Kazu
The Forgettor
I don't know... how to exactly start this. But now that I'm starting to type, I might as well begin my rambles. First off, the most important thing here that I went to send the message to everyone who reads is:
Thank you.
One year from today, October 7th, I signed up for this site. I didn't know what I was getting into - all I really cared for at the time was a way to talk to my then only friend that was on this site, Salt Lord. I've previously mentioned before that the two of us have a long friendship. All the way to 2014. Rough things had happened from 2014-2016, and we had recently patched up our friendship again, for what feels to be the billionth time.
I didn't use this site a lot during my first several months. I was nervous, timid, and felt extremely lonely at times. Seeing everyone making status messages to-and-fro, happily chatting away in OOCs, casually asking to roleplay, it was overwhelming.
I hail from a group of friends from Skype, all tightly knitted together; the majority I also knew from 2014. We all talked about RPs we were making beforehand and having known each other for some time, you could easily just tell someone "Sounds interesting! I'd join that" and that'd be the end of you asking to join. You didn't have to worry about others judging your character sheets, being jealous of someone's skill with BBCode/HTML. Practically everyone knew each other's roleplaying experience and skill and usually knew what to expect from you.
It was a tough change to suddenly throw myself into this seemingly professional site. I was used to such a casual setting, it was honestly terrifying at times.
Why am I telling you about this roleplaying group? Well, you can thank them for making them bring me here. For having me stay as long as I did, giving me the chance to make more friends.
Things went wrong after I met a certain member of this roleplaying group, one of the few people I didn't know. Let's call them R. R and I hit things off well, until a big dispute happened around Christmas of 2015. I don't even remember how the fight happened or what it was about, but it felt like a huge bomb had just been set off.
People were refusing to talk to others, some talked crap behind another's back,and the roleplaying all ceased due to it.
I was now good friends with R, and they were one of the big reasons why this fight happened. I asked if things would get better, and they replied with an "I don't know", before continuing on to tell me about how insecure they are. They continually asked me, and even after the fight happened, if everyone in the group hated them. I, being the positive person I was, continually tried to encourage them that no, they weren't hated. It was just a rough time for the group right now.
Well, that was one of my first of many bad decisions in my life.
I found out later that they were also depressed and highly anxious. I tried to help them by explaining how their life is precious and all that, their family loved them, blablabla... Well, that gave them the "green" sign that this was a person they could dump all their troubles to.
I was, and still am, a very "yes" person. I try to help balance out any heavy troubles people are facing, even if it means having them completely hand over their stress and crud to me. I pitied R, though I never admitted it since they had expressed to me several times not to "pity" them. Because pity meant not true friendship to them.
I stressed out because of them. I cried because of everything. They were, looking back on it now, a huge troublemaker to the group. They were constantly negative, constantly complaining to me and lowkey insulting everyone, be it behind their backs or in their faces.
"So-and-so is being so petty!"
"Honestly, I hate it when so-and-so roleplays with this-and-that character."
I continued supporting R, watching everything I loved about the group fall to ashes. Even now, I can see what's been left behind by them. It isn't pretty.
Fast forward to 2016. Things have been falling apart fast. Several members want to leave, but stay simply for the friends. R had been slowly but steadily getting worse. They never listened to me when I suggested telling their family about all the stuff they had told me.
"They won't listen to me" was their constant excuse.
I'm amazed at my own patience when I remember dealing with them. They continued to drop more and more depression and shit bombs, and I was left struggling trying to clean up what was the rubble. No amount of positive words, encouragement, or even just being nice to them would change their ways.
They realized around May that I wanted out. After all, even the most patient person will lose it. I may have been patient, but I really was an idiot. They asked me, every day:
"Are you going to leave me like everyone else did? Don't lie to me."
They were anxious. Asked me a lot to call them through Skype and when I did, they wanted to talk with the cam on. Everyone knew that I was really uncomfortable doing that and respected my privacy, but after awhile R just got... too used to me. I guess to sum it all up, they were just selfishly using me to find an outlet of their suicidal feelings.
But they knew sooner or later I'd leave, and then they'd have to bottle everything up again - and so, the bullying began. It gives me shivers even remembering it, so I won't touch upon that. But because of the bullying, because of the cesspool that was called this roleplaying group, with all the arguments, fights, and grudges - I ran to RpNation.
I was hurting.
A lot.
From both the Internet and real life.
I had my own troubles I kept to the depths of my mind safely hidden, but away from all the unhappiness RpNation was truly my "savior". If my friends from my personal roleplaying group saw how hyper I was here, how random and how obsessed with gifs I am, they'd ask if I even sent the right link to my account. So much has changed, and RpNation really changed me for the better. I don't find myself depressed as much as I used to. No longer as much stressed. Before RpN, I used to have a heck of a ton of suicidal thoughts. Dealing with severely depressed people like R really do stuff to you.
I gained confidence too. At first, my happy-go-lucky self was just a fake. It was hard at times to act cheerful, but I managed and I've truly grown into this cheery version of myself - it's not fake anymore. And it's all thanks to the people here.
It's because of everyone here, that I am here.
And for that...
Thank you.
Thank you.
One year from today, October 7th, I signed up for this site. I didn't know what I was getting into - all I really cared for at the time was a way to talk to my then only friend that was on this site, Salt Lord. I've previously mentioned before that the two of us have a long friendship. All the way to 2014. Rough things had happened from 2014-2016, and we had recently patched up our friendship again, for what feels to be the billionth time.
I didn't use this site a lot during my first several months. I was nervous, timid, and felt extremely lonely at times. Seeing everyone making status messages to-and-fro, happily chatting away in OOCs, casually asking to roleplay, it was overwhelming.
I hail from a group of friends from Skype, all tightly knitted together; the majority I also knew from 2014. We all talked about RPs we were making beforehand and having known each other for some time, you could easily just tell someone "Sounds interesting! I'd join that" and that'd be the end of you asking to join. You didn't have to worry about others judging your character sheets, being jealous of someone's skill with BBCode/HTML. Practically everyone knew each other's roleplaying experience and skill and usually knew what to expect from you.
It was a tough change to suddenly throw myself into this seemingly professional site. I was used to such a casual setting, it was honestly terrifying at times.
Why am I telling you about this roleplaying group? Well, you can thank them for making them bring me here. For having me stay as long as I did, giving me the chance to make more friends.
Things went wrong after I met a certain member of this roleplaying group, one of the few people I didn't know. Let's call them R. R and I hit things off well, until a big dispute happened around Christmas of 2015. I don't even remember how the fight happened or what it was about, but it felt like a huge bomb had just been set off.
People were refusing to talk to others, some talked crap behind another's back,and the roleplaying all ceased due to it.
I was now good friends with R, and they were one of the big reasons why this fight happened. I asked if things would get better, and they replied with an "I don't know", before continuing on to tell me about how insecure they are. They continually asked me, and even after the fight happened, if everyone in the group hated them. I, being the positive person I was, continually tried to encourage them that no, they weren't hated. It was just a rough time for the group right now.
Well, that was one of my first of many bad decisions in my life.
I found out later that they were also depressed and highly anxious. I tried to help them by explaining how their life is precious and all that, their family loved them, blablabla... Well, that gave them the "green" sign that this was a person they could dump all their troubles to.
I was, and still am, a very "yes" person. I try to help balance out any heavy troubles people are facing, even if it means having them completely hand over their stress and crud to me. I pitied R, though I never admitted it since they had expressed to me several times not to "pity" them. Because pity meant not true friendship to them.
I stressed out because of them. I cried because of everything. They were, looking back on it now, a huge troublemaker to the group. They were constantly negative, constantly complaining to me and lowkey insulting everyone, be it behind their backs or in their faces.
"So-and-so is being so petty!"
"Honestly, I hate it when so-and-so roleplays with this-and-that character."
I continued supporting R, watching everything I loved about the group fall to ashes. Even now, I can see what's been left behind by them. It isn't pretty.
Fast forward to 2016. Things have been falling apart fast. Several members want to leave, but stay simply for the friends. R had been slowly but steadily getting worse. They never listened to me when I suggested telling their family about all the stuff they had told me.
"They won't listen to me" was their constant excuse.
I'm amazed at my own patience when I remember dealing with them. They continued to drop more and more depression and shit bombs, and I was left struggling trying to clean up what was the rubble. No amount of positive words, encouragement, or even just being nice to them would change their ways.
They realized around May that I wanted out. After all, even the most patient person will lose it. I may have been patient, but I really was an idiot. They asked me, every day:
"Are you going to leave me like everyone else did? Don't lie to me."
They were anxious. Asked me a lot to call them through Skype and when I did, they wanted to talk with the cam on. Everyone knew that I was really uncomfortable doing that and respected my privacy, but after awhile R just got... too used to me. I guess to sum it all up, they were just selfishly using me to find an outlet of their suicidal feelings.
But they knew sooner or later I'd leave, and then they'd have to bottle everything up again - and so, the bullying began. It gives me shivers even remembering it, so I won't touch upon that. But because of the bullying, because of the cesspool that was called this roleplaying group, with all the arguments, fights, and grudges - I ran to RpNation.
I was hurting.
A lot.
From both the Internet and real life.
I had my own troubles I kept to the depths of my mind safely hidden, but away from all the unhappiness RpNation was truly my "savior". If my friends from my personal roleplaying group saw how hyper I was here, how random and how obsessed with gifs I am, they'd ask if I even sent the right link to my account. So much has changed, and RpNation really changed me for the better. I don't find myself depressed as much as I used to. No longer as much stressed. Before RpN, I used to have a heck of a ton of suicidal thoughts. Dealing with severely depressed people like R really do stuff to you.
I gained confidence too. At first, my happy-go-lucky self was just a fake. It was hard at times to act cheerful, but I managed and I've truly grown into this cheery version of myself - it's not fake anymore. And it's all thanks to the people here.
It's because of everyone here, that I am here.
And for that...
Thank you.
Last edited by a moderator:
/ Precious Ambie
Don't forget to smile
