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Advice/Help I think my writing is bad and I need some help.

Auda

Never try. Never fail.
If you're reading this post I'm guessing you already know my problem. I've considered myself as an above-average writer my whole life. I've written a lot of things (not necessarily in this website or rp) that people considered good and it gave younger me a boost in confidence which is nice if you're a beginner and just started writing. The thing is that this has been going for all of my teenage years and I'm ashamed to even say this, but the compliments that has been continuously accumulating through the years made my head too big. With that out of the way, let's fast-forward to the present. As you can see on my profile, I'm new in this website. And in my month-long stay, I've been a part of a handful of role-plays and as time progressed, I start to notice that my writing is just bad. I find myself hesitant on posting so I usually triple check my posts for mistakes such as capitalization, grammar, punctuation, etc. I also suck at making character sheets in the sense that most of my OC's are cookie cutters and are just bland. (wHerEs tHe fLavOuR?)

All of this lead me to believe that I'm one of the reason why most of the rp's I've joined are starting to die. I can't stand ruining the rp experience of my group because of my mediocre work and I would like to improve it so here I am, asking for advice and tips on how to improve my writing.

I can also link some of the rp's I've been in so y'all can have a more solid foundation of what my writing is like.

If you're still reading this I'd like to thank you for taking the time to help me and I hope you have a good day/evening/night/whatever! :)
 

Kazami42

Budget Morpheus, soldier #1,128,300 reporting in.
Well first if you would be fine, is if you could provide any kind of example. IE out of any, what you think is better than the rest. This could be used as a foundation for building upon and enhancement. [Of course I'll be sleeping soon, so will probably not immediately respond. Maybe someone else would also try helping in that time too.] Other than that, all I can currently suggest is the following:

For OCs they are generally a case to case basis per person. So a singular format could be limiting to one, yet generous to another. I assume personality is one of the bigger notes here. I would suggest rather than writing names of traits, that like a biography, you could try experimenting with writing out the personality. This would allow you to detail the extents of the character's interaction with the world and others easier. As the normal form can be viewed as the extreme of the traits. Like listing happy and meaning a more average level, but someone could assume it means psychotically happy.

You could also try creating a character built upon a template. Essentially creating a limited set of main strengths and weaknesses, any abilities and powers, and then make a character based on that. Following this, you could then alter the template itself. A example would be someone deathly allergic to broccoli in higher quantities, but in smaller levels of exposure it could regenerate most of their varying injuries slowly. Kind of a bad example but the best I got at five AM.

You could also try testing the fusions of various existing concepts to create a relatively unique character. Or for another, flipping race stereotypes like if you RP in more fantasy focused setting. Elves for example are considered in extreme as "Hippy tree loving bow douches", or dwarves as "small battleaxe wielding, bearded mountain dwellers". Then you could create a Elf that is into poetry, warfare, and sword wielding. Or a Dwarven missionary that has a English accent, uses a crossbow, and is an excellent singer. Albeit the elitists will hate on it, but nobody cared about those trashy RP "gangsters" anyway.
 

Grey

Dialectical Hermeticist
You are almost certainly not responsible for RPs you're in dying - statistically, most of them don't make it very far, and the 'quality' of posts is not a predictor of success.

My main advice for better writing is always in two parts.
1. Read more.
2. Write more.

That's really all there is to it. You learn a lot about writing from reading largely without noticing it, and you can feel yourself learning through practice.
After that, it's just a matter of time.
 

Crayons

Iconoclast
This is absolutely the Dunning Kruger effect at work. Your ability to evaluate your skill has outpaced your actual skill. As you improve to reach your new standards, it will level out again and you'll be able to appreciate your own writing. Until the next time at least.

Also, going to second Grey's advice. Keep reading and writing. You've also got to a point where you recognise your flaws, and that is a good thing, because without that you will never improve. Try to tackle each part you feel less confident in separately. "My grammar is bad" -> get Grammarly, read more. "My characters are bland" -> work on spicing them up. There are loads of resources on character creation out there, or post your babies in the Character Feedback forum and let people give you some help.

If you want to send a link/character sample/writing sample I'd be happy to give you feedback either here or in PM.

Good luck.
 

Auda

Never try. Never fail.
Hello, I'd like to thank all of you again for responding! I appreciate all of your helpful advice.

Well first if you would be fine, is if you could provide any kind of example.
If you want to send a link/character sample/writing sample I'd be happy to give you feedback either here or in PM.
These are some examples of my writing and character sheets with what I think is wrong with them.

Name: Ward, Andrew

Age: 17

Gender: Male

Appearance:


Height: 5'7

Weight 137 lbs

Hair Color: Black

Eye Color: Gray

Scars/Features: Andrew has a scar on the back of his neck and a piercings on his ears

Voice: Andrew's voice is strained or hoarse due to not speaking for long periods of time and he has a lisp.

Family: Francis Ward, father. mostly absent in Andrew's life because of his work in the military. (Deceased)
Marilyn Ward, mother. Used to be a nurse, mostly at work but she tries to maintain a good relationship with Andrew (Deceased)
Elsa Beverly, Aunt. currently taking care of Andrew after the incident. Relationship with Andrew is strained.

Sexual Orientation: Bi

Family History: Andrew's father has been in the military for as long as Andrew can remember. His mother on the other hand,
is a nurse in the local hospital. One day, his father was discharged from the military and came back home,
though, as a different man. "He has PTSD" the doctor said. Andrew's mom then left her job at the hospital
to take care of his father and that's when it all started. On good days, Andrew and his mother will eat
breakfast and sleep for the night without talking to his father. But on bad days, Andrew would hide in
the attic and his mother will try to distract his father until one of them is unconcious. He would feel the
vibrations on the floor when his mother falls down and her muffled screams through closed ears.

One night, his father is at his worst. Andrew, on his usual hiding spot, hears a gunshot and rushes down
the attic to see his mother on the ground, eyes open, and with a bullet through her head. His father saw
him and pushed him down, dropped his gun, and pressed a knife behind his neck. Asking Andrew who he is
and where are the hostages. Andrew, in a panicked state, looked around and saw the gun within arms reach.
He grabbed it and fired. That's when the police bursts open through the door and took care of the rest.

He moved to Tokyo to live with his aunt after the incident.



Personality: Quiet and reserved. Would rather take flight than fight. Tries his best to avoid physical touch with
others especially on his neck. He knows that not every person is out to hurt him and is trying overcome his
trauma. And even though he's been through a lot, he is still idealistic and tries to see the best in people.



Interests and Hobbies: Because he is mostly alone at home, he discovered his talent in cooking and baking. He also loves
to read mother's medical textbooks on his spare time.

Disinterests: He dislikes it when people try to initiate physical affection and grows uncomfortable when he sees a gun.


Rational and Irrational Fears: Scared of policemen, soldiers, and most authoritative figures. Ornithophobia, fear of birds.


Source of Suffering: Due to both of this parents working, Andrew didn't get to experience the unconditional love that both of his
parents should give. This lead to him developing anxiety and depression. Though, what is affecting him the most
is the trauma that he got from the incident where his mother died and when he killed his father.


A Light Shines in the Darkness: After suffering for most of his life, Andrew is still looking for the best in people because
of his mother and what she taught him. Even though she is already dead, her words is still
ingrained in Andrews head, encouraging him to still look for the silver lining in everything.

Dream: After finishing school, Andrew will continue his study to be a psychologist/psychiatrist to further understand
himself and to help other children who went through the same thing as he did

Other Information:

Friends: Because of his personality, Andrew has a hard time talking to people.

Equipment: Medical textbooks that he got from his mother's belongings before heading to japan.
His phone
His laptop
Medication

Magic: The Fields of Life

Mental Magic: Mind Trick

Weapon: Bow

I find that Andrew's family history is a bit rushed and it didn't really convey the feelings I want the readers to feel.

Name: Vale Colden

Age: 18

Birthday: August 10

Gender: Male

Affinity: Water

Gate Size: Full body

Forbidden power: While some can make earth in its entirety tremble, bring hell itself on the surface of the earth, and make storms rage for centuries mimicking the Armageddon, Vale is different. For Vale doesn’t need the theatrics of seeing the world end. Why exert and waste so much effort just to ruin everything, yourself included? He has the power to bury everything in a great flood like what is stated in the biblical scriptures to start anew, or force everyone to kneel before him as the emperor of the new world, but he will not. Vale will instead seize everything with a whisper. Taking the moisture, the river of life if you would, out of every living being, not giving them the chance to even notice that they’re being harvested by a pseudo-reaper. He will leave the dried-up corpses of enemies, allies, and those who he deems unworthy behind him as he walks towards his goal.



Personality:

Vale is a level-headed person, opting to stay on the backline to analyze the situation before making an action. He is also indifferent to everything around him except for his own well-being. Even though he could care less about the people he is currently with, he'll still try and collaborate with his teammates to find the best and easiest way to dispose of the enemy. He sees the value of working as a team and will seize this opportunity to make things flow smoothly. But in the case that he deems the situation as too dangerous, he will not hesitate to retreat even if it means failing the mission or at the cost of his teammate’s lives. His life is the most important after all.



Background:

Vale hails from the Colden family, one of the local families in Hopenex that specializes in a branch of the water affinity, ice. The Colden family has a reputation in the village for being cold-blooded, as their affinity suggests. To put it simply, this made them an outcast, even in the Fang Faction. For who wants an ally that’ll leave you alone in a battlefield? Resulting in the Colden family developing their own little group of fighters. But Vale is an abnormality.

Vale hasn’t always been this cold and indifferent person that he is today. In fact, he used to be known in the village as someone who is kind and compassionate back when he was a child. With stars in his eyes and the drive to help as much people as he can, he’ll be seen running all around the little village. Helping the locals in harvesting the crops and foraging food, running errands for the elders, and occasionally joining the hunters in their adventures.

But when he reached the age of 12, his parents took him, along with other children, out to hunt their first group of Cyntra as part of the growing up ceremony that his family has been practicing for years. Vale, the optimist that he is, was excited on the prospect of proving his worth to his parents. He dedicated his whole life in training for this moment after all.

As they approach the herd of Cyntra that has been feasting on the bait they put out earlier, Vale just then realized how serious the situation is. Not everyone will survive, but Vale will do his best to try and prevent casualties. It’s his first self-appointed mission. So, Vale along with three other children got into position and initiated the ceremony.

Everything was going according to plan at first, with vale completing the ceremony by killing his first Cyntra, but then a cry for help reached his ears. Looking around, he spotted a child – Robin – pinned under a Cyntra, desperate to free from its grasp. Instead of helping, his parents and the other children turned a blind eye started to evacuate the area. Dread fills his stomach as he realizes what’s happening. So, he did what is expected of him.

He grabbed his dagger and tried to cut off the Cyntra’s head or somehow distract it as Robin escapes. It worked. While the Cyntra was distracted, Robin managed to free himself from its grasp and run away. Though, the Cyntra was able to grab Vale and slam head on the ground. Almost collapsing from the sheer force of the action, Vale reached out his hand and asked Robin to help him. Robin looked back and with a wave of his hand, wished Vale the best of luck before exiting the scene along with the others.

With the Cyntra picking Vale up and holding him above its head, he knows this’ll be the end. He wanted to scream. To curse everything and everyone around him. He wanted to make the world feel his hurt. He wanted to take, to seize, to dispose everything that exist, submerging everything in the depths of the ocean in his wake, but he didn’t. Instead of drowning the world in his anger, he let the ocean swallow his emotions instead. Letting it extinguish the fire, his passion, that has been burning all this time. He didn’t want to feel this hurt anymore. He didn’t want to expect anything from anyone.

He was tired.

With the numbing cold that spreads throughout his body, he willed the ice to freeze, to contain, to swallow. While the Cyntra’s hand that’s holding him now immobile, Vale took the opportunity to drive his dagger through its face. Killing it instantly. Laying on the ground amidst the corpses of monsters, Vale learned a valuable lesson. His life is always the first priority.

Returning to the village, he didn’t blame any of his family. It’s the way of life after all. With the ceremony finished, he is now seen as an adult, though at what cost? Vale then continued on going to hunts with the rest of the Colden family. Completing many hunts and caring less for the casualties as time progresses. Though, as he lay on his bed at night, only one thought remains before darkness consumed him.

He failed his first mission. One person died.


Appearance:


425416632dda8e9a9801f567148ce275.jpg

Vale's Personality feels kind of similar to Andrew and his background is too long (Tho there are no problems with long posts. In fact, I love long posts but in Vale's case, It's not engaging for its length.

I woke up with a start, mind still dazed, and with my heart beating like I’ve ran a marathon. Taking a deep breath, I tried to process what happened in my dream. It started off normal. Well, as normal as dreams can be. I remember being in the kitchen. The familiar smell of home cooked meals and the persistent humming of the refrigerator filled my senses. As I was washing the dishes, something felt off. Before I knew it, I was suddenly in a different area. The atmosphere was so heavy that every gasp of air felt like my lungs will collapse on itself. My limbs turned into stone and my head threatening to explode. After what it felt like an eternity of suffering, a safe haven arrived in the form of light and a man. The pressure on my body lessened and disappeared altogether. It felt like my sins are being cleansed by God himself and I am being offered another chance to redeem myself. I gasped for air and collapsed on my knees, panting, trying to inhale as much as I can. So in the chance that I return to that wretched place, I’ll be ready. When I finally composed myself, I tried to look at his face but I can only close my eyes and look back down again from the sheer brightness he is manifesting, I am not worthy. Everything that comes after is a blur. I can vaguely remember promises about the crumbling of the world and a steady spread of decay in humanity itself. But I also remember the offering of power and hope.

I tried to remember more about the man but it seems like only his smile remained in my head. I’m not a religious person, not by a long shot. But at that moment, it felt like I was being judged for the sins of humanity and not only myself. I scratched my head in frustration, thinking that it’s probably nothing special as I looked at the time on my phone. ‘5:23 AM’ it read. It’s earlier than expected. I looked outside the window and just like what I expected; the sun is yet to rise. I slid out of bed and went to the bathroom to freshen up. Brushing my teeth and taking a hot shower to try to calm my mind and scrub away the remains of the dream until I was raw.

I changed into my school uniform and as I was going to the kitchen, I stopped by my aunt’s room. Pressing my ear against the door, I can hear the sound of the ac accompanied by her snore. It came to no surprise that she’s still asleep since she doesn’t need to leave the house before 8:00am. But on rare times that she is not in bed, I would ask her what she wants for breakfast. Even though she keeps on insisting that I don’t need to cook for her, it’s the least I can do since she offered me a new home after the incident. A chill runs down my spine as I try to repress and hide away the memories, it gets harder and harder each day. To distract myself, I continued to the kitchen and made breakfast for both myself and my aunt, leaving hers in the fridge with a note to reheat the food before consuming it. I grabbed my bag on the dinner table and debated if I should say goodbye to my aunt before heading out.

My relationship with her is shaky to say the least. There are times where she can’t even look at me in the eyes. Maybe she sees the reason why her life went downhill, and regrets housing a murderer. Or maybe the second-hand guilt is eating her from the inside, leaving nothing but an empty husk of what she used to be because of what her brother did. But I understand her sentiments nonetheless. I’m not the only one affected by what happened. Images came rushing in, I clawed my hair and stood still to try and compose myself, tears threatening to burst their way out of my eyes. ‘I hate this.’ I murmured. It felt like everything I say, every memory I think about is only feeding the rot, the parasite, which clings to my back. That one day I’ll eventually give up and surrender my will, my entire person to this abomination. I took a deep breath to compose myself and with words of encouragement, I left the house feeling less and less of a human.

The walk from my house to the school, just like always, is uneventful. Earphones plugged in as I play with my phone, trying to keep my hands busy. I find that distracting myself with these little things offers a little escape from my anxiety and the constant baggage that’s dragging me down. The sun is now up. With its rays of light blanketing my back with familiar warmth as I trail behind some students wearing the same uniform as mine, trying to blend in with the surroundings. When the school finally came into view, I was greeted with more students sharing their hellos and pleasantries. I fastened my pace to try and get away. I never really liked crowds, or being surrounded. When I’m finally inside the school building, I walked up the stairs in a more leisure pace and went to room ‘3-2’. I hear shuffling and whispered voices inside. So, I prepared myself. I practiced my smile, greetings, and a wave before opening the door. Just as I suspected, there are already some students though they didn’t give me any attention, which I am grateful for. Finding my seat on the third row and furthest to the left, I sat down and waited for class to start.

My day proceeded in a lazy pace just like any other day. The teacher would come in, a small greeting will be shared, and the lecture started, rinse and repeat. A few subjects in, I can feel my eyes dropping. Maybe it’s the pleasant weather or the boring lesson but my eye lids grow heavier by the second. ‘I knew I should’ve slept some more’ I thought to myself. Then, I remembered the dream again. ‘A great power huh? That would be nice. Just imagine all the possibilities.’ Giving my hand a little pinch to hopefully wake me up; it wouldn’t be good if I fell asleep after all. I stifle a yawn and tried to preserve till the bell rang. But in the end, my consciousness left me and I succumb to darkness.

Same problem with Vale's background. It's too bland/not engaging enough for how long it is.

While Rem left the bonfire with a promise to secure them a job, Vale looked around and observed the rest of the recruits. With her constant yelling and misplaced optimism, Casey caught Vale's attention first. Vale can't shake the feeling of unease whenever he looks at Casey. Something about her seems off. Maybe it's her overly enthusiastic demeanor in the face of possible danger or how her whole personality took a 180 degree turn, from barely speaking up in the first place to the banshee-like voice she's manifesting now. Whatever it may be, it rubs him in a wrong way. Though, what she said about how the Fang measures our strength did make sense. Even Shade, with his scathing remarks seemed to agree with her though it looked like it hurt him to do so. Speaking of Shade, most - if not all - of what he said rings true. How he phrased it sounded like a threat, and Vale feels like he meant it as one. A little bit of intimidation doesn't hurt anyone after all, as long as it gets the message through. Lastly, Vale's eyes wonder in the foreigner's direction, looking at his frame lit by the bonfire. Vale doesn't have much of an opinion on him since Lothar chose to stay silent during the whole thing. Thus, Vale chose to wait and gather more information about him before making an assumption.

The return of Rem broke Vale's train of thought. She spoke up about a task given by the leader and it piqued Vale's interest. After sharing what they're supposed to do - a simple recon - Vale's enthusiasm died down a bit. he expected something more engaging for lack of a better word, but any mission is worth doing in his eyes. Standing up from his position, Vale stretched and got ready to leave. "Assuming the worst, there's a high chance that we'll be welcomed by Cyntras feasting on their corpses. It's night time and they've been gone for a long time after all. If that's the case, do we exterminate the Cyntras or leave the place immediately?" He asked, trying to determine the scope of the mission. It wouldn't be good to waste time and energy on anything but the mission.

I don't see much problems in this example.

I assume personality is one of the bigger notes here. I would suggest rather than writing names of traits, that like a biography, you could try experimenting with writing out the personality. This would allow you to detail the extents of the character's interaction with the world and others easier. As the normal form can be viewed as the extreme of the traits. Like listing happy and meaning a more average level, but someone could assume it means psychotically happy
Yes! I find that my OC's personality are lacking and sometimes they are too much and i'm trying to find a balance between the two.

You could also try creating a character built upon a template.
I always use the template that's provided by the GM. I'm also trying to learn BBcodes to make my character sheets more appealing.

You could also try testing the fusions of various existing concepts to create a relatively unique character. Or for another, flipping race stereotypes like if you RP in more fantasy focused setting. Elves for example are considered in extreme as "Hippy tree loving bow douches", or dwarves as "small battleaxe wielding, bearded mountain dwellers". Then you could create a Elf that is into poetry, warfare, and sword wielding. Or a Dwarven missionary that has a English accent, uses a crossbow, and is an excellent singer.
I really need to work on this. I find that I tend stick to race stereotypes because that's my preference but I know that I should step out of my comfort zone and try new things.

or post your babies in the Character Feedback forum
Wait I didn't know that this exists! Will check it out in the future.

You are almost certainly not responsible for RPs you're in dying - statistically, most of them don't make it very far
I know that there are a lot of factors to look at but It's just disheartening when almost all of the rp's I've been a part of didn't even survive for a week or are dying. I've also tried 1x1 rp's but it didn't work out as well.

My main advice for better writing is always in two parts.
1. Read more.
2. Write more.
Also, going to second Grey's advice. Keep reading and writing.
I find that reading and writing just as you suggested helps and I know it will continue to help me in the future! I was just looking for more ways to improve my skills faster. (Though I know that there's no fast way to achieving your goals.)

This is absolutely the Dunning Kruger effect at work. Your ability to evaluate your skill has outpaced your actual skill.
Yes! this exactly explains my case.


Edit: Deleted my previous post because bbcode was broken.
 

Valerin

Dreamer
Don't be so hard on yourself. As with any other skill, practice makes perfect. There aren't any immediate shortcuts, but maybe reading up on various narrative and writing techniques could be the quick answer you're looking for. Authors often talk about pacing and the concept of show, don't tell; acknowledging and understanding both techniques could alter the way you view your own writing.
 

Crayons

Iconoclast
A few things jump out immediately, I can maybe have a more detailed look sometime later, but these are the most obvious things.

Characters:
Both your characters' personalities seemed to be entirely based around one specific formative incident. I would suggest thinking about them in a more well-rounded way. Generally speaking people have personalities from the time they are born, and they develop them throughout their entire life. The personalities they already have will influence how they react to the formative incident. The incident shouldn't be the catalyst for them to develop a personality. You need to consider more angles. At the very least ask yourself the following questions: What do they hate most? What do they fear? What do they love? What makes them happy? What do they value?

Your characters both tend towards the shy/introvert/passive or just plain misanthropic in the case of Mr Selfish. This is going to be a problem in RP, which is all about engaging with other characters. Making your character anti-social or having disregard for the people around them will end up with your RP experiences being unsatisfying. You need to give other people some reason to want to engage with your characters. At the moment I can't really see either of them being that fun to play with either for you or your partner.

I feel like you need to explain why Andrew's aunt lives in Tokyo. Again, backstory focuses on one incident and this just comes out of the blue, and feels a little tacked on.

Writing:
I'm giving you an A+ straight off for dropping the first person and picking up third person. Please stick with that. Most people find 1st person narrative very hard to read in an RP context because it puts the reader in the headspace of -your- character when it should be in the headspace of -their own- character.

Tenses. You need to stick to ONE tense. Either present or past is fine (though past is more widely used). At the moment you're mixing them up a lot.

Choose your battles. There's no need to write a long post about something mundane. Writing whole paragraphs about "uneventful" or commonplace things just isn't worth your time as a writer. Save those paragraphs for the meaningful stuff.

Welp those are the most obvious things I can see that need improvement. Tbh I think the content of your posts will get better once your characters are more well-rounded, interesting and engaging, because you will know them better and be able to inject more personality into then.

Good luck and thanks for being brave and sharing these things with us publicly! :D
 

Auda

Never try. Never fail.
Your characters both tend towards the shy/introvert/passive or just plain misanthropic in the case of Mr Selfish
Yeah I've noticed that about my OC's as well and I'm trying to deviate from that.

Both your characters' personalities seemed to be entirely based around one specific formative incident. I would suggest thinking about them in a more well-rounded way.

Now that I'm reading my character sheets again, I can definitely see this! Thanks for bringing that up, I'll work on it.

Tenses. You need to stick to ONE tense.
At the moment you're mixing them up a lot.
I didn't really pay much attention to tenses and only wrote what I felt like is appropriate. I'll pay closer attention to make it more consistent from now on lol.

I really appreciate the help! Thanks again for pointing out my mistakes so I can fix them.
 

Kazami42

Budget Morpheus, soldier #1,128,300 reporting in.
Well outside the original first person thing I see no true issue with your actual posting. Though there seems to be quite the emphasis upon writing out the mundane. These could stay in the post, but it works better in a character narrative to try keeping the detailed sections to either interaction, combat, and what the character is dealing with mentally. The latter could range from a internal monologue reacting to something dazing, to how they feel.

As for the OCs, I gotta add an addendum to our guy Crayons's post. I don't really see too much of a problem with them outside of the general feel and the personality. For all intents and purposes a character sheet is mostly for the GM to gawk at, but on a public level. Whereas the gist could be engaging or not, it only truly matters IC. Thus you could further flesh out their history, add or create anew along with it, and their personality IC. Unlike in a factional, guild, or national level RP but with a limited character focus some of the traits of introvertism doesn't really matter. But in a standard character RP, it is based upon a GM as well as character narrative that adapts.

Essentially, the traits like that would make the experience seem sour when a RP ends or even just outright flatlines. Another way of handling it could be changing over time, or trying to interact more to combat any social anxiety. That alone can be a interesting storyline. But in more common methodology, I would recommend setting a baseline personality. Then as you craft their history from age 5 and up if you're into that, you affect or change their personality and outlook on life as you write it out or complete it. This would also sort of help you with it.

Finally, your writing as a whole seems fine from this. It is comprehensible and in some circles of communities could be argued as grammatically slightly above their average. Rather than attempt to perfect it, let it adapt naturally.

Grey and crayons already got the rest, so I don't need to copy them. Also bravo on the first OC appearance. Using something with a nose in some RP communities on this site would apparently hail you as a god in comparison to others. I would like to think that is a joke, but nope. Have fun in your future ventures. Edit: I was originally going to post this hours ago but the internet died, so I went off doing something else a bit. Sorry about that.

"See ya space cowboy." ~Cowboy Bebop.
 

Kazami42

Budget Morpheus, soldier #1,128,300 reporting in.
Also one final thing before I go, Auda Auda
When I said template I didn't mean the creation sheet that everyone uses or the GM makes. I mean a template such as a character archetype, a race template, etc. Which is mostly a entirely different beast. Those are join criteria, while a template is a standalone and sometimes self created asset already filled out, researched, tested, and is not used in the actual RP. If used, you are merely copying information off of it to paste into a CS. Presumably with some edits, as it is hyper detailed in terms of adding even the mundane. Such as for a species with it's own races/subspecies, it can list food chain, evolutionary history, when they bathe and how, etc. Whereas a character template is more simplified and lists all traits, effects, races, eye colors, body shapes, movement speed, etc. Subtypes are personality templates, that focus entirely upon the associated segment.

To make it simpler since it is a bit annoying to describe for me outside references, I'll do this. Templates are like if you worked at national geographic and while researching and observing every creature and listing even the mundane about them, like how they behave towards others and themselves, you also worked for every subject as a paleontologist, a neurologist, zoologist, anthropologist, and a biologist, in terms of all the information you can find on the most detailed of templates in reference. Despite this, the template can be used for a RP but not defining it could be annoying.

I.E you have the character sheet and their race is something like Bumati and you list their abilities as a race special. Nobody knows what that is because you're the one who made it in this case. You could include or only give the GM the template. Another template type is more akin to a built upon CS. Like a fandom deal. I.E a martial artist template that only works for one thing like cqc roleplays, or an alien civilization template for any space RP.

Have a nice day.
 

Kazami42

Budget Morpheus, soldier #1,128,300 reporting in.
Also one final thing before I go, Auda Auda
When I said template I didn't mean the creation sheet that everyone uses or the GM makes. I mean a template such as a character archetype, a race template, etc. Which is mostly a entirely different beast. Those are join criteria, while a template is a standalone and sometimes self created asset already filled out, researched, tested, and is not used in the actual RP. If used, you are merely copying information off of it to paste into a CS. Presumably with some edits, as it is hyper detailed in terms of adding even the mundane. Such as for a species with it's own races/subspecies, it can list food chain, evolutionary history, when they bathe and how, etc. Whereas a character template is more simplified and lists all traits, effects, races, eye colors, body shapes, movement speed, etc. Subtypes are personality templates, that focus entirely upon the associated segment.

To make it simpler since it is a bit annoying to describe for me outside references, I'll do this. Templates are like if you worked at national geographic and while researching and observing every creature and listing even the mundane about them, like how they behave towards others and themselves, you also worked for every subject as a paleontologist, a neurologist, zoologist, anthropologist, and a biologist, in terms of all the information you can find on the most detailed of templates in reference. Despite this, the template can be used for a RP but not defining it could be annoying.

I.E you have the character sheet and their race is something like Bumati and you list their abilities as a race special. Nobody knows what that is because you're the one who made it in this case. You could include or only give the GM the template. Another template type is more akin to a built upon CS. Like a fandom deal. I.E a martial artist template that only works for one thing like cqc roleplays, or an alien civilization template for any space RP.

Have a nice day.
 

Cross

Life's a Garden. Dig It?
Auda Auda I read your latest OC Vale Colden and, compared to your first OC, Andrew Ward, you progressed a lot. I think, with the Colden CS, you did a splendid job using imagery.

"He has the power to bury everything in a great flood like what is stated in the biblical scriptures to start anew, or force everyone to kneel before him as the emperor of the new world, but he will not. Vale will instead seize everything with a whisper. Taking the moisture, the river of life if you would, out of every living being, not giving them the chance to even notice that they’re being harvested by a pseudo-reaper. He will leave the dried-up corpses of enemies, allies, and those who he deems unworthy behind him as he walks towards his goal."

I wouldn't worry about being a bad writer. Clearly, you are capable of very fine writing. I have RPed with lots and lots of people on this site and, personally, clunky writing doesn't bother me. Beautiful writing with no substance is far worse than ugly writing that tells a good story. To rephrase, when the plot is good, I don't care if the writing is pretty or not. A lot of people fall into the trap of writing their character too passively. Talk with your RP partners about where the RP is going so you are aware of what kind of actions your character can take to contribute to the story.

If I might offer some advice though, I did notice a few typos and mistakes. Maybe plugging in your posts into a text reader before sending them off would cut down on missing words and errors.
 
[DIV=margin:auto; max-width: 600px; text-align: justify; line-height:1.6em;]Just write!

*cough-cough*

...but make sure it's readable!

People more skilled than me have given plenty of good advice, but I will feel like should add a few things. I haven't seen your posts so this is more of a universal advice for tryhards like us.

Think about what you are trying to achieve with your writing. Is it more important to impress others or to convey what your character does? Good writing does not attract attention to itself. Simpler words. Shorter sentences. Reading should feel effortless unless it's poetry.

The more effort someone has to put into reading the more invested they need to be to stay with you. So keep your stuff structured. Use more paragraphs and topic sentences.

Avoid repetition and unnecessary detail. If somebody else described a thing don't do it again. If it is not important how a character got somewhere, don't describe it in excruciating detail.

Be careful with internal monologue. Other players don't always need to know every single thought that goes through your characters head.

To summarize,

As long as your writing gets the point across and doesn't waste words, your good.
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