Character Critique Thread

1 minute ago, too much idea said:





1. AAAAAHHH yes yes, i should change Power Output to Durability then


2. Flailing, flicking her finger, headbanging can generate kinetic energy but only of a small number and it will take long before she could use it to break free... That if she did not tire herself first.


3. Yes. She's a powerful hitter limited by cooldown time, she need to strike fast and precise to win the fight early in the start.




 
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Awesome, I can't see anything further wrong with the power then. I do like the idea of her main limitation, that is that she can hit really hard but only once until she must recharge.
 
Idk when I'll have enough points for this one (still don't even know how many CCP I have right now), but I think I'd really enjoy this one before my twins.
 
las0r0o7 said:
My character is up if you guys want to take a look through it
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Firstly, on behalf of the Character Committee  (me, @Gus, @St Stare), Welcome to Aegis! We are here to help you on your journey to make yourself a character. We are your friendly neighborhood critics. Do not take us to harshly, as are here to help you get in.


Now then. Let's break down your CS. I am just going to go over a few points for you to start working on. We will get into more detailed scrutiny as we go on.


1. You have an S rank character. Now, whIle it isn't disallowed, we do try to dissuade people from making S rank characters as their first. By rule of thumb, the higher your rank, the harder it is to get accepted as we must really delve into your powers and limitations. Alternatively, we love seeing people play D and C rank characters, and those are easier to accept. 


2. The traits section needs to be done in this format 


Happy: character x is a happy blah blah. So on that you just need to put a name for the trait instead of just trait one or trait two. As well they should be in this order.


Positive


Neutral 


Neutral 


Negative


And finally in this, try to avoid words like "seems to". As these traits will need some substance behind them. So if you want to use "seems like he would be hard to work with", be sure to add why he seems that way as well as how he really is.


3. History.


To start off with, know that unregister vigilantes and those without bluecard are considered illegal. With serious repercussions. Not a problem, but something for you to keep in mind.


 The parents helping to teach their son is fine, but it would help to know what powers they had.


 Powers are genetic, so they can't be just learned from being taught. They need to manifest in the individual with the super gene. With his parents being supers, good chance he will be too. Keep in mind also that while the essence of powers can be passed down, they won't always take the same form. 


 As an addition to the above, be sure to include when and how his powers manifested.


With seeing his parents killed in front of him, don't forget to include some of the ramifications he might feel to this day if he has any.


Lastly, we can't allow any TBR's. We do need to know what went on. Even if it is only revealed to the Character Committee and the GM. Even then, boss lady might still ask for it to be on paper in the open.


4. Onto the meat and potatoes, the superpowers.


Keep in mind representation is shifty territory. So while black lightning might be fine, considering it "dark lightning" might be harder to pull off.


Ignoring the limitations and weaknesses of regular electricity is a potent approach. So we would like to see more details on how it behaves, and how it differs from ordinary lightning. 


For the supporting powers, Electricity Enhanced speed would be the easiest to pull off. But it night need to go through some changes by the time we are done. How yet? We shall wait and see once you thrown a few more details in. Also, his 1 in intelligence does not support his increased thought processing granted by this.


Unrestricted movement, however, is harder to connect to the main power. While it may be cool, it seems like a different power entirely. There is a chance you may have to switch that out for something that more directly supports the main power. To me, it sounds like it's own power. The other supporting power has a chance to run the same course, but to a lesser degree.


Finally let us come to the limitations. This is the heart and soul of what we at the CC look at. We LOVE seeing people make limitations. The more the merrier. This is where we come into the issue of S ranks being harder to accept. With serious powers we need to see some serious limitations. The ones provided, while they are legit limitations, we will need to see more. Such as what his powers can't overcome. What his weakness is. Can his powers be stopped or nullified. And so on. No character is without their limits, and we need to know what they are capable of. As it stands, he seems on the OP side, but we can easily fix this.


5. Finally. Just some questions to consider answering in your CS. Not a must, but some things I think would be fun to see answered.


What is the significance of his red and blue eyes?


What is the significance of the unique names of his family?


What sort of villain attacked his family and is he still at large? We do have a roster of current villains to choose from if you wish or you can make one up.


Where did he come from in America? If elsewhere, why did he come to Baltimore?


How long has he been at Facility 108?


What lead him to having those specific character traits?


What sort of training did he go through with his parents and grandfather? 


Why is he coming to facility 108 if his parents didn't care about getting bluecards?


And that is all for now! Feel free to ask any questions you have, we are here to help. And if you need any suggestions, we are here for that too!
 
@las0r0o7


Oh! And I forgot to mention!


Rank is given to a super when their power manifests. They go in for simple testing and the government issues them a Rank and ID and stuff.


But most importantly... they issue something called a Limiter.


All supers above D ranks must have a limiter. D ranks don't need limiters unless warranted by governments or requested by the super.


S ranks especially. Not only are they very rare, but S ranks can be very destructive. You won't just get a pass on it. 


Limiters keep the power from being used, lessen its potency severly, and just all around limits the power. As an S rank, you would be expected to have it on at all times, and the Government would know right away if the limiter was removed or bypassed. If they aren't already tracking you outright. The Commonwealth is pretty serious about not letting such power run around willy nilly, so do take this also into account as you continue to refine your CS. 


You gotta have that liniter, regardless of how much control you have over the power or if it is only S rank by technicality. Going without it is a good way to land yourself in the supermax.


Limiters don't have to be jut some boring old bracelet either. Get creative, and have fun with it! And tell us how it effects your character and even what your char things about beino limited. 
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Well, here it goes!






I added an additional limit because I felt like it needed to be included.  Hope that is alright.
 
Fyuri said:
Well, here it goes!






I added an additional limit because I felt like it needed to be included.  Hope that is alright.





 






 
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I see a few problems to be fixed / clarifications necessary for her power:


1) She can charge particles. This should be made more specific. If she can charge particles like electrons, protons, neutrons, quarks, etc. that's a whole different matter to if she can charge atoms and molecules. Changing the charge on subatomic particles is essentially messing with particle physics as we know it, more so than most powers. Changing the charge of atoms is ionisation, which is pretty normal.


2) Her agility stat is too high. An agility stat of 3 would denote almost the limit of human agility. An Olympic runner, for example. Violet's agility is at 5.


3) She can manipulate all charge carriers? Damn, girl. Charge carriers make up a decent chunk of atoms themselves, so if she could move both protons and electrons, she could essentially disintegrate matter. Maybe just limit her to the control of electrons?


4) Limited range using herself as a conductor? I think you messed up the wording here. The only "range" on her being a conductor would be the reach of her body. Do you mean that her manipulation powers have a limited range? In that case


I have other concerns but RPN deleted them and I'm tired. Maybe later, maybe someone else will pick them up.
 
Just want to bump my shapeshifter librarian again. She will be my next character once I get enough points for her and I'd like to get critique in advance.
 
The J said:
I see a few problems to be fixed / clarifications necessary for her power:


1) She can charge particles. This should be made more specific. If she can charge particles like electrons, protons, neutrons, quarks, etc. that's a whole different matter to if she can charge atoms and molecules. Changing the charge on subatomic particles is essentially messing with particle physics as we know it, more so than most powers. Changing the charge of atoms is ionisation, which is pretty normal.


2) Her agility stat is too high. An agility stat of 3 would denote almost the limit of human agility. An Olympic runner, for example. Violet's agility is at 5.


3) She can manipulate all charge carriers? Damn, girl. Charge carriers make up a decent chunk of atoms themselves, so if she could move both protons and electrons, she could essentially disintegrate matter. Maybe just limit her to the control of electrons?


4) Limited range using herself as a conductor? I think you messed up the wording here. The only "range" on her being a conductor would be the reach of her body. Do you mean that her manipulation powers have a limited range? In that case


I have other concerns but RPN deleted them and I'm tired. Maybe later, maybe someone else will pick them up.
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  1.  I used the superpower wiki and it listed all of that, which is why I used it.  Though when modifying it a bit, I didn't specify electrons even though that is what would essentially be the focus of her ability in terms of what kind of particle.
  2. I didn't really see a limit set for the supers, only what the range was regarding what was of the average ability.  Being that she is a B class, and it was defined as moderately powerful, I assumed that using the points that are ranged as moderately powerful would be fine.
  3. Yeah, this again goes back to a bit to using the superpower wiki and trying to get the character done.  Honestly, it's probably just better for me to work based around the assumption of a "blanket" electrical control (generalization regarding just control of electricity and all that goes with it) rather than getting specific, so I'll remove those.
  4. I didn't know how else to define it, which is why I mentioned the Tesla Coil.  So when it is just her, and there is nothing she can use to conduct the electricity through effectively, her range is limited (spark length).

I'll wait for the rest of your comments. :3
 
Fyuri said:
  1.  I used the superpower wiki and it listed all of that, which is why I used it.  Though when modifying it a bit, I didn't specify electrons even though that is what would essentially be the focus of her ability in terms of what kind of particle.
  2. I didn't really see a limit set for the supers, only what the range was regarding what was of the average ability.  Being that she is a B class, and it was defined as moderately powerful, I assumed that using the points that are ranged as moderately powerful would be fine.
  3. Yeah, this again goes back to a bit to using the superpower wiki and trying to get the character done.  Honestly, it's probably just better for me to work based around the assumption of a "blanket" electrical control (generalization regarding just control of electricity and all that goes with it) rather than getting specific, so I'll remove those.
  4. I didn't know how else to define it, which is why I mentioned the Tesla Coil.  So when it is just her, and there is nothing she can use to conduct the electricity through effectively, her range is limited (spark length).

I'll wait for the rest of your comments. :3





 
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1) Good good.


2) Just as long as it's fixed it's fine.


3) Goog good.


4) Alright, makes sense.
 
@The J After some discussion with a GM, the stat is actually fine it seems, though I need to probably elaborate as to why, which is an easy thing.
 
I have a little insight, but I am not a member of the Character Committee so do not take this as gospel truth:


1. If she is going to have agility 5 she should have a supporting reason that gives her that speed. If she uses her electricity control to affect her body and therefore boost her speed somehow, sure, agility 5 could make sense. A normal human has 2 agility. In taking to welian and CC, no matter how amazing you are you can't have above 2 in an ability without dipping into super abilities. Agility 3 is beyond even Olympians.


2. Why health 3? Keep in mind a normal human has health of 2. What makes her healthier, heartier, etc. than the normal person?


3. I think defense could actually be boosted. If she can make an electrical shield that would be a defensive use of her power (preventing damage). I'd ask the CC about this to be sure.


4. Intellect is above 2 as well. Why? Does her electrical powers give her some above human intellectual abilities? How? It can definitely be possible but should be explained.


5. Willpower is 4. Why is her willpower higher? How does she utilize her powers to make this more exceptional and beyond a natural human's reach?


6. Energy at 3 seems low. Really, really low. Think of this as your "zapping juice." Shooting out lightning requires a fair amount of energy. If look at Viola's character sheet who also uses electricity she is at energy 6.






Make sure you justify, justify, justify every stat. It's not putting a stat where you want it... it's thinking to myself, 'I have 2 in this stat unless I can explain a reason why I shouldn't.' Don't look at character sheets or wikis except for inspiration because this is totally customized to you! For my regenerating lady I went a totally different angle than The J did with Hadrian. They very different stats and applications of their powers. Check them out!
 
Fyuri said:
Well, here it goes!






I added an additional limit because I felt like it needed to be included.  Hope that is alright.





 
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Two more problems I see:


1) I'm not really sure how you define conductive. Relative to a metal, rain's a pretty poor conductor. Relative to air, rain is a fantastic conductor, but that's just because air is that poor at it. Rain is actually reasonably pure - people do drink the stuff - which leads to its conductivity being a lot lower than, say, saltwater. However, if rain is going to be the standard for conductive materials that attract her electrical strikes, then there are a lot of materials that will do it for her.


2) If she so much as touches a power line, then it seems like she could fry a city! Obviously, this isn't something that should be within reach of anything short of an S-rank. Perhaps some clarification is needed here.
 
The J said:
Two more problems I see:


1) I'm not really sure how you define conductive. Relative to a metal, rain's a pretty poor conductor. Relative to air, rain is a fantastic conductor, but that's just because air is that poor at it. Rain is actually reasonably pure - people do drink the stuff - which leads to its conductivity being a lot lower than, say, saltwater. However, if rain is going to be the standard for conductive materials that attract her electrical strikes, then there are a lot of materials that will do it for her.


2) If she so much as touches a power line, then it seems like she could fry a city! Obviously, this isn't something that should be within reach of anything short of an S-rank. Perhaps some clarification is needed here.
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1.) Rain water actually isn't pure.  Pure was is along the lines of distilled water.  Rain, tap, and other  "plain" waters all have some dissolved minerals like calcium, iron, sodium, etc.  The more pure, the less conductive.  It's those impurities rather than the rain itself.  Now, rain drops themselves aren't really that "dirty," though depending on multiple factors there will be picked up particulates.  However, once rain hits to ground, you get those dissolved minerals that make water behave in a conductive way.  Rubber on shoes will obviously be a consideration if a situation occurs where the character is out in the rain.  It's really a matter of spark jumping.  Here is a bit of a Marvel example of the possibilities regarding spark jumps I was thinking of.  Hollywood, yes.  Plausible, yes.


2.) I didn't mention she had an infinite range, just that the use of a conductor helps extend it.  How far depends on factors, but one has to ask, how the hell would she get her hands on a power line?  It's not like she is going to climb up a power line pole and purposefully try and shut down a grid.  if anything, it'd just be a localized blackout, not an entire city.
 
Fyuri said:
1.) Rain water actually isn't pure.  Pure was is along the lines of distilled water.  Rain, tap, and other  "plain" waters all have some dissolved minerals like calcium, iron, sodium, etc.  The more pure, the less conductive.  It's those impurities rather than the rain itself.  Now, rain drops themselves aren't really that "dirty," though depending on multiple factors there will be picked up particulates.  However, once rain hits to ground, you get those dissolved minerals that make water behave in a conductive way.  Rubber on shoes will obviously be a consideration if a situation occurs where the character is out in the rain.  It's really a matter of spark jumping.  Here is a bit of a Marvel example of the possibilities regarding spark jumps I was thinking of.  Hollywood, yes.  Plausible, yes.


2.) I didn't mention she had an infinite range, just that the use of a conductor helps extend it.  How far depends on factors, but one has to ask, how the hell would she get her hands on a power line?  It's not like she is going to climb up a power line pole and purposefully try and shut down a grid.  if anything, it'd just be a localized blackout, not an entire city.





3
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1) I think we discussed this one in Discord sufficiently.


2) I'll bother you in Discord :P
 
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