scoorpiuuss
uhm
Having Arthor in his presence became unbearable. Elias wanted him to walk out the door and never come back. Somewhere in the mess of his chamber there had to be something sharp enough to pierce through his skin, but he would never get that far with Arthor watching over him like a hawk. Elias wanted loneliness to swallow him whole. That sounded pleasant now.
“I wouldn’t.”
If Arthor had continued to ignore him for the rest of their lives, Elias would have never gotten over it. His mind would be filled with endless questions about what had happened. This whole conflict could have been fixed if Arthor had chosen to talk to him about it first. Then they could have decided to end their relationship in a healthy way rather than Arthor torturing him. His eyes darkened as he looked at Arthor, and right after his words, Elias wanted to punch Arthor, but that never happened and it never would.
“You don’t know that.”
“Why are you trying to defend your actions? You know it was fucking cruel to ignore me and grow distant. You know it wasn’t the right thing to do, so shut the fuck up, Arthor.”
"I'm not saying that the way I did it was right. I shouldn't have done that. I know."
“Exactly. If you would have talked to me first I would have gotten over it, but you didn’t,” Elias mumbled.
"I should've done that, I know that now."
Elias pushed Arthor away from him. Nothing about Arthor was good for him, but Arthor had already managed to ruin his life. Elias had lost his love for life, his love for everything around him and his love for himself. The loneliness Arthor had given him had caused him to lose his grasp on everything, and Elias wanted to die.
"I did the same thing to Leanah. I don't know why I'm so stupid."
“You say that every time you do something wrong, and I’m tired of it.”
"I'm tired, too."
The will to talk had left Elias as well, and he felt so exhausted. Elias didn’t respond to Arthor as he stepped away from him, creating a distance between them as he moved towards the other side of his room. Since Arthor sat down by the desk, Elias sat down at the edge of the bed. He wanted to be alone. Then he could do what he craved so fucking badly. Perhaps he would have to wait, but he feared that waiting would only make his courage fade. Gods, he needed to do this now. He had to.
"You'll be alright,” Arthor mumbled.
“No, I will not.”
"Well, not if you keep saying that."
“Exactly.”
"So stop thinking like that."
“If you think I’m going to listen to you, you’re wrong. You never listen to me. Never.”
"That makes you just as bad as me then."
Everything Arthor said only angered Elias. He didn’t want him to be here. They were over, and Elias firmly believed that their love hadn’t been genuine as he now realised how Arthor had treated him. Nothing about their relationship had been healthy because of Arthor, and Elias had still poured his heart out for him. As Arthor spoke, though, Elias rose from the bed to look at him with his eyebrows furrowed. He wanted to scream at him, tell him to get out, but he didn’t know if that would help.
“Can you fucking leave?”
"Afraid not. Sorry."
Elias walked over to the wardrobe, opening the wooden doors where he found the dagger he had never used. It hung in his sheath on a leather belt. Everything happened so quickly after that. He pulled the dagger out of the sheath, raising the blade towards his neck. In the background, he could hear Arthor stand up, and before he could do anything, Arthor had taken the dagger. Elias wanted to take it back, but instead, he only looked at Arthor as tears prickled in his eyes again. Did Arthor realise how much this hurt him?
“Leave me alone. I’m serious. I don’t want you here. I don’t want to be here. You ruined my life.”
"Gods, now you're really acting like me. Elias, you're smarter than this."
“I thought you were the love of my life, but you ruined me. You treat me like shit.”
"I know. I wish I didn't, but I just can't stop myself. You don't have to pay for my mistakes, though."
Tears started rolling down his cheeks, and his breath hitched. Slowly the longing for death started to fade. Elias didn’t want to die, not really. He wanted the pain that resided within him to disappear. He loved Arthor so much. He was the love of his life without a doubt, but Elias didn’t know how to fix this. Arthor had hurt him badly.
"You're so good, you deserve someone who can be good to you too."
“But I want you.”
“I wouldn’t.”
If Arthor had continued to ignore him for the rest of their lives, Elias would have never gotten over it. His mind would be filled with endless questions about what had happened. This whole conflict could have been fixed if Arthor had chosen to talk to him about it first. Then they could have decided to end their relationship in a healthy way rather than Arthor torturing him. His eyes darkened as he looked at Arthor, and right after his words, Elias wanted to punch Arthor, but that never happened and it never would.
“You don’t know that.”
“Why are you trying to defend your actions? You know it was fucking cruel to ignore me and grow distant. You know it wasn’t the right thing to do, so shut the fuck up, Arthor.”
"I'm not saying that the way I did it was right. I shouldn't have done that. I know."
“Exactly. If you would have talked to me first I would have gotten over it, but you didn’t,” Elias mumbled.
"I should've done that, I know that now."
Elias pushed Arthor away from him. Nothing about Arthor was good for him, but Arthor had already managed to ruin his life. Elias had lost his love for life, his love for everything around him and his love for himself. The loneliness Arthor had given him had caused him to lose his grasp on everything, and Elias wanted to die.
"I did the same thing to Leanah. I don't know why I'm so stupid."
“You say that every time you do something wrong, and I’m tired of it.”
"I'm tired, too."
The will to talk had left Elias as well, and he felt so exhausted. Elias didn’t respond to Arthor as he stepped away from him, creating a distance between them as he moved towards the other side of his room. Since Arthor sat down by the desk, Elias sat down at the edge of the bed. He wanted to be alone. Then he could do what he craved so fucking badly. Perhaps he would have to wait, but he feared that waiting would only make his courage fade. Gods, he needed to do this now. He had to.
"You'll be alright,” Arthor mumbled.
“No, I will not.”
"Well, not if you keep saying that."
“Exactly.”
"So stop thinking like that."
“If you think I’m going to listen to you, you’re wrong. You never listen to me. Never.”
"That makes you just as bad as me then."
Everything Arthor said only angered Elias. He didn’t want him to be here. They were over, and Elias firmly believed that their love hadn’t been genuine as he now realised how Arthor had treated him. Nothing about their relationship had been healthy because of Arthor, and Elias had still poured his heart out for him. As Arthor spoke, though, Elias rose from the bed to look at him with his eyebrows furrowed. He wanted to scream at him, tell him to get out, but he didn’t know if that would help.
“Can you fucking leave?”
"Afraid not. Sorry."
Elias walked over to the wardrobe, opening the wooden doors where he found the dagger he had never used. It hung in his sheath on a leather belt. Everything happened so quickly after that. He pulled the dagger out of the sheath, raising the blade towards his neck. In the background, he could hear Arthor stand up, and before he could do anything, Arthor had taken the dagger. Elias wanted to take it back, but instead, he only looked at Arthor as tears prickled in his eyes again. Did Arthor realise how much this hurt him?
“Leave me alone. I’m serious. I don’t want you here. I don’t want to be here. You ruined my life.”
"Gods, now you're really acting like me. Elias, you're smarter than this."
“I thought you were the love of my life, but you ruined me. You treat me like shit.”
"I know. I wish I didn't, but I just can't stop myself. You don't have to pay for my mistakes, though."
Tears started rolling down his cheeks, and his breath hitched. Slowly the longing for death started to fade. Elias didn’t want to die, not really. He wanted the pain that resided within him to disappear. He loved Arthor so much. He was the love of his life without a doubt, but Elias didn’t know how to fix this. Arthor had hurt him badly.
"You're so good, you deserve someone who can be good to you too."
“But I want you.”