Character Critique Thread

@las0r0o7 I second what all King said, and have nothing to add for now.


@SweetNicole I don't see any major issues with Holly. Not sure about the reassignment from military, as that is a lore question for welian. History needs a once over for minor editing clean up. Otherwise seems solid. Not sure she really needs cybernetic arms, and given Welian's feelings about that, will probably stand a better chance of approval without.


@Fyuri She looks good to me. 
 
Many edit have been done ! 


I have a feeling that his backstory will need to be change, but i hope to get your opinion on it before. 
 
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Anything else I need to consider regarding my OC?
 
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I've adjusted her stats a bit to try and better reflect her abilities, though they're mostly for when she's in animal forms, not when she's in her human form. Could I make two sets of stats for her? Like, one for her human form and another for animal forms?


Beyond that, I've also added more limitations and specified how she learns to shift into animal forms.
 
Gus said:
She looks good, LR, except you can only have two supporting powers.  Maybe feral could go in limitations?
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I am under the Impression 'good singer' is in there as a joke more than a power >w<
 


Seems like something Lazy would do XD
 
Sorry it took so long to do, i had issues thinking of how to rework my character but either way it's back and changed a bit, let me know what you guys think :3
 
Here's a link to the sheet.


I would have tagged it, but something's amiss and the tag button isn't working for me. >>
 
Still would like more critique for Scarlet. I know I can't afford her yet, but I also know she's still a WIP.
 
OK! feedback time.


@DeKay I am fine with Ioanna coming back. That said, I read her over anyway, and I have two suggestions. Maybe drop intelligence to 3 or even 2 to pump up defense? 3 Def does not see like enough to survive impacts at the speed of sound? I would go with 2 2 5 7 2 2 1.  There is also some concern on the committee that her past is a little darker than fits the evolved tone of the story, if that makes sense? Not saying you can't be grandfathered in, just maybe tone down the edginess a little bit, or throw in a detail about arrest happening say, five years ago, and having tried hard to reform in Juvenile lock up, getting released to AEGIS and really hoping to turn over a new leaf. I think that fits her dialog way back in episode 2, but what do you think?


@las0r0o7  Zabara still needs some work. First, a minor note, glass cannon seems an odd codename. It's a trope, but pro tip, don't advertise to the bad guys that you go down in one hit with your codename. Black lighting might be a bit on the nose, but maybe would be better flavor?  Second, glad to see you are willing to tone down the power level, but as described, energy 3 doesn't really cut it.  Rule of thumb, 3 is equivalent to a hand gun. What you describe sounds like at least a 6. If you want to stay at C rank, I'd suggest 1 2 1 4 2 2 6, dropping the strength and health to reflect the 'glass cannon angle, and pumping the agility to reflect the enhanced reflexes.  Honestly though, he sounds more like a B rank, so I would go with B and do stats as 1 2 1 6 3 2 6. 


Next up, drop the electrical empowerment. As you stress the deleterious effects of 'black' lightning, it does not make sense that you can get stronger from absorbing electricity. The whole flavor of the character is of electricity as a destructive force, which is cool, but then turning around and using it as source of strength cuts against that idea.  Maybe instead you could have a supporting power of ruining any electronics you touch? Burning things out and breaking them down is more in flavor. 


Drop the 'ricochet off of metal before seeking out the target' thing. That smacks of auto hitting and godmodding and will not be tolerated. 


Limitations need to limit the power, so the gauntlets that make you stronger with a 9 volt battery does not count. Neither does armor. And the third one feels a little shifty as well. 


Maybe try something like: 


Exhaustion: Zabara can only recharge by eating and sleeping like a normal person, and using his powers literally makes him sick. After a major fight, he might end up hospitalized while his body heals and recharges. 


EMF sensitivity: Being around electrical devices makes him ill and irritable. Sometimes he can't resist the urge to short out everything nearby just so the headaches will stop.


That is the sort of thing that counts as limitations. I suggest those as being in flavor with the 'negative harmful' aspects of electricity, as well as playing into the glass cannon angle, but feel free to go a different way. Just understand that drawbacks need to be drawbacks, not backdoor ways to smuggle in extra powers.


@KingHink


  I feel like we already talked about Ernest. Do you need suggestions for negative traits? I seem to recall 'cold blooded' being tossed about.  Let me know if you want to workshop him in the CC channel. I would like to see him pioneer 'bad-assert' as a D rank power also.


@Stickdom Are you still around? I'd like to see claire in the RP, but not going to spend a lot of time in review if you have lost interest. Give a shout out either way?


@Nick Ton Cutter Reinforcing what J said above, maybe make it clear that your five energy allows you to assign at most 4  points extra to any one stat, limited by the emotions of people around you. Is splitting it up to four ways possible?  You need a hard return near the bottom to make it clear you have three limitations. As formatted it looks like two. Lastly, great work on rounding out history and relationships. Would you like some help wordsmithing that? If so reach out to me in PM. I used to teach english as a second language and I enjoy working with people to clarify their meanings and help with idioms and other details.  The meaning is clear enough I think, but I'd be happy to help polish it up if you want.


@Lioness075 I like the idea of a shapeshifter very much.  Two main questions occur to me: How long does the shifting take? You can maintain for an hour or two, but how long does each transition take? You say you can't change during a fight, so I am picturing like a minute or so in either direction, but that should be clarified. 


Second, Stats. …stats, stats, stats.  I like the loss of 1 intelligence, but is that all? It seems like that power needs more flexibility.  What about this:


Human form is C rank: 2 2 2 3 2 3 4, representing an above average normal with energy for shifting.Then your animal forms could reach up to maximum of A rank, giving you a 7 point reserve to play with (including the -1 intelligence, which would be locked in, along with a minimum of 4 energy for shifting back.)


So lion could be 3 5 3 5 1 3 4 (A rank, 24 points) while an Eagle could be 2 2 2 6 1 3 4 (20 points B rank) and a skunk could be 1 1 1 2 1 4 6  (C rank 16 points)


Sparrow is 1 1 1 5 1 2 4 (D rank 15 points)  Earthworm 1 1 1 1 1 1 4 (E rank 10 points)  This is fun! I could go all day, but will stop here.


OOOH! brainblast! What if each shift reduced your energy by one for the day? So for five shifts you'd need five energy, or you could limit it to four per day.  


OOOH OOOOH! Better yet, make it so that each shift costs you energy equal to the increase in rank! So lion costs two energy, but eagle only costs one. And skunk costs zero.  And an hour as a sparrow might get you one energy back again? So you could go Lion --> Human --> Earthworm --> Human --> Lion indefinitely :D


Just throwing those ideas out there, and speaking only as myself, not on behalf of CC here. Stat shifting is… tricksy.  I had to do a LOT of work to get Kate and Manami approved, both because of this idea of changeable stats.  I think this could be a direction forward. Let me know what you think, and I will bounce the idea around the CC also. 
 
Gus said:
I like the idea of a shapeshifter very much.  Two main questions occur to me: How long does the shifting take? You can maintain for an hour or two, but how long does each transition take? You say you can't change during a fight, so I am picturing like a minute or so in either direction, but that should be clarified. 


Second, Stats. …stats, stats, stats.  I like the loss of 1 intelligence, but is that all? It seems like that power needs more flexibility.  What about this:


Human form is C rank: 2 2 2 3 2 3 4, representing an above average normal with energy for shifting.Then your animal forms could reach up to maximum of A rank, giving you a 7 point reserve to play with (including the -1 intelligence, which would be locked in, along with a minimum of 4 energy for shifting back.)


So lion could be 3 5 3 5 1 3 4 (A rank, 24 points) while an Eagle could be 2 2 2 6 1 3 4 (20 points B rank) and a skunk could be 1 1 1 2 1 4 6  (C rank 16 points)


Sparrow is 1 1 1 5 1 2 4 (D rank 15 points)  Earthworm 1 1 1 1 1 1 4 (E rank 10 points)  This is fun! I could go all day, but will stop here.


OOOH! brainblast! What if each shift reduced your energy by one for the day? So for five shifts you'd need five energy, or you could limit it to four per day.  


OOOH OOOOH! Better yet, make it so that each shift costs you energy equal to the increase in rank! So lion costs two energy, but eagle only costs one. And skunk costs zero.  And an hour as a sparrow might get you one energy back again? So you could go Lion --> Human --> Earthworm --> Human --> Lion indefinitely :D


Just throwing those ideas out there, and speaking only as myself, not on behalf of CC here. Stat shifting is… tricksy.  I had to do a LOT of work to get Kate and Manami approved, both because of this idea of changeable stats.  I think this could be a direction forward. Let me know what you think, and I will bounce the idea around the CC also. 
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Ohh yeah, I'll add that info in. The shifting should take around 5-10 minutes depending on the size difference. How does that sound? Like, if the animal is close to human size then it won't take nearly as long, but if she were to become an elephant or rat then the time will be longer. Or adversely, if she became something with a complex body such as an octopus.


Hmm, okay. I like the different stats idea, I just know I was told to hold off on that idea for the time being originally. I definitely want to keep the -1 intelligence in every animal form and then I suppose it could get complex fast if I chose specific stats for each animal form. Would I have to get each animal form approved with its selected stats in that case?
 
Keep holding off on the changing stats. that is definitely still under discussion. 5 to 10 minutes sounds great.


As for the stats, hopefully that will get hashed out before we get to the CCP mark. RIght now, leaning towards evening them out a bit and not changing them.


sorry, @Lioness075 forgot to tag or quote you in last post.
 
Gus said:
Keep holding off on the changing stats. that is definitely still under discussion. 5 to 10 minutes sounds great.


As for the stats, hopefully that will get hashed out before we get to the CCP mark. RIght now, leaning towards evening them out a bit and not changing them.
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Okay, I edited to add in the shifting time as well as a more misc kinda weakness at the bottom.


I'll hold off on the stats for now while that's still up in the air. But I will go back in to even them up a bit for her human form.
 
Edited her stats to make them more balanced. They make her a C Rank now, but with the changeable stats per form, she'd become an A rank for each animal form. Thus, this likely needs to be discussed more formally, as that makes her a very complex character.
 
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@DeKay So I was thinking, with Ioana being resubmitted, that she might be better off as an A rank. Almost breaking the sound barrier is REALLY damn fast, and can cause a lot of collateral damage even though she's not able to create a sonic boom. She's got to be super tough for her body to withstand the effects of her powers. If you can afford the CCP, I think her stats would more accurately reflect her powers like so:


Stats


Points


Health


2


Strength


2


Toughness


5


Agility


8


Intelligence


3


Willpower


2


Energy


1


Total


23




Or, if you want to keep her at a B rank and lower her top speed:


Stats


Points


Health


2


Strength


2


Toughness


4


Agility


7


Intelligence


3


Willpower


2


Energy


1


Total


21




Either way, I think it would be best to lower her intelligence to three. She's persuasive, which means she has the emotional intelligence to manipulate people, but since her power strictly deals with superspeed, I don't see a reason for that 4th point - so I've placed it into Toughness/Defense, to indicate that her body is tougher than a normal person and can withstand the forces generated by her own speed without her skeleton tearing itself asunder.


Additionally, it might be a good idea to revise some of the mass murder out of her backstory. It was fine in Episode 1, but now that the RP has matured a bit, I think Ioana can afford to be toned down as a character.
 
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