The Succubi Queen
Ethereal Goddess
That would be pretty great, if you could do that! Or maybe put up a basic CS to see what we might need in our OC's?
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Fandom Analogue: Mildly Hateful Procedures
- Thread starter Thaumaturge
- Start date
Thaumaturge
The ice-cream truck
hmm......okay, so i should have posted an example CS here.
And below's the result of my geeking out and inserting as many fanons as I could...
(INCOMPLETE)
Godspeed. The world waits for you.
A-ram opened his eyes, and rolled around in his bed.
For Christ’s sake, he thought to himself. Let me have some sleep…….
He closed his eyes again, and let himself drift in his memories again.
* * *
17/10/2615, Boston, USA
“Hey, come have a look!” Ha-nal, his older cousin, spoke from a tablet screen. “Our new son is here!”
“Ooh, he looks good, you know,” A-ram mused, trying to keep calm, “he looks just like me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, he’s my son. When he grows up, he’ll look like he just copied me from a photo.”
“Sure, sure bro, just remember to take care of yourself.”
“No, you take care of yourself, it’s you who’s going after all…….”
“What, What was your son’s name again?” A-ram’s voice started to crack.
“Sol. Ryu Sol.”
“Okay, just……just remind him to……call me from time to time, please? I want to……” speaking each word got more difficult for A-ram as he felt something swelling up his throat. “I wanna see how well you guys will be doing…….”
“But, but you won’t be able to see them if……” A tear rolled from Ha-nal’s eyes. “If, if you’re gonna be frozen the whole way…….”
“Please, Ha-nal, you know how it’s important for families to remember each other……I’m, I’m going to miss my family, I’m gonna miss you a lot, bro, please.” A-ram was now begging and crying at the same time. “You can’t make me leave like this, please......please, I want to remember all of you when I get there.”
“OK then, promise me not to cry when you arrive there……”
“Can I promise such things?”
“At least don’t make me cry.”
“I love you, brother.”
“Same here.”
A-ram, trying his best to hide his moist eyes, wanted to tightly hug his cousin, to try to feel and remember Ha-nal’s warmth before the launch, heartbroken by the fact that he won’t be ever able to see his family again before they were long dead.
“Bye, see you on the message……” A-ram buried his face in a pillow when the phone call went off.
His body was shaking the whole night.
* * *
10:32 am, 18/10/2615, Kennedy Space Center, Cape Canaveral, Florida, USA
Some of his colleagues and friends were also there, and he was glad to know that he got a last chance to talk to his friends.
“So you’re going,” said Kim Han-yeol, one of A-ram’s colleagues who previously worked with him in UKSPA. I wonder if he’s even human, Ryu thought. He’s reckless and impulsive, and everything seemed to be a danger when I worked with him. A brave, brave fellow; nothing like the coward A-ram was.
“Yes. Far, far away, actually I don’t know whether I can wake up once more before I die.” A-ram replied.
“Is this it? Is this the last time I can see you alive?”
“I……don’t know.”
“I really hope you can live longer than me.”
“Thank you. Also I heard that you finally have a baby.”
“It depends, she’s not born yet.”
So Han-yeol’s wife is pregnant.
“What’s her name? I remember you trying to pick between two really good ones.”
“Yes, and I finally got to make—“
“Mr. Ryu, I’m afraid it’s time you board the ship,” said Jebediah Smith, one of the navy pilots who had trained for a space mission.
“Okay, I promise I’ll make it short, Mr. Smith,” Ryu replied.
“Alright, Han-yeol, I think I have to go now. Launch’s at 11:00, I can’t afford to skip the safety procedures.”
“Okay, A-ram. It was an honor to work with you.”
“The honor was mine.”
Ryu turned around, his shoulder slouched, and plodded to the launchpad. Trying to fight back the tears, he started an imaginary countdown in his head.
“Her name’s Hyun-ae!” Han-yeol called from behind.
T-10, 9, 8, main engine start, 6…….
10:59 am
So this is how it ends. I’m just gonna fade away and the pod’s just gonna lock me in hibernation until an AI wakes us up.
He had triple-checked his supplies, exchanged messages to test the comms device he’d be using when he received the message, debugged his AI-construction procedure programs, and still he felt nervous. As if he felt he wasn’t ready.
Of course I’m ready. I won’t have even applied if I thought I wasn’t ready.
He knew that he won’t last 3 minutes even if he mastered AGSM(Anti-G Straining Maneuver; an instruction which describes how to keep consciousness in high-G situations). If he fainted, then the AI would kick in and freeze the cryopod. He was afraid. Afraid that he won’t be able to live, afraid that he won’t be able to tread on this planet, afraid that he’d be alone, dying, in an empty space when all you can hear is yourself breathing. Then he remembered he didn’t get to ask Han-yeol the most important question. How does he do it? How is he so brave? A-ram remembered asking Han-yeol about bravery.
Han-yeol?
Yea?
How are you never afraid, how do you do it?
You have to figure it out yourself, mate. I can’t tell you.
How do you do it?
A-ram, Han-yeol had asked, Are you at home?
No, A-ram had replied.
Han-yeol had just nodded, and simply refused to talk about it.
“T minus 31 seconds, handoff has occurred.” A voice pulled Ryu out of his thoughts.
I’ll have to find the answer by myself.
“T minus 10, 9, 8, main engine start, 6,”
Hopefully I’ll live.
“5, 4,”
Then I’ll wake up, alone with a bunch of colleagues.
“3,”
I made a promise. And I want to keep it.
“2,”
Nothing’s gonna stop me.
“1,”
I will survive.
“0, and we have……liftoff!”
He closed his eyes, and felt something hit him hard.
* * *
15/09/4615, The Gell-mann, Antares
A-ram’s eyes flew open, and he kicked himself up from his bed.
“It’s the same one……It was always the same one……ever since I decided to leave…” He muttered, the memories from his dream repeating over and over again in his head. All these things about fear, his loneliness, his family and friends he left behind were haunting him in his sleep.
(IC ends)
can you give me any advice or feedback about my writing?
And below's the result of my geeking out and inserting as many fanons as I could...
(INCOMPLETE)
Godspeed. The world waits for you.
A-ram opened his eyes, and rolled around in his bed.
For Christ’s sake, he thought to himself. Let me have some sleep…….
He closed his eyes again, and let himself drift in his memories again.
* * *
17/10/2615, Boston, USA
“Hey, come have a look!” Ha-nal, his older cousin, spoke from a tablet screen. “Our new son is here!”
“Ooh, he looks good, you know,” A-ram mused, trying to keep calm, “he looks just like me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, he’s my son. When he grows up, he’ll look like he just copied me from a photo.”
“Sure, sure bro, just remember to take care of yourself.”
“No, you take care of yourself, it’s you who’s going after all…….”
“What, What was your son’s name again?” A-ram’s voice started to crack.
“Sol. Ryu Sol.”
“Okay, just……just remind him to……call me from time to time, please? I want to……” speaking each word got more difficult for A-ram as he felt something swelling up his throat. “I wanna see how well you guys will be doing…….”
“But, but you won’t be able to see them if……” A tear rolled from Ha-nal’s eyes. “If, if you’re gonna be frozen the whole way…….”
“Please, Ha-nal, you know how it’s important for families to remember each other……I’m, I’m going to miss my family, I’m gonna miss you a lot, bro, please.” A-ram was now begging and crying at the same time. “You can’t make me leave like this, please......please, I want to remember all of you when I get there.”
“OK then, promise me not to cry when you arrive there……”
“Can I promise such things?”
“At least don’t make me cry.”
“I love you, brother.”
“Same here.”
A-ram, trying his best to hide his moist eyes, wanted to tightly hug his cousin, to try to feel and remember Ha-nal’s warmth before the launch, heartbroken by the fact that he won’t be ever able to see his family again before they were long dead.
“Bye, see you on the message……” A-ram buried his face in a pillow when the phone call went off.
His body was shaking the whole night.
* * *
10:32 am, 18/10/2615, Kennedy Space Center, Cape Canaveral, Florida, USA
Some of his colleagues and friends were also there, and he was glad to know that he got a last chance to talk to his friends.
“So you’re going,” said Kim Han-yeol, one of A-ram’s colleagues who previously worked with him in UKSPA. I wonder if he’s even human, Ryu thought. He’s reckless and impulsive, and everything seemed to be a danger when I worked with him. A brave, brave fellow; nothing like the coward A-ram was.
“Yes. Far, far away, actually I don’t know whether I can wake up once more before I die.” A-ram replied.
“Is this it? Is this the last time I can see you alive?”
“I……don’t know.”
“I really hope you can live longer than me.”
“Thank you. Also I heard that you finally have a baby.”
“It depends, she’s not born yet.”
So Han-yeol’s wife is pregnant.
“What’s her name? I remember you trying to pick between two really good ones.”
“Yes, and I finally got to make—“
“Mr. Ryu, I’m afraid it’s time you board the ship,” said Jebediah Smith, one of the navy pilots who had trained for a space mission.
“Okay, I promise I’ll make it short, Mr. Smith,” Ryu replied.
“Alright, Han-yeol, I think I have to go now. Launch’s at 11:00, I can’t afford to skip the safety procedures.”
“Okay, A-ram. It was an honor to work with you.”
“The honor was mine.”
Ryu turned around, his shoulder slouched, and plodded to the launchpad. Trying to fight back the tears, he started an imaginary countdown in his head.
“Her name’s Hyun-ae!” Han-yeol called from behind.
T-10, 9, 8, main engine start, 6…….
10:59 am
So this is how it ends. I’m just gonna fade away and the pod’s just gonna lock me in hibernation until an AI wakes us up.
He had triple-checked his supplies, exchanged messages to test the comms device he’d be using when he received the message, debugged his AI-construction procedure programs, and still he felt nervous. As if he felt he wasn’t ready.
Of course I’m ready. I won’t have even applied if I thought I wasn’t ready.
He knew that he won’t last 3 minutes even if he mastered AGSM(Anti-G Straining Maneuver; an instruction which describes how to keep consciousness in high-G situations). If he fainted, then the AI would kick in and freeze the cryopod. He was afraid. Afraid that he won’t be able to live, afraid that he won’t be able to tread on this planet, afraid that he’d be alone, dying, in an empty space when all you can hear is yourself breathing. Then he remembered he didn’t get to ask Han-yeol the most important question. How does he do it? How is he so brave? A-ram remembered asking Han-yeol about bravery.
Han-yeol?
Yea?
How are you never afraid, how do you do it?
You have to figure it out yourself, mate. I can’t tell you.
How do you do it?
A-ram, Han-yeol had asked, Are you at home?
No, A-ram had replied.
Han-yeol had just nodded, and simply refused to talk about it.
“T minus 31 seconds, handoff has occurred.” A voice pulled Ryu out of his thoughts.
I’ll have to find the answer by myself.
“T minus 10, 9, 8, main engine start, 6,”
Hopefully I’ll live.
“5, 4,”
Then I’ll wake up, alone with a bunch of colleagues.
“3,”
I made a promise. And I want to keep it.
“2,”
Nothing’s gonna stop me.
“1,”
I will survive.
“0, and we have……liftoff!”
He closed his eyes, and felt something hit him hard.
* * *
15/09/4615, The Gell-mann, Antares
A-ram’s eyes flew open, and he kicked himself up from his bed.
“It’s the same one……It was always the same one……ever since I decided to leave…” He muttered, the memories from his dream repeating over and over again in his head. All these things about fear, his loneliness, his family and friends he left behind were haunting him in his sleep.
(IC ends)
can you give me any advice or feedback about my writing?
Last edited by a moderator:
Thaumaturge
The ice-cream truck
Later the IC bit I posted will include explanations for the mission, how and why he went on the spaceship, and will end with him calling THANOS or an OC crewman for undocking.
Last edited by a moderator:
The Succubi Queen
Ethereal Goddess
I like the writing style of it. It seems a bit choppy and stunted in places, but I think that conveys the very flashbacky tone of it. I like it, and if that's the tone all of this will take, i am down for this clown.Thaumaturge said:
Thaumaturge
The ice-cream truck
Yes, the writing will get a lot smoother(and a lot longer, whoops!) just at that bit, since the flashback just ended and Ryu woke up. (Which makes me fear just how long this thing will be when it's completed.)
The Succubi Queen
Ethereal Goddess
boop boop. this still a thing?
Saint Nhoj
King of Naps
We will find out in the next episode of lost in spaceeeeeee
Thaumaturge
The ice-cream truck
jesus, the writing got friggin long. the first post has like, 1.6k words, not something i attempt every day as a student...
still yet to edit the OOC chat and overview sections, but RP thread is up!
(there goes your next episode of lost in space! 6 hours are not a long time when it comes to waiting TV shows, eh?)
EDIT: found out that i never updated the progress bar for about 5 days......O_O
@Bills352
still yet to edit the OOC chat and overview sections, but RP thread is up!
(there goes your next episode of lost in space! 6 hours are not a long time when it comes to waiting TV shows, eh?)
EDIT: found out that i never updated the progress bar for about 5 days......O_O
@Bills352
Last edited by a moderator:
Shinohara
Why have abs when you can have kebabs
If you need someone, I could be the Co-Pilot.
The Succubi Queen
Ethereal Goddess
Hello person! the thread link is in post 58, and we would love to have you!Shinohara said:
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