like I'm giving a job interview right now. Lol.

 

[Sana]

Thanks guys, the second conversation I posted was actually a different person from the first one (I deleted the first convo before making this topic) but my interactions with them were along the same lines, only that I called it quits with the second person a lot sooner.

I thought I was blowing things out of proportion, started feeling bad about it, began questioning if I should have maybe done or said something differently, and then wondered what other people thought/if those types of conversations and partners were normal and I was just the one who gets really emotionally peeved lol. I'll take all of the advice here into consideration for future reference though! Thanks again everyone!

 

[Rusty of Shackleford]

Yeah, I don't think you overreacted. Usually I do both the characters I'm playing as in one post, but sometimes I will split it up. If it's on Discord, it's simply because it would probably be too long, although sometimes I'll do it if I have a muse for one character at the moment z but not the other and just want to get something out. But I always tell my partner in advance what I'm doing, and always try to get that post our if possible. If they really were interested in the other side, they'd have participated and let you know what they were doing.

 

[CecilDMMasters]

Thanks guys, the second conversation I posted was actually a different person from the first one (I deleted the first convo before making this topic) but my interactions with them were along the same lines, only that I called it quits with the second person a lot sooner.

I thought I was blowing things out of proportion, started feeling bad about it, began questioning if I should have maybe done or said something differently, and then wondered what other people thought/if those types of conversations and partners were normal and I was just the one who gets really emotionally peeved lol. I'll take all of the advice here into consideration for future reference though! Thanks again everyone!

When looking for partners you can sometimes run into a lot of bad apples before you find a good partner. I have had a lot of people who I am pretty sure don't even read the rules I post and just spam everyone with anything that say RP on it. Be glad when they show their true selves quickly before you waste to much time on them. Don't feel bad for not giving up to much time with people on the other end of a screen that try to make a game into a job. In roleplay your goal should be to focus attention on finding compatible people so you can both enjoy yourselves.

 

[VapidBeauty]

I don't blame you for ditching in the second conversation either. Like many others said, the one word answer you got was a big red flag and I would have lost interest there too. I think that person was most likely a kid, so I don't wanna be too harsh on them but you definitely dodged a bullet.

 

[Lunchbox]

Yes, I agree with you on that Vapid. I think if its dragged out too much you start to demonize an individual for a pretty human mistake. Something I'm sure we all have done or gone through. Where I do agree that there was no horrible over reaction. A thread with several pages of complaining could be considered over reacting. At least in my opinion. If I dwell on something more than a few hours. It destroys my mental health. So, yeah I think you avoided a situation but maybe its time to stop thinking about it so much. *nods*
I know that sounds kinda contradictory to what I post but like my opinions shift like most people in a conversation.

 

[Icepurp]

Not at all!