Experiences Apparently rping as a plus size person is weird??

[The Fallen One]

okay so, they wanted a mxm coffee shop fluff/romance plot. i have a oc i use, who's pretty big. i'll show him below if i can find them. they said 'uhh but fat guys are so unattractive'. no problem, just not their type. HOWEVER THEY SAID 'literally nobody with rp with you if you use them' like.. HELLO?? i mean, i get it if it isn't their type, but.. huh?? yes, i know he's too big for some people. he's meant to be for fantasy plots as a half orc or for people who find it to be attractive, (they weigh a lot more than humans) so he HAS to be big. and i just think he's so cute!

 

[Daisie]

Yeahh that's... weird behaviour on your RP partner's side of things lol
I think your character is plenty fine. Like you said, no biggie if it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I personally find him plenty attractive. I mean, he's drawn pretty well too.

Attractiveness isn't even always a physical deal either?? Someone can have a very attractive personality, which can totally change my opinion about someone's visual appearance.

I think the only time I'd consider an overweight character weird is if it's some fetish thing. Like if they're so morbidly obese, and their picture is... questionable. But um... Really doesn't seem to be the case here.

You'll find people to RP no problem but THEY might have issues. Don't know what that was about.

 

[nerdy tangents]

So I think people like to project their own insecurities onto characters sometimes. That feels like the person you were talking to has a problem with their own body image and takes it out on other people.

So I would chalk it up to a bullet dodged and not take what they say to heart. If they're too insecure to handle interacting with fictional plus sized people that's a them problem.

As for if "plus sized" characters can be in romance? I mean this is a written medium, I'm not really going to be focused on what your character looks like so much as how well you write them. The vast majority of people I have come across have been the same.

 

[Steve Jobs]

It sounds like the person wanted to insert themselves into the romance and projected their fatphobia lol.

As Daisie said, unless something is fetish art (which this isn't), you'll find people who will RP with you and enjoy your characters.

 

[The Fallen One]

Yeahh that's... weird behaviour on your RP partner's side of things lol
I think your character is plenty fine. Like you said, no biggie if it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I personally find him plenty attractive. I mean, he's drawn pretty well too.

Attractiveness isn't even always a physical deal either?? Someone can have a very attractive personality, which can totally change my opinion about someone's visual appearance.

I think the only time I'd consider an overweight character weird is if it's some fetish thing. Like if they're so morbidly obese, and their picture is... questionable. But um... Really doesn't seem to be the case here.

You'll find people to RP no problem but THEY might have issues. Don't know what that was about.

this is his half body. this is a different style of mine, so it looks squished aka he's a a lot smaller than this- it isn't remotely sexual for me, i just genuinely think plus sized people are adorable. i suppose they could think it's fetishized.. but i just don't see it myself. (he is pretty heavy, but not like MAJOR MAJOR obese)

 

[Daisie]

this is his half body. this is a different style of mine, so it looks squished aka he's a a lot smaller than this- it isn't remotely sexual for me, i just genuinely think plus sized people are adorable. i suppose they could think it's fetishized.. but i just don't see it myself. (he is pretty heavy, but not like MAJOR MAJOR obese)

Not to be nitpicky but that image in particular is, in fact, what I'd consider to be majorly obese. It doesn't get much more obese than that without getting into rather unrealistic territory.
Out of curiosity, what is his weight and height?

 

[The Fallen One]

Not to be nitpicky but that image in particular is, in fact, what I'd consider to be majorly obese. It doesn't get much more obese than that without getting into rather unrealistic territory.
Out of curiosity, what is his weight and height?

he's 7'6. as i said, he's a lot smaller than that. with his species, he's supposed to be really big. rip and he's 350 as of now.

 

[Lorsh]

i dont think that's a realistic bmi

 

[The Fallen One]

i dont think that's a realistic bmi

its.. not supposed to be?

 

[Daisie]

he's 7'6. as i said, he's a lot smaller than that. with his species, he's supposed to be really big. rip and he's 350 as of now.

Well the first image looks fine! With how tall and heavy your character is now, they've got a BMI of 30, which is definitely obese when it comes to human terms. But in the second image, it does look like they have a BMI closer to 40 or 50, which is starting to get into more questionable territory...
Not that I have an issue with characters who are that overweight, but just as I look at a character with ridiculous breast sizes, it can definitely raise a red flag, even if the excuse for that size is that they're a different species. You kinda get where I'm coming from, lol. If the second image was the one shown in a character sheet, I might have alarm bells going off in the back of my head.
But I also kind of think that person sounded a bit rude, too. Probably wasn't a good match for more reasons than you or your character.

 

[Lorsh]

I meaaan, I am assuming it is a kink thing at this point

 

[The Fallen One]

I meaaan, I am assuming it is a kink thing at this point

i'll look into his character some more if people are really that bothered. but i can assure you, as it's my art, that it is non-sexual or involving kink.

 

[The Fallen One]

Well the first image looks fine! With how tall and heavy your character is now, they've got a BMI of 30, which is definitely obese when it comes to human terms. But in the second image, it does look like they have a BMI closer to 40 or 50, which is starting to get into more questionable territory...
Not that I have an issue with characters who are that overweight, but just as I look at a character with ridiculous breast sizes, it can definitely raise a red flag, even if the excuse for that size is that they're a different species. You kinda get where I'm coming from, lol. If the second image was the one shown in a character sheet, I might have alarm bells going off in the back of my head.
But I also kind of think that person sounded a bit rude, too. Probably wasn't a good match for more reasons than you or your character.

should i change his design? i honestly think that i should make him smaller since people think it's questionable.

 

[nerdy tangents]

So I'm not a great judge of obesity vs. plus sized but having looked at the image on my computer screen I think part of the issue might be the proportions. His head looks too small for the rest of his body. It looks like a snowman almost, a tiny circle on top of a much wider circle. I'm not sure if it's questionable so much as it just makes it seem like he's a blob monster.

Here is a real person who has what I'm guessing is the body type you're going for : sitting | standing.

So yeah maybe if you either made his head larger or made his body a little less round it might look better.

 

[nerdy tangents]

it isn't remotely sexual for me, i just genuinely think plus sized people are adorable. i suppose they could think it's fetishized.. but i just don't see it myself.

I also wanted to talk about this bit really quickly as well. So as a general rule I would steer clear of calling a group of people adorable. That's a word you use to describe puppies or babies, not an entire demographic of humans. It comes across as a little condescending and can give people the wrong idea. Not necessarily that your fetishizing plus sized people but that your talking down to them a bit. Like "ooh aren't they just the cutest thing, those plus sized people?"

Now if your referring to plus sized kids or babies specifically then sure that's fine. But if you are talking about adults or an entire demographic I would probably stay away from (for lack of a better term) cutesy words.

 

[ManicMuse]

7'6" 350 pounds is not at all realistic for the images provided. 5'2" 350 pounds would be more accurate.

While I've found enjoyment in exploring diverse characters with varying shapes and sizes in role-playing, I believe it's unjust to criticize someone struggling to develop a romantic subplot with a character who seems to prioritize their indulgences over a relationship. This viewpoint is comparable to introducing a character with evident signs of drug addiction that hinder their ability to function. Creating a positive role-playing environment necessitates sensitivity and understanding, allowing participants to openly discuss their comfort levels and boundaries.

As an advocate for a plus-size lifestyle, happily married to a plus-size partner, I am troubled when a character is depicted as plus-sized with exaggerated proportions beyond the reality of being plus-sized. This can be offensive due to the prevailing challenges and stereotypes surrounding plus-size individuals.

While I can't speak directly to your interactions without reading the posts and messages exchanged between you and your partner, if you frequently highlight their size, I might perceive it as fulfilling some unusual attention-seeking behavior, raising concerns about the RP.

However, I do have reservations about the interactions in this thread and the creation of a thread on this subject. It seems, in a way, that it was done with more attention-seeking in mind.

 

[Buho]

Was your rp partner wrong for saying "fat people are unattractive" as if it was a universal statement and not their preference? Yes.

Is roleplaying as a fat character weird? No. Fat people are normal people. (And before anyone comes out the gate with "Being fat is unhealthy", most of the normal people I have met in my life were unhealthy in one way or another, myself included. Let's not discuss matters of health until we're ready to discourage people from playing characters who smoke or binge drink or don't get 8 hours of sleep every night.)

Is roleplaying as a fat character while giving condescending appraisals of how "adorable plus-size people are" and justifying the character's size by making them quite literally not human weird? Yeah. It's really weird. You're talking about your OC in a really weird way.

Big disclaimer, I'm not plus-sized. But if someone talked about other communities I'm a part of the way you're talking about fat people, I'd be pretty bothered. Like if a straight person made a thread because their straight RP partner was uncomfortable with them playing a gay character, and they were like "Is playing a gay character weird??? I just think gay people are sooo cute!!! And my OC is actually an alien from a fantasy planet so it's ok for him to be gay!!!" Literally gag me

That's just my opinion

 

[Daisie]

should i change his design? i honestly think that i should make him smaller since people think it's questionable.

You should do whatever you feel is best! All these opinions are just opinions, including my own. I'm not personally bothered by the stuff you've said but I'm a fairly unbothered person lol. It's all up to you!

 

[GojiBean]

Hoyo!

To chime in on the original point made, the idea that "nobody will RP with you" if you have an obese character is just stupid. I'm not going to sugar coat that. Whoever your RP partner was said something stupid.

As the saying goes, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," and there are plenty of people out there who actually prefer people with some heft to them. It's not what's considered "mainstream," and you won't see overweight characters winning hot girls in Hollywood since they're all about appearances and want every girl to be smoking hot and every guy to be unrealistically buff. But either way physical attractiveness is 100% subjective. There's nothing objective about it. Nor should there be any shame in wanting to RP as a "bigger" character.

Having said that, I'll reiterate what Daisey said about doing whatever you feel is best for your character. You created them, and you have every right to enjoy using them however you wish. Nobody can tell you how to use your own character, or what you should do with them.

Cheers!

- GojiBean

 

[StrixDesmodus]

Was your rp partner wrong for saying "fat people are unattractive" as if it was a universal statement and not their preference? Yes.

Is roleplaying as a fat character weird? No. Fat people are normal people. (And before anyone comes out the gate with "Being fat is unhealthy", most of the normal people I have met in my life were unhealthy in one way or another, myself included. Let's not discuss matters of health until we're ready to discourage people from playing characters who smoke or binge drink or don't get 8 hours of sleep every night.)

Is roleplaying as a fat character while giving condescending appraisals of how "adorable plus-size people are" and justifying the character's size by making them quite literally not human weird? Yeah. It's really weird. You're talking about your OC in a really weird way.

Big disclaimer, I'm not plus-sized. But if someone talked about other communities I'm a part of the way you're talking about fat people, I'd be pretty bothered. Like if a straight person made a thread because their straight RP partner was uncomfortable with them playing a gay character, and they were like "Is playing a gay character weird??? I just think gay people are sooo cute!!! And my OC is actually an alien from a fantasy planet so it's ok for him to be gay!!!" Literally gag me

That's just my opinion

I think this sums it up well, and I think it's also worthwhile to add that writing has more influence on readers than you'd think- Even when it's for a roleplay. I do my best to be sure that when I make an entry public, that is is as respectful a narrative as I can manage. Not as in the characters all get along no matter what, but rather that I portray my characters as primarily people: Well rounded, motives and actions that make sense, not unfairly villified, and not portrayed as infallible or hyper-desirable either.
Why? Because I'm not the only person reading it, and because I'm not the only person who my writing can harm.

 

[Werepunk]

I logged back in just to give my two cents as a fat person, lol

Your rp partner was being fatphobic and shitty, full stop. And they're flat out wrong. I would be pleasantly surprised if someone brought a fat/plus-sized character to me for a romantic roleplay, because it's actually pretty difficult to find fat characters in the mxm rp space. And I'm certainly not the only one, as there are plenty of plus-sized roleplayers and roleplayers who wish for more diversity in general.

That being said, I have to agree with Buho and encourage you to be mindful of how you talk about your plus sized characters. "Plus sized people are adorable" is kind of infantilizing as a blanket statement. And emphasizing that he isn't human so it's normal for him to be fat is... uncomfortable, as someone who is fat and is very much human lol. Fat people exist in real life, so you really don't (or shouldn't) need any fantastical reason to excuse his size. He can be fat because you wanted to play a fat person, and that's fine.

You don't need to make him smaller if you don't want to. I'd suggest maybe looking up some references of fat men when you draw him if you want to make sure his proportions are realistic and not exaggerated (like they are in certain kinds of art.) But otherwise I think his size is fine as-is.

 

[SophiaWilliams677]

Well I was going to talk about how weird and condescending it was that you referred to plus sized people "adorable!!!" but I guess the other people already did that for me

Here's a cool image cuz I don't have anything relavant to say.

 

[Perpetual Zen]

So, again, I'm so late to this conversation but I feel like I have valid input.

I think its really simple to get locked in a word trap. I honestly feel there was nothing malicious on both ends. I've been someone who's weight has fluxed. It took me a really long time to get comfortable with who I am. And yeah, seeing plus sized character's was sort of triggering. I didn't want to accept my body was changing. But it was! I love people of all sizes. I think it is AMAZING having diverse sizes. HOWEVER, I have learned not to fetishize a persons body shape. Skinny or Fat. Small or Tall. Large or No. It's a person before a shape BUT that doesn't mean you shouldn't evolve as a person and accept characters of all shapes and sizes SHOULD exist. I mean especially in historical. Come on!

I think it's wrong to pressure anyone on their like's or dislikes however. I honestly don't think this was fat shaming at all but just someone not clicking with the image. It happens to us all.

Obesity is something that is still really uncomfortable for a lot of people. Coming from someone fairly curvy.
I try to be mindful to take care of myself when I can and realize that obesity comes with its worries so I mean is it weird seeing obese characters being like seen as "cute" . Yeah. Just a little.