Torimodosu
current mood: ???
I’m a noob, guys—you have to PM me for the time being. *sniff*
I’m Torimodosu. Call me Torimo. Or you could call me Sam, since that's my name. But.... I really love my username. Anyway... Hello. Long story short: I started roleplaying 8 years ago. Yes, it’s really been 8 years. After 6 years of being a roleplay nomad on various sites—I quit roleplaying completely. Then, I spent 2 years writing random crap by myself. That was fun. (It wasn’t that fun, actually.)
I’m ready to start roleplaying again. It’s so exciting! I wrote a really long post because I was excited. But it's okay--I used BB code to hide the extents of it so you don't know what you're getting yourself into! Yay!
OH! Right. I don’t have any up right now, but I’ll probably get some ideas sorted out and post them here as a database. Even if you don’t roleplay with me, you’re more than welcome to use my ideas. Just give me credit for them. If you don’t, I won’t hunt you down or anything… but if I happen to notice, well… you might get a sarcastic comment. Just saying.
I also like brainstorming with people. So even if you can’t roleplay with me, assuming I’m not totally swamped (26 roleplays… don’t think that will ever happen again) I’m totally game to just brainstorm ideas that we could use with other people. It’s easier for me when I’m forced to explain my vague ideas and wring them out of my brain. Otherwise, I already know what the idea is, so I’m too lazy to spell it out on paper. So, yeah. Totally selfish reasoning behind that one.
I also wouldn’t mind mentoring a person or two, assuming we get along well. Because, you know… I can be blunt. And constructive criticism can really suck sometimes. Yeah. Moving on.
So that’s it. Anyone interested?
I’m Torimodosu. Call me Torimo. Or you could call me Sam, since that's my name. But.... I really love my username. Anyway... Hello. Long story short: I started roleplaying 8 years ago. Yes, it’s really been 8 years. After 6 years of being a roleplay nomad on various sites—I quit roleplaying completely. Then, I spent 2 years writing random crap by myself. That was fun. (It wasn’t that fun, actually.)
I’m ready to start roleplaying again. It’s so exciting! I wrote a really long post because I was excited. But it's okay--I used BB code to hide the extents of it so you don't know what you're getting yourself into! Yay!
OH! Right. I don’t have any up right now, but I’ll probably get some ideas sorted out and post them here as a database. Even if you don’t roleplay with me, you’re more than welcome to use my ideas. Just give me credit for them. If you don’t, I won’t hunt you down or anything… but if I happen to notice, well… you might get a sarcastic comment. Just saying.
I also like brainstorming with people. So even if you can’t roleplay with me, assuming I’m not totally swamped (26 roleplays… don’t think that will ever happen again) I’m totally game to just brainstorm ideas that we could use with other people. It’s easier for me when I’m forced to explain my vague ideas and wring them out of my brain. Otherwise, I already know what the idea is, so I’m too lazy to spell it out on paper. So, yeah. Totally selfish reasoning behind that one.
I also wouldn’t mind mentoring a person or two, assuming we get along well. Because, you know… I can be blunt. And constructive criticism can really suck sometimes. Yeah. Moving on.
- What you can expect from me: Concise version.
- A "brief" bio...
- What you can expect from me: Full version
- Writing sample
Here’s a quick idea of what you can expect from me, so you don’t have to read the whole post if it doesn’t appeal to you. I’ll go more in-depth on these points later.
- I’m literate. It’s ingrained in the very depths of my soul. English is my baby. Don’t butcher it in front of me. Please. Pretty please?
- Post length = 400-2,500 words. My sweet spot is somewhere between 850-1,400 words.
- If you need a TLDR… run away. Now. It won’t work between us. Save yourself.
- I don’t post regularly. My replies are extremely high quality, so that takes time. I’m slow. Incredibly slow.
- Roleplaying with me is very relaxed. I don’t expect fast turnarounds. If you need to put the roleplay on hold for a few weeks or months just let me know. It’s better for everyone if we understand that “real life” comes first. It’s better to postpone a reply than ditch the story completely. I like long-term partnerships with a lot of communication and understanding. Those are healthy. Healthy is good.
- I’m the type of person you forge a relationship with. It’s not just about posting replies on a thread. I talk extensively about the characters/story and the various directions it could take, but we usually end up talking about completely unrelated things as well. I make friends. I don’t just test out partners. You guys aren’t fast fashion that I pull off a rack and decide to try on after 20 seconds… right?
- I never do slice of life. It has cooties. Cooties are gross. And I better not hear the words “high school.” I won’t kill you. Nope. I’ll maim you. I’ll do it. Don’t you dare test me, bro.
- I’m game for just about any other genre… just avoid mundane and any type of school.
- I’m open to all pairings (MxF, FxF, and MxM) and I can roll with or without romance.
- I prefer playing male characters, although I can be talked into almost anything.
- I can be talked into a lot of things. It’s not even that hard, honestly… as long as it seems interesting.
- I like writing about really dark things. I’m a dark writer. I also focus a lot on psychology and underlying themes. Everything should have some sort of meaning. Even a specific word in my posts can allude to something bigger.
- I do 1x1s mostly. It’s rare for me to do group RPs.
- I’m an awesome writer. I know it. It’s okay to flaunt it. I’m an INTJ, a female INTJ, so please excuse my arrogance. It’s a thing. It’s ingrained in my soul. It’s not annoying. *cough*
- I’m nice, but I’m also a tad blunt, so… don’t be offended. And don’t be afraid of offending me. Seriously. Say whatever the hell you want. I value honesty above… er… censorship.
When I was a kid, I was kind of a derp socially. Wait. I still am. Kind of? I’m working on it. Yeah. Actually, no. I’m pretty much true to myself the way I am now. So yeah—not working on it. Anyway… I wasn’t good at making friends, but I still had neighborhood kids that loved to play with me because I had an epic imagination. While the basic bitches were playing hide and seek or tag, I came up with these super involved RPG style games. I covered all sorts of genres. Sci-fi, historical reenactments, high fantasy, action… okay, yes, a few fandoms. I was eight. There’s no shame in pretending to be twitches with your bestie, okay!? N-no shame at all. *cough*
So, yeah. I was in this weird situation of being in the clique without really being in it at all—they liked me, they played with me, but I didn’t actually fit in with them. No one had a crush on me, so I was basically unqualified to talk about the inner-circle type stuff that REALLY MATTERED in primary school. I remained in this weird limbo until around ten. Then they were practically tweens, and they wouldn’t be caught dead playing outside or using their imaginations. Yep. The boy I considered my favorite friend told me point-blank that he wouldn’t play with me anymore, because he was a “tween” (*cough* he wasn’t actually *cough*) and he only did cool things, like blocking all the sunlight in his room and playing Pokémon on GameCube. He didn’t explicitly say that last part. It was heavily implied.
Okay guys… I’m 20 years old. I’ll be 21 soon. And you know what? I would fucking go outside RIGHT NOW and PLAY. Seriously. My life’s mission is to be just the right kind of derp socially, so I can find other awesome people like me, befriend them, and organize an epic multi-day game. I don’t know exactly what the storyline will be—but I know we need several acres of land, camping/survival gear, nerf guns, sock weapons, and at least enough people for 2-3 teams. There should be a team of zombies, too. Definitely zombies. Pirates and cyborgs may also be included… I’m thinking extra rations/hard liquor for the pirates and walkie-talkies/infrared goggles for the cyborgs.
Anyway—I wasn’t cool entertainment anymore, so I was totally abandoned and didn’t have friends. It was fine, by the way. Don’t pity me. I’m an INTJ, so… human relationships are optional. Human relationships? Did I seriously just say that? Wow. I guess my subconscious welcomes non-human relationships and considers them necessary. Like I said… kind of a derp socially. But I learned how to rock it.
Two years later, I came across this weird thing called “roleplaying.” I actually made fun of the concept at first. Then I looked into it, and… it totally intrigued me. I could share my imagination again. It was everything I loved—complete with an environment where it wasn’t considered childish. I wouldn’t be rejected! So, I found this writing forum that had a roleplaying section, and… I started roleplaying. My first one was a super original group roleplay that took place inside a boarding school, but—get this—all the students were various paranormal creatures or gifted humans. I know! None of you have EVER come across a roleplay like that, right? Don’t be jealous. You’re jealous, aren’t you? Stop it.
It was embarrassing, really. I mean—I didn’t realize it was embarrassing at the time, but… wow. Yes, it was my first time, but damn… I was the worst roleplayer in that thread. It was bad. Really bad. My character was as uninteresting and undynamic as they come—annoyingly shy, with no actual personality traits beyond that, and while the power I chose was a little out of the ordinary, it was a struggle to implement it without seeming overpowered… or hell, even underpowered against all the other overpowered characters in the story. It was a struggle with no happy medium, so all interactions on that front were vague and awkward and a little bit tense with lots of OOC chat.
I was happy to put up with it, though, since it took a long time to actually interact with anyone (I.E. get a reply intended for me) since my annoyingly shy character’s only trait was to avoid interaction, and it turns out most (group) roleplayers won’t go out of their way to interact with a character that isn’t easy to interact with. Especially when they already have their own storylines going on that they’re ACTUALLY interested in and excited about.
Roleplaying realization #1: imagination doesn’t automatically translate to good writing and stellar characterization. Oops. Quite a long time passed before I’d consider myself any good at roleplaying. Reading some of the stuff I’ve written over the years… it’s cringe worthy. Just as an aside, since I normally intimidate people with my writing nowadays… I’m skilled, but that skill was learned. It’s a good bet that I was a much shittier writer than any of you—but I practiced and improved over several years and here I am today. We all have our own writing journeys. We all have to chase after our potential. Don’t feel inadequate and say I’m so much better than you. I’m not. I might just be farther along in my journey. You’ll get there.
Oh—and just in case anyone wants to go back and track down the horror that was my first attempt at roleplaying… that forum died several years ago. Completely gone. My shame can only live on within me. Yes, I DID just sigh with relief. How did you know?
Fun fact, the roleplaying on that particular forum was such low-quality that the entire roleplaying community got kicked out by moderators! It was a bad move on their part since the site stopped getting traffic after that, but it WAS justified. We totally sucked. It was at that point I became a roleplaying nomad and some really crappy stuff started happening in my life. The motivation behind my roleplaying shifted. It became a coping mechanism. And now that it was necessary for basic sanity… I started to roleplay A LOT. My peak was 26 roleplays. Yes, I know that’s crazy. Most of them got several replies a day. Sure, they were semi-literate… maybe 1-3 paragraph replies… but 26 of them! That was in high school. I slept 4 hours a night and wrote parts of replies on my phone during passing and lunch and on the bus and constantly when I got home. When I did the dishes I would stop every 15 minutes to check my threads and write a reply. It was fucking insane. It also didn’t last very long. After 3 months or so I toned it down to 10-12 roleplays at any given time.
At that point, I had been roleplaying for a few years, and all the practice had improved my writing considerably. I was now one of the better roleplayers that intimidated people, and it became harder to find partners. I ended up doing some semi-lit stuff to mentor a few people for a while… and then after 4 years of roleplaying I moved on to strictly literate roleplays with average posts of 1,000 to 2,000 words. I loved them—adored them really—even though I only took on a few and the replies took days to write.
And then I had a realization. This whole thing was a coping mechanism, so obviously everything I wrote had revolved around the problems I was having in my life. It had become a sort of badge of honor—saying that all these famous writers were troubled, and I was troubled too, so it deepened my writing. Improved it. Made it more interesting. But, really, it reached a point where instead of distracting me from my problems… it actually made me focus on them even more. I dwelled on them. It started making everything worse and becoming its own problem—adding an extra layer of stress because I was obligated to write replies for other people, even if I didn’t feel like it.
I quit. Cold turkey. After 6 years of roleplaying, I just…. stopped. (Uh… sorry to anyone I ditched back then…. Awkward. So awkward.) It was a good decision. I’m glad I made it. I spent 2 years just writing random stuff into word documents and deleting them after. I can’t dwell on it if I don’t save it, right? My problems never changed. But my attitude towards them did. At first I just got better at hiding my feelings. Funny how deep things can be buried when you stop digging them up every day. It seems obvious, but I guess a lot of stuff does in hindsight. It was just recently that putting up stronger walls gave way to acceptance and forgiveness, but it’s been a pretty thorough transformation. I learned a lot and got a bit older… so now I can write things without seeping them in my own bitterness and darkness and depression. Yay! Self-empowerment! Stuff like that!
Oh, wow. This passage is right around my average post length. Just think—you could get replies like this! Awesome sauce. Why not sell your soul now? It’s worth it. Really.
No? Well, I guess I could put up a writing sample to convince you…
This is the full version of the synopses I posted in the beginning. You’ll need to read all of this if you want to roleplay with me. There’s lots of stuff I didn’t cover in the concise version.
-post frequency, length, and quality-
-interlude-Turnaround time is inconsistent and varies greatly, but I’m usually quite lethargic. I’m gonna cover my ass here and say one reply every 3 days to… 3 months? Yeah. Let’s go with that.
Post length is situational, but I prefer longer posts. You’ll never get anything shorter than 400 words. Ever. 400 words is as “casual” or “semi-lit” as I could ever manage. My average is 1-2k. Don’t be surprised if I get excited and occasionally give you a 2.5k+ post.
I’m extremely literate. Extremely. Expect minor grammatical errors for stylistic reasons. For example… I use a lot of sentence fragments and run-on sentences. They read smoothly enough, but they’re technically incorrect. I might purposely misplace a comma to affect how you read something. Rest assured… I’m well versed in writing technicalities. That’s why I can skillfully slaughter that shit. Alliteration! Ha.
I take writing very seriously. A LOT of work goes into my posts. Each one goes through 3-5 drafts—constantly proofread and rewritten to be as smooth and sexy as possible. I won’t detail my entire process here… but it’s nothing for me to spend 10-12 hours on a single reply. That’s a massive amount of time, especially considering I have work (and fuck it, a Netflix subscription) so that’s why my posts are so infrequent. I really want to drive this point home so we understand each other. I’m a slow poke. Accept it. Don’t send out search parties. Don’t pester me to post quicker. Just chill. It’s worth it in the end.
If I’m in multiple roleplays, I might get super excited about one and post consecutively while “ignoring” the other ones. Look, this is just the way I am. Accept it.
-expectations-Full disclosure: I understand that I’m a lunatic. Even two years ago, people said they loved my writing, but they were too intimidated to roleplay with me because my writing skill was at a higher level. I anticipate this reaction will be more common this time around… I mean, I have improved a bit since then. I understand that I’m a top-notch writer (wow, so arrogant!) and most people don’t share my level of devotion or spend the amount of time I do on a single post. I don’t think there are a lot of fellow lunatics out there. So, I’m not expecting any. Have confidence in yourself. Are you a literate roleplayer? Do you enjoy longer posts? Are you generally unlikely to be assassinated by grammar Nazis—except for stylistic reasons? You’re probably plenty skilled enough to be my partner. Okay? Just chill and believe in yourself! I’m pretty sure BB codes can smell fear. And those things are everywhere. Be careful.
-preferred topics and writing style-I know you’re accepting a lot of things here, and it might seem kinda shitty now, but my writing is fabulous… so I’m like 70% convinced you’ll adore me and happily put up with it all. I understand if you’re reluctant, though. If you’re unsure, but seriously considering my promise of candy in that white van over there, it’s okay. You can come over for just a bit—and if you’re not having fun, you can leave.
We both have a right to test out our relationship and part ways if we aren’t satisfied. Go ahead and ditch me at any time. I mean, don’t be an asshole—break up with me properly—but understand that I won’t get angry and curse you forever by any means. Do what’s best for you. Likewise, I’ll let you know (generally within the first 2 posts) if I don’t think it’s gonna work out. I’m attempting to amass a small group of partners (*cough* friends *cough*) that I absolutely adore… so if I end up parting ways with you, don’t be upset. I’m a strange puzzle piece and few people fit with me perfectly.
And if you got inspired by the aside or interlude and partnered up with me even though you weren’t sure about the whole thing, and I ended up letting you down… well damn, I’m a complete asshole. I guarantee you I feel EXTREMELY guilty about it, but really it’s better for everyone involved if we end it quickly instead of stringing it along. It’s not you. For real. It’s me. There’s no way it could be you when I’m such an arrogant asshole. Right? Right. It’s not about skill. You’re not an inferior writer by any means. It’s about writing style. We all have different styles, and some of them just don’t go well together. I personally don’t have the skill to adapt to certain writing styles, so my only option is to move on.
My main priority is for us to understand each other. Most roleplays die rather quickly, and I would like to avoid that, so it’s very important that we manage expectations from the start. I’ve spelled out my less attractive traits (slow, plays favorites, doesn’t play well with some writing styles, arrogant. Oh, did I mention I’m blunt and that offends people sometimes?) so you don’t get any nasty surprises down the road. Let me know what I should expect from you so we start on the same page.
I greatly encourage communication. We can talk about the story and our ideas and the various paths it could take… but we can also talk about our personal needs as the authors of said story. If life is getting crazy, don’t be afraid to speak up and ask for a hiatus. If you’re struggling to write a post, don’t be afraid to brainstorm with me. If you need a break from our roleplay and want to concentrate on others, let me know. If the roleplay would benefit from shorter posts (within reason, with you understanding that I’m part of a rare breed of honest-to-god literate roleplayers) let’s shorten the posts. Let’s make this work!
-the writing experiment-No slice of life. Ever. Remember my threats. Don’t you dare test me!
I enjoy dark things. Really dark. You’d have to try really hard to reach a level of darkness where I’m uncomfortable. I honestly don’t think it’ll ever happen, since I’ve never encountered someone that matched, much less exceeded, my level of darkness after 6 years of partners. What do I mean by darkness? Let me introduce you to some of my preferred topics.
Dystopian societies, false utopias, various psychological disorders, abuse, torture, rape, murder, twisted psychological games, survival, sci-fi, interpretations of various paranormal creatures/angels/demons, dark fantasy, slavery, various interpretations of the devil… stuff like that.
I’m a psychological writer. Character development is always my primary focus. Every story I write is to explore a character’s decent into psychological chaos and madness or their journey out of it. What they’re thinking, how they’re feeling—I heavily focus on what’s going on internally. You won’t get in depth descriptions of the surroundings or even the actions my character takes. You’ll really get to know my character though. Let me put it this way:
I won’t tell you the moon is shining or show you the glint of light on broken glass. I’ll detail how Jason is currently losing half a liter of blood due to his own stupidity—and how upset he is because that shard of glass imbedded in his heel will probably give him tetanus, an infection—or dammit, maybe even rabies.
I write in third person, but the content is what you’d expect to see in first person since it’s so focused on the character’s thoughts and emotions. I do well with other psychological/character based writers, and I do poorly with more descriptive writers that focus primarily on describing actions and surroundings. Hopefully you’ll see what I mean when you read the writing sample.
I’m not a teen anymore, so I have no desire to write about teens—and to be honest I always preferred older characters anyway. Character age ranges would usually be 18 to late 30s, or in the event of a paranormal character age is usually irreverent and not included. I ask you to adhere to this range—although if you feel strongly about it, you could convince me to make an exception. For example—if you feel the roleplay would really benefit from—er…. exploring the relationship between a sadistic 17 year old and… (shit, I need an adjective…) an ambiguous 46 year old. Yeah. I mean, you could definitely make a case for it, and to be honest I’d probably get on board. Yay, psychological turmoil!
I’m NOT all about 50 shades of grey rip-offs, though. Like I said, sexual abuse and sex in general (as a topic) is fine—but I’m not gonna graphically play-by-play the whole thing. I usually prefer to fade to black, or focus on the character’s feelings and interactions with the environment, rather than detail specific… movements. In the rare event we do decide to “show” the scene instead of skipping ahead, I generally recommend fading to black, moving to e-mail and returning when it’s done. There’s always site rules against this stuff, and I also don’t want to trigger anyone if it’s an abusive scene. Basically, for me, it’s about acknowledging it happened and exploring the affect it had on the characters. The aftermath. Not the act itself.
The above can also apply to exceedingly graphic scenes of any kind.
So… romance. A lot of my plots involve romance. Or rather, the potential for romance. It’s never the primary focus—since honestly romance by itself is dull—and I never start with the characters in love. It’s unnatural. That’s something that should happen naturally, over time. If it feels right, it happens. If it doesn’t, whatever. That’s why I shy away from plots that pre-destine a love story. I almost always allow the potential for it, though, since romance is good motivation for psychological turmoil! And we like psychological turmoil.
For a potentially romantic roleplay, I can do MxF and FxF. I greatly prefer writing males, but I am trying to practice things I’m less confident about, so I could be convinced to write one or two females with the right partner(s).
MxM: a special circumstance.
I… I don’t want to say I can’t write a romantic relationship between two guys, but… let’s just say it has a drastically different tone than the other two pairings. It’s a lot more complicated for me to write, and I don’t have much experience with it, so it’s one area of roleplaying I’m not arrogant about! It just doesn’t come naturally like other stuff does. That being said—I LOVE writing a sort of psychological romance between guys. Think Sherlock and Watson. Or Arthur and Merlin. They’re never gonna have sexy time, okay? As much as people ship them—it’s not gonna happen. But they have such an intimate relationship, they care about each other so intensely, it’s basically romance without actual romance. And then you have the awesomeness where they care so much for each other, but they don’t admit it because it violates their man code or something. But then they have a moment of vulnerability where they do admit it, and it’s the greatest thing ever.
If we do have that sort of roleplay and it feels right, I can be coerced into an actual romantic mxm. Just be aware that it isn’t my strength—so it’ll be rather different from my other stuff, and the posts may take me longer to write. Let me know at the start if you think you might want to go that direction. I’d need to mentally prepare myself.
I don’t do fandoms per se. I’ll gladly use it as inspiration, maybe even mesh a few together, but I use original characters and I don’t just throw them into the world of whatever fandom or follow the same storyline. It’s inspiration. I usually darken them up a lot. In general, I already incorporate a lot of references in my posts and stories. Those can be fun.
Oh—I usually end up being the one writing the plots. All my stories feature some sort of theme or deeper meaning… they explore the idea of something. And naturally how that something affects the characters. Redemption, relationships, isolation, guilt, coping mechanisms, justification, sadism, memory, death, traumatic events, addiction… What are the basic elements of humanity? What does it take to make someone irredeemable? Why do some people seek out abuse?
Okay, an example… Let’s say we have a roleplay and it goes something like this:
Jane is the valedictorian and Eric is a total bad boy. I mean seriously—he has gouges in his ears and a chain belt around his skinny jeans and everything. They obviously hate each other. But then they go to college and discover they’re roomates! Naturally, neither one can arrange a different living situation for a completely plausible and unimportant reason. This experience makes them have feelings for each other—so we spend the roleplay bickering and watching one make a move and the other recoil until they finally almost get together, only to have some sort of drama break them up, and then we continue the cycle because a successful romance is boring.
No. That’s…ew. We can do better. Let’s say we have one that goes like this:
Jane’s mother is a total type A control freak overachiever. She always pressures Jane to aim for perfection, and anything less is unacceptable. Because of this, Jane has excelled in everything she’s ever done, but has severe anxiety and panic attacks. Eric’s family totally sucks. His parents are irresponsible pieces of shit that only come home when they need something. He needs to support his little brother and piece of shit parents—so instead of doing well in school he works constantly and tries not to get busted for dealing drugs. Initially the two envy and hate each other—Jane wishes she had a family that didn’t care if she was a stupid delinquent, and Eric wishes he had parents that actually cared and acted like parents. Eventually they realize that they both have the same problem. The roleplay explores the idea that family can be toxic and their struggle to either cope with it or let them go. We need companionship, but it can be both healing and destructive.
Okay, that’s cliché and way too basic and slice of life for me—but it was an example, and I thought of it in like 2 minutes so cut me some slack. It’s focused on the characters, not a storyline that forces them together so they can be forced to feel a certain way. It’s not about a romance—although it has the potential for it—and it explores a complex theme. You get what I’m laying down?
Sometime in the past two years I started developing a universe. It’s kind of experimental and in beta so feel free to offer up thoughts and suggestions. It’s subject to change.
The idea is that all my roleplays can be set inside this universe. Even if they’re diverse, they’ll all be connected. I could make a few characters and follow them in different periods of their lives, in different parts of the universe, and they can enter and exit stories as need be. I can cameo characters in different roleplays, or cameo events in their history, or swap characters between roleplays, and showcase character development better than following one character in one story at one time. I can have a few different themes that the universe embodies, and it’ll show through all my different roleplays like pieces of a puzzle. We are the sum of our experiences, and we have the power to greatly affect other people and our environment. I feel like that needs to be explored. That’s the experimental part. I’m not sure how it’ll work out. Even if it doesn’t work out, I like the universe itself, and I have vague ideas about a roleplay that could involve the entire universe and focus on finding some universal truth/meaning of life sort of stuff.
On to the universe itself:
People think the universe was born of darkness. Nothingness.
It wasn’t. Light can never be created from darkness. It existed of its own accord, right alongside the swirling pitch of emptiness. The universe wasn’t born of black or white. It was born of grey. A thousand everchanging shades of grey. Particles of light and darkness mixed together. Churning. Colliding endlessly in a vast expanse. Time passed, and then it wasn’t just shades of grey. Look closely and you’d see streaks of blue in the shadows. Flecks of yellow in patches of white. Bits of green at the threshold. Spots of purple floating alongside. These are the particles of the universe. The spectrum of colors from which it was born. All it took was time. An absurd extent of time. Particles sought each other out, hunted each other down and devoured one other—gradually forming something more than just particles. An existence. A consciousness. A tangible element. And eventually… an entire world. An entire universe.
But it didn’t end there.
Time fathered another world. And another universe. And another. Each different from the last, but vast and miraculous all the same. The particles became spheres of wonder, floating alongside each other in a sea of grey. And between them were more particles, eager not to be devoured by the universe fate had placed before them. They latched on to each other—forming a gateway betwixt one universe and another. Then more came together, and they became a web. A maze connecting every universe that time had created.
~~
The particles themselves are the very fabric of existence. When they devour one other, they become a whole. One entity. They can be broken, but they’ll still be parts of what they were. This is how souls and pure elements are made. When they bind together, they’re separate entities. They can be broken apart and the parts will be different from the whole. They aren’t as stable. These compounds are what give the universe form.
There are a fixed number of particles in the universe. They can’t be created, but they can be destroyed with great difficulty. When a particle is destroyed—or shattered—the grey separates into light and darkness. This is the only source of pure light and darkness in the universe. These fragments no longer possess the ability to form a consciousness like the particles; however, particles that have formed souls can gain the ability to absorb these fragments and alter their composition. In some cases, it can alter the state of their consciousness.
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Okay. From this point on, “universe” refers to the extents of my universe, and “domain” refers to a universe within that universe—for instance, domain would refer to earth, it’s solar system, and all the other galaxies within our universe.
The universe contains several smaller domains within it, each connected by gateway worlds that aren’t as complete or consistent as the actual domains themselves. They’re arranged in more of a web than a progressive line, so it’s possible to revisit or skip domains. When a conscious being (animal, person, creature, or otherwise living thing) dies in one domain, their essence passes through a gateway world and on to another domain. There are a limited number of souls in the universe. Generally, when an essence travels to a new domain, it binds to a new form and has no memory of past experiences. It’s a recycled soul. Like reincarnation. They lose themselves and become new beings, completely unaware that any domain exists beyond their own. These beings are called transients.
If a transient being is subjected to extreme trauma, it’s possible for it to evolve into an immortal. This transformation isn’t instantaneous and occurs at various rates. Immortals retain their memories and sense of “self” after death. In late stage transformation, it’s possible for the bound particles that form the immortal’s body to fuse with those that form its soul, so they travel through the gateway worlds and universe with varying amounts of their “original” form. Because of this, immortals differ greatly in form and ability. Immortal souls are able to absorb fragments. While they can absorb both, it’s more common for them to absorb an excess of darkness. Over time immortals become cruel and unfeeling—until eventually their essence is so unrecognizable they become stranded in the gateway worlds, unable to move on. You can think of immortals as the manifestation of evil in the universe. Demons.
It’s possible, though extremely rare, for an immortal to absorb an excess of light fragments, becoming a half-breed ascendant. Like immortals, their final form and abilities are unpredictable… but they are always extremely powerful—one of few forces strong enough to shatter particles. Pure ascendants are weaker than half-breeds, but their forms and abilities are consistent. They form when a transient soul, by pure chance, absorbs light fragments without undergoing trauma. You could say they were chosen to offset the immortals. Ascendants are created in the gateway worlds of a specific world, and they’re generally gathered and educated to perform specific duties. They retain their memories—although, unlike immortals and the occasional half-breed, they can’t recall transient memories that occurred prior to their transformation. All ascendants, pure or otherwise, are able to locate and pass through gateway worlds at will. They have a much greater ability to navigate the universe.
So yeah, that’s more or less what I’ve got.
This is a pretty average post for me and it’s a good example of my writing style. I’ve used the terms “Archangel” and “God” because they’re easy to understand without any backstory, but they’re a bit inaccurate. This is based on the universe I talked about before. And this is a part of my favorite character’s life, so it’s pretty relevant even if you don’t end up doing the roleplay it’s meant for with me. I’ll likely use this character for several roleplays.
It took a few seconds to recover from his sudden heart failure. Or maybe it took a few minutes. He wasn’t exactly sure, since he was dizzy from the lack of oxygen running circles through his veins, and what little concentration he did possess was desperately trying to rid his face of a horrified expression. There wasn’t a monster behind him. It was just Alexandria. Not that it really made a difference. Actually, it did. He would’ve preferred the monster. They don’t ask for words, after all. They just hurt you physically. He could take physical pain. He had a sturdy build, after all. He could take it. But words never hurt you physically. Not on the outside, at least. They were shards of glass mixed with acid that forced its way up in a sort of emotional word vomit that left you scarred and bleeding for longer than anyone could really take. Those were words. His words. And when she announced her presence he knew it wouldn’t be long before she forced that plague on him, demanding him to speak a painful truth to somehow satisfy her. He could never satisfy her.
But he was prepared for that. Well, as prepared as he ever would be. He always knew the day would come when he’d have to answer for what he’d done. Reveal what no one had learned despite their countless attempts and roughness. It was amazing just how terrifying an army of angered archangels could be, but he’d known that before he killed their god. It was a death sentence to a living hell. A living hell in heaven. That was obvious. He knew the cost of killing that old man. The bastard had spelled it all out for him before the deed was done. But he accepted that price. He deserved to pay it. So even though there were times he was selfish and just wanted the pain to stop, and times he cringed away from the blow that approached, he would always come back to this. He would always come back to his pain. He deserved it.
He deserved to turn around and face her and do whatever it was she said. This was part of his punishment. She was just another catalyst to open old wounds. And he hated her for that. But at the same time… he was relieved that she was there. He hated this, all of it, but he felt incomplete without the agony. The older he got, the more he was starting to think that maybe it was better to live in constant pain than lie broken and bloody, paralyzed with a sort of numb emptiness that just feels worse than anything. Maybe it was better this way. Maybe the pain was worth it if he wasn’t completely alone. So as she spoke her words, her insults, and finally demanded the rest of the story, all he could do was stand silently, preparing for the oncoming horror that was always guaranteed, because he knew that even this was better than wandering around aimlessly with only his thoughts to destroy him. It would be over faster if others shattered him. It would be so much easier. So much faster. All he had to do was stop resisting the siege and open the gates. He just had to start handing out weapons for everyone to stab him with.
If only it wasn’t so hard to do that. Admitting what happened was like taking a blade and sawing off his tongue. It isn’t easy to do that to yourself. He just—he couldn’t do it. But he had no choice. The reality of that became gruesomely apparent when her guards seized him. Removed him from the safety of his chains and dragged him into that horrible room—carelessly hauled him into that horrific place—where she perched just like a goddess on her judgmental couch ready to break him more than her father ever did. Why did he have to answer in the throne room? He preferred the cell. They were on equal footing down there. He could’ve said it if she treated him more like an equal. If she got down on his level instead of gazing down at him like he was a wayward child or some feral beast. Why was she reminding him what he really was?
He kept resolving to stutter through it as steadily as he could, to figure out a way to force himself to say it, to give his master what she wanted and what he ultimately needed, but it… it was just so hard. He kept thinking about it and then he was seeing it and then hearing her screaming and pleading and crying and then he felt the fire on his hands and in his throat and smelled the blood dripping down and it was just too much—he had to forget it all, he had to forget but he couldn’t and he knew it. He could never escape. He could never be anything but wretched ever again. And that terrified him, but it also disgusted him. He hated himself for being so unable to just accept his suffering. He just wanted to stop wishing he could escape.
As the world came back into focus, and he stood there breathing heavily with distorted eyes aimed firmly at the floor, he heard his master say the one thing he never thought she would. He heard her words—smooth and easy, so dissimilar to his own—purring falsehoods… trying to manipulate him. Trying to get him to admit the truth. Her truth. What she wanted to hear. He heard her say that he could be forgiven. He could be forgiven. And it was at that moment that all the agony and dread he’d felt dissipated into nothingness. It was completely evaporated by the heat of sudden and unequaled anger.
Forgiven. Forgiven. She said he could be forgiven. How could anyone dare to throw that word at him? It didn’t matter how much of a lie it was. Actually, the fact that it was a lie made it even worse. That word was forbidden to him. He had no right to even begin to think about the possibility of ending his suffering and being… forgiven. So why the hell was she voicing this nonsense about forgiveness? If he couldn’t forgive himself—if he felt like there was no chance for him to ever remotely accept himself again—there was no one in this universe that could possibly have the right to do it for him. That word carried so much weight. He couldn’t believe that she would release it so carelessly. So easily. She was a monster.
It physically hurt him to stand there, baring his teeth against the hurricane that had been raging for all these years, trying to keep it from ripping its way out into the open. It really hurt. And he was so exasperated, with her and himself and everything, that for a moment he snapped, and the reinforced iron door he couldn’t bring himself to open cracked. He eyed her with an intensity that matched her own, but while her gaze was a calm, focused dagger that pierced holes through everything it touched, his was a pack of wild dogs that hungrily shredded without regard or mercy. Because that’s what he was. A savage dog that had bitten all his masters.
“You wanna know everything, do you? Well that’s really too bad. I refuse to accommodate a haughty brat that throws empty lies like forgiveness around to get what she wants. You’re a god now, Anna. A fucking god. You’ve got to get your shit together and start acting like it. Billions of people are depending on you now, and you’re just—“ he took a moment to throw a hand in the air, frustrated that he couldn’t find the right words to explain what he saw, “You’re just like the rest of ‘em. I can already see you’ve inherited his flaws. Except you’re young and you’re stupid, so you don’t know how to hide them like he did.”
Roughly two seconds passed before he realized that he’d just reprimanded his master—and called her stupid, on top of that—and that she was actually a god now so it was a pretty ill-advised thing to do. He only partially cared, though. He had stood up to her father countless times, spewing blunt and heated rants just like this one, and as a master he was much scarier than his daughter. It’s true it didn’t end well in the long run, but he figured he’d probably get away with yelling at each deity a few times before it came back to really bite him.
Still, Alexandria was terrifying in her own right. And—in his experience—she was much more intolerant. It would probably be best to say something to diffuse the situation. Preferably before she reacted and his anger completely left him, leaving the despair to take hold once again and weaken his resolve. “All that aside,” he added swiftly, “I do owe you a better answer to your question…”
So that’s it. Anyone interested?
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I don't have time to bleed. ONE MORE SACRIFICE and up to fifteen minutes according to the little ten message blurb.
