Other Gender questions

[Scattered Ambitions]

Today I was doing some reading on trans characters, so I can write them more correctly, and that led to some reading up on gender stuff. I am AFAB and have always felt that that was correct. I certainly don't feel like a guy, and I definitely prefer she/her pronouns. But there is a part of me that really doesn't fit with the cis-female definition. And if I woke up as a guy one day, I wouldn't mind. I also really hate having boobs. So, basically, I'm just having some trouble figuring out what I am.


Insights?

EDIT: I did some more soul searching and I tend to identify more with androgyne, leaning more towards feminine. I'm changing my look to be more androgynous and might get top surgery because I have been experiencing quite a bit of dysphoria about primary and secondary sex characteristics. Until then I'm wearing a binder. I've also been talking to my therapist and she says that she thinks a lot of my body anxiety is because of the dysphoria, but I've only recently had a name for it. I don't think I'll change my pronouns, but I don't really care what pronouns people use for me anymore.

SECOND EDIT: I have also always gotten a weird feeling (like chills or something) when someone referred to me as she so I might change to they pronouns.

 

[The Gunrunner]

Tits are pretty inconvenient. Then again, I can't count the number of times i've crushed my balls against my seat. I'm waiting on the 2.0 model of humans.


Biologically speaking, you are a female. With tatas and a hoo-ha. In terms of gender, it seems you are also a female (though my knowledge on gender is extremely shallow.) From what I'm reading in your post, you don't identify as a male or literally believe yourself to be one. Maybe you prefer masculine practices and attributes? That wasn't really mentioned.


I have difficulty with some conversations, so forgive me, but I assume you do not want a literal answer to what you are - That is, according to semantics and biology. Typically when such a thing comes up, someone wants to be given a self-image they're comfortable with. If so, then I guess that in this case you would want a comfortable self-image regarding your private bits.


However, if you do want an applicable title according to gender, I uh... can't give one to you. 'Woman who thinks it'd be kind of dope to try out being a man,' or 'male-curious.' I like the last one. Honestly, titles shouldn't be important to people. They should be more of a tool to easily convey beliefs, feelings, etc. to others. However, there is almost always a lot of baggage that someone might not necessarily entirely agree with. Additionally, it's not the title that's important - It's the meaning. So my answer to 'what' you are (if you're asking for a title) is 'How do you feel about it, what aspects of gender roles do you like (it's fine to mix-and-match if you want,) and which do you prefer.' That's, to me, what you are and the answer may be more satisfying than a title.


If you don't want a title, try talking to someone. Only you can figure out what you are, but someone else can ask questions you haven't considered so you think about it more deeply.


Best I've got.

 

[charleen]

have you tried Christian mingle?

 

[Scattered Ambitions]

have you tried Christian mingle?

Nah, I'm ace/aro. No interest in a relationship. Also, I'm an atheist.

 

[Xenomorph]

Gender identity is something that may or may not change as you get older. You might finally come to the realization on what you truly feel deep inside. That being said, generally most people know what kind of person they are deep down. The difference is some people take a long time to come out or stop lying to themselves. 


I'm just a boring old Cis white man, but I'm fairly androgynous and metro. Just look into it more. There are gender fluid people and pansexual and bisexual individuals and lots more. 

 

[Shelter]

I think it's best to remember that words like he or she only have meaning of societal norms. If you're a man but like the words she/her, then you might be attracted to things that more feminine but not exactly things to the biological sex, like giving birth or having breasts. 


I think deep down, we all feel that we don't  fit the standard definition of our sex or what our sex represents. Our perceptions on what our sex is suppose to do are way to rigid and don't reflect the complexity of human thought or emotions

 

[kibou]

90% of my friends are trans and tend to talk about it a lot, and talk about it with me, so i think im pretty up to date


for some people realizing theyre trans is an immediate thing, or theyve always known- those stories tend to get told a lot. for a lot of people they didnt realize until after learning about it, and it took research into it and trans experiences, and a lot of self reflection before they came to the conclusion that they relate to common trans experiences and that they feel more comfortable with different pronouns, wearing a binder (type of clothing used to smoosh boobs and make you look flat), etc.


there's isn't any kind of checklist to go down and you select boxes and then if you select enough your trans so its something thats hard to figure out sometimes and no one can tell you what your gender is other than yourself


being uncomfortable with body parts (boobs or lack of, hips, facial structure, etc) or feeling like they're off/wrong could be gender dysphoria, but it could also be caused by something else.


it could also be general body image issues, feeling uncomfortable with how other people treat you because your boobs are big/small, being inconvenienced by them, because of trauma, or just no reason at all.


it's pretty common to not fit with the "cis definition" of things because humans don't conform to molds. i love cute shit and some months i cry at least once a week and i paint my nails sometimes and im into skincare but it doesnt mean im less of a boy, i just dont fit the typical mold.


it's also common to feel like you don't fit the cis definition because you aren't cis.


none of this means you necessarily are/are not trans. if you are curious id look into it more, read a lot of personal accounts and some "signs you might be trans" shit and think about it. i could probably find some good resources since ive done research on it before too so i could understand people better, also i really love psychology, so if you want them pm me


personally i think self-evaluation and thinking about identity is really fun in general. and like i said no one can tell you if youre cis or trans except yourself.

 

[Count Gensokyo]

Am I the only one who won't ever be sold on this new-age "gender revolution" movement stuff?

 

[kibou]

Am I the only one who won't ever be sold on this new-age "gender revolution" movement stuff?

i mean, trans people have existed for a long time so i wouldn't consider the basic concept to be new-age.

 

[Scripted Away]

Am I the only one who won't ever be sold on this new-age "gender revolution" movement stuff?

I don't think it's all that new-age. It's rather that people are more comfortable and less scared to come out as what they are by now. 


I think there have been men identifying as women and vice versa and everything's else long before, but now we have words for it, and don't need to describe it for ages. 


It's a revolution in the vocabulary, not in genders.

 

[StarBabyPixel]

Am I the only one who won't ever be sold on this new-age "gender revolution" movement stuff?

Personally for me (just reading from other people's experiences) I believe that a lot of what's being described as 'gender' can be explained by 'personality'. But that's just how I see it, I'm not saying i'm right, i'm not saying anyone is wrong.

 

[kibou]

Personally for me (just reading from other people's experiences) I believe that a lot of what's being described as 'gender' can be explained by 'personality'. But that's just how I see it, I'm not saying i'm right, i'm not saying anyone is wrong.

most trans people have dysphoria, which is a feeling that their body/specific parts are wrong/off, being bothered by how high/low their voice pitch is, or being uncomfortable with how their gender is perceived by others (wanting other people to see them as a boy vs girl), etc, and these problems are usually alleviated by transitioning.


doing typically girly or boyish things might make trans people feel better. But for example a girl who likes doing masculine stuff (e.g, fixing cars, fighting, etc) or has a more boyish personality (e.g, more outspoken, brash, aggressive) isn't going to feel trans and transitioning would probably make her more uncomfortable and be bad for her. 


so i can see where you're coming from but i think it's good to distinguish 

 

[StarBabyPixel]

most trans people have dysphoria, which is a feeling that their body/specific parts are wrong/off, being bothered by how high/low their voice pitch is, or being uncomfortable with how their gender is perceived by others (wanting other people to see them as a boy vs girl), etc, and these problems are usually alleviated by transitioning.


doing typically girly or boyish things might make trans people feel better. But for example a girl who likes doing masculine stuff (e.g, fixing cars, fighting, etc) or has a more boyish personality (e.g, more outspoken, brash, aggressive) isn't going to feel trans and transitioning would probably make her more uncomfortable and be bad for her. 


so i can see where you're coming from but i think it's good to distinguish 

I'm not really speaking about actual trans people MtF and FtM, I was more talking about the people that call themselves 'gender non-binary' or 'grey gendered' or 'agendered'. To me (and once again, only my opinion based on what i've seen) these aren't 'genders' but personality traits given a new name.


To me there is a gender binary with a personality spectrum.


This is what I thought @Captain Gensokyo meant by 'new-age "gender revolution" movement'

 

[kibou]

I'm not really speaking about actual trans people MtF and FtM, I was more talking about the people that call themselves 'gender non-binary' or 'grey gendered' or 'agendered'. To me (and once again, only my opinion based on what i've seen) these aren't 'genders' but personality traits given a new name.


To me there is a gender binary with a personality spectrum.


This is what I thought @Captain Gensokyo meant by 'new-age "gender revolution" movement'

oh lol, i assumed gensokyo was talking about binary trans people too, since this thread never even mentioned nonbinary genders.


some nonbinary people experience body and social dysphoria too though, i know at least one person who does and is taking steps to deal with it, pretty much everyone i know who's trans speaks more about dysphoria in relation to their transness than any personality shit. but i also interact with people my age more. 


i know there's people who use really obscure or weird and "snowflakey" labels but i dont worry about it personally, most of them are probably young, just having fun/experimenting, and will grow out of it.

 

[StarBabyPixel]

oh lol, i assumed gensokyo was talking about binary trans people too, since this thread never even mentioned nonbinary genders.


some nonbinary people experience body and social dysphoria too though, i know at least one person who does and is taking steps to deal with it, pretty much everyone i know who's trans speaks more about dysphoria in relation to their transness than any personality shit. but i also interact with people my age more. 


i know there's people who use really obscure or weird and "snowflakey" labels but i dont worry about it personally, most of them are probably young, just having fun/experimenting, and will grow out of it.

The only reason I brought it up is since most young people do go through that phase of learning about themselves and can get swept up in the whole 'gender spectrum' thing, since feeling out of alignment with your body is a pretty natural thing for adolescents to go through. and not being the perfect stereotype of your gender is something quite normal for these last few generations


but yeah, full understanding and respect to those who have body/social dysphoria.

 

[kibou]

The only reason I brought it up is since most young people do go through that phase of learning about themselves and can get swept up in the whole 'gender spectrum' thing, since feeling out of alignment with your body is a pretty natural thing for adolescents to go through. and not being the perfect stereotype of your gender is something quite normal for these last few generations


but yeah, full understanding and respect to those who have body/social dysphoria.

yeah, that makes sense. i got pretty into the obscure and unnecessarily complicated labels for orientation when i was like 14 (like have you ever even heard of cupioromantic? no? not surprised) but id say i turned out fine. honestly other than getting hate about being a special snowflake i cant think of anything particularly bad that might come out of it for someone, and i think i had used it as a way to figure out my own identity better. 


i dont identify the way i used to, and yeah it was a little cringey, but i dont really think it was necessarily harmful


(edited a bit for wording)

 

[jinkx]

i'm non-binary wassup it's valid


guess what non-binary/genderfluidity can be traced back to ancient times it's not a new thing at all whoop whoop


@ the OP: take your time dude, not everything has to make sense right away just call yourself whatever pronouns you're comfortable with and don't think too hard about it ^.^

 

[Cavil]

From what I've seen, you're still fairly young, so curiosity about the opposite gender or what it would be like if you were of the opposite gender is fairly common in this stage of life. I wouldn't spend too much time trying to fit yourself into a box yet. 


That being said, take time to explore your inner self. Stuff like this can wait a few years. Cheers.

 

[Necromantic]

Today I was doing some reading on trans characters, so I can write them more correctly, and that led to some reading up on gender stuff. I am AFAB, and have always felt that that was correct. I certainly don't feel like a guy, and I definitely prefer the she/her pronouns. But there is a part of me that really doesn't fit with the cis-female definition. And if I woke up as a guy one day, I wouldn't mind. I also really hate having boobs. So, basically, I'm just having some trouble figuring out what I am.


Insights?

Here's a hello from your friendly neighborhood transmale. So, clearly, I identify as male, but was born female. The thing is, I don't really seem to have a singular "Manly" bone in my body. I'm obsessed with cute things, love the colour pink, like almost anything that's sparkly and pink, watch almost strictly rom-coms, and so-on, so forth. The only thing that I have a problem with about my body is the fact that I have breasts, and I get uncomfortable when my hair gets long. I've had so many people question my gender because of my interests, it's kind of ridiculous at this point. Still, I feel like I should identify as male, so I do. And I feel far more comfortable with people referring to me as "he" than i do "she".


Now let's look at my moms! I have two of them. The one that gave birth to me is, for lack of better terms, a very butch lesbian. I'm ninety-nine percent sure that, at the age of 39, she could bench-press my 110 lb ass. Now, she's also very uncomfortable with her breasts and genuinely may be the manliest person ive ever met. Still, she feels comfortable with herself as a woman and doesn't feel like she should identify as male. 


My other mom has no qualms describing herself as a lipstick lesbian (though im pretty sure even she's closer to the "manly" side of the spectrum than i will ever be). Very effeminate, comfortable with her body, still identifies as a woman. 


Gender, dysphoria, and all that fun shit are all on completely different things. I've had some trans friends who didn't experience any dysphoria at all, but just felt closer to the other gender. I've met some very dysphoric cis people. Don't feel pressed to try to stick yourself in one mold or the other, you'll just stress yourself. Take some time, experiment around. There are plenty of people out there who think theyre trans and then are like "woah this isnt right for me" and back out of it. 


I can't tell you anything about nonbinary, agender, or anything like that. I'll respect someone's choices and refer to them as their chosen pronouns but im not sure what nonbinary technically means. 

 

[Autumn McJavabean]

The area you speak of is much clearer than people tend to make it.

Let me first start by saying anything that is non-binary, including agender (which is somehow a non-binary gender but not a gender at the same time; a paradox for another day) is supported by absolutely no form of evidence. They're just ambiguous terms applies to a spectrum with an already given name that is often overtly conflated. People see these terms as fitting, which is fine I used to also, but there's no evidence and the concept is odd from my point of view and from research as well as public discourse. And yes, I ave associated with these people and I'm plenty knowledgeable about the trans community (in case I'm discredited for having a contrary opinion).

It's only supported in academia via psychology, not biology in anyway. I'd be hard pressed to find multiple scholarly peer-reviewed sources that actually support that notion. Even if it sounds nice, which it does.

Non-binary simply means you're neither male or female, but in between. You could be a mix of both or shift from one to the other. These terms generally are about the scale of femininity and masculinity as commonly understood in contemporary western civilizations.

I know some will suggest non-binary is a thing because African tribes or other historical means, but they should understand we used to think blacks were different than whites, which we know for a fact is invalid. We also used to think the world was flat and that Gods lived on mountains. So arguing from the past or history doesn't make it valid. But you're more than welcome to accept it, I just simply suggest skepticism before jumping down that rabbit hole and to follow the scientific evidence.

I have done the research, which is why I no longer associate with that party.

The reason I've done the research into not just scholarly files, but actual interviews is because I'm a journalist and I've done stories on it. So it's something I had to do. Well, it was an op-ed and I always include sources in my op-eds.

I also know the site doesn't like people claiming they're "professionals", but unlike many here, I actually can prove my credentials very easily with the site, clips, and overall knowledge.



Now, with that said, you are and only ever transgender if you actually transition or attempt to do so. I say attempt because not everyone can, both legally and or financially. It's quite expensive and comes with much hardships and pain.

You're in the boat where you could really go either way, it seems. The best way to think of it is to rely on a few mental experiments.

First, if you could pick your gender/sex like you can in most games, what would you pick?

Why did you pick that?

What if you were forced the opposite? Would this affect you negatively?

How comfortable do you feel now?

These types of questions put you in a metaphysical realm that not only questions your sex/gender, but your position on both sides, being cis or not cis.

The other question I think should be asked, since you said it, is what is "Feel" in this context? "I don't feel like a boy" or "I don't feel like a girl" and sometimes the other way: "I feel like a girl" or "I feel like a boy". How does one feel like that? What does feeling like a boy feel like?

Personally, it's perplexing and I'm not sure if you mean masculine or powerful or dominant (characteristics of males, typically).

It should be noted that this is never something that one can answer in a single night. Many transgendered people who have gone through what you are going through or have, put much thought in before making a final judgement. Even if they say "I have always felt", I promise you, they have contemplated their decisions. Not all, but many have.

I highly, highly suggest you question yourself. Why do you have these thoughts? Why do you feel X? What does feel mean? Preform generic dialects with yourself to find the truth. And, if possible, talk to a mental health professional. They're trained to talk about this. Just make sure you research them before hand, some are odious and obtuse and will often speak of evidence when it's stacked against them. I say this as someone who spoke to a psychologist claiming something to me only to learn how ass-backwards her logic was.

Be open minded and talk to the queer community. Experiment and enjoy yourself.

There's one good benefit to the concept of agender. And that is you should look in the mirror, erase any notion you have of gender and don't see yourself as either male or female. Then start walking, talking, dressing and overall acting how you wish. Which pronoun do you prefer? He/him or she/her? Once you've settled that, then you can settle in the gender you believe is the right fit.

 

[Autumn McJavabean]

I'm not really speaking about actual trans people MtF and FtM, I was more talking about the people that call themselves 'gender non-binary' or 'grey gendered' or 'agendered'. To me (and once again, only my opinion based on what i've seen) these aren't 'genders' but personality traits given a new name.


To me there is a gender binary with a personality spectrum.


This is what I thought @Captain Gensokyo meant by 'new-age "gender revolution" movement'

Actually, the thought process, if you study them and watch them and listen to them and their reasoning's, it very much is a personality rather than a gender. But the problem with modern times in this discussion is people have preconceived notions of what "gender" is.

You have people who associate it with and only with sex. Gender is sex.

Then you have people who see it completely different. You have gender expression, how you express yourself. And a few others.

When gender is brought up, no one, and almost literally no one defines gender for the topic. They never define it and back it up, they just spew sentences out as if it should be known.

For anyone who lived during the gay rights movement, and I mean before the march for marriage, I mean that homosexuality is OK and not something you send to some camp for therapy. Early 00's. W. Bush era.

During this time, people used gay as a slang for "stupid" "boring" "dull" "retarded" etc. It no longer means simply homosexuality. The gay crowed and the people who defended them even went so far as to make commercials as to why saying "that's so gay" was offensive by replacing gay with someones name.

The odiousness and asininity of this rhetoric is gay used to mean happy or gleeful, and then it was changed. These people didn't differentiate the two meaning of gay and assumed it was a mock of homosexuality or that homosexuality was stupid or bad. The same thing is currently happening with gender.

I also say this as someone who associates with the "non-binary" and queer crowed and has spoken to them extensively and once considered themselves as such, too. Which I no longer do for the same reason I am an agnostic areligious atheist.

 

[AThiefOfSpades]

Boobs are a fucking nuisance for a lot of people regardless of gender. If you don't like em, you have the right to get em lopped off or cut down no matter how you identify. I'm not going to tell you how to identify because in the long run thats dumb and will cause you more dysphoria. Just know when you do figure it out, I'll be here for ya!

 

[Axel The Englishman]

I'm alright with people who identify with the many different and colourful genders of today. Just don't go waving it around like a penis in everybody's face, 'cause that's just how you annoy people.

Also don't confuse Gender with Sex and so and so.

 

[IG42]

Tits are pretty inconvenient. Then again, I can't count the number of times i've crushed my balls against my seat. I'm waiting on the 2.0 model of humans.

You haven't had problems until you've had a positioning issue while doing rising trot on a horse.

 

[TeaMMatE11]

I think people get confused with gender and sexual identity.

You have female body parts. Biologically, you're female. It's that simple.

However identity is where stuff gets tricky. For example, I have friends who are all over the place - a couple gay, lesbian, bi, is what I have seen so far. I don't have any friends that are actually trans.

I feel like what sex you feel like/are attracted to are your identity, not your gender.

Those are my two cents. It may be a conservative view point, but that's my thoughts on it. Dunno if it makes any sense.