Advice/Help How to stop overthinking roleplay responses?

[Eres_]

Hello everyone, I was wondering if anyone has been in my shoes before and could provide a bit of advice.

To elaborate:

I was on a roleplay hiatus for about a year but got back into it recently. I managed to find a great roleplay partner who writes really detailed posts and has a similar response time to myself (about 4-5 days since we both write quite a lot and are fairly busy people).

They were a little unsure of one of the plot points I proposed for the roleplay, but still thought it was interesting to try, so we ended up following through with the plot I thought up.

However, I began overthinking my roleplay responses a lot since then, which caused me to nitpick my own writing and feel badly about it. I also deal with anxiety to begin with, so there was one instance where I ended up panicking over something I was writing to them. (It sounds bad, I know ). It also didn't help that it's been a week now and they haven't responded to my post, although I'm aware it's more likely that they were just busy. Of course, my mind tries to say otherwise and make me feel as though they've lost interest because of how bad my writing is.

I know in situations like these it's best to get inspired by another's writing and learn from it rather than overthink it and be insecure, but it's so hard to get rid of these insecurities. I was thinking maybe it's best for me to go on another roleplay hiatus until I can get my mental health sorted out, but it just sucks at the same time. I consider writing a great outlet for me to escape from reality for a little while.

To those who maybe have dealt with a similar situation, what have you done about it? Is it best to just go on another hiatus after all?

I'd also honestly feel a little bad leaving so suddenly from my roleplay partner, as they put a lot of effort into their posts.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[Idea]

I will say, I seriously doubt a hiatus will help with this particular issue. It’s not caused by burnout or anything else related to roleplaying for an extensive amount after all. If anything taking a hiatus due to a problem like seems likely to aggravate it when we you decide to return, simply letting the worry fester with the added uncertainty of post-break rustiness.

While I’m uncertain of what could necessarily help, one thing I will recommend is trying to set some concrete goals. I stress that “concrete” here, since if you make these goals vague it won’t help. However, if you set some concrete goals to what your reply needs to or should contain for a baseline “good enough”, before starting to think of how you will write it exactly, then you have something to fall back on to say “ok, I’ve spent enough time thinking about this, even if it’s not perfect it does meet the goal to be good enough”.

Aiming for a “just do it” time mentality might also help reducing the overthinking a bit. I say aiming because it’s not really so simple to change how you approach these things, but if you’re trying to shift the way you approach it, it should at the very least help you catch yourself in the act and thinking more critically about wether what you’re worrying about is as big of a deal as you’re assuming. A lot of anxiety-caused spirals don’t really hold water when inspected from an outside perspective after all, and while this doesn’t always help, sometimes it might.


Last but certainly not least, OOC communication with your partner is paramount. Talk to them about your worries, and how to implement solutions. A lot of solutions will be tailored to you and your partner’s preferences after all, and they may be able to offer some reassurance about things you find yourself overthinking or worrying about.


I hope this advice is helpful, best of luck and happy roleplaying!

 

[Onmyoji]

I would somewhat echo what Idea said. A lot of things can be solved by talking OOC with your rp partner.

You should set a "good enough" baseline for yourself. How you set it is up to you. What worked for me was something like asking myself these questions:
1. Does my post move story forward? If yes, good enough.
2. Does my post leave something for my partner to react to in their post? If yes, good enough.
3*. Is my post not super short compared to my partner's? ( by that I mean, if it's not 1 paragraph vs 5 paragraps my partner wrote or something on the same scale). If it's at least 1/2 - 3/4 length then good enough.
(This point only applies to rp where we have lengthier replies. Doesn't really apply to casual rapidfire style because then all replies are fairly short)
4. Does my post have a lot of typos? If no, good enough. If yes, fix them and good enough.
5. Do both my rp partner and I enjoy the rp? If yes, good enough.


Note that I don't ask "do I like my post?"
Because in most cases I don't. But if I enjoy the rp and my partner enjoys the rp then it was good enough!


Another thing that helped me was becoming friends with some rp partners. Talking to them about these things made me realize that they have similar worries. And we could encourage each other and reassure that every post doesn't have to be stellar. There are always ups and downs, even if one post is not perfect doesn't mean the next one won't be, and definitely doesn't mean the whole rp must be stopped because of it. And if things seem to drag a bit we discuss doing a time skip.

You're definitely not alone in this, a lot of roleplayers struggle with the same thing, this is why it's important to discuss things with your rp partner!

 

[nerdy tangents]

So the above posters covered the roleplay aspect very well so I want to tackle the anxiety specifically. As a child I had generalized anxiety and would regularly have panic attacks or bouts of intrusive thinking that would leave me physically sick.

So I learned two ways to deal with them that kinda link to the above advice.

1. Take a step back and a literal deep breathe. Actually doing some breathing excerises and just reassure yourself “this is all in my head. Nothing is wrong. I’m fine.” Now this helps more with physical symptoms but it can also stop intrusive thoughts because you are actively breaking the cycle by focusing on something else and deliberately choosing to counter your own negativity.


2. Take your intrusive thought and play them through.

Ex. Partner hasn’t responded for awhile, list out all the reasons this could be. They are busy with work, their computer broke, they had a death in the family, they have COVID, they are at the hospital, etc.

These don’t have to necessarily be positive or even rational but the key thing is they aren’t all going to be something you can control nor something that is related to you.

3. Treat your partner like you treat yourself. So you don’t like your post. Okay if your partner has responded I want you to go through their post seeking out the exact same issues. All the little things you nitpick in your post I want you to nitpick in theirs.

If they haven’t responded go back through an old roleplay and do that with a different partner.

The point is chances are you have no been nearly as harsh on your partner as you are on yourself. You have enjoyed their posts regardless of the little nitpicks. So assume your partner is therefore doing the same thing with your posts.

They aren’t going through them with a fine tooth comb looking for flaws. Anymore then your going through their posts with a fine tooth comb looking for flaws.

 

[Eres_]

I will say, I seriously doubt a hiatus will help with this particular issue. It’s not caused by burnout or anything else related to roleplaying for an extensive amount after all. If anything taking a hiatus due to a problem like seems likely to aggravate it when we you decide to return, simply letting the worry fester with the added uncertainty of post-break rustiness.

While I’m uncertain of what could necessarily help, one thing I will recommend is trying to set some concrete goals. I stress that “concrete” here, since if you make these goals vague it won’t help. However, if you set some concrete goals to what your reply needs to or should contain for a baseline “good enough”, before starting to think of how you will write it exactly, then you have something to fall back on to say “ok, I’ve spent enough time thinking about this, even if it’s not perfect it does meet the goal to be good enough”.

Aiming for a “just do it” time mentality might also help reducing the overthinking a bit. I say aiming because it’s not really so simple to change how you approach these things, but if you’re trying to shift the way you approach it, it should at the very least help you catch yourself in the act and thinking more critically about wether what you’re worrying about is as big of a deal as you’re assuming. A lot of anxiety-caused spirals don’t really hold water when inspected from an outside perspective after all, and while this doesn’t always help, sometimes it might.


Last but certainly not least, OOC communication with your partner is paramount. Talk to them about your worries, and how to implement solutions. A lot of solutions will be tailored to you and your partner’s preferences after all, and they may be able to offer some reassurance about things you find yourself overthinking or worrying about.


I hope this advice is helpful, best of luck and happy roleplaying!

Thank you so much, yes this advice was helpful! Yeah, I do think a big part of my worries comes from the fact we don't really talk too much ooc. We mostly just send a reply and then go offline for a few days at a time until the other person sends something in. At most we just ask about how our week went and so on.


I'll try my best to internalize the advice you've given and set some concrete goals. I think the part about setting a good enough baseline will help a lot.

Thanks!

 

[Eres_]

I would somewhat echo what Idea said. A lot of things can be solved by talking OOC with your rp partner.

You should set a "good enough" baseline for yourself. How you set it is up to you. What worked for me was something like asking myself these questions:
1. Does my post move story forward? If yes, good enough.
2. Does my post leave something for my partner to react to in their post? If yes, good enough.
3*. Is my post not super short compared to my partner's? ( by that I mean, if it's not 1 paragraph vs 5 paragraps my partner wrote or something on the same scale). If it's at least 1/2 - 3/4 length then good enough.
(This point only applies to rp where we have lengthier replies. Doesn't really apply to casual rapidfire style because then all replies are fairly short)
4. Does my post have a lot of typos? If no, good enough. If yes, fix them and good enough.
5. Do both my rp partner and I enjoy the rp? If yes, good enough.


Note that I don't ask "do I like my post?"
Because in most cases I don't. But if I enjoy the rp and my partner enjoys the rp then it was good enough!


Another thing that helped me was becoming friends with some rp partners. Talking to them about these things made me realize that they have similar worries. And we could encourage each other and reassure that every post doesn't have to be stellar. There are always ups and downs, even if one post is not perfect doesn't mean the next one won't be, and definitely doesn't mean the whole rp must be stopped because of it. And if things seem to drag a bit we discuss doing a time skip.

You're definitely not alone in this, a lot of roleplayers struggle with the same thing, this is why it's important to discuss things with your rp partner!

Thank you for listing out those questions! I will try my best to use them each time I'm feeling anxious about my roleplay response. It's really reassuring to hear that I'm not the only one who gets terrible anxiety sometimes when it comes to roleplaying.

Yeah, like I said in my other reply, part of the anxiety is probably coming from how we don't talk that much ooc. I'll try to talk to them more and see if it helps, but they aren't online frequently. Your post really helped a lot too, so thanks for that.

 

[Eres_]

So the above posters covered the roleplay aspect very well so I want to tackle the anxiety specifically. As a child I had generalized anxiety and would regularly have panic attacks or bouts of intrusive thinking that would leave me physically sick.

So I learned two ways to deal with them that kinda link to the above advice.

1. Take a step back and a literal deep breathe. Actually doing some breathing excerises and just reassure yourself “this is all in my head. Nothing is wrong. I’m fine.” Now this helps more with physical symptoms but it can also stop intrusive thoughts because you are actively breaking the cycle by focusing on something else and deliberately choosing to counter your own negativity.


2. Take your intrusive thought and play them through.

Ex. Partner hasn’t responded for awhile, list out all the reasons this could be. They are busy with work, their computer broke, they had a death in the family, they have COVID, they are at the hospital, etc.

These don’t have to necessarily be positive or even rational but the key thing is they aren’t all going to be something you can control nor something that is related to you.

3. Treat your partner like you treat yourself. So you don’t like your post. Okay if your partner has responded I want you to go through their post seeking out the exact same issues. All the little things you nitpick in your post I want you to nitpick in theirs.

If they haven’t responded go back through an old roleplay and do that with a different partner.

The point is chances are you have no been nearly as harsh on your partner as you are on yourself. You have enjoyed their posts regardless of the little nitpicks. So assume your partner is therefore doing the same thing with your posts.

They aren’t going through them with a fine tooth comb looking for flaws. Anymore then your going through their posts with a fine tooth comb looking for flaws.

I'm really sorry you deal with anxiety too. I can relate to getting panic attacks frequently and feeling sick from them

I really appreciate the detailed tips you gave on how to handle the anxiety and will try my best to implement them when I catch myself overthinking. Thanks a bunch

 

[Idea]

Thank you so much, yes this advice was helpful! Yeah, I do think a big part of my worries comes from the fact we don't really talk too much ooc. We mostly just send a reply and then go offline for a few days at a time until the other person sends something in. At most we just ask about how our week went and so on.


I'll try my best to internalize the advice you've given and set some concrete goals. I think the part about setting a good enough baseline will help a lot.

Thanks!

Once again, I wish you the best of luck!