Advice/Help How To Bow Out

[rae2nerdy]

EDIT : 9:01 am to be a little clearer and less ranty.

So I was doing a Discord roleplay with someone from a different site, we'll call him Pegasus. The guy messages me first with an OC that he wants to play in an original world of mine. I'm happy to do it and give him my discord handle and set up of a server for the roleplay.

He seems kind of surprised that I bothered to make a whole server as it's just a 1x1 and I tell him that I like to be organized. He seems fine with it and we get to talking about the plot and characters. I go through my own dragon plots (it was a dragon roleplay) and he says he wants to do something different.

I'm fine with changing things up and even work on a character for the roleplay that I flesh out from a previous idea. I explain the character and such and everything seems to be going well.

Well then I try to move onto preferences for the roleplay ( like how often he wants to post, what kind of character sheet he wants to use, etc.) And he seems a little put off. He keeps saying something like "You're excited to get started / Do you want to get started?" When I'm like asking him basic follow up questions.

Like no dude why would I be wanting to start when I'm still asking you questions about the roleplay? So eventually I even tell him - hey it seems like your maybe used to doing the whole "make a character and jump in" thing and that's not really my style. I like to ask for expectations so we're both on the same page.

Well you would think I just spat in the man's face and called his mother a four letter word. He goes on this tear that I've been shutting him out and focusing only on my own character and trying to force him to do world building. While simultaneously saying that he is fine with world building and how dare I make assumptions. Like dude I was explaining a character I made specifically for your character to interact with. And you told me all about your character as literally your first message to me. And I'm not forcing him to anything I'm just asking him questions.

But then he goes on like how I'm just being unreasonable and acting like he has all this free time and being unreasonable to him. I apologise say I'm sorry if this is how I came across. Maybe he could give me a schedule so I can only contact him when he's online and work on other roleplays when he's not.

Well he put paid to that. Told me he was leaving because I couldn't be cooperative and it was a shame because I had a nice idea. I promptly blocked him on the site he found me on.

tl:dr and question
So the short version is I had someone get super offended at me on discord and I was wondering if anyone had tips for leaving a roleplay when your partner has already proven to be the sort to take any slight super personally.

 

[PaulHaynek]

You could go for the honest route and be all like, "Hey there. I'm really sorry but I cannot participate in the RP anymore because you are being rude and immature." or something like that.

Or you can just lie and put 'em down gently like, "Stuff came at my end and I am afraid I cannot continue RPing with you anymore." There are a lot of variations for this. The sky is the limit.

 

[Strawberry]

I think a good way to avoid doing that in the first place is to make sure you clearly explain your preferences up front. (Not just the fandoms/genres/pairings. That includes how active you'll be, what you're expecting, how much you'll write, how thorough you'll be during the planning process, if you want a detailed CS or a basic bio, etc). I know for some people, all that planning is boring or they may be put off by it, especially if they just want to go straight to roleplaying. Honestly, that's fine (to a certain extent) but at least you'll have a better idea of whether or not you want to RP with them from their response to your preferences. It doesn't sound like you're asking a lot from them either. You're just trying to establish the story, characters, world, and how your partner will work together with you to make the RP enjoyable. After they explain their own preferences/writing style/schedule, that's when you can both determine if it would be okay to exchange discord handles.

Once you're actually at that stage and find out you don't want to do the RP anymore, I'd agree with PaulHaynek and go for the gentle route (though you don't have to lie). If they're going to be upset by the "inconvenience" of you just trying to get the RP sorted out, it'd probably be best not to add fuel to the fire. I usually say something along the lines of, "Thank you for your interest in my roleplay/character/idea. Unfortunately, I don't think this RP will work out. Thank you for your time and I hope you find a RP partner who is better suited for you."

Then again, if they're going to be rude when you've been nothing but courteous to them, I see nothing wrong with simply saying, "I'm not interested in roleplaying with you anymore" then promptly blocking them. You don't have to explain yourself to them if they're going to be unreasonable.

 

[Damafaud]

This might not be helpful, but when I'm faced with case like this I tend to just ghost ^^'

It's not right but it's easier than facing a torrent of salt and whatever they throw when I bow out.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Strawberry

The amusing thing is the reason I was asking for his preferences is because mine were already listed. Like they were on the thread he replied to. I think the problem was honestly more that he over-estimated his own abilities. Just the way he reacted when I would give him information and when I tried to scale back to accommodate him. He got really defensive and argumentative. So I think it's one of those things that you jump in thinking you're going to be able to keep up but then realize your over your head.

Only in his case he decided to be an ass about it rather than just bowing out gracefully.

 

[Idea]

I could be wrong since I don't roleplay on discord, so off-site RPs may have a completely different norm, but in this case and I'm sorry to have to put it like this but this person seems like either an idiot, a jerk or both. So I pretty much have to agree with what Strawberry said: Make sure the expectations are explained from the start and then try to gently say something along the lines of "look, it seems we are definitely not hoping for the same kind of experience, so I'll be taking my leave, but good luck finding partner!", then if they remain unreasonable as you try to go, well, at that point just push them off in whatever way works.

Which all in all, seems like pretty much what you did anyway, so I guess sorry for not adding much.

 

[Birdsie]

Rule #1: Don't take shit from idiots.

If someone is acting like a cretin, point it out, and if you believe that won't fix his behavior, give up on it and excuse yourself politely. All I can possibly do in this discussion is affirm what my predecessors have; just tell him you're not interested anymore.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Rule #1: Don't take shit from idiots.

If someone is acting like a cretin, point it out, and if you believe that won't fix his behavior, give up on it and excuse yourself politely. All I can possibly do in this discussion is affirm what my predecessors have; just tell him you're not interested anymore.

Yeah he kind of beat me to the punch in that regard. I had planned to leave but he decided that the great imposition of roleplaying with me was too much for him. Which is fine saved me having to come up with a polite lie and I just moved straight to blocking him.

Mostly kept it up for future situations, to remind me to go with my gut and just nip stuff in the bud right away.