Character Critique Thread

[Necessity4Fun]

Hrm, I suppose I could tweak it, or add a third flaw somewhere to balance it out. Sadly, it's getting late for me, as I've got work in the morning. I'll think on that during work tomorrow and see what I can come up with, but I'm more than open to suggestions if you'd like to PM me any

Maybe in the morning >w< It's 4 AM for me at this point, concentration is loooow~
In fact, I let something else pass! Your traits are out of order! Loyal should come first (Positive trait) then the neutral ones 'Introvert' and 'Hard Worker' in either order and then 'Tactless/Brash' for a negative trait!
If you put them out of order it will confuse people ^^'

 

[ChaosZereul]

Maybe in the morning >w< It's 4 AM for me at this point, concentration is loooow~
In fact, I let something else pass! Your traits are out of order! Loyal should come first (Positive trait) then the neutral ones 'Introvert' and 'Hard Worker' in either order and then 'Tactless/Brash' for a negative trait!
If you put them out of order it will confuse people ^^'

Ah, haha, yeah, that was done thematically. I figured Tactless/Brash tied into Loyal, and all three kind of lead into revealing Zayne as an Introvert. I just made a quick Edit, but I can make one more quick one before bed.

 

[Necessity4Fun]

Ah, haha, yeah, that was done thematically. I figured Tactless/Brash tied into Loyal, and all three kind of lead into revealing Zayne as an Introvert. I just made a quick Edit, but I can make one more quick one before bed.

Your new edit shines such a new light to things >w<
Or maybe is because I'm tired, probably both XD

 

[ChaosZereul]

RICHARDS, Z.

• Stats
• General
• Appearance
• Biography
• Superpowers
• Skills and Flaws
• Tools & Weapons
• Gallery

• Heroism Meter
  Aspect	Scale	Total
  Courage	▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▱	08
  Altriusm	▰▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱	06
  Order	▰▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱	04
  Kindness	▰▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱	06
  Proaction	▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▱▱	07
  Diplomacy	▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	01
  Composure	▰▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱	04

  Ability Statistics
  Aspect	Scale	Total
  Health	▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱	03
  Strength	▰▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱	03-04
  Defense	▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱	03
  Agility	▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	02
  Intelligence	▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	02
  Willpower	▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	02
  Energy	▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱▱	05

  
  
• Full Name
  Zayne Amadeus Richards
  
  Nicknames
  Zee
  
  Codename
  "N/A"
  
  Gender
  Male
  
  Age
  18
  
  Rank
  B Rank
  
  Limiter
  Active, Level 2
  
  Role
  Student
• Race
  White Mongrel (blend of several European nations)
  
  Hair
  Red
  
  Eyes
  Brown
  
  Height
  6'1"
  
  Figure
  Well-toned Medium Build, 195 lbs.
  
  Notes
  Typically wears whatever’s comfortable, and as a result has a fairly poor sense of fashion.
  
  Has a black dragon tattoo on his right shoulder, a memento of receiving his black belt in Karate.
  
• 
  Loyal (+)
  Despite his normally brash nature, Zayne fairly often seeks companionship and comradery, which often leads him to see it in places where it may not exist. People acting friendly to him for long enough periods will look like true friends to him, and likewise he’s a very strong proponent of taking pride in one’s community, workplace, school, etc. His loyalty to these groups is nigh unwavering, and he'll do anything he can to protect these connections. However, he’s not blind, and will quickly break off any relationship that doesn’t reward him for his loyalty.
  
  Hard Worker (=)
  Zayne is never afraid to get his hands dirty, and is always willing to carry his own weight and then some, regardless of the task at hand. Unlike many his age, he knows the value of a hard day's work, and isn't afraid to volunteer for tasks most would shy away from.
  
  Introverted (=)
  Despite various attempts to prove the world otherwise, Zayne is a textbook Introvert, and dealing with other people, especially large numbers of them for extended periods of time, tends to drain him, causing him to become much more easily frustrated/agitated until he's given time to regain himself.
  
  Brash/Tactless (-)
  Zayne is not one to mince words, and will often prefer to speak his mind than keep matters to himself. He also has a bad habit of throwing himself into other people’s problems, even if he has little to nothing to gain from doing so. Lastly, he has almost no skill in diplomacy, and will often result to violence as a means to resolve an argument.
  
  
  History
  Zayne was born and raised in a small apartment complex in a suburban area of Pittsburg with an older sister, a younger half-brother, and his mother and step-father. None of them had powers, though he had heard that his biological father was a fairly mediocre super who never really used his powers and left them shortly before he was born. His mother met his step-father when he was around 3, and they got married when he was about 5, giving birth to his half-brother barely a year after that; he considers both of them true family, and hates when people try to classify them as anything less.
  
  His childhood was spent like most children’s, playing out either in the nearby park or with the few other children who lived in the area. While his family wasn’t poor, they also weren’t very well-off, so Zayne lived a fairly simple lifestyle. His street predominantly housed elder families, and so he came to know many of the adults as well or better than kids his age, and would often go out of his way to help them through whatever odd job they’d give him, like tending to their yards or petsitting.
  
  In school, while he would normally be a polite enough child, he’d have a bad tendency to get into fights with other kids, an unfortunate side-effect of having so few friends his age around his neighborhood. His school would eventually suggest martial arts as a way to let out his excess aggression, which his mother begrudgingly accepted, knowing the cost would be a bit much to add to their already-strained budget. This would ultimately prove helpful, however, as both the outlet and community greatly helped him. At 13, right before he started High School, he took a physical and was told he was a carrier of the A6G23 gene, but unlikely to ever manifest; he simply accepted this as fact and believed he’d just be another normal guy. While High School was certainly tough for him – his grades would seldom rise above a low C Average - his odd jobs around the neighborhood turned to a part-time job at 16 with one of his neighbors, a construction worker who could use a strapping young man to help with the heavy labor. Zayne took to this surprisingly well, working as hard, if not harder, than most of the adults. He’d also use some of his earnings to take over payment for his Karate lessons, which he was getting fairly proficient in.
  
  Life proceeded fairly well, until shortly after Zayne’s 18th birthday, and shortly after he received his first rank black belt. As he was returning from his part-time job, a fire broke out at his apartment complex. Fearing for not only his family, but of the other families that lived there, Zayne rushed in without a moment’s thought. His parents and older sister were still away at work, but his younger brother was home and scared. As soon as Zayne entered the apartment and found his brother, the ceiling started to give way, causing Zayne to rush to protect him. It was here that his powers manifested, turning into a barrier that surrounded himself and his brother, protecting them from the falling debris. Astonished, they exited the apartment to open ground, and Zayne, once he was sure his brother was safe, immediately rushed back in to try to save as many people as he could. As soon as he entered the second apartment, however, his barrier shattered, leaving him confused, but strangely invigorated. He pushed through the heat and debris until he found the apartment's residents - a couple and their baby - and as soon as he wished for it, his barrier returned to him. Elated, he guided the couple outside to safety, but almost as soon as they left his barrier shattered again. By this point, Zayne was too hyped up on adrenaline to care, wanting to save at least one more family if he could. He once again rushed in, but paused a moment to see if he could will his powers awake again. Sure enough, he managed a third barrier and immediately rushed in to find the residents, finding them somewhat easily. As he began to guide them out, a falling piece of debris caused his barrier to once again be shattered, but this time, Zayne energy seemed to vanish, causing him to pass out. Thankfully, by this point the firefighters had arrived, pulling Zayne and the apartment's residents to safety. Zayne woke up a couple hours later at the hospital, his family watching over him, his brother having told everyone of his exploits.
  
  It would only take a couple days for the Commonwealth to find him, where he was promptly diagnosed, given a thorough explanation of supers, ranked, and assigned to AEGIS. Zayne, however, was hesitant to leave; he wanted to continue living his life as a normal person, working hard to make his family and his community proud, and didn’t know the first thing about being a superhero. His family was quick to reassure him, however, proud of him for his valor and hopeful that he’ll be a fine superhero. With his family’s blessing, Zayne reluctantly agrees to enter AEGIS, hoping to understand his powers and figure out what he can do with them.
  
• Barrier
  Zayne can emit a biofield around his body that protects him from harm. The field seems to follow Zayne's own reasoning on what counts as "harmful" as it can "protect" him from things such as smoke and dust, but will easily let water through and allow him to both touch and be touched. Depending on how he wants to handle the danger, Zayne can Negate, Reflect, Halt, Deflect, or Mitigate most anything. The field can also be expanded to roughly the size of an average room - around 12' in diameter with Zayne always at the center - but the field loses some of its efficacy by doing so.
  
  To anything Zayne doesn't deem "harmful," the barrier acts much like a bubble towards, pushing away light objects and enveloping anything it can't push away. When set up against a solid object it can't envelop, the barrier will contort accordingly; if the barrier hits a roof, the top of the bubble will flatten out accordingly, and likewise Zayne's barrier doesn't burrow underground, instead laying flat on the surface. Once it leaves Zayne's body, it also takes on a vague color that will shift corresponding to its health - White when it's at its absolute highest, followed by blue (its most common undamaged color), then green, yellow, orange, and finally red.
  
  
  • Additional Barriers: Zayne can create up to two additional barriers before needing to rest, but Zayne must wait at least 10 minutes between each barrier in order to craft them without penalty. If this is ignored, the penalty comes when the additional barrier is broken. After the second barrier is broken, Zayne will feel a significant drop in his stamina, as though he had just ran a marathon on top of whatever he's been doing. After the third, Zayne will suffer mental exhaustion that will almost assuredly cause him to pass out. These penalties can be mitigated somewhat by waiting at least some time between each barrier, but only waiting the full 10 minutes can completely negate the penalty. Finally, regardless of when they're formed, the subsequent barriers will always be weaker than the previous, with the second having ~70-75% of the original's health, and the third having ~50%.
  • Armor Break: When the field is broken, the resulting shattered energy rushes into Zayne, giving him increased strength for a brief period that grows shorter with each subsequent barrier. After the first barrier, he gains increased strength for roughly 5 minutes, after the second, 2 1/2 minutes, and after the third, only 1 minute. Furthermore, activating a new barrier while his strength boost is active will negate this boost.
  
  Limitations
  
  
  • My Body is a Temple: The health of Zayne's barriers is tied directly to both Zayne's physical and mental health. While a boost in adrenaline or other such temporary augmentation can improve his barrier's health for a brief time, consistent use of these things will naturally cause harm to Zayne's body, harming his barrier as a result. Furthermore, although Zayne would never really see it as an option, simply because he sees it as too expensive, Cybernetic augmentations would actually harm his barrier's health, as its source lies within his biology.
  • Insufficient Energy Consumption: By default, Zayne's barrier tries to repel or negate dangerous materials - going back to the example of smoke and dust, his barrier actively removes them from the air instead of, say, pushing them to the side or collecting them like a filter. While this is the most effective way to avoid "harm," it is also the least efficient way for the barrier to do so, as it expends several times the amount of energy to negate a danger as it would to deflect or even mitigate. In order for the latter to occur, however, would require Zayne to consciously control his barrier and allow said dangers to enter, which can be very difficult, bordering on impossible, to do in the heat of the moment.
  • This Ain't No Video Game: Zayne's barrier does not adhere to the age-old gaming mechanic of shields with a sliver of health remaining taking a big, certainly lethal hit and shattering with no harm done to the bearer. If Zayne's barrier can't withstand an attack, it will shatter, and the resulting force will continue onward, though obviously with a proportionately lessened amount of force behind it.
  • Won't Cost You an Arm and a Leg: If used in an attack, Zayne's Barrier can handle just about any material imaginable, save for one: living tissue. If a living person tries to attack Zayne's barrier - not with a weapon, but with their own body - the best the Barrier will do against them is mitigate some of the kinetic energy, then allow them to pass. Weapons used by living people don't share this weakness, however; Zayne can deflect, halt, or even negate the weapon if it's used to attack him. Unfortunately, a clever person could just walk through the barrier while holding a weapon and neither will come to harm, leaving Zayne relatively helpless inside his own Barrier.
• 
  Black Belt (+): Zayne has a Black Belt in traditional Karate, and eagerly wants to learn more styles of martial arts. When not training his powers or taking classes, Zayne will often rehearse old kata and practice new ones he picks up from the Internet.
  
  Combative (-): Zayne isn’t afraid of getting into a fight, even if it’s against someone older and/or more experienced. In fact, in cases where someone tries to insult/threaten him – or worse, his friends/family – he’s all the faster to resort to violence, as his verbal arsenal is incredibly limited.
  
  Kinesthetic Learner (+): Zayne learns best by doing, and anything he can learn by doing he learns far faster than through traditional schooling. As such, he often excelled in Home Economics and Shop Class, the former being bolstered by taking care of his younger brother at home and the latter being bolstered by his time working in Construction. However, as long as it’s something he can learn by being hands-on, he’s never afraid to try.
  
  Academically Inept (-): While Zayne can learn well by doing, he’s utterly terrible at learning in any other fashion. One-sided lectures tend to put him to sleep, rote memorization rarely provides results, even combining audio-books to physical books doesn’t seem to do much. Furthermore, Zayne was diagnosed at a young age with ADD, which he still combats with, though less so in recent years.
  
  Good-Hearted (+): Zayne is very big on helping others, and will often offer his services even when he wasn’t directly asked for them. Moreover, with those he trusts, those whom he’s come to know well, he’s even more willing to help, often having trouble saying no to even unreasonable requests. He does know his limits, however, and won’t take on more than he can handle.
  
  "Foot-in-Mouth Disease" (-): A term his mother coined, Zayne is occasionally unable to articulate what he's thinking. He doesn't stutter, but rather the words in his head won't quite reach his mouth, usually resulting in a garbled mess of sound effects instead of words. This tends to happen more often when Zayne is nervous or excited, and while it's ultimately harmless, it's still something Zayne wishes he could better control.
  
  
• 
  Katana & Bokken: Since he started his part-time job, Zayne had purchased a couple of weapons to hopefully learn how to use at his Karate school. His first purchase was a Bokken – or wooden sword – and he would later buy a fully-functional katana from a weapons convention. He chose to bring the katana along, feeling it might see some use in his superpower training, but for actual practice he’ll defer to the bokken.
  
  Twin Tonfa: a much more recent purchase, Zayne was fascinated by the Tonfa when one of his Karate Masters demonstrated the weapon. Unfortunately, he has zero training with the weapon, but brought it along as well, just in case.
  
• 
  
  Zayne's Tattoo
  

  

  
  
  
  Zayne with his hair down
  ​

OK, tweaked the Biography Points to be in the correct order, better articulated Zayne's power, and added a third Flaw to balance out Good-Hearted.

EDIT: Once again better articulated Zayne's power, AND added a fourth Weakness to go in line with the prompt I've been writing!

 

[Necessity4Fun]

Cortez, R

• Stats
• General
• Appearance
• Biography
• Relationships
• Superpower
• Skills and Flaws
• Tools & Weapons

• Heroism Statistics
  Aspect	Scale	Total
  Courage	▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▱	08
  Altruism	▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▱▱	07
  Order	▰▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱	06
  Kindness	▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱▱	05
  Proaction	▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰	09
  Diplomacy	▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱▱	05
  Composure	▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▱	08

  Ability Statistics
  Aspect	Scale	Total
  Health	▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	02
  Strength	▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	02
  Defense	▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	02
  Agility	▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	02
  Intelligence	▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱	03
  Willpower	▰▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱	04
  Energy	▰▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱	06

• Full Name
  Renellius Cortez
  
  Nicknames
  Nate
  
  Codename
  N/A
  
  Gender
  Male
  
  Age
  19
  
  Rank
  B Rank
  
  Limiter
  Active, Level 2
  
  Role
  Student
• Race
  Hispanic
  
  Hair
  Black
  
  Eyes
  Dark Blue
  
  Height
  5' 9''
  
  Figure
  Skinny, 143.9 lbs
  
  Notes
  Always wears cargo pants, doesn't matter if it's a solid color or camouflage, and has a red bandanna either on his arm or neck.
• Thoughtful
  Renellius is empathetic, generous, and kind, doing his best to offers those who need a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on and is extremely mindful of others' feelings and needs. If a person is clearly in need of whatever they requested, Renellius wouldn't take too long to grant it and wouldn't care about the amount of money/effort spent to accomplish the task, as long as it is within his power to do so.
  
  Responsive
  As a general problem solver and a quick thinker, Renellius has the tendency to be the first to respond. He's quick on the draw and capable of coming up with solutions for things in an impressively short time. Just give him a call and there he goes! At the same time, he's a really good listener, will take others' suggestions nicely and change his trail of thought accordingly when he needs to.
  
  'Pathological' Altruism
  His struggles at life have given Renellius a burning desire to shield others from the suffering he has been through and provide them whatever they need to be happy. This dedication to such a 'cause' sometimes goes over his head, making him forget or overshadow his own needs and desires in the process. He gets so worked up about helping everyone else that he ends up with little to no time to himself. When in a fight, this trait manifests itself via a tendency to throw himself in the front and serve as a human shield to others.
  
  Rash
  To those who have earned his ire, Renellius can be really aggressive and go as far as pushing his moral code aside to teach the person a good lesson. If he has been seriously hurt or offended, he might deem the perpetrators unworthy of his mercy and get carried away when responding to the aggression. This is mostly verbal, but could also range to violence depending on the offence taken.
  
  
  History
  Sent from Mexico to South Texas by his poor family, Renellius Cortez went to live with his uncle, Manuel, when he was 10 years old so that he could have better conditions and a proper education. There, he went to school normally, but also learned all about his uncle's profession, mechanic, eventually helping around the shop and fixing things himself.
  Manuel Cortez noticed that his nephew had an unusual aptitude for the job: he would understand instructions really well, constantly accomplish new tasks successfully on the first try and even guess which tools to use where just by looking at them for a while. It was truly exceptional for such a young age, a talent that should not go to waste. He proceeded to encourage the young man to indulge in the area.
  
  At age 14, Renellius got accepted into a Technology Institute in Baltimore, the many of multiple schools he had applied for and the most promising looking one from the few he had indeed passed. Having been offered quite the generous cut from the monthly fee and a place to stay on campus, he took it as the door to a possible life change and moved on.
  There he had two blocks of classes, one that had electrical engineering as their focus, specific classes, and another that was mandatory to all students composed of Math, Reading, Science and Social Studies, called 'core' classes. Life was great and despite a few gaps here an there due to his simple upbringing Renellius managed to adapt his own rhythm to the school's, that is, until something very unexpected happened.
  
  It was a really important practical assignment and though he was sure that he had read the books required at least twenty times, he was drawing a blank about what exactly the words had been. The silence of the white classroom was mortifying, the tic-tac of the clock on the wall only served to make him even more nervous! The young man went over the instructions again in his mind, one, two, ten times, he was sure there was one bit he was remembering wrong, but what was it?
  A student yelled in the background, breaking his concentration and then, he realized a huge mess of components over his desk... He could swear half of these weren't there before! How had components from all over the class ended up on top of his table??
  
  Some of his colleagues had an idea of what was going on, the teacher certainly did, calling the authorities right away. A really confused Renellius was then taken to the Commonwealth building, shown a recording of pieces of circuits 'floating' to his table, even assembling themselves together, and had a long, long explanation about supers given to him. Once he was less confused, he proceeded to get tested, ranked and assigned to AEGIS. And that was it, one single day, it had been all it took to throw his life into disarray...
  Now, a year later, Renellius has warmed up to the idea of being a superhero someday. Inspired by the many classes at 108 and his own progress with his power, he's striving for a blue card and making a living as a vigilante. Renellius' ultimate goal is to drag his family out of poverty and perhaps, he'd accomplish to do so easier as a vigilante than as an electrical engineer. Only time will say.
• Manuel Cortez
  Renellius' Uncle who is a mechanic, has a shop and with who Renellius spent part of his childhood with. Noticed how easier the young man picked up the tools of his trade and encouraged him to follow that path and even go beyond with it. If he only knew just how right he was!
• Technopathy
  A sub-type of Telekinesis. It is the ability to manipulate and/or tamper with technology with merely one's mind. Renellius Cortez is capable of assembling, disassembling and even doing more precise tasks (exchanging parts) to machines and devices simply by concentrating on a task he wishes to accomplish and willing them to happen. The components and parts nearby will then proceed to stick together in the desired positions, resulting in the creation a device or machine. These can also be released from each other just as easily.
  For objects to be affected this way, they need to be a piece of technology, meaning they must be associated with appliances, devices, machines and mechanical inventions, without criteria on how complex they can be. For an example, his ability can still work perfectly with nails and screws because despite not being a lot by themselves, they're able to be used as a part of a bigger whole, as long as that end result does indeed fit the definition of technology.
  
  
  • Faint Electromagnetism Manipulation: The connection between the components of his own created machines are done by magnetic adherence. When he wills certain parts together, they're polarized in a way that the sides that are supposed to stick to each other receive opposite charges, thus making them 'glue' to each other. This process repeated to every connection of a creation and are strong enough that the structure can maintain itself without being joined by any screws and cables if he so desires them to be. It allows room for some very unique and rather unusual designs to be brought to life.
    His control over electromagnetism however doesn't end in the macro scale but also pertains the micro world. Renellius is capable of manipulating even the charges of atomic particles of all metals, polarizing and magnetizing them as described above even if the object does not classify as technology. It is, however, weak by itself, meaning that he could use it to 'glue', for example, two coins to each other making them magnetic and they would remain like so until their charges are neutralized again, but not much more beyond that.
  • Mechanical Constructs: Renellius power allows him to create all sorts of constructs, as long as the materials are present, but when the desire is to make a robot, things change a little bit. Every robot must be given a purpose upon it's creation. These can range from very specific orders such as a chain of commands, something as vague as 'protect me' or even something simple and silly such as 'sit there and look cute'. Upon complexion of the first task the construct remains inert until it is given a new purpose. A task can be changed before it's complexion, but there's a slight delay before it moves again, due to the removal of the older order and the input of a new one.
    Renellius and all of his robot creations are connected by a mental link, allowing an order to be relayed by thought as long as the constructs are in range. Out of range, a robot will instantly stop moving, having fulfilled its purpose or not. Potentially, Renellius can also grant his constructs an A.I., making them fully autonomous, able to make their own decisions even if still subordinated to him. This last ability is, however, not something he can do at will at the moment.
  
  Limitations
  
  • You May Only Be this Tall: As long as they're in range and there is enough material in the ambient, there may as many constructs, and they may be as tiny, as possible. There is, however, one extra limitation size limitation: no single construct can be taller than 11' 8''.
  • Remain Close: Renellius' robot creations can be separated into three categories due to their size: Small, Medium, and Large. Small and Medium constructs can move in a radial distance of a max of 50ft away from him, at least if they're a size lower than 8 ft. Go beyond that and the range will become shorter and shorter as the size grows until you reach mounting-only territory at 11 ft. Constructs that size may only move for as long as Renellius is riding on top of it, like a war mount.
  • Clock is Ticking: Akin to the conventional methods of doing it, building things with his power requires time and patience. A small construct takes a minute to be ready, the medium ones from 3 to 10 and the large, mount ones take 30 to 45 minutes. How long a build will take depends on the design, type of the material, size of the material and distance prior attachment (where all the pieces were before), thus making it so that each singular construct will have it's own required time of wait and rarely share it exactly with another construct, no matter how similar they are.
  • Getting packed: The "as long as there is material to work with and it's in range" rule doesn't apply to a situation where a large robot construct is active. It takes a big toll on Renellius' mental network to the point that he is unable to keep all of the mental links 'up and running' while riding it. Thus, he may only keep 4 small robots or a medium one plus 2 small ones or 2 medium-sized ones active, along with the large one. Any other robots in the area will go inactive even if they're still in range. Using the large construct makes Renellius incredibly fatigued afterwards. As a consequence, as soon as the large construct is disassembled he needs to rest and is unable to use his power again until he does so.
  • Interference: Since his ability depends on mental links, the mental attacks of a telepathic super can create severe interference and hinder Renellius power useless for as long as the interference is in effect. Other electromagnetic supers and anything else that can possibly tamper with the magnetic connections is also a bother.
    In a similar way, the presence of barriers between him and his robot constructs makes the exchange of orders take a lot more of effort, wearing him tired a lot faster. It is better to just remain in the same room as the constructs through all times.
  • Shut down: If Renellius' mental network is completely blocked, he stops focusing into it at all, is knocked out or he gets so tired that he ends up passing out, the whole 'system' goes into 'shut down'. His power quits working, prompting all constructs that were being held together by the electromagnetic connections to instantly crumble and collapse back into merely its individual parts, robots and not-robots alike.
• Skills
  
  
  • Cooking: When you're the member of a poor family, cooking becomes a very important skill to guarantee survival. As such, Renellius has been taught and harbouring this skill from a very young age, to the point that, if he so desired, he could work as a chef and probably be successful in the field.
  • Patience: Due to his struggles in life, Renellius has learned that panicking when results take time to come doesn't help. In fact, by panicking, one could easily make a terrible decision and throw the good thing that was yet to arrive out of the window. As such, he has learned to wait for people to act at their own pace and things to get better. It's extremely hard to get in the nerves of this guy, as he's able to put up with even the most annoying of types.
    Patience is also a big key to his power since the constructs take a while to get ready, even if they're technically building themselves. If he couldn't keep his attention on them during the time needed, he'd never get anything built.
  • Focus: Renellius knows the importance of concentrating fully on the task at hand. When given something to do he's capable of perfectly sticking with it until it's done, despite the amount of distracting elements there could be in the background.
    To best use his power, Renellius has trained this skill so that he's able to tune out the outside world when using it, but also return his attention to the environment in a heartbeat just in case he needs to be aware of something. It's almost as if he has a 'focus switch' designed to quickly change tasks.
  • Creativity: Renellius has always been one to think out of the box. When there's a problem to be solved and everyone else seems to be stuck with that one tiny detail that's missing, he's usually the one to point it out or either come up with a completely different thing altogether, which might just be what they needed.
    This tendency to a different point of view when allied to the knowledge of engineering and tools he has acquired from both watching his uncle work, and the course on technology he has attended to, would have already made Renellius reliable, pair that with his power then and you get a force to be reckoned with. He's capable of vividly picturing piece by piece of anything he'd like to build, as well as imagine how devices he has never seen before are built, just by hearing about what they do and what components they have.
  
  
  Flaws
  
  
  • Overthinking: There's always a change that when Renellius needs to make a very important decision, he'll start going over all of the options, again and again, accounting for a number of extra things that wouldn't actually influence the decision at all... In the end, he might make something extremely simple into a castle of pros and cons needlessly.
    This flaw also comes up when Renellius is dealing with someone he considers an authority in a given situation. Afraid to give the impression of being a fool to said person, he might trip over his trail of thought and assign interpretations to the other' words that weren't there in the beginning, possibly causing all sorts of misunderstandings in the process.
  • Penny-pincher: Coming from a struggling and needy family, Renellius has grown into the kind of person that saves money whenever it is possible. Meanwhile his altruistic tendencies will make him give urgency to other's people's needs before his own, desiring they don't go through need the same way he has in life, he will still categorize the things asked into 'wants' or 'needs' in case he's approached for money, meaning it is not always given that he will comply with the request. Renellius will not put his health at risk by buying only from the cheapest brands in existence, but at the same time will always go for a middle ground between quality and price when affording the things he needs.
  • Terrible Liar: When telling a lie, Renellius will get nervous, lose his trail of thought and stammer a lot while trying to say whatever he was supposed to. It would take a huge amount of effort, practice and rehearsal before he's able to deceive anyone.
  • Distrust: Renellius is very distrusting of strangers. Not used to having people approach him first, especially if they're notably on a different economic standing than himself, he'll grow suspicious, wondering what their reasons to approach are and if they're just interacting because there's some self-gain in play (maybe they want something). It takes him a while to warm up to new people.
• Renellius always brings with him a grey, rectangular toolbox, which contains an array of different tools in case he wants to tinker with something in the old-fashion way or his powers just aren't enough for the task. Anything with a handle has it in a red shade, for some consistency:
  
  Hammer: [Tool] Just a normal, 8 inches long, claw hammer. Both head and handle are made of steel and its end is covered by an anti-slip rubber to make one's grip on it even more stable. It's good for when you need to, well, hammer things into place and also remove nails.
  
  Screwdriver: [Tool] A 10 inches long screwdriver with interchangeable bits, that are stored inside its handle. The handle slides out presenting all of the neatly organized different bits inside, held in place by little plastic 'clamps', then slides back in for use, merely give it a twist to lock everything into place. Untwist it to open and change bits again.
  
  Pack of Wrenches: [Tools] Actually has its own, similarly colored box and thus is stored away from all the other tools. Its filled with every type of combination and socket wrenches one could ever need. Extremely useful.
  
  Pliers: [Tool] Is 9 inches long and as every other pliers, has an insulated grip to avoid the user getting electrocuted while using it. Has a lifetime warranty and is rust resistant. Really strong and multi-use tool.
  
  Wire Cutters: [Tool] Also called diagonal pliers or cutting pliers. Is 8 inches long and has the same properties as the pliers. In fact, they were bought together and might even be from the very same brand. Obviously has fewer uses than it's not diagonal cousin.

Lemon Boy The traits have been re-ordered like you suggested, Rash is now the Negative trait, and 'Pathological Altruism' is Neutral

Mech has though, asked to maintain the 3 points in agility, argumenting that working as a mechanic really helps develop a person's dexterity, coordination and such. It's not being used to effectively display agility as speed in here, but whether little things like that, which would also go into agility.
Makes sense to me, honestly.

Also, I had written a bit on the Uncle in relationships (nothing that the History doesn't tell tho) and it somehow hadn't been included in the first versions, it has been included now.

There are also a bunch of grammatic corrections because this is now my computer, so Grammarly is a thing XD

 

[The J]

Lemon Boy The traits have been re-ordered like you suggested, Rash is now the Negative trait, and 'Pathological Altruism' is Neutral

Mech has though, asked to maintain the 3 points in agility, argumenting that working as a mechanic really helps develop a person's dexterity, coordination and such. It's not being used to effectively display agility as speed in here, but whether little things like that, which would also go into agility.
Makes sense to me, honestly.

Also, I had written a bit on the Uncle in relationships (nothing that the History doesn't tell tho) and it somehow hadn't been included in the first versions, it has been included now.

There are also a bunch of grammatic corrections because this is now my computer, so Grammarly is a thing XD

Agility 3 is meant to be the best of the best, peak human. People like olympians. He may be a pretty coordinated mechanic, but it's still just a 2 - the system is very blunt like that.

 

[Necessity4Fun]

And here's is why I don't do critiques, it would have been fine to me and I would have screwed up XD

Uhh, it's getting a bit hard for me to relay messages back and forth like this (and explain things, since, well, not my idea anyway), so I'mma just tag him and let you two discuss it directly now >w<
The Mechanist

 

[The Mechanist]

Agility 3 is meant to be the best of the best, peak human. People like olympians. He may be a pretty coordinated mechanic, but it's still just a 2 - the system is very blunt like that.

A level 3 agility is an Olympian? Really? One would assume max level agility is Olympian level

 

[Necessity4Fun]

A level 3 agility is an Olympian? Really? One would assume max level agility is Olympian level

Nope, above three is superpower level in the Power Stats. 1-3 is normal human, 1 being below average, 2 being average and 3 being above average.

I thought I had said this when we did the stats, though, it was so long ago I don't blame you for forgetting (If, I did say it...) ^^'

 

[The Mechanist]

Nope, above three is superpower level. 1-3 is normal human, 1 being below average, 2 being average and 3 being above average.

I thought I had said this when we did the stats, though, it was so long ago I don't blame you for forgetting ^^'

It was actually a year ago ^^ then we got busy with school and life and had to set it aside, if that's case let's change it 2 and apply the extra point somewhere else

 

[Necessity4Fun]

And there we go, he decided to go with Sin's suggestion and move it from Agility to Energy

Turns out it was all a bit of a misunderstanding and I gotta say it is incredibly hard to walk someone else through the entire CS process XD

But I think this covers everything >w<

 

[JustNicole]

Campbell, O.

 

[welian]

The Mechanist Post your character in their own thread now plz k thx

 

[Malikai]

Negrete, C

• Stats
• General
• Appearance
• Biography
• Relationships
• Superpower
• Skills and Flaws
• Tools & Weapons
• Gallery

• Heroism Statistics
  Aspect	Scale	Total
  Courage	▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰	09
  Altruism	▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱▱	05
  Order	▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	02
  Kindness	▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	02
  Proaction	▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▱	08
  Diplomacy	▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	01
  Composure	▰▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱	06

  Ability Statistics
  Aspect	Scale	Total
  Health	▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱	03
  Strength	▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱	03
  Defense	▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱	03
  Agility	▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▱	08
  Intelligence	▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	01
  Willpower	▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	02
  Energy	▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	01

• Full Name
  Clara Sofía Díaz Negrete
  
  Nicknames
  Just Clara
  
  Codename
  Spool or Bundle
  
  Gender
  Female
  
  Age
  26
  
  Birthday
  January 19, 2014
  
  Rank
  B Rank
  
  Limiter
  Inactive Level 2
  
  Role
  Vigilante in STEVEN
  
• Race
  Peruvian
  
  Hair
  Light Brown; Long, usually in a ponytail
  
  Eyes
  Yellowed Green
  
  Height
  5'11"
  
  Figure
  Well Built with Muscles Clearly Showing, 160 lbs.
  
  Notes
  Often Wearing the yellow sunglasses shown in the image
  
• Dependable
  Clara is a very dependable/loyal person. She sticks by her friends and teammates, and she wouldn't dare leave them in a bad situation without trying to help. This also leads her to going out of her way for her friends, even if they don't ask at times. When she gets asked to do something and she says she will do something then she can be counted to stay true to her word. This includes something she might not be keen to do, she realizes that her friends and teammates are just as important as her, and she's willing to risk herself for them.
  
  Cocky/Confident
  Clara hardly ever takes time to worry if she's doing something wrong, apart from worrying about how she acts on occasion, and is always sure of her next action. This includes both sides of her life, as she is ready to try out plans as soon as she feels confident enough in them. However this also leads to her not realizing when a bad plan or idea is bad, as she will feel confident enough to pull it off.
  
  Aggressive/Conflictive
  As much as Clara knows to rely on her team she also can't help but come into conflict on occasion. Of course this reaches far more than just her team. She can come off as quite pushy or otherwise aggressive with what she believes or thinks. In other words she isn't likely to just roll over and let somebody do what they want. If she disagrees with something or someone she'll let that fact be known. Even if that means getting people riled up over it.
  
  Rude
  Clara can often come across as insensitive or just plain rude when talking to people. Though she doesn't usually intend this, usually, there are times when she'll deliberately provoke somebody. Just about the only people off-limits in regards to this behavior are her teammates, and even they get some snark from her. To most people she can even seem a bit crude at times, making jokes about highly inappropriate things in a very inappropriate situation. Thankfully she tones this down while working.
  
  History
  Clara Negrete was born January 19, 2014 in Lima, Peru. She lived with her family on a farm just a few miles from the capital. Though she lived on a farm she rode on a bus to go to a school inside of the capital. When she was fifteen her father thought it would be best for her to see a bit more of the world, and so she was sent up to the United States to live in Texas. There she lived with her two cousins, Pedro and Kevin, helping them out with various farmwork. One day as she was working she suddenly felt her arm droop down unnaturally and when she looked she saw it was only just strings.
  
  One quick stop to the doctor's office let Clara know that she was a super. This of course completely changed her life, and rather than focus her attention on her already failing grades she put full emphasis on learning this new extension of herself. It was during this time that she went to SASS(South American Super Society) Facility 45 in Houston, Texas. It was there that she met Hool Carson. A dumb southerner that she quickly grew a crush on. Upon talking to him for longer than fifty seconds she just as quickly lost that crush. If she were to be considered dumb he wouldn't even be considered living. Thus he also didn't get the hint from her to back off, resulting in one occasion where he was admitted to the hospital for supposedly jumping onto a pole.
  
  After she graduated the facility she decided that a change of scenery would be nice and decided that Baltimore of all places would be a good place to go. Of course her reasoning for this was that she actually got an offer to join a vigilante group known as STEVEN. This group seems to be a good place to start her career as a vigilante, and she also is hoping it will bring a bit more excitement in what has otherwise been a fairly boring life for Clara.
  
  
  
• Clara's Parents
  
  Pedro Negrete and Kevin Negrete
  
  Hool Carson
  
  Charlie Harkins
  
  Olivia Campbell
  
  
• Body Unraveling
  Clara can unravel parts of her body into string. The string can still be moved around after it has been formed, and the string still carries out the abilities that it would provide. Such as if she were to unravel her heart it would keep beating for her as if nothing was wrong. Even if the piece of string were outside her body. She can also reform parts of her body back, but have them connected by just a string. Such as if she unraveled out her ear, pushed it under a doorway, and then formed up the string to create it on the other side.
  
  
  • And The Clothes Too!: Clara can also unravel her clothes or items that are in very close proximity to her. This means that no awkward situations arise where she unravels her body out of her clothes or anything. It also means she can unravel a weapon or phone as long as it is on her body.
  • As Quick As A Thought: She can unravel as soon as she thinks. So that means that if somebody shot at her, as long as she just thinks immediately to unravel her body out of the way she will do it. This also just means that she can move parts of her body as quick as she thinks, as long as she turns those parts into string.
  
  Limitations
  
  • No Disconnect: Clara still has to keep the string connected to her in some way. Whether that be with a part of her body or just connected to more string. In other words she can't create a part of her body into string and then cut it off. This also applies to the objects she changes into string.
  • ATCT Limit - VERY CLOSE: By close proximity, the meaning is, VERY CLOSE. As in it better be touching skin or be brushing up against her body.
  • ATCT Limit - Nobody Else: Just because somebody stands extremely close to Clara doesn't mean that she can turn them into string. It has to be an object or nonliving thing.
  • ATCT Limit - Size: The items she turns into string have to be the size of a briefcase or smaller. She can not turn a car into string just because she is close by.
  • Stress: The more of her body that Clara turns into string the more stress it puts on her body. Too much stress and she'll have to start changing back parts to normal. Clara could probably only have her whole body be string for about five minutes before she would need to start releasing some parts.
• + Damn Good Voice: Clara has a bit of practice with singing, and as long as she knows a song she could do pretty well with singing it.
  
  + Flexible: In the last five years Clara has undergone quite a bit of training to make sure she is flexible and agile. This is in part because of her power, but also it just helps to be fit.
  
  + Knot-Tying: Farmwork really taught Clara the proper way to tie a knot, and how to make sure that it would hold. Although a few years ago Clara might have worried she won't have rope for when this will actually matter her power has given her a different view of this.
  
  + Decent Shot: Clara is pretty great with shooting a rifle. Shooting off foxes and other critters helped train her aim so she didn't waste bullets.
  
  + Hand2Hand/Judo Training: Clara has been taking some lessons in fighting. Though she still has a long ways to go she's much above any common street thug or criminal. Her preferred method of dealing with criminals is to use throws, thus she focused more on her judo training.
  
  - Fragile Ego: While in her superhero personality she shows virtually no signs of this in most day-to-day life the cracks of this can kind of be seen. She holds up the cool persona to make her seem tough, but if somebody were to crack into that she would be at a loss for how to respond.
  
  - Imperfect Student: Clara was not one to really try much in school. Thus leading to her not having the best concepts of a lot of what was taught throughout middle school and high school. Ask her a math problem bigger than three digits and she'll stumble. Algebra is completely out of her league. Calculus would get a glare and a fairly rude gesture as her 'attempt'.
  
  - Peruvian Manners: Clara was raised to follow some stricter Peruvian manners. That means that she stands closer when talking to somebody than most Americans would likely be comfortable with. Though she certainly doesn't follow these Peruvian standards in relation to how she dresses.
  
• Blue Card: [Item] This is Clara's proof she is an approved super. Even though she doesn't need to show this, she still keeps it handy.
  
  Ruger LCP Pistol: [Weapon] Though she almost never carries this around with her on the job she does own a concealable pistol. Something which she does have a license for.
  
  Phone: [Item] Clara's phone. Shockingly, she uses this to call people and go online. Of course it also functions for some other practical features.
  
  Super Suit: [Suit] The suit that she wears when she goes out as a vigilante. It's not the most sturdy thing, but it could probably stop a knife or dull most punches.
  
• Spoiler: Her Vigilante Suit

  

  
  Yeah I know it's a bit lacking in one area, just imagine it bigger there.
  
  Text Color Used: #EC4D18
  Theme:
  
  
  

 

[Natealie]

Williams, A.

Made a new nerd for Episode 6.

 

[Lady Midnight]

NAKASHIMA, H

• Stats
• General
• Appearance
• Biography
• Relationships
• Superpower
• Skills and Flaws

• Heroism Statistics
  Aspect	Scale	Total
  Courage	▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▱	08
  Altruism	▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▱▱	07
  Order	▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱▱	05
  Kindness	▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▱▱	07
  Proaction	▰▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱	06
  Diplomacy	▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱	03
  Composure	▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱▱	05

  Ability Statistics
  Aspect	Scale	Total
  Health	▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	02
  Strength	▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	02
  Defense	▰▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱	04
  Agility	▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	03
  Intelligence	▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	02
  Willpower	▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱	02
  Energy	▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱▱	05

• Full Name
  Hitomi Nakashima
  
  Nicknames
  Firefly
  
  Codename
  N/A
  
  Gender
  Female
  
  Age
  23 Years Old
  
  Rank
  B Rank
  
  Limiter
  Active, Level 2
  
  Role
  Student
• Race
  Japanese/Korean American
  
  Hair
  Brown
  
  Eyes
  Brown
  
  Height
  5' 6''
  
  Figure
  Athletic/ 125 lbs
  
  Notes
  Is a fan of the Rokku Gyaru style. Her power makes it seem like there is an eternal fire in her eyes.
• Positive Personality Trait
  Compassionate - Hitomi will never turn down anyone in need of assistance. She strives to be like the heroes she saw on T.V. She’ll do anything to help out. Walk an old lady across the road? Of course! Cat stuck in a tree? Here kitty kitty.
  
  Neutral Personality Trait
  Energetic - She’s a burning ball of energy. A real firecracker if you will. Of course this is often kept within her shell, and is not something she publicly shows too often.
  
  Neutral Personality Trait
  Stylish - Hitomi really likes the street fashion of Japan, especially the Rokku Gyaru style. Even though she may ruin most of her outfits, she aims to dress nicely and in a way fits her.
  
  Negative Personality Trait
  Reckless - Hitomi is a woman of action for better or worse. Her feelings can cloud her judgement easily causing her to attack an enemy that she may/may not be prepared to handle.
  
  History
  Hitomi Nakashima was born on May 3rd, 2017 in San Francisco. Her parents were immigrants from Japan looking for a better opportunity for themselves and their child. Her mother, Yeong-Ja, worked as a seamstress and worked her way up to owning a fairly modest business with loyal customers. Yoshiro, her father, worked at an electrical factory and slowly climbed the corporate ladder to management. It took a while and was backbreaking work, but it was worth it coming home to his doting wife and loving daughter, Hitomi would often go see her parents working, slowly learning skills and terms as she observed. Since she was almost alway at her parent’s side, Hitomi had a hard time relating and befriending kids at school. That was until middle school where she would meet her future best friend in the energetic Leona Kingston. Her friendship with Leona would cause her to break out of her shell.
  
  Time passed and the two girls became very close. Close enough to where Leona would spend what time she could at the Nakashima’s house. The Nakashimas were very grateful for Leona for breaking Hitomi out of her shell. Hitomi would sometimes ask to meet Leona’s family but her friend would change the subject. As Hitomi went through her high school years, she noticed her body beginning to react differently when her friend was around. Her palms would get sweaty and her heart would beat faster. Hitomi would soon realize that she had a crush on her childhood friend, but kept it hidden to preserve their friendship. After high school, Leona’s abrupt move would hurt Hitomi more than she realized as she started to withdraw into her shell again. In an attempt to help her feel better, her father invited her to watch him work. As Hitomi stayed in the office, her father went to make his rounds to see if everything was working correctly. While he was inspecting the plant, an arc blast went off, fatally burning those within 10 feet and spreading intense heat and UV rays throughout the rest of the plant. The UV rays unlocked Hitomi’s powers that had laid dormant, but her father was not so lucky. Having inhaled vaporized copper and metal, her father soon fell ill and had to resign. As the weeks went by, Hitomi found her body going through strange changes. Changes like heating significantly at random times of the day and waking up to parts of her bed sheets on fire. Hitomi feared that her powers would end up hurting innocent people or her family. The incident had gathered enough attention to test the survivors for the super gene, Hitomi included.
  
  Once it was confirmed that Hitomi had the gene, the Nakashimas were directed to Baltimore for Hitomi to attend Aegis. With their luggage in tow, the Nakashimas soon moved to Balitmore for Hitomi’s training and to help her father find treatment.
  
  
• 
  Yeong-Ja Nakashima:
  Hitomi’s mother and seamstress. She’s able to help support her family by making tailored outfits. Yeong-Ja was born n South Korea. Was disowned by her family for her marriage with Yoshiro.
  
  Yoshiro Nakashima:
  Hitomi’s father and former electrical factory manager. After the accident at his former job, his family moved to Boston to help him get the help and treatment he needs.
  
  Leona Kingston: Hitomi’s best friend from San Francisco since middle school. Hitomi looks up to Leona as a role model and wants to become stronger to be capable of protecting her. She still feels a bit hurt that she moved in such a rush and without a proper goodbye.
• Pyrokinesis
  Hitomi has the power of increasing her body heat to the point of creating actual fire around herself. This fire can be moved and manipulated to create various shapes and form just as she might move her body.
  
  
  • Resistant Body: Hitomi is completely immune to the effects of fire and hot temperatures. This includes fire that she did not create. Her skin is a lot tougher than the average humans, allowing her to brush off any damage that would normally be suffered by somebody.
  • Flame/Heat Control: Hitomi has control over flames, whether they be created by her or not. She can control the intensity of flames to be either extremely precise or widespread. Thus she could lower the raging fire of a bonfire down to a quiet spark, or raise up a small ember into a wildly unpredictable fire.
  Limitations
  
  • Flammable Clothing: Hitomi’s bare skin isn’t affected by the heat or fires she can create. However, her clothes are and can easily be burned off by the amount of flames spreading on her body. This causes Hitomi to use caution when spreading the flames on her body.
  • Overheat: Producing too much flame around her/in general can lead to her overheating herself so to speak. The power that supplies her quickly becoming too overwhelming and causes her to become light headed to the point where she can pass out. If she does pass out, the flames will keep raging out of control. In other words take some advice from Smokey and be responsible with fires!
  • Cold Environments/Weather: Certain weather affects Hitomi’s ability to produce flames. Sunny/windy weather doesn’t really affect her but it’s damn near impossible to produce flames in rainy weather. Colder environments affect how long it takes for Hitomi to produce a fire. She’ll be able to due to body heat, but it’d take longer than it would in a warmer environment.
• 
  + Bilingual: As the daughter of immigrants from Japan and South Korea, Hitomi can speak three languages. Japanese, Korean, and English.
  
  + Taekwondo: Hitomi has years of training taekwondo, as she learned to do so from a local dojo in San Francisco. Her practice was kept up thanks to her father, who was an enthusiast in the martial arts. Though unfortunately his accident has meant the loss of her usual training partner.
  
  + Second Hand Seamstress: Years of watching her mother has led to her knowing quite a bit about how to sew and mend clothing.
  
  - Doesn't Communicate Well In Groups: Having a soft voice causes Hitomi to hate partaking in group discussions since she’s almost always interrupted or spoken over. This results in her either getting visibly annoyed or just hanging out and letting the others discuss.
  
  - Fast Talker: If she’s really worked up about something, she’ll let you know about it. The problem is that sometimes it’s a bit hard to keep up with what she’s saying.
  

 

[Malikai]

Natealie My only problem with the stats is how she has 4 strength. It's a little strange for a little girl to have so much strength, even with her powers. I think that two of those points would better go into health to better reason how her blood would pump back quickly

 

[Malikai]

Natealie Sorry, I also noticed the intelligence on her as well. Although such intelligence is not bad, I do think it being on a non-intelligence related power is a bit strange. I think some of those points could better go into energy, which at the moment is a bit lacking.

 

[Natealie]

Malikai Strength wasn't referring to her, but to how strong her constructs could be. Health is lower because other than the disease immunity she doesn't have like super good health, it's just normal. And the intelligence stat isn't for her power, it's for the fact that she's a prodigy. I'm pretty sure it said problem solving ability was also under intelligence, so that stat is less reflective of her power than it is of her. I hope that cleared up why I did what I did.

 

[Malikai]

Malikai Strength wasn't referring to her, but to how strong her constructs could be. Health is lower because other than the disease immunity she doesn't have like super good health, it's just normal. And the intelligence stat isn't for her power, it's for the fact that she's a prodigy. I'm pretty sure it said problem solving ability was also under intelligence, so that stat is less reflective of her power than it is of her. I hope that cleared up why I did what I did.

Strength as a stat is referring to the actual character's strength. Energy would be the place to put how strong she could supply her constructs to be. Plus you need more energy as the constructs she can create are fairly powerful/should be powerful. Intelligence is way over the limit of what a prodigy can accomplish. Three is human limit, and so moving four points from that into energy would both provide reason for her constructs to be just about as powerful as they can be while also keeping her as a very smart cookie. The two points from strength being moved into health just provide further reason for why diseases wouldn't affect her. Since your other supporting power is about how fast her blood can come back that would also provide reason for that. To make it a bit more fair though you could make it so that the 'running out of blood' is not a worry for her. You would need another limitation, but it's reasonable to assume the S rank blood super should not need to worry about running out of blood.

 

[Malikai]

However, another good limitation to consider would be just how long you can actually obtain blood. Eventually the cut she would use to obtain blood would begin healing over, and so that would definitely be a bigger concern to consider.

 

[Lemon Boy]

Gonna chime in quick and gonna say that three is pretty much the limit of what a human can achieve without the use of superpowers like Mal said and her powers aren't related to enhancing her intelligence from what I've read. Chop off those numbers, put them into energy or something, they definitely don't look like they should belong in the Intelligence stat.

 

[Natealie]

However, another good limitation to consider would be just how long you can actually obtain blood. Eventually the cut she would use to obtain blood would begin healing over, and so that would definitely be a bigger concern to consider.

That is an option yes, however in that case I need to come up with another flaw. And that's easier said than done. If strength is just their actual strength, then I can move those points around no problem. I can even take a point out of defense as well and throw it all into energy. I don't want to touch intelligence however until I have a DM ruling on intelligence. Since I am confused at how it was explained. The other stuff is fine though. So the redistributed state would be:

2 strength
2 defense
8 energy

In the case of the other flaw though, what do you think I could use? I don't think the cuts healing thing is limitation that would fit with my vision though. And I'm hesitant on raising health due to the fact that she lacks physical regeneration outside of the blood replenishment.

Anyway, those are my thoughts.

 

[Lady Midnight]

Edited a bit of Hitomi's parent's back story.

 

[Natealie]

I also changed Anise up because of feedback.