Advice/Help Show, Don't Tell

[ChoShadow]

Some of you have heard of this phrase before, but some of you probably haven't.

So for those who haven't heard it before, what do you think it means?

Well to put it simply, it means to write visually instead of descriptively. Yes, your visual writing is descriptive in nature. But at the same time there's a difference between visual descriptions and descriptions for description's sake.

Allow me to demonstrate the difference between an example that utilizes "Show, Don't Tell" and one which does not. Can you tell which is which?

The following two examples

1) Sally, age 7, stood alone in her back yard gazing sadly at Lucy's empty doghouse. She tightly held Lucy's old leash while her parents watched and wept from the doorway for their daughter's emotional suffering.

2) With hair kissed by the breeze and tears dripping down her cheeks, a girl no more than seven years of age stood silent and still in the solitude of her back yard. Beneath her feet the grass swept lazily in the wind accompanied by the sounds of the wind chimes clanking and bumping into one another. Clutched tight to her breast was a leash, and at the end of the leash was a collar. Hanging from the collar was a tag gently swaying too and fro upon which sat a single word: Lucy. Blinking away her tears and sniffling against the hitches in her breath, she stared at the empty wooden structure upon which the word Lucy again stared back at her. She extended a hand, placing it upon the carving of a dog's paw just below the name.

From the doorway to their home, her parents watched and wept silently. Her mother buried her face into her husband's loving shoulder as his arm draped around her waist and held her close. In his free hand he held an old and well worn "Lost Dog" flyer with a picture of a beautiful German Shepherd with the tag "Lucy" shining around her neck.


So, which of the two was using "Show, Don't Tell?"

If you guessed Example #2, you are correct.

Example #1 is not using "Show, Don't Tell." It's jumping to the point and describing everything as fast as possible and taking away the finer details found within the otherwise heart wrenching scene. If you read the first example in a novel, you'd likely continue reading without a second thought whereas the second example is more likely to tug at your heart strings. Is it not?

"Show, Don't Tell" is an incredibly powerful tool for any creative writer, role-players especially because what we do is visual story telling. Everything we write it about a visual in our heads that we are trying to share with others. The more you think in terms of "Show, Don't Tell," the more successful you'll be in sharing that vision with those you role-play with.

Thank you for reading!

~ ChoShadow

 

[Breech Loader]

Reading number 2 actually makes me slightly nauseous. It's so... wordy. Worst of all, it doesn't make me see anything the first version didn't. True, there's all this about the leash and the dog-paw, but number two... Sure, it's descriptive, but how descriptive do you need to be? My opinion is that writers put too much stock on description. Like they've got to be constantly describing everything. I'm not saying you should never show. I'm saying there's a time and a place for everything.

I leave it to my readers - not entirely to them, I swear - to use their imaginations and delve deeply. This is one of the earliest introductions:

"As the prison bus was waved through the gate, Travis Tard studied the chain-link fences it passed. It had warning signs in multiple languages about electrification. He deserved to be brought to this place. He hadn’t proclaimed any innocence in court, because when you could make a guy’s head explode with your mind… well, the world was probably safer and better off with him here, where fate had brought him ready to take the next step of his journey.

Travis was the youngest here, tall in a ‘stretched’ kind of way, with white hair and amber eyes and to be frank, looked like an absolute Twink, even though he had no reason to know that. But he might as well have been wearing Old Navy and flip-flops.

None of that here though. It was a sea of grey; cheap travel jumpsuits everywhere he looked, and a chain to link them all together. Some of the men were jangling their cuffs, but most were staring out of the windows, or had vacant expressions on their faces. Most of them looked human, but there was at least one other who might be a Meta-human like him; a man with blond hair that nonetheless had a stark white streak through it, and blue eyes – blue like the bright morning sky. He was maybe in his late 20s, and looked as if he was headed into an amusement park. When he realised Travis was looking at him, he gave him a cheery grin and a thumbs-up. Travis looked away quickly."

Is that show or tell? I only know it's one of the first things my readers will read, and that means they must want to read more.

 

[Idea]

Reading number 2 actually makes me slightly nauseous. It's so... wordy. Worst of all, it doesn't make me see anything the first version didn't. True, there's all this about the leash and the dog-paw, but number two... Sure, it's descriptive, but how descriptive do you need to be? My opinion is that writers put too much stock on description. Like they've got to be constantly describing everything. I'm not saying you should never show. I'm saying there's a time and a place for everything.

What the additional descriptiveness can add is atmosphere and immersion. You are presented the scene, and allowed through the description to have a taste of the emotional intake for the character. Sure, maybe there isn't more information to communicate, but for many a post that only seeks to communicate the information, rather than providing the experience, is just a bland post.

Now, you are right that there are times when it's better to tell than to show, though I imagine we disagree on the frequency of those times (and neither was, by the way, the OP suggesting you should always go for the show). I also would argue that showing the fact is always better than telling, and that times when you should use the tell method over the show method arise not from telling being better, but because of secondary factors that would otherwise be hindered.

Now I will say I do disagree with ChoShadow in one respect. While in most cases the "show" is visual, this doesn't always have to be case. Even ignoring the rest of the five sentences, sometimes the show can be, for instance structural or grammatical, like using repetition to show obsession, fear or nervousism. Vocabulary choice, and habits established throughout the story (like, say, catchphrases) can also be examples to show things about the character without this being visual.

 

[Breech Loader]

I guess I feel like when a moment is frantic (I'm currently dealing with a riot scene) you mustn't slow it down with Show. You should keep your readers moving as fast as your characters, try and get their hearts pumping. When things slow down (there will be a death) THEN you skip to showing the absolute biscuits out of things. If you show all the time, it loses its effect when you want somebody to burst into tears over an emotional last few minutes.

On the bus, Travis has plenty of time to observe and contemplate his fate. But then he gets that cheery thumbs up from a guy and... looks away quickly.

 

[MDL]

I disagree with the main point of the post that show don't tell is the absolute preferable technique to use in all situations, sentences and so forth. There are plenty of successful writers that are renowned the world over who write nothing like example 2. Now there are also writers who are incredibly descriptive who are equally successful and renowned. It's less about absolutes and more about developing personal style.

It's also what you chose to focus on in a chapter or post. You could follow example one with further brief descriptions of other things in the environment that don't necessarily have to go into painstaking detail about every little aspect of the scene. Or you could do that. But to encourage people that one technique is wrong and the other is right I take issue with.

 

[Idea]

I disagree with the main point of the post that show don't tell is the absolute preferable technique to use in all situations, sentences and so forth. There are plenty of successful writers that are renowned the world over who write nothing like example 2. Now there are also writers who are incredibly descriptive who are equally successful and renowned. It's less about absolutes and more about developing personal style.

It's also what you chose to focus on in a chapter or post. You could follow example one with further brief descriptions of other things in the environment that don't necessarily have to go into painstaking detail about every little aspect of the scene. Or you could do that. But to encourage people that one technique is wrong and the other is right I take issue with.

If that's the case, I really don't think you disagree with OP, because the OP didn't actually say what you seem to be suggesting the OP said. They didn't say you should be using show don't tell all the time, they just tried showing what it was and how it was done (whether they did so successfully or otherwise is up for debate, but they didn't push for it's universal use. Most they did was say that show don't tell is very useful/powerful tool)

 

[MDL]

If that's the case, I really don't think you disagree with OP, because the OP didn't actually say what you seem to be suggesting the OP said. They didn't say you should be using show don't tell all the time, they just tried showing what it was and how it was done (whether they did so successfully or otherwise is up for debate, but they didn't push for it's universal use. Most they did was say that show don't tell is very useful/powerful tool)

I think you should read the post again. It clearly says that example 1 is not using show not tell and it's implied that it's the inferior example. Example 2 is just word-salad, which is all too common in text-based RP.

 

[Breech Loader]

When you say 'Show don't tell is very useful' you are ultimately saying that 'telling' is inferior. How inferior, is not specified. It is a good thing to know how to do it (so that your story is not entirely telling). It should not be considered as something you need to do.

However I really feel like when somebody compares a show-don't-tell excerpts, they never compare good telling to good showing. They always compare bad (or minimalist) telling to 'good' showing.

 

[MDL]

However I really feel like when somebody compares a show-don't-tell excerpts, they never compare good telling to good showing. They always compare bad (or minimalist) telling to 'good' showing.

Damn. Big true.

 

[Idea]

I guess I feel like when a moment is frantic (I'm currently dealing with a riot scene) you mustn't slow it down with Show. You should keep your readers moving as fast as your characters, try and get their hearts pumping. When things slow down (there will be a death) THEN you skip to showing the absolute biscuits out of things. If you show all the time, it loses its effect when you want somebody to burst into tears over an emotional last few minutes.

I disagree with this on two levels:

1st, I would actually argue you don't need to "slow down" for showing rather than telling. Using the stated example, a frantic moment, you can have that and still keep in line with the rule. Rather than jumping just action to action, you jump moment to moment. Keep the sentences descriptive but short. Make good use of exclamation marks, capital letters, the sense of unknown etc... I'd argue trying to convey the character's mental and emotional state through the writing will be a whole more exciting than the equivalent of a history text book or a summary.

Spoiler: Tell Example

There was an explosion. A car flipped into the air, but X continued his sprint down the street. A street crowded with rioteers and victims caught in between the destruction. It pained him, but he couldn't stop. He had to get there, to safety. Someone swinged a fist by his side. He dodged it expertly but didn't bother swinging back, he was in a hurry and afraid of what might happen if he delayed.

Spoiler: Show Example

BOOM!! His eyes widened at the flying, burning car. X continued his sprint. Run! There were screams all around. Run! He felt a shard of glass cut his feet. Run! A woman was shielding her child from a metal bat. X grabbed his chest. Run! He went past the woman, apologizing internally, not bothering to look back at-

FWOOSH, X felt his own body almost pulling him back and a fist passing right were his face would have been otherwise. He didn't look at it twice, kept running. Run! Run! More fists. More people. What if he didn't get there? More crying. What if he wasn't fast enough? More screams. What would happen to Y? A kick that almost raised him.

"Y!" He screamed, unsure of it being with his inner or his outter voice.

Well, those contextless examples may not be the best, but I tried my best to be fair. Regardless, I would much rather something with the second example, something that really allows me to dive into the experience of it, rather than something that merely reports it to me.


The other level regards the "loss of emotional effect". If you've been doing the show don't tell or even the descriptiveness up until that point well, you will not need to rely on having a sobby extra descriptive moment in the narrative. The saddest moments are those resulting from familiarity and build up, those carefully crafted and gradually ingrained as you learn and understand more of a character, form a connection with them, and then find yourself robbed of that connection or see that connection being hurt, or the opposite, maybe you cry tears of joy at their success. But that is born out of the connection you've built with the character. Descriptiveness and show don't tell help attain that intimacy.

I think you should read the post again. It clearly says that example 1 is not using show not tell and it's implied that it's the inferior example. Example 2 is just word-salad, which is all too common in text-based RP.

But showing 1 example where one member of a category is inferior to another, doesn't mean it applies universally to both categories.

When you say 'Show don't tell is very useful' you are ultimately saying that 'telling' is inferior. How inferior, is not specified. It is a good thing to know how to do it (so that your story is not entirely telling). It should not be considered as something you need to do.

That's a pretty fallacious train of thought. Commenting on the positives of one thing does not imply negatives for another, nor necessarily a ranking.

However I really feel like when somebody compares a show-don't-tell excerpts, they never compare good telling to good showing. They always compare bad (or minimalist) telling to 'good' showing.

Well, yeah, it's common sense to pick examples that clearly show one's point, even if that example may not be the most common. An example isn't proof of anything, it's just a matter of clarity.

That said, while on the bad the examples may not be representative, I would say on the "minimalism" aspect by nature and definition of"telling" it is. Now, I do get the feeling we may be approaching this with different criteria for what "telling" and "showing" is, as I find "telling" to mean "communcating the aspect in question directly" and "showing" to be "communicating it through context clues".

So, if I may ask, how would you define the terms? Or do you agree with the defintion provided by myself or the OP?

 

[MDL]

But showing 1 example where one member of a category is inferior to another, doesn't mean it applies universally to both categories.

No you're right, that's not what it means. But it was implied in the post, which is what I responded to. You have a healthier perspective on it in your follow-ups, which is why I don't take issue with your stance.

 

[Idea]

No you're right, that's not what it means. But it was implied in the post, which is what I responded to. You have a healthier perspective on it in your follow-ups, which is why I don't take issue with your stance.

I really don't think it's implied, and it's most certainly not written. Then again, I can really only argue for what is written. Only ChoShadow can tell you what he was trying to imply.

 

[MDL]

I really don't think it's implied, and it's most certainly not written. Then again, I can really only argue for what is written. Only @ChoShadow can tell you what he was trying to imply.

I'm not going to directly quote the OP just to argue something that is so painstakingly obvious.