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Fantasy Aedighar [closed]

Having Arthor in his presence became unbearable. Elias wanted him to walk out the door and never come back. Somewhere in the mess of his chamber there had to be something sharp enough to pierce through his skin, but he would never get that far with Arthor watching over him like a hawk. Elias wanted loneliness to swallow him whole. That sounded pleasant now.

“I wouldn’t.”

If Arthor had continued to ignore him for the rest of their lives, Elias would have never gotten over it. His mind would be filled with endless questions about what had happened. This whole conflict could have been fixed if Arthor had chosen to talk to him about it first. Then they could have decided to end their relationship in a healthy way rather than Arthor torturing him. His eyes darkened as he looked at Arthor, and right after his words, Elias wanted to punch Arthor, but that never happened and it never would.

“You don’t know that.”

“Why are you trying to defend your actions? You know it was fucking cruel to ignore me and grow distant. You know it wasn’t the right thing to do, so shut the fuck up, Arthor.”

"I'm not saying that the way I did it was right. I shouldn't have done that. I know."

“Exactly. If you would have talked to me first I would have gotten over it, but you didn’t,” Elias mumbled.

"I should've done that, I know that now."

Elias pushed Arthor away from him. Nothing about Arthor was good for him, but Arthor had already managed to ruin his life. Elias had lost his love for life, his love for everything around him and his love for himself. The loneliness Arthor had given him had caused him to lose his grasp on everything, and Elias wanted to die.

"I did the same thing to Leanah. I don't know why I'm so stupid."

“You say that every time you do something wrong, and I’m tired of it.”

"I'm tired, too."

The will to talk had left Elias as well, and he felt so exhausted. Elias didn’t respond to Arthor as he stepped away from him, creating a distance between them as he moved towards the other side of his room. Since Arthor sat down by the desk, Elias sat down at the edge of the bed. He wanted to be alone. Then he could do what he craved so fucking badly. Perhaps he would have to wait, but he feared that waiting would only make his courage fade. Gods, he needed to do this now. He had to.

"You'll be alright,” Arthor mumbled.

“No, I will not.”

"Well, not if you keep saying that."

“Exactly.”

"So stop thinking like that."

“If you think I’m going to listen to you, you’re wrong. You never listen to me. Never.”

"That makes you just as bad as me then."

Everything Arthor said only angered Elias. He didn’t want him to be here. They were over, and Elias firmly believed that their love hadn’t been genuine as he now realised how Arthor had treated him. Nothing about their relationship had been healthy because of Arthor, and Elias had still poured his heart out for him. As Arthor spoke, though, Elias rose from the bed to look at him with his eyebrows furrowed. He wanted to scream at him, tell him to get out, but he didn’t know if that would help.

“Can you fucking leave?”

"Afraid not. Sorry."

Elias walked over to the wardrobe, opening the wooden doors where he found the dagger he had never used. It hung in his sheath on a leather belt. Everything happened so quickly after that. He pulled the dagger out of the sheath, raising the blade towards his neck. In the background, he could hear Arthor stand up, and before he could do anything, Arthor had taken the dagger. Elias wanted to take it back, but instead, he only looked at Arthor as tears prickled in his eyes again. Did Arthor realise how much this hurt him?

“Leave me alone. I’m serious. I don’t want you here. I don’t want to be here. You ruined my life.”

"Gods, now you're really acting like me. Elias, you're smarter than this."

“I thought you were the love of my life, but you ruined me. You treat me like shit.”

"I know. I wish I didn't, but I just can't stop myself. You don't have to pay for my mistakes, though."

Tears started rolling down his cheeks, and his breath hitched. Slowly the longing for death started to fade. Elias didn’t want to die, not really. He wanted the pain that resided within him to disappear. He loved Arthor so much. He was the love of his life without a doubt, but Elias didn’t know how to fix this. Arthor had hurt him badly.

"You're so good, you deserve someone who can be good to you too."

“But I want you.”
 
Elias was really stupid right now. Arthor thought that he’d at least have the mind to wait until he was alone to try and stab himself, but apparently he was desperate enough. At least he hadn’t left when he’d asked, though Arthor honestly doubted that Elias would have the courage to do this. Though he hated that he’d even consider something like that.

Now watching Elias cry made Arthor’s heart ache. He knew there was nothing he could really do about this anymore, and Elias had made that quite clear. Arthor just wanted Elias’ future to be good and be without him most likely. Elias was right, Arthor treated him like shit and though his love for Elias was genuine that obviously didn’t really matter in the end. Arthor wished he could be the one for Elias, but that wasn’t it. Elias deserved so much better than him.

“I’m not good for you. You deserve someone so much better, Elias.”

“I know.”

“I hope you do. You shouldn’t want me.”

While tears were still rolling down his cheeks, Elias turned and walked over to lay down on his bed. Arthor watched him while he thought about all the nice moments they’d had together. That didn’t really matter now, because the bad overshadowed it all. Arthor had been horrible to him at times, absolutely awful, but at least now that would be over. Elias would never have to worry about that ever again.

It was a shame that it all came to this, but it would’ve happened one day. They wouldn’t have lasted for too long, Arthor was sure about that. Either Arthor would snap out of it like he was now or Elias would finally realise what was better for him, but they would always end up here. At least Arthor could offer him some comfort now, if Elias would accept it. Then later he could leave and Arthor was sure Elias would find his way. He was a good man and good would come to him, Arthor was sure of it.

When Elias wrapped the blankets around himself, Arthor moved to sit down on the bed. He wanted to hug him, but Arthor wasn’t sure if Elias would appreciate it. It was hard for Arthor to understand what he was supposed to do now, but he wanted to at least try to make it easier for Elias. The one thing he wouldn’t do was leave, because Arthor wanted to make sure that Elias would be alright overall.

"So we're not together anymore?"

“No, we’re not.”

"And not friends either?"

“Probably not.”

There was no way that they could remain friends after this. Just like Arthor couldn’t be friends with Leanah. He would slip up, he knew that. Obviously Arthor was a much better friend than a lover, but he didn’t trust himself around either of them anymore. It’d just be best for him to stay away and then there would be no chance of fucking something up again.

"Then leave."

“I’ll leave when I have to go to work. Obviously I can’t leave you alone.”

"Get off my bed at least."

That Arthor could do and he nodded as he got up and went back to the desk. He sat down on the chair and leant his elbow on the table and his head against his hand. Arthor doubted he would get any sleep and he didn’t know if Elias would either. That didn’t really matter, though, all Arthor cared about was that Elias was safe. His head was pounding from all of this, but Arthor ignored it while he watched Elias lay on his bed silently.

They had been so good together and Arthor would miss him, but it was for the best. Surely Sarisa would be able to take his mind off of all of this. Elias would figure something out, too. Arthor was sure that everything would fall into place for Elias. He deserved to have a happy life. All that Arthor was afraid of now was that Elias wouldn’t allow that to happen.

“Everything’s going to be fine,” Arthor mumbled, more to himself than Elias.

"I just lost the love of my life and my best friend. I don't want to hear that right now."

“Eventually you’ll wish that this would’ve happened sooner.”

“Please, stop.”

“Alright, sorry.”

But Arthor was sure that his words were true and that eventually Elias would come to regret all of this. He should’ve known from the start that this wouldn’t have ended well, and Arthor should’ve known that as well. He’d been naive, thinking that just because it was Elias that things would be different this time around. It was a shame, but they had been doomed from the start all because of Arthor.
 
They had spent so many years together.

Ever since the day Elias had first met Arthor they had been great friends. Many stories spoke of love so real that one would know the moment gazes would meet. Thinking about their first conversation made it easy for him to believe that he had experienced such love with Arthor. For years Arthor had been the love of his life even if he only realised that now. Knowing that everything they had shared together was now over broke his heart. Elias thought they would always be together like they had promised, even if they would settle down with others.

Quiet sobs filled the room.

Elias buried his face into his pillow, grasping onto the fabric of his sheets as he cried. Arthor was like a sweet poison that slowly killed him. They had been so good together, and no matter how bad Arthor was, Elias couldn’t help that feeling of wanting to fix everything so he could have Arthor back in his arms.

There was a chance everything would get easier, but Elias felt hollow now.

No matter how hard he tried to fight his tears, Elias couldn’t stop. He sat up and brought the blanket up to his face to wipe the tears away, but they didn’t stop. Having Arthor in the room with him didn’t make it easier, so Elias stood up from the bed and walked towards the door. Quickly he opened it and stepped outside.

Fresh air sounded pleasant.

Even if Arthor followed him, Elias ignored him. He needed to get out of the castle. Spend the night at some inn somewhere with wine that tasted like shit and perhaps the comfort of some woman that he wouldn’t like. Staying in his own chamber sounded horrible, and Elias began walking down the hallway. He assumed that he looked terrible as there were tears still running down his cheeks. Perhaps he could go to Leanah. Arthor had left her too, she would know what the pain felt like, and suddenly Elias changed his course.

Arthor must have realised as he stopped following him, but Elias was glad that he had stopped.

Once he stopped in front of the door, he realised how late it was. They would likely be asleep, but Elias raised his hand to knock at the door. Would Leanah send him away? They didn’t have a close relationship, but he imagined they would be able to bond over this and luckily it was Leanah who opened the door, not Adian.

“I am very sorry for bothering you this late, Lady Leanah,” Elias mumbled.

There was a strange look on her face as their gaze met. Leanah looked confused with her eyebrows furrowed, but it only took a short explanation of what had happened for that expression to fade and for Leanah to welcome him inside her room. Adian laid on the bed. Elias had woken him up, and he felt terribly sorry for causing them so much trouble so late in the evening, but he needed them. They were the only people in the castle that knew Arthor the same way he had. Only they could comfort him now.

“I am sorry if I disturbed your sleep, Lord Adian.”

“Don’t worry, Elias,” Leanah said softly as she took his hand.

"What's wrong?" Adian still asked as he sat up on the bed and rubbed his face.

“Everything. I’m sure Lady Leanah knows what I feel like right now.”

"What happened?"

Leanah left him to stand there alone as she walked over to Adian. Elias could hear her whisper in his ear as she leaned close to him. She knew a lot about his relationship to Arthor, and he was certain that she understood what had happened with his brief explanation from earlier. While Leanah spoke to Adian, Elias only looked at them while lacing his fingers together. Adian looked a little confused and shocked at her words, but Elias couldn’t hear what she was saying. Leanah was quick to come back to Elias once she finished speaking to Adian, though.

“I know what you’re feeling, Elias,” Leanah said. Her voice sounded so soothing.

“That is why I came here. I had nowhere else to go.”

“You can stay here. I don’t want you to be alone.”

While Leanah continued to say such sweet, reassuring words, Adian had gotten up from the bed and walked over to fill a cup of wine for him. Elias took the cup, looking at them both before taking a long sip from it. He didn’t want to get drunk, but one cup wouldn’t do any harm.

“Thank you.”

"Come sit down,” Adian said quietly.

Elias knew that Connas was in the room with them, but it didn’t seem like he had woken the child up. He walked over to the bed to sit down. Leanah followed to sit down next to him. Her arm wrapped around his shoulder while her fingers stroked against him. She was so sweet, and Elias appreciated that.

“You are so kind. Both of you.”
 
When Adian woke up, he thought it must’ve been the morning sunshine or Connas’ cries that woke him up. He felt so tired still that he quickly figured out that it was neither. Once the sleep was out of his eyes, he could see clearly in front of him Leanah and Elias. Obviously the man was very distraught, so Adian figured out rather quickly that something must’ve been wrong.

They’d never actually spoken, or at least Adian could never remember such an occurrence. He only knew the most basic things about Elias from Leanah and Lady Carlys. From what Adian had heard, Elias was a good, smart man. There was no reason for Adian to think differently, so after Leanah whispered to him what had happened, Adian was ready to help Elias out or at least try to.

Granted, the relationship he had seemingly had with Sir Arthor wasn’t something that Adian would approve. First of all, it was a lot for him to really take in. He knew what had happened one night, but he hadn’t thought that there actually would be something between the two men. Adian thought it was unnatural and sinful, but he wouldn’t judge Elias harshly for this, especially not now. It wasn’t really any of his business, anyways.

All Adian cared about right now was that Elias was hurt, just like Leanah had been. He wanted to make sure that he would be alright, since, according to Elias himself, he had nowhere else to go now. Gods, Arthor really was a mess, wasn’t he. Adian had no clue how one man could cause so much trouble. At Elias’ words, Adian shrugged as he sat down on his other side so that Elias was between him and Leanah now.

"I don't know what has happened to him,” Elias mumbled.

“Well, people change, sometimes not for the better.”

"I've known him for years. I don't recognise him anymore."

“To be fair, a lot has happened.”

Everything that had happened over the last few years would obviously change a man, there were no doubts about that. Adian didn’t think Leanah and Elias expected Arthor to become this kind of person, but it had happened anyways. It was out of their control and there wasn’t really anything they could do about it. Adian truly felt bad for them and he felt disappointed in Arthor.

“True.”

“I’m sorry, Elias,” Adian mumbled as he gently put his hand to rest on his shoulder.

"He changed while he was with me as well. He tried to force himself on me."

That made Adian frown and look down as he pulled his hand away from Elias. Arthor was a bad man and he wasn’t sure how Leanah and Elias were able to deal with him for as long as they had. They deserved so much better than this. Arthor had been so horrible to them, and this was one of the things that he had done in the past that made Adian’s skin crawl.

"That happened to me as well."

Hearing that from Elias made Adian even more uncomfortable. He didn’t understand how either of them could ever forgive Arthor something like that. This was unacceptable in his eyes and Adian just didn’t understand this whatsoever. Then again, he’d never been in such a situation so he didn’t know how he would react.

“Can Elias stay here for the night?”

Adian leant a bit forwards so he could look at Leanah as she asked him that. He saw nothing wrong with it. Their bed was big enough for three people easily. He didn’t want Elias to be alone, anyways, so Adian didn’t fancy the idea of sending him away. Elias could stay for as long as he wanted, really. Adian didn’t mind and he didn’t think Leanah would either.

“Of course.”

At least that seemed to make Elias a bit happy, because he smiled a little at that. Adian watched as Leanah got up and rearranged the pillows on the bed a little, so that they wouldn’t all be sleeping next to each other. While she was doing that, Adian turned back to Elias again, smiling a bit to maybe reassure him that everything was alright, “I don’t think we’ve actually spoken before.”

At that, Elias shook his head, "we haven't, but I wasn't here when you arrived. I suppose that is to blame."

“Probably,” Adian nodded, “I do know a few things about you. Lady Carlys speaks highly of you and your part in the war.”

"That is very kind of her."

The few things Adian had heard about Elias were mostly about what he did around the castle and what he had done in the war. He quite admired that, really, it was impressive in Adian’s eyes. Soldiers were nothing without a good plan behind each of their moves, and Elias had been responsible for that. Perhaps Lord Brynden and his men wouldn’t have gotten that far without Elias there.

“It’s very impressive.”

"You think so?"

“Yes,” Adian smiled, “you played a big part. The South can be very proud of you.”
 
While Elias had been busy with Arthor, he had never really taken the time to get to know Adian. From what he had heard the Lord was a kind man and that became evident now. Had anyone ever shown him this much kindness? Elias was glad that he had chosen to go to Leanah. The air in their chamber felt much lighter. With them, there was no pressure against his chest and Elias thought he could finally breathe. They were so kind to him, and Elias wasn’t sure how he would be able to thank them for everything.

Perhaps he could offer to take care of Connas for them if they wanted some privacy.

“Thank you. You’re very kind,” Elias nodded.

Adian shrugged and chuckled, but Elias hoped that the Lord believed his words. Leanah sat down onto the bed again, next to Adian this time. He watched as Leanah wrapped her arm around her husband, leaning against him. They looked nice together. Elias hoped they were happy together as he suddenly thought they deserved that.

"Connas sleeps quite well these nights, but sorry if he does wake you up,” Adian said while he touched Leanah’s hand.

“That’s alright. I’m sure I’ll be okay.”

"You will be,” Adian nodded and patted his hand against his shoulder.

Now it was suddenly strange that he was here. Connas was Arthor’s child, and Elias wasn’t sure how to feel about that anymore. Surely Leanah must have felt even worse about that considering everything Arthor had done, but he hoped that they could all forget about Arthor. That would be for the better. No one deserved to be treated that way, and he wasn’t sure what had happened to Arthor that had caused him to act like that. Whatever had happened, that wasn’t the Arthor he had fallen in love with or befriended.

“I’m not sure how I will be able to thank you two for this.”

"You don't have to thank us,” Adian shrugged.

“Okay.”

"We're friends. It's all good,” Adian smiled.

“We’ll be here for you, Elias,” Leanah said.

They were so fucking sweet. Elias smiled at them both, and he knew that he had made the right decision when he had decided to come to them. Staying in his room with Arthor would have only made it worse, and he hoped that this would help him feel better. Now he wanted to feel better. He deserved to be happy.

“We should get to know each other better one day, Adian.”

"I agree, we should,” Adian said with a big smile.

“Good. Perhaps a day where I feel a little bit more like myself.”

"I'd like that. Just find me whenever, I'm not very busy."

“And if you need some privacy with your wife, I wouldn’t mind watching over Connas. He has already met me once.”

Both Leanah and Adian chuckled while Adian also shrugged. Elias wouldn’t mind taking care of Connas. If anything he thought it would be good for him to get a sense of responsibility after everything that had happened. Then he wouldn’t be tempted to do anything stupid as he would have to take care of Connas. He liked the sound of that, and it seemed like they did as well. He only feared that it would get weird knowing that he would take care of Arthor’s son, but he would just have to think that Adian was the father.

“Thank you, Elias,” Leanah said.

"That'd be very kind of you,” Adian chuckled.

“Well, I’m not very busy. I could help whenever.”

"Thank you,” Adian smiled.

That was the least he could do, and Elias returned the smile. Now he began to feel exhausted, though. He yawned as he looked at them, shaking his head a little bit which prompted Leanah to ask if he wanted to rest. Elias nodded, and it didn’t take him long to get out of bed only to walk over to the other side where Leanah had laid a pillow for him. Gods, he couldn’t get over how sweet they were. Even if he didn't have anyone to hold him throughout the night, it would be nice to have someone close.

While he laid there towards the edge of the bed, Elias watched as Adian kissed Leanah on the head and laid down with her. It didn’t feel weird that they were all on the same bed. Even if there was some space between him and them, Elias found it comforting. Now he only hoped he’d be able to fall asleep.
 
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Decision making.
Chapter CLVII
House Hastwyck
Sow knowledge, reap wisdom.
Santrella, Southern lands of Aedighar
​
Arthor really was the biggest bastard imaginable. He hated himself for everything that he had done, but at least it was over with right now. Ever since what happened, Arthor hadn’t spoken to Leanah and Elias. That was the only good thing to come out of this, really. At least they were finally rid of him, finally he was doing something good for them, even if he had hurt them while trying to achieve this.

Surely they would be better off now. Gods, Arthor missed them so much, but this had to happen eventually. Elias was right and there would’ve been a better way to do this, but Arthor was too stupid to actually be smart about the situation. It was a shame that they’d gotten hurt, but surely it would all be alright soon. Arthor couldn’t resist but ask some of the guards and handmaidens around the castle about both of them, just to see if they were alright.

Apparently, Elias was spending quite a lot of time with Adian, Leanah and Connas. That was alright, Arthor hoped that they were taking care of him. He had been afraid of what loneliness would do to Elias, so Arthor was happy that he had those three with him. Leanah seemed to be doing better, too, according to her handmaidens, so that was obviously good news too. It would only take some time, Arthor was sure of it, and they would be so happy without him.

Would he be happy? That didn’t really matter to him. All Arthor could think about was if Leanah and Elias would be alright. Sarisa, too. Gods, she was still stuck with him. Arthor hated that he would probably end up hurting her too, but he couldn’t cut her off too. She was taking care of him right now and Arthor liked her, he wanted to be with her, so he couldn’t bear to tell her to go.

There was a knock on his door and since Arthor was up from the bed, he walked over to open it. Sarisa was so pretty that he couldn’t help but smile at her. He was lucky to have her, that was for sure. Maybe Arthor really had a chance with her, but he doubted it. Eventually he would fuck it all up, it was inevitable by this point. Sarisa leant up to kiss him and Arthor moved his hands to her waist so that he could walk them backwards into his room, while kicking the door shut with his foot.

Now that Arthor had nobody else, he could put all of his thoughts on Sarisa. Then it should be easier to not hurt her for as long as he possibly could. He didn’t want that, Arthor wanted at least Sarisa to be happy with him. She didn’t seem too happy when she pulled away and pressed their foreheads together.

“Is something wrong?”

"Lady Leanah doesn't want me to work for her anymore."

So Arthor had managed to fuck something up for Sarisa already. Of course Leanah wouldn’t want her to be around her anymore, why would she? Arthor should’ve expected this, but he hadn’t thought about Sarisa and her job whatsoever. Even when asking about Leanah and Connas, actually asking Sarisa rarely ever entered his mind and he usually just went to someone else.

“I’m sorry,” Arthor mumbled as he pulled away from her.

“I’m sure I’ll get thrown out of the castle soon.”

It wasn’t a stretch to say that. Sarisa would have no purpose in being here anymore, so it would make sense for her to have to leave. Where would she go then? Arthor could get her a place to stay, since he didn’t want her to rot in an inn somewhere in Santrella. He didn’t want her to go back to that kind of life. It was the least he could do for her after everything.

“If that happens, I’ll find you a place to stay.”

"I had another idea."

“What?”

"I've been thinking about the West."

That made Arthor get uncomfortable very quickly. He was quite happy to say that he never thought about the West. Arthor had a feeling he knew what Sarisa was going to say, and that made him pull away from her and walk over to his table to get some wine. She was going to leave him, he was sure of it. Why wouldn’t she? Sarisa could exchange him for a title and riches, who wouldn’t do that?

While Arthor raised the cup to his lips, Sarisa moved to stand behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and kissing the side of his neck. She was leaving him and Arthor would be all alone. That wasn’t a good idea, not at all. That just sounded like drunken apologies waiting to happen.

“What about it?”

"I could live there."

“You could,” Arthor mumbled and drank some more, “but your parents are alive, so maybe you shouldn’t go anywhere near the West.”
 
Santrella had lost its purpose for Sarisa.

It had once been a place of wonder and exotic experiences, but Sarisa saw behind the curtains and the constant sadness and intrigues. When Lady Leanah had explained her wishes about Sarisa no longer working for her, Sarisa should have expected it. Everything that had happened with Arthor had killed her love for the castle, Santrella and everything else about the South. Sarisa longed to leave, go back to Aeredale where she belonged and take the seat from her parents. But she longed for Arthor. She needed him and craved his company.

But Sarisa felt as if she had to walk on eggshells around Arthor.

A lot had happened to him over the few months they had known each other. Sarisa understood his pain and fears. Even if he had a habit of never talking about his problems, she could see the pain in his eyes. He had changed so much since the first time they had met, but Sarisa was determined to make them last. She wanted to be his.

Taking the West with him sounded like a pleasant idea, but there was only one problem.

“My parents are as good as dead already. One word and they’re gone.”

"I suppose,” Arthor mumbled.

“You could come with me.”

Arthor grew silent, but Sarisa had expected that since she thought there was no way he would come with her to the West. She wanted them to be together, but if Arthor didn’t want to come with her, Sarisa wouldn’t force him. While silence settled between them, she stroked her hands over his torso, pressing another kiss against his neck.

"As your guard?"

“No, unless you want to be my guard,” Sarisa mumbled against his skin.

"I'm not good at anything else."

Did he not want a relationship with her? Sarisa thought they shared something, but perhaps Arthor would only come with her as her guard. Since she didn’t want to force him into anything, she pulled away from him. They didn’t have to be together if he didn’t want it or didn’t feel ready for that, even if Sarisa wanted it.

“You could be my guard then.”

Too often did Sarisa think of something more with Arthor. She was pathetic for thinking about marriage and a family with him. They could settle down in the West, have children they could love and cherish, but Sarisa knew it was all wishful thinking. Since they had never spoken of such things, she couldn’t expect Arthor to want that. She watched him as he walked over to the bed to sit down on it while a part of her wished that Arthor would be the one for her. Gods, Sarisa assumed she was getting ahead of herself, though.

"Is it nice there?"

“It’s beautiful.”

"I've never even considered leaving Santrella."

“I won’t force you. It was only a suggestion,” Sarisa sighed.

"It doesn't really feel like home here anymore anyways."

Sarisa walked over to the bed to sit down next to him. They could make a home in Aeredale. The West had never felt like her home either, but with her parents gone and Arthor by her side, Sarisa hoped that Aeredale would feel more like a home. She thought Santrella could have been her home, but it would never be her place.

“Aeredale never felt like my home either, but we can make it our home.”

Arthor chuckled at her words, but Sarisa didn’t understand. She wanted to give him an opportunity to get away from his past, give him a chance to move on. That was what he deserved, and Sarisa wrapped her arm around him, to pull him close to her. Arthor leaned onto her, resting his head against her shoulder, and she hoped that he wanted to come with her.

"Do you really want me to come?"

“Of course.”

"Would that make you happy?"

“Think about yourself,” she mumbled before pressing her lips against the top of his head.

"I don't think I want to stay here. I don't think I can."

“Then you can come to Aeredale with me as my guard.”

Even though Sarisa wanted to say that he could come as her lover or become her husband, she didn’t want to mention that. Not now when Arthor seemed so fragile. As long as she had Arthor there, it didn’t matter what they were to each other, but then she knew that she would have to marry someone else in the future. Since he nodded at her words, Sarisa thought that there was no way she could mention her ideas to him. They had never decided that they were true lovers, expect for Arthor saying he wanted her to be his.

“We’ll be okay. I’m sure of it,” Sarisa mumbled.
 
The South had been Arthor’s home for his whole life. He’d never even truly left it, apart from the few visits to other castles he’d had to make with Lady Carlys. Never had he actually thought about leaving Santrella, but now Sarisa was giving him a choice. Arthor could start over in Aeredale and protect Sarisa, but surely she would have to marry and the thought of it alone left a sour taste in his mouth.

It was tempting to just go with it, though. Now that he thought about it, Santrella wasn’t really his home. The Hastwycks and Elias had been his home, truly, but he’d lost all of them. There was no point in Arthor staying here, they all hated him now and he was only a burden. If he’d go to Aeredale, then he could never come back and never bother any of them again. Wouldn’t that be nice?

“I just want you to be happy.”

"I'll be happy."

“That’s all I want.”

Arthor nuzzled his face against her neck as he kissed his way to her lips. They kissed and Sarisa moved her hand to cup his cheek gently, while Arthor moved his into her hair. She could rule over the West, that would suit her. Arthor thought she’d be good at it. He was only good when it came to fighting and guarding, so Arthor couldn’t really offer her anything else. Not that it would be appropriate, anyways.

When Sarisa moved her tongue against his, Arthor moaned quietly and moved his hands to her hips so that he could pull her into his lap. He felt like he was boring Sarisa these days and just bothering her with his sadness, so Arthor tried to not think about Elias or Leanah. That wouldn’t end well, since Arthor couldn’t remember anything good about them anymore, all he could think about was how hurt they had been in the end.

Their kiss ended when Sarisa yanked on his hair, making him pull away and look at her instead. Arthor would never see Leanah or Elias ever again. That was good, it had to be. He’d spent most of his life in Santrella, but it had to come to an end. Santrella, Leanah and Elias were in his past now and Arthor would try to wipe everything of them from his mind. They were gone.

“So you will come with me?”

“Yes.”

Sarisa kissed him again and Arthor wrapped his arms around her so that he could hold her closer against him. He liked Sarisa a lot, he really did. Maybe Arthor would be a better man in the West, perhaps the change in surroundings would help him. At least he hoped that would be the case. Sarisa deserved him to be good to her, and Arthor wanted to try for her. He wanted to be good.

Her hands were stroking his hair and now all Arthor forced himself to think about was being in the West with her. Could they start anew there? Arthor would love Sarisa and try to treat her right, which he hadn’t been good at so far. She had been taking care of him for so long now, and now she deserved the same from him. Arthor just wanted to make someone happy for once.

After a while, Sarisa pulled away from him again, “would we be lovers?”

The only problem Arthor could see with that was her husband, who would undoubtedly enter the picture soon enough. Not everyone would be as accepting as Lord Adian, Arthor realised that, so he wasn’t sure how that would turn out. He didn’t want their relationship to end, though, so he hoped that it could continue. Otherwise Arthor would likely end up miserable as her guard.

“I hope so.”

“Do you want to marry me?”

That made Arthor stop as he stared at Sarisa. He wasn’t even sure if he’d heard her right from how strange the question was. Arthor couldn’t be her husband, not at all. He was too low-born to marry someone like Sarisa. It wasn’t as though Arthor knew anything about how to be a lord, anyways. He was only a second son of a much lesser house, this wasn’t what he deserved.

“What? You know I can’t do that.”

"You can."

“I can’t. I’m a knight, not a lord.”

"I want you to marry me."

Marriage wasn’t something that Arthor had ever really considered, since neither Leanah nor Elias were really eligible for that. Having Sarisa as his wife was something he’d toyed around in his mind when he had thought she was lowborn or when they thought they could stay here in Santrella, but now Arthor wasn’t sure if they could do this. He thought he’d just feel too guilty to do that.

“Nobody marries because they want to. They marry to get alliances or -- or something. I can’t give you anything. They’ll think badly of you once they find out who I am.”
 
Once her parents would be dead, Sarisa knew that she could marry Arthor without their opinion.

They could rule the West together. There would be people who would love to talk behind their backs about Arthor and how Sarisa had chosen to marry a Knight. Those opinions did not matter to her. As long as she lived a happy life, she would never care for the opinions of others even if they would think badly of her. She wanted to marry Arthor and be his. They could have children who wouldn’t be bastards and Sarisa quite liked the thought of that. What harm could come of it? She doubted anyone would dare to do anything about it.

“Let them speak badly of me. We would be happy. We could have a family together and legitimate children.”

"Sarisa, everyone will tell you that's a bad idea."

“I don’t care.”

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Sarisa. This won't make the people welcome you back with open arms."

“They will be happy that my parents are gone. That is all they care about.”

No one in Aeredale appreciated her parents. They had ruined everything they had stood for by joining forces with Trevas. Now the West was useless, and Sarisa wanted to change that. The people would not care too much about who she chose to marry as long as she brought Aeredale back into prosperity.

"And then their daughter shows up out of nowhere with a drunk fuck under her arm. That won't exactly give off a stellar first impression."

“Arthor, please. It wouldn’t be like that,” she sighed.

"It would be. The best thing you could do is return to the West and marry someone that the Westerners like, get their trust and love that way."

“Okay.

Sarisa pulled away from Arthor, sliding off of his thighs to stand up. At least she had tried. Knowing that Arthor wasn’t as fond of the idea as she was didn’t feel good. Her heart sank into her stomach. It felt as if someone had pierced their dagger through her flesh, right in her chest as she looked away from Arthor.

"Sarisa, I would, but I'm just thinking about you."

“No, you’re not. You’re thinking about the people and what they’d think of me even if I told you that I don’t care.”

"Because you're going to be ruling over those people, Sarisa. I don't want them to think badly of you because of me,” Arthor said as he grabbed her hand.

“It’s okay. We won’t marry.”

"Oh."

Since Arthor held onto her hand, Sarisa pulled her hand away from him. They could have been happy together. She was certain that the people would come to realise that they had nothing to say about her marriage. The people who were supportive of her parents would no longer be allowed in the castle. She was certain that Brynden would help her find good people who would stand by her side. He had promised her to help with anything, and she knew she would need to send him a letter about her plan.

"I suppose having an affair with your guard might be worse, though."

“They would call me a whore then,” Sarisa mumbled.

"They'll probably call you a whore, either way."

“Well, I don’t fucking care what they would call me.”

"I know. I guess I just want to protect you from that."

Sarisa turned around to look at Arthor, “then marry me. Be my husband and protect me.”

“Sarisa.”

That was what she wanted. Sarisa stepped towards the bed again, sinking down onto his lap to wrap her arms around his neck. Their gaze met while Arthor stroked his fingers against her hips. Marrying him would be the most wonderful moment of her life. It was all she craved and needed. Gods, she wanted him.

“I want to be yours,” she said, stroking her hand up to cup his cheek.

"I want you to be mine."

“I could be your wife.”

Arthor raised his hand to cup her cheek, stroking his fingers along her skin and Sarisa prayed that he would let them marry each other. They could start a new life in Aeredale together. She was done travelling around in Aedighar without a purpose. Settling down would be pleasant, and she wanted Arthor to be there with her until the end of her days. She had never really thought about having children, but now she wanted them, and she wanted Arthor to be the father of her children. What harm could come from that? They would be happy.

Since there was no answer from Arthor, Sarisa leaned forward to press their lips together while she stroked her hand from his cheek and into his hair. He had said that he would marry her. That had to mean that he wanted it as well. She hoped he wanted it because she wanted him to be happy with her.
 
Since Arthor was pretty much given a choice between not having Sarisa at all, having an affair with her or marrying her, it became quite clear to him what the best decision would be. Having an affair wouldn’t end well and Arthor knew that he couldn’t stay here in Santrella. He had nowhere else to go, though, except for Aeredale. Arthor wanted her and maybe he even did truly want to marry her, but he was just afraid what people might think of her.

But Sarisa was quite adamant that she didn’t care what they’d say of her. Arthor admired that, because he was nothing like that. Sometimes he cared too much about what people said about him or those that he cared about. They could have children, actual legitimate children. Maybe they would even be happy together. Being away from Santrella would help, Arthor was sure about it.

The thing Arthor was most uncertain about was his capability of being a lord. He’d been a second son, so his father hadn’t taught him as much as he had his older brother. Actually, Arthor had learnt more after working with Lady Carlys for so many years. He still knew pretty much nothing, though, and Arthor doubted that he’d be able to help Sarisa with anything. He’d be a shitty lord, but at least Arthor could try to be a good husband.

There was one thing that Arthor wanted for this, though. Now that the option of the West had arisen, Arthor didn’t want to spend another night here. He imagined he could just slip away in the dark and nobody would really care, except for Lady Carlys who would have to find a replacement for him. Maybe Arthor would write a letter and leave it on the desk so that whoever would come looking for him could take it to Lady Hastwyck, make it easier for everyone.

“I want to leave as soon as possible.”

"We can leave right now."

“Please.”

The thought of making a home with Sarisa in Aeredale sounded quite nice to Arthor. He tried not to think about everything that could go wrong and instead focus on everything that could go right. Then it was such a nice thought, and Arthor wanted it and he wanted it with Sarisa. They could make it work, right?

“Okay.”

The fact that Sarisa asked no questions and just agreed to drop everything and go now made Arthor like her even more. He felt grateful that he’d found her in that inn that one night, even though he imagined things would be a lot different if he hadn’t. Would he still be with Leanah and Elias then? Perhaps. That would be no good. It was good that they’d met and this wasn’t a mistake, Arthor was sure of it.

In an effort to show her just how much she meant to him, Arthor leant in to kiss her deeply. He heard a moan come from her which made him pull her closer against him. Arthor thought about everything he would leave behind and he thought that it would be better that way. He’d miss his life, though. It had been nice at times, he couldn’t deny that. Arthor wondered if they’d let someone else move into his room and for whatever reason the thought of that made him upset.

It was strange to think about that, really. Whoever would move in here would never know about any of the things that had happened here. Arthor had been in this room for over five-and-ten years now, right? Gods, it had been such a long time. Its new owner would never appreciate it like Arthor had. They probably wouldn’t have even half as much fun in here as Arthor had, but also probably wouldn’t experience nowhere near the sorrow he had.

In the end, it was just a room, though. His room, but a room nonetheless. All of the memories he’d made in here didn’t matter anymore, nor did the ones in the castle in general. What mattered was only Sarisa now. Everyone else would forget him and it would be better that way. Arthor wouldn’t forget them and he’d always love them, but that didn’t matter.

Their kissed turned sweet and Arthor pulled away from her a little to press his forehead against hers. If things would truly turn out this way, then Sarisa would be his wife. Arthor would have to take her name, since he was lower than her, but maybe that was a good thing. Perhaps Lord Arthor Bryne wouldn’t be as big of a prick as Sir Arthor Overton. It would be a new start for all of them and Arthor hoped that everything would turn out alright.

Though they didn’t stay too far from one another and Sarisa leant forwards to catch his lip between her teeth. It made Arthor chuckle a little as he looked at her, moving his hand to cup her cheek. Being married to her sounded so sweet, even if Arthor would’ve preferred to just stay low with her for the rest of their lives. He would do this for her, though, even if the thought made him slightly uncomfortable. He’d get over it.

“Should we leave now?”

“Maybe not right now. I want to kiss you some more.”
 
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The West
Chapter CLVIII
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar
​
All the changes pregnancy had brought had taken longer to get used to than expected. Aryana found it difficult to sleep with her stomach which had grown quite a lot. There was a significant bump which meant everyone was now aware of her pregnancy and Aryana no longer wanted to hide it. Not that it would be possible to hide it.

The kicks and movements of their child had grown stronger. Aryana had spoken to the Maester who reassured her that the behaviour of their child was rather normal. He had felt the kicks himself and told her that her child was quite strong which meant it was healthy. Whenever she met him to discuss her pregnancy, she wanted to ask him if there was a way for him to know if she would give Brynden a daughter or a son, but such questions were silly since they would be happy either way. But he informed her that soon she would be ready to birth her child.

At night those thoughts frightened her.

The pain would be unlike anything else she had ever felt. Some of the women she had befriended over the last few months were not shy and would tell her stories from all over Aedighar about childbirth. Aryana would sit there with wide eyes and her fingers nicely tucked against her belly as she tried to imagine that pain.

Aryana made sure to tell them that they were incredibly rude for sharing such stories now, but it was all in good fun. They did a lot together when she couldn’t be with Brynden. They spoke of recent gossip and rumours. Told stories that they had heard at one point of their life, and Aryana adored them for sharing her same interests about the beautiful scenery outside. Now she had someone else to accompany her on her walks, and she was glad that she had found them. They brought some happiness into her life that Brynden couldn’t give her.

While in her room, Aryana had opened all the windows to let in fresh, cold air. The pregnancy made her whole body warm while her cheeks seemed to be constantly flushed. She couldn’t handle the heat as it made her sweat and feel ready for a bath which she had already had the other day, and a little fresh air was rather pleasant.

The new dresses she had received were beautiful. Aryana had requested them to be made to represent house Rhyne. Most of them were light in colour, but others had hints of green in the embroidery or the fabric. Never had she thought she would like the darker green colour on herself, but it reminded her of the vast forest outside of Nilfgaard. She wanted to feel like a Rhyne and show the people that she was proud to be a part of the North now, but every so often she would wear dresses decorated in blue detail as a reminder of the East.

When the evening came, Aryana waited for Brynden while she sat by the desk writing a letter to her father.

The sound of footsteps in the hallway brought her attention towards the door, and as soon as she heard someone fiddling with the knob, she rose from her chair. A smile tugged at her lips as she saw Brynden and she closed the distance between them to greet her husband with a kiss against the cheek.

“I’ve missed you,” she said quietly as her arms wrapped around his neck.

Brynden returned her smile before he hugged her. Aryana only grew a little uncomfortable when he lifted her up while her chest pressed against his, but she chuckled and pressed another kiss against his cheek. He let her down against the floor again, but kept his arms wrapped around her. After so many months together, Aryana should have gotten used to his absence, but she often missed him. Some days it became unbearable to not have him there with her, but she knew she had to be a good wife to him. He deserved that, and she couldn’t be selfish.

“How was your day?”

"It was alright. We finally figured out what to do with the West."

“Oh? Did you find a man to inherit it?” Aryana asked once she pulled away from the hug.

"Not exactly."

Aryana didn’t know much about the West and which state it was in now. It had only been briefly mentioned when she had been at meetings with Brynden, but all she knew was that the Brynes was still heavily looked after in the West. She thought that Brynden would have killed them after the war and given it to some man he thought was worthy for it, but a part of her wondered if there was something personal behind his decision to leave the Brynes alone. The thought alone made her skin crawl.

“What will happen to the West then?”

While she tried to figure out what Brynden could have figured out, she watched him walk away from her to get undressed. The thought of the Brynes wasn’t pleasant, and she could only pray that Brynden had chosen to kill them and find someone else to take over the West. Then they would be rid of the Brynes for good.
 
Receiving a letter from Sarisa wasn’t something that Brynden had expected to happen. It had been months since the war had ended and Brynden figured that Sarisa must’ve forgotten about the West. All this time, they’d been trying to figure out who would be worthy enough to inherit the West, as it was strong and not everyone deserved to rule there. It had to be someone special, so that meant that Brynden struggled to find someone capable.

There was no part of him that liked having the Brynes still there, but they were being watched and they were only there for show. Sure, they made some decisions, but Brynden made sure that they didn’t think of anything stupid. Though with King Trevas dead, Brynden imagined they didn’t have the strength nor courage to speak against him. They were beaten down and weak, so Brynden didn’t worry about leaving them in the West while they figured out what to do.

Undoubtedly, there were many men that would like to have the West after everything they’d done for Brynden in the war. He could name a few Lords that had pretty much expected the West to be handed to them, and Brynden imagined that they were probably quite angry at him for never receiving it. Brynden didn’t feel bad, though, since he’d never promised it to anyone. That is, except for Sarisa.

Since they’d had no contact whatsoever, Brynden had forgotten mostly about her. But now after the letter they’d received, Brynden feared she would haunt his mind for a while now. He didn’t want her, but they had shared something that he couldn’t quite explain. Aryana was the one for him, but what happened between him and Sarisa was something that Brynden couldn’t explain.

Apparently, Sarisa wanted the West now. Brynden had no issue in giving it to her, since he didn’t have anyone else in mind and obviously a Bryne would be suitable. He trusted Sarisa, too, and he thought that she would do good in the West. In a way, he also imagined that they could easily form a strong alliance between Aeredale and Nilfgaard, because of whatever they’d shared before. Either way, Brynden was quick to agree, though he had to convince the men around him that yes, it was a good idea.

Telling Aryana wasn’t something that he was thrilled about, since Brynden remembered how she’d felt after what had happened. There was nothing between them now and this was strictly politics, but Brynden did feel a little wary. He didn’t want Aryana to mistrust him and take his decisions the wrong way. Brynden hadn’t forgotten about Sarisa, but she didn’t matter to him, not really.

Now with his fingers loosening the knot of his cloak that held it around his neck Brynden tried to figure out if telling her was a good idea at all. No, it had to be. Her finding out on her own might just make her think that Brynden had something to hide from her, when he didn’t. This was good and the right choice, Brynden just had to think of a way to phrase it. Surely Aryana would understand that this wasn’t anything other than promises being kept.

“Sarisa wants it.”

“What?”

“What?”

"Are you giving it to her?"

“I am.”

It wasn’t a big deal at all, but Brynden felt like his marriage would fall apart if he’d say the wrong word. Aryana wasn’t like that, though. At least not anymore. He doubted that she’d get angry at this, but he couldn’t help but worry, because of everything that had happened. It didn’t seem irrational to him to do that. When Aryana grew quiet, it only made Brynden fear her more.

“Is that a problem?” Brynden asked after a while, hanging his cloak while he kept his eyes just about everywhere except on Aryana.

"I suppose I'm just not very fond of her."

“Well, you don’t know her.”

"But I know what you did to her, and what she did to you."

“That’s irrelevant.”

What did matter was that Sarisa was smart and capable, or at least Brynden thought so. He felt like giving the West to her was the right thing to do, also because Brynden felt like he owed Sarisa after everything she’d done in regards to his mother. She had been kind to her, been there for her when nobody else had and Brynden appreciated that immensely.

“Oh really? Since when did you become so fond of the Brynes?”

“She’s about as much as a Bryne as you and me,” Brynden said as he pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it somewhere.

"And now you're defending her after what she did to us."

“She didn’t do anything,” Brynden said, sitting down on the edge of the bed while kicking off his boots.

At that, Aryana grew quiet and Brynden thought for a while before looking up at her. Her opinion didn’t really matter in the long run, because this was already decided and everything was being dealt with as they spoke. Brynden felt bad that Aryana obviously didn’t like this, but this was bigger than personal feelings. It was politics and it was a promise that Brynden wanted to keep.

“You’ve never even spoken to her.”
 
The thought of Sarisa was one Aryana wished to forget. It had happened a long time ago, and she had mostly forgotten about the woman who had slept with Brynden. Hearing her name sparked up old emotions, and Aryana wished that Brynden would have shown her mercy and not started this conversation with her.

Aryana could lie and tell him that she thought it was a good idea, but she would never like the thought of having Sarisa in the West. It was silly of her to let her personal feelings cloud her judgement, but Aryana wished she could have helped it as she did not want to argue with Brynden. Still she couldn’t help her feelings towards Sarisa. He had to understand how deeply that had cut, and how it was difficult for her to even think of being supportive of the plan. Aryana grew frustrated with herself, but she believed that it wasn’t her fault for feeling that way.

“Of course I haven’t,” Aryana scoffed.

Why would she have spoken to the woman who had slept with Brynden behind her back? Aryana trusted Brynden now. She was certain that he wouldn’t do anything stupid to ruin their marriage. But no matter how much she trusted him, the sound of her name made her heart sink to her stomach as her happiness dwindled.

"Exactly."

“But I can’t help the way I feel about her.”

"I realise that. I'm sorry."

When Brynden rose from the bed to approach her, but Aryana looked away. Old memories of what they had been like, all their fights and arguments flourished in her mind. It had broken her heart when he had chosen to sleep with Sarisa. He knew that very well as she had foolishly stabbed him because of it. Aryana didn’t appreciate his defensive behaviour towards Sarisa because it was so easy for her to take it personally after everything that had happened, and she couldn’t stop the silly questions that rushed through her mind.

Would Brynden visit her? Choose Sarisa over her?

Brynden cupped her face, but Aryana found herself lost in her own mind. It was probably strictly political, and still, she found ways to make it personal. Her mind worked tricks on her, and it appeared like Brynden was only giving Sarisa the West because of their past relationship. Deep down, Aryana knew that wasn’t true. She trusted him.

“Will you visit her now?”

"I imagine I might have to see her one day, but I can send someone else in my place, if that would make you feel better."

“I trust you, Brynden. I do, but I suppose I let my personal feelings get in the way.”

"I figured. You don't have anything to worry about, though, and you don't have to hate Sarisa for the rest of your life. There's no point."

What Sarisa had done with Brynden wasn’t entirely her fault. Aryana realised that as Brynden was the culprit. She had been angry with both of them, but since she had been able to forgive Brynden, she should have been able to forgive Sarisa as well. But since she didn’t know Sarisa, it was much easier for her to put all the blame on her and let herself grow to hate her, but Aryana knew it was wrong. She didn’t want to stand in the way for the opportunity of a united Aedighar where everyone could work together.

“I know,” Aryana agreed.

"It's just politics,” he reassured her while stroking her fingers against her cheek.

“I trust you. Just promise me that if you ever leave Nilfgaard, you will always come back to me. No matter what.”

"Of course, Aryana."

Brynden leaned in to kiss her, and Aryana didn’t hesitate to kiss him back. They were having a child together. She knew that he wouldn’t leave her, and if he had to discuss politics with Sarisa or anyone else, Aryana knew he would always come back to his family, his home. After everything, she knew how important that was to him.

While they kissed, Brynden stroked his fingers against her skin. Aryana wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed as close as she could get to his body. With only the fabric of her dress between them, she felt how warm his skin was, and now she wished they could forget everything about Sarisa and lay down to relax. But Aryana knew that it wouldn’t be smart for her to forget about everything. She had to move on from it, forgive them both, but not forget. After a brief moment, Aryana pulled away from the kiss, sighing as she took a step away from him.

“Do you think she will do good in the West?”

"I think she will."

“I’ll just have to trust your word that she will do good,” Aryana shrugged.
 
Obviously personal feelings were getting in the way for both of them. Perhaps Brynden shouldn’t have given the West to Sarisa, but he did feel like she’d be capable in it. Undoubtedly he felt a little bit more obligated to do this because of everything that had happened, but overall Brynden did feel like this was the right choice. Sarisa was a Bryne after all and the people would like having someone they knew get the West, especially since Sarisa was nothing like her parents.

Really, from everything that Brynden had heard and seen, Sarisa would make fine in the West. She’d just have to learn the ins and outs of everything, but everyone would’ve had to do that. It would be fine in the end and Brynden was confident in his choice. Sarisa was smart, she’d pick up on everything rather quickly. Though Brynden doubted that he’d ever go to Aeredale to visit her or allow her to come to Nilfgaard. That didn’t sound like a good idea.

“Exactly, you have to trust me,” Brynden mumbled and leant down so that he could kiss her again.

They kissed and Aryana moved her arms around him. He wanted to pick her up and carry her back to bed, but Brynden figured it might make her uncomfortable with that belly. Brynden was happy that he’d spoken about Sarisa and that they were over it. He could focus on Aryana now and the child, which is how he preferred to spend his evenings.

“Want to lay down?”

At that, Aryana nodded and Brynden smiled as he kissed her forehead and pulled away from her. He finished gettings undressed before slipping under the furs. Gods, it always felt so nice to lay down after a long day. It felt like his muscles were crying from joy once he got to stretch out. All Brynden was missing was Aryana under his arm, but she quickly got into the bed with him, smiling just a little.

“Hey,” Brynden mumbled, moving his fingers under her chin as he watched her. Aryana chuckled at that and Brynden leant in to kiss her cheek, “are you going to sleep in that dress?”

“I’m lazy,” Aryana shrugged.

“Am I supposed to do it for you?”

"Or you can let me sleep in my dress."

“But would I do that?”

“I don’t know.”

It made Brynden chuckle and he shrugged a little as he turned on his side so that he could wrap his arms around Aryana and press against his side. It was a little unfair, but Brynden didn’t really care. He’d try to survive this somehow. Aryana wrapped an arm around him and stroked her fingers against his back, while he rested his hand on top of her stomach.

The child seemed to notice that, because Brynden felt movement against his hand which made him chuckle. It seemed like whoever it was in there was quite strong already. He couldn’t enjoy it for too long, though, because Aryana pulled away from him so that she could undress. Brynden turned on his stomach and rested his head on his arms while he watched her.

Eventually, Aryana came back and Brynden turned on his side again. He thought the pregnancy was making her even more beautiful. Now that they knew that everything was alright, Aryana seemed to be truly happy and she looked so wonderful then. Since Aryana was on her back, Brynden laid against her side again, so Aryana wrapped her arm around him and kissed his head.

Though Brynden wasn’t as tired as usual, he could usually fall asleep quite quickly in Aryana’s arms. They were so comforting that he couldn’t help it. This time he’d try to stay up a little while longer if she wanted, though. Brynden smiled and nuzzled his face against her neck, moving his arm to lay over her middle. It was so nice and relaxing when Aryana kept rubbing her fingers against his back and shoulders.

“I wish I could just stay here with you and not bother with meetings and the like.”

“Me too.”

“It’s a shame I can’t.”

Now Brynden would work thoroughly, but he imagined he’d be able to stop that after the child was born. He just wanted a few days or maybe a few weeks with Aryana and their child, and Brynden didn’t think that was unreasonable. Back when his siblings were born, Brynden knew that father also neglected his duties and nothing bad had come of it. He just wanted to be with his wife and child for a while, Brynden figured the people would understand.

"I have tried to get used to it, but I don't think I ever will."

“I’m sorry, Aryana. I’m trying to be with you as often as I can.”

"I know. I'm grateful for that."

“Good.”

Though so far Brynden was quite good at managing both spending time with Aryana and ruling. It was just that some days were worse than others and most of the time he didn’t have that much energy, but it was alright. It could’ve been worse than this, and at least Brynden could spend a few hours a day with Aryana.
 
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Nameday
Chapter CLIX
House Hastwyck
Sow knowledge, reap wisdom.
Santrella, Southern lands of Aedighar
​
Time had flown by since Connas had been born. A few days before his nameday, he had started walking. The sight of him stumbling around was quite amusing, and the smile tugging at her lips never faded. Knowing that her son would celebrate his first nameday was quite the emotional experience. He was growing up so fast. Leanah knew that soon enough he would start talking and have a mind of his own. That sensation was overwhelming, and she thought she could have cried when she woke up that morning on his nameday.

The whole castle was decorated for him. In the Great Hall, every table had been set, and vases of flowers stood on every surface. Everything was detailed with gold and orange, the colours reminding her of the desert sky in the morning. Since it was only his first nameday, Leanah had told her mother she would prefer to keep it simple.

Leanah found no need to make it extravagant and spend too much gold on something Connas would most likely never recall. If anything, this day was more for her and Adian than Connas himself. She predicted that their son would be more happy about the food than the gifts and decorations. Gods, he already had so many toys.

The thought of the gifts exhausted Leanah as she could only imagine the mess Connas would make.

During the feast, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. Only with the slight crowd of people around her did Leanah get reminded of the one person missing from the celebration. Suddenly she looked longingly over at Elias who sat with a couple of men in the very back of the hall. He seemed lost as well by his empty expression.

Arthor had left them.

Whenever they fought, they would always find their way back to each other. Leanah thought that there was a chance a drunken Arthor would come knocking at her door to apologise, but it never happened. He had left them both, and she found it hard to believe that she would never see him again. Connas would never see him again.

Her heart longed for him. Leanah wanted him to come back, but she knew she had to move on. Arthor would never be the person he had once been, and she had struggled to accept that for quite some time now. Perhaps this would help her realise that it was for the better that he was gone, but she couldn’t help the sudden change in the atmosphere that made her smile fade. Even when she looked at Connas, she felt heavy. He looked more and more like Arthor for every day that passed, and she wished he had been here to see their son grow up.

Neither did the words in the letter make it any better. Arthor loved her. Of course he did, and Leanah loved him as well. They had been friends for a long time, and then lovers before they became parents. All their memories would be cherished, and she made sure to keep the letter in a hidden place so no one would find it.

Leanah wanted to tell Connas all about his father. How brave he was, but how much of a coward he could be. How loving he could be, but also how he was an idiot at times. Through everything bad Arthor had ever done, Leanah thought that she had seen something in him that no one had seen. All her mother saw was the culprit who had hurt her feelings while Adian saw the man who had tried to force himself on her. Leanah thought Arthor was an emotional person, struggling to find himself in life and that was why he acted the way he did.

Was it smart of her to forgive him for that? Some would certainly call her foolish for it.

While she sat by the table, Leanah had taken Connas into her arms to sit on her lap. With a small spoon, she fed him some of the stew in a small bowl that someone had made for him. He seemed to like it as he kept waving his hands in the air and the stew had gotten all over his shirt. She brought her thumb down to wipe off the piece of carrot that had stuck to his cheek, reaching for a napkin with her other hand to dry her hand off before she began to wipe Connas down. Usually she would have chuckled, but she only felt sad that Arthor wasn’t here.

Would he ever come back? Leanah doubted it.

When she looked over at Adian, he seemed happy. That brought some ease to her mind as that was all she wanted. Leanah wished she could share his happiness, but she felt so strange since Arthor was no longer with them in the South. Still she managed to smile at him as she stopped feeding Connas.

“Are you happy?” Leanah asked.

"Yes. Are you?" Adian asked as he wrapped his arm around her.

“Not as happy as I should be.”

"Oh."

Of course Leanah was happy for Connas. She felt so proud, but she couldn’t help the slight sting in her chest that came whenever she thought about Arthor. Adian had to understand that she had lost someone who meant a lot to her, and now she had lost that someone for good. That was a lot for her to take in and move on from.

"Is it because of him?"

“Yes, but I’ll get over it.”

"I'm sorry, Leanah. This is Connas' day, though. That's what you should focus on."

“I know,” Leanah sighed and watched as Adian reached over to touch Connas’ cheek.

Connas looked overjoyed. While most of the guests were too busy eating and drinking, Connas looked as if he was on top of the world as he sat there in her lap. Leanah was happy for him. He was her son, but he also reminded her so much of Arthor. She still loved him and would cherish him until the end of her days, but it would take some time for her to move on from Arthor and everything they had shared together. It would get easier, and she was certain that it would since Arthor was no longer around to tempt her or hurt her.
 
For the last few days all Adian had been able to think about was how quickly Connas was growing up. It seemed just a few weeks ago that he had first seen the boy. Gods, he’d been so tiny then. Now Connas was already taking his first unsure steps and growing every day, it was both sad and amazing at the same time. Adian wished Connas could stay this small and cute forever.

It was already Connas’ first nameday. The whole castle was in a high mood and that made Adian happy. They were all so cheerful for Connas and he loved that. The boy deserved to be celebrated and Adian hoped that he would be happy, though this likely didn’t mean much to him. To Connas, this would just be a day where he’d get maybe a few more toys for his collection and not much else. That was alright, though.

Only when Leanah told him that she was upset did he notice it, and suddenly Adian felt bad for forgetting. Arthor had left one night and nobody had seen him and Sarisa apart from a few stable boys. A part of Adian was glad, but he didn’t know if this would be good. It seemed like his departure greatly upset both Leanah and Elias, even Lady Carlys seemed rather shaken by it. Maybe this was for the best, though. Adian hoped that it was.

“I know it hurts, but you’ll be alright. You, Elias and Connas, you’ll be alright.”

"Thank you for always being here for me."

“Of course, Leanah.”

There was no way that Adian would let her deal with this all alone. She needed his help and Adian was happy to give it to her. All Adian wanted was for Leanah to be alright, and he needed to be there for her for that to happen. Now he had Elias to worry about, too, but Adian didn’t find it too hard to try to keep both of them sane. Arthor had left them both quite broken, but Adian was confident that over time all those wounds would heal.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Adian smiled and kissed her cheek.

Even though they were going through a hard moment in their life, Adian obviously still loved her and he thought he was incredibly lucky to have married her. Some men would probably not think the same, but Adian didn’t care because everything they’d gone through was bearable when he had Leanah by his side. He loved having her as his wife, even if it was difficult at times.

Adian watched as Leanah raised Connas up so that he could look at him. He waved at Connas and chuckled a little. Gods, Connas didn’t even know everyone in the hall was gathered for him. One day, he’d rule over the South and that was so strange to imagine. Adian didn’t know how he’d ever be able to look at Connas and think about him as a ruler, not as the child that was right in front of him. Did all parents feel like that?

“He won’t remember any of this,” Adian mumbled and chuckled, stroking Connas’ hair.

"I know, but he's happy."

“He is,” Adian smiled.

At least Connas didn’t seem to notice Arthor’s absence. Would the knight ever come back? Adian almost hoped that he wouldn’t, because he thought that without him around they might be better. But what if Leanah and Elias would never quite move on from him? Wouldn’t it be best for him to come back then? It was all so confusing and conflicting, Adian didn’t know what to think and how to feel.

"I hope he'll sleep through the whole night with all this energy he's burning."

“Oh, he will. Or at least I hope so,” Adian chuckled.

"Let's pray he will."

“Let’s,” Adian chuckled and tickled Connas.

The fact that Arthor was his real father didn’t bother Adian at all. He didn’t care, since he saw Connas as his son regardless. Now Arthor wasn’t really an issue anymore, unless he’d ever come back. Adian didn’t think about that, though. He wasn’t sure if they’d still end up telling Connas about Arthor, but he’d just go along with whatever Leanah would decide. Either way, Connas was Adian’s son, even if not by blood.

When Adian tickled him, Connas laughed so loud that some people turned their heads. Adian wasn’t quite sure how such a small human could make a loud noise like that, but by this point he was used to it. Apparently, Leanah had been quite the same. Adian had been rather quiet and he still was, so this was all Leanah and Arthor. He thought it was adorable, though, and it made him laugh too.

“We never danced on our wedding day.”

“That’s right,” Adian nodded, chuckling, “I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive you for that.”

“Please.”

“Make it up to me now and I might just forgive you. Maybe.”
 
Their wedding day had been filled with sadness. Leanah recalled how distraught she had been since she had found out she was carrying Connas. Looking back at everything, she was glad she had told everything to Adian before it had been too late. She wished that their wedding day had been perfect, but they were happy now, and Leanah knew it was unnecessary to think about the past and dwell on it. They loved each other, but she wanted to make it up to him and give him the dance she should have given him on their wedding day.

“I’ll take Connas to my mother,” Leanah said as she rose from the chair with Connas in her arms.

Her mother sat close to them, and Leanah walked over to her with a smile on her lips as she asked her if she would mind watching over Connas for a while. Perhaps there was no need to ask since her mother took Connas without hesitation, and Leanah looked over at Adian who now stood beside her before taking her hand.

The last time she had danced with anyone was with Arthor on her nameday. Leanah pushed that memory far from her mind as Arthor was the last person she wanted to think of now. While Adian walked with her over to the empty space in the hall, Leanah held onto his hand so tightly. Since most of the guests were busy with their food and wine, they were alone, but she preferred that. The music in the background was light, almost romantic in a way and Leanah chuckled as she stopped in front of him. Was Adian any good at this?

Perhaps Adian was horrible at dancing.

But when they began swaying around on the floor together, Leanah knew Adian was a good partner to dance with. She couldn’t stop smiling as she looked at him with wide eyes. Adian had the most beautiful eyes in Aedighar. Too often did she find herself lost in his gaze, thinking of how lucky she was to be his wife.

“I thought you were going to be horrible,” she chuckled.

"That's quite rude of you."

“Well, in my defence, I have never seen you dance before.”

"Your loss."

Leanah chuckled again when Adian twirled her around. If people were watching them, they must have thought she was strange for constantly smiling and chuckling, but Adian made her happy. He made her forget everything about Arthor and focus on him instead. Once he pulled her close to him and they began to sway slowly on the floor, Leanah kept her hands against the back of his neck as she followed his rhythm. Gently she stroked her fingers against his skin, and she wanted to kiss him but resisted that urge for now.

“I can’t get enough of you,” Leanah mumbled.

If only they could both forget about Arthor now and focus on strengthening their marriage, Leanah imagined they would be happy for the rest of their lives together. Adian leaned down to press a kiss against her cheek, and now she couldn’t resist nudging her face against his until she could kiss his lips. She smiled against his lips when he returned the kiss, and moved her hands to his shoulders. They continued to sway around while sharing a kiss, and Leanah wished she had done this earlier. It was so sensual and romantic.

“I love you,” Adian said once they pulled away from the kiss.

“I love you too. I’m so in love with you, Adian. I’m the luckiest woman in Aedighar.”

Adian chuckled, and Leanah was glad to see the happiness glimmer in his eyes. Now she wanted to dance with him and perhaps they could visit the gardens. She wanted to walk through them with him while the sun slowly sank towards the horizon, but maybe he had grown tired of the gardens. Not that they could leave yet, but she wanted to go there with him once the feast was over. Hopefully they would catch the last rays of sunshine.

“Have you grown tired of the gardens?”

"Not yet, no."

“Do you want to visit them later?”

"Maybe not today,” Adian chuckled.

“That’s okay.”

They could visit them another day. Leanah had wanted to make this day very special for all of them. They could have taken Connas with them if he looked awake enough for it, but she understood that perhaps Adian didn’t want to do that today. And maybe she was a little too obsessed with the gardens. Not that she could help it.

"Tomorrow,” Adian smiled.

“Maybe.”

Adian leaned down to kiss her and Leanah wrapped her arms around his neck as she pressed her chest against his. Too soon did he pull away from the kiss, but he hugged her close to him as they swayed together again. Leanah smiled against his skin as she nuzzled her face against him. Gods she was lucky.
 
JIZOCQp.gif

Friends Helping Friends.
Chapter CLX
House Hastwyck
Sow knowledge, reap wisdom.
Santrella, Southern lands of Aedighar
​
At least Leanah was doing better. She wasn’t doing great, but Adian thought that soon enough everything would be back to normal with her. Though Adian wasn’t going to just leave her alone now and he would keep trying to make sure that she was on the right track. He didn’t want her to grow neglectful again or fall into one of her moods. Adian just wanted her to be happy and he was glad to see that she was doing better than before.

Would this change the way Leanah looked at Connas? Adian hoped that that wouldn’t happen. He thought that Connas would look more like Arthor as he grew older, since he already had some of his features, and Adian only hoped that Leanah wouldn’t take that to heart. It wasn’t Connas’ fault that he looked like Arthor, and Adian didn’t want him to be treated differently because he reminded Leanah of someone who wasn’t there anymore.

While Leanah was getting better slowly, Elias didn’t seem to move on all that much or even not at all. Adian didn’t see too much of him, but whenever they did meet and talk, it was obvious that Elias was still grieving. He really only showed up to offer to watch Connas for them, which was nice of him, but over time Adian just started to feel bad. It felt like they were using him and not really giving that much back, though both Leanah and he tried to talk to Elias and care for him how they could.

Though Adian didn’t agree with their relationship, he understood that losing someone like Arthor must’ve been terrible for Elias. They had known each other for years now and Adian didn’t think it’d be easy for Elias to move on from this. He wasn’t sure how he could help, though, or if he could even do that at all. Adian wanted to try, though, because now he considered Elias a friend and friends helped each other.

Since Leanah was busy with Connas, Adian thought that today was a good day for him and Elias to just spend some time together. It was usually all four of them or them with either Leanah or Connas. Adian thought that it’d do them some good to just be alone for a while. Talking in private usually helped a lot more, from Adian’s experience at least. He just wanted to help Elias move on from this, even just a little.

Regardless of Adian’s status, he wanted to be kind and considerate, so he knocked on Elias’ door when he went to stand in front of it. Adian wasn’t the sort of person to just barge into someone’s private space, because first of all it was very rude and he thought of himself as a polite man. When Elias opened the door, Adian smiled and nodded his head a little as he greeted him, “Elias.”

“Lord Adian.”

“Are you busy?”

“No.”

“Can I come in?”

“Of course.”

The one thing that Adian had noticed was that Elias was incredibly messy. It took him a lot of strength not to walk around and just tidy up his room a little bit. Keeping everything clean was a bit of a habit, so Adian couldn’t even leave Connas’ toys scattered around the room for a minute after he’d stopped playing. Being in Elias’ room was a challenge, honestly, and Adian tried to ignore the urge to fix all of this.

“How are you?” Adian asked as he stopped in front of his desk, sitting down on the chair.

“I’m alright.”

“Are you feeling any better?”

“Not really.”

“Let’s talk, Elias. It’ll do you good.”

At that, Adian got up from the chair while Elias went to sit down on the bed. Adian genuinely thought that talking was the best way to deal with problems, so he hoped it would really help Elias as well. He hated seeing him so upset, though they were only recently getting to know each other.

"I don't know what there is to say."

“Talk about what’s on your mind,” Adian shrugged, sitting down on the bed beside him.

“Arthor is on my mind.”

“I figured,” Adian sighed, looking over at Elias.

Just like Leanah, Elias had to move on from Arthor and realise that he was gone. There was nothing left to do and Adian didn’t want him to stop living just because Arthor wasn’t by his side anymore. Surely Elias had other things to busy his mind with, no? Even if it was taking care of Connas, Adian just wanted Elias to find something for himself and find happiness if he can.

“It isn’t easy to forget a person I have known for so long.”

“I know, Elias. You won’t forget him now and maybe you won’t forget him at all, but you can’t live like this.”

"He left me."

“He did and I’m so sorry, Elias. He left all of you and none of you deserved that.”

It was obvious from his voice that Elias was so deeply pained by this. Adian didn’t understand how Arthor could just leave Leanah and Elias like that. It was truly cruel of him, but maybe it was better this way and they just have to get through this rough period.

"I hope he's happy."

“We can all hope that. You deserve to be happy, too.”
 
All the promises they had made to each other had been broken. Elias had always thought that Arthor would be in his life until the end of their days. They belonged to one another. Arthor was the love of his life, and that would never change. No matter how much it pained him that Arthor had treated him like he didn’t matter, Elias knew that he would always love him. Knowing that Arthor had left him hurt more than Elias could begin to explain. He wanted to find him, tell him that they had to fix their problems and get back together again.

But that was selfish. Elias had to let him go if that was what Arthor wanted.

Lord Adian seemed to want to help him, but Elias never knew what to say when he spent time with him and Leanah. What was there to say? He had lost the most important person in his life because of something that surely could have been fixed had Elias been more patient with Arthor.

Elias had been so selfish towards Arthor when he had ended his friendship with Leanah. He should have understood that it was tough for Arthor to handle that situation and that he needed time alone. If only there was a way to tell Arthor that now, that he understood and that it was okay. Elias wanted Arthor to come back, but he never did. Still he often waited for him. Too often did he walk over to his room to check if he was there, but he wasn’t, and Elias wondered if he was having a nightmare and soon he would wake up.

Soon he would wake up in Arthor’s embrace with his soft lips against his skin. Elias would smile at him and tell him how much he loved him, but that never came either. He never woke up. Wherever he was, he was stuck in a hellish nightmare that would never end, and Elias thought that he couldn’t take it anymore.

Now that Adian had visited him, Elias wondered if he even understood how tough it was. He barely knew anything about Adian even if he seemed to consider them as friends. Elias doubted he understood, but he never told him that as he didn’t want to seem ungrateful for his willingness to help. At least he wasn’t alone.

“I suppose.”

"You do."

Adian touched his shoulder, and Elias closed his eyes as he tried to imagine that it was Arthor that sat next to him. It was easy when it became quiet in the room. Elias imagined that Arthor was the one touching him, comforting him. Too easily he could have turned to press their lips together, but when Elias opened his eyes and turned his gaze towards Adian, reality hit him, and he looked away. Arthor would never come back to him. Why would he? Elias was a terrible person to be around, and he should have been more supportive of him.

“Okay,” Elias mumbled.

"You can't let this stop you from living your life, Elias."

“I don’t have a life anymore.”

"Don't say that,” Adian said as he moved his arm around his shoulder.

“It’s true.”

"It's not. It feels like it's over for you, but it's not."

None of the words Adian said mattered to Elias. He had lost the love of his life. He had lost his life when Arthor had decided to leave him. There was really no point for him to live anymore. When Adian began rubbing his shoulder, Elias grew uncomfortable as he could only think about Arthor. He pulled away and shook his head at the words Adian had said.

"It's true,” Adian sighed.

“I want him to come back to me.”

"He's not good for you."

“Perhaps he wasn’t, but no one knows Arthor like I do, and he’s not a bad person.”

"None of this is what a good person would do, Elias."

“He doesn’t do it on purpose. He doesn’t hurt people because he wants to.”

Arthor was a troubled man. Elias thought that he had always been like that in one way or another, but he was certain that Arthor never did anything on purpose to be cruel. A bad person would purposefully hurt people, but Arthor wasn’t a bad person. He had his problems, but Elias thought he was the only one who could see through that act and see a vulnerable person, insecure and afraid. Of course Adian didn’t understand that as he didn’t know Arthor like he did, but Elias didn’t like hearing that he was a bad person anymore.

"But he still does it."

“He’s not a bad person. He does stupid fucking things, but he’s not a bad person.”

Adian only shrugged, and Elias rose from the bed to walk away from him. What was the point in talking about this if no one would listen to him? He wanted to forgive Arthor, as he knew that he had done some stupid things as well. He had been selfish. They had both been selfish, but he still believed it was his fault that Arthor had left.

"I realise he was your friend for a long time, so you probably don't like hearing me say all that. I'm just telling you what I think of him, is all. I tried to like him, but he made it very hard for me to do that."

“I understand that.”
 
Though Adian had tried to like Arthor, it just wasn’t working. Especially now that he’d left so abruptly, Adian found it hard for him to think good thoughts of Arthor. He understood that Leanah and Elias had obviously had good moments together, but the things Arthor had done were horrible. Adian wanted to forgive and give second chances, but it seemed like Leanah and Elias had given Arthor too many passes.

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

“I think you and Leanah are far too forgiving and naive when it comes to Arthor.”

Coming from Adian, that said quite a lot, since he always wanted to see the good in people and he thought that they could change over time. With Arthor it was different, and Adian thought both Leanah and Elias deserved better than him. Arthor meanwhile didn’t deserve how lenient they had been towards him.

"But I love him,” Elias mumbled and Adian’s heart broke for him. He deserved so much better than this, and Adian genuinely hoped that happiness would come to Elias eventually.

“I know you do,” Adian sighed as he rose from the bed to walk over to Elias.

"I feel like it is all my fault."

“How is it your fault?”

That made no sense to Adian, but he wanted to hear Elias’ point of view on this. This wasn’t his fault, though, Adian was sure of that. This was on Arthor, all of it. This wasn’t neither Elias’, nor Leanah’s fault. He didn’t have to blame himself for choices that Arthor had made. From all that Adian had heard, Elias was a kind man and he doubted that he’d done anything wrong.

"I should have been more understanding."

After Elias said that, he began rambling about all the things he thought he’d done wrong. Adian didn’t think anything made sense, though. Elias didn’t have to blame himself for Arthor’s problems. Gods, it hurt Adian to listen to him, so he walked over to hug him instead. There wasn’t really much he could say right now, but he hoped that this might help a little and also make Elias stop talking.

At least Elias didn’t pull away. Adian didn’t know what he would’ve done then. Elias hugged him so tightly and Adian did the same, rubbing his hand gently against his back to try and soothe him a little bit. He just wanted to help Elias get through this. While Elias nuzzled his face against his neck, Adian kept stroking his back while keeping him close.

“None of this is your fault, Elias.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. You’re a good man, you did the best you could.”

"I feel so lonely."

As far as Adian knew, Elias really only had them. He hadn’t seen him with someone else, nor did Adian know if Elias went out into Santrella at night like other men did. Usually, Elias was alone when Adian saw him and he thought that was part of the problem as well. Leanah had Adian, but Elias had nobody. Arthor had really left him all alone, and they had to fix that.

“We’re all here for you, Elias, and maybe meeting new people would do you some good.”

"I can't seem to get out of my room unless I feel like I seriously have to."

“Then you just have to force yourself, otherwise you’ll rot away in there.”

"I'd love to rot away."

“Well, I wouldn’t love that at all,” Adian mumbled and chuckled a little, though it wasn’t humourous in any way.

Obviously Elias had dark thoughts, but that came along with the rest of the things he was going through. Surely that would end as well, once he would get better. Leanah had spoken so morbidly as well for a time, and Adian had hated that. He didn’t like anyone talking like this, much less the people that he cared about.

“I don’t want to go out alone.”

“I understand that. I can go with you, if that would make you feel more comfortable.”

"I'd like that."

“Good, let’s do it then.”

With that, Adian pulled away from the hug so that he could smile at Elias. Maybe it would even be fun, though Adian would be occupied with trying to make Elias feel nice. He liked Elias’ company though, and even if he wouldn’t meet anyone knew, Adian thought that they could have some fun together. He hadn’t really been out with a friend in a long time, so this would mean a lot to him as well.

"You're so kind."

“I try,” Adian shrugged and chuckled.

"You are."

“You are too.”

At least that made Elias smile a little at him, which made Adian happy. He really wanted to help Elias get through this, and he would try his best to do just that. Elias deserved kindness and he deserved a good friend, and Adian hoped to be that friend.
 
Everyone deserved to have someone as kind as Adian. Elias felt incredibly lucky to have him by his side through the rough times of his life. A part of him wished that they would have gotten to know each other sooner. He was certain that they would have been great friends from the very first day. It would have been good for him to have friends, and Elias should have realised that long before Arthor had left. He had been too obsessed with Arthor. His whole life had been about Arthor, and Elias knew he should have been more independent.

Adian managed to open his eyes.

Elias knew deep down that none of this was his fault. If anything, he had done everything he could have done in an attempt to help Arthor and their relationship. Nothing had worked, and that wasn’t his fault. Elias knew he had been a good friend and a lover to Arthor. He had been the best, and it was Arthor’s loss that they were no longer together. At least he tried to convince himself of that while he also attempted to smile at Adian. Leanah was very lucky to have him as well as he imagined her pain was just as great as his own pain.

“I was good to him. For years I was the best he ever had. I don’t think he realised that,” Elias sighed.

"Probably not and that's why he treated you so badly."

“I suppose you’re right. Do you think it’s strange that I loved him?”

"Yes. Love's a bit strange in general, though."

Love had always been strange. Elias had fallen for Antra so quickly without even realising it. Never had he thought that he would fall for a Lady who now ruled over Aedighar as the Queen. Gods, how he missed her now. He was certain that he would have to visit her. He should have visited her a long time ago, but perhaps it was too late. What if she had already moved on? Elias wondered if it would be for the better if he left her alone to her husband. The last thing he wanted to happen was to ruin her marriage.

“It is,” Elias nodded.

"You deserve someone who would treat you as good as you treat them."

“If only I can find that someone.”

"I'm sure you can, but you have to try. You won't find them in this mess."

“That’s true,” Elias said and looked around in his room and the mess it had become.

"Before we go out, we're going to clean your room."

Elias had always been a messy person when it came to his room. Even while in the North, his tent had always been filled with books and pieces of parchment laying all over the place. It wasn’t much different now, and he was certain that servants had given up on his room when it came to cleaning it.

“Fuck,” Elias sighed.

"Sorry."

“I know you’re right, though.”

"Good, I am,” Adian nodded.

“But not right now,” Elias said as he walked over to his bed to sit down onto the mattress.

"Fine,” Adian groaned.

If Adian wanted to help him clean his room, Elias imagined they could do it some other time when he felt more like himself. Perhaps it would make him feel better to not live in a mess, though, but Elias did not have the energy to start cleaning now. It sounded too fucking exhausting for him.

“I promise we will clean when I feel a little better.”

"Alright, deal,” Adian said and sat down next to him.

“When do you have to go back to your wife?”

"I'm not sure. I can stay with you, if you need me,” Adian smiled.

“I need you.”

"I'm here."

Elias hoped he wasn’t going too far as he leaned onto Adian. He needed comfort and Adian was the only person he wanted that comfort from now. But Adian didn’t seem to mind as he wrapped his arm around his shoulders. Now he thought about Darron as well who he had lost. It was strange how the war had made him lose everyone he cared about. Elias felt cursed because he no longer had anyone, but he was glad that he had Adian now who would stay here for him. It made him feel loved and appreciated.

“Don’t you think this is strange?”

"What?"

“That you’re holding me.”

"I'm helping you,” Adian shrugged.

“Good.”

Adian nodded, and Elias hoped it wouldn’t get strange between them. All he knew was that he had to push his memories with Arthor away and stop thinking about him. It made him crave things from Adian that were wrong, and he wanted their friendship to be just that, a friendship. Elias knew he was foolish for thinking of such things, but it wasn’t as if he could help it. He closed his eyes, trying not to worry too much about it as he leaned his head against Adian’s shoulder. Now he only hoped he could stay here for a while.
 
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Yan.
Chapter CLXI
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar
​
The last few days hadn’t even felt real. The second the Maester pulled him out of a meeting to tell him what was going on, Brynden felt like he was in a daze. They did tell him that technically the husband shouldn’t be present for this, but Brynden didn’t really listen to any of that. How could he stay away from Aryana now? He wanted to be there for her and help if he could.

It had been so terrifying, honestly. Brynden wasn’t entirely sure how Aryana managed to do it, but he admired her for this. He was afraid that something would go wrong, but that didn’t happen. When the child stayed quiet, Brynden feared that it wasn’t alive, but then it cried so loudly and Brynden had never heard anything nicer than that. It was a boy and they named him Yan, after Brynden’s father.

It felt right to do that, since the war had started with the death of Yan Rhyne, and they might as well end it with the birth of a boy with the same name. Gods, so much had happened and Brynden didn’t know if some of it had even been real. It almost felt like he hadn’t truly been there, that he’d only watched it all happen in front of him from the side.

Now Brynden was neglecting his work just so that he could spend all of his hours with Aryana and Yan. She looked so beautiful, though it was obvious that it had been hard for her to do this. Brynden wanted to take care of her now, so he forced her to rest while he took care of Yan for her. She needed to let her body heal after this, since it had taken a lot out of it to bring Yan into this world.

Once Brynden would die, Yan would inherit Nilfgaard and the whole North. That was still quite far away in the future, but Brynden wanted to make sure that Yan would be ready to take over once the time would come. He’d teach him everything, but Brynden wanted Yan to have a happy childhood that wasn’t filled with just learning about the ins and outs of being a lord. They had to balance all of that out a little bit.

Nobody really bothered them, apart from Aryana’s handmaidens every now and then. Brynden had made it very clear that he wasn’t going to do his duties for a while now, so everything was happening without him. He didn’t think there was anything wrong with that, as Yan and Aryana were much more important to him now than anything else. Family had always been his top priority, after all.

“I can’t believe he’s really here.”

While Brynden laid on the bed on his stomach, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Yan. He was a father, that was such a strange thing to realise. Brynden loved Yan and he would protect him, and he hoped that he would be a good parent to him. He knew that Aryana would do great, there was no doubt in his mind about that. She would be amazing, and Yan would be so loved by both of them.

“I know.”

Not only was Brynden so lucky to be a father, he was also incredibly fortunate to have Aryana as a wife. They had been through a lot together, but now it felt like they were really good for each other. Brynden felt happy with her and he thought that she was happy with him. He hoped it would stay that way, because Brynden loved having Aryana as his wife.

“You’re amazing.”

“Thank you,” Aryana chuckled.

Brynden leant up on his hands so that he could lean in to kiss Aryana. He couldn’t really express himself well enough with his words right now, so this would have to do to show Aryana how much this all meant for him. They kissed and it made him smile so much that eventually Brynden had to pull away, chuckling as he laid back down. He watched Yan and reached over to stroke his fingers against his little cheek.

“He’s perfect.”

“He really is,” Brynden agreed and chuckled a little, “I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to go back to work.”

Eventually, Brynden would have to go back to his daily routine of only really showing up during the evening hours. There was nothing that he could do about that, and they would all just have to deal with it. Brynden hoped that he could still find a lot of time for his family, so he’d try to do his best. He wished he could stay with them all day and night, but that wasn’t really possible.
 
All her prayers had been answered. Nothing bad had happened during the last few days of her pregnancy and Aryana deemed herself lucky for having such a calm day to give birth on. Yan was perfect in every way. From the moment she saw him, she knew that Yan was the most beautiful child she had ever seen. She loved him more than anything, and no matter how many times Brynden had said that he did not mind what their child would be, Aryana was glad that she had given him a son. It gave everyone some closure.

Yan had pretty blue eyes and slight strands of the whitest hair Aryana had seen. His cheeks were so plump and red, but since Yan had just been born, he didn’t do much except sleep and eat. But even watching Yan sleep made her feel mesmerised with him. The only time she could look away would be to meet Brynden’s gaze.

Spending these days with Brynden felt blissful. They were a family, and Aryana was glad that Brynden sacrificed work to be with them. Even if he had to go back to work one day, Aryana would take care of Yan and make sure that Brynden had one happy family to come back to in the evenings. He would be a great father no matter how much he would have to work. His sense of duty would surely affect Yan in a good way, and Aryana was certain that Yan would likely end up just like his father.

That was especially clear whenever Yan slept, and he had such a serious expression on his face. Aryana found it amusing to see their child frown in their sleep just as if he was not amused by the situation. It reminded her of Brynden in a silly way, and even now as Brynden spoke of work, she chuckled at Yan and his silly expression.

“When you come back from work we will always be here to greet you.”

"I hope so,” Brynden chuckled.

“Of course we will. You’re a great father Brynden, and I know you’ll always be a great father.”

Brynden smiled while he watched their son and Aryana found herself lost while keeping her gaze on Brynden. They had been through so much, but for the first time in forever, it felt like their lives were finally perfect. Aryana couldn’t have asked for anything better. Brynden made her feel like the luckiest woman as she got to be his wife and the mother of his child. They belonged together. She thought she would never feel like Brynden was the one for her, but now she couldn’t be more certain that he was.

“Do you see how unamused he looks?” Aryana asked, breaking the silence and looking down at Yan.

"A little,” Brynden chuckled.

“He reminds me of you during a long meeting.”

Brynden rolled his eyes at her before chuckling, “very funny.”

“It’s very clear that he’s your son.”

Even if Yan had gotten her eyes and hair, Aryana thought it was already very apparent that Yan was Brynden’s son. It was too early to say if he looked more like her or him, but in the end, Aryana found it very easy to see the resemblance between Yan and Brynden already. Perhaps she was silly for thinking that, but it seemed to make Brynden very happy. She smiled at him before she looked down at Yan again to stroke her finger against his cheek. Gods, he was so perfect. Aryana knew she would never get enough of this.

They were both too happy. Aryana glanced over at Brynden once he laid down right beside Yan and he had such a big smile on his face as well. This child was all they had ever wanted for each other, what they deserved and now that they finally had their child here, Aryana couldn’t describe what that felt like.

“He’s going to grow up so fast,” Aryana mumbled.

"I know."

“I hope he’ll know that we’ll always love him.”

"He will."

Their son would always be loved. Aryana was certain that Yan would live a happy life in Nilfgaard with them. Hopefully he would have siblings to play with, and she hoped that Brynden wouldn’t go to harsh on him too soon with his future responsibilities as the heir to the North. Aryana wanted Yan to have a good childhood, but she knew it was important for Yan to learn as well. No matter how much she would have liked for him to be carefree, it wouldn’t be possible, and she knew Brynden would teach him everything he knew.

Brynden smiled before leaning down to press a kiss against Yan’s cheek, and Aryana chuckled as she looked at them. They were both perfect, and she wished this moment would last forever. She would never forget how perfect this all felt, and how thankful she was for Brynden and how supportive he had been towards her.

“I’m so lucky to have you, Brynden.”
 
Aryana was completely right and Yan would grow up so fast right before their eyes. It had been like that with his siblings and it would be like that with his child as well, Brynden knew that. It was sad in a way, but that was life and there was nothing he or anyone could do about it. All Brynden could do was make sure that Yan was happy and healthy.

“And I you,” Brynden said and smiled up at Aryana.

There was no doubt in his mind now that Aryana was the right woman for him. He was happy that he’d married her, because they were both obviously happy with each other. Now Brynden would make sure that they’d stay that way for the rest of their lives. Aryana deserved the best life possible, and he wanted to be a good husband for her. He’d take care of her until the end of his days.

"I wouldn't have been able to do this without you."

Maybe that was true, but Brynden thought that Aryana was so strong that she probably would’ve been just fine. He felt like he would be absolutely miserable without her, though. It was because of her that he felt like himself again, after everything that had happened. The war had fucked him up, there was no doubt about that, but Aryana was helping him so much and he would be forever grateful for that.

“I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

There was a big smile on Aryana’s face and Brynden couldn’t help but smile back at her. They made each other so happy, and Brynden would’ve never guessed that would happen from how rocky their beginnings were. It had felt absolutely hopeless at the start, but now they were doing well, much better than Brynden had ever let himself hope. This was all that he’d ever wanted, and he couldn’t explain to Aryana how happy she made him.

Right now, it seemed that Yan looked more like Aryana. At least he had her light hair and blue eyes, but maybe she was right about his expressions being just as serious as Brynden’s. Maybe he was a little bit too serious at times, and perhaps Yan had inherited that. For a lord, that was a good thing, though. They’d have to see that as Yan would grow, though.

Aryana leant down to kiss Yan and Brynden watched her with a smile. She was everything that he’d ever wanted and now she was giving him a family as well. Maybe they could have more children after Yan and have a big family, which was what Brynden had always wanted. Either way, Brynden knew they’d be happy. They seemed right for each other, at least Brynden thought so.

“I can’t get over how beautiful he is.”

“He looks like you.”

"I think he looks like you as well."

“Just a little, maybe.”

"I'm sure he'll be just like you."

“Maybe.”

Brynden wasn’t sure if that was a good idea, because he knew himself, but maybe his good qualities would make up for the bad. He just hoped Yan wouldn’t be as dumb as he was, and that he’d take after Aryana in that case. Really, Brynden would be happier if Yan was more like Aryana than him. She was a little prone to anger, but other than that Brynden thought she was amazing.

When Aryana took Yan in her arms, Brynden sat up so that he could lean against the headboard beside her. He moved his arm around her shoulders, and pressed a kiss against her head before. Aryana leant against him before moving to sit between his legs, leaning back against his chest. Brynden wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder, while he kept his eyes on Yan.

“This is so perfect.”

It really was, Aryana was right. Brynden had never felt as happy as he did now. Nothing could compare to this, really. He thought that his happiest moment would be killing King Trevas, but Brynden couldn’t have been more wrong. This was the happiest he’d ever been. Everything about this was straight out of Brynden’s dreams, and he thought that maybe he’d wake up in a camp somewhere in the Crownlands.

Now that they sat there, it was clear to Brynden just how much he felt for Aryana. She was the light of his life, there was no doubt about it. Brynden couldn’t imagine being without her anymore, and he hoped that he would never have to experience that. He kissed up her neck softly before nuzzling his face into her hair. They were truly lucky to be here with each other. So many people would never experience happiness like this.

“I love you.”
 
At those three words, her heart skipped a beat. Suddenly her senses heightened, and Aryana swore that the whole castle could hear how ragged her breaths became and the loud rhythm of her heartbeat. Brynden loved her. A blush rose to her cheeks as those words echoed through her mind. This must have been a dream.

For a long time, Aryana had believed that a miserable life was awaiting her once it was known that Brynden would be her husband. Every worry she had once had was now proven wrong. Thinking about their past made her realise that Brynden was the love of her life. All their fights had made them stronger, and Aryana was glad that she had never given up on him or their marriage. She loved him too. She loved him more than she could begin to explain and all of this made her realise how madly in love with him she was. Brynden was her everything.

“I love you too, Brynden. More than I can begin to explain.”

Brynden pressed a sweet kiss against her skin, right behind her ear. Had it not been for Yan in her arms she would have turned around to kiss him. Aryana chuckled at the feeling that rushed through her body, knowing that she was loved. That was all she had ever wanted from Brynden, to be loved.

“I’m certain that you’re the love of my life.”

"I know you're mine."

A part of her wanted to cry at how everything seemed so perfect now. Her life was all she had wished for as a little girl. Everything she had ever dreamed off had come to life, and Aryana wasn’t sure how to handle it. Brynden was the most wonderful husband. To be his wife was a beautiful experience, and Aryana was certain that she would never forget this moment. They had a son. A beautiful son together and they loved each other. She knew that she would be happy with him for the rest of her life. This was all that mattered to her now.

“Say it again.”

"I love you, Aryana,” Brynden mumbled.

Aryana chuckled at the words, knowing that she would never get enough of hearing them. Now she would bother Brynden to tell her that every single day. She felt so lucky that they had found love, knowing how most marriages were strictly political. Their marriage has been because of politics, but it had blossomed into something beautiful and real, and Aryana couldn’t be happier about that. They deserved that, true love and she knew that she would cherish Brynden until the end of her days. She wanted their love to last forever.

They both seemed rather happy, and she leaned onto him with her head against his shoulder now while she kept Yan tightly against her chest. Aryana only hoped that Yan would see how much they loved him. She hoped he would grow up to be a happy and strong man, healthy too because that was all she ever wanted for him.

“You’re all I ever wanted, Brynden.”

Brynden hugged her and Aryana smiled as she rose Yan up higher so she could press her lips against his forehead. He would grow up so fast, but these coming months would be wonderful, and she was certain of that. Even if Brynden wouldn’t always be there with them, they would be a perfect family together.

Hopefully, they would continue to have children as Aryana wanted them to have a big family together, but most of all she wanted to cherish these moments with Yan. She wanted to create memories and hoped that Brynden would come back from meetings, awake enough to create those memories with them. Gods, she couldn’t wait until the day Yan would be old enough to be outside with them or old enough to play. Just imagining that was enough to make her smile as she looked down at their son.

Yan had changed their lives for the better.

After so many months of darkness where Aryana thought her life was over, she was glad that they had been blessed with having such a beautiful son. She was glad that she had found love with Brynden and that they had managed to get through the pain of the war together. They belonged to each other.

There was no doubt in her mind that Brynden was the one for her. He had always been the one for her.

Aryana was glad that her father had chosen Brynden for her, and a part of her wondered if her father had always seen that they would be great together. She hoped he would come to visit now to meet his grandchild. She wanted Antra and Willelm to visit as well if they could. Gods, she couldn’t wait to see everyone’s reaction to Yan. They would love him. Of course they would. He was the future heir of the North and Aryana knew he had it in his blood to rule over such a strong part of Aedighar. He would be perfect.

“He’s going to be a good Lord. It’s in his blood. I know he’ll do Aedighar good.”

Brynden nodded while he moved his chin to her shoulder. He leaned against her head, and they were both looking at Yan. He was the future of Aedighar. Aryana knew that the North and the rest of Aedighar would be safe with Yan in Nilfgaard and the future looked bright knowing that Yan was the heir of the North.
 
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