TripleThreatGay
I'm the guy you call "forced diversity"
It feels odd, even all these months later. To look at Lennox and recognize to himself, yes, that is his lover. It's long past being odd to think of Lennox as an ally, but somehow it's still strange to think that they have become lovers all the same.
Saerys wonders, absently, if it is the same for Lennox. If, when the former cult leader looks at him, he sometimes has to remind himself that they are not enemies, nor are they simply allies - but they are lovers.
Sitting in this field of flowers, Saerys lets the words fall from his lips, unbidden. "It feels strange, sometimes, to think that I am in love with you."
Lennox doesn't even blink.
"I cannot blame you. I often find myself recounting the steps, the actions that were taken that led us to such a relationship," he says, staring down at the food Solaire had packed them. "No matter how many times I do so, however, it feels as though I'm imagining it. As though I made a mistake somewhere, or missed something. It does not make sense."
"We once tried to kill each other."
The words have weight. Weight that they have tried to ignore, but it is a weight nonetheless. It is one that they both know exists.
"Yes. We did," Lennox agrees.
Can they truly claim to be in love, knowing this? Knowing that their past was so full of hate and violence - not just against their allies (former allies in Lennox's case) but against each other?
Saerys thinks intently, staring down at the blanket's checkered pattern.
"...Len," he speaks, tentative, the nickname just as strange as their entire relationship. So he starts again, "Lennox, you started out as a mole. You weren't really going to join us at first, you just wanted to feed information to... Her."
Lennox doesn't deny it, and simply watches Saerys.
"What made you become a genuine ally?"
Lennox hesitates. "...You saved my life."
Saerys lifts his mismatched eyes, to see that Lennox is now the one examining their picnic blanket.
"In one battle, I remember that... You saved my life. Or you thought you were, rather. Her soldiers at the time, they were under orders not to kill me - just wound me, if they needed to. But you didn't realize, and you stepped between me and one blow... And I remember. I remember looking down at your wounded body, and... Seeing red."
"That was the blood," Saerys says. He can't resist the joke.
Lennox nudges him, a smile tugging at his lips. "You know what I mean. I killed that soldier, you know. I knew you weren't dead - it wasn't a killing blow when aimed at me, so how could it be for you? But I still... I killed him. For hurting you. I had grown to care for you, somehow, without realizing until that moment."
"So it was not that I saved your life that drew you to join our cause?"
"No. I mean, yes, but... It was that it made me realize how deeply I had grown to care for you. It sickened me, seeing you hurt like that, and I thought... I thought, if I knew you weren't dead and still reacted like that, how might I react when you truly died, whether at the hands of the Witch Queen or at one of her soldiers?" Lennox sighs, shaky.
Saerys is silent for a long moment.
"Is that enough to build a relationship on?" he finally asks. "When the previous foundation is... Hatred?"
Lennox does not respond for a moment, and then, "Is this your way," he says, "of asking to break up?"
The pang that shoots through Saerys's heart is painful enough that he immediately says, "No."
Lennox's eyes shine with relief as he asks, "Then what is your goal here, my darling little fire? Why bring this up?"
"It... Was on my mind. How odd this is. I think that if someone had told me, years ago, that we would be in this sort of relationship, I..."
"You likely would have punched them in the face, no?"
Saerys chuckles, a weak smile on his lips. "Yes, something like that."
"Better than I, who would have stabbed them."
Saerys actually laughs at that, covering his mouth so as not to scare the wildlife. "You would," he agrees.
Lennox's eyes are soft as he gazes at Saerys, and he leans against the demon, giving a soft sigh. "I do not regret being with you, love. You know this, do you not?"
"Of course," Saerys agrees. "Nor do I. I just..." He sighs. "Forgive me. Perhaps I should not think about such things as this."
It is strange, yes. But he loves Lennox dearly, now. He does.
Saerys wonders, absently, if it is the same for Lennox. If, when the former cult leader looks at him, he sometimes has to remind himself that they are not enemies, nor are they simply allies - but they are lovers.
Sitting in this field of flowers, Saerys lets the words fall from his lips, unbidden. "It feels strange, sometimes, to think that I am in love with you."
Lennox doesn't even blink.
"I cannot blame you. I often find myself recounting the steps, the actions that were taken that led us to such a relationship," he says, staring down at the food Solaire had packed them. "No matter how many times I do so, however, it feels as though I'm imagining it. As though I made a mistake somewhere, or missed something. It does not make sense."
"We once tried to kill each other."
The words have weight. Weight that they have tried to ignore, but it is a weight nonetheless. It is one that they both know exists.
"Yes. We did," Lennox agrees.
Can they truly claim to be in love, knowing this? Knowing that their past was so full of hate and violence - not just against their allies (former allies in Lennox's case) but against each other?
Saerys thinks intently, staring down at the blanket's checkered pattern.
"...Len," he speaks, tentative, the nickname just as strange as their entire relationship. So he starts again, "Lennox, you started out as a mole. You weren't really going to join us at first, you just wanted to feed information to... Her."
Lennox doesn't deny it, and simply watches Saerys.
"What made you become a genuine ally?"
Lennox hesitates. "...You saved my life."
Saerys lifts his mismatched eyes, to see that Lennox is now the one examining their picnic blanket.
"In one battle, I remember that... You saved my life. Or you thought you were, rather. Her soldiers at the time, they were under orders not to kill me - just wound me, if they needed to. But you didn't realize, and you stepped between me and one blow... And I remember. I remember looking down at your wounded body, and... Seeing red."
"That was the blood," Saerys says. He can't resist the joke.
Lennox nudges him, a smile tugging at his lips. "You know what I mean. I killed that soldier, you know. I knew you weren't dead - it wasn't a killing blow when aimed at me, so how could it be for you? But I still... I killed him. For hurting you. I had grown to care for you, somehow, without realizing until that moment."
"So it was not that I saved your life that drew you to join our cause?"
"No. I mean, yes, but... It was that it made me realize how deeply I had grown to care for you. It sickened me, seeing you hurt like that, and I thought... I thought, if I knew you weren't dead and still reacted like that, how might I react when you truly died, whether at the hands of the Witch Queen or at one of her soldiers?" Lennox sighs, shaky.
Saerys is silent for a long moment.
"Is that enough to build a relationship on?" he finally asks. "When the previous foundation is... Hatred?"
Lennox does not respond for a moment, and then, "Is this your way," he says, "of asking to break up?"
The pang that shoots through Saerys's heart is painful enough that he immediately says, "No."
Lennox's eyes shine with relief as he asks, "Then what is your goal here, my darling little fire? Why bring this up?"
"It... Was on my mind. How odd this is. I think that if someone had told me, years ago, that we would be in this sort of relationship, I..."
"You likely would have punched them in the face, no?"
Saerys chuckles, a weak smile on his lips. "Yes, something like that."
"Better than I, who would have stabbed them."
Saerys actually laughs at that, covering his mouth so as not to scare the wildlife. "You would," he agrees.
Lennox's eyes are soft as he gazes at Saerys, and he leans against the demon, giving a soft sigh. "I do not regret being with you, love. You know this, do you not?"
"Of course," Saerys agrees. "Nor do I. I just..." He sighs. "Forgive me. Perhaps I should not think about such things as this."
It is strange, yes. But he loves Lennox dearly, now. He does.
