Realistic or Modern 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵: 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘴

[weldherwings]

do you feel lonely? have you had your heart broken repeatedly? have you considered that there is only one way out?

will you join
the lonely hearts pact?

character sheets

There are no set roles for this open roleplay. However, there are some guidelines for character creation to ensure others are miseducated about certain topics and their mental illness isn’t romanticised. Before posting your character sheet, you will be required to pitch your character idea within the discord server. From there, you will create your character sheet to be approved.

When creating your character, I ask for three things: your character must be over the age of eighteen (including their face claim), you do thorough research on any mental illness topics to ensure your character’s portrayal isn’t romanticised or harmful, and for face claims to be realistic.

If you're looking for a cs code to use with all the required information prompts, feel free to use my freebie code that you can find here. No pressure though!

love, weldherwings

your sheet should include

Basic information

- Name
- Age
- Date of Birth
- Pronouns
- Gender
- Place of Birth
- Sexuality
- Ailments
- Ethnicity
- Languages
- Occupation

Appearance

- Height
- Physique
- Eyes
- Hair
- Face claim
- Features
- Body modifications
- Wardrobe style

History

Can be as long or as short as you want. Must include how their ailments developed and how they've ended up in hospital (and if it was involuntary or voluntary)

Personality

- Personality type
- Personality traits
- Anything else you'd wish to add

happy creations!

© weldherwings.

 

[weldherwings]

"you're an inspiration."
no. i'm sick

LUCA SEONG

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  warning!

  
  

  This character sheet makes mention of binge eating, body dysmorphia, malnourished, phentermine abuse, depression, anxiety and afrid. whilst not in full description, please note that there are mentions of these ailments through out the character sheet.

  
  
  

  
  

  i'm aware

  
  

  
  
  
  
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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Luca Seong
    

    Age:

    24
    

    dob:

    3rd May 1998
    

    pronouns:

    He/Him
    

    gender:

    Male
    

    zodiac sign:

    Taurus
    

    pob:

    Remington, Ohio
    

    sexuality:

    Questioning
    

    ailments:

    Body dysmorphia, malnourished, phentermine abuse and developing AFRID
    

    ethnicity:

    Korean American
    

    languages:

    English and Korean
    

    occupation:

    a Remote Hotel Reservationist (call center) for the company hotelplanner
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    If you develop an eating disorder when you are not thin, you are a success story.

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    I honestly don’t know what to write here.
    
    So, I arrived a couple of days ago. Everyone seems nice, I suppose? I won a couple of games of Uno with this dude that ended up pissing on the floor in a state of rage. That was fun. And in group therapy, we managed to get out early because some girl needed to be taken away into isolation for a bit. That was pretty sweet, too, I suppose. Getting out early, not the girl getting pinned and dragged away. That was almost traumatic.
    
    Speaking of traumatic, the food here is absolutely disgusting.
    
    There’s barely any protein in their meals, focusing more on carbs. And then the stuff that does have protein in it tastes disgusting. The texture is just god-awful. I want to know how much money this hospital makes and what percentage of it goes to their kitchen because, my god. You’d think they’d make something better, considering it’s a private hospital.
    
    Anyways. Hopefully, I’ll be home soon. I don’t see the need to keep me in here. I’m fine after all. There’s honestly nothing wrong with me. So what if I fainted a couple of times at the gym? I could just be low in iron. I don’t understand why the doctors have spent so much time trying to tell me that I’m malnourished instead of testing to see if my iron levels are low or give me a scan to see if there's a tumour developing in my brain or something.
    
    

    
    
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    how can I love myself when I’m so draining to everyone else

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    how are you feeling being in there?

    
    

    I'm completely fine. I don't understand why I have to do this?

    
    

    no, you're not fine. that's why dr. fisher has asked for you to attend

    
    

    I still think I should have a say in it.

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    1.87m (6'2")
    
    

    physique:

    Over the last year, Luca has been focusing on his body having grown up as not only being the tallest student in his class, but the heaviest too. Throughout his life, he has always been considered overweight with a high BMI and a slow metabolism. With the last year and a half, through working out (and other methods) he has since shredded the kilos, dropping from 145kgs to a 'healthy' 70kgs. Since losing weight, his broad shoulders and more prominent, and he has developed an athletic, mesomorphic frame. He has been focusing on toning his body, primarily his torso and arms but not forgetting to skip leg day inbetween.
    
    

    eyes:

    Luca has a hooded almond deep set eye shape with dark brown irises. He has a natural, prominent aegyo-sal (roll of skin beneath his eye frame of his lower eye lids).
    
    

    hair:

    He has thick, bristly black locks with a soft curl, often cut in a Korean-style shaggy bowl cut.
    
    

    face claim:

    Kim Mingyu
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    Luca has no real distinguishing features apart from his frame, which he has been carefully sculpting over the last year. He primarily focuses on his torso and upper arms while working out.
    
    

    body modifications:

    He has four piercings; both lobes and upper, and a right helix. Despite having them pierced, he doesn't often wear earrings these days.
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    The aim is, and will forever be, comfort over fashion. Functionality over the desire to be seen by the world. And despite having lost so much weight over the year, he still feels prompted to wear large, baggy hooded jumpers and track pants to hide his physique from the world.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
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    heavy by peach prc
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    trigger warning!
    mentions of binge eating, emotional abuse, homophobic comments, drug abuse, ed, body dysmorphia, and malnourishment

    
    
    The 3rd of May 1998 is a memorable day for many people. For many people in Korea, they celebrated the birthday of Buddha. Others may have looked upon the date fondly, sprouting memories of their wedding, or the day that they got their first car. For Daesung and April Seong, it was the birth of their one and only child, Luca Seong. A devout Buddist, April had been at her local temple paying her respects when her water broke. Her family and friends insisted that this was a sign of blessing from Buddha to have a child born on this day and to have gone into labour while coming to make their offerings.
    
    Despite the celebrations and declarations of blessings upon the child and the young married couple, April struggled to find a connection with her son. When she looked at him, she didn’t feel that love and joy that everyone always claimed to feel with their own. She had hoped that maybe one day she would wake up and feel the way others said she should feel. But as the years crept by, it only worsened, and she found herself loathing the life she was living. When Luca was four years old, April casually placed the divorce papers in front of Daesung and told him that she was finished.
    
    Wanting to flee from the life she was leaving behind, April moved to Chicago while Daesung stayed in Ohio. They had made peaceful arrangements for April to have Luca for the summer holidays, and he would remain with Daesung for the rest of the year. Luca adored living with his father, who made a living as a pastry chef. Living the life of a single father was hard, and he wished he could’ve brought Luca to after-school activities or sports. However, Luca didn’t mind that he spent the weekends at his father’s pastry and dessert shop, indulging in all the leftover dishes that were going to be thrown out anyways. Over time, it became almost routine to rely on these dishes to make it through the weekend at the shop. Feeling hungry? Have something to eat. Feeling bored? Why, have some food to eat. Feeling sad because you can’t go to a birthday party today? We have cake here to eat! You’re okay!
    
    His months spent with his father left Luca with a stomach that just continued to grow at the same rapid speed that he was sprouting onwards and upwards. Every year at school, not only was he the tallest in his class but the heaviest too. He was convinced that had it not been for his height, he would’ve been picked on at school. He knew that everyone wanted him on their basketball team during physical education because of his height, not because of his athletic abilities. And he knew people didn’t dare to try and raise a fist at him, in fear that his weight would contribute towards a powerful recoil. When he spent time with his father, it never crossed his mind that his weight was an issue. Afterall, he was happy and healthy. That’s all that mattered right?
    
    He, however, dreaded every summer.
    
    While he got to spend a couple of weeks with his mother, it was always so awkward and tense. Her cold heart attacked him with blunt words, commenting on his body, how he walked, how he dressed, and even how he breathed as he sat at the dinner table. After a week or so, she would always send him off to summer camp. And while she claimed it was just an ordinary, regular camp, it was painfully obvious that it wasn’t. Camp Pocono Trails claimed that they focused their energy on teaching children how to eat healthily and provided summer sports for them to participate in. Their gentle advertisement was all a hoax, with leaders who hurled fatphobic remarks as they passed and coordinators who mocked children and teens for their incorrect answers during their learning periods. After every camp, it was always the same; Luca would return home to his father, who told him not to worry or listen to those camp leaders or coordinators and offer him a delicious pastry dish to forget all his worries and cares.
    
    The only thing good that came out of camp was the other children and teens. Luca grew up with hope knowing that the friendships he did form over their time there, bound and rooted in their trauma together, would continue to bloom the next year. But with each passing year, there were fewer regular, familiar smiling faces. And by the age of sixteen, it was down to just three of them. Anthony Lines and Shakayla Wheeler. The three musketeers, together again with a bond stronger than the ropes that they were made to crawl up and down in the early mornings. On their last night together, sitting on the jetty, dipping their toes in and watching the ripples of the river, Anthony shared his fears that this may be the last time he’d see them as his family were planning on moving to England in winter. It was there that he confessed his feelings for Luca, saying he had never met someone as kind as he or as pure of heart, and then, he leant over and placed a kiss upon Luca’s lips. It had been his first kiss, and he could remember everything about it. The way his heart raced like he was running a marathon and how his ears burned with crimson fire. The sounds of the frog croaking and the fireworks erupted in his gut.
    
    The whole experience had left him bewildered, unsure of where he now fit onto the spectrum of sexuality. He had never thought about a boy in such a way until that moment; it was like something unlocked in his brain and all these feelings were rushing and surging through his body. What was even more confusing was now he was looking at boys the same way he had been looking at girls. Curious to investigate, he had somehow managed to find a girl at a high school party who had been willing to kiss him. He had hoped that through this experimentation, he would be able to come with an answer; did he like girls or boys? If anything, it had left him more confused because the kiss was lovely and he had been extremely attracted to the girl. He could’ve simply decided that he liked both female and males in a romantic and attraction aspect, but all he could hear in the back of his head was his mother’s ramblings. She would often make harsh remarks when she saw gay couples together, claiming that homosexuality was wrong. She would often quote you pick either female or male to be with, and there’s only one right answer. Of course, the right answer was meant to be the heterosexual answer.
    
    But her words continued to echo in his mind and shape who he was. He moved from Remmington to Cleveland for college to study Hospitality Management, moving into the student dorms. And during his time, he decided to continue on with his experiments. He dated, hooked up and slept with both men and women, hoping that it would unlock some sort of answer about who he was. When he was in his third year of college, he met Bryce; an inspiring content creator, as he liked to explain it. Bryce had a mukbang channel which was edging into two hundred thousand subscribers, and would often invite Luca to join him in filming. Over time, they began to date. Six months into dating, they made the decision to move into an apartment together. And a couple of months after that, everything went into lock down thanks to COVID.
    
    Both Bryce and Luca were thankful that they were still able to work from home; Bryce with his videos and Luca with his call centre work. However, over time, the sweet, loving man that Bryce as began to fade. It was almost as if the lockdown had changed Bryce, altering his personality and creating this new persona. He became more irritable, often starting fights just because he wanted to, and would make rude remarks about Luca, not only to his face but to all his followers online. He pressured Luca to come and eat with him for his videos, ordering a ridiculous amount of food and shaming Luca for not being able to finish his share of it. Realising how incredibly toxic the relationship was, Luca finally found the strength to end things and move out. By the end of their relationship, Luca was the heaviest he had ever been, weighing in at 145 kilos.
    
    In the midst of moving to a new apartment, Luca began to develop episodes of chest pains. He had just assumed that it was from overdoing it while walking around and carrying items. However, the pains only continued to worsen throughout the day, and even at night as he tried to sleep. Having developed a fever from the pain, he brought himself to the hospital, where he was whisked away with a suspected blocked artery. Upon inspection, the ER doctor simply told him you’re fine, but you need to lose weight so go and see your gp. He did as he was told and made his way to his own doctor, who also agreed with the hospital’s doctor. This was the start of Luca’s weight loss journey. Within six months, he had only managed to drop five kilos through healthy eating and exercising. When checking back in with his doctor, a bit stressed that his weight loss was now at a standstill, he was prescribed phentermine.
    
    At first it made him feel jittery, and he struggled to sleep. But after a while, when he got into a routine, the kilos began to fall off. Within the first three weeks he dropped five kilos. After three months, he had managed to drop twelve kilos in total. His doctor was ecstatic from the results, and told him that he was unable to continue prescribing the medication to him as it was for short-term use only. A month went by, and unimpressed by the scales and their numbers, Luca decided to find another new doctor who could prescribe the drug to him. It was a lot easier than he had expected. In fact, he continued with this method, finding new doctors to prescribe him phentermine and creating a little collection in his house. Within the year, he finally dropped down to eighty kilos, and had what the doctors considered a healthy BMI. But Luca couldn’t see it. Despite all the weight loss, he still looked in the mirror and saw that large, chubby boy who was sent off to summer camp every year. Even after surgery to remove the excess skin he would stand in front of the mirror and point out the ‘rolls’ he could find and glare with disgust.
    
    He needed to do better.
    
    Luca’s daily routine vaguely resembled one of a professional athlete’s, just with much less food and an unhealthy bowel routine. He was determined to drop the extra weight no matter what. You’d think that after passing out at the gym, he would’ve spent some time drawing back and resting. But, if anything, it fueled him. And so he would continue this hazardous routine of little to no sleep despite feeling exhausted all the time, overworking out, under-eating, taking ‘his medication’, and over-using other medicines to help his bowels. It would always finish the same; fainting somewhere. The gym, the pools, walking home from somewhere. His fainting spells were growing worse and he was struggling to maintain the muscles that he was working so hard for. He was in his own headspace, pushing out his family and friends and leaving no time for anything other than work and exercising.
    
    Of course, it came to an absolute surprise when he arrived home from the gym one day to find both his parents standing outside his apartment door. Luca couldn’t remember the last time he had seen his parents next to each other; it had been decades. As they all went inside, his parents sat him down and began to voice their concerns. Well, if anything, it was his father who did most of the talking. His mother sat there, observing his body closely. Luca could feel his mother’s judgemental eyes digging into his soul and he knew straight away what she was thinking; he was fat still. Daesung then voiced his concern for his health, saying that he’d like him to voluntarily go to a hospital to focus on his mental health. Luca, of course, was incredibly confused. What did his mental health had to do with his body? He snapped back at his dad, telling him that his mental health was fine, and it was the doctors that needed to figure out why he was fainting so often. And just as he stood up to prepare his parents their hot beverages, gravity took hold of him and he performed his most popular act; fainting once more.
    
    The next thing he remembered was waking up in the hospital, his parents by his side and the doctors explaining how malnourished he was. Malnourished? No, that was impossible. He wasn’t underweight, and his ribs didn’t stick out. If anything, he needed to lose more weight. He was persistent that the doctors were wrong and he had low iron, or a brain tumor, or something else. It was in that moment that his father made a decision to involuntarily submit his son into Saint Margaret Private Hospital in hopes that it would help him. April, however, stood there the whole time with her arms crossed and that same glare of disgust. Her eyes stabbing into his soul, etching upon the walls that he would never be good enough or skinny enough for his mother’s love.
    
    
    
    

    
    
    

    so I’ve been told I’m heavy to hold

    
    
    
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    personality type - entp-t

    
    

    
    

    
    extraverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    thinking
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    prospecting
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    Don't wanna love me 'cause it feels too risky.

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    positive traits

    
    
    Knowledgeable - Luca rarely passes up an excellent opportunity to learn something new, especially abstract concepts. This information isn’t usually absorbed for any planned purpose as with dedicated studying, but instead Luca just finds it fascinating.
    
    Quick Thinker – With a tremendously flexible mind, Luca is able to shift from idea to idea without effort, drawing on his accumulated knowledge to prove his points, or his opponents’, as he sees fit.
    
    Excellent Brainstormer – Nothing is quite as enjoyable to Luca as analyzing problems from every angle to find the best solutions. Combining his knowledge and originality to splay out every aspect of the subject at hand, rejecting without remorse options that don’t work and presenting ever more possibilities, he really is irreplaceable in brainstorming sessions.
    
    Charismatic – Luca has a way with words and wit that others find intriguing. His confidence, quick thought and ability to connect disparate ideas in novel ways create a style of communication that is charming, even entertaining, and informative at the same time.
    
    Energetic – When given a chance to combine these traits to examine an interesting problem, Luca can be truly impressive in his enthusiasm and energy, having no qualms with putting in long days and nights to find a solution.
    
    

    negative traits

    
    
    Very Argumentative – If there’s anything Luca enjoys, it’s the mental exercise of debating an idea, and nothing is sacred. More consensus-oriented personality types rarely appreciate the vigor with which he tears down their beliefs and methods, leading to a great deal of tension.
    
    
    Insensitive – Being so rational, Lucas often misjudges others feelings and pushes their debates well past others’ tolerance levels. He doesn’t really consider emotional points to be valid in such debates either, which magnifies the issue tremendously.
    
    
    Intolerant – Unless people are able to back up their ideas in a round of mental sparring, Luca is likely to dismiss not just the ideas but the people themselves. Either a suggestion can stand up to rational scrutiny or it’s not worth bothering with.
    
    
    Can Find It Difficult to Focus – The same flexibility that allows him to come up with such original plans and ideas makes them readapt perfectly good ones far too often, or to even drop them entirely as the initial excitement wanes and newer thoughts come along. Boredom comes too easily for Luca, and fresh thoughts are the solution, though not always a helpful one.
    
    
    Dislikes Practical Matters – Luca is highly interested in what could be – malleable concepts like ideas and plans that can be adapted and debated. When it comes to hard details and day-to-day execution where creative flair isn’t just unnecessary but actually counter-productive, he loses interest, often with the consequence of his plans never seeing the light of day.
    
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[neon reverie]

I'm only cryptic and Machiavellian because I care

SEFINA WILLIAMS

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  warning!

  
  

  some sirens were songstresses first, but the world did not listen to their music until it was tuned to the ears of the salacious. born anew in the art of seduction they thrive, collecting hearts like one does crystals. nevertheless, they will never forget how they had to drown first.

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Iosefina Williams
    

    Age:

    twenty-three
    

    dob:

    2nd of October
    

    pronouns:

    she/her
    

    gender:

    female
    

    zodiac sign:

    libra
    

    pob:

    Reno, Nevada
    

    sexuality:

    androsexual// bi-romantic
    

    ailments:

    Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) & Delusions
    

    ethnicity:

    Samoan & American
    

    languages:

    English
    

    occupation:

    full time patient
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    bedroom eyes born in crimson skies; bleeding and bleeding until it dies

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 30.11.22

    
    I am sick and tired of this place and I want to go home even though there is no home to return to. I know my parents couldn't care less if I stay in this place until I die of old age or maybe something else,, but being here is not helping me in the slightest. everyone here annoys me, they are annoying-- why is it so fucking difficult to stay silent while someone else is talking? okay, I might have interrupted that weird girl earlier today while she was talking about some stupid trauma but it was giving me a headache for real. anyway, that new nurse is kind of cute and I got the feeling that she likes girls so maybe.... well maybe I don't have to stay here for long anymore.
    
    

    
    
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    don't I deserve love, even if I'm too broken to hold it

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    Are you aware of the reason why I called you in for an extra session today?

    
    

    Yes, but I think it's overdramatic. I didn't do anything wrong.

    
    

    this is not meant to be a punishment iosefina, you know that. I just want you talk with you about what happened.

    
    

    whatever

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    173 cm
    
    

    physique:

    a fairly straight stature with minimal curves.
    
    

    eyes:

    forest green set in attractive frames; entrancing in ways you feel yourself getting lost in them. but there are things hidden, ones you are not sure are clovers or claws.
    
    

    hair:

    curly and wild in natural conditions; sometimes styled straight and down.
    
    

    face claim:

    Vanessa moe
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    smiles that only go skin deep, red lips looking to stain, alluring looks over bare shoulders,
    
    

    body modifications:

    ear piercings
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    provocative; styled to capture lingering gazes and sins tasting of lust.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
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    smells like teen spirit
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    
    

    【 give a child the world and she will come to know the weight of her worth.
    give a child nothing and she will come to beg for scraps and crumbs. 】​

    
    iosefina knows silence best, her existence starting out as a lonely, pitiful thing. she was a stone next to a star; too dull for the eyes and too plain for the heart. home was just a house and parents just a man and a woman. ignored in favour of an older sibling, that’s how hearts get burned. iosefina grew up as a shadow behind the sun, invisible and wholly unimportant. she grew up on nothing, save for the morsels screamed in anger and disapproval; they really only did look at her when she acted crazy. 】
    
    

    【 she was beauty and chaos intertwined; a tornado of roses from divine 】​

    
    features blossom with time and the world stops to gaze at this first spring. it is not difficult to notice how attention sticks where bare skin breathes; the silent encouragement seeps into her being, and for the first time in forever, stone feels like diamond. but simple glances are not enough, for it is one thing to be admired, and another thing to be loved. soon enough, talking turns into flirting and wow would you look at that, popular hearts sway just as easily as average ones, even if they are already taken. it is a shame to wreck something so sweet, but iosefina does so nonetheless, hungry for love and greedy for the throne.
    
    maybe karma is what comes next; iosefina had won a battle, not knowing it would bring her war
    

    
    【 when you are not fed love on a silver spoon, you learn to lick it off silver knives 】​

    
    sometimes love comes in sweet whispers, the brush of a hand against your cheek, lips touching lips in tender sincerity. but sometimes love knows poisoned shouting, the red mark of a hand on your cheek, lips drawing blood from lips in pure aggression. iosefina lives through heaven and hell, collecting as many bruises as jewelry during her relationship. at times, she thinks he truly hates her with his violent actions. however, showings of remorse always follow; him begging on his knees for forgiveness like a sinner before a goddess. it’s because i love you, he says.. no one will ever love you like i do, he murmurs --- and iosefina, desperate to be loved, believes him.
    
    

    【 you took to power like icarus took to the skies, and you know your fall will be just as sweet 】
    ​

    there is a taste of freedom on her tongue at last, her shackles cut by a neighbour concerned about the noises coming from the apartment next door. sirens for a siren; a blue and red haze that daunts and dizzies her all the same. questions upon questions upon questions-- just when when she answers one, two follow. when will it ever end? the sound of a gavel echoes in her faraway mind, the verdict of a judge nothing but ghost's whisper. two fates were decided that day, one of an offender, and the other of a to be patient.
    
    iosefina does not know what she has done wrong to deserve the fate of landing in this awful place, the lie of an official sitting bitterly in her bones. concerned for her mental health, they said. you will be out soon, they promised. and yet, she is still here, maybe even more messed up than ever.
    
    

    
    
    

    will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?

    
    
    
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    personality type - esfj-t

    
    

    
    

    
    independent
    

    
    loyal
    

    
    needy
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    bold
    

    
    selfless
    

    
    artificial
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    Put on your records and regret me.

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    a star left in the darkness so it had no choice but to burn the brightest, just to be noticed. just to be seen. greed and envy waltzes in a soul twisted by life; they stretch lips into curves akin to smiles, narrow eyes in seduction and push people off their tribunes to take their place under the twinkling lights.
    
    reality does not want truths, only pretty lies, and oh how pretty she can be. innocence is but a mask and beneath it, a siren is grinning, schemes in her mind and teeth sharpened to sink in hearts. call her superficial, label her as a backstabber, it does not matter; everything is spun into a fantasy and presented as a victory. even if you scream and shout, she will smile; attention is attention after all. who cares if it's good or bad.
    scarlet in desires and maroon in dreams, her hands reach only to be held or kissed. her ambitions are those not of career or riches, but tethered directly to relationships. she is a vessel that changes colours to fit your preferred shades, the one who breaks bones and cuts skin to gain worth in other's eyes. deep hungers exist in the abandoned spaces of her, desperate to know what it feels like to be loved. be the one to nurture this never ending hunger and you won't find anyone more loyal than her; ready to live as much as die for you.
    
    it is to be seen or to be nothing, so she wears drama like perfume and emotions like a pair of heels.
    
    truth is, iosefina is not a good person by any means,,
    
    but she is also someone broken and bruised, wanting nothing more than to be loved.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[Gao]

"TO BE IMMORTAL;
LIKE GOD."

AMBRUS MIKSA

• 001
• 02

• 
  
  
  

  warning!

  
  

  This character sheet involves mentions of:
  Drug abuse, needles, suicide and death, predominantly in the History section.

  
  
  

  
  

  CONTINUE

  
  

  
  
  
  
• 
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  • 1
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  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Ambrus Miksa
    

    AKA:

    Ambrose, Amber
    

    Age:

    Twenty-Four
    

    dob:

    February 10th
    

    zodiac:

    Aquarius
    

    pronouns:

    He/Him
    

    gender:

    Male
    

    pob:

    Szentendre, Hungary
    

    Sexuality:

    Demi
    

    ethnicity:

    Hungarian + Finnish
    

    languages:

    Hungarian, English
    

    occupation:

    Unemployed ✧･ﾟ:
    

    ailments:

    Depression, past substance abuse, overdose attempts, separation anxiety, PTSD.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    Dying doesn’t always end with a funeral.

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    I cannot sleep.
    
    I don’t think I can exist properly without you. I fear I’ve never loved in a way that doesn’t become some form of burden. Is it my fault? I don’t know.
    
    I think this is just a long-winded way to say I miss you.
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    The descending sun ends a forever with you.

    
    
    

    SCROLL

    
    
    

    Do you want to get better?

    
    

    Define better.

    
    

    Happier.

    
    

    Have you considered this is the best I’m ever going to be?

    
    

    
    
    

    height & Weight:

    5'11" (180cm), 160lbs (72kg)
    
    

    physique:

    Ambrus' body illustrates a life of microwavable meals and tobacco. Lean and lanky bordering on poor nutrition, it remains no secret that gym carpet has never gone underfoot.
    
    

    eyes:

    Seafoam iris bears ink-dark rings of sunken anatomy and discoloration. Whilst a pale shade akin to mint, they’re anything but fresh with their raccoon-like pretence.
    
    

    hair:

    Tidy refinement is outside jurisdiction and care, instead opting for the inertia of unruly and choppy. Never brushed or styled, its natural wavy texture is forgiving in hiding asymmetry, and under sunlight, alludes tones of burnt sienna.
    
    

    face claim:

    90's Ville Valo.
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    Hollow and haunting, enamel skin and a dishwater palette make Ambrus a convincing depiction of “death warmed up”.
    
    A subtle gap divides his front teeth, leading contributor to his fear of dentists.
    
    

    body modifications:

    
    Knife meets microwavable pizza box meets hand. The mishap has left a scar over the second knuckle of his pointer finger.
    
    
    

    wardrobe:

    Casual no matter the affair, dark and comfortable is all Ambrus cares for. Regular occurrence is the habit of socks with no shoes.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    LOVESICK — HYPNOGAJA
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    KISMET

    
    

    SZENTENDRE, HUNGARY.

    
    The warm brick house was made of damp vermillion.
    
    A fat dog drooled on a pillow like a dozing newborn, swaddled in fireplace warmth and crochet blankets pieced together by aged hands. The same cold-cracked skin that weaved baskets, shaped sweet bread for a wooden oven, strained three coffees and stirred paprika-heavy Goulash in a pot— grandmother’s crucible.
    
    Her husband chewed tobacco in his mouth, gathered between teeth and tongue like grease-black bullets to spit into the drain. Beard white with oil and tending a record player of tinny folk music, he’d cuss and curse his brittle hip for its decay and forgotten dances.
    
    Butter-yellow fingers dealt cards each night, and attentive grandson memorised their hands. Taught how to play poker and blackjack next to a bowl of figs, exchanging winnings of cheating accusations and sweets.
    
    In summer dirt would harden into marble, and rain would turn the lawn into an emerald pond bearing a crown of fragrant thyme. It is easy to mistake gemstone for headstone, and come winter, all red-wine bricks trembled together in the riptide of grandmother’s passing. Buried in the backyard of that vermillion house.
    
    Had to kill the dog too. It kept trying to dig her out.
    
    

    ---

    QUEBEC, CANADA.

    
    Sometimes, as Ambrus scrubbed out the smell of bile liquor from bathroom tiles, he’d think death could be rewritten as mercy.
    
    Stars are discernible to the human eye, yet many are already dead. A fading Requiem abandoned thousands of lightyears away, seen but unheard;
    
    Grey with grief and glossed with rheum, migration tested his grandfather with tempered glass, solace of a bottle, and won. Delivering neither follicled-fist anger or clean cuts of insult, he lived passively in a chair. Falling asleep to the pixels of television and hum of a footside heater; a dead star with a dim core. Quiet, exhausted, and drunk, drunk, drunk.
    
    The childhood dog clawed up dirt for a chance at salvation, for unity, succeeded, and his grandfather died each day, lost to liquor since his wife’s passing. Wishing to be neither mad-dog or drunk, the aftermath of loss and its grief were undesirable to Ambrus.
    
    Passage of time bends itself to the shape of people in life, and having met them was one of God's few mercies. The very thing Ambrus had watched crumble married man and loyal canine, the origin of eternal grief if lost:
    
    Soulmate.
    
    Incandescently alive, every inch of his body screamed with dependence, co-dependence, and as if tied to bone, they were tethered. Shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip, never seen without. That tie— noose, became fated leash, a stone pulling them inwards and downwards. Settled in an ultimatum of despair, sometimes Ambrus thought he could hear it, feel it, the way eternity reached out as a ripple of water. Searching half asleep, a hand across sheets and pillows only to feel the world, this abyss, split open and engulf him in the hollow of their absence.
    
    Lost in the eddying madness of living on blades of teeth, thinning pay-checks and mockery of unpaid bills, memory and meat were flayed to ivory bone by the hand of addiction.
    
    

    ---

    OHIO, AMERICA.

    
    He recalls the give of skin beneath a shared bayonet thorn, waves breaking shoreline as it teemed veins with new life, a rising pulse surging in bass-like cadence. Navigating film-eyed for sleepless days, because God, what was he made for but this? To follow them to the ends of the world, through life and further. He’d follow them, blind or deaf, alive or dead, willingly ignorant to the silver and sting of their arm-laden crucifix. Pathways stained by pomegranate, a still tender anodyne. Compounding air in the labyrinth of his chest to converge a hit so steep it hurts, it feels of ambrosia; their sequestered space where the softness of I love you sounds loud as rain.
    
    What time is left, only God knows.
    
    But we didn’t ask for eternity, isn’t that the cruelty of it?
    
    Under snake coils of smoke and the shadow of a lamp splashing apricot hue against hotel wallpaper, he recalls bed springs puncturing the mast of his spine; a numbing anchor to reality. Break of dawn gathering and dappling interlocked fingers, both victims to a high swaddled sleep-soft and glacier-cold.
    
    Rose-thorn needles soaking bruised epidermis in drug and blotting stems of water-blue veins still aching in memory, the phantom touch of pressed foreheads and absolution clinging to skin. Eddying ad infinitum of soft, ripe grief infused in every breath, every shallow sift of lung and knowing finality with no tangible epilogue.
    
    It’s a death-knell, the tonality of laboured breath. Air robbed from chest and room, thin and sour and not enough to say what he wants to say. An end not streaked in gunpowder and cognac, but spasming ribs and boiled skin that still bites like northern wind; everything and nothing at once. An end with her slack at his side, wisp of smoke, eyes slipped shut and bones fallen cold.
    
    To be lost in a syncopated rhythm: we know how this ends, kedvesem.
    
    Together? Together.
    
    

    
    
    

    What a cruel thing, to live & always miss someone.

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - intp-a

    
    

    
    

    
    extroversion
    

    
    intuition
    

    
    honesty
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    patience
    

    
    turbulence
    

    
    assertiveness
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    Indigo was the night sky, that night that you died.

    
    
    

    
    

    PERSONA

    
    

    TRAITS:

    Snide, aimless, co-dependent, lazy, social, moody, obstinate, jealous, volatile, devoted, laidback, humble, comfortable, clever and assured.
    
    

    IN DETAIL:

    Voice of gravel and humour dry as sandpaper, Ambrus’ mother tongue is neither Magyar nor Suomi, but the sweet syrup of sarcasm. Words are coated in calcified, shimmering apathy, and habitually prove successful in curdling sweet conversations sour.
    
    Speaking as if he owns the human language, it is something learned beyond the grip of a pen and drone of a tutor, gleaned through experience rather than toiling away at graffitied desks; the bruise of an irate teenager galvanising armour of cynicism. Always a wry commentator from the side-lines, indifference becomes him.
    
    Deadpan mordacity impertinent to many, there can be good-natured wit to his remarks, tender bon mots of familiarity. Dim of age has subdued childish smiles and shine, leaving flippant nature an uncertain divisor on where you stand with Ambrus: friend or foe, nobody is certain.
    
    Akin to a bloodhound tracking through underbrush and dredge, he often, unintentionally, finds new corners to discover. Ambrus could read books by four and between the lines of conversation by six. Insignificant details are retained, jumping to conclusions is his favourite sport, and when prone to suspicion, shows stereotypical Hungarian dislike towards anything indirect.
    
    Albeit aimless as light, the fact of the matter remains: a need to feel wanted. Scavenger-like for scraps of value, fear of abandonment festers molasses and tar-black in his chest. Viewing friends through rose-colored lenses, he is susceptible to dishing platters of easy forgiveness. A spinal column of thirty-three vertebrae, and still a little more backbone would not have gone amiss.
    
    Whether desperation or fervent desire, stubborn claims and unfailing loyalty could be viewed heartening or just stupidly naïve. Tunnel-vision is his only anchor, a lodestone fatally sick with the heated opium of denial. Rare does temper find reason to stir, but cynicism or soft-spoken advice to just move on ignites a gunpowder temperament of leonine teeth and spat words. All his meaning is cinched to one thing, one person— and it is in their lingering absence where fractures of the truth can no longer be ignored.
    
    
    

    LIKES:

    Microwaveable pizza, burnt coffee, stacking playing cards into pyramids, pálinka brandy, pool, gambling, walking around in socks, pumpernickel rye bread with chunks of butter, ugly animals, desk bells.
    
    

    DISLIKES:

    Golf, texture of pepper against teeth, gnomes, assembling furniture, the sound of dry felt-tip markers on paper, surprises, asking for directions, smell of vodka, eggs, infidelity and isolation.
    
    

    HABITS:

    Propping feet up on furniture, scrubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, tapping his teeth with a nail or pen, referring to most people as "dear" (derogatory), fluctuating between a 12 year old boy who has just discovered sarcasm and a tired 97 year old man ready for the grave.
    
    

    FEARS:

    Roaches, dentists, abandonment.
    
    

    EXTRAS:

    
    PLAYLIST & PINTEREST
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[Miaow]

She's just shy... she'll open up to you one day.

NAGASE MIYU

• 001
• 02

• 
  
  
  

  warning!

  
  

  Miyu's backstory involves mentions of abuse in the foster system, depression, anxiety, drug use and PTSD. Please read at your own discretion.

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
• 
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  • 1
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  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Nagase Miyu
    

    Age:

    19
    

    dob:

    2nd November
    

    pronouns:

    She/they
    

    gender:

    Female
    

    zodiac sign:

    Scorpio
    

    pob:

    Osaka City General Hospital, Japan
    

    sexuality:

    Pansexual
    

    ailments:

    Anxiety, depression, PTSD, degenerative hearing loss
    

    ethnicity:

    Japanese
    

    languages:

    Japanese, limited English and ASL
    

    occupation:

    Patient
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    You know some people'd rather not exist

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    The doctor said I should keep a diary. They said it would help me speak English and help me talk about my feelings.
    There is a patient here who speaks ASL. I don't speak ASL. I want to learn so I can speak more easier. It is hard to talk to other people.
    I miss home, but I do not know where my home is. I know it is not in this hospital.
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    They put a gun to the heart or a knife to the wrist

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    how are you enjoying your group? getting on with everyone?

    
    

    I have not been able to speak with them easily.

    
    

    That's okay, we'll help you with that.

    
    

    What if they don't want to talk to me?

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5'2"
    
    

    physique:

    Slim, lanky
    
    

    eyes:

    Dark brown, almost black
    
    

    hair:

    Midtone brown, naturally wavy
    
    

    face claim:

    Serena Motola
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    Her skin is heavily freckled, especially on her face and shoulders
    
    

    body modifications:

    earlobe piercings
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    Dark academia/cottagecore, lots of oversized sweaters, full length skirts, knitted gloves and leg warmers
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    cigar by tamino
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    Miyu was born to a drug-addicted mother in Osaka City General Hospital, Japan, where she was immediately confiscated and placed with a foster family. Though they were a loving family, their situation unfortunately changed and, as Miyu was only a foster child, they were able to return her to the system. Miyu was unsure what really happened, it was very sudden and she wasn't exactly given an explaination. Miyu was only left to wonder what happened.
    
    Miyu was then placed with a new family with an abusive father figure. Though her foster mother was caring, patching her up and doing her best to comfort her, she was afraid of her husband and did nothing to stop him from hurting Miyu further. Miyu repressed a lot of the things that happened to her with this family and can't consciously recall them, however they often creep into her dreams. The actions her father took still effect her emotionally and mentally, even if she can't remember exactly what happened. It was around this time that she began to lose her hearing.
    
    Her foster mother eventually blew the whistle and Miyu was returned to the system. This was around the time her biological mother attempted to regain custody. There was evidence she was still a heavy drug user, however, so she was denied access to her. However, this allowed the foster home to contact her family to find a new placement for her. They came into contact with her aunt, Akari, who had emmigrated from Japan to America before Miyu was born. She was unaware her sister had a daughter and, though a little nervous, offered to foster her alongside her own son, Haru.
    
    She was a good mother, she tried to make Miyu as happy as she could, offering her the best she could with the limited money she had. Miyu had never really had the opportunity to try different hobbies, so Akari let her participate in anything she wanted. However, Miyu was quiet and closed off, she wasn't keen to meet new people and didn't speak to Akari or Haru very often. Akari was aware of some abuse in her past but, as Miyu couldn't remember a lot of what happened, she wasn't able to tell them what happened. Akari assumed whatever had happened to her made her feel the need to isolate herself. She had no idea Miyu was going deaf.
    
    Despite how hard Akari tried, she could never help Miyu if she didn't know the problem. It came to a head when Miyu was found on the wrong side of the barrier of a bridge, staring down at the river below. The police were called and, after what felt like hours, a Japanese interpreter was called to help communicate with her. They eventually talked her down and Miyu was put under psychiatric hold until Akari could be contacted.
    
    Akari convinced her to voluntarily admit herself to Saint Margaret's, where she would undergo treatment for anxiety, depression, suicidal ideations and PTSD.
    

    
    
    

    We ought to think they aren't smart

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - infp-t

    
    

    
    

    
    introverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    feeling
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    prospecting
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    It could be something I missed

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    - Shy
    - Closed off
    - Slow to trust
    - Warey
    - Cat person
    - Slightly afraid of the dark but won't admit it
    - Hates meeting new people but really wants new friends
    - Feels an urge to adopt any animal she sees in need - once tried to convince the hospital to let her keep a pigeon with a limp, but isn't good at confrontation so stopped arguing quite quickly
    - Loves chocolate everything... apart from dark chocolate, she thinks it's too bitter
    - Hates crying in front of people but also cries a lot
    - She struggles to sleep due to nightmares so hates going to bed
    - She didn't have many stuffed animals growing up so craves them now
    - She hates being touched, something she assumes is a product of her time in foster care, but she fantasizes about being hugged
    - She hates bland foods. Akari is a good cook and she's gotten too used to eating her spicy cooking
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[thinking]

"I thought that was in the drugs but the more i took, the more it took away and i could never get enough..."

isóbel fenrirsen
twenty-five

© weldherwings.

 

[Chimney Swift]

"I'm sorry...
I'm fine. Really."

MAX BERKOWITZ

• 001
• 02

• 
  
  
  

  warning!

  
  

  Bullying, internalized homophobia, sexual harassment, and suicide attempts involving overdose and asphyxiation. Read the history at your own discretion.

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
• 
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Maximilian David Berkowitz
    

    Age:

    19
    

    dob:

    April 11
    

    pronouns:

    He/him/his
    

    gender:

    Male (cis)
    

    zodiac sign:

    Aries
    

    pob:

    Carolina Beach, NC
    

    sexuality:

    Homosexual
    

    physical ailments:

    Waardenburg Syndrome Type 2
    

    psychiatric ailments:

    Depression, Generalized Anxiety, Suicidal Ideation
    

    ethnicity:

    Ashkenazi Jewish
    

    languages:

    American Sign Language, English
    

    occupation:

    Student at Ohio State University
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    I'm a chore. I'm work, too much work for someone to love.

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    OSU wants me to take a leave of absence. I've been out of classes too long and they think it'd be better if I just drop out for the semester and pick it back up again next spring, or whenever it is I get out of this hole.
    
    why should I even go back? I don't have any friends. No one even likes me. Everyone hates me. I'm just... I'm just that deaf guy, that gay deaf guy, that stupid gay deaf guy that no one fucking likes. I should've known it was all a joke. I should've known no one actually thought of me as anything else.
    why did I think it was going to be any different from high school
    why did I think someone fucking liked me for once
    stupid stupid stupid
    
    I'm failing all my classes anyway at this point. I haven't been to writing comp in months
    that's it. i'm dropping out. no one will miss me. they wouldn't care. they wouldn't care if i fucking jumped off a bridge
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    I want you to notice when I'm not around.

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    max, is something wrong? You were kind of weird in class today ngl

    
    

    oh i was just feeling a little nauseous... sorry if i scared you running out like that

    
    

    are you sure? i mean if you need to talk that's totally cool

    
    

    It's fine. But hey, I have kind of a weird favor to ask. It's okay if you can't do it.
    I just need someone to take my plants. I don't know… I thought you might give them a good home. I can't take care of them anymore. I've been busy."
    

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5'10
    
    

    physique:

    lean, long-limbed, and a bit gawky and awkward-looking, as if growing up tall stretched him out too thin.
    
    

    eyes:

    Bright icy blue, a product of Waardenburg Syndrome.
    
    

    hair:

    Medium brown, with a bit of a golden tint in the sunlight. It's always a little messy and overgrown, as he's often too tired and distracted to style it.
    
    

    face claim:

    Chandler Riggs.
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    Max's gentle lopsided smile is a trademark of his, almost as iconic as his unconvincing lies. His mannerisms are shy and fidgety, often holding himself awkwardly as if trying to shrink up smaller. He has a light spray of freckles across his pale face, and thin faded scars on his thighs.
    
    

    body modifications:

    None, unless you count the scars. He's not nearly confident enough in his appearance to get something as flashy as a piercing or tattoo.
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    Understated, conservative, and nerdy. Max seems to like his flannel shirts and jeans, usually dressed in soft neutral shades of green, gray, and brown.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    
    

    
    
    

    history

    
    

    I'll most likely edit this into my usual paragraph format at a later date, but I've made a bulleted list for now. I hope it'll be okay. This code has been killing me dead.
    
    

    • Max was born in the early morning of April 11th to Joel and Rachel Berkowitz.
    • He is identified as profoundly deaf shortly after his birth; genetic testing confirmed Waardenburg Syndrome, a rare disorder with multiple subtypes. His parents choose not to get a cochlear implant and Max is taught both ASL and spoken English, taking speech therapy for 9 years to be able to communicate orally. Speech therapy itself becomes a bit of a traumatic experience for Max, leaving him feeling frustrated and inadequate.
    • Those feelings of inadequacy would follow him through elementary and middle school, leaving him susceptible to bullying due to his quiet and insecure nature.
    • By the time he enters high school at 14, Max has dealt with so much rejection from his peers that when he starts having some... unusual feelings about boys, he chooses not to tell anyone. Unfortunately, his closet is made of glass and all his classmates can tell just from his mannerisms and behavior around people. They use this knowledge to add to his torment, though he still refuses to admit that he's gay openly, feeling that it would only make the situation worse.
    • But later that year, his crush on one of his few friends becomes too much to keep secret. He confesses one day after school, only to be rejected immediately. The boy would never speak to him again. This, combined with the complex of inferiority that has begun to crush him, sends him on a spiral from anxiety to deep depression.
    • Max attempts suicide for the first time at the beginning of his sophomore year of high school, at 15 years old. A Benadryl overdose. After being rushed to the hospital and resuscitated, he would spend 4 days in the ICU and about 1 month in an adolescent psychiatric ward before returning to school as if nothing had happened.
    • Around this time, his parents enroll him in therapy at the request of his social worker from the hospital, but he seems to gain little from his sessions and often finds his attempts at honesty being shut down and invalidated by his therapist.
    • Finally comes out as gay in his junior year of high school, after encouragement from his friends, but the bullying and harassment continue to escalate. He finds out that the friend he had a crush on in his Freshman year has been spreading rumors about him, leading to more and more instances of brutal mockery.
    • After graduating from high school, Max applies to Gallaudet University in Washington DC, but is not accepted. He ends up attending Ohio State University, one of the few schools to accept his application. Initially, he enters as a Communications major with a focus in Journalism, but later changed to English/Creative Writing due to the inaccessibility of the curriculum, only to find that his new course of study isn't any better.
    • In addition to struggling for equal treatment due to being one of the only Deaf students in his class, the same kind of bullying from high school crops up again. After finding out that Max is gay, a boy asks him out and he accepts, only to be tricked into a compromising and humiliating video that is leaked to the public.
    • The fallout from this event culminates in his second suicide attempt halfway through his freshman year of college, at 19 years old. An attempted hanging. After being found and rescued by his roommate, he is once again admitted to the hospital, this time at a private ward in Ohio...

    
    

    
    
    

    What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - INFP-T
    

    
    

    
    

    
    Introverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    feeling
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    prospecting
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    I'm sorry that I embarrassed you.

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    
    
    
    Vices: Lack of self-awareness.
    Low self-esteem.
    Short temper.
    Awkward.
    Bad at lying.
    Forgetful.
    Impulsive.
    
    Virtues: Compassionate.
    Empathetic.
    Altruistic.
    Persistent.
    Selfless.
    Loyal.
    Strong Moral Compass.
    
    Deepest Fear: Rejection.
    
    Motivations: To be liked by everyone... to do the most good he can for everyone else, regardless of the cost to his own wellbeing.
    
    Quirks/Habits: Obvious bad lies.
    Hand-wringing, lip-biting, and other mild fidgeting tics.
    Disorganization.
    Self-neglect.
    Getting into terrible stupid trouble.
    
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[rakshasa]

"I'm never alone. God is with me."

HEATHER LOVELL

• 001
• 02

• 
  
  
  

  warning!

  
  

  Contains detailed descriptions of psychosis, hallucinations, delusion of a religious nature, violence and medical emergencies.

  
  
  

  
  

  i understand

  
  

  
  
  
  
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  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Heather Lovell
    

    Age:

    18 years old
    

    dob:

    February 22nd
    

    pronouns:

    she/her
    

    gender:

    Cis Female
    

    zodiac sign:

    Pisces
    

    pob:

    Youngstown, OHio
    

    sexuality:

    Bisexual
    

    ailments:

    Psychosis secondary to brain tumor
    

    ethnicity:

    American with Scottish ancestry
    

    languages:

    English
    

    occupation:

    Student
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    There's a man watching me near the door. His arms are as wide as toothpicks and everytime I look down to write he reaches towards me, when I look back up he puts down his arm. Dogs are barking outside. I'm in the bowels of hell being fed hot coals. The doctors watch me while I do anything but they don't know I'm watching them, I know what they're doing. I see past their skin. They have no hearts, just tar pits. They're all just agents of satan. They laugh when I smile but they laugh because they're clueless and I smile because their reckoning is coming. The lord is my refuge. The Lord is my fortress. In him will i trust.
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    lead us not into temptation and Deliver us from evil.

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    mom made dinner come down

    
    

    I'm not feeling good. It feels like something bad is coming, like the ocean receding before a tsunami. It's such a sinking feeling it makes me nauseous. I'm scared.

    
    

    stop being so weird. just come and eat

    
    

    Nevermind. God bless you. Talk to You tonight.

    
    

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5'10
    
    

    physique:

    A flat, hungry figure framed by knobby matchstick limbs. Besides her height, very little about her body distinguishes her from her peers.
    
    

    eyes:

    Viridian blue irises reflect the image of a deer caught in the headlights, fully exposed by eyelids dilated in shock and horror.
    
    

    hair:

    A choppy brush of peanut-blonde, barely grazing her shoulders. Rarely does she take the time out of her day to brush it, and styling it in her state of mind is out of the question.
    
    

    face claim:

    Allison Harvard
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    Round full cheeks surround a knobby, downturned nose and full, doll-like lips, painted in a ghostly pallor befitting a face frequently struck with fear. She trembles as she walks, pacing through the halls with her hands held at her chest, anxiously anticipating whatever around the corner may warrant quick action.
    
    

    body modifications:

    None
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    Comfort in an inoffensive palette, nothing that clings too tightly or may impede her movement. Recently she’s taken to wearing what some may call ‘granny dresses’, loose, flowy nightgowns that often fall to her ankles.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    mama's gun (slowed) - glass animals
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    - Born to a middle class family, youngest sister to two older brothers
    - Grew up surrounded by love, always well looked after and cared for
    - Loved being the star of attention from an early age, sang, danced and put on shows for her family
    - Fell in love with musical theater after her first performance, adored the flashiness, the flamboyance, the drama of it all
    - Excelled in school from kindergarten onwards
    - Experienced a bit of bullying starting in middle school for her nerdy interests, making her a bit insecure
    - It wasn't all bad, as she was able to start her acting career in school plays
    - Opened up and gained a huge circle in high school
    - Started doing volunteer work, just for the joy of being involved in the community and helping people
    - Participated in countless clubs, starred in many a musical, all while at the top of her class grades-wise
    - Things began to change at the beginning of senior year
    - She would wake up with a headache and nausea that haunted her for hours, not yielding to even the strongest painkillers
    - She became quieter, memories would slip her mind, and she never seemed present in a conversation
    - Her studies began to fall behind as she could no longer seem to focus on anything
    - Her family and friends were baffled as she lost interest in performing and no longer found appeal in the spotlight
    - Despite being raised agnostic, she started attending church multiple times a week, sometimes more than once a day
    - Unbeknownst to her loved ones, she was not going through a slump but fighting for her life against advancing psychosis
    - Shadowy figures followed her and lingered in her field of vision, she heard voices she could only attribute to God and His angels, and delusion crept in like a fog of paranoia and doubt
    - Everything came to a front one night while she prepared to work as stage crew for a play her school was putting on, when she dropped to the ground shaking, her first ever seizure
    - Terrified, her parents rushed her to the hospital, where she quickly recovered and received a quick MRI scan before being sent home with a couple anti-epileptics
    - A week was all it took for Heather to drop completely off the deep end
    - In her deluded state, she came to the conclusion her family had been replaced by demons that took their form
    - God Himself told her to take action, prompting her to walk into her parents bedroom in the middle of the night, knife in hand
    - Luckily her mother was awake, and she only managed to knick her shoulder before she was locked in the bathroom as her parents called emergency services
    - She was put on a 5150 and admitted to St. Margaret's
    - Soon after, she received the results to her MRI, revealing a large and malignant tumor in her frontal lobe
    
    

    
    
    

    there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - entp-t

    
    

    
    

    
    paranoid
    

    
    introverted
    

    
    optimistic
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    friendly
    

    
    erratic
    

    
    intelligent
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    Fearfully and wonderfully made.

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    Heather's delusions go as follows:
    God has chosen her and will bring her to heaven. He has done this because the earth is being overrun by demons. There are countless demons trying to break into her body to try and sneak into heaven. God is constantly testing her to make sure she’s good enough for heaven, giving her tasks to carry out that range from puzzling but reasonable to completely illogical and sometimes destructive. In her head, her doctors are satan worshipping demons trying to sully her body and mind and make her unfit for God’s plan. She believes they may be stealing her thoughts and planting new ones she doesn’t agree with. She suffers from delusions of reference, believing insignificant occurrences are messages from God to communicate with her and mean something.
    
    Plagued by constant, often horrific hallucinations, including shadowy figures following her, bugs crawling up the walls, etc. Oftentimes small patterns and stains on random objects will warp out of control in her vision, turning into frightening monsters. Her auditory hallucinations include insults, threats and commands, the latter she understands as god's words. She stims often to try and subdue the intense emotions that come with her hallucinations.
    
    Heather was once an optimistic extrovert, full of ambition and motivation, starting down a future full of potential. An intelligent young woman (some may have described her as a know-it-all), she was even on track to be her classes valedictorian. Despite cancer gouging most of her personality, she still holds on to a few key traits that not even the worst of the worst could strip from her.
    
    Heather is still a supportive and caring person at her core, always there for those who need to shoulder to cry on or an ear to talk off. She loves to offer advice and interpretations of things if one is willing to listen, and doesn't hesitate to warn others or fight for their honor when it comes to a threat, be it real or imagined. She wants what's the best for others, no matter the cost. If you can manage to make it past the walls she puts up for her own protection and offer her friendship, she's always willing to accept, even if she's wary of you.
    
    To observers she may seem miles away, and though she may be in her own world in most situations, by no means should you assume her to be unintelligent. She remains a critical thinker and quick problem solver, often times coming to conclusions others may not have considered due to her irregular way of looking at situations. It should also not be assumed that she'll be of help in every situation; she's extremely scatterbrained, often following illogical patterns of thought. In her current state, she's nearly unable to stick to one train of thought with how prone to change she is. She's prone to extreme mood swings, often due to her hallucinations and quick-changing delusions, leaving it a complete mystery to herself and others whether she'll be in the same mood as the one you left her in.
    
    One unshakeable aspect of her current personality, a through-line that connects all of her different moods is her depression; enveloped by constant chaos and at the mercy of her own senses, Heather is unable to shake the immense feeling of wrongness that pervades her every action and thought, leading her to feel exhausted and overwhelmed at every moment of the day. Deep down, she feels out of control and knows something is deeply wrong with her and just wishes it would stop. Constant paranoia to the point of near-panic forbids even fleeting feelings of relief and happiness.
    
    Whether it be her perceived direct line to God or her deep down heart of gold, Heather is unable to lie. This has earned her some contempt at St. Margarets, as her point of view is not always kind or necessary. Other ways her chosen-one delusion affects her is giving her a bit of a god-complex; if she is being told things right from what she sees as god's own mouth, she has no reason to doubt what she is told or see from a point other than her delusions.
    
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[Sugarnaut]

"What I wouldn't give to be in church this Sunday Listening to the choir so heartfelt,
all singing..."

Trinity Adora
Salvador-Carson

• 001
• 02

• 
  
  
  

  warning!

  
  

  This character sheet includes religious trauma, self-harm, delusion, anxiety, paranoia, deteriorated mental health, Dissociative Identity Disorder, sexual trauma (sa, csa), abusive parents, generational trauma, grooming, predatory behavior, and mental institutionalization through coercion.

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Trinity Adora Salvador-Carson
    

    Body Age:

    Twenty-Four
    

    Body dob:

    February 15th
    

    Host Pronouns:

    She/Her
    

    Host Gender:

    Female
    

    zodiac sign:

    Aquarius
    

    Body pob:

    San Diego, California, USA
    

    Host sexuality:

    Lesbian
    

    ailments:

    Dissociative Identity Disorder, Paranoia, Separation Anxiety, Self-harm, Delusion
    

    ethnicity:

    White/Spanish
    

    languages:

    English
    

    occupation:

    Resident Hot Girl
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    If they strike once, then you just hit 'em twice as hard.

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    I really think having a diary is a good idea! Maybe SOME of us doesn't think so but I LIKE IT. It feels like a secret hiding place where all of our thoughts could feel permanent... until that shithead doctor of ours reads it for his research paper. He's a nasty nasty pervert who likes to keep his pants down.
    
    We know you don't do that, doc. Dodge's just being... Dodge! Plus, even if we are part of a research paper, what's wrong with being helpful? People like us are just as normal as everyone else. We're like that one song. We've got the besssttt of both worlds, mix it all together And you know that it's the best of both worlds. ♫ ♪ ♪ ♫ ♪
    
    

    † † † † † † † † † † †
    G̴̫̼͎͛͋̕Ö̸̢̫̦́͝͝D̴̢̙͇͒͒̀ I̴̼͍̞͐̿͑S̸̘̙͉̈́͒͛ O̴̼͇͌̓̿U̸̢͔̼̒̈́̈́R̵̝͇͕͒̽͐ R̴̘̺̫͋̾͘E̵̡̢͖̓̀̚F̵̺̝͕͛̕͝U̵̦̼͇͒͐͊G̸̢̺͋͋͘͜E̸͎̟͙̓͊͛ A̵̙͉͉͌͒̕N̴̫͑͑͜D̵̡̺͔̓̚͠ Ș̸̻́̽͋T̸̘̦͙́͋R̵̞̺̒͋͑Ë̴̪͚̻́̾̕N̵̟̺̠̒̿̿G̵̘͉͙̈́̀̀T̴̙̻̈́̿̿H̴̼͇̠͑̐̓
    † † † † † † † † † † † ​

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    But in the end, if I bend under the weight that they gave me

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    and who am i speaking to today?

    
    

    just me today like always... trinity... and sasha's here too.

    
    

    interesting since last time i believe i was speaking to dodge...

    
    

    he said you're a c*nt and doesn't want to talk to sheeple again.

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5 foot 3 inches
    
    

    physique:

    small and mighty! they're also weak.
    
    

    eyes:

    Green
    
    

    hair:

    Dark brown/Box-dye black
    
    

    face claim:

    Heather Baron-Gracie
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    shifty eyes, patchy hair and hair cut, scarring.
    
    

    body modifications:

    Ear lobes pierced and scarred. Tattoos of another life is too faded to remember exactly.
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    Defaulting to all black and tight clothes. Not revealing! Just nothing loose.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    sun bleached flies by ethel cain
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    † Mother was 15 when she gave birth to Trinity.
    † Father is a clergyman who was forced to marry Trinity after she was born.
    † The family moves and becomes a prominent figure in the church.
    † Often leaves Trinity to fend for herself, which causes her to depend on the neighbor. *
    † Sexual trauma via neighbor (both father and son) *
    † Trinity is usually punished severely with religious themes included. *
    † Public school shows concerned for her but is never fully investigated.
    † Age 10 - Trinity's parents brutally punishes her for what is occuring at the neighbor's house. *
    † Taken out of public school for homeschooling - which is very little actual schooling.
    † Isolation but becomes friends with a neighborhood girl. Parents do not like her at all.
    † Age 15 - Trinity with the help of her friend now girlfriend bleaches her hair blonde which ignites the worst punishment.
    † This ignites a flight response in Trinity where she runs away and becomes a tour band groupie just to escape her parents.
    † Age 17 - After almost two years of the "sex, drugs, and rock and roll" lifestyle, Trinity finds herself back at home.*
    † Obtains a part-time job as a waitress to earn anything.
    † Reconnected with her ex-girlfriend and start a rendezvous
    † Parents learn about this and puts Trinity in isolation.
    † Reconnected with abusive neighbor father where she actually stabs him (Where? idk)
    † Damn he has Hemophilia and is a fucking liar to save his own pervy pedo ass
    † Trinity is sent to psych ward due to self-inflicted wounds and a suicide attempt
    † After release, she gains a job as a waitress with a bar but is short lived.
    † Attacks a patron (that deserves it) which her psychiatric suggests going to Saint Margaret's
    † Self-coercion/voluntarally accepts going to mf Ohio.
    † She's been in Saint Margaret's for almost 1 year now
    † No visitors ever
    † Is part of a study about DID
    

    
    
    

    Then this heart would break and fall as twice as far

    
    
    [/b]
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    Trinity - Host

    
    

    
    

    Trinity is pretty average if you asked her. She likes the normal things like radio music and jello cups. She tends to doubt every action she makes but usually does "the thing" anyways. She does enjoy talking to others even though her social battery prefers to be "alone". Isolation is not an option for her as it triggers a fight or flight response. Most of her late teen years are blank as amnesia was a way for her to cope. She enjoys eating, which is surprising to many with her frail frame, and is the slowest eater ever. She wants to be the cool girl so bad and she totally would be if she wasn't such a tryhard people-pleaser. Although having severe religious trauma, she finds herself to be fairly spiritual. She spends her Sunday mornings dedicated to prayer and has started to feel "recovered" from those wounds. She has a positive outlet to life even though she falls into catastrophizing any little thing.
    
    Personality Type: Personality Type - ENFP
    Likes: Rock-indie music, alternative pop music, cats and racoons,
    Dislikes: Rave music, distortion and loud noises, snakes,
    Hobbies Watching tv, being on her phone, "Get Ready with Me" videos,
    Interests: Staying up-to-date with pop culture,
    Key Mannerisms: Distinct eye contact before looking around then continuing the conversation, always sitting criss-cross-applesauce on chairs, kinda always cold and shivering.
    

    
    

    We all know how it goes, The more it hurts, the less it shows

    
    
    

    
    

    Sasha - Main Protector

    
    

    † Closest to Trinity and most often co-conscious.
    † Inner appearance: "The main character from Atlantis but blonde... and real."
    † Enjoys reading (now audiobooks) and morning walks with a cup of coffee.
    † Is frugal - and very aware about wasting things.
    † Pansexual. "I kinda have to be right?"
    † Would say he's older than Trinity by a few years. (He's 34.)
    This alter formed when Trinity was left home so many times to fend for herself at a young age. Sasha tends to front when the body needs to do mundane adult tasks or "feel" things.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    Sarah - Persecutor

    
    

    † Fronts only when under pressure or guilt. (combative)
    † Host-critical and host-hating.
    † Host/Self-inflicting minor pain.
    † Devoutly religious.
    † In talks with Dodge about "the plan".
    † Genuinely believes they will "ascend" if the body is killed.
    This alter branched off from a previous protector alter as a kid who was meticulously punished in a toxic religious household. Physical repentance works.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    Dodge - Persecutor/Introject

    
    

    † Paranoid about everyone and everything.
    † Grouchy teen who hates his part-time job. What's his job? Protecting "the system". Sasha doesn't consider him a protector.
    † Dislikes Sasha for many reasons.
    † Believes killing "the body" would not affect him.
    † Dysphoric as hell
    This alter formed after the sexual trauma with the boy next door growing up. Barely allowed to front, he's ultimately dissatisfied with the situation and doesn't believe leaving the facility will be good for him anymore.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    Lorelai - Gatekeeper/Caretaker Alter

    
    

    † Never usually fronts and everyone (usually) respects her.
    † Usually is taking care of the littles and is a motherly figure.
    † Soft spoken but stern
    This alter feels like she's "always been there" and only fronts when even Sasha is having difficulties. She turns a blind eye on what Sarah and Dodge does when they front as she's empathetic to their pain as well.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    Name Withheld- Child Alter

    
    

    † Tends to front when under immense peer pressure or guilt. (avoidant)
    † Tends to cry a lot.
    † Deny deny deny. Always say no.
    † Usually confused, lost, and thinking they're in trouble.
    † Is very very helpful and just wants to be part of the team.
    This alter formed after a traumatic experience at the body age of 7.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    Lydia - Sexual / Social Protector Alter

    
    

    † Will front during social and sexual outings.
    † Was fully conscious with Sasha from ages 15-17 during the band groupie days.
    † Fairly dormant and helps Lydia if anything.
    This alter formed after her traumatic experiences with her male neighbors. She's apathetic to the experience as she sees it as a way of survival. Actually hates being stuck in this hospital but negotiated that this was the best option.
    

    
    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[Twin Fantasy]

i'm sick and tired of praying,
i just wanna be better

DANTE NARVAEZ SANTA MARIA

• 001
• 02

• 
  
  
  

  warning!

  
  

  Contains discussions of fatphobia, homophobia, sexual assault, self-harm, suicide attempts, bullying and ableism.

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
• 
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Dante Narvaez Santa Maria
    

    Age:

    21
    

    dob:

    December 8th
    

    pronouns:

    he/him
    

    gender:

    Cis male
    

    zodiac sign:

    Sagittarius
    

    pob:

    Tucson, Arizona
    

    sexuality:

    Gay
    

    ailments:

    Depression, anxiety, PTSD, body dysmorphia
    

    ethnicity:

    Mexican-American
    

    languages:

    Spanish (Occidental Mexican dialect) and English.
    

    occupation:

    Comic artist, editor
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    take my tea with formaldehyde, for my feminine side

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    elo says mom doesn't really care if i'm gay. listen, i'm a lot of things, but i'm not fucking stupid.
    
    nobody wants to hear that their son is queer, and they especially don't want to hear it over the phone while he's at the psych ward for popping pills like they're free candy. i'd come down there and kill him myself if i was in that situation. if i was even willing to touch him.
    
    they turn over sticky sports magazines that you hid under your drawer. they always know what you did, they just want to hear you say it.
    
    i feel sick and miserable. genuinely would just finish myself off now if i had the means. i'm tempted to tell my roommate to smother me with my own pillow, but i don't think he wants to. im just sick of getting sent here. this has gotta be the millionth time now. it isn't helping. it isn't always the same hospital, but it might as well be. they all feel and function the same way, like how music boxes are built roughly the same even if they play different songs.
    
    i want to die a virgin like mother mary. it's what i deserve.
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    we can't afford your depression anymore

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    hey there danny. how u doin?

    
    

    Hi Elo. I've been better.

    
    

    damn : ( well i bought dunkin donts

    
    

    Alright... Thanks.

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5'3
    
    

    physique:

    Chubby, with a particularly notable waist, stomach and chin. His chest is also relatively large despite him having small shoulders. His legs are long, at least for a man his height, and his torso is vertically compact.
    
    

    eyes:

    Brown, double-lidded, and slightly hooded.
    
    

    hair:

    Inky black, and usually tousled with a bit of hairgel to give it some life. He's left his hair care routines behind after being committed again, but still washes it fastidiously.
    
    

    face claim:

    Harvey Guillen
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    Dante considers his weight to be the most prominent feature on him -- he calls himself "The Blob" when he feels like telling a joke. He has a gentle and placid face, one that you might assume you can trust just by looking. His glasses are also extremely thick.
    
    

    body modifications:

    None.
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    Dante has pretty much always dressed like a dork with a bunch of sweater vests and khakis, but in more recent years he's been erring in sort of a business goth direction. He favors black and dark-colored clothing.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    gloomy sunday - billie holiday
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    (TW: Fat-shaming, body image issues, self-harm, homophobia, CSA/CP)
    
    Dante was born in Tucson, and lived there for about two years. He had one sister, one brother, and both of his parents. Tight-knit. Staunch Catholics. They'd eventually move to Phoenix due to the better job prospects, before ultimately returning to Tucson again for the cheaper rent. Then, due to his dad's work, they wound up in Pennsylvania later in his life.
    
    Immediately there was something off about Dante. It wasn't just that, at a young age, his weight ballooned in size and wouldn't go down. It wasn't just that he was shy beyond comprehension, nothing like a real man. It wasn't even just that he couldn't seem to make a single friend. It was the way he existed, his vast non-understanding of basic social concepts and his single-minded search for only things he was interested in. He got diagnosed with autism, and the hefty price of that doctor's visit set them back several paychecks.
    
    In middle school, he saw a boy he liked. More than he'd liked any girl, really. He played soccer and had pretty eyes. But he walked that love straight to confession, and got told pretty bluntly that liking boys gets you sent way, way down when you die.
    
    So he locked that away and never pulled it back out. Even had a few girlfriends, but never lost his virginity. Even if he was attracted to women, the constantly layering self-hatred regarding his body never stopped. He'd been ruthlessly bulled over it, and that only got worse. There's no escape from the cruelty of white teenage sports jocks. Dante's only solace was in the art of horror. High school was when he first tried to take his own life. His stint in the hospital was about a month and a half.
    
    After his eldest brother, his parents didn't have the money to really put him or his sister through college. Dante continued his hobby of writing horror-themed internet zines and comics, selling copies of his work online and editing novels on the side.
    
    When he was around 19, something came out involving a series of pornographic films of a young boy that happened to be him. Apparently, back when Dante would stay with his uncle as a young boy, the old creep would take creepshots and films of him. The videos circulated for years before being intercepted by the police, and it took them even longer to find the source -- they blamed budget cuts, but Dante's elder sister Elodia suspected that they just didn't give a shit.
    
    That was Dante's second attempt. Watching a video of yourself getting molested to "verify that it's you" really takes a lot out of you. His third attempt, a mere month after returning from the hospital the previous time. At that point he got a serious verbal lashing from his father for being a burden to the family, and that if he's going to keep wasting their money he might as well leave. Dante remained tight-lipped about his attempts from then on.
    
    For a few years, life stagnated. Dante continued working, and hurt himself a fair amount to quell the thoughts of suicide. His art also got noticeably more introspective, lots of metaphors about being a gay Mexican Catholic.
    
    Nobody knows quite why he attempted again. Big brother Gil suspects it was because he found the secret artwork under Dante's mattress. Beautiful pen-sketches of men fucking each other. Elodia thinks it was just a result of the passage of time. There's only so long a man can keep all of that inside. Regardless, she found him spasming on the floor after downing too many pills -- a painfully feminine way to die.
    
    He was admitted again in the middle of September, and has shown no sign of improvement.
    
    

    
    
    

    when i get to the bottom i go back to the top of the slide

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - entp-t

    
    

    
    

    
    introverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    feeling
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    prospecting
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    spooky little boy like you

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    Dante's the definition of a wallflower, but behind the cold exterior is a beautiful mind... or perhaps a spooky one. Dante loves two things more than anything else in the world: video games and horror media. He's written his own horror zines before, usually under a pen name like "the grave lord" or "the death dealer" or something cool-sounding like that. He also adores games, would probably make one if he knew fuck-all about coding. He appreciates the method of interactive artistry, and particularly enjoys things that are either very story-heavy or very artsy. (his two favorite games are "red dead redemption 2" and "the path", for reference.) He's also got a love of anything strategic, whether it be "risk" or "pokemon".
    
    But you'll probably never get to experience any of that, because after many years of being cast aside for his enthusiasm, He's decided it's better to keep it to himself. Nobody wants to see a guy who's too eager. He has a very low self-opinion, and doesn't believe he'll ever be happy with himself or anything he creates. Nobody wants to date a guy who's spent a year of his life trying to work out the best possible pokemon strats, nor does anyone wanna talk to a guy that considers nosferatu an inspirational figure. He might as well just give up. As the years have dragged on, Dante's self-loathing has turned into outright nihilism. He's still gentle, but can be kind of a pill.
    
    virtues: deep thinking, enthusiasm, intelligence, creativity, dry wit, gentleness, sincerity.
    vices: self-loathing, prudishness, bleak outlook, timidity, occasional hostility.
    
    likes: horror movies, junji ito, edvard munch, halloween, video games, rice, fat cats.
    dislikes: most social gatherings, romcoms, sandwiches, winter, scented candles, talking diets with the family.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[riddle .]

"there's comfort...in the nothingness."

JELLE DRUKKER

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• 02

• 
  
  
  

  warning!

  
  

  history contains physical assault, descriptions of dissociation/ptsd/depression, thoughts of suicide, and implied sexual assault. please read at your own discretion.

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    jelle drukker
    

    age:

    twenty two
    

    dob:

    january eighth
    

    pronouns:

    he/him/his
    

    gender:

    cis-male
    

    zodiac sign:

    capricorn
    

    pob:

    new york city
    

    sexuality:

    demisexual
    

    ailments:

    dissociative amnesia, depression, and ptsd.
    

    ethnicity:

    dutch american
    

    languages:

    english, dutch, and a bit of norwegian
    

    occupation:

    freelance tailor
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    wonderland is destroyed! my mind is in ruins!

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 12.10.22

    
    they told me i forgot myself again. it wasn't as long as it could've been. just a few hours....i should feel scared, right? i mean, i was scared when it first started happening. now, i don't feel scared. i don't feel much of anything.
    
    the days blur together. if they didn't give me a calendar to keep track, i'm pretty sure i wouldn't even know what year it is. it feel nice in a way. freeing. the things i used to worry about don't bother me anymore. even when i have a black out and wake up strapped down, i'm not bothered. i...i think...
    
    
    
    i am scared. i am bothered.
    
    my name is jelle drukker. i'm 22 years old. my mother is laura drukker. my dad died before i was born. my best friend and sister is maura drukker. i'm here to get help. i need help. please, let me remember.
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    my sweetest torture, don't die too soon.

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    where are you??

    
    

    who is this?

    
    

    jel. it's me. your sister? mom is worried...

    
    

    oh. yeah....sorry. must have not saved right in my phone lol.

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5'10''
    
    

    physique:

    tall and thin. too thin at times. a bit gangly, really. soft, used to brisk walks and moderate morning runs.
    
    

    eyes:

    a stormy blue. the sea on an overcast day with rain clouds threatening rain from afar. deep as that sea, but terribly empty.
    
    

    hair:

    dark brown. choppily cut as he does it himself.
    
    

    face claim:

    jared thomas taby
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    hooked nose. cupid's bow lips. light splattering of freckles across his face and body. scarred hands from pricking himself one too many times with a sewing needle.
    
    

    body modifications:

    pierced ears, though he rarely puts any earrings in. forgets he even has them pierced sometimes.
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    wears ill-fitting clothes; too baggy and appears second-hand. dislikes bright or loud colors, so he settles with neutrals. beige, black, and white. doesn't enjoy dressing up and doesn't make an effort to put together anything special for occasions unless he gets haggled by his mother or sister enough. also avoids jewelry apart from a few rings or bracelets as he keeps taking them off and leaving them where he can't ever find them again. plus, they just get in the way.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    autumn by no kind of rider
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    jelle grew up running the streets of new york with his older sister, maura. he was the son of an immigrant single mother who was a gifted seamstress. jelle took after her, eager to assist and learn the trade. his sister had loftier ideas; college, a nice cushy job. he was fine with that. he took joy in the calming stitch, the soft yarn that pooled to the floor as he created. he was good. exceptional. and he was happy.
    
    he was quickly noticed. americans, as his mother told him, loved anything they thought was novel or quaint. a poor immigrant who still fumbled his english was quaint. made his designs desirable to the upper echelons. foreign designs were oh-so-nice to show off. jel didn't mind their offhand comments, he was paid well for a nineteen-year-old.
    
    maybe it would have happened to anyone. wrong place, wrong time. one rich guy he met at an event, inviting him out with a sincere smile, congratulating him on his work - wanting to boost him. he'd been thrown down to the ground, pleading for help with predatory eyes watching him from above. with each hit, every broken piece of him strewn about, and the bruises forming in places they shouldn’t be - it happened.
    
    the break. the fog replacing the pain and horror with perfect nothingness. he wandered in it until it stopped and he was alone. nothing to tell, he said after. his mother and sister's concern couldn't reach him. for days, he lived in limbo and he slipped further down. he left in a blur and forgot. his name, his family, and his whole life as he wandered. for three years, he went in and out of the fog. disconnected one day, and lucid the next; desperate for any release from it all. it was only when he was sitting at the dining room table and looked at his mother and sister like strangers like they were a danger, and acted like a cornered animal as his sister held him down while his mother grabbed the blade from his hand that it finally connected again when he woke up while still awake.
    
    signing himself into saint margaret's was the clearest thing he had done in three years.
    
    

    
    
    

    there's nothing else for him to do, but kill me slowly

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - intp-t

    
    

    
    

    
    introverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    thinking
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    prospecting
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    oh mommy dearest where are you now?

    
    
    

    
    

    psyche

    
    

    
    jelle feels more dead than alive most days, even to others. he wanders the halls aimlessly like he's looking for something, as he often forgets things. forgets the time, what day it is, what month it is... he lives in a perpetual fog that has transformed him into a living ghost.
    
    dead-eyed and monotone is how he Is often described. not exactly anti-social, just silent. as though talking would take too much out of him. he almost always answers with simple nods or shakes of the head, perhaps a quiet and hoarse yes or no. rarely, a sentence.
    
    he has little care nor interest in the day to day things of life. doesn't see the point. doesn't see a point in much of anything, so why try? not really a cynic, more of a realist. accepts things as they are. prefers blunt, factual things to hold onto. grounds him when he feels like he might be fading in plain sight.
    
    virtues: forthright, quick-thinking, observant, calm, accepting.
    
    vices: distant, absent-minded, paranoid, avoidant, morbid.
    
    likes: running, sewing/knitting, fall weather, warm and filling food, antiques, songbirds, taxidermy, staring at the wall.
    
    dislikes: deep water, large animals, bugs, aggression, overly extravagant things, talking.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[floralmoon]

"i don't want to die,
but i don't want to live like this."

celeste archembeau

• 001
• 02

• 
  
  
  

  warning!

  
  

  this character sheet contains descriptions and a history of borderline personality disorder, depression, and suicidal ideation, along with an attempt, proceed with caution.

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    celeste archambeau
    

    Age:

    21
    

    dob:

    october 31, 2001
    

    pronouns:

    she/her
    

    gender:

    female
    

    zodiac sign:

    scorpio
    

    pob:

    bayonne, france
    

    sexuality:

    bisexual
    

    ailments:

    borderline personality disorder, depression, suicidal ideation
    

    ethnicity:

    french american
    

    languages:

    french and english
    

    occupation:

    housecleaner at local hotel
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    in the end, even the stars choose destruction over life.

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    they say journaling is supposed to help, but i don't think this is going to do anything for me. even though i voluntarily admitted myself, i regret it so much, they take away all your freedom. how the fuck am i supposed to keep up with all my social media while in here? they took away all my makeup because it was either glass or had a mirror, because i'm a "danger to myself". as if i would destroy $63 foundation to kill myself.
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    i hate you, don't leave me.

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    
    

    hey.

    
    

    i miss you.

    
    

    you there?

    
    

    fuck you.

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5ft4in / 162.6cm
    
    

    physique:

    slender
    
    

    eyes:

    grey
    
    

    hair:

    black
    
    

    face claim:

    Megan Fox
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    no distinguishable markings
    
    

    body modifications:

    pierced ear lobes
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    bright colors, stereotypical "girly" fashion
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    only by ry x
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    Celeste Oceane Archambeau was born on October 31, 2001 to her parents Jacques Archambeau and Vivenne Dubois Edwards. She didn’t have the most glamorous childhood, her parents split pretty early on, and almost immediately remarried, leaving up a custody battle for young Celeste as both her parents wanted to start new lives. This led to the early feelings that she would never be enough for anyone since it seemed as though even her family didn’t want her.
    
    Her depression began around 15 years old, skipping school more frequently than attending in order to stay home and sleep away the days. It was one of her forms of escapism from her life of bouncing back and forth between homes of her parents. It wasn’t long after this that symptoms of paranoia began to arise. A reoccurring delusion was that her parents were trying to poison her so they could have a clean slate with their new families.
    
    As her decisions became riskier, sneaking out at various hours to do drugs / drink with men very out of her age range, her parents began to grow more and more worried about her mental state. Celeste seemed constantly angry and would have explosive episodes, but then almost immediately turn around and break down, apologizing and asking said person not to leave her. If anyone was going to leave, it would be her.
    
    This lead up to her first suicide attempt at 19 years old, she had been staying with a girlfriend and the two got in a fight over someone looking at Celeste’s current significant other, accusations of cheating or plans to leave were thrown around, and in the end, Celeste would lock herself in the bathroom to try and take her own life.
    
    Her parents were blissfully unaware of her situation at hand until one night, two years later, they were called to the hospital to find their daughter in a bed with a broken wrist. She had apparently fallen from a second story window, but would not give any more details. The story goes that she was hiding from a fling’s significant other when they unexpectedly came home. Her mother and step-father decided to bring Celeste back home with them to try and keep her safe.
    
    This is when they would learn the full force of her mental state, constantly draining bank accounts or borrowing money, new partners coming in and out every night, not leaving her room for days/weeks on end, and the emotions all dialed up to 100. Eventually, they convinced her to seek therapy, and after doing so, her therapist recommended her going in patient for a few days. Little did Celeste know that a few days would turn into an endless visit.
    
    As a way to get revenge on her parents, she refused to properly take treatment, tricking the staff along the way, trying every day to seem like she was doing better than she actually was. Hoping that maybe, just maybe, one day they would release her. Though to her dismay, this would not happen as they were keeping track of her activities and mood, determining that she is not fit for release.
    
    

    
    
    

    I think I might break, lost myself again, and I feel unsafe

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - estp-t

    
    

    
    

    
    extraverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    thinking
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    prospecting
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    i just want to feel something

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Aenean fermentum porta elementum. Nulla a blandit enim. Sed posuere ipsum in nisl molestie, eget cursus risus elementum. Donec laoreet ut elit non porttitor. Donec pretium non nisi eu ultrices. Fusce mattis augue purus, a lacinia justo sodales vitae. Vestibulum eget porta lectus. Nullam dapibus est vel turpis posuere pretium. Quisque sagittis magna ex, at pharetra ante pellentesque a. Cras neque neque, facilisis vitae viverra eu, aliquet ut metus. Nunc a tempus dui. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Integer suscipit dignissim odio, aliquet aliquam est rutrum non. Morbi at pharetra nunc, sed facilisis est.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[cavitea]

"They say I look like him; a shame."

OSTIN BAUER

• 001
• 02

• 
  
  
  

  warning!

  
  

  This character sheet includes descriptions of child neglect, unhealthy family dynamics, borderline personality disorder, dissociative disorders, and the abuse of opiates. Please take caution.

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Ostin Bauer
    

    Age:

    twenty-five
    

    dob:

    march 17th
    

    pronouns:

    he/him
    

    gender:

    cisgender male
    

    zodiac sign:

    pisces
    

    pob:

    aisle 34 of a plane
    

    sexuality:

    questioning // biromantic
    

    ailments:

    borderline personality disorder (BPD), depersonalization-derealization disorder, substance abuse
    

    ethnicity:

    austrian
    

    languages:

    english & german
    

    occupation:

    former model.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    “It's just lighting, texture, body movement, and your soul's expression.”

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 07.06.22

    
    There is something relaxing about no longer being the most fucked up alone in my circumstances. I look out at the others and see a glossy reflection like we're all meant to look into one another for something we don't have.
    
    I do miss the drugs, but they don't salt my bones here.
    
    I crave something more than I can be right now, a home that I cannot rest in. Sometimes I think of Lena, stupid of a choice that may be. I wonder if she even knows this is where I ended up. I wonder if she'd be surprised.
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    What's the point of progress if the divine still calls you ill?

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    Are you wanting to talk about your mother today?

    
    

    Have I ever been?

    
    

    We thought it would be therapeutic for you to explore your past while you're here.

    
    

    And I'm sure the dead don't like to be woken up.

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    187 cm
    
    

    physique:

    once the tapped marble of a bird in the spotlight, trimmed feathers now relaxed and gentle, a disposition towards exercise unseen beneath baggy clothes.
    
    

    eyes:

    a painter's mixture of spring trees and rainy skies, somber and quiet, brushed tears at inopportune moments.
    
    

    hair:

    blonde and short, slicked back with water or left in stringy straw against skin.
    
    

    face claim:

    gerhard friedl
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    strict jaw and stricter eyes. there's something judgmental about his silence, reserved about his emotions. a bottle washed to sea.
    
    

    body modifications:

    tattoos of small shapes, traved along spine and hip.
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    loose in the way one can claim 'not trying' but fashionable. occasionally a miss of navy sweaters and the clothes of a oceanside man.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    aquarius by lor
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    
    .・゜Starting, Ready ゜・
    
    He should have had the picturesque family the photos promised him. Wrought gates stood tall and whispered the wealth of humble middle class sobriety; frames gilded themselves around the nuclear family so highly sought after, so perfect. A softness of smiles smoothed away the wrinkles in corners, the stiffened bodies of fear and wishes on deaf stars. How could a child have known all the wrong that happened, that the shame everlasting wasn't meant to be his? There was a belief in slammed doors, grabbing of shoulders and yelling of words. Words were all they could be, venom topped bottles seeped into the sponge over invisible bruises, spoken through cracks under doors.
    
    If this wasn't the perfect family, he had no recollection of what could've been.
    
    They sat together for meals, held hands in the prayer of thanks and pinched skin, squeezed too hard. It's love, he would think, pinching at others with a smile, a superiority. They could take advantage of the pain, sew threads of misery into his fraying tapestry and receive back the honored 'thanks'. A quiet rebellion started after the first, then second. Hearts tossed into garbage, spat on with no regard. Something was different and buried, easy to hide under waves of secrets and hoards of lies; a mountain so high even he lost the peak. For too long he had been unaware of the trailing carnage he left behind him. Ruined lives and weeping souls, a pitiful excuse to the eyes of one only just opened to the pains reflecting back in the mirror.
    
    .・゜Awareness ゜・
    
    Within the later years of teenagehood Ostin lost his first true relationship; a friend he cherished and equally set fire to. The days became more blurry, blending together in the paints his sister revered before she too turned lost to the sea. He saw ships around him, a cluster of anger and rage that ran the water with blood and pushed away and away until only another country could be the escape. A college student in America he soon took to the fast-paced culture, spending recklessly until packages could arrive and no memory came of buying them. Blessed features gave the job he needed to continue without regard; classes constantly missed and relationships tossed to the wind.
    
    Only one ever meant anything and to her he was a plague.
    
    It took three years of skipping medications before Ostin caused the harm he couldn't undo. Like a bucket to the head it was a wake-up call he took in quickened strides, bowing his head in a diligence to 'be cured'. Spotlights faded to the corners of a mind hidden in, a shelter offered. One was gone and with it the screams for death and tears of accusation. Wilting in his own way he went on for two more years until the corners of his room filled themselves with substance and the need to forget. Checked with involtunary steps into a facility was a final warning from employers, a final chance to get better.
    
    He is here now, a ghoul staring quietly at the body stood solemnly in the room; an outsider to his own world. Diligently it takes its medicine and eats well but he stares from the opposite side and wonders, watches.
    
    

    
    
    

    All i ever did was drown.

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - infp-t

    
    

    
    

    
    introverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    feeling
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    prospecting
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    judging
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    Wouldn't it be easier to just close your eyes and pretend?

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    the sounding of a lighthouse, the bubbling of sea foam against weathered slate and crumbling hills. white pills tucked snugly into threadbare pockets, stashed weakly alongside a maxed credit card and the remnants of stress. echoing sounds in an abandoned train station, octaves pitched low and buzzing along crumbling pockets of murals and what once was.
    
    there is something softened in the hardness of Ostin, something that calls back to a world he once saw through the rosey eyes of a child. it is drenched in the shades of granite now, an alien to the skin that strolls comfortably along aisles and catwalks. something whispers, something waits. he is waiting to see if those abandoned will come back; they never do.
    
    why not?
    
    why him?
    
    tips of heels dig themselves into a fine dust, rooting down the specter wandering so whimsically down the hallways. it's more than a mask he puts on at funerals and family events, another skin he watches his soul slip into as he himself slips away. there was never really a chance at anything else, not with a mother father, family like that.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[Steve Jobs]

"take a long walk off a short pier."

AKIRA KASUGA

• 001
• 02

• 
  
  
  

  warning!

  
  

  This character sheet contains death threats, physical violence, ableism, suicide baiting, mentions of doxxing, and general ghoulishness. Maybe depression. Proceed with caution and remember that character views != RPer views. I swear LMAO

  
  
  

  
  

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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Akira Kasuga
    

    Age:

    28
    

    dob:

    October 30th
    

    pronouns:

    He/Him
    

    gender:

    Male
    

    zodiac sign:

    Scorpio
    

    pob:

    Lorem ipsum
    

    sexuality:

    Doesn't prefer labels
    

    ailments:

    ALLEGED Psychopathy, Depression, Suicidal Ideation
    

    ethnicity:

    Japanese
    

    languages:

    English, Japanese, Conversational Spanish
    

    occupation:

    Uber Driver
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    Being an asshole isn't a mental condition.

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    This is so stupid. I don't belong with these unhinged freaks.
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    Okay if I play along, maybe they'll let me out.

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    how are you feeling after your last visit?

    
    

    I'm just fine.

    
    

    no, you're not fine. that's why dr. fisher has asked for you to attend these sessions

    
    

    if you want to gaslight me then just say it.

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    188cm (6'2")
    
    

    physique:

    Willowy
    
    

    eyes:

    Dark brown
    
    

    hair:

    Black and curly
    
    

    face claim:

    Kenshi Yonezu
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    High cheek bones, a rare but wide smile, Judgmental eyes looking for the right moment to strike
    
    

    body modifications:

    Ear piercings
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    Variable. He'll take anything he can get from thrifting.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    heavy by peach prc
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    Akira Kasuga was born in Honolulu, Hawaii to Reiko and Ishida Kasuga. Described as a pleasant, unassuming child, Akira was often left to his own devices while more attention was given to his older brother and younger sister. It is suspected that he suffered from "middle child syndrome" and began acting out as a result. Though getting into fights and throwing tantrums at school was not uncommon, his bad behavior did not cease with age. Instead, it only increased following up to middle school.
    
    After his parents divorced at the age of fourteen, he began to show antisocial tendencies. Vandalism, arson, and theft were only some of the crimes he committed before being sent to a camp for troubled teenagers. Following his release, he appeared to be rehabilitated but it proved to be an act. Instead of physical violence, he turned to the Internet where he would bully students, content creators, and anyone vulnerable.
    
    After the courts subpoenaed his phone, they found messages from thousands of accounts flooding users with death threats, encouragement to commit suicide and calls to violence. Though only ban worthy on its own, he eventually gained access to a database of people he deemed "former enemies", some of which had become rather influential politicians. Due subsequent bomb threats and violence directed towards several of the "doxxed" individuals, he was charged guilty of inciting violence and domestic terrorism.
    
    Since his court hearing, Akira has been undergoing group therapy at Saint Margaret Private Hospital. His ASPD and psychopathy diagnosis has been the subject of debate among the therapists at the hospital; however, it is agreed that he requires further observation before being discharged.

    
    
    

    You can't be serious. It's already been six months!

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - ISTP-T

    
    

    
    

    
    extraverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    thinking
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    prospecting
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    If I had to choose between staying here and jumping out the window...

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Aenean fermentum porta elementum. Nulla a blandit enim. Sed posuere ipsum in nisl molestie, eget cursus risus elementum. Donec laoreet ut elit non porttitor. Donec pretium non nisi eu ultrices. Fusce mattis augue purus, a lacinia justo sodales vitae. Vestibulum eget porta lectus. Nullam dapibus est vel turpis posuere pretium. Quisque sagittis magna ex, at pharetra ante pellentesque a. Cras neque neque, facilisis vitae viverra eu, aliquet ut metus. Nunc a tempus dui. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Integer suscipit dignissim odio, aliquet aliquam est rutrum non. Morbi at pharetra nunc, sed facilisis est.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[Twin Fantasy]

nobody believes me
but i'm always right

THELMA AINSLEY

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• 02

• 
  
  
  

  warning!

  
  

  This sheet contains discussing child abuse, substance abuse, disordered eating (ARFID + anorexia), ableism, transphobia, and anything involving conspiracy theories or delusions.

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Thelma Ainsley
    

    Age:

    24
    

    dob:

    June 14th
    

    pronouns:

    they/them
    

    gender:

    Agender
    

    zodiac sign:

    Gemini
    

    pob:

    Nova Scotia, Canada
    

    sexuality:

    Demisexual
    

    ailments:

    Paranoid schizophrenia, OCD, generalized anxiety, ARFID, bipolar type I, autism, dermatillomania.
    

    ethnicity:

    Canadian
    

    languages:

    English and a bit of Quebecois.
    

    occupation:

    Unemployed.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    the existential threat that i always feel

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    i cant be in here any more they hear me through the walls they know im tearing out the pages of this diary theyre gonna find them soon
    
    theyre gona find me
    theyre gonna find out that i know what theyre doing
    
    someone come fucking help me if you find this im stuck inside this hospital my brother has trapped me in here for a YEAR get me out get me out get me out. there are secrets kept in my house that the goverment doesnt want you to know theyre after me theyre after me. please.
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    icicles don't soften when they die

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    hey thelm. you doin okay?

    
    

    don't talk to me.

    
    

    thelma please.

    
    

    don't "please" me. fuck you. fuck everything you stand for.

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5'2
    
    

    physique:

    Small. Bony elbows and ankles, and a flat chest. Every inch of them looks unremarkable, their legs are chickenlike and their chin is angular.
    
    

    eyes:

    Double-lidded, round, and a light blue. Their eyelashes are pale.
    
    

    hair:

    Short and choppy, though a little longer than they'd prefer it to be. A sort of dirty blonde with ginger-brown sections.
    
    

    face claim:

    Chloe Sevigny.
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    other than being extremely small both in height and weight, telly has an adorably prominent nose that gets a lot of comments -- both positive and negative. they also have a beauty mark under their right eye. they have scars on their arms, and if you ask about them, they'll just look at you like you're stupid.
    
    

    body modifications:

    Pierced ears, left nostril and uvula. A stick-and-poke tattoo of a butterfly that says "born to die".
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    they dress in sort of a 90's grunge style, mostly because it requires very little effort. the only time they dress in a feminine style is for "the irony". flannels, old basketball shirts, band tees, ripped jeans, sweatpants.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    I Wanna Be Sedated - The Ramones
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    born in nova scotia to a canadian father and an american mother, thelma lived on those strange islands until the age of two. their parents weren't actually married, and with their father being a neglectful drunk, their mother brought them back to the states. telly says that they don't remember their father, but that he was probably "on the right track".
    
    thelma's mother, tabitha, had always wanted to be a ballet dancer. thelma didn't have the right build for ballet, but they did have just the right face for pageantry. their mother fell in love with the world of youth glamour, and thelma was hand-reared into the ideal glitz pageant girl. tabitha spent exorbitant amounts of money on custom outfits, trainers, make-up and hair, spray tanning, false teeth, dieticians and anything else that might be necessary for thelma to succeed. they of course had no strong love for the art of glitz pageants -- they were barely even old enough to attend kindergarten, after all. they just wanted to do things that other normal children do. though it was obvious that thelma wasn't a normal child, showing signs of autism from a very early age. tabitha invested even more money in a variety of "treatments" that ranged from ineffectual to downright abusive, training thelma not to present as autistic in any meaningful way, lest she lose any pageant cred.
    
    as thelma aged, things only got worse. they began showing signs of early onset anorexia as a result of harsh criticism from their mother. their rapid weight loss went unchecked for months as they resorted to eating things like tissues to avoid feeling hungry or gaining weight. eventually, at the age of 11, their mother took them down south from ohio to a pageant in kansas -- a ridiculously long drive for what would be thelma ainsley's final beauty pageant.
    
    it was a large combination of things that made them fall on that stage. maybe it was a lack of food. maybe it was the oppressive heat from those stage lights, and the false tan clinging to the back of their neck. maybe it was all the noise that finally sent thelma into sensory overload. these days, thelma describes it as "waking up from the matrix", the defining moment of their life where they lost consciousness in front of at least fifty screaming mothers who probably wanted to bury them alive. when they were rushed to the hospital, they showed signs of severe malnutrition, as well as minor burns on their hands. (this turned out to be from them sticking their hands over the stove so they wouldn't think about eating.) though they were hardly a celebrity, their story got a fair amount of coverage in that area of kansas -- a warning about the dangers of youth pageantry.
    
    disgraced by her own child, tabitha became distant. suddenly, all of the attention thelma used to get was gone. they were free.
    
    at first, they were miserable. but as time went on, thelma found their true family in the form of internet weirdos. they discovered their true gender identity at 13, and became involved in conspiracy boards less than a year later. whatever was happening, it was obvious to them -- this life was all a test, and they had broken the rules. their mother was some all-encompassing figure who had tried to make thelma "perfect", and they had broken through. with their mother largely ignoring them, they began abusing prescription drugs without her knowledge -- first by stealing them from their younger brother, who had ADHD, but then by buying it secondhand. it helped them stay alert. aware.
    
    they continued their ravaging of their own body, eventually dropping out of high school at sixteen and becoming a total recluse. with their mother no longer willing to look after them, their brother became the only person who'd help out. since he was twelve years old, it went about as well as one could expect. thelma only became more reclusive. within their room, they slowly ceased to even contact their online friends. on their 18th birthday, they disappeared altogether, believing that they'd reached the "proper age" for their mother to ship them off to a sex cult.
    
    within a few months, they were squatting in an abandoned house, running a complex system of shortwave receivers through the floor, they would make their money by donating plasma every month and eating very little. this continued for several years. they spent most of their money on adderall and just a little on food.
    
    they were finally found when they were 22, when a cop kicked the door down after they got discovered poaching power from a neighboring house -- something they'd gotten away with for years. they were initially arrested, but someone bailed them out. zachary ainsley, their little brother, now 19. to this day, thelma has no idea how anyone found out they were related. ever since they left, their mother hadn't gotten much better, or even attempted to.
    
    zach said they had to get help. they were no longer allowed in the abandoned building they called home, and their mother refused to see them. they flew into a rage and nearly bit his face, which only cemented his decision.
    
    they didn't have much of a choice.
    
    

    
    
    

    beauty school drop-out, no graduation

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - entp-t

    
    

    
    

    
    introverted
    

    
    observant
    

    
    thinking
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    judging
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    ground control to major tom

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    telly is not okay, in a way that almost seems obvious just by looking at them. their mind seemingly deteriorated before the age of thirteen, and they haven't made much effort to put it back together. they're most often described as 'neurotic', which is really an understatement. not only are they an overt conspiracy theorist, but they're also just a generally paranoid person.
    
    they no longer trust anybody, believing that anyone who tries to get close to them is some kind of government shill or robot or alien. never ask them what they actually think the government robo-aliens are trying to achieve, it'll just make them angry. and when they get angry they start scratching themself and biting themself and it's really a problem. there's almost no getting through to them, it seems, and they may very well be doomed to the same fate as all of the screaming old people. unfortunate, because they are very smart and creative -- they're a painter and a tech wiz, as well as a musician who makes stuff that's at least... interesting?
    
    Virtues: sincere, creative, generous, quick thinking, quirky, interesting
    Vices: paranoid, self-flagellating, mistrustful, prescription drug abuser, aggressive, dramatic
    
    Likes: painting, hard candy, snakes, CB radio, adderall, red meat
    Dislikes: their mother, the government, most real-life things, birds, the sound of waterfalls
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[TheVoidQueen]

i am someone who did not die when i should have died.

PENELOPE WRIGHT

• 001
• 02

• 
  
  
  

  warning!

  
  

  Contains mentions of opiate abuse, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, failed suicide attempts, family death, juvenile incarceration, sex work, and disordered eating predominantly in the history section.
  
  Read at your own discretion.

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Penelope Wright
    

    Age:

    twenty two (22)
    

    dob:

    may 30th
    

    gender:

    cis female
    

    pronouns:

    she/her
    

    zodiac sign:

    gemini
    

    pob:

    cleveland, ohio
    

    sexuality:

    bisexual
    

    ailments:

    history of suicidal ideation and tendencies ; opiate addiction (24 days clean) ; depression
    

    ethnicity:

    Black american
    

    languages:

    english
    

    occupation:

    cam girl
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    i'd bite myself and take out my feelings with my teeth.

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    I shouldn't be here.
    
    I get that every psycho that comes in here probably says that, but I mean it. I am not supposed to be here.
    
    I've had some... problems or whatever in the past, but I'm way over them now. I literally went to fucking rehab. I've been clean for, like, ever, and I. Shouldn't. Be. Here.
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    i'm haunted by feelings of things i can't remember...

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    how are you feeling after your last visit?

    
    

    I'm completely fine. I don't understand why I have to do these visits

    
    

    no, you're not fine. that's why dr. fisher has asked for you to attend these sessions

    
    

    I still think I should have a say in it.

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5'5" (165 cm)
    
    

    physique:

    slim with curves
    
    

    eyes:

    dark brown
    
    

    hair:

    in her everyday life, she wore a wig on a regular basis. naturally, her hair is tightly curled, dark brown, and kept just above shoulder length.
    
    

    face claim:

    doja cat
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    a light spattering of freckles along her chest and lower neck
    
    

    body modifications:

    belly button piercing ; standard lobe piercings
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    big lover of mesh and sheer fabrics ; draws a lot of inspo from early 2000s fashion trends and kawaii fashion ; tight clothing ; crop tops
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    addiction by doja cat
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    childhood (birth - 12)
    ᴥ born to patricia (28) and thomas (32) wright in cleveland, ohio on may 30th
    ᴥ lower middle class family; only child
    ᴥ patricia: medical technician; thomas: bartender but often unemployed
    ᴥ total daddy's girl
    ᴥ relationship with mom was decent; she worked long hours so they were more distant
    ᴥ gifted child; social butterfly
    ᴥ shit was pretty chill until she was 10 and her mother died in a car accident
    ᴥ relationship with dad was weakened b/c he withdrew
    
    adolescence (13 - 17)
    ᴥ dad started drinking heavily; unemployment bouts became much more frequent and prolonged
    ᴥ penelope took up petty theft and odd jobs around the neighborhood to help make ends meet
    ᴥ started restricting her food consumption in order to save money
    ᴥ charged with a first degree misdemeanor for stealing from a Target (groceries, clothing, and sanitary products) at 13 and was entered into a diversion program
    ᴥ repeat offenses eventually led to three months in juvenile detention center when she was 15
    ᴥ people she met in juvie connected her with drug dealers
    ᴥ she was placed into foster care when she was released
    ᴥ bounced around a lot
    ᴥ father committed suicide five months (november 12) after her release
    ᴥ she began using opiates shortly after
    ᴥ would offer herself when she didn't have money to get her fix
    ᴥ dropped out of high school december of her junior year
    ᴥ continued working odd jobs and began working street corners at 17
    
    adulthood (18 - present)
    ᴥ started cam girl-ing on her 18th birthday
    ᴥ suicide attempt a week later
    ᴥ was hospitalized for five days and befriended a nurse named susan
    ᴥ discharged and given a followup plan
    ᴥ prescribed citalopram
    ᴥ got clean and went to therapy for like a month b/c she promised susan
    ᴥ started using again on dad's death's anniversary; stopped taking meds
    ᴥ other than her drug use tho she was mostly chillin for a year, money from camming and OF was steady n she sorta had a social life via susan
    ᴥ spiraled after a stalker situation with a regular viewer (resolved when he was arrested for unrelated incident)
    ᴥ overdosed on fentanyl "unintentionally"
    ᴥ susan administered two doses of naloxone
    ᴥ penelope made her promise not to tell anyone and susan agreed so long as penny got clean
    ᴥ penelope was a Liar and managed to convince susan she wasn't using for three months
    ᴥ the two had a major falling out when susan inevitably found out
    ᴥ continued using until a viewer commented on her track marks
    ᴥ checked herself into rehab a little under two months prior to coming to St. Margaret's
    ᴥ was in rehab for a month and immediately relapsed
    ᴥ dealer cut her off after a week so she decided fuck it and is trying the whole sobriety thing again
    ᴥ got into a pretty bad car accident with a tree
    ᴥ was hospitalized for two weeks; susan heard about it and requested a psych evaluation because she thought it was a suicide attempt
    ᴥ penelope was subsequently admitted to St. Margaret's on October 22nd in the early morning
    ᴥ 21 days sober upon admission
    

    
    
    

    but what would i be without the ghosts?

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - esfp-t

    
    

    
    

    
    extraverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    thinking
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    prospecting
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    the opposite of a haunting is something very lonely.

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    Penelope could be described as a valley girl stuck in the life of someone raised in glorious Ohio. She's ditzy by choice, and prefers to focus on the material aspects of life.
    
    Her intellectual pursuits have been long abandoned in favor of numbing herself. Sex, drugs, attention. Anything to take her away from reality.
    
    When all the world has to offer you is death, you probably wouldn't want to pay attention either.
    
    virtues:
    hardworking
    sociable
    dynamic
    empathetic
    good listener
    
    vices:
    absent minded
    people-pleaser
    avoidant
    amoral
    egocentric
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[neverbackdown]

"the world fucked me enough that it got to see the goods"

BETH HOWARD

• 001
• 02

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  warning!

  
  

  This character sheet contains mentions of child abuse both sexual and physical, harassment, sexual abuse, substance abuse, self-harm, attempted suicide. Readers discretion is advised for the History

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Beth Howard
    

    Age:

    22
    

    dob:

    23rd May
    

    pronouns:

    She/her
    

    gender:

    Female
    

    zodiac sign:

    Gemini
    

    pob:

    Seattle
    

    sexuality:

    Pansexual
    

    ailments:

    PTSD, Depression, anxiety, DPDR, self-harm
    

    ethnicity:

    American
    

    languages:

    English
    

    occupation:

    Professional Skater
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    Whats the point in it all? Why do bad things happen? If I have learnt anything in the last year is that (1) god doesn't exist, (2) the world is fucked and that there's more evil than good and (3) that if your a man you can nearly get away with anything including spicy home videos or sexual assault especially if you have a "good future ahead of you" so in this case FUCK THE JUSTICE SYSTEM , FUCK THE WORLD AND FUCK YOU READING THIS
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    Its a dress not a yes

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    how are you feeling after your last visit?

    
    

    I'm great yeah, feeling a lot better now doc.

    
    

    no, you're not fine. that's why dr. fisher has asked for you to attend these sessions

    
    

    Then why did you bother asking if you already know?

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5'2
    
    

    physique:

    She has dark brown eyes, full lips, rosy cheeks, lightly tanned skin and long, dark brown hair worn naturally straight. She stands at 5'2" and her frame is athletic slim
    
    

    eyes:

    dark brown
    
    

    hair:

    dark brown
    
    

    face claim:

    Maggie Lindemann
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    A small package Beth is tiny in all ways, her eyes she believe to be the most prominent of her features "as dark as her soul".
    
    

    body modifications:

    Same tattoos and piercings as her faceclaim.
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    Normally quite tomboyish, she needs to be able to skate in it.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    Numb by Linkin Park
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    Beth was born to Peter and Olivia Howard. She had a normal enough childhood until her mother was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia when Beth was 6 years old. Her mother became paranoid and began to suffer hallucinations which led her to believe that Beth was trying to kill her, she actually physically attacked Beth twice during a breakdown, almost killing beth once by strangulation. Thankfully Peter arrived home just in time to save his daughter. Beth was present when her mother died in hospital - which has scarred her - leading to her fear of losing people and her tendency to be suspicious of new people.
    
    Her father turned to drink when her mother died and the relationship between them became very frayed. He stopped drinking when Beth was about 17 and the two began to work on their relationship again. It seemed that things were beginning to look up for Beth but oh how life tends to trick you.
    
    At 17 years old it was discovered that her friend had been abused by his uncle for many years and had forced him to make home movies. Beth tried to console her friend and get him to open up and talk about his experience with someone. It was during this time that the spicy videos somehow got released onto the web and after being sent some very unnerving sexual messages from anonymous people Beth discovered that she had been present in the movies. While she could clearly tell it was her in the videos and screenshots, she held no memory of the dreadful night. Unable to remember but knowing it happened, led beth into a dark abyss as she began to spiral using heavier drugs and drinking more regularly. It was more common for her water bottle to be filled with vodka more so than water. Beth did her best to hide her spiral, putting on a mask as she tried to portray that she was unbothered by the whole ordeal but it wasn't long before the cracks started to show. Her father fought hard and eventually got the videos of her taken down.
    
    As soon as Beth could, she moved away from Seattle hoping to leave behind the memories and nightmares but unfortunately moving away only made them worse. As she began to get more into the professional skating game and her name started to become known through competitions and sponsorship deals so too did the creeps and weirdos start coming out of the woodwork. She began to receive harassing messages and found that the videos were beginning to recirculate again with even more traction know that was a "somebody".
    
    One night when Beth was skating home from the local skatepark she felt like someone was following her. Feeling on edge but putting it down to recent events she picked up her pace to her ground floor apartment but didn't call for help once home. She was just being paranoid or so she told herself.. Beth woke up that night to a strange man standing over her in her bedroom having broken in through the old sitting room window that didn't lock very well. It was after this attack, while she lay in her bed crying and bleeding that the memories of the videos came back to her. The weight of those memories led to her breakdown but what really took the cake was when her attacker got off with a "slap of the wrist" for what he had done to her. Beth began to self-harm after this but kept it close, keeping her fragile mental health a secret, afraid to ask for help. She was later admitted to hospital by her manager after she attempted to kill herself in a hotel room during a competition.
    
    

    
    
    

    Will the pain stop if i go?

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - entp-t

    
    

    
    

    
    extraverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    thinking
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    prospecting
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    Having a threesome tonight, me, the bathtub and the toaster

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    Beth can most accurately be described as an anxious, hyperactive and curious soul. She is outspoken, immensely intelligent and enjoys solving puzzles or mysteries. She, however, is prone to distraction due to her ADHD and tends to lose her track of thought as quickly as it comes.
    
    Beth is extremely headstrong, courageous and unfalteringly loyal. She is protective over those she cares about and would do anything for them. She is the type of person that always puts her loved ones before herself. Beth can be quite suspicious of new people with her anxiety almost turning to paranoia and it can take a bit of time for her to warm up to you but once you gain her trust, she would do anything for you. Trust and loyalty are very important to you and if you break them you will never get it back.
    
    Beth is extremely honest, often times saying it exactly how it is. It is almost as though the words fall out before her brain has time to comprehend her thoughts. Beth has a strong penchant for sarcastic quips, using it almost like a shield to hide behind.
    
    The word "scatterbrained" has been used to describe her but she means well in her actions. She can be quite goofy and appears to not take herself too seriously.
    
    She has a quite cynical outlook on life which feeds into her dark humor.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[qunqun]

You want to play in the fountain with our clothes on in a busy public square?
Fuck it, you only live once

Matt Wright

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  warning!

  
  

  references to depression, smoking, suicidal ideation, abandonment issues, abusive/neglectful childhood, suicidal ideation, military trauma.

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Matteo "Matt" Allen Wright
    

    Age:

    23
    

    dob:

    February 28
    

    pronouns:

    He/Him
    

    gender:

    Cis Male
    

    zodiac sign:

    Pisces
    

    pob:

    New York City
    

    sexuality:

    Queer
    

    ailments:

    N/A
    

    ethnicity:

    White American
    

    languages:

    Too Many
    

    occupation:

    Student
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    you wanna go where the girls are young and dumb.

    
    
    

    thearpist notes entry: 25.10.22

    
    Patient was admitted with a referral for specialized treatment. Childhood neglect and abuse lead to severe depression and an inability to form meaningful connections in the adult life. Diagnosis is Persistent Depressive Disorder, symptoms including insomnia, lethargy, persistent feelings of emptiness which lead to risk-taking behavior and a nicotine addiction, and continued expression of absolute nihilism.
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    Destruction leads to a very rough road but it also breeds creation.

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    how are you feeling after your last visit?

    
    

    Normal. I don't know why we're bothering.

    
    

    If they didn't care about you, they wouldn't have put you here.

    
    

    Yeah, whatever.

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    6'0
    
    

    physique:

    Not quite on the thin side, not quite on the large side, Matt is perhaps in slightly better shape than your average English major, and has been labelled thusly as "sturdy", though at his core he's a literature nerd.
    
    

    eyes:

    Tired dark brown, when he smiles it doesn't quite reach his eyes, and he has dark circles beneath them from long nights of insomnia.
    
    

    hair:

    Curly dark hair that he keeps in a massive mess with no particular direction. Somehow, though, it looks good enough to pass muster, artfully created to appear like he just got out of bed... He usually did just get out of bed.
    
    

    face claim:

    Louis Garrel
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    Dark hair, dark eyes, and the pale skin of someone who is most definitely a fucking nerd that doesn't go outside much. Handsome, and has a kind of magnetic pull to him due to the brooding expression and seeming poignant philosophical nature. A wolf-like smile that only surfaces when he's about to do something that he thinks is funny.
    
    

    body modifications:

    N/A but he has a strange amount of scars.
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    Old as fuck, and destined to be a professor of some kind, he wore formal clothing most days, and usually a very monochrome color pallette of black. And black. And maybe some white if he was feeling extra spicy that day.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    indigo nights by tamino
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    When Matt was younger, he was actually a very sensitive, compassionate person with the soul of a poet. So how did... this happen. Matt grew up in a family that travelled a lot. He's not actually allowed to say what his parents did for a living, but just trust in the fact that he was constantly travelling as a kid. He went to a lot of different countries, and found that he had a knack for picking up the local languages, which made him useful enough to stay with his parents. However, his parents were busy doing their job, and so he more or less was raised by a revolving door of "family friends" that he called aunts and uncles, who would stay at the house they were hiding out in who would teach him math and reading and science. It was these people that raised him moreso than his parents, and quickly his parents were relegated to more a role of "traveling partners" rather than actual parental authority.
    
    While everyone tried their best to raise this kid that was being brought along in extremely dangerous - lethal even - situations, Matt was heavily emotionally neglected as a kid, and he moved so much that he found it difficult to continually make friends, only to abandon them soon after, never to speak to them again. After a while, he found that it didn't matter what others thought of him, and he began acting out and doing what he wanted with very little regard for others. When you moved in a couple weeks anyways, and you'd never see these people ever again, it makes it hard to exactly find a point in trying to make deep personal bonds. Especially when your life was frought with danger that could quite literally end your life as well.
    
    Eventually, though, people started to take notice that this wasn't just moroseness stemming from teenage angst, this was a genuine extreme depression and an all-consuming loneliness that continued downward spiral of making him more depressed and lonely as time went on. He was deemed unfit for the lifestyle he grew up in, and carefully placed into university in their language department.
    
    He currently holds a degree in English, though he's being considered as being hired as a translator for the US government due to his extensive knowledge on foreign customs and languages. But to do that, he needed a psych evaluation...
    
    ... and now he's in Saint Margaret.
    
    Matt doesn't actually want to kill himself, that would require caring. He more thinks that watching everyone suffer and die would be entertaining enough for him, so he agreed to the pact in order to watch this shitshow unfold. Hey, he needs some kind of entertainment while he's stuck here, after all.
    
    

    
    
    

    Still I feel as if I'm a walking machine, watching it all through a screen

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - intp-t

    
    

    
    

    
    introverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    thinking
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    prospecting
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    Come out and haunt me, I know you want me

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    Please do not romance the Matt.
    
    Matt is, by all accounts, a YA protagonist's wet dream. Dark, brooding, handsome, intellectual, a smoker, and with a reputation for leaving broken hearts scattered in his wake. He tells people to not get attached to him, because he sure as fuck isn't going to be attached to them. But they never listen, so he breaks them brutally and without remorse, leaving behind shattered remains of self-esteem. But you can never say he never warned them.
    
    He is spontaneous and has a lack of care for societal standards. It's liberating, this kind of lackadaisical view towards rules and expectations. It should never be stated that he isn't fun to be around, simply because he's so spontaneous that he has a habit of doing whatever he feels like at the moment. If that's running through fountains or sneaking kisses in dark alleyways or spontaneous dates to shopping, then it's great.
    
    However, Matt is really only chasing fleeting pieces of passion and joy. Once he grows bored, he moves onto the next thing. Apathy rules his entire life, and he finds it difficult to truly emotionally connect with people because he finds himself truly unable to care about anyone around him. This is not out of psychopathy, but due to an immense depression which has taken over his entire life. It's hard to care about others when you can barely take care of yourself, and your entire emotional spectrum has been narrowed down to numbness and small fleeting moments of adrenaline or pleasure.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[Ticl]

You’d worry less about what I thought if you knew how little I did

Forbes Atwood

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  warning!

  
  

  This character sheet mentions drinking, drug use, overdose, addiction and schizophrenia

  
  
  

  
  

  i'm aware

  
  

  
  
  
  
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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Forbes Atwood
    

    Age:

    20
    

    dob:

    1st June
    

    pronouns:

    He/Him
    

    gender:

    Male
    

    zodiac sign:

    Gemini
    

    pob:

    Cleveland
    

    sexuality:

    Pansexual
    

    ailments:

    Active Schizophrenia (Medicated), past substance abuse (diamorphine)
    

    ethnicity:

    American
    

    languages:

    English
    

    occupation:

    Unemployed
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    Nothing' isn't better or worse than anything. Nothing is just... nothing.

    
    
    

    Patient diary entry

    
    
    It’s been a good day. Kinda like walking around a crowded party.
    
    I can hear people talking, but it’s so much stuff that it's just noise.
    
    I saw someone watching me from the kitchen. No matter where I am there's always someone around.
    
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    Go on, glare your eyes at me

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    hello?? We havnt talked in days

    
    

    lost my phone

    
    

    try to stay in touch

    
    

    ok

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5’11”
    
    

    physique:

    Slouchy teenage type, lean and tan.
    
    
    

    eyes:

    Hazy and grey
    
    

    hair:

    Stringy, flaxen coloured, hasn’t been cut in a couple months and hangs limply against the nape of his neck.
    
    

    face claim:

    Charlie Plummer
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    He usually carries a flat expression, slumped shoulders and crossed arms. He’s also got a gaunt boney face that’s just youthful enough to get him turned away at the bar.
    
    

    body modifications:

    A handful of stick and poke tattoos, the worst being on his left forearm of an F with a line underneath it… so it looks like an E. And both elbows and knees are scarred from the constant, blazed skateboard accidents.
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    worn down clothes, maybe a couple sizes too big, thrifted, comfortable, layers, fingerless gloves, beanies and ripped jeans.
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
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    Loser by Beck
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    trigger warning!

    
    
    It started with a mistake.
    Alright, let’s go back a bit – technically it really began years ago. But the point remains, If you ask about Forbes Atwood today, one of the first things you’ll hear is “Bad kid.” A mistake.
    It seems to be a popular view, and maybe that shouldn’t be a surprise; he is often compared to his siblings. The thoughtful, reliable type. But when people see Forbes they don’t see calm, instead, they see his push-pull lifestyle which forms much of his basic characteristics.
    But, why isn’t Forbes actually just a bad kid?
    
    Forbes learned to be a freethinking individual early in life, especially being born the last of his siblings and while he’s not blameless in his actions and current lifestyle both of his parents somewhat kicked off his descent. His father wasn’t exactly forgiving and kind, but thankfully, being the youngest, Forbes was able to miss a lot of his rage and fly well under the radar.
    His Mother, on the other hand, obviously had her favorites even if she didn’t say so. And how could she not? Forbes was the worst of her children. A terrible child who grew into a defiant adult, something he still carries like it’s been burned into his make.
    
    
    His relationship with his older brother’s was better, all three of them. But only because he was treated like a kid that didn’t fully understand the gravity of his situation. That situation being… his mental health as he was diagnosed with VEOS in his youth. It was an easy hurdle for him though as the medication pretty much stopped the effects almost completely and he was able to go through his preteens almost like normal.
    
    As he grew older, however, Forbes became more rebellious and as a consequence he faced a poor self-image and struggled with his identity, eventually becoming involved in some undesirable pastimes. Not only that, but his self destructive behaviors made him a kid of the streets, schooling thrown aside in favor of risk.
    
    In these formative years he found himself ignoring the controlled mental ailment he had and running into one destructive environment to the next, having the occasional group of misfits to humpy around with. He stopped the medication almost completely in his later years and let himself endure a daily maladaptive environment with the ever growing addiction he’d formed and in turn letting himself evolve into a maladaptive person.
    
    His parents at this point in his life had him sent away numerous times as they still had a duty of care while he was underaged. The treatment usually worked somewhat but Forbes would always revert back to his existence of self deprived self-perception, self-efficacy, and self-regulation allowing himself to become dysfunctional again. Every year it’d get worse, the addiction to other substances was always put before the regulation of his condition until he was almost fully immersed in active illness. Irritable, dysfunctional, delusional… he could hardly live the life of a regular human being anymore.
    After turning 18 his parents gave up completely, which Forbes appreciated at the time because he could do what he wanted while ignoring pending consequences, but it didn’t last long. After living with his Brother, Wesley, for a couple of months in an attempt to pull himself together he overdosed.
    
    Now, Forbes didn’t actually want to kill himself, he didn’t want to die, he didn’t purposely do it so he had no idea why he was being admitted again. To him he just had an addiction problem and the other delusional outbursts he was dealing with would go away when he decided to take his medication again. But they didn’t, they never got better, it grew treatment resistant and Forbes only had himself to blame.
    
    Since the beginning, Forbes’ journey has almost appeared ill-fated. Making reckless choices and ignoring impending consequences. Nowadays he’s ultimately paying the price for his lifestyle and by the time he was ready to pull it together, it was pretty much too late.
    
    As for today, Forbes is still continuously misguided and gravitates toward undesirable behavior. He’s been haunted his entire life, but to a large extent remains consciously unaware of what exactly has been haunting him. He's still very much wandering the world at his own pace but Forbes would only say he’s been stymied by forces much larger than he is – including his own mind.
    
    
    

    
    
    

    Reality continues to ruin my life.

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - ISFP-Tt

    
    

    
    

    
    introverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    thinking
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    prospecting
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad t.v

    
    
    

    
    

    Personality

    
    

    
    
    To the naked eye Forbes is a self destructive, careless, disoriented youth trying to find his place in the world but more often than not running from points in his life that aren’t fun or content. Landing in one destructive environment after another. He is, by default, chaotic because he often feels the need to express himself. He lacks a vocal filter, and is known for being frank and somewhat callous. This mixed with his sarcastic tendencies make for a hot temper that often highlights the more negative aspects of his personality, such as being flat out snappish.
    
    His converted lifestyle is based in indecision and easy rides and it’s an undeniable fact that he doesn’t have the tools to create a stable existence. He's, by default, genuine because he doesn’t need to pretend he’s anyone else. He’s fun loving and rebellious to his core which also means he’s often the catalyst for his own mishaps. His friends include people he can understand (if even a little bit) as he can’t connect with people that share none of his core values. He can be judgemental and even standoffish, but a real friend is a friend for life.
    
    Try as he might, all of Forbes’ decisions seem to bring him more misery than happiness. A terrible mix with the fact that he has absolutely no sense of caution and will fight tooth and nail for freedom despite having no sense of what freedom actually is. He’s wild but not the healthiest kind, if you know a wayward person like Him then you know these types can be terrible in their quest for a sixth sense and will sacrifice everything for what they think they should strive for.
    
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[RosaBlanca]

Break my bones and tell me I'm perfect

ANNETTE LAVOIE

• 001
• 02

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  warning!

  
  

  This character sheet contains mentions of emotional abuse, self-destructive behaviors, major injuries, derealization, and nervous breakdowns. Proceed with care

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Annette Lavoie
    

    Age:

    22
    

    dob:

    March 18, 2000
    

    pronouns:

    She/her
    

    gender:

    Female
    

    zodiac sign:

    Pisces
    

    pob:

    Montreal, Quebec
    

    sexuality:

    Straight
    

    ailments:

    Depersonalization-derealization, self-destruction, psychosis.
    

    ethnicity:

    Québécois
    

    languages:

    French, English
    

    occupation:

    Ballet Dancer
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    Those who believe in being good enough have never needed to be great.

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    Life as I know it is over. My worst nightmares have become my reality, and my reality isn't there anymore. I received some medication this morning. I was told it would help. I can't pronounce the name of it. The nurses are extremely rude too. They treated me like I was a mannequin and one woman practically threw me over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Whoever is in charge of this facility is a major disappointment.
    Besides the travesty that calls itself the medical profession, everyone else is decently pleasant. Some are really loud. One girl keeps screaming and I hear her through the walls. But I have painting therapy later. I've heard many things about mental hospitals, and despite plenty of Nurse Ratcheds, I think perhaps I could make some friends. It's not as bad as I would have thought. I hope I can be let out soon. I'm missing practice.
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    Beauty is more than pain, it is agony.

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    I don't believe your excuse about just being tired. Why are you acting so weird?

    
    

    I'm fine, and I really am just tired. Please don't worry.

    
    

    Your eye bags are purple, but so are your hands. I'm worried for you, Annette.

    
    

    I appreciate it, but I don't need any help.

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5'7
    
    

    physique:

    Thin and delicate
    
    

    eyes:

    Light blue
    
    

    hair:

    Strawberry blonde
    
    

    face claim:

    Daria Milky
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    Strong muscles hidden under a thin frame, strong ankles for dancing. Her hair is often kept in two loose braids.
    
    

    body modifications:

    None
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    Very formal. Button up shirts and skirts or slacks on most occasions. Wears predominantly white.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    Something New by Helena Deland
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    
    (Will be added to periodically)
    

    • Born and raised in Montreal, Canada
    • Her parents vicariously lived through her. She was enrolled in piano lessons, ballet, debate teams, and tutoring
    • She would be raised to become nothing short of perfection. Anything less than an A+, a glowing recommendation, or a starring role would make her a failure. And her parents would adjust her life accordingly. Whether it be locking her in her room, screaming at her until she cried, she would be quickly taught that any sort of mistake was not an option.
    • She went to ballet school, moving away from her family but taking their lessons to heart.
    • She fell in love with a man named Jean Gauthier during her studies. She couldn't live without him, so she lived with him. They moved in together after only 3 months of dating.
    • Jean craved perfection as much as she did, but to a higher degree. His woman had to please him, feed him, make him feel happy and whole. Annette struggled to keep up with Jean's demands, and just like her parents, he grew abusive. Physically.
    • She covered her bruises and kept dancing. And dancing and dancing. But this was never enough. It couldn't be, there was always someone more energetic than her, more talented.
    • She couldn't sleep, some days she could barely stand, and to cope with this stress she felt as if she was fading away from the world. When her pain was unbearable, she could simply stop being a part of this reality. Body and world disconnected.
    • Only a week before her breakout performance in The Rites of Spring, she badly sprained an ankle. She was in agonizing pain. But she could not give up, not this close.
    • It was the night of the performance that her world fell apart. She was not real. The stage was not real. The lights blinded her, and the music drugged her. It was too much to bear. In what was to be her solo moment, instead she collapsed to the ground, screaming. She screamed at the other dancers, cried at the audience, accusing the dancers of plotting to sacrifice her. Jean was a catalyst and was in on these plans to supposedly kill her on stage. She was having a nervous breakdown.
    • The performance was stopped abruptly, and Annette was taken to the hospital. After receiving treatment for her bruising and sprain, she was transferred to a certain private facility in Ohio, to heal her damaged mind.

    
    

    
    
    

    I was born to die in the most lovely way

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - enfj-t

    
    

    
    

    
    extraverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    thinking
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    judging
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    You coax me with your shouts and caress me with your fists.

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    
    

    • Perfectionistic- Failure is no option
    • Unrelenting- Stop at nothing to achieve true beauty
    • Graceful- A dancer must be elegant and swift, in both body and actions
    • Nervous- The pain never stops and neither does the stress
    • High-class- She speaks formally, and dresses even more so
    • Lover of birds, sugar pie, pretends to love Shakespeare, espresso, wishes she knew how to draw, and piano music

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[RosaBlanca]

I've gone through hell and back just to keep going through hell.

VASILIY PETROV

• 001
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  warning!

  
  

  This character sheet contains mentions of physical abuse, brief mentions of SA, suicidal actions, alcoholism, smoking, PTSD, abandonment, and violent tendencies. Proceed with care

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Vasiliy Petrov
    

    Age:

    20
    

    dob:

    November 9 2002
    

    pronouns:

    He/him
    

    gender:

    Male
    

    zodiac sign:

    Scorpio
    

    pob:

    Kyzyl, Tuva, Russia
    

    sexuality:

    Bisexual
    

    ailments:

    PTSD, Borderline personality disorder, psychosis, pica, ADHD
    

    ethnicity:

    Russian-Tanzanian
    

    languages:

    Russian, English, small amounts of Tuvan
    

    occupation:

    Programmer
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    I make a fist and not a plan, I act but I don't think.

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    I haven't seen the eyes in the walls for two hours now. The only things blinking at me are my own eyes in the mirror. They don't line up with my real eyes I think. I've been getting worse and worse for as long as I know, and I can't take it anymore. It was probably stupid to come to this place but maybe it'll help. I've heard some people admit themselves and then they never get to leave again. I'm probably going to be like that. I mean there's nothing else on the outside for me anymore. Nobody would notice if I die. But I don't know anymore if I really want to die. It just hurts to keep going like this. There's got to be something better but I really don't see it. Ending entry there's a bear in the window and he wants my feet.
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    If I fell apart, would anyone hear me break?

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    How are you feeling after your last session?

    
    

    ya uzhasnii

    
    

    I'm sorry?

    
    

    Awful. I feel awful.

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5'8
    
    

    physique:

    Short but muscular
    
    

    eyes:

    Dark brown
    
    

    hair:

    Black and curly
    
    

    face claim:

    Alex Wolff
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    Multiple birthmarks and freckles across his face. Large branching scar across his shoulder blades, along with other scars across his body.
    
    

    body modifications:

    None
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    Lazy boy grunge. Camo pants and hoodies, which must only be in red, black, or grey. Always wears work boots, even in the summer.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    Не воровка, не шалава by Воровайки
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    
    

    • Born in Tuva, Russia to a Russian father and a Tanzanian mother.
    • His father owns a large oil firm in Tuva. His colleagues call him "frightening" and "A great boss, when he does not know you work for him." His mother fled the country when he was four to escape Vasiliy's father's abuse. She was forced to leave Vasiliy behind.
    • Vasiliy was beaten by his father since he was a child. He stayed out of the house as much as he could to escape the swinging fists and flying beer bottles.
    • He became involved with the lower class of Kyzyl; drinking, smoking, and getting into petty fights at a worryingly young age.
    • At 14, he was heavily intoxicated and SA'ed by an older man, leaving him physically and emotionally scarred for life.
    • He pleaded and pleaded with his father to let him transfer to a school in the US as a part of an exchange program. Somehow, his father agreed. Likely just to get him out of the house for good
    • He was transferred to Ohio, and went to public school there for high school, slowly learning English. Life in America was nearly as horrible as back in Russia, as he was often bullied for his erratic actions, later diagnosed as ADHD and BPD. He tried to take manners into his own hands, but after threats of being deported and expelled, he forced himself to grim and bear it.
    • Graduation could not come quickly enough, and he enrolled in a community college to study computer science. He did not know where he would go after college, and only went to prevent himself from being sent back to Russia.
    • He could never recover from the traumas he faced in his home in Tuva. His mental state deteriorated quickly in college, with the new stresses of studying computer science and living alone. His heavy drinking and serious PTSD soon become coupled with a case of psychosis.
    • He pushed away anyone who came near him, either through screams or violence, and began to hallucinate things that weren't there. Anything from his father standing over him with an angry expression, to aliens offering to take him away. His grades dropped rapidly and he spent several days in a row without ever getting out of bed.
    • After failing four out of his five classes in his second year and facing expulsion for his tendency to get into fights, he realized he was too far gone to take care of his problems alone. He dropped out of university, and voluntarily admitted himself into Saint Margaret, praying for a miracle to save him.

    
    

    
    
    

    I am everyone's problem, but nobody's friend

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - istj-t

    
    

    
    

    
    introverted
    

    
    sensing
    

    
    thinking
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    judging
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    Out of the frying pan, into the fire

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    
    

    • Hard-headed- changing his mind is impossible
    • Impulsive- it's easier just to punch someone to shut them up than talk about solutions
    • Disaster-prone- he claims that he has nearly died exactly 7 times.
    • Loud- always shouts
    • Loyal- He doesn't have many friends, but the ones that stick to him he would die for
    • Animal lover- People suck, animals are at least pretty okay.
    • Lover of frogs, computers, running, aliens, lemon cake, dirt biking, and sitting in trash cans to think

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[qunqun]

Not a big "emotions" guy but let's try this anyways

Graham Byrne

• 001
• 02

• 
  
  
  

  warning!

  
  

  Trigger warnings for suicide attempts/ideation, alcoholism, grief, death of a sibling, parental abuse, and religious trauma

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Graham Flynn Byrne
    

    Age:

    25
    

    dob:

    May 3
    

    pronouns:

    He/Him
    

    gender:

    Cis-Male
    

    zodiac sign:

    Taurus
    

    pob:

    Ireland
    

    sexuality:

    "Unpicky"
    

    ailments:

    PTSD, survivor's guilt, Prolonged Grief Disorder, Suicidal tendencies
    

    ethnicity:

    Irish
    

    languages:

    Gaelic, English, BSL
    

    occupation:

    Gardener
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    Let's fall in love for the night and forget in the morning

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    Patient suffers from Persistent Grief Disorder, PTSD, and Survivor's Guilt. Feelings of worthlessness have been noted as symptoms, which factor into an increase in risk-taking behaviors and hypersexuality. Admitted to having an alcohol problem and behaviors closely aligned with adrenaline junkie behaviors. Formerly a smoker, but quit when he was 18. Potential to be addiction-prone. Should be placed under suicide watch due to repeated and continual offhand mentions of viewing his life as worthless and meaningless.
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    I'd suffer Hell if you tell me what you'd do to me tonight

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    how are you feeling after your last visit?

    
    

    Doing great, living life. This chick the other day asked me if I was single so...

    
    

    You're a pig.

    
    

    Tell me smth I don't know, doc.

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    6'3
    
    

    physique:

    Muscular and fit, he puts a lot of effort into being incredibly well-built.
    
    

    eyes:

    Bright green and with the pleasant vacancy of a person without too many thoughts going on up there. Constantly has a kind of warm cheer to them, like he's always a welcoming ear or willing to release some... tension. Sometimes, though, when nobody's looking, the light leaves his eyes, and he grows rather melancholic.
    
    

    hair:

    Bright red and curly, Graham knows that he draws eyes with his natural hair color whenever he walks into a room, and he preens under the attention. He likes it that way, when he's viewed for his looks and not really for his personality. It makes things easier on everyone in the end.
    
    

    face claim:

    Nicholas Skidmore
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    Attractive, with the charisma and magnetic draw of a guy who DEFINITELY knows that he's attractive, Graham is all about flirtatious humor, tongue-in-cheek winks and flirts to get people to like him... Or get people repulsed enough that they'll leave him the fuck alone.
    
    

    body modifications:

    He has a tattoo of a calla lily on his foot. No he will not tell you why.
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    Generally dressed to show off some skin, he uses a lot of greens and reds and browns in his wardrobe. A lot of plaid. Generally made to show off his muscles and to bring out his eyes. All in all, he dresses like a fruity whore. A checkup has also deemed it necessary that he wear glasses. He's still in denial.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    let's fall in love for the night by finneas
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    Graham was born exactly two minutes before his twin sister Aoife - a surprise to everyone involved, including doctors and parents alike. His parents were traditional Catholics, and decided that instead of actually parenting their children, which was a lot of effort and twice the amount of work that they thought that they'd have to do, they put Graham in charge of Aoife, making sure that he understood he was in charge of Aoife and it was his responsibility to keep his sister out of trouble. Being treated as the same person, they were given pretty much duplicates of everything, had to share a room, had to even share a bed before growth spurts started really kicking in and they managed to get separate beds. This meant that they were very close growing up - Aoife was the wild one back then, and Graham was the dependable one, always bailing his sister out of trouble through sheer unabashed charisma alone. It led to him slowly developing a reputation for being a flirt and a bit of a dick, but he didn't really mind because all that mattered in the end was Aoife's wellbeing.
    
    And then Aoife came out as a lesbian, and everything went to shit. Well, she didn't really come out per se as more she got caught by the nuns of their school kissing another girl behind the bleachers. Anyways, their parents were mad and considering sending her away to an all-girls private boarding school. Which was definitely the correct punishment for a lesbian, but the idea of separating the twins got them very upset, so Graham decided that they needed to go into the woods for a bit and clear their heads.
    
    They didn't come back for a week, and eventually the search parties found Graham wandering the wilderness, pretty close to death, and with blood on his hands and face, this far away look in his eyes. They never found Aoife.
    
    Graham's physical state bounced back shockingly quickly - declared a miracle by his school's nuns, but his mental state went pretty shit afterwards. He was always the sensitive, empathetic, dependable one to Aoife's wild recklessness and violence. Even worse, his parents basically stopped talking in the house pretty soon after, and when they did, it was always with the kind of gravity that comes from losing a child... and they never mentioned Aoife in the house ever again. An unspoken rule in the Byrne household is that you never said anything in regards to Aoife, and Graham got morose and sullen, spending longer and longer time skipping school and wandering the wilderness by himself, barely skating by in school in the belief that he should've died as well.
    
    One day, he looked up, and he realized how nervous everyone around him seemed... They were uncomfortable with his very presence, because he was a constant reminder of the person that died. His behavior was also a constant reminder that something bad happened. Everyone treated him like he was fragile and broken. And at first he got mad, but then he realized that everyone else had gotten over it. Therefore, he should've gotten over it as well by now. It was his fault. So, he did the Irish thing of getting really drunk, pushing his pain down, and carving out a mask for him to wear. The change was stark, gone was the sullen moroseness of a boy who'd lost his twin sister and his best friend, here to stay was the personality of an arrogant lad-like playboy with a dark past and a surprisingly good shoulder to lean on. He became popular again extremely quickly, though started avoiding his house at all possible times, and even managed to get into college where he graduated with a double major in English (poetry focus) and Wildlife. He then managed to immigrate to America, deciding that he needed a new start where the ghost of Aoife couldn't follow him.
    
    The persona he put on of an arrogant ladlike playboy, though, allowed for his affinity for risk-taking to have an excuse. Long story short, he went to the hospital five times because he nearly died or whatever, but he was FINE in the end so it didn't really matter. They honestly take that stuff WAY too seriously but just because he'd had five near death experiences within a very short time - the latest being alcohol poisoning - meant that he was, and get this you'll laugh here, "a danger to himself" or whatever... And now he's in St. Margaret's. BOOOOOOOO-
    
    

    
    
    

    I'm the boy that your boy hoped that you would avoid

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - esfp-a

    
    

    
    

    
    extroverted
    

    
    sensing
    

    
    feeling
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    prospecting
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    If it takes time to get to you, I'll get to you.

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    Graham is a very simple creature of pleasures.
    
    There is no hidden depths to be found at his bright smiles and magnetic draw. Freely self-admitting that he's not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he's hot so... This obfuscates Graham's superpower: he's just an incredibly charismatic person. Able to skate by alone on his charms and wits, Graham fully exploits his pretty privilege to the fullest by doing incredibly stupid things for fun, like partying and drinking and hooking up with just about anything that moves with a charming wink and a smile. Seemingly prideful and vain, he's the picture perfect image of a guy who's perhaps a bit lad-like and most definitely a pickup artist if it wasn't for his day job of gardening and hooking up with all the milfs/dilfs in town.
    
    So for a guy that seems to be a jerk, narcissistic, and with a distinct track record of hookups in his wake, how exactly does he get laid so much anyways?
    
    Graham is a dependable person, when you get to know him. And he is remarkably respectful towards the people that he hooks up with, always treating them with the utmost respect and compassion. He makes it known that he's not going to be a very emotionally open person, but he allows his hookups to mumble secrets into his chest and relieve their burdens if needed. And perhaps this is where his charisma comes from - not just his good looks, but an outstanding amount of empathy that allows him to connect with people on a very human level.
    
    And Graham is... aware that his lifestyle isn't healthy. And he's aware that he's just trying to run away from all of his issues with the new country and the drinking and the sex. But, to be completely honest, all of that swagger and the arrogance that he puts on hides a very dark and real idea that has taken root in his mind that his entire life is meaningless, and that he should've died a long time ago... and eventually when his prolonged existence does come to an end, it'll be his own personal reward for finally redeeming his soul enough to be allowed into Hell.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[jinxxes]

”here to fuck around and find out”

JULIAN PRICE

• 001
• 02

• 
  
  
  

  warning!

  
  

  This character sheet makes mention of depression, self-harm (cutting), suicide, homophobia, smoking, drinking, and violence. View at your own discretion.

  
  
  

  
  

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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Julian Price
    

    Age:

    23
    

    dob:

    October 30th
    

    pronouns:

    He/Him
    

    gender:

    Cis Male
    

    zodiac sign:

    Scorpio
    

    pob:

    North Carolina
    

    sexuality:

    Gay
    

    ailments:

    Severe depression, Conduct Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, suicidal tendencies/ideations, self-harm, nicotine addiction
    

    ethnicity:

    White
    

    languages:

    English, Some American Sign-Language
    

    occupation:

    Unemployed
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    cause you’re cold like a stone, how did you get that way?

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    not doing this.
    
    
    
    
    
    [There is a crudely drawn penis with a face at the bottom of the page]
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    maybe I’m alive cause I really didn’t wanna die
    but nothing very special ever happens in my life

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    how are you feeling after your last visit?

    
    

    do not talk to me as if you care. Just do your job.

    
    

    caring is part of my job, i want to help you, Julian.

    
    

    mhm.

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5’0
    
    

    physique:

    While missing out in the height department, Julian has not skipped out on building up bulk. Short and stocky, he’s got an impressive amount of muscle for being such a little guy. Could and will throw you.
    
    

    eyes:

    Light brown, may appear hazel in some lighting. Emotions do not quite reach them.
    
    

    hair:

    Blond, finally growing out from a military shave. It’s right on the the length that he has to start messing with it a little in the morning, but nothing a quick comb through can’t tame.
    
    

    face claim:

    Freddie Fox
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    Light hair, light skin that completely washes him out and highlights a blank, apathetic stare. Unsettling and perhaps scary at worst, interestingly brooding at best. If you don’t notice him, he’ll make sure to fix that.
    
    

    body modifications:

    Simple ear piercings
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    Majority black wadrobe, simple clothes like black hoodie, black sweats, black long-sleeved t-shirt. That’s pretty much his entire wadrobe, sans a couple odd shirts he got as a joke. (Example: Bright pink shirt that says ‘This mom runs on Coffee, Wine, and Jesus’)
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    I‘m Not a Good Person by Pat The Bunny
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    -Born in North Carolina to a military family
    -Moved around a lot to different bases
    -Begins acting out: Starting fights, vandalism, smoking, drinking, etc
    -Childhood neglect, having to take care of himself and only receiving attention if he did something bad
    -Emotional constipation as his basic needs weren’t met
    -Chronic feelings of emptiness but lacking an outlet for help
    -Begins cutting as a coping mechanism
    -Mental Hospital trip 1 at thirteen years old
    -Strained family relationships because men shouldn’t act like that
    -Surprise, surprise mom and dad! He’s also gay! Comes out in an argument
    -"We’ll always love you, but we don’t support that lifestyle."
    -Not really feeling the love there
    -Summer romance, meant to be short term fling
    -Fuck. Fell in love??? Ew???
    -An inability to process his emotions plus strain with his parents regarding his lover eventually leads to a violent altercation between him and his father
    -Mental Hospital trip 2: Electric Boogaloo
    -Went better than last time, medicine helped mediate his depression but still left him apathetic
    -Has to move away again upon release
    -Doesn't tell a soul and just vanishes
    -Sometimes letters found their way to him anyways
    -Hasn't written back at all but reads them often
    -Moved out to live in his van right out of high school
    -Has been clean from self-harm for three years
    -Goes wherever the wind takes him, no real purpose in life and just trying to survive
    -Doesn’t work out to well. Stops taking his meds as he can’t afford them.
    -Really not okay rn besties
    -Goes on a two week bender that he does not remember the majority of
    -Oopsie! Gains consciousness in the hospital
    -Relapsed during the bender, almost dying this time
    -Is unsure if it was an intentional suicide attempt or an intoxicated accident
    -Signs off on voluntary admission
    -Mental Hospital trip 3: The Reckoning at Saint Margaret’s
    -Well…. At least he’s trying to get help???
    
    

    
    
    

    i don’t wanna die but I don’t wanna live like this

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - entp-a

    
    

    
    

    
    extraverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    thinking
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    prospecting
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    Because they sleep with a gun and keep an eye in you, son
    so they can watch all the things you do

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    To most, Julian is an enigma, emotionless and unknowable. Few may call him an enemy, and even fewer describe him as the worst thing he could possibly think of: likable. No, Julian isn't your friend, he isn't even polite to strangers. How anyone could want to spend time with him is beyond him. Not that he cares. As long as he's entertained, Julian isn't adverse to having some company. Especially when that company is constantly willing to get into as much trouble as he is.
    
    For anyone else, Julian is used to brushing them off. Best to intimidate them early so he doesn't have to deal with them later. If that doesn't work, he will reluctantly put more effort into pushing people away, antagonizing them to the point of not trying anymore. The fewer people prying into his life, the better.
    
    While he'd like to make you believe he's unnuanced and surface level, that's far from the truth. Surprisingly, Julian is an actual human being. And like almost every other human being, he likes Minecraft, bites his nails, and is scared of bugs. Don't mention it though. Seriously, don't. Julian often gets quite defensive and it's best to stay on his good side, not that he has one. So, his neutral side then.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[Harrowhark]

Oh no! I blinked. Can I retake it?

Jackson Flores-Belrose

• 001
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  warning!

  
  

  Trigger warnings for suicide attempts, alcoholism, drug addiction

  
  
  

  
  

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    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Jackson Flores-Belrose
    

    Age:

    23
    

    dob:

    April 20th
    

    pronouns:

    He/Him
    

    gender:

    Male
    

    zodiac sign:

    Aries
    

    pob:

    Sacremento, California
    

    sexuality:

    Queer
    

    ailments:

    ADHD, BPD, drug & alcohol addiction
    

    ethnicity:

    American
    

    languages:

    English, barely
    

    occupation:

    Unemloyed
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    Whats the fun in doing what you’re told?

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 25.10.22

    
    Upon admission, patient exhibits frequent mood swings associated with prior borderline personality disorder diagnosis as well as inability to focus, hyperactivity, and other symptoms of priorly diagnosed ADHD. Upon beginning withdrawal, patient has become irritable and restless, feeling standard symptoms such as anxiety, sweating, nausea, and rapid heartbeat.
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    I overthink, I overlove, I overfeel

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    how are you feeling after your last visit?

    
    

    Like absolute shit.
    Just let me have one blunt. One!

    
    

    No.

    
    

    Asshole

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5’3
    
    

    physique:

    Lean, just guy shaped
    
    

    eyes:

    Green
    
    

    hair:

    Brown
    
    

    face claim:

    Devon Bostick
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    Just a dude honestly. Jackson looks fairly unassuming at first, if not always a little high. Seriously, who gave this little guy a blunt? He’s often overlooked due to his height and generic appearance. Not that this is bad, it allows him to slip away when necessary. His face is soft around the edges, which is annoying on the rare occasion he wants to be taken seriously.
    
    

    body modifications:

    In this economy?
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    Bad! Cannot dress himself fashionably. Sometimes an outfit is just a while shirt and overalls. Sometimes it’s a Hawaiian button up and jeans. It is never “stylish” or even “attractive.” Only wears nice clothes when absolutely necessary.
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    dont hate me by badflower
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    
    -Two super smart botanist moms
    -Test tube baby boy
    -raised by technology more than his moms
    -undiagnosed adhd
    -cue troublemaker status
    -tfw ur moms are busy after school so you just wander the streets
    -crime is fun?
    -also drugs
    -child delinquent, spent some time in juvie
    -dropped out of high school
    -fucks off to ohio
    -bad breakup led to worsened mental health issues
    -may have jumped off a bridge
    -did not stay in therapy or on his meds after parole was up
    -relapses hard
    -overdoses the first time he tries heroin
    -got involuntarily admitted to St. Margaren’t
    
    

    
    
    

    No matter how hard we try, we all end up liars one way or the other

    
    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    personality type - enfp-a

    
    

    
    

    
    extroverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    feeling
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    perceiving
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    And then it all started to fall apart again

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    
    Observant
    Jackson has a keen eye. This isn’t to say there’s nothing he can miss, but he assesses his surroundings well. Slow down near cop cars, shut up when someone gives you “the look,” give her some space if she gives you “the other look,” ect. It is entirely possible that he’ll decide to ignore his better judgment, but what can you do?
    
    Relaxed
    Problems? Oh no, haven’t you heard we ignore those now? Yeah, new drug, you should try it. Overall, Jackson doesn’t let things get to him. Inconveniences roll right off his back, usually right down to bite him in the ass. It’s fine though, if you keep ignoring something it’ll go away, right?
    
    Capable
    For most things, Jackson doesn’t need help. He might want someone by his side, but he doesn’t need anyone to do things for him. He’s got two perfectly useful hands, and he will use them to carry all the groceries in on one trip.
    
    Dependable
    In fact, he’ll even lend you those two hands. No matter what you need help with, holding the door open or hiding a body, you can count on him. He will even, albeit not while sitting still, listen to any problems you might have. Don’t expect sound advice or useful feedback though, he can only promise you the listening part.
    
    Uncaring
    Jackson lacks passion. He often comes across as lazy or insensitive, but he just doesn’t often find that emotional investment. It might be a bummer if he gets a D on a test or someone insults him, but that’s temporary. Isn’t it all temporary? So, nothing matters, but in a nihilistic way.
    
    Messy
    Jackson hasn’t seen his bedroom floor in years. Frankly, he’s not sure it exists anymore. If he picks up all the water bottles and dirty socks, what’s stopping him from falling right through? It’s not like anyone else goes in there anyway. Mom says it’s a biohazard, Ma says it’s a natural teen boy way of living. Either way, it’s not changing.
    
    Blameless
    Responsibility who? Jackson’s never heard of the word. Don’t expect an apology out of him, as far as he’s concerned, he did nothing wrong. It’s called having fun actually, you should try it. This man has never felt an ounce of guilt in his life.
    
    Corruptor
    And it’s due to this behavior that he’s usually regarded as “bad news.” “Come on, tag a building just this once, you’ll love it.” “There’s nothing wrong with stealing from corporations, bro.” “I swear, no one’s gonna know.”
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
  a

© weldherwings.

 

[.wren]

私の全て？いいえ、いいえ、あなたはしたすることすっかり違ったを理解する。私は何ないあります

KO YASUTAKE

• 001
• 02

• 
  
  
  

  warning!

  
  

  this character sheet contains various mentions of: suicide, violence, self-harm, strong language, alcohol and substance abuse, and more. please read at your own discretion

  
  
  

  
  

  i agree

  
  

  
  
  
  
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  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    basic info

    
    

    Name:

    Yasutake Ko
    

    Age:

    21
    

    dob:

    7th January 2001
    

    pronouns:

    he/him
    

    gender:

    male (transgender)
    

    zodiac sign:

    capricorn
    

    pob:

    kanagawa prefecture, japan
    

    sexuality:

    pansexual
    

    ailments:

    borderline personality disorder (bpd), depression (mdd, specifically), ptsd, suicidal tendencies and ideations, history of minor substance abuse
    

    ethnicity:

    japanses
    

    languages:

    japanese, english (plus a bit of JSL and ASL)
    

    occupation:

    student (post-secondary / higher level education)
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

    they tell me to live, but just who am i living for?

    
    
    

    patient diary entry: 23.10.22

    
    its only been two hours and these guys already dont trust me. it’s stupid. i guess having a messy history with hospitals isn’t favorable for them. whatever, as long as they don’t try to pull anything on me, i won’t pull anything on them. it’s simple. also, i know you read this, i’m not stupid.
    
    私は私自身とても誇りに思っていますが理由であなたの時間このを無駄翻訳する
    
    actually though, can i leave already? im fine.
    
    

    
    
  • 
    

    
    

    its hard to move forward when a single step can send you miles back

    
    
    

    scroll

    
    
    

    How're your studies going

    
    

    great! how are you guys doing without being able to pamper us at every waking moment?

    
    

    Great to hear that, and I am not that old! We just love you guys. If you ever need anything, we will always be up for a call.

    
    

    love u too i'll call you tomorrow so you can sleep. night!

    
    

    
    
    

    height:

    5'5 (165cm)
    
    

    physique:

    a fairly slender but healthy build
    
    

    eyes:

    mid green
    
    

    hair:

    mid to light brown, though since the light does not hit it often, it looks fairly dark. its also pretty curly when and if he actually lets it air dry rather than poof it out.
    
    

    face claim:

    Kento Yamazaki
    

    
    
    
    

    click!

    
    
    

    features:

    bad posture combined with his tendencies to look down and advert his eyes from any attention leave Ko with body language that conveys poor confidence. His body is covered in significant scarring, some of which can still be seen even with his go-to wardrobe of comfort clothing on.
    
    

    body modifications:

    top surgery and bottom surgery, on testosterone as well
    
    

    wardrobe style:

    sweaters, sweaters, sweaters. when that's not available, anything comfy will do (oversized sweatshirts, sweatpants, etc)
    
    

    
    

    click!

    
    
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    bg ambiance by magesitck records
    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    history

    
    

    
    Ko was the oldest of the two children of Kana and Teijo Yasutake. He has a younger sister, Yukie Yasutake, that is eight years younger than him. His family was strictly Catholic, and as a result he was raised as such from a young age. His childhood was not ideal, considering how strict his parents were, but it was nowhere near as bad as his teenage years. Ko ended up coming out to his family as transgender at 16, to which they expressed their clear disapproval. It was the final straw for them, so they kicked him out as a result. After two days on the streets, Ko finally brought himself in to an orphanage.
    
    His first day at the orphanage was draining. It was mainly paperwork, questionnaires, and medical screenings. He managed to get six hours of sleep that night, but the days following were rough. He wasn’t able to sleep for the following fifteen days. In the meantime, a therapist he had been assigned to meet with grew concerned due to his out-of-it behavior. By day five without sleep, he had developed significant bags under his eyes, his responses were slowed, and his speech was slightly slurred. When his therapist inquired about his behavior, Ko lied and explained that it was his nights on the street catching up to him. Once day eight rolled around, Ko responded with nothing more than slight nods and shakes of the head, too tired to properly form words. Even just his nodding responses would take a minute or two for him to execute and he was continuously zoning out. After ten days, he developed odd eating patterns like eating everything he could one day, then forgetting to eat anything the next. He spend most of the day zoned out, but awake. Mentally, he just wasn’t there. His therapist would re ask questions frequently and he would seldom respond. As day 15 rolled around, Ko was severely hallucinating, could barely hold himself up, and was too tired to do pretty much anything. At the end of his therapy session, he ended up collapsing on the floor and passing out. Emergency services were called and he was placed on an IV in the general hospital. He was out for almost 30 hours before he woke up from his slumber. Not long after, he was given a psychological evaluation and a couple screeners, leading to him ultimately being sent to an inpatient center.
    
    His first stay was the shortest and most anticlimactic. He didn’t try anything, in fact, he just wanted to leave, but he didn’t put in an effort in to it either. He ended up staying there for four months before being discharged and was diagnosed with and medicated for PTSD, anxiety, and depression. After his discharge and integration back into social settings, he went back to school.
    
    Ko was moving forward, until one day he began to spiral again. He went from perfectly content to slumped and unmotivated to do anything, including live. His second hospitalization occurred after he had attempted to jump from the roof of the children’s home. It was an incoming staff member that caught sight of him on the roof that had distracted him long enough for emergency services to arrive, and after refusing to step away from the ledge, pulled him away and restrained him until they brought him to safety and loaded him in an ambulance. Once he had arrived, all belongings of his were taken, he was placed in gowns, put on a one to one, and labeled as high risk. During that stay alone, Ko had over twenty-eight elopement attempts and six suicide attempts and was hospitalized for thirteen months before discharge. The majority of his stay was in the quiet room, so he was often referred to as the “permanent contender of the quiet room”. During that stay he was also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD).
    
    His third stay resulted after falling into one of his most severe depressive episodes to date, in which he was found lying unconscious in a pool of water quickly being dyed red with blood in his bathroom’s bathtub with open wounds from a razor blade that was sitting on the tub’s ledge. He had successfully sliced one of his arteries open, however the blood clotted and the wound was not fatal. He was admitted to another psychiatric hospital in gowns, a one to one supervision, and high risk. His third inpatient hospitalization was characterized with over sixty-three elopement attempts and fifteen active suicide attempts as well as seven trips to the ER with assistance needed from first responders during that stay alone. He was hospitalized for twenty three months before discharge, twenty one of which were spent in the quiet room / partial solitary or higher levels of ‘care’. (more elaboration to come in an extensive character document later— a lot happened in here)
    
    After being discharged from his third inpatient trip, he wanted to turn things around and, in a sense, prove his worth to himself. It was then that he had decided to finish secondary school, completing all major exams from his last three years of school in the span of one semester and all of holiday break. He had completed them so quickly, in fact, that he only had to take one gap semester when it came time to start college at a nearby university he had been accepted to, and that was due to needing recovery time from the various transitional surgeries he had gotten over the break and the arrival of his diploma (since he technically could not start post-secondary education without one). He was able to move in to the on-site dormitories two weeks earlier than is usually permitted, mainly due to his circumstances and that he had, in fact, outgrown the system.
    
    While in university, Ko lived with another boy he was assigned roommates with named Masumi Yamazaki. Although it was quite awkward at first, two grew close to the point that, when Masumi found out that Ko didn’t necessarily have anywhere to return to for the holidays, he invited him home. Ko even began to wonder if he might even have a crush on his roommate. His family included his parents, Suzume and Masayuki Yamazaki, along with a cat named Hoshi and a dog named Tadeo. Although Ko was a bit surprised by their extreme friendliness and welcoming of him, he adjusted quickly and grew very fond of the family. On the other hand, Suzume and Masayuki cherished Ko and treated him like their own. After that holiday had ended, the two returned to school and all was well, until it wasn’t. Ko began to recognize himself falling into another spiral, but was alone, and tried to text and call Masumi, who was in class, for help. He didn’t get back for another hour and must have had his phone on silent, because there was no response. When he came back, Ko was sobbing on the bathroom floor next to an open bottle of Melatonin. As Masumi made his way to the bathroom, Ko was shocked by the sudden movement and accidentally knocked the bottle over, causing him to get scared and scramble to pick it all up. He wasn’t met with criticism, however, he was met with a hug from behind, which he slowly sunk into and relished the embrace. Later that night, the two were together in the comfort of Masumi’s bed when Ko began spilling his feelings. He told Masumi that he liked him. Then, specified that he like-liked him, which turned into a flustered clarification that he could even say he loved the other. Immediately after Ko began to regret his confession, mumbling, apologizing, and stressing about how he probably ruined everything he had. Masumi’s initial response was oblivious, saying that he liked the other two, but changed when he realized what Ko meant. In the middle of his babbling, Masumi kissed the other, which eventually led to them being more than just roommates in the morning.
    
    Masumi approached Ko with a plan for him going forward. He should go to another psychiatric facility. Ko was about to express his extreme disinterest when Masumi clarified that it would only be for about three months, he would visit whenever he could, and it was a homier setting; a residential treatment facility. Ko hesitantly agreed, and they were able to get him a bed in only two weeks. The facility was only about 45 minutes away, and it was on both the outside and in, looked like a large home, and was surrounded by a fairly large plot of some pretty beautiful nature.
    
    Inside his admission was quick and he said goodbye, but he was also shocked by the difference. everyone there was nice, they let him keep his clothes and explained that anything else that wasn’t contraband would be returned to him to put in his room in a day or two, once he wouldn’t be on risk anymore (it was just protocol) and explained all the rules. Masumi called every night and visited every weekend. His parents visited too, and sometimes they even brought their pets (though they had to do a bit of convincing to prove that Tadeo could ‘probably pass a therapy dog certification exam right now’ so he would be allowed in), and even some of the other patients would ask to see ‘the goofy big fluffy dog in the lobby’, so he became a bit of a mascot. Three months later, just Like Masumi had promised, and he was out. He was able to jump right back in to school, and the two grew closer, especially considering Ko’s respect for Masumi after not only helping him through it all, but also taking the time to get him the level of help he needed in the best way possible.
    
    Time passed, and now almost two years later, they were already in their third year of university and still as close as ever. Ko got a cat, which was a bit grumpy, but liked Hoshi and tolerated Tadeo. The cat was named Kuro, basic, sure, but it was cute and reflected his beautiful deep-black fur. Ko hadn’t had another episode or any relapses ever since he had been discharged from residential, and the two had traveled to America for one of their grad projects for school.
    
    But alas, disaster struck again, and Masumi came home from his internship to find Ko unconscious in the walkway, with a broken bottle of vodka and empty bottle of ibuprofen on the kitchen floor and counter, along with a few drops of blood on and around the broken shards of glass. He was unresponsive, so Masumi ended up calling emergency services and got an ambulance ride for him to the ER. There, they didn’t even need to wait to give him a screener to tell that it was a suicide attempt. Masumi stayed in the hospital with him until he regained consciousness, and then went to grab some food from the hospital’s cafeteria. when he was on his way back, multiple codes were called, however so he was required to go back to the room and stay put. It was then that he realized that Ko was gone and that he was their current emergency. A bit of panic later and he could hear Ko screaming profanities at a couple of security guards and nurses that had resorted to sedating him and dragging him back to the room to be put on a one to one with a security guard that was on shift. The yelling started to quiet down, despite them getting closer, so clearly whatever sedative he was given was kicking in. When he was back in the room, he was restrained to the bed, crying, and explaining how he couldn’t go back to another hospital and had to leave. Eight hours later, and he was off to St. Margaret Private Hospital for however long his stay may be.
    
    

    
    
    

    what the fuck is wrong with me, pushing those i love away

    
    
    
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    personality type - infp-t

    
    

    
    

    
    introverted
    

    
    intuitive
    

    
    feeling
    

    
    

    
    
    

    
    prospecting
    

    
    turbulent
    

    
    assertive
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    they expect me to get better, but solitary's a bitch

    
    
    

    
    

    traits

    
    

    Ko's a pretty anxious guy. overall, he doesnt have any exceptional personality traits.
    
    he's a good listener and also very patient with people. if you have a problem, he'll listen. if you just want to let it out, that's okay. if you want some advice, thats also okay. despite being such a heavy overthinker, Ko gives great advice. He's that guys that will always just kind be there if you need a shoulder to cry on. he doesnt expect anything back, he's just glad that he can help someone out.
    
    he's insecure and, whether someone means it as a joke or not, will take things personally, even if he laughs along or says he doesn't mind. even when he's thriving, he's still a pretty big wallflower. he sticks to what is easiest for him and doesnt try to necessarily be himself. he's a pretty tough nut to crack open, but once he is, he'll loosen up you and start branching out with his responses and assertiveness a bit more.
    
    underneath all of his flaws, and that brick wall of a front he puts up, though, there's quite the creative soul. he's a terrible artist in more than one way, but that's only with the first definition of art. though he struggles to verbally express his thoughts and feelings, he can blow people away with how well he can write and captivate any audience. sometimes his words are structured, others are abstract.
    
    whether it looks it or not, ko tries his hardest to get better, every day. he knows that there's something wrong with him, but even if he's able to identify it and make it known to someone, anyone that he's struggling, he can't stop it. all he can do is ride the wave, and in a sink-or-swim scenario, he ends up falling to the bottom just to awaken back at the top. he hates feeling like a burden over these things that he cant control, and he wants to be healthy, but it always seems futile, and he ends up hurting not just himself, but others close to him as well.
    
    ko's not the type of guy to just lash out at anybody. it's his last-resort method of escaping from what he percieves as dangerous, scary, cruel, and out to get him. inpatient hospitals, however, seem to be at the top of that list. if you ask him enough, he might just admit why he suddenly panics, goes into a fight-flight-or-freeze mode, and sometimes he even makes it to the whole 'fight' part and will try to force his way out of the situations. he isn't actually bold, violent likes attacking nurses or swearing, he just feels like he's in danger and does everything impulsively and on the spot from there.
    

    
    
    

    
    

    
    

  
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