Fantasy Aedighar [closed]

[desti]

It made Antra incredibly happy to sit next to Brynden and Willelm then. The lack of Rhea and their parents was painful, but Antra didn’t want to live her whole life filled with grief. Sometimes she still dreamt of how strange the corpses of Rhea and mother had looked, but Antra wanted to live and not hang onto it too much. It hurt so much, but it was all over now. She wouldn’t lose anyone else to the war anymore.

When Willelm asked if she missed Nilfgaard, Antra knew she wouldn’t be able to explain to him how much she missed it. She didn’t know how long she would stay in Nilfgaard once they’d get back home, since perhaps Brynden already had plans to marry her off. Questions like that could wait, though. Antra didn’t want to worry about such things right now, anyways. She just wanted to go back home. Finally.

“So much,” Antra sighed, “I miss everything about it.”

"Me too. I wish we could go back already."

“Soon. I can’t wait,” Antra smiled, but then it faded from her face, “is it going to feel the same, though? Without them.”

"I fear it won't, but I don't know."

Undoubtedly, it would feel strange to return to Nilfgaard. Antra still hoped that it would feel as much as home as when they’d left, but she was worried that the absence of their parents and Rhea would leave a mark. She feared that she wouldn’t love Nilfgaard because of it, but at the same time Antra knew that she’d treasure it even more because of all the memories. With that thought, Antra regained her happiness again, stubbornly not letting herself get sad at a moment like this.

In an effort to distract her mind even more, Antra looked around the Great Hall again. All their smiles and laughter were infectious in a way, now that Antra let herself get used to them. For a second, Antra smiled at Aryana before looking away again as she saw her father approach. She tried to see Elias amidst those gathered, but she couldn’t find him. Perhaps that was for the better, then she’d just end up distracted by him. When Antra looked back towards Aryana, her seat was empty so she turned back to Willelm once more.

“Even if it won’t be the same, it’s still our home.”

"I know, but for how long? We can't all live there forever."

“That won’t change if we all end up living in different places,” Antra shrugged, “it will always be our home, no matter what.”

"You're right. I suppose I'm just worried it won't feel like home anymore."

“It’ll be alright, Willelm,” Antra smiled, moving her hand to touch his arm.

"Thank you, Antra."

Then, Willelm smiled at her and Antra pulled her hand away from him. She was just about to say something else to him, when Antra heard Brynden’s chair squeak against the ground as he got up. Antra had always admired Brynden and looked up at him. After all, Brynden was her big brother. Gods, he looked so much like a King now, even with how bruised he looked. All he was missing was a crown.

Though, Brynden didn’t really look that great overall, that she couldn’t deny. His face was covered in cuts and bruised all over, swollen slightly on one side while his nose was bent a little more to the other. At least all the blood that undoubtedly had covered him before was washed up, and Antra noticed how his hands were wrapped in bandages. Brynden had had better days, there were no doubts about that.

“You all and your men fought bravely today,” Brynden spoke, and Antra could tell that his voice just seemed off. Maybe he was tired? That could’ve been it. She saw his hands gripping so tightly onto the table that his veins were pressing up against his skin. Suddenly, Antra found herself worried as she sat there, looking up at her brother. Did Willelm notice? Did anyone else?

“I want to thank each and every one of you for what you’ve done, how you’ve helped me and my family over the last months. In due time, you will be repaid not only in words, but in gold and land.”

That made a roar erupt in the crowd as they raised their cups to salute Brynden, and he continued to speak once the noise died down, “every single one of you was important so that we could succeed. Thank you, truly.”

“We’ve all lost something in the War. Many lives had to be lost so that we could find peace, so that our children, their children could live in quieter times than us. Mourn those we lost, but celebrate the living. These are the beginnings of new times and Aedighar will flourish after it’ll heal from the wounds of war, after we all heal.”

Hearing Brynden’s words, made Antra want to get up and hug her brother. Instead of doing that, she grabbed Willelm’s hand, gripping onto it tightly for some comfort. She felt him squeeze it, stroking it comfortingly with his fingers for which Antra felt grateful for.

“House Wynver is no more, their tyranny has come to an end,” Brynden spoke and Antra felt a shiver run down her spine from those words and how strange it sounded.

“The King is dead, long live the King,” someone shouted from the Hall and again the crowd cheered for Brynden, drinking and making a show of their cups. Though Brydnen didn’t seem very amused or honoured by any of it.

“The King is dead,” Brynden repeated, wincing as he spoke, “and I will not take his place.”

It seemed like everyone grew confused then, as did Antra. Her brows furrowed as she looked first at the whispering crowd then back at Brynden. At least she didn’t feel like she was the only one surprised by that, as Antra had been under the impression that Brynden would be King and Aryana would be Queen. It had sounded nice in her mind when she thought of it.

“I killed your King and I’m giving you a Queen to take his place,” Brynden said and turned his head to look at Antra, pausing as their eyes met before he continued, “long live the Queen.”

The silence that followed was incredibly uncomfortable, until it became worse when she heard the crowd slowly repeat Brynden’s chant of “Long live the Queen” as it slowly became more confident with each time it was said. It felt like Antra might break Willelm’s hand from how tightly she was gripping onto it, while her eyes stared back at Brynden. She was waiting to hear him say that it was all a joke, but instead she could only listen to the chanting and her racing heartbeat.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Confusion spread through Willelm so quickly at Brynden’s words. Though the future had been so uncertain in his eyes, he couldn’t seem to understand his brother’s words when everyone was chanting for their new Queen. Antra was grasping onto his hand so tightly that Willelm almost wanted to pull away from his fingers started to tingle at the lack of blood rushing through them. A shocked expression washed over his face as he looked over at his sister. She looked lost, just as confused as him, or perhaps she looked frightened. He wasn’t sure.

Their new Queen would be Antra. She was so young, and Willelm thought she was too fragile to handle that responsibility. It worried him as he thought Wheldrake was no place for her. The court was no place for her. Perhaps her kindness would do Aedighar good, but Willelm worried it would destroy her. He could only imagine the worst scenarios of this as he squeezed her hand so tightly, not letting it go.

There was no doubt the people would love her and cherish her soft nature, but Willelm found it hard to see past the struggles any ruler would go through. He had heard enough stories from the Maester to know that the life Antra was being thrown into wouldn’t be easy. Worry rushed through his veins as he wondered if his young sister would be ready for that responsibility. How had Brynden kept this a secret from everyone? For a moment Willelm almost felt angry at him for not telling him sooner. When had they started keeping secrets from each other?

They were brothers. They were family.

Willelm felt lost. As her brother, he wanted to reassure Antra that she would be a great Queen. He didn’t doubt her ability to be a just and kind ruler, but he could almost imagine her slip through his fingers as the power would be too much for her. She was a good and proper Lady, fit to marry any man in the Aedighar, but to be the Queen all on her own? Willelm winced at the thought of his sister being alone. Gods, he hoped Brynden had planned this out carefully, and he prayed to the Gods that it wouldn’t destroy Antra.

“Antra,” Willelm spoke softly.

There was no answer, and Willelm looked over at Brynden who sat down in his chair. He let go of Antra’s hand as a frown grew on his face. While everyone drank out of their cups, Willelm wondered if it would be a good idea to yell at Brynden now for not telling him and Antra about this sooner. They deserved to know. They were his siblings, but then he remembered what had happened at home when he had questioned Brynden’s decisions in front of his men. It hadn’t ended well, and he didn’t want to embarrass anyone now.

Instead of saying anything to Brynden, Willelm looked back at Antra who still looked so lost. He raised his hand to cup her cheek as he spoke again, “Antra.”

Now was not the time for her to lose herself. The men who sat by their tables were seeing her as their Queen. She couldn’t be weak now. He couldn’t imagine what thoughts must have run through her mind. He wondered if she liked the idea of being Queen. One day he would perhaps come to accept that idea once he could see that Antra was ready for it, but she didn’t look ready for it. Gods, Brynden could have at least given her time to think about it before announcing it to everyone. Willelm found it almost cruel of Brynden to do that.

Antra met his gaze as her voice was so quiet, Willelm could barely hear her as she said his name, “Willelm.”

“You’re going to be okay. I’m here,” Willelm said, “I’m here, Antra.”

"I don't want this,” Antra mumbled.

“Right now that doesn’t matter. You have to be strong. This is a huge responsibility whether you want it or not, it is yours now,” Willelm sighed as he pulled his hand away from her cheek.

Those words only seemed to upset Antra and Willelm wanted to groan at his own stupidity. In his eyes, she was too sweet for all of this. He imagined some Lords at court would abuse her kindness to their benefit, and how would Antra handle all the gossip and backstabbing that happened around royals. He shook his head slightly at his own thoughts as Antra looked away. As he looked beside him to look at Brynden, his brother was no longer there. The fact that he had just left made Willelm more angry with him.

“Antra, don’t lose yourself now. Look at me,” Willelm sighed as he looked at his sister again.

Their gaze met and Willelm saw how stressed she looked, “do you need to get some air? I can escort you away from here if the crowd is bothering you, Antra.”

As Antra nodded at his question, Willelm didn’t hesitate to stand up and hold his hand out for her. The drunken crowd would likely not notice their absence as they were so deep into their cups of wine. Soon they’d find women, whores, whatever to bury themselves in. When she took his hand and stood up from her chair, Willelm began walking away from the crowd. The castle was huge, filled with endless hallways and so many doors, but he walked towards the large wooden door he had come from, to bring her out into the hallway.

There had to be a balcony or a window he could bring her somewhere so she would get some fresh air. Willelm stayed silent as he walked with her. He didn’t want to make it more stressful for her now, and he felt the need for fresh air himself from how heavy the atmosphere seemed to be now. But then he felt Antra clinging onto his hand as he heard her heavy breaths. That made him stop, turning to look at her while his hand was still holding onto her. He brought his other hand to her shoulder. Seeing her like this upset him greatly.

“Antra, you’re okay. Let me find a place where you can get some fresh air, and we’ll talk. You’ll be okay,” Willelm reassured her as he stroked his hand down her arm.

 

[desti]

When Willelm suggested getting some fresh air, Antra immediately agreed. She felt like she couldn’t breathe from how hot it suddenly felt in here, and, strangely, once they left the Great Hall, that feeling only seemed to heighten. Antra hoped that nobody would mind her absence, but while some had watched her go, most were too busy talking or drinking. That was fine with her.

Once they escaped the crowd, Antra only felt her emotions completely overtake her. The fear, the worry, everything just captured her then as she gripped so tightly onto Willelm, while breathing became increasingly hard. Antra felt dizzy, but when Willelm stopped and spoke, she tried to focus her eyes on him. His words, his touch it all helped her a little, though the panic was still rushing through her veins.

At his words, Antra nodded again and Willelm began walking again until he brought them out onto a balcony. The chilly air made it easier for Antra to calm down a little bit more, but she still didn’t know what to do or how to react to this. She chewed on her lip as she looked around, trying to focus on the sea and think about that, but it didn’t really work.

"I know this isn't what you want, Antra."

“Did you know about this?” Antra blurted out as she moved her hands to grip onto the railing in front of her.

"No. If I did I would have told you a long time ago."

Why hadn’t Brynden told her? He’d never even hinted at it or anything. Antra didn’t want to be angry at him, but she couldn’t help herself at the moment. She didn’t want this, this wasn’t the kind of responsibility or life that she envisioned for herself. Antra wanted a quiet life, somewhere peaceful. Being Queen sounded exhausting and terrifying, and Antra hated the thought of it.

"You're so kind and sweet, Antra. You can't let this ruin you."

“How am I supposed to do this?” Antra mumbled, looking over at Willelm again.

"I won't lie to you and tell you that it will be easy because it won't,” her brother said as he moved his hand to stroke her back.

Obviously Antra realised that and she didn’t really want to listen to Willelm lie to her. She looked away from him again then, as she took a few deep breaths again. Would Antra even make a good Queen? Did Brynden know who would be her Hand? Would she marry soon? Too many questions were rushing through her mind then and they kept making her feel more anxious.

It was so scary and Antra wished that she could just run away from all of this. Perhaps over time she would get used to the idea, but right now it was absolutely terrifying. Maybe at the coronation it’d feel more real and Antra would be more accepting to it, but right now it felt like a bad dream. How long had Brynden planned this for? Did he not think about her feelings about this at all?

Willelm said her name then and pulled her into a hug. Antra immediately wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes as she pressed against him. Tears were prickling at her eyes, but Antra didn’t want to cry and worry Willelm even more, so she stubbornly refused to do that. She felt his fingers stroke her back again and Antra squeezed her arms around his middle.

"You're going to be okay, Antra."

“You don’t know that,” she mumbled.

"I know you're strong. I know you can do this."

“But I’m scared, Willelm.”

"I know. You have the right to be scared, but you're going to be okay."

Antra nodded her head at that, though it was incredibly hard to believe any of it at the moment. It was all so scary, something she’d never been prepared for. Sure, she’d dreamt of it as a child, but didn’t all girls? That didn’t mean that she actually wanted to be a Queen. Antra didn’t know if Brynden thought he was doing her a favour, but she needed to speak to him and tell him what she thought of this.

Though Antra did doubt that there would be anything to fix anymore. If Brynden decided on it, then she wouldn’t be able to change his mind, even if it hurt her. Maybe he thought that this would be good for her, but Antra couldn’t understand that. She couldn’t see herself being happy as a Queen. It held so much responsibility, it was so much work and Antra thought she was too stupid to do any of it right.

“I’m sorry,” Willelm mumbled.

Instead of replying, Antra pulled away from his hug and took a deep breath as she wrapped her arms around herself. Willelm was right, she had to be strong. Antra only barely kept herself from crying and falling back into Willelm’s arms though. She gripped onto the fabric of her dress instead and chewed her lip again, looking around as she tried to keep her breathing calm and her mind calmer.

"You will have people at your side to help you. I'm sure Brynden has this planned out, and if not he's an idiot."

At that, Antra nodded again. Surely Brynden ahd thought this through. He wouldn’t just leave her alone in Wheldrake, right? That didn’t sound like him, even if Brynden was horribly stupid and impulsive at times. Even though Antra didn’t agree with his decision now, she trusted that he would take care of her and help her. He loved her, she knew that. Gods, Antra was frustrated with him now, though.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

The fear Willelm her in her voice didn’t make him any less upset. Antra was such a sweet girl. It surprised him that she had managed to stay that way through everything they had been through. Ever since he had been a child, he could remember her kindness. Though he had often teased her for it, he had always loved her. She was the sweet sister any brother could dream of. If he would be upset, he could always count on her comforting hugs and reassuring words, but it seemed as if those roles had turned now as he had to comfort and reassure her.

As Willelm tried to reassure her, he knew he had to reassure himself. Gods, he hoped and prayed that Brynden had this under control. If he didn’t then Willelm would make sure he’d stay in Wheldrake with his sister for as long as she needed him to stay. Anything else could wait. It would be his duty to make sure she would be safe, that the men and women at her side could be trusted. She’d need that. He knew she would. They had just spoken about home earlier, and now all of a sudden this strange place would be her home, and it would be filled with strangers.

At least the South was not far away, neither was the East. There would be people there who Antra could trust. Willelm wouldn’t be far away from her, and the Southern Lady Carlys who had aided them he hoped would be kind to her new Queen. That was when Willelm realised that they had not spoken much about the West and its current Lord and Lady. What would happen to them? Who would inherit those lands?

So many questions filled his head. Willelm needed to speak to Brynden. Now that the war was over there were so many decisions to make and he worried his brother wouldn’t make the right ones. He didn’t doubt his brother’s judgment, but Willelm knew the man well enough to want to give him some guidance. Brynden’s decision to make Antra the Queen of Aedighar wasn’t wrong, but he should have told them sooner. He should have given Antra time to think about it and get ready for it. Now she had just been thrown into it without much preparation.

“You won’t be alone, Antra. I’d stay here in Wheldrake with you if that is what you need,” Willelm sighed as he broke the silence that had settled between them.

"Could you?"

“Yes.”

Though his duties laid elsewhere, he didn’t mind staying. Willelm wondered what Brynden would have to say to that, or if he would be staying as well. Either way that didn’t matter. What mattered was staying with Antra for however long she’d need it. In the end, he would have to return to the North though, then go East.

"Thank you,” Antra nodded.

“What are you most worried about?” Willelm asked.

Antra looked away at his question before she answered, "that I'll mess something up."

“You won’t. I doubt you will.”

"But what if I do?" Antra chuckled, but it didn’t sound very happy. If anything it sounded sad.

Willelm sighed as he thought about her question. There would be people who would whisper in her ear in an attempt to give their advice and counsel. That didn’t always mean those whispers would be true. Antra would have to be smart and strong, and make her own judgment of things. That way she wouldn’t mess anything up. She would have to trust those who were meant to be trusted and no one else, and Willelm hoped that Brynden would find a good man for her to marry who could help her.

“There are many things that could go wrong, but you are smart and strong. You won’t mess anything up, Antra.”

When Antra nodded without saying another word, all Willelm could do was walk over to her to wrap his arms around her again. He pulled her close to him, holding her tightly in his embrace. Brynden would protect her, and he knew he would too. Though Brynden was stupid for not telling her sooner, he knew he would never want to hurt their sister. Antra hugged him back just as tightly, and Willelm didn’t want to pull away anytime soon. He stroked his hand over her blonde hair, down along her spine. He felt sorry for her, but she had to be strong now.

"I love you,” Antra mumbled.

“I love you too. I will always be here for you,” he said softly as he pressed his lips against the top of her head.

"Thank you."

They stood there, hugging each other and Willelm knew he had to stop being a coward now. If he wanted to help Antra, he would have to grow up as well as she would have to. Now that the war was over they didn’t have time to be young anymore. They had responsibilities now, though hers was much bigger than his, he knew he also dreaded the thought of being a Lord. But he had to push those worries away, and so did Antra.

“Tell me when you’re ready to go back inside. You don’t have to go to the feast. I’m sure they will forgive you if you want to stay in your chambers,” Willelm mumbled.

"Can we stay here for a while longer?"

“Of course.”

Willelm didn’t mind staying here for longer. The nice breeze was comforting and a lot better than the heavy air in the Great Hall. Though he doubted he’d go back there. He’d stay here with Antra until she’d want to go inside, and then he would escort her to her chambers before finding his own. Then he would have to speak to Brynden, but he doubted that would be any time soon. Willelm had to calm down first. He sighed quietly, still stroking her back as he held Antra close. He knew she would be okay.

 

[desti]

Comfort.
Chapter CIV
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar
​

Perhaps it would’ve been the right thing to do, but Antra didn’t return to the feast after her talk with Willelm. She just wasn’t able to do that. Perhaps tomorrow she would be a little bit more comfortable, but right now Antra just wanted to be alone. The moment Willelm left her alone in a room that wasn’t hers, Antra leant back against the door as she finally let the tears spill from her eyes. It was unfair, she knew that was the word she’d been looking for.

While Antra appreciated everything Willelm had told her, she was still incredibly worried about everything. What if the people wouldn’t like her? What if she’d fail? What if she wouldn’t be able to trust those around her? It all frightened her and overwhelmed her to the point where she could barely breathe. Now that Willelm wasn’t with her, it was all too easy to get lost in her thoughts again.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. Antra was supposed to go back to Nilfgaard, they had just spoken about that. She wanted to go back home, but she had a nagging feeling that she wouldn’t see Nilfgaard for a long time. Would Antra even be able to go to Brynden’s wedding? She didn’t know how much freedom she’d have as Queen, but Antra figured that it would be less than what she’d have as a simple Lady.

When there was a knock on the door, Antra figured it was Willelm again. She would’ve liked it to be him. Or perhaps Brynden, so that they could talk. Gods, she needed to talk to her brother desperately about this to find out what exactly this all was, what it meant and what would happen. Antra wiped at her eyes and turned around, opening the door to find neither Brynden, nor Willelm.

“Elias.”

Perhaps it was too obvious that Antra had been crying, because Elias immediately stepped into room, pulling her into his arms as he kicked the door shut behind him. She whimpered a little by accident as another sob threatened to leave her as she wrapped her arms around him tightly. Elias lifted her up then and made the short trip towards the bed, where he sat down with her in his lap.

Antra moved her arms away from his middle then and wrapped them around his neck instead, nuzzling her face against it as she tried to stubbornly avoid crying again. His fingers were stroking against her back and Antra closed her eyes as she tried to calm herself down again now that she wasn’t alone anymore. Not that she was afraid or uncomfortable crying in front of Elias, but she didn’t want him to worry too much about her.

"I heard what happened at the feast."

Had word travelled so fast or did Elias just speak to the right people? Antra didn’t know and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to. She already didn’t want to know just how Elias had found her in this room, since Willelm was the only one who could’ve known where she was. If he’d asked her brother, then Antra wondered what Willelm thought of it. Did it matter?

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want this,” Antra mumbled.

“Why?”

“Why would I?”

"I don't know."

Something about his voice made Antra stop thinking about how her life would change. She pulled away slightly, resting her hands on his shoulders so that she could look at him. Only now did Antra see that Elias didn’t look too great either. She’d been so concerned with herself that his well being didn’t even occur to her. Immediately, Antra felt guilty, pushing her own worries away so that she could take care of Elias instead.

“Elias, what’s wrong?”

"Don't worry, Antra,” Elias shook his head and moved his hands to cup her face.

Now Antra wouldn’t let it go, though. She was concerned about Elias now, worried about him more than she was for herself. Instead of doing what Elias asked, she moved one of her hands to stroke his hair as she kept her eyes on him, “what’s wrong?”

"Nothing. You don't have to worry about it. I want to take care of you."

If Elias was trying to make her care less about him now, then he was failing miserably and just achieving the opposite. Something was wrong, it wasn’t that hard to tell, now that Antra had a good look at Elias. He looked miserable, and she hated that so much. Antra moved her other hand to cup his cheek, refusing to do what Elias was telling her to, “tell me.”

Elias hands weren’t on her anymore and neither was he looking at Antra as he spoke, “he’s dead.”

The first person that came to Antra’s mind was Arthor, because of the scare they’d already had once because of him. Obviously that couldn’t be the case now, or at least Antra hoped that nothing had happened in the South. Instead of wildly guessing and being horribly wrong, Antra spoke again, “who?”

When Elias shook his head, Antra didn’t ask him anything. If he’d want to tell her, then he would. She wouldn’t pester him about it and make him more upset. Her own problems were gone from her mind then, as she solely focused on Elias now. Antra wrapped her arms around his neck again, hugging him tightly against her while she stroked her fingers through his hair.

For a while, it was quiet before Elias spoke up again, "first I'm going to lose you and now I lost Darron. I almost lost Arthor."

So it was Sir Darron that had died. Antra had spoken to him maybe a handful of times and none of it had strayed far away from simple pleasantries. She knew that Elias spent a lot of time with him, after the knight began to teach him how to fight. Antra had wanted to speak to Sir Darron because of that, but she’d never gotten to do it. He must’ve been one of the thousands that had died today. Antra hoped that it had been quick, at least.

“I’m so sorry, Elias,” Antra mumbled as she held him close against her chest.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Once Elias had walked through the endless streets of Wheldrake, trying to count the loss of Northmen, he could only think of one thing now that the war was finally over. There was no doubt that soon he would be riding for Santrella. It wouldn’t be a long ride. The Southern lands were not far away from Wheldrake, and now there wouldn’t be an army slowing him down. He’d likely ride with the few Southern soldiers who had ridden with him to the North. Lady Carlys would want her men back, and Elias doubted he would be able to stay in Wheldrake.

There were so many reasons to stay in Wheldrake now that the news of their new Queen spread faster than wildfire through the crowd. Elias hadn’t been there at the feast, but he had heard what Lord Brynden had announced in front of his men. His victory speech turning into Antra being put on the throne as the Queen of Aedighar. Had the circumstances been different, he would have cheered for their new Queen, but in his eyes, Antra would forever be the woman he had fallen in love with, and now that felt so foolish of him to do.

Now their plan of visiting each other seemed to slip through his fingers. Elias knew he couldn’t continue this with Antra when she would be the Queen. As soon as someone would get a glimpse of what Elias was to her, they would have cut off his head, and though he loved Antra, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to risk his life and her reputation anymore. It upset him because he desperately wanted her, but he doubted they would make it work.

While Elias had walked through the Great Hall looking for Antra, she was nowhere to be seen. None of the Rhyne’s were. Their seats were empty as the people drank and laughed, drunken gossip was being spread around the tables, and Elias was almost tempted to sit down with them and drink the night away until he forgot about Antra. He tried to find Darron then. He knew he would likely be drinking somewhere with the other knights, but Elias couldn’t seem to find him either. Perhaps he was getting rest somewhere, but Elias grew worried.

It felt as if Elias had looked over the crowd a hundred times, but neither Darron or anyone else he knew were there. They were all gone, and Elias had wanted to ask the Eastern Lord or perhaps his daughter Lady Aryana, but they weren’t there. His gaze landed on a few Eastern knights who sat around the table. If Elias remembered correctly, they had sat by the fire that one evening when he’d found Darron. He hoped they knew where he was.

The words Elias had heard then made the world around him blur as his heart sank into his stomach. Hadn’t it been for the knight who had told him pushing him away, he would have stood there by the table and found the nearest source of wine to dull the pain that ached in his chest. Instead, Elias stumbled back, shaking his head slightly as he didn’t want to believe it. They had become such good friends. Elias had loved the company Darron gave him, and now it felt as if he had taken it all for granted as he was no longer with them. Darron was dead.

Elias had been quick to hurry out into the hallways. Now he didn’t care that he wasn’t supposed to be with Antra. He needed her more than anything, but he realised rather quickly he had no idea where she was. It must have been the Gods who heard his worries as Willelm walked around the corner, greeting him as they looked at each other. Elias asked him if he knew where Antra was, only using the excuse that he had some news to tell her as the reason to why he needed to see her.

Willelm must have trusted him enough to believe his words as he told Elias where to go.

It didn’t take him long to stand in front of the wooden door, knocking his knuckles against it as he felt the grief eating away at his flesh. Darron was a good knight. Elias had seen him fight, and he had been so thankful to call him his friend and his teacher. They were supposed to drink and joke with each other now, and though they hadn’t known each other for long, the loss of him had left an empty hole inside of him. It didn’t make sense why he would be dead. Elias didn’t want to understand it, and he knew he needed Antra more than ever now.

As soon as Antra had opened the door, Elias had seen the sadness on her face. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to help her through whatever problem she was having, but it was so difficult to push his own problems away, which only made him feel selfish once they sat on the bed and Antra was the one comforting him. Her fingers stroking through his hair felt soothing, and Elias didn’t want her to stop now though he wished he could help her as well. She must have felt so worried that she was going to be the Queen, and Elias wanted to help.

“He was so kind to me,” Elias mumbled as he nuzzled his face closer to her neck.

Silence settled between them and for once it felt comforting. Elias didn’t like his own thoughts as he worried that Darron hadn’t died peacefully. He wanted to see his body and confirm his death, but he doubted he would be able to do that. Gods, he thought about the horrible things Darron had faced throughout this war, and perhaps he was happier now. Elias hoped so as he felt Antra press her lips against his hand, still stroking his hair.

“I should be taking care of you,” he couldn’t help but mumble to her as he pulled slightly away from her.

It didn’t seem like that was what Antra wanted as she shook her head and pulled him back into her embrace. Elias wanted to cry then. That was pathetic of him to want, but he and Darron had gotten close, shared secrets with each other that no one else knew about. It was stupid of Elias to have felt so attached to him, but he had liked Darron, and now he was gone. Tears stung his in eyes then as he leant his head down against her shoulders, quietly sobbing as he wrapped his arms around her waist, clutching onto her.

“I don’t want him to be gone.”

 

[desti]

It broke Antra’s heart to hear Elias’ sobs and her own problems suddenly felt irrelevant. She didn’t care about why she’d cried just moments ago anymore, as now Elias was her focus. Antra hated seeing him like this, and she wanted to comfort him, though she was afraid that it might not work. Undoubtedly, Elias would need time, as most did when someone around them passed away. Antra would try to be there for him as long as he’d need her.

“I’m so sorry, Elias,” she mumbled.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not. I know you liked him a lot.”

"We had a lot of fun together."

At least that was true and Antra was glad that Elias had made memories with Darron during the short time they’d known each other. She didn’t think it was important or not if they’d known each other for years or for months, it was just important how they had felt for each other and if they made each other happy. They had, according to Elias, and that did make Antra happy and she hoped that it would make Elias happy too, once he’d stop mourning.

“I’m glad you two had each other. Even if it wasn’t for too long,” Antra sighed.

"He was a good man, Antra."

“I’m sure he was.”

Antra did remember how rude Darron had been to Rhea, but if Darron had agreed to help Elias with his fighting and actually made friends with him, then Antra didn’t doubt that Darron was kind and good after all. Otherwise, Elias probably wouldn’t have stayed by his side, nor grieved him like he did now. It was a shame that good men had to die, but that was what happened in war. So many good people had died in the last months, but there was nothing that they could do about it.

"I'll miss him."

“Of course you will, he was your friend,” Antra mumbled.

"I don't want to lose you now, Antra. I need you."

“I’m here, Elias.”

"For how long? A week, perhaps two? I don't want to leave. I don't want to lose you."

Now that the day they would leave each other came nearer, it was harder for Antra to pretend like it didn’t bother her that much. She was happy that Elias would be able to go home, but she’d always been under the impression that she could do the same thing. Instead, Antra would be alone in Wheldrake, faced with duties that she’d never imagined. She’d likely marry sooner than she would’ve otherwise, which also made her incredibly anxious.

“Elias…”

At that, Elias only shook his head and Antra sighed, still holding him close to her. She didn’t really want to think about this too, thinking about her new title and Darron was already terrible enough. If only they could run away somewhere and hide from the world, that’d be nice. Antra knew she could never do such a thing, though, no matter how nice it might’ve sounded in her head.

"What are we supposed to do?"

“There’s nothing we can do, Elias.”

"But I'm in love with you, Antra. How am I supposed to let go of that?"

That made Antra pull away slightly from him, so that she could look at him and move her hands to cup his face. Everything about Elias was perfect and Antra loved him so much, but she knew that she would have to let go of him. Maybe Antra could see him sometime in Santrella, but would that even be wise to do? She feared that once Elias would leave Wheldrake, that would be it.

"Have you told anyone about us?"

“Just Aryana,” Antra mumbled as she stroked his cheeks with her thumbs.

"Would she tell your brother?"

Because Antra trusted Aryana, she shook her head. Unless Antra would ask her to do that, then she doubted that Aryana would tell Brynden something like that. Soon, Antra would do it herself, though. She knew that Brynden had to know and so did Willelm. Antra hated keeping secrets from them, even if she knew that it was safer to keep it away from them. What if they’d be happy for her, though? Or was that wishful thinking?

"I'd likely lose my head if he knew."

“I wouldn’t let him do that,” Antra sighed.

"You think he'd listen?"

“He’d be angry for a while, probably, but I wouldn’t let him hurt you.”

"You can tell him when I have left if you want to."

“I will.”

Once Elias would be in Santrella, Antra didn’t think it would be dangerous to tell Brynden and Willelm then. She assumed they would still be here at that point, or at least she hoped that they would be. Then Antra would just have to sit down with them and tell them about what she had shared with Elias.

"Now tell me what you're worried about."

“It’s fine,” Antra shook her head, pulling him back into a hug so that she wouldn’t have to talk.

“Is it?”

It really wasn’t, but Antra nodded her head anyways. She didn’t want to bother Elias right now, since he had his own problems and she wanted to take care of him right now. There was no need to burden him with such things when he was as upset as he was right now. Elias was stroking her back and Antra sighed as she closed her eyes and tried not to think about all of this too much.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Talking to Antra was supposed to make him feel better, but Elias felt more lost than ever now. Endless thoughts rushed through his mind as he asked himself questions that he knew no one would be able to answer. The Gods were cruel, and the world was unfair. He had travelled all the way to the North to give them his help on Lady Carlys behalf. That was all he was supposed to do, and now he sat with Antra on his lap since they were lovers. It was strange and wrong. He wasn’t dumb enough to believe it would work out between them, but he wanted her.

If Antra would have married some Lord and lived in a small castle somewhere, Elias would have been able to visit her whenever. Now he imagined she would be quite busy with her new responsibility. He didn’t doubt her ability to be a good Queen. If anything he thought it would suit her well. Perhaps the royal life would be exhausting, but she was a kind and sweet woman who the people would love. Elias knew she would be good for Aedighar.

Elias was selfish now, though.

All he wanted was to have Antra for himself. Elias could imagine taking her to Santrella, but if he were to do that now, she would arrive there as the Queen and not as his guest. It wouldn’t be the same, and he selfishly wanted her to marry some Lord instead so he could have more easily stayed with her. He sighed as he stroked his hands over her back then. Losing her would be difficult. He could barely handle the pain of losing Darron, and Antra meant so much more to him than him. He wanted to believe she was the love of his life. It felt like she was.

“Talk to me,” Elias mumbled, pulling away from the hug.

If he couldn’t have her anymore, he at least wanted to help her with this new life she had been given. There were many duties she would have to be ready for. He understood why she didn’t want it as it was likely frightening for her to think about it. Elias knew she was young, but he didn’t doubt her abilities to be a good ruler. He imagined she would have to find herself and then she would realise how this role would suit her, and how good she would be for Aedighar. Perhaps that would take a lot of time, but he hoped he would be able to help her.

"It's fine, Elias."

“You told me you didn’t want it. Talk to me about it,” he said while thinking it would help him bring his mind away from the thought of Darron.

"I don't want to talk about it right now."

“Okay.”

Elias knew better than to bother her with his worry. With his hands wrapped around her waist, he pulled her into his embrace. Hadn’t it been for his duty to serve Lady Carlys, he would have stayed in Wheldrake with her to take care of her, given her his counsel, but that wouldn’t be possible. Instead, Elias tried to focus on taking care of her now as he stroked his hand over her hair, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. Too soon did she pull away from the hug, but he was met by her lips pressing against his, and Elias didn’t complain about that.

Her kiss brought him comfort, making him feel at ease as it made him forget about Darron.

As Elias kissed her back, his hands grasped onto her waist, squeezing her waist gently. Being in the castle felt so different from staying in their tents. There was no cold air around them, no sounds of drunken knights, only them and the warmth coming from lit candles. Her hands cupped his face, and he didn’t hesitate to turn them around to lay her down with her back pressed against the bed, while he leaned over her, kissing her deeply.

Once her hands moved to his shoulders, Elias pulled away from the kiss to look at her. Even when he could see that she had been crying earlier, Antra looked as beautiful as ever. The people would love her.

“I’ll miss this,” Elias said once their gaze met.

"Me too,” Antra nodded.

“I hope you won’t forget about me.”

"I'll always love you, Elias."

“I’ll always love you too, Antra.”

When Antra nodded, Elias leaned down to press his lips against hers again. His body felt heavy from all the aching pain he had because of Darron. Now he thought about the secrets Darron had told him, about Rhea. Elias doubted he had gotten time to tell Antra, then she would have said something by now, but he didn’t think it was his place to tell Antra. Not now at least. He was much too sad to think about the horrible things Darron had gone through, and he only wanted to focus on the sweet kiss he shared with Antra now.

Elias stroked his hand up her waist, along the side of her body while his other arm laid resting against the mattress. The kiss was distracting, but he couldn’t help but think that soon he wouldn’t see her again. It made him upset, but it also made him kiss her a little more desperately as he pressed his body down against hers. How would he ever be able to forget about the love he had for her? It wouldn’t be possible, but he knew he had to. There was no other way, but Gods, Elias wanted her so fucking badly.

 

[desti]

In a way, Antra felt bad for whoever would end up being her husband. She would try to love him, and she hoped that she would, but they would never be anywhere near as perfect as Elias was. He was everything she had ever wanted, even if she hadn’t realised it before. They fit together so wonderfully, and Antra thought she would never be able to stop loving Elias, even if they’d be leagues apart and living separate lives.

At least kissing Elias was distracting enough that Antra didn’t think about how frightening her future sounded. She instead focused on how sweet his lips felt against his, while she moved her hands to his hair. Now that Antra thought about it, she quite missed being in her tent with him. It was so cold when they slept outside and Elias was her source of warmth, which was sweet in a way. Though Antra wouldn’t complain about how comfortable the bed was.

While Antra realised that anyone could barge into the room, she also knew that she didn’t really care all that much about it. It seemed more dangerous to do this with him in the castle than in either of their tents. Elias’ hands squeezed her waist again, and Antra moved her hands to hold his face. When Elias pulled away from the kiss a little, Antra kept her hands on his face, looking up at him.

"I will still send you letters."

“I hope so.”

"Will you have time to send me letters?"

If she wouldn’t, then Antra would just try and make time for it. She imagined she’d be busy, but she’d still have time for herself, right? If not, then Antra might go mad. Though writing a few letters shouldn’t take too much of her time away. At least Antra hoped so.

“Of course.”

Elias rolled off of her then, letting out a groan as he laid back on the bed beside her, "I never thought this would happen when I first met you. I never thought I would get a friend like Darron."

Nothing in life had really went as Antra had thought it would. It had all gone completely away from any plans she’d ever had when her parents had went to Wheldrake. That day had turned her entire life around, even if she hadn’t realised it then. Now nothing was as Antra had expected, and she wasn’t sure if that was better or worse than what she had planned for herself.

“Life is full of surprises,” Antra mumbled as she stared up at the ceiling.

"Good surprises."

“Sometimes.”

"Do you regret this?"

“No,” she said as she looked over at Elias.

There was no doubt that Elias might’ve been the best thing that had happened to her in her whole life. Antra had been happy before the war, but the joy that Elias brought her, the love she felt for him was unmatched with everything else. He had opened up a whole new world for her, and Antra would forever be grateful that she was able to meet him and share this all with him. “Good.” There was a small smile on Elias’ lips then and Antra tried to smile back at him before she looked away from him and at the ceiling again.

"What's wrong?" Elias spoke and continued when Antra shook her head, "I understand if you don't want to talk about it, but let me comfort you."

Though Antra wanted to take care of him most of all, she turned on her side and moved to press against Elias as she draped her arm over his waist. Elias wrapped his arms around her then and pulled her closer against him, pressing a kiss against the top of her head. Antra moved her leg to lay between his as she nuzzled her face against his neck.

"Do you want me to stay here tonight?"

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Elias said as he hugged her tight against him.

“Thank you,” Antra mumbled, kissing his neck softly.

It felt so nice to be in Elias’ arms then, and Antra wanted him to stay with her every night until he’d have to leave for Santrella. She wasn’t worried about being caught anymore, she just wanted Elias to be by her side and help her feel better. Elias stroked her hair as he kissed her head again, while Antra’s fingers moved gently against his side.

“Do you want to rest?”

“I don’t know.”

Once she said that, Elias moved his fingers under her chin as he lifted her head up. Their eyes met for a second before he kissed her. Antra kissed him back softly as she moved her hand to rest on his chest. As they kissed, Elias moved his hand to rest on top of hers, and Antra smiled a little at how sweet it was. Elias was kissing her and stroking her hand and Antra relaxed a little as her worried mind began to calm down just a little bit from how distracting it all was.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Grief
Chapter CV
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar ​

Those words that had been whispered in her ears were harsh. Her body ached as they rang through her mind. Aryana had desperately grasped onto her father as she looked him in the eyes, begging him to tell him that it wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true. As her knees had weakened, she could only grasp onto her father much harsher and tighter than before. Her eyes became swollen and red with tears running down her flushed cheeks. The salty taste of them lingered on her lips as she cried, not wanting to believe the grief that rushed through her veins.

Darron was supposed to come back to her.

They had shared something special the last few days before the war ended. Aryana couldn’t forget about that now as she tried to wrap her head around the thought of him never arriving. At the feast, she had waited for him. She had looked around at the crowd, hoping to see him come down and give her a slight smile before sitting down at the table with her. That never happened. He would never come back. Somewhere out there he laid alone in the night, his body cold and lifeless, and Aryana didn’t want to believe it. Darron couldn’t leave her like this.

All the emotions that rushed through her body were overwhelmed by grief and sorrow. Aryana felt Darron slip through her fingers as she knew he would never come back. They had spoken about seeing each other again, visiting each other once the war was over, but now Darron wouldn’t be there to greet her in the East, and she wouldn’t be able to see him ride through the gates in the North.

What did it all mean?

Aryana couldn’t understand her emotions. It felt as if she had lost someone she loved, someone who she could have loved. Darron had been kind to her. He had shown her sides of him that she had never thought she would see. Those nights they had spent together would never stray far from her mind, but Aryana wondered if she had fallen for the man from how much pain she was feeling now. They had been friends, but what they had shared was intimate, not what friends did with each other.

Gods, Aryana wished Darron was there so they could talk about it. She wanted to understand, but now she was left alone with her emotions, and her questions would never be answered.

The man Aryana was supposed to love was walking away. She saw Brynden leave the table, and she had noticed how distant he behaved during the feast. He was the man she was supposed to care for as her mind seemed to revolve around Darron. There was no doubt she cared for Brynden as she found herself running after him into the hallways of the castle. She wasn’t sure why, but she knew she needed him and perhaps he needed her. Was it only now that she realised what kind of feelings she held for him? Was losing Darron all it took?

“Brynden,” Aryana called out into the hallway as she tried to catch up with him. Tears were still stinging in her eyes.

There was no doubt that Aryana loved Darron, but she felt confused when it came to Brynden now that she found herself running after him, trying to ignore the pain that Darron’s death had given her. It was her duty to take care of Brynden, but now it didn’t feel like a duty. She wanted to take care of him, worrying so much about it him that it was becoming overwhelming and unbearable mixed with the grief. The tears didn’t stop when Brynden ignored her and kept walking, leaving Aryana to keep running after him until she finally could grasp onto his shirt.

“Brynden,” she repeated, pulling at his arm.

Brynden turned and Aryana no longer held onto him from harsh his voice sounded as he spoke, “what?”

“Where are you going?”

"Does it matter?"

“It does. I want to come with you.”

Whatever it was that was bothering Brynden, Aryana wanted to take care of him. Then she hoped he could take care of her. Darron had left her empty-handed with nothing to hold onto. She had no closure, and she desperately wanted that from Brynden. It felt like a mess of a situation to be in. She felt lost as she wanted to grasp onto Brynden for support, but before she could do that, he turned around before he walked away towards the nearest door in the hallway. For a moment Aryana stood there before walking after him as he entered the room.

Aryana stopped in the doorway as he had left the door open, looking at him. Quickly she wiped her tears away before stepping inside and closing the door behind her. Brynden looked angry, but she wasn’t afraid of him as she walked up to him, reaching for his arm again, “Brynden.”

The touch didn’t seem to help Brynden as he pulled away. Aryana raised her brows in confusion as he walked away from her to stand by the window. It should have been easy for her to give up on him and walk away too, but she was so desperate. The aching pain in her was making her stubborn as she walked after him again. She didn’t want to let go of him like Darron had let go of her. There was no way she could leave Brynden, and Aryana stood beside him, looking up at his face as the tears she had wiped away were running down her cheeks again.

“Let me help you,” she whimpered, trying to touch him again as her hand reached for his hand.

 

[desti]

Everything was wrong. When Brynden had dreamt of this day, he had seen himself cheering and smiling along with his siblings. Instead, he had sat at the feast absolutely miserable. Even breaking the news about their new ruler didn’t make Brynden happy. He had left shortly after, because he just couldn’t handle being there anymore. It was so fucking loud and obnoxious and Brynden desperately wanted to be alone.

That wasn’t meant to be, though. He didn’t make it too far away from the Great Hall before he heard a voice behind him. Because he didn’t want to say something stupid to Aryana, Brynden just ignored her and walked on. Aryana was stubborn though, following him until she finally got his attention. Brynden saw that she’d been crying, but many tears were shed today by people all over Aedighar, undoubtedly.

Though Brynden wanted to be alone, he didn’t stop Aryana from joining him in an empty room. He was afraid of saying something wrong or seeming too vulnerable in front of her. Brynden needed to be alone, he knew that. He needed to calm down and then return to how he wanted to present himself in front of people. Now that Aryana was with him, though, he couldn’t do that and he almost wanted to turn around and tell her to leave.

When Aryana offered her help, Brynden didn’t want it. He watched the waves crash against the walls of the city as he pulled his hand away from hers the second her fingertips grazed against his skin. Brynden clenched his fist as he rubbed his fingers against the bandages that were hiding his bruised knuckles. He had killed the King with these hands, it felt wrong to touch Aryana now.

The whole day after everything was done, Brynden didn’t feel anything apart from anger and sadness. He tried to busy himself with helping with things that needed to be dealt with until someone forced him to sit down and have his wounds looked at. The hours had rushed by him and Brynden wasn’t entirely sure where the day had gone when he sat down to partake in the feast.

"What's wrong, Brynden?"

“Everything,” he mumbled before he could stop himself, shaking his head a little as he kept his eyes on the sea.

This time, Aryana’s hand touched his arm and Brynden didn’t pull away. There was something comforting in it, just like the hug he had gotten from Antra during the feast. His body ached so horrible after the battles and all he wanted to do was lay down now, but Brynden stubbornly stayed where he was, staring outside as he tried to calm his mind down while it raced with millions of thoughts.

"Talk to me."

“There’s nothing to say.”

"There must be something."

There were too many things to say, actually. Too many fears and worries that Brynden wanted to confide in somebody, but he didn’t want to do that now, maybe not ever. It would’ve been good probably to clear his mind of all those thoughts, but Brynden didn’t want to do it so he shook his head. Especially not to Aryana, though he was sure that she wouldn’t judge him because of how sweet she was.

"You have to let me help you, Brynden."

“Why?”

"Because you're hurting and I care about you."
That only made Brynden feel worse, because he knew that he didn’t deserve her care. He should’ve died in the Throne room along with the King. Brynden had fucked everything up and he imagined that both Willelm and Antra loathed him now. He hated himself, because he knew that Willelm had been right and the War had torn their family apart. Brynden had been so selfish and hungry for revenge that he’d ignored it until it was too late.

Her hand felt so gentle against his cheek, but Brynden couldn’t stop thinking about the punches he’d received from Trevas. It just wouldn’t leave his mind. Brynden still heard the sickening sounds that had echoed in the room when he kept slamming Trevas’ head against the marble steps. He kept doing it until the King was unrecognizable and not even then did it feel good. After that, Brynden had laid there by his corpse for what seemed like hours until someone dared to come inside the room. Thinking about that made Brynden turn his head away from her.

“I need you.”

Usually, Brynden would find it easy to push his own troubles away and care for those around him. Right now, it seemed absolutely impossible. Brynden felt bad about it, but surely there was someone else in the castle that could help Aryana, if she needed that. He couldn’t be that person, he knew it. When Aryana hugged him, Brynden only felt uncomfortable. He hated that she was stuck with him now. Gods, Aryana deserved so much better than him.

It felt wrong to have her like this. She seemed so desperate to get comfort from him, but Brynden felt so lost and absolutely useless at the moment. Brynden heard her mumble his name and that only made it worse for him. The urge to jump out of the window in front of him was suddenly worryingly high. Brynden was a complete failure.

Finally, Aryana pulled slightly away from him, but then she spoke again, "tell me what's wrong."
At that, Brynden could only shake his head. He felt so pathetic as he stood there and he figured that eventually Aryana would get tired of it and leave. Maybe she’d get angry at him again and leave him alone for weeks. That almost sounded good.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

The last time they had been together in times of sadness, Aryana had gotten a glimpse of the destructive thoughts he had. Brynden had blamed himself for the death of his family. The expression he had on his face now was similar to the one he’d had that day, but now he was much more distant. Though she stood right there with him, she had never felt further away from him before. It was as if Brynden wasn’t in the room with her, and she was desperately trying to grasp for someone who would never let her help. It seemed hopeless.

Aryana thought of leaving, but the thought didn’t stay in her mind for long. She knew her place was here, with him.

It was as if Brynden was losing himself. Aryana could almost feel him slip through her fingers just as Darron had. She was much too stubborn to let that happen, even when he shook his head at her question. If she would have to stand here for the rest of the evening until the sun would rise, she would do that. All this sudden care she held for him was rushing through her, and she couldn’t understand it. Once she had hated him, and all she had wished for was to be rid of him. Now she couldn’t stand the thought of losing him. She wouldn’t allow that.

“Brynden,” Aryana whispered as her hands grasped his face.

Their gaze never met, and somehow when Brynden kept fighting against her, it only made Aryana more desperate. Her thumbs stroked over his cheeks, carefully over his bruised skin. The battle had bruised him well, but she imagined it had done more damage to his mind than to his body. She wondered what he was so afraid of and if it was because of her that he didn’t want to speak, but that didn’t matter. It wouldn’t make her leave.

“Talk to me, please.”

"I have nothing to say to you."

“What do you mean?”

"I don't want to talk."

Aryana sighed as she pulled her hands away from his face, “what do you want, Brynden?”

"I don't know, Aryana."

Hadn’t it been for the grief Aryana felt she would have been angry with him for speaking to her like he did. She would have yelled at him to let her care, but now when the sadness was eating her up, she couldn’t find it in her to be angry with him. Her gaze followed him as he walked away from her. Brynden sat down at the edge of the bed, and she stood there by the window, trying to think of something she could do to help him. Her words would do nothing to him, and he didn’t seem to crave her touch or comfort. Perhaps it was pointless to try.

“Let me help you,” she said as she carefully walked towards him.

That only made Brynden shake his head, and Aryana should have gotten the hint by now, but she didn’t. To her, it wasn’t pointless to try, and she sat down beside him, keeping her hands to herself while she watched him lean over his knees with his elbows against his legs. It hurt her to see him like this even if it made no sense for her to feel such a deep need to care for him. Instead of trying to understand it she focused on worrying about Brynden.

“Please, let me help you.”

There was no answer, and Aryana raised her hand to place it against his shoulder, “I am here for you, Brynden. I will stay here until you talk to me or let me help you.”

Again Brynden didn’t answer her, and Aryana sighed quietly before she leaned her body against his. Her arm wrapped around him as she raised her other hand to stroke his hair away from his face. Since he didn’t pull away from her touch, she kept stroking her hand over his hair, her fingers gently combing through the strands. She hoped her touch would soothe him, but if it wouldn’t then at least, she was trying. That was all that mattered to her, that she wouldn’t give up on him now. She couldn’t give up on him for his sake and her own.

It seemed like hours had passed when Brynden leaned against her, Aryana sat up straight to let him rest his head against her shoulder. He felt heavy, but she would hold him for however long he would need. Her hand stroked along his spine while she reached for his hand with her other. Just as her hand barely touched his, Brynden didn’t let her and Aryana didn’t try again as she put her hand back in her lap.

“Let me know how I can care for you, Brynden,” she mumbled.

When Brynden didn’t answer, it didn’t surprise Aryana. The silence was uncomfortable as it made her head spin with thoughts ridden with sadness, but now she assumed that silence was perhaps what he needed. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer to her. Though she would have liked him to hold her as well, she was selfless now. The loss of Darron hurt, but she had to think about the future. Brynden was her future, and without him, she would have nothing. She would have to push the thought of Darron away for now.

"I thought I'd be happy once it was all over."

“What is making you feel unhappy?”

 

[desti]

Accidentally, Brynden found himself getting lost in her touch. It was comforting, though he deserved none of it. Selfishly, he wanted it, though. Obviously Aryana cared about him, though he almost hoped that she didn’t. He wanted her to hate him again, like she had after he’d fucked Sarisa. Maybe Brynden could go and fuck a whore to piss her off and make her loathe him once more, like he deserved.

When Brynden finally spoke, he both wanted to continue and wanted to shut his mouth forever. He didn’t want to burden Aryana with his thoughts, nor did he want to hear what she’d have to say about them. Brynden figured that she’d just try to tell him that no, it wasn’t his fault and how proud his family probably was. He didn’t want to hear any of it, because he knew that whatever calming sentences she’d say, they’d all just be lies.

“That it didn’t feel good to kill him.”

"What did it feel like to kill him?"

“Like nothing.”

"Brynden, he's dead. You killed him. That is what matters. You should be proud of yourself."

That was exactly what Brynden didn’t want to hear. He scoffed and shook his head as he leant away from her again, looking down at the floor. How could he be proud of any of this? Half his family had died because of his stupid decisions. Just like the King, Brynden regretted all of this. He should’ve swallowed his pride and just bent the knee. Then mother, Rhea, everyone else that had died would still be alive.

“What?”

“I’m supposed to be proud of all this?”

"You did what no man dared to do. I know you have lost people you cared for. I know you have lost many men, but you should be proud of what you have done."

“But I’m not,” Brynden said harshly as he looked over at her with a frown.

That made Aryana scoot away from him and Brynden figured he must’ve either scared her or angered her. Either way, Brynden stared back at her as his hands pulled and tugged at his bandages. Eventually, he turned away because of the sudden shame and guilt he felt. It was unfair to Aryana for him to act like this and it was yet another thing that Brynden could loathe himself for.

"You have the right to be upset, but you don't have to be angry with me."

When Brynden didn’t reply, Aryana continued, "I'm trying to help you, but you're not letting me. I know this must be hard for you, Brynden, but that is why I came here. I want to make it easier for you."

“You can’t.”

"That is because you aren't letting me. You have already decided I can't help you without giving me a chance."

“Because that’s true. You can’t help me.”

"I can care for you. I can comfort you."

“But I don’t want it!” Brynden damn near shouted at her as he quickly got up from the bed again.

"Perhaps you don't want it, but I think you need it."

It was clear from Aryana’s voice that she was getting just as angry as Brynden. He almost hoped that she would stab him, like last time. The thought almost made him chuckle, but Brynden frowned instead as he looked around the plain room around him. Maybe she was right, but Brynden didn’t want to admit that. That wasn’t what he was supposed to do, even if he wouldn’t have felt so pathetic.

When Aryana grabbed his arm, Brynden shook her hand off. Though then she reached for him again and Brynden had no choice but to walk further away from her, since she wasn’t getting the hint that he was over the whole touching thing.

“Let me help you.”

Her voice was raised now and it sounded so absurd that it almost made Brynden laugh. Still, he didn’t budge and kept his back towards her as he returned to the window. That only made Aryana follow him and grab his shoulders, pulling on it a little. Again, Brynden only shook her off as he tried to keep himself from yelling at her again.

"Are you just going to ignore me forever?"

“If you keep this up, then maybe.”

"I'm trying to help you. I care about you, Brynden."

The problem was that Brynden really didn’t care about himself anymore. He frowned as he clenched his fists again, trying to keep himself calm. Again, Brynden felt Aryana grab his arm and he ended up turning around to look at her. He didn’t want to yell at her, he really didn’t, but it was so hard to keep himself in control. Aryana looked just as angry as him, really, and Brynden wasn’t sure anymore if that was what he wanted.

When Aryana raised her hand, Brynden first thought that she’d punch him. He didn’t flinch, but to his disappointment, her hand just went to rest gently on his cheek. Brynden sighed as he looked around the room, his eyes landing everywhere but at her.

"Why are you pushing me away?"

“You don’t have to care for me, Aryana.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Everything was making her so damn angry with Brynden now. Aryana had thought that she wouldn’t have it in her now to grow frustrated with him, but she had. It wasn’t fair that he didn’t let her care for him. All this time she had agreed to give him a chance on the condition that she would let him care for her. Now it was him who refused to let her touch him. Her words had caused more damage than good, and Aryana felt lost. By every minute that passed, she felt more and more hopeless. How was she supposed to help a man who didn’t want to be helped?

Though Brynden was angry with her or himself, Aryana didn’t want to let go of him. Her hand was resting against his cheek, trying to meet his gaze, but even that he refused to do. It was pathetic of her to be so desperate to help him, but she didn’t care. Neither did she care if he found her to be dumb and pathetic. It didn’t matter.

Aryana wanted to understand him, but they were arguing, and it was difficult for her to understand when Brynden only gave her glimpses of what he felt. There wasn’t even a guarantee that what he was saying was true, and still, she kept fighting to know so she could help him. He could tell her over and over again that she couldn’t, but it would only motivate her to try harder. Gods, she didn’t want to give up on him. Not now. If he’d ignore her forever, she’d just work harder until he would finally break and let her help. Even if that was probably a bad idea.

“I want to care for you,” Aryana frowned.

"I don't deserve it."

“You do.”

At that Brynden shook his head, and Aryana moved her hand from his cheek to his shoulder, raising her other hand so she could hold onto his shoulders. She grabbed onto him tightly as she kept her gaze on him. Why was it so hard for him to feel worthy enough for care? He had said so himself that he didn’t deserve to be cared for, but she didn’t think that was true. It was hard for her to understand that he felt that way, but she tried. Was it because he felt guilty like he had said that night after his mother had died? She assumed so.

“Look at me, Brynden,” Aryana said, raising her voice as he refused to meet her gaze.

When he still refused, Aryana cupped his face, repeating her words, “look at me.”

Their gaze met and Aryana forgot all about his injuries as she stroked her thumbs over his cheeks, not as careful this time. Silence settled between them, and then Brynden looked down. That wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted him to look at her. She stroked one hand into his hair where her fingers tangled with it. Only now did she realise how her chest was slightly heaving from how angry he had made her. Gods, she wanted to yell at him still.

"I'm sorry,” Brynden mumbled.

“It’s okay.”

A sad expression rested on his face as Aryana looked at him. That made her wrap her arms around him as she pulled him closer to her. She hoped he would let her. It didn’t matter to her now that he wasn’t hugging her back. All that mattered was that Brynden put his head against her shoulder. She didn’t hesitate to stroke her hands over his back, wanting to soothe him. Then when he wrapped his arms around her, Aryana let out a quiet sigh as she squeezed her arms tightly around him. So many emotions rushed through her then, and it was overwhelming.

“Brynden,” she mumbled, pulling slightly away from him so she could look at him.

Instead of answering, Brynden pulled her back to him, hugging her tightly. Aryana closed her eyes, stroking her hands up to his hair. It was so hard for her to understand him, but it felt as if she was getting closer to finally doing so now that he was hugging her back. She felt his hands stroking over her back, and she no longer felt angry with him. Now they were taking care of each other as they stood there together, and she enjoyed that a lot more than yelling at him. Aryana turned her head slightly then to press her lips against the side of his head.

“I’ll take care of you, Brynden,” she whispered.

Brynden moved his head from her shoulders and before Aryana could react their lips were pressed together. It was unexpected, but she didn’t hesitate to kiss him back as she grabbed onto his shoulders. She kissed him sweetly, quietly sighing into the kiss. His hands were on her waist as they kissed, but though she was sweet with him, the kiss felt almost sad. That only made her kiss him more desperately as she wanted him to feel better.

After a while, Aryana pulled away from the kiss to catch her breath, and she raised her hand to cup his cheek. Brynden pressed their foreheads together, making her part her lips slightly as she leaned forward until she could barely feel his lips against hers. His hand cupped her cheek, and Aryana closed her eyes at his touch. It felt so sweet. It was making her forget all about their arguing, all the yelling and pain. Her hand pulled gently at his hair as she pressed their lips together again, and as he kissed her back so nicely, it made her quietly moan.

All of this was a mess. Aryana knew that they were both upset, and they had all the right to be upset. They should have talked about it, and instead, they stood there kissing each other. She didn’t mind it. It was comforting, and she hoped Brynden felt the same way. Perhaps words wouldn’t help them. She stroked her hand from his hair to the side of his neck then, letting her thumb drag along his jaw as she kissed him.

 

[desti]

Kissing made things better, Brynden knew that. It was better than talking, that was for sure. Kissing and everything that came with it was something that Brynden was good at and he knew it, while talking was something entirely else. When it came to others, he was good at comforting them, or at least he thought so. It was so much harder for him to speak about himself, though. Right now it felt impossible.

Because pulling away might mean that they’d have to talk again, Brynden didn’t plan on doing that. Though, eventually, Aryana pulled away from him. He didn’t want to let her do that, but Brynden wasn’t going to force her to kiss him just so that they wouldn’t have to talk. Aryana was looking at him and he felt her fingers stroke against his cheek. Now that they weren’t kissing, it was too easy to get lost in his thoughts again.

"You're not alone, Brynden."

Could Aryana just not talk? It was all a lot better when she didn’t, because then she couldn’t tell him things that just made him more upset. In an effort to shut her up for maybe a few moments longer, Brynden leant in to kiss her again, holding her face in his messed up hands. Aryana’s hands went into his hair, and Brynden found it harder and harder to think about anything while they kissed.

Accidentally, Brynden remembered Sarisa and what had happened between them. Perhaps if she were here then he’d make that same mistake again. But Brynden wasn’t that angry anymore now that he’d let it out somewhat by yelling at Aryana. Now he was just upset, so dealing with things that way likely wouldn’t work as well.

One of Aryana’s hands stroked down to his shoulder, but soon she pulled away from him again. This time, Brynden moved away to go and sit back down on the bed again so that he wouldn’t have to look at her. Maybe he could tell her that he was tired and that he wanted to sleep. Brynden felt like he wouldn’t be able to do that, though. His mind was racing with so many thoughts, there was no way that he could calm down enough to sleep.

When Aryana sat down next to him, Brynden stayed quiet and stared at the floor again. Would she stay here the whole night? Brynden sighed as he laid back on the bed, leaving his feet on the ground, while he rubbed his palms against his face.

"There is something you should know, Brynden, but I'm not sure if you're ready to hear it."

It sounded like a distraction, and Brynden felt like he desperately needed one. He moved his hands away from his face as he looked up the ceiling, “what is it?”

"It's about Rhea."

Perhaps this wasn’t the distraction that Brynden wanted to hear. He’d just end up thinking about how he was to blame for her death all over again. Brynden sat up at her words again, rubbing his hand against his jaw as he looked around the room. Was it important? Even though he didn’t want to hear it and think about Rhea, perhaps he had to.

“What is it?” Brynden repeated.

"She was pregnant when she died."

It took a little bit before Brynden understood what he had heard. Rhea had been with child? That made no sense to him. Aryana must’ve misunderstood something. That almost made him angry, because now was definitely not the time to lie about his dead sister or whatever Aryana was getting at.

“No, she wasn’t,” Brynden mumbled.

"She was."

When Aryana touched his shoulder, Brynden fought the urge to shake her hand off as he spoke again, “she wasn’t.”

"Brynden, you have to believe me. Rhea was carrying Sir Darron's child when she died."

That made even less sense than her initial statement. Brynden frowned at that as he put everything together and thought about it. It wasn’t hard for Brynden to come to the conclusion that it hadn’t been something Rhea had wanted. He remembered when he’d made them be alone in the forest to gather firewood, and suddenly Brynden felt sick to his stomach. The thoughts made his blood boil as he got up from the bed.

“What?”

"They were lovers."

“They hated each other,” Brynden frowned, already set on his own idea of what had happened.

It wasn’t hard at all to remember how Rhea and Darron had acted around each other. Brynden had thought it was amusing, but now he felt like he had missed something. He had noticed that Rhea acted strangely for a while before she died, but he never would’ve thought something like this had happened to her. Where the fuck was he? Brynden wanted to bash his head in for what he’d done to her.

"They didn't. I thought so too until Sir Darron told me the truth."

“Rhea would’ve never done something like that with him willingly.”

"What are you implying?" there was something defensive in her tone, and Brynden didn’t really know what to think of it so he didn’t.

“That he raped my sister,” Brynden said, and he felt absolutely furious as he spoke the words.

Why hadn’t she told him? Had Rhea been afraid? Brynden wished that she had so that he would’ve been able to help her and deal with Sir Darron. He had hoped that at least the last few weeks of her life had been peaceful and happy, but it seemed like Brynden had been wrong. Fuck, it was making him feel even more miserable than before.

"He would have never raped her. He loved her."

Brynden didn’t believe her words as he shook his head, pacing around the room as he thought about what the fuck he would do now. Obviously, he’d have to find Sir Darron and tell him just what he thought about this and he figured that only one of them would leave that conversation. Right now, Brynden wasn’t listening to what Aryana was saying, as he was already stubbornly clinging to the only explanation that actually made sense to him.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Saying his name out loud had been more difficult than Aryana had expected. The thought of how Darron had died in this battle came to her again, as she spoke of Rhea. They had known each other for years, so long that she couldn’t recall the first time she met him. He was a loyal man, a good man, and when she heard what Brynden was accusing him of, anger rushed through her veins. The words he spoke were unacceptable to her. Darron would have never laid his hand on Rhea like that. She had seen the grief he held for his dead lover and child.

Brynden was only growing more and more distant from her, and Aryana wasn’t sure if she truly wanted to stay anymore. They had kissed, and that had felt nice, but now it felt as if that hadn’t mattered to him. Tears prickled in her eyes as she sat on the bed, watching him pace around in the room. She repeated to herself that Darron was a good man. He had been a good man. He would have never done such a thing. When they had been together, it had been sweet and sensual. Aryana couldn’t see how Darron would have been capable of such a thing as rape.

“Are you listening to me? Sir Darron would have never raped your sister. I saw the love he had for her.”

All that care Aryana held for Brynden was slowly being washed away by the anger she saw from him now. She had loved Darron, and to hear such cruel accusations made her furious. Now she wondered why she had even tried to help Brynden. It was so clear now that he didn’t want it, but she had been stubborn enough to hold onto him. It made her feel foolish and pathetic. They were going to marry each other one day, and now Aryana wondered what that would be like if they couldn’t even speak to each other without yelling.

"There was no love between them. Everyone saw that."

“Then you were blind,” Aryana scoffed.

"Or perhaps you're just gullible."

Those words made Aryana stand up from the bed as she walked over to Brynden. She grasped onto his arm, pulling harshly on his body. Her eyebrows were furrowed as she looked at him. He only responded by pulling his arm away from her just as harshly as she had pulled on him, if not harsher.

"Where is he?"

“He’s dead, Brynden. He died fighting for you, and here you are accusing him of rape!” Aryana screamed at him.

“Good,” Brynden shrugged as he walked over to the bed to sit down.

Aryana turned to look at him then, “good? How dare you say that? How dare you speak of him like that?”

When Brynden didn’t answer her, only shrugged Aryana found him to be pathetic. Was this the man she was going to marry one day? Accusing the man his sister had loved of rape? Accusing the man she had loved of rape? Gods, she couldn’t control herself as she watched him lay down on the bed. Aryana walked over to him and didn’t hesitate to get up on the bed to straddle his hips as her fist clenched. Before she could stop herself, she punched him. Her fist clashed with his cheek, and her knuckled ached at how harshly she had tried to punch him.

There was no real reaction from Brynden. If anything he looked annoyed with her, and Aryana groaned as she got off of him. She didn’t want to be with him anymore. For all she cared Brynden could rot away alone, Aryana didn’t want to stay in Wheldrake. She wanted to leave, run away from her father so he could never force her to marry him. It sounded like a good idea now that she was angry with him for how he was treating her.

“I thought we were finally getting along, Brynden, but you’re pathetic,” she scoffed.

It annoyed her how he wouldn’t speak to her, making her speak up again, “I will leave you and then you’ll never have to see me again.”

A scoff fell from her lips as Brynden stayed quiet. Aryana didn’t bother to say another word. It had been stupid of her to try to help him. He didn’t want her help, and now she wasn’t sure if she even could help him or if she wanted to anymore. All her touches and words weren’t doing anything to him. He had pushed her away, disrespected Darron in front of her, and his words had been so cruel. She stood up, wiping the tears that were running down her cheeks as her breath hitched. Quickly she turned towards the door. She wanted to leave.

The quiet sobs that came from her felt pathetic as she walked towards the door. Now she wished Darron was here to take care of her since Brynden was an idiot in her eyes. But he was gone, and Brynden had said that was good. As she thought of that, she didn’t waste another minute inside the room with him. She opened the door and shut it as soon as she stood in the hallway. It felt as if she was about to lose herself then. Aryana leaned against the door as she brought her hands up to her face.

Aryana was supposed to take care of Brynden, and he was supposed to take care of her, and instead, they had argued, and she didn’t understand why he kept pushing her away. Now she wanted to find her father and tell her that she would refuse to marry him. There as no way she could when he would let her understand him.

 

[desti]

Bonds
Chapter CVI
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar
​

At least spending the night with Elias had been comforting. Though when they woke in the morning, neither of them seemed any happier than they were the previous night. Antra wanted to stay with Elias, take care of him, but she knew that she couldn’t do that. Or perhaps she could? She wasn’t entirely sure what was expected of her that day and Elias didn’t really give a chance for her to do that.

It did upset Antra a little bit, but she understood that Elias was grieving and perhaps he just needed time alone. She could’ve really used his company at the moment, though. Antra didn’t want to be selfish so she only kissed him goodbye and watched him go before she fell back into the bed and debated maybe not leaving it after all. Taking care of Elias wasn’t an option anymore, so Antra didn’t have a great excuse for spending the day in bed apart from her sadness.

It took Antra maybe a little too long to get out of bed, get ready and head to the Great Hall again. She didn’t want to be in public, but it seemed like she didn’t have much choice in that. Brynden hadn’t told her that she had to go, but Antra figured that she did. To Antra, it seemed like everyone in the hallways were staring at her and Antra found herself feeling incredibly uncomfortable.

Now Antra desperately wished that she had Elias by her side or Willelm perhaps, even Brynden who she was still slightly angry with. Just anyone so that she wouldn’t feel so alone. It only got worse when Antra entered the Great Hall, which was already buzzing with life, with servants dancing between the tables and men as they brought in food and drink to break their fast.

Her only happiness came when she saw Willelm. Antra nearly ran over to him. Though on her way, she heard some people refer to her and she gave them a smile, as that was the only thing she could manage to do at this point. There was no way that she could actually talk to any of them at the moment. It was still so overwhelming. When Antra sat down, the hug that Willelm gave her was so very needed that she could’ve cried.

Though then someone spoke again in front of them. A knight by the looks of it stood in front of her as he introduced himself as Sir Serwyn and that Brynden had told him to escort Antra wherever she went as her guard. He would just do so until they’d have an actual Queensguard made. While Antra wasn’t exactly thrilled to hear that she’d have a shadow following her, she smiled and nodded, thanking him and trying to not have that smile fade when Sir Serwyn moved to stand a few steps away from the table.

While servants brought her food, Antra only stared at it on her plate. She felt too sick to eat, although she hadn’t really had anything for two days now. Antra felt like she might just throw it all up if she’d try to take even the smallest of bites. Her eyes wandered over to Brynden’s empty chair and she frowned a little at how he wasn’t there. He could send her a guard, but he couldn’t show up for breakfast? Perhaps she’d just missed him.

They would just have to talk about this sooner or later, if they wanted to or not. Antra needed to talk to Brynden and she thought that maybe he needed to talk to her, too. She turned away from his empty chair then and sat with her hands in her lap as she waited for the moment when it wouldn’t be too rude to leave. As Antra’s eyes looked over the Great Hall, the sight was at least a bit more pleasant than yesterday, though perhaps it was because there were much less people present and they all seemed rather tired.

When Antra’s eyes met with Aryana’s, she wanted to jump out of her chair and head over to her. She controlled herself, though, and only tried to smile at her. It was clear to Antra that Aryana was upset, and she imagined that it was because of Darron. She didn’t know how close they were, but, since Darron had worked for her father for a long time, Antra imagined she grieved him, just like Elias did.

Now Antra had a good reason to leave the table. She touched Willelm’s hand before she got up and walked over to Aryana. Antra tried to ignore the footsteps following her. Brynden had tried to put guards at her tent after Rhea’s death, and Antra had hated the constant surveillance. She figured that now she wouldn’t get rid of it and while Antra was grateful for it, it also annoyed her.

“Aryana,” Antra said, keeping the small smile on her face.

Aryana’s eyes shifted from Antra to Sir Serwyn to Antra again, "are you busy?"

“I don’t think so,” Antra shrugged, “are you?”

"No. I'd like to talk if you have time."

“Of course. In private?”

As private as it could be with someone constantly behind them. Maybe Antra could ask him to lag behind a little bit. That should be manageable, right? Immediately, Antra thought about how she could spend time with Elias if Sir Serwyn would be with her all hours of the day. She hoped that at least during the night he’d leave her alone, but Antra had the feeling that it’d be quite the opposite and that her door would be guarded, no matter how much she hated that.

"Please."

While Antra was a little afraid that she’d let her true emotions about everything show again, she felt like for some reason she was more in control of them now. Maybe because the initial shock had passed and now she desperately wanted to help Aryana. Once Aryana got up from her seat, Antra linked their arms and brought them out of the Great Hall and into the hallways again.

“Is there any place you’d like to go?”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

That night Aryana had only gotten a few minutes of rest. Her whole body ached once handmaidens helped her get ready for the day that awaited her. If she’d had it in her, she would have asked them kindly to leave her. Staying away from everyone sounded so much more enjoyable than being in the middle of a crowd. Most of all she worried Brynden would be there. She wondered if she would ever be able to look at him again. Perhaps she was overreacting, but his words had hurt her, a lot more than his past mistakes had. He wasn’t a good man.

Too often did Aryana think of Darron. It had only been a day, and it felt like he was on her mind all the time. What bothered her was that Brynden hadn’t believed her. Hearing how he had accused Darron of raping Rhea had angered her more than it should have, but it hurt her more that he said that it was good that he was dead.

His death had caused her so much pain. Aryana cried that night the bed that wasn’t hers, clutching onto the pillows and the blankets as her chest ached. They were supposed to see each other again. It had been foolish of her to think that Brynden would have been able to help her, that he would accept the truth about Rhea. She should have known better than to tell him about it, but he deserved to know. So did the rest of the siblings, and she doubted Brynden would tell them as he believed Darron had raped Rhea. She would have to do it.

Keeping secrets didn’t have a purpose anymore. Aryana had kept Darron’s secrets for so long, and she needed someone to talk to, someone that would understand and listen. There were other secrets she knew she couldn’t tell Brynden now. She imagined he would believe Darron had raped her too if she were to tell Brynden about them. That wasn’t what she wanted, and that only left one person to talk to who she trusted and loved.

Antra.

Seeing her in the Great Hall was a relief. Aryana had been so busy that she hadn’t stopped to think about the endless chanting that had happened yesterday as the men celebrated their new Queen. Antra would be a good Queen. She was kind, and Aryana thought that role fit her quite well. It must have come as a shock to most of them, but Aryana knew she wouldn’t be the Queen. Brynden had spoken about their life in Nilfgaard too much for her to believe they would end up on the throne together. Either way, she had never wanted to be the Queen.

As Aryana looked at Antra, her gaze became a cry for help, and it seemed like her friend understood as she rose from her seat, walking over to where she sat. There was a guard following her. Aryana hoped they would be alone, but she doubted that would happen now. That meant she would have to be careful with her words. In the end, they had walked away from the crowd together with the guard following them.

“Is there any place you’d like to go?” Antra asked, and Aryana glanced over at her.

“Anywhere away from the crowd. I have something to tell you, and I don’t want anyone else to hear it,” Aryana said quietly as she leaned closer to her friend, in fear that the guard would hear her words.

Once Antra nodded at her words they entered the hallways of the castle. Aryana thought they were like a maze, easy to get lost in, but since this was Antra’s new home, she imagined she would get used to it. They walked through the hallways together until they finally stopped in a more quiet place. She couldn’t hear the crowd eating their food in the Great Hall now. The only sounds were from the shore as the waves crashed against the cliffs. It was a peaceful sound, but Aryana found herself lost in thought as she sighed, looking at Antra.

“I tried to speak to Brynden last night. It didn’t end well.”

"That's not surprising."

“He was cruel, Antra. I can’t believe some of the words he said. I dread the thought of marrying him.”

"Whatever he said, I'm sure he didn't mean it."

“He told me it was good Sir Darron died,” Aryana said, without explaining why Brynden had said so. There was a guard with them after all. She wasn’t sure if the truth was meant for his ears or not.

"Aryana, I'm sorry about what happened. Sir Darron was a good man."

At that, Aryana grabbed Antra to stand closer to her as she leaned forward to whisper in her ear, “there’s something you need to know about Sir Darron.”

"What?"

Before Aryana said another word, she pulled Antra even closer to her as she took a step away from the guard, hoping he wouldn’t follow. It should have been enough for him to see them and Aryana had no weapons on her if he feared she was to threaten Antra, not that she would ever do that. Quickly she glanced around before she leaned forward again. Gods, she hoped Antra would accuse Darron of rape as well.

“Rhea was pregnant when she died. Sir Darron and her were lovers,” she whispered.

That was the truth. Though Darron could have easily lied to her, she doubted that. Aryana had seen how broken and lost he had looked when he was locked up in a cage. She had seen the way he talked about her, his voice filled with grief and love. There was no way Darron had raped Rhea. That wasn’t the Darron she had known, and Brynden as stubborn and stupid for thinking that Darron would have done such a thing.

 

[desti]

There was something that Aryana wanted to tell her and that immediately made Antra curious. Since it was connected to Sir Darron, Antra didn’t exactly know what to expect. It definitely wasn’t anything even close to what Aryana said just moments after. It was hard for Antra to wrap her mind around what Aryana had just told her.

It made no sense to Antra how that could’ve happened, and it made her suddenly upset that Rhea hadn’t told her about it. During the war, they’d spent much less time together, which Antra regretted now. It was no surprise that Rhea hadn’t thought to tell her about this, though Antra thought she would’ve told her about Elias straight away. But out of everyone, Darron?

Obviously Antra hadn’t forgotten just how hateful they seemed to be when it came to the other. She still remembered how sour their first meeting had went, and it surely didn’t seem like things had gotten better over time. Antra was under the impression that they had hated each other, but now Aryana was telling her the opposite. Gods, had she really been with child?

The way Rhea had died only made knowing all of that worse. She’d been so alone and died such a horrible death. Antra was getting better at thinking of Rhea alive, but sometimes those memories of that morning still crept up on her. She barely even felt Aryana’s hand on her back as she stood there with her mind racing. Antra remembered that someone had seen Darron leave Rhea’s tent. Everyone had thought it was because of the obvious, but if Aryana said that they were lovers…

Maybe it took Antra a little too long to really think about this. Why hadn’t Rhea told her? She would’ve been so happy for her to have found someone like that. Obviously that wouldn’t have changed anything, but Antra still wished that Rhea would’ve trusted her. Either way, Rhea was gone, Darron was gone and their child was gone as well. It was all so tragic and Antra suddenly felt so lost as she stood there.

It was so stupid of her to cry about silly things that should’ve made her feel grateful. Antra was still alive, Elias was as well. In a way, she supposed she had a happy ending or would eventually get one once she’d get used to her new title and place. Rhea hadn’t had that luxury, and that made Antra feel incredibly guilty and spoiled. Though Antra wanted to cry now, she stubbornly stopped herself, taking a few deep breaths as she tried to calm down.

“I thought they didn’t get along. I suppose I was wrong.”

"I thought so as well, but Sir Darron told me the truth."

“Rhea never said anything to me,” Antra mumbled, and she hated how almost offended she sounded when she spoke.

“I’m sorry.”

At that, Antra only nodded as she looked around the empty hallways. She found it hard not to tear up at the thought of Rhea, but she managed to stay calm and keep herself under control. It was all so much to take in and Antra didn’t doubt that she’d think about it often from now on. How could she have not noticed any of this?

“Have you told anyone else?”

"I tried to tell Brynden."

“And that’s why he said that about Sir Darron?” Antra frowned.

“Yes.”

That was horrible. Again, Antra found herself growing angry with Brynden. She understood that he was upset and tired, but that didn’t give him an excuse to say something like that. He was protective, which was why Antra knew it’d be best to wait until Elias left until telling Brynden about this. But being glad about Sir Darron dying? That was too much.

“That’s horrible.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does. Why would he say something like that?”

"He said Sir Darron had raped her."

“What? Did you tell him everything?”

“Yes, I told him they were lovers and he didn’t believe me.”

Sometimes Brynden was a lot too stubborn and ignorant for his own good. Antra couldn’t help but roll her eyes as she heard that. Brynden should’ve known better, should’ve listened. Antra believed Aryana that Rhea and Darron had been lovers, even though it was hard to wrap her mind about it just yet and forget how hateful they’d seemed. Brynden had to do the same.

“I guess that makes sense.”

“I promise that Sir Darron would have never done something like that.”

“I believe you. Eventually, Brynden will calm down, too.”

“I hope so.”

“I promise.”

Maybe if Antra would talk to him, then Brynden would once again listen to her. What Brynden had said about Sir Darron was awful, and Antra wanted him to apologise to Aryana about it. Now that took priority over the other conversation Antra wished to have with him.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Telling Antra was undoubtedly easier than talking to Brynden. It had felt impossible to reach him, and Aryana had tried so hard to comfort him while attempting to understand him, but nothing had seemed to work. Hearing how he felt about Darron dying had made her angry with him, but now she felt mostly disappointed. It was clear that they had the same values in life, and that they shared certain interests, but when it came to emotions, Aryana felt as if they would only argue. Again their marriage wasn’t desirable to her anymore.

Aryana wanted to believe Antra once she said Brynden would calm down. Had it been someone else who told her that, Aryana wouldn’t have trusted them, but this was Antra. She knew Brynden better than anyone else probably, and Aryana decided that soon enough she would try to speak to Brynden. They had to fix it even though she worried their marriage would end up miserable. Giving up wasn’t an option anymore, though she had wanted to do that yesterday while she’d been so angry. She would have to try, and she only hoped Antra was right.

“Sir Darron told me that she was the love of his life,” Aryana mumbled.

When Antra only nodded at her words, Aryana wondered if she should have stayed quiet about Darron now. It upset her to talk about him since he was no longer with them, but she also found great comfort in talking about him. Perhaps it was the topic of Rhea that bothered Antra. Aryana thought she looked a little sad, which only made her stroke the back of her friend in an attempt to soothe her.

“He was a good friend. I miss him,” she sighed.

"I'm sorry, Aryana."

“It feels strange not seeing him anymore.”

Antra wrapped her arms around her, and Aryana was quick to pull her closer, wrapping her arms tightly around Antra. Hugging her felt comforting, but she knew that nothing would make the aching pain go away. It wasn’t fair that Darron had died in a battle, fighting for Brynden who had accused him of such horrible things. Aryana only hoped that his death had been quick, but she doubted it had been very peaceful. Though she knew he hadn’t been very happy with his life, she selfishly had wanted him to come back to her. Perhaps he was happier now.

“How are you feeling?” Aryana asked as she pulled away from the hug.

It made Aryana worried when Antra only shrugged at the question. She imagined it must have felt stressful for her with such a sudden and big responsibility, but Aryana knew that Antra would be a great Queen. There as no doubt about it, and she hoped that soon enough Antra would know that as well if she stressed about that.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

"No, it's alright,” Antra said, smiling as she shook her head.

“You know you can talk to me if you need to.”

"I know. But it's fine, really."

A slight smile rested on her lips as Aryana felt Antra stroking her hair. It reassured her enough to not worry too much, but she knew she would find it difficult not to. She cared so much for Antra as they had grown so close over the time of the war. Soon they would be sisters through her marriage with Brynden, and she hoped she would be able to visit Antra often. They would be so far away from each other though, so maybe that would be difficult, but she doubted Brynden would deny her from travelling to Wheldrake from time to time.

“I’m glad I have you, Antra.”

At that Antra hugged her again, and Aryana chuckled quietly as she hugged her back. Antra was holding her arms around her so tightly, and it felt nice. She would for sure miss her once she would have to leave, but she hoped that Antra would be able to visit her as well. Life in Nilfgaard would be strange, but she would get used to it as long as she would manage to fix her relationship with Brynden.

"Do you know how long you're going to stay in Wheldrake for?"

“I don’t know, but I think it depends on Brynden.”

"I'll ask him then."

“Will you come with us?”

"Probably not."

That was what Aryana had expected, but it was upsetting to get it confirmed that Antra would come with them. It seemed like it was upsetting for Antra as well. Aryana tightened her grip around Antra then, stroking her hand over her hair. Now Aryana only hoped they would stay for a while longer, but it all depended on Brynden. Perhaps he wanted to stay as well, but she wasn’t sure. Hopefully he would talk to Antra though since it didn’t seem like he had wanted to talk to her at all.

"I'll miss you."

“I’ll miss you too, Antra.”

There was no doubt that Aryana would miss Antra, but they would be okay. She at least wanted to believe that they would be okay. Aryana knew she would try her best at staying in touch with Antra. They had to. She couldn’t imagine losing her and the friendship they had built.

 

[desti]

Goodbyes.
Chapter CVII
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar
​

It was strange to wake up and know that Elias would be gone in just a few hours. He wasn’t there by her side anymore and the bed felt so big and lonely then. Antra had been given different chambers to sleep in every night until she was finally settled into the proper ones. It was such a large room, much larger than any bedchamber in Nilfgaard. It was completely overwhelming, and without Elias it felt lonesome and uncomfortable.

Like Antra had thought, there were guards at her doors constantly. It turned out to be easier than she thought to have Elias come to her in the evening or leave in the morning. Antra had told the guards to mind their own business in the most polite way possible, though she still feared they might tell Brynden. That hadn’t happened yet though, much to Antra’s relief.

Once Elias would leave, Antra would speak to Brynden about him. She’d already talked to him in the last few days, and he was seemingly slowly returning back to normalcy. Antra thought there was still an edge to him, so she figured the conversation about Elias might have to wait a bit longer until everything else was cleared up and Brynden wouldn’t become too angry about it.

Because of how uncomfortable she managed to get whenever she was in the Great Hall alone, Antra had asked for her breakfast to be brought to her chambers. It was much better than desperately waiting for either Willelm or Brynden to join her at the table so that she wouldn’t sit there alone. Though Antra felt like she barely ate from how anxious and upset she felt.

After what Aryana had told her of Rhea, Antra tried to be a lot more calm about her predicament than before. She tried to understand it better and listen to what Brynden told her. He was better prepared for it than she had initially assumed, and that made her both proud of him and glad that she wouldn’t have to deal with as much things as she initially thought. Brynden had already put together a list of names for the Small Council and all Antra had to do was get to know them.

For now, everything seemed alright, but Antra heavily relied on her brothers and others around her to help her and guide her. This was only the beginning, though, and Antra figured it would only get harder from now on. Soon, she wouldn’t have her brothers by her sides, but then perhaps she’d have a King that would be much wiser than her. It was just a shame that it couldn’t be Elias.

In one of the previous days, Antra’s clothes had finally been brought to the castle, but her new handmaidens made their thoughts clear that they were too plain. Antra didn’t agree, but the handmaidens still insisted on getting her more dresses. She supposed it was nice of them, but Antra felt slightly uncomfortable. At least the dresses were pretty, Antra couldn’t deny that.

They hadn’t told her what time Elias would leave, but Antra figured they wouldn’t let him leave without her being there. Perhaps that’s why she took so long to get ready for the day, just so that Elias would be in Wheldrake for a few moments longer, even if it wasn’t with her. Eventually, there was nothing else for Antra to do but to exit and walk through the halls, with a guard following her not too far away.

The Gods blessed her then, because when Antra walked around the corner, she saw Elias and her face immediately lit up. She was afraid they wouldn’t get a moment alone, since they’d say goodbye in front of everyone. Though Antra had a guard with her, this was still better than nothing. Antra quickened her pace to catch up with him.

“Antra.”

“Elias,” she sighed as she wrapped her arms around his neck to hug him tightly.

It was a little bittersweet to hug him now, but Antra tried to not think too much of the future. Perhaps Elias would find someone else in the South, that would make Antra happy, or at least she thought it would. She knew she would miss him so much, but Antra would just try and think of all the happy memories she shared with him. In the end, it would be alright and she’d never forget him.

“Hi,” Antra smiled as she pulled away a little so that she could look at him.

"I wasn't expecting to see you now."

“I wasn’t expecting you either, but I’m not complaining,” Antra shrugged.

"You look happy."

“I’m happy to see you,” Antra smiled.

"That makes me happy."

Maybe Antra shouldn’t have, but she leant up to press her lips against his. It was too tempting, and Antra feared she might not get a chance to do it later. Now that their only audience was the guard behind her, Antra didn’t feel like what she was doing was too wrong. Or perhaps Antra was getting too comfortable. Did it really matter anymore, though? Elias would be gone soon.

At first, Antra thought Elias wasn’t too into it, but he kissed her back then and wrapped his arms around her waist as she moved closer to him. She figured this might be their last kiss, so Antra wanted to enjoy it as much as she could. Who knew if Antra would ever truly be able to see him again like this, as everything had grown a lot more complicated since the day they spoke about her going to Santrella.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

When it was finally time for Elias to leave Wheldrake, he wondered if he’d miss the Rhynes more than he had missed Santrella while he had been gone. Santrella was his home, and the Hastwycks were like a family to him, but he had grown attached to the Rhynes, their people and their culture. He knew he likely would have never survived it without the respect he had been given because of his position, and neither would he have survived it without Antra, but he had still enjoyed his time with them. They had been so kind to him and treated him well.

Elias knew he would never forget about them.

The journey hadn’t always been pleasant, but Elias felt as if it had all been worth it. He was thankful for everything that had happened, even if there had been tragedies he would have liked to avoid. Antra was someone who he would never forget. Never had he imagined to meet her and fall in love with her, but he didn’t regret anything. Even if he would never fall in love again, or never meet a woman like her, he was glad that he had gotten to experience their relationship. It had been worth it even if it pained him that he had to leave her now.

Once Elias would leave he wondered if Antra would be able to move on from him. That would be for the better now that she would marry soon and be the Queen of Aedighar with a King by her side. He didn’t think he’d be jealous, but he wasn’t sure. It only bothered him a little that she wouldn’t be with him, but he knew that there was no possible way for them to be together and as long as Antra would be happy, Elias would be happy as well.

Getting ready to leave was difficult, and Elias knew that outside there would be a horse waiting for him with the few Southern men who had survived the war. It would all become so real then, but even as he walked through the hallways of the castle, his legs felt heavy, almost like his body didn’t want him to get outside.

Seeing Antra then made it all a little easier for Elias. She looked happy which immediately made him feel happier, but it also made him feel sad. This would be the last time he’d be able to see her like this. If there would ever be a next time, she’d likely be married, perhaps she would be carrying her husband’s child in her belly or have a child tugging at her dress. Elias would cherish this moment, even though the guard following her made him hesitant to do anything. As soon as they kissed though he felt more at ease, knowing that it didn’t matter if someone saw.

Elias kissed her almost desperately, tightly squeezing his arms around her waist, knowing he wouldn’t be able to kiss her again. A part of him wanted to pull her with him to some room where he could enjoy her for the last time and give her something to remember him by, but that was much too inappropriate of him to think. Instead, he kissed her deeply, not wanting to let go of her until he knew he had to.

“You have no idea how difficult this is for me,” he mumbled, raising his hand to cup her cheek.

The silence from Antra was both comforting and unsettling. It was reassuring once she stroked his cheek, but Elias felt so lost in her gaze while his upsetting thoughts rushed through his mind. There was nothing good for him to say about the situation. They had talked about it a lot, but that didn’t make it any easier for him. He knew that as soon as he’d arrive in Santrella, he’d feel a little better, but the journey there would be dreadful, knowing he was leaving the person he loved. Elias leaned down to kiss her again, moving his hand into her hair.

Since Elias was so used to his life with her, he imagined it would feel strange without her. Deep down he knew he would be okay in the end, but everything seemed hopeless now. Antra kissed him back with her hand resting against his cheek, and it only made the need to get some privacy grow bigger.

“I wish I could stay here with you,” he whispered, barely pulling away from the kiss.

"I wish you could,” she smiled.

“I’m sorry that I can’t.”

"It's not your fault. It's alright, Elias."

“I know, but I don’t want to leave. I just hope you’ll be alright and that you’ll be happy.”

"Don't worry about me, Elias."

That wasn’t exactly easy to do when Elias cared so much for her. Antra had become so important to him that it seemed impossible not to worry. Knowing that she would be alright and happy would make it easier for him, and he hoped that Antra would tell him if things weren’t alright. Obviously he wouldn’t be able to help her much, but if she wasn’t happy he wouldn’t hesitate to leave Santrella for a few weeks to stay with her in Wheldrake.

“But I do worry about you. I want you to be happy,” he sighed.

"I'll try, Elias. It's going to be alright."

“Promise me you’ll write to me if something is wrong.”

"Nothing is going to be wrong."

It was so easy for Elias to imagine horrible scenarios where Antra would get hurt or wouldn’t be happy, but her words were reassuring, and so was her touch. The smile on her face made him feel at ease, and he leaned his head slightly towards her hand as she stroked his cheek. Now he could only hope that she was honest because he didn’t want anything bad to happen to her. Antra deserved kindness and love.

“Good. I believe you.”

 

[desti]

Maybe it would be wrong, but Antra thought that she wouldn’t tell Elias if there was anything wrong in Wheldrake. She knew she would write him letters, but she’d only write him about the good things or the boring things. There was no need to worry Elias about her private life or whatever else would upset her. Obviously, Antra hoped that she wouldn’t have to keep the truth from him, but that was just in case that she did.

At least Elias believed her then and Antra watched him lean his head slightly against her hand. He was so beautiful in every way, and Antra wouldn’t be able to explain to anyone how much she would miss him. She smiled though as she watched him, stroking her fingers against his skin as she kept her eyes on him. It was so unfair that Elias had to leave, but at least they were both alive and perhaps they’d find happiness elsewhere. Antra hoped so, at least.

“I’ll always love you,” Antra said quietly.

"I'll always love you too, Antra."

Perhaps it would’ve been for the best if they both moved on, but Antra didn’t know if that’d be possible. Then again, maybe she was just young and naive, but she truly felt like Elias was the one for her. Maybe he felt the same about her. Either way, Antra didn’t think that she’d ever love someone as much as she loved him. Elias was just so special to her, nobody would be able to replace him.

With that, Antra wrapped her arms around him again as she hugged him tightly. Elias’ hands were on her waist and squeezed around it. As much as Antra didn’t want to pull away, eventually she did, moving her arms away from him. She watched as Elias looked away from her, and Antra felt as though silence would quickly become uncomfortable in this situation.

“Are you going to be alright?”

"Yes, don't worry."

Antra nodded at that, “good.”

"Do you think they're waiting for us?"

“Probably. I’m sure they can wait a little while longer, though.”

“Good.”

Obviously nobody would leave without Elias and Antra figured that nobody would be too mad about him being late, if he really was. He could think of an excuse, if Brynden would decide to get annoyed by this, though Antra doubted it. They could steal a few more moments away together, she was sure about that. With that, Antra took a step towards him again and leant up to kiss him some more.

The kiss became needier, but Antra didn’t really mind. She pushed her hands into his hair, stroking it gently as she kept kissing him. Then Elias pulled away and kissed her forehead, which made her smile up at him. She’d miss all the little things that he did that made her so happy. It would be so strange to not have him around anymore, but Antra tried to not think too much about it just yet and ruin their last moments together.

"I will come to visit you soon enough."

That didn’t sound like a great idea. If anything, it sounded safer for Antra to go to Santrella, rather than for Elias to come to Wheldrake. She still didn’t know much about who she was going to marry and she feared that having both Elias and her husband in the same place wouldn’t end well. Antra didn’t even know how Elias would react to her having a husband in the first place or what kind of man she would marry.

But Antra still smiled at him as he said that, nodding her head, “alright.”

"We should probably go."

Again, Antra nodded, but stayed still, “we probably should.”

At that, Elias nodded and began walking, Antra joining him quickly by his side. She heard the guard resume walking behind them as well. Though Antra wanted to hold onto Elias, she resisted as she instead looked down at her shoes as they walked down the hallways. While Antra stayed quiet, so did Elias. The silence wasn’t as uncomfortable as she thought it would’ve been, but it was slightly upsetting and she hated that.

The quietness of it all made Antra think a little bit too much. She wouldn’t cry, though, not yet at least. When Elias was gone, then she could let it all out. Now she was trying to stay positive as she walked next to Elias. What were the odds of them truly meeting again? The letters seemed plausible, possible, but actually coming face-to-face again? Antra tried to shake those thoughts away as she looked up at him again as they walked.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Antra."

Before Antra could really answer, they walked outside into the courtyard and too many eyes were on her then. She only smiled slightly at Elias before she found her spot between Brynden and Willelm. Now that Elias wasn’t by her side, it was harder for her to keep the smile on her face, so she stopped trying. Antra’s eyes looked over the horses and the men, all ready for the travel back to the South.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Everything did become more real when they stepped outside. Elias saw the man holding his horse that was saddled up and ready to be mounted. The Rhyne brothers were standing there, and he remembered the first time he had seen them. He had been so nervous that he wouldn’t be good enough, but he had managed to stay with them throughout the war, and he hoped he had given them good advice. It would definitely be strange not to see them around either, though he had mostly been around Antra, he would miss Brynden and Willelm as well.

Soon Elias would be in Santrella, and everything would feel much better than it did now, but he couldn’t help but feel sad that this was all ending here. All the fun experiences he’d had were lingering on his mind as he stopped in front of the Rhyne siblings. Once they had been people he’d read letters about, or a name he had only seen in books, and now they felt a part of his life in a strange way. Elias knew if he would have served House Rhyne instead of House Hastwyck, he would have felt like they were his family just like he did with the Hastwycks.

Gods, it would be strange, but Elias smiled as he looked at the three of them.

Antra seemed to try to smile back at him, but Elias understood that it must have been difficult for her. It was difficult for him as well. Though he had said he would visit her soon enough, that wasn’t something he could promise. Either way, he hoped he would be able to, or that he would be able to see her again whether that was in Wheldrake or in Santrella. His gaze travelled to Brynden as he spoke, and Elias smiled at him as well.

Simple pleasantries were being exchanged, but Elias still appreciated them. He thanked Brynden for everything, wanting the Lord to know how grateful Elias was. Then he turned towards Willelm who had a slight smile on his lips. Elias thanked him as well. Though he wasn’t close with the two brothers, he almost felt the need to give them both a hug, but Elias didn’t. He didn’t want to make it uncomfortable in case they didn’t feel the same way about him as he felt about them. Therefore Elias looked at Antra, at last, feeling his smile fading slightly.

Elias stepped forward, taking her hand in his as he leaned down while raising it. His lips pressed gently against her knuckles while he squeezed her hand.

When Elias let her hand go to stand up straight, he met her gaze, trying to smile at her while she seemed to be doing the same. It felt weird standing there in front of her with her brothers not so far away. He couldn’t kiss her, neither could he pull her into a tight hug. It would look strange, people would stare and whisper, Elias didn’t want to ruin her reputation even if he wanted to kiss her now.

It didn’t seem like Antra had the same worries as him though. Soon after Elias had pulled away, Antra wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug and he couldn’t resist. He hugged her back, burying his face into her hair as his arms squeezed around her waist. Who cared what the people would think?

"I'll miss you so much,” she mumbled.

“I love you,” Elias whispered.

“I love you too.”

At that Elias hugged her tightly, holding her so close to him before he let her go. There was a smile on her face as Antra stepped back, but he didn’t find it in him to return it. Gods, he wanted to pull her back and kiss her one last time, but he knew he couldn’t. That wouldn’t end well, and the hug had already been suspicious enough. Elias looked away from her then as he turned around. If only he could have stayed with her. He didn’t want to leave.

Walking towards his horse seemed to take forever. His steps were so slow as all he wanted to do was turn around and walk back to Antra, pull her into his arms and tell her that he wouldn’t be leaving. It was for the better if he left though. Elias kept telling himself that as he slowly but surely reached his horse. As his hands grabbed onto the saddle, he turned around to face Antra again, looking at her, wondering if this would be the last time he’d see her.

Only then did Elias manage to smile at her before he sighed, mounting his horse as his feet found the stirrups. His hands grabbed the reins, and he turned his horse slightly so he would be able to look at Antra again, and it was probably getting so obvious that he was staring longingly at her. When she smiled back it reassured him that it would be okay, and Elias gently nudged his horse forward, walking away from Antra and her brothers.

To not make it more difficult for himself, Elias didn’t look back at her again. He knew it would only make him turn around and go back to her. They’d had their moments together, and he knew he would never forget about her and never stop loving her. Their memories would forever linger on his mind, and he would cherish those memories until the end of his days. He prayed that whoever would be lucky enough to marry her would be kind to her and that Antra would be happy with him. That was the most important thing.

 

[desti]

Little Talks.
Chapter CVIII
House Hastwyck
Sow knowledge, reap wisdom.
Santrella, Southern lands of Aedighar
​

Maybe it was stupid of Adian to so quickly grow attached to Lady Leanah, but he couldn’t help himself. After how all over the place their first meeting had gone, he’d been understandably worried about it all. Adian was afraid that Leanah would never feel comfortable around him, and he desperately wanted to avoid that. He tried to be respectful and kind to her at all times, and it seemed like there was progress.

Over time, Leanah began to loosen up a little bit. It seemed like she was becoming a lot happier and Adian wondered if it was because she was beginning to feel at ease with him or if it was something else. Either way, it made him happy in return. He liked their meaningless chatter about perhaps silly things, and Adian enjoyed getting to know her and what interested her.

Often Adian caught himself thinking that this wouldn’t be bad at all. It wasn’t hard for him to imagine that he’d be happy spending the rest of his life with her. They still didn’t know each other that well as it had only been a few weeks now, but Adian already liked Leanah maybe a little too much. She was so kind and sweet, not to mention absolutely stunning.

Now Adian had to hold himself back so that he wouldn’t steal Leanah away for the whole day. He wanted to spend so much time with her, but he also respected that she probably had better things to do than be with him. Though Adian was usually the one to initiate their meetings, he still let things go like Leanah wanted. He didn’t force his company upon her, even if Adian would’ve loved to spend more time with her.

Overall, Santrella seemed like a nice town as well. Whenever he wasn’t with Leanah, Adian was trying to figure his way through the streets and get to know them. It was exciting to discover Santrella, though Adian had gotten lost a few times, just like expected. That was alright, though, and in the end he got quite a few laughs out of his stupidity.

The castle was also something that Adian was trying to get the hang of. He didn’t quite like walking the halls alone, though, he very much preferred to have Leanah by his side then. So again, Adian’s mind strayed back to her, like it often did. He didn’t mind, though, and suddenly the urge to see her became unbearable. Hopefully Leanah wasn’t busy and would like to spend some time with him.

Now Adian walked alone to where he knew that Leanah’s bedchamber was. Sometimes he escorted her to it after their walks, so Adian knew where it was. He thought it wasn’t appropriate for him to be in there just yet, though, so he usually stayed by the door as he bid her goodnight. Maybe Adian should’ve been a little bit more bold, perhaps he should even steal a kiss from her at one point, but he felt like that wouldn’t be right.

For whatever reason, Adian felt his heart beat faster as he stood in front of Leanah’s door. He always found himself a little nervous when he went to speak to her, perhaps out of fear that he’d embarrass himself somehow. It was a little silly, but that’s how Adian was and he couldn’t really do anything about it. Instead of thinking about everything that could go wrong, Adian raised his hand and knocked on her door. When Leanah opened the door, Adian couldn’t help but smile at her. She was smiling back at him and it made him so happy to see that.

“Lord Adian.”

“Lady Leanah,” Adian said, nodding his head a little, “how are you?”

"I'm good. How are you?"

“I’m great. Are you busy?”

Perhaps Adian had arrived a little later than he should’ve. The sun was already setting when he left his room to go to hers and suddenly he felt foolish for coming to Leanah this late. Maybe she wanted to sleep, rather than spend time with him? If that was so, then Adian would apologise and leave her alone.

“No.”

As Leanah said that, she opened the door a little more and stepped to the side, inviting Adian in. He looked at her once more before he accepted the invitation and took a few steps into her room. It didn’t seem too different from his temporary room, though it was obviously larger. He figured that they’d be living here once they’d be married, unless Lady Carlys would move them into an even bigger bedchamber.

“I thought we could spend some time together, if you’re not too tired,” Adian shrugged, turning back to face her with a smile.

"I don't mind. I'm not tired."

That made Adian glad to hear and he couldn’t stop smiling as he watched Leanah close the door. He did feel a little bit awkward in her room, as he wasn’t sure what would be appropriate of him to do and what wouldn’t be. Instead of sitting down anywhere, Adian stood a few steps away from Leanah.

“How was your day? Anything exciting happen?”