Opinion Teacher-Student relations.

[Starchild]

What's your opinion on teacher-student relations when either part has quit the school? (High School)

Related question: Does the origin of a relationship matter at all down the road?

Edit
This edit is to clarify this scenario.

1. The student has graduated and is 18-19, and the teacher has either quit or is still working at the school.
   
2. The teacher has quit, but the student has not yet graduated, but has turned 18 already.

 

[Idea]

So long as the relationship is consentual, I don't see any issues with the origin of a relationship. Marry your sister or your lamp for all I care.

However, the reason why relationships tend to not be that way should not be forgotten. It's not necessarily biologically viable, and that may have influences on many aspects of a relationship.

I think what I'm trying to say is, you can have a relationship with whoever you want, but the world doesn't have any duty to go out of it's way to facilitate that which it didn't actually offer you. We can get plains in the air, but we shouldn't expect gravity to cease working just because it makes it harder for planes to stay up, metaphorically speaking.

 

[The_Omega_Effect]

When either has quit the school? It depends on what kind of relationship it is to be honest.
I am friends with quite a few of my old teachers. Well, "friends" in a loose way to be honest. I've had a few beers with a history teacher of mine in pubs every now and then. I do talk to an old maths teacher of mine about anything really (same bus stop). And I have a physics teacher whom I email every now and again, asking questions about physics and whatnot.

If you are talking about a sexual/love relationship then I don't really agree with it. Like the teacher would have to be really young and the student would have to be kinda old for it to be okay in my book. I do have a bit of a more traditional mind when it comes to things like these. Taboo things are taboo for a reason you know. A massive age gap between partners is already a bit iffy to some people. But the age gap between a student and a teacher (around 15+) is very absurd to me. It just looks like an old person is taking advantage of a younger person in the eyes of most people.

Does the origin of a relationship matter at all down the road?
Well, the longer the relationship lasts, the "less" it matters. Like if it is a quick/few months sort of thing, then the origin matters a lot. But if you are with the person for years, then the origin wont matter as much since you will know more about each other and etc.

 

[rae2nerdy]

It is absolutely not okay for an adult to get into any kind of sexual/romantic relationship with a child in their care. And yes when you are in high school you are still a child. So if a teacher is messing with high school students they should ( and likely will ) get fired.

And yes the origin of a relationship matters if we're talking about an adult taking advantage of a child. Because it starts off in a place where one member of the relationship has more power than the other.

 

[Hige]

It is NEVER okay for an adult to hold that kind of relationship with a student. Never. That is taking advantage of the child (REGARDLESS IF THEY ARE A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL OR NOT). It is up to them, the teachers, to create a safe space for students by educating them and NOT dating them.

 

[Starchild]

If you are talking about a sexual/love relationship then I don't really agree with it. Like the teacher would have to be really young and the student would have to be kinda old for it to be okay in my book. I do have a bit of a more traditional mind when it comes to things like these. Taboo things are taboo for a reason you know. A massive age gap between partners is already a bit iffy to some people. But the age gap between a student and a teacher (around 15+) is very absurd to me. It just looks like an old person is taking advantage of a younger person in the eyes of most people.

Isn't that absurdity a social construct? People think it's absurd because they've been told it's absurd, but which arguments is it actually based on? What is it that is negative about an 18-20 year old girl to be with a much older man?

It is absolutely not okay for an adult to get into any kind of sexual/romantic relationship with a child in their care. And yes when you are in high school you are still a child. So if a teacher is messing with high school students they should ( and likely will ) get fired.

And yes the origin of a relationship matters if we're talking about an adult taking advantage of a child. Because it starts off in a place where one member of the relationship has more power than the other.

It is NEVER okay for an adult to hold that kind of relationship with a student. Never. That is taking advantage of the child (REGARDLESS IF THEY ARE A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL OR NOT). It is up to them, the teachers, to create a safe space for students by educating them and NOT dating them.

The circumstance was after either part had quit the school. You two seem to have answered the question thinking the teacher and student still has a professional relationship—that, of course, is wrong.

 

[Slade]

Young student (say, HS) / Teacher relationships are the double whammy of problematic (eeeep, that word is so squicky) because the power difference between student and teacher is reinforced by the age gap. It's just too open to abuse. If they are both of age, and the student-teacher dynamic has ceased, then honestly, you do you. But a student-teacher relationship between two consenting adults? To be honest, I think that makes for an intriguing story. I dig.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Isn't that absurdity a social construct? People think it's absurd because they've been told it's absurd, but which arguments is it actually based on? What is it that is negative about an 18-20 year old girl to be with a much older man?

The circumstance was after either part had quit the school. You two seem to have answered the question thinking the teacher and student still has a professional relationship—that, of course, is wrong.

And what we're trying to inform you of is that it's not a "professional" relationship. It's an adult taking advantage of a minor, which in the united states at least is actively illegal.

I think the problem is in your wording. I don't think "when either part has quit the school?" means what you think it means.

See when I see - quit the school. In my mind you're talking about either the Adult in the situation quitting their place of employment OR the minor child being forced to quit their education.

And as I stated above, an adult in an inappropriate relationship with one of their students is going to be fired anyway ( especially if that student is a minor ). So them quitting is just semantics.

A high school student being pressured to quit their education by an adult actually makes the relationship WORSE not better. As then you're not only taking advantage of a child under your care BUT your pressuring them into screwing over their education which could have long lasting effects on them getting a job etc.

I in fact have a real life experience of a situation very similar to what your describing in your post and it did not end well for the teacher.

So one of the teachers at my little sister's high school was fired for dating a student and for attempting to solicit sex from her. This is illegal ( the sex part ) and highly inappropriate ( the dating part ). After he was fired he attempted to continue the relationship with his minor student. And he faces legal charges. Because again it is illegal for an adult to have sex with a child. It doesn't matter if that adult is the child's teacher, neighbor, some stranger on the internet. Still illegal.
​

So in that scenario him "quitting" the school didn't change anything. He's still an adult taking advantage of a child. The only thing that changed was he became unemployed and publicly known as a pedophile.

And obviously none of those things made the situation better.

So yeah I think the problem is that you're not understanding that the way you worded the question insinuated that you think the problem with a relationship between an ADULT and a MINOR is the fact that they had some kind of "professional" relationship when in reality they have no such thing.

Firstly - a student x teacher relationship isn't a professional relationship. Even assuming you're talking about consenting adults all around ( i.e. in college where the students and teachers are adult ) it's still not a professional relationship. The teacher is being paid to educate the students. In college the students ( or their parents ) are paying to be educated. If anything it's a customer service relationship if you want to break it up into a transaction. And just as it's kind of creepy for a worker to flirt with a client ON THE JOB than it's kind of not cool for a teacher to do the same.

Out of the job we'll get into that below.

Now assuming what the question you were trying to ask is : is it okay for an adult to date a former teacher

Than we're going to get a lot of different responses. I personally say it depends on context. Say for example a student ( high school or college doesn't matter ) just graduated and immediately afterward their teacher asks them out. I think that would be kind of suspect because it just screams to me that there was something ick going on in the background.

If however the person has been out of school for several years than sure you can date whomever you want.

 

[Hige]

The circumstance was after either part had quit the school. You two seem to have answered the question thinking the teacher and student still has a professional relationship—that, of course, is wrong.

It's ENTIRELY unethical for that relationship to even start to begin with. The adult is acting in a predatory way by taking advantage of the student, who at that age doesn't know better. I know it hasn't been stated in this thread, but even an 18 year old isn't that "mature".

It's also a breach of our societal norms. If you read the news, you would know very well that we, as a society, do not appreciate this unethical type of relationship. The student goes to school to learn, and the teacher is there to provide them a healthy learning enviorment, not to date them.

Even if they quit school, it's still an adult being a predator.

Teachers SHOULD NOT date students. At all. Never.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Isn't that absurdity a social construct? People think it's absurd because they've been told it's absurd, but which arguments is it actually based on? What is it that is negative about an 18-20 year old girl to be with a much older man?.

Honestly, lack of anything in common. It is very rare for any relationship with a large age gap to work because the people involved are at two very different places in their lives and will likely want very different things.

I mean sure romance novels and the like will paint such things in a better light but from a practical standpoint it rarely works. Especially when you're talking about young adults and middle aged adults.

People assume that just because the law says your an adult at 18 automatically you're fully mature and ready to tackle life on you're own.

It's not a magic wand. You are not significantly that different at 18 than you are at 17. You are still learning what it means to be an adult and what you want out of life. Pretty much most of you're early twenties is going to be spent doing that.

So dating someone in their thirties or forties is seen as skeeve or awkward because you're dating someone at a different point in their lives with different wants/perspectives.

Plus just you're gonna like different things most likely.

Now I think the rule of thumb for "socially acceptable age gap" is divide your current age in half and add 7.

So I am for instance 29. We'll say half my age is 14 + 7 = 21.

So that would be the lowest age range I should be dating.

Now there are exceptions to every rule sure. I think my dad and stepmom are like 15 years apart. But he started dating her in her mid twenties I believe. And even then it was a little awkward as he had two young children, was twice divorced, and she had never been married. But they had sufficient amounts of things in common to make the marriage work.

Of course they met the old fashioned way not at either of their places of employment. And she was obviously an adult at the time.

So no one is saying that a large age gap can't work. It is just when one of the people involved is still a child OR very young and one of the people is very old it is less likely to do so. Just from a purely practical standpoint. ( and once again adults and children dating is just flat wrong )

Also as a society we'll see it as a little odd either way. I mean my dad and stepmom had some good natured teasing about their marriage. And that was between consenting adults and has lasted for heck over fifteen years at this point.

 

[Autumn McJavabean]

As long as they're consenting, I don't really care what they do.

 

[Project Naiad]

Yeah if they're of age and consenting then I don't see a problem, also if one of them no longer works at school. (Note that I'm talking about an ideal relationship, where the only motivation involved is mutual emotional attraction).
"Socially acceptable" doesn't always means right and taboo doesn't always mean wrong.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Yeah if they're of age and consenting then I don't see a problem, also if one of them no longer works at school. (Note that I'm talking about an ideal relationship, where the only motivation involved is mutual emotional attraction).
"Socially acceptable" doesn't always means right and taboo doesn't always mean wrong.

I think the problem is just the question is worded awkwardly. Assuming the person was attempting to ask : As an adult would you date a former teacher

Than they didn’t really get that point across.

Especially by using the term quit the school.

If your an adult ( thus capable of consenting ) you would have already graduated.

So there is no need for anyone to quit anything.

As when your an adult you are no longer under the teachers supervision for obvious reasons ( you’ve graduated and theoretically have a job of your own )

Therefore why would your former teacher need to quit their job for you to date? Two adults dating isn’t illegal or socially unacceptable.

I mean unless your co-workers at the same school and then it’s more an issue for your individual schools fraternization policy.

But by asking if an issue is okay ( after one or both parties quit the school ) OP is insinuating that something not okay ( a relationship between an adult and a child in their care ) is going down and requires one person to quit their education to either rationalize things or avoid some kind of punitive action.

And again if we’re talking about two consenting adults in a relationship there is nothing to rationalize or justify. As an adult you can date whomever you want. ( as long as they are also an adult )

 

[Hige]

I think the problem is just the question is worded awkwardly. Assuming the person was attempting to ask : As an adult would you date a former teacher

Than they didn’t really get that point across.

Especially by using the term quit the school.

If your an adult ( thus capable of consenting ) you would have already graduated.

So there is no need for anyone to quit anything.

As when your an adult you are no longer under the teachers supervision for obvious reasons ( you’ve graduated and theoretically have a job of your own )

Therefore why would your former teacher need to quit their job for you to date? Two adults dating isn’t illegal or socially unacceptable.

I mean unless your co-workers at the same school and then it’s more an issue for your individual schools fraternization policy.

But by asking if an issue is okay ( after one or both parties quit the school ) OP is insinuating that something not okay is going down and requires one person to quit their education to either rationalize things or avoid some kind of punitive action.

And again if we’re talking about two consenting adults in a relationship there is nothing to rationalize or justify. As an adult you can date whomever you want.

I mean sure dating a married person or your boss or whatever isn’t cool but I mean it’s nor for me to judge you on that as long as both parties are adults.

The language makes me think it's asking about a minor or a senior dating a teacher. Once you graduate they aren't your teacher anymore.

I'm still banging pots and pans: dating your teachers, students, is not okay. Teachers, don't date your students. That's pedophilic and crewpy.

 

[rae2nerdy]

The language makes me think it's asking about a minor or a senior dating a teacher. Once you graduate they aren't your teacher anymore.

I'm still banging pots and pans: dating your teachers, students, is not okay. Teachers, don't date your students. That's pedophilic and crewpy.

Lol which is the point I was trying to make as poster above me was responding as if the question was what I outlined. ( should an adult date a former teacher )

And I think we can both agree two adults can date whomever they choose.

But the OP was insinuating as you said an adult and child relationship with the way they worded things which ( grabs a blow horn ) IS NOT OKAY

 

[fleurdelys]

I agree with those who've said that two consenting adults can date whoever they want. however, I don't believe that someone who just turned 18 is emotionally considered an adult and so (again, like it's been mentioned) a teacher dating a student who just graduated ('quit' school) and turned 18 is still not okay with me. it's extremely predatory and inappropriate on the teacher's part. and if the teacher or student actually quit school - as in resign or drop out, respectively - and then got together, that's is even worse.

to be honest I don't think that anyone 18-21 or so should generally be in a serious relationship with someone 29-30+. you're in such different stages of life, and (hopefully) at such different maturity levels. it just seems so easy for the older party to take advantage of the younger person who likely doesn't know much better. now obviously there are exceptions but this is what I've noticed from friends, people online, etc.

 

[Quineon]

Anyone up for a naughty teacher x adult student roleplay?

 

[rae2nerdy]

Anyone up for a naughty teacher x adult student roleplay?

Just as a reminder - explicit roleplays are not allowed on this site. So "naughty" would have to mean purely no sexual acts in the roleplay.

I mean I personally am not down for romance anyway and student x teacher anything is a hard no for me. But just wanted to remind you that erotic roleplays are a no no on this site.

 

[Project Naiad]

I think the problem is just the question is worded awkwardly. Assuming the person was attempting to ask : As an adult would you date a former teacher

Than they didn’t really get that point across.

Especially by using the term quit the school.

If your an adult ( thus capable of consenting ) you would have already graduated.

So there is no need for anyone to quit anything.

As when your an adult you are no longer under the teachers supervision for obvious reasons ( you’ve graduated and theoretically have a job of your own )

Therefore why would your former teacher need to quit their job for you to date? Two adults dating isn’t illegal or socially unacceptable.

I mean unless your co-workers at the same school and then it’s more an issue for your individual schools fraternization policy.

But by asking if an issue is okay ( after one or both parties quit the school ) OP is insinuating that something not okay ( a relationship between an adult and a child in their care ) is going down and requires one person to quit their education to either rationalize things or avoid some kind of punitive action.

And again if we’re talking about two consenting adults in a relationship there is nothing to rationalize or justify. As an adult you can date whomever you want. ( as long as they are also an adult )

There are just too many things left untold. Age of student (if years are repeated a student may come of age before graduating), age of teacher (there are some very young teachers), reasons why either party quit school, motivation behind the relationship etcetera.
That's why I kept my reply vague and said that if all these parameters are acceptable then I dont see anything wrong between that kind of relationship.
As a side note I wouldn't consider pedophilia a relationship between an adult and say a 17 y/o person either tbh. (Whether I consider it acceptable or not is another thing).

 

[rae2nerdy]

There are just too many things left untold. Age of student (if years are repeated a student may come of age before graduating), age of teacher (there are some very young teachers), reasons why either party quit school, motivation behind the relationship etcetera.
That's why I kept my reply vague and said that if all these parameters are acceptable then I dont see anything wrong between that kind of relationship.
As a side note I wouldn't consider pedophilia a relationship between an adult and say a 17 y/o person either tbh. (Whether I consider it acceptable or not is another thing).

And again it isn't necessarily an issue that is magically fixed by hitting a specific number. As has been mentioned previously by myself and others. You don't magically become a different person the second you hit a specific age.

I mean as someone who has a younger sister who is 17 I would say that
1. that does not make her an adult. She is very definitely a teenager and should be treated as such.
2. If any adult ever took advantage of her I would go into a frothing fury and no amount of laws or justifications would dissuade me.

But your entitled to your opinion on the matter. As long as you don't act on it I really don't care.

But even so say for instance someone hits 18 and they are still in school and their teacher starts flirting with them and trying to date them.

Or hell in the unlikely event they're 19 or 20 and still in high school for some reason and their teacher starts dating them.

Even if that teacher is themselves only 21 or 22.

I mean working a lot of probabilities so that the two are essentially the same age and both consenting adults and somehow still in high school scenario.

It is not okay.

And to illustrate why let's change it from student teacher to - boss x employee.

Say you start working at a company as a teenager ( intern/volunteer/whatever) your boss is again only a little older than you if not your same age. Your boss wants to date you. So they wait until you become a legal adult ( or they don't ) and they quit their job. Or they ask you to quit your job. And somehow this is supposed to make a good relationship after one or both of you become unemployed so you can pursue a relationship.

As an adult I can say it really isn't. One it's inappropriate for a boss to date their employee. Age of consent notwithstanding it's super bad form. Same thing with a teacher and a student. In this case they ( the teacher ) are the person in a position of power taking advantage of their subordinate ( the student )/

So yeah student x teacher in general even in the land of consenting adults is not a good idea. It starts your relationship off at an uneven place where one person holds power over the other. And just as an aside - if you have to quit your job in order to date someone you should maybe put some serious thought into starting that relationship.

There is no guarantee from a practical standpoint that relationship is going to last - but quitting? Yeah you can't walk back on that. You can't just decide after the relationship is over - lol JK guys can I have my job back now?

And even if the relationship lasts - you still are unemployed and searching for a new method of employment ( and if your the teacher in this situation chances are it aint' gonna be another teaching job either )

 

[Project Naiad]

And again it isn't necessarily an issue that is magically fixed by hitting a specific number. As has been mentioned previously by myself and others. You don't magically become a different person the second you hit a specific age.

I mean as someone who has a younger sister who is 17 I would say that
1. that does not make her an adult. She is very definitely a teenager and should be treated as such.
2. If any adult ever took advantage of her I would go into a frothing fury and no amount of laws or justifications would dissuade me.

But your entitled to your opinion on the matter. As long as you don't act on it I really don't care.

But even so say for instance someone hits 18 and they are still in school and their teacher starts flirting with them and trying to date them.

Or hell in the unlikely event they're 19 or 20 and still in high school for some reason and their teacher starts dating them.

Even if that teacher is themselves only 21 or 22.

I mean working a lot of probabilities so that the two are essentially the same age and both consenting adults and somehow still in high school scenario.

It is not okay.

And to illustrate why let's change it from student teacher to - boss x employee.

Say you start working at a company as a teenager ( intern/volunteer/whatever) your boss is again only a little older than you if not your same age. Your boss wants to date you. So they wait until you become a legal adult ( or they don't ) and they quit their job. Or they ask you to quit your job. And somehow this is supposed to make a good relationship after one or both of you become unemployed so you can pursue a relationship.

As an adult I can say it really isn't. One it's inappropriate for a boss to date their employee. Age of consent notwithstanding it's super bad form. Same thing with a teacher and a student. In this case they ( the teacher ) are the person in a position of power taking advantage of their subordinate ( the student )/

So yeah student x teacher in general even in the land of consenting adults is not a good idea. It starts your relationship off at an uneven place where one person holds power over the other. And just as an aside - if you have to quit your job in order to date someone you should maybe put some serious thought into starting that relationship.

There is no guarantee from a practical standpoint that relationship is going to last - but quitting? Yeah you can't walk back on that. You can't just decide after the relationship is over - lol JK guys can I have my job back now?

And even if the relationship lasts - you still are unemployed and searching for a new method of employment ( and if your the teacher in this situation chances are it aint' gonna be another teaching job either )

Honestly this leads to nothing, we're talking without even knowing the actual facts, so I'm going to drop it here.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Honestly this leads to nothing, we're talking without even knowing the actual facts, so I'm going to drop it here.

To the best of my knowledge there isn't any facts. It's an opinion thread. My opinion is that imbalanced relationships is wrong and my definition of what constitutes a consenting relationship differs from yours.

Which is fine, the point of opinion threads is to share your viewpoint and to ( if desired ) argue it with those who disagree.

 

[Project Naiad]

To the best of my knowledge there isn't any facts. It's an opinion thread. My opinion is that imbalanced relationships is wrong and my definition of what constitutes a consenting relationship differs from yours.

Which is fine, the point of opinion threads is to share your viewpoint and to ( if desired ) argue it with those who disagree.

I get it, I simply don't have the patience for a debate right now

 

[Autumn McJavabean]

The language makes me think it's asking about a minor or a senior dating a teacher. Once you graduate they aren't your teacher anymore.

I'm still banging pots and pans: dating your teachers, students, is not okay. Teachers, don't date your students. That's pedophilic and crewpy.

One, that isn't pedophilic. Two, you're ignoring the nuance that is age in this. If they're 17 and the teacher is 28, sure it's socially weird, but not pedophilic. No more than if the student was 18.

College students can date their teachers. High school students who are 18, depending on your country, can date your instructor. As long as you can legally and logically consent and it isn't in the mindset that you are doing it for grades, you should be fine.

 

[Autumn McJavabean]

Lol which is the point I was trying to make as poster above me was responding as if the question was what I outlined. ( should an adult date a former teacher )

And I think we can both agree two adults can date whomever they choose.

But the OP was insinuating as you said an adult and child relationship with the way they worded things which ( grabs a blow horn ) IS NOT OKAY

I disagree. The OP doesn't insinuate a child and adult having a relationship. Student doesn't equal child. I'm a college student, which is still a student by definition. My instructor is still my teacher, regardless of semantics. I think it's the fault of the OP for being slightly vague and the posters assuming it means one way when it is clearly more broad in its wording.