Character Critique Thread

T I R E D + P R I N C E said:
https://www.rpnation.com/threads/javen-h.318639/

I'm all done with my character, tell me what you think..
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First thing I've noticed is your character focuses on darkness manipulation, which will require lots of energy, yet you've given her even stronger stats for strength and defense. Her power also focuses more on travel than anything else, so there's little reasoning for her defense and strength to be so strong. Unless she can use shadows to defend herself (not mentioned in CS) or to lift heavy objects such as trucks (also not mentioned in CS), then she shouldn't have such intense strength and defense.
 
Also, with how lowkey her power is (she can't destroy a big area with it necessarily), I think she should be a C Rank, at least. B Rank is for more serious powers and this one really isn't that dangerous or powerful to me.
 
What can she do with the shadows? Does she just move them around and hide in them? Or does she actually make it so the shadows can touch things like grab someone or pick things up?

r e i r e i
 
I also believe that a 19 year-old at 170 pounds and at 5'7" would not be considered the slim body type.

At her age and height, the healthy body weight for her would be roughly 140 pounds.
 
The J said:
The main problem I see with her power is that you've given her two powers in the main part. Shadow manipulation should be the main power, with shadow jumping as a support.
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Ok but I did some research on powers before I wrote up her CS. Shadow Manipulation is sub form of Darkness Manipulation plus a shadow is really just a form of darkness so I thought darkness manipulation was enough so she could have limits but could also grow her powers throughout rp.

I can see what you were saying though
 
T I R E D + P R I N C E said:
Ok but I did some research on powers before I wrote up her CS. Shadow Manipulation is sub form of Darkness Manipulation plus a shadow is really just a form of darkness so I thought darkness manipulation was enough so she could have limits but could also grow her powers throughout rp.

I can see what you were saying though
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As our GM has beautifully explained before, we write the CS as if the character's power is already fully developed. We can write IC as if they aren't quite there yet, though.

For example, one of my characters has superspeed, but little control over it. It sounds badass in her CS, but she faceplants more often than not IC.
 
T I R E D + P R I N C E said:
Ok but I did some research on powers before I wrote up her CS. Shadow Manipulation is sub form of Darkness Manipulation plus a shadow is really just a form of darkness so I thought darkness manipulation was enough so she could have limits but could also grow her powers throughout rp.

I can see what you were saying though
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Powers do not grow through the RP. What grows is the character. And how well they can control and how creative they can use it. The power itself would not change over time, nor grow more powerful.
 
Lioness075 said:
As our GM has beautifully explained before, we write the CS as if the character's power is already fully developed. We can write IC as if they aren't quite there yet, though.

For example, one of my characters has superspeed, but little control over it. It sounds badass in her CS, but she faceplants more often than not IC.
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ok I see, so do I mainly put it with Shadow Manpulation?
 
I've sighted a few grammatical errors here and there in the CS, so maybe just general editing, like a once over to clean that minor stuff up. ^^
 
Lioness075 said:
First thing I've noticed is your character focuses on darkness manipulation, which will require lots of energy, yet you've given her even stronger stats for strength and defense. Her power also focuses more on travel than anything else, so there's little reasoning for her defense and strength to be so strong. Unless she can use shadows to defend herself (not mentioned in CS) or to lift heavy objects such as trucks (also not mentioned in CS), then she shouldn't have such intense strength and defense.
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Fixed that and added the left over points to her health giving her better relisent and I added that because darkness manipulation to me is mainly a defense thing so which is why the defense was raised

for the strength, she trains herself in martial arts because as I said before she's mainly defensive so she needs to be strong to fight close range if she has to
 
T I R E D + P R I N C E said:
Fixed that and added the left over points to her health giving her better relisent and I added that because darkness manipulation to me is mainly a defense thing so which is why the defense was raised

for the strength, she trains herself in martial arts because as I said before she's mainly defensive`
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You realize a 5 in strength puts her over and beyond Olympic-level strength, right? That requires a Super gene.
 
If you're uncertain how strong her stats should be, and Idk if our manual is still up and running around here with a good explanation, you can always refer to accepted CS's for more information.

As far as I can recall, a 1 in a stat means you're weaker than the average human. 2 means you're average. 3 means you're at an Olympic level. 4 is where the Super gene comes into play. I can't remember the details for the rest, though I know 9 is practically atomic.
 
Lioness075 said:
You realize a 5 in strength puts her over and beyond Olympic-level strength, right? That requires a Super gene.
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....I forgot to add that in. Sorry, she was tested after the boyfriend incident
 
Lioness075 said:
If you're uncertain how strong her stats should be, and Idk if our manual is still up and running around here with a good explanation, you can always refer to accepted CS's for more information.

As far as I can recall, a 1 in a stat means you're weaker than the average human. 2 means you're average. 3 means you're at an Olympic level. 4 is where the Super gene comes into play. I can't remember the details for the rest, though I know 9 is practically atomic.
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it's still up and I was refering to it as I was writing the CS
 
T I R E D + P R I N C E said:
....I forgot to add that in. Sorry, she was tested after the boyfriend incident
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You just told me the strength came from her martial arts skills. That has nothing to do with her superpower and regardless of her testing, her power does not give her the ability to be superstrong. At least, not how you've explained it.
 
If her martial arts are being factored in for her strength, she really should be at a 2. You don't describe her skill as being that great anyways. If she even wanted to get to a 3, she'd need to master her martial arts skill.

Also, a 19 year old can't master martial arts.
 
KingHink said:
What can she do with the shadows? Does she just move them around and hide in them? Or does she actually make it so the shadows can touch things like grab someone or pick things up?

r e i r e i
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No, she can control shadows. A person shadow and travel in them if need be
 
The J said:
Right, but what can she do with those controlled shadows? Just change their shape?
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It was mentioned in her history that she held someone in place by holding their shadow, I believe. So, she can essentially control people through them, too.
 
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