Fantasy Aedighar [closed]

[scoorpiuuss]

It made too much sense to Elias that Arthor wanted to be the father of Leanah’s child. Though Arthor was the birth father of Leanah’s bastard, he could never really be the child’s father. Lord Adian would be the father of her child to everyone else while only they knew the truth. Elias understood that it must have felt difficult for Arthor to accept that, and he didn’t see it as being selfish. It wasn’t a good thing that Arthor wanted that, but was it really that selfish to want to be the father of your child? Elias didn’t think so, but he didn’t want to argue with Arthor.

Elias also understood that Arthor was blaming himself for everything. It didn’t come as a surprise to him when Arthor said he was mad at himself. What Arthor had done was a horrible mistake that shouldn’t have happened, but Elias didn’t want him to dwell too much on the past. If Leanah wasn’t angry with him, then Arthor could work towards earning her forgiveness and forgiving himself. Though Elias knew that wasn’t exactly easy.

“No. I’m not mad at you,” Elias said, wrapping his arm around Arthor’s body.

"You should be."

“But I’m not.”

"Because you're too kind to me."

“Because I love you, Arthor, and I know what you did is horrible, but I can’t blame you. I can’t be angry at you for it.”

Love was a difficult emotion to control. Elias knew people did horrible things when they were in love. He remembered the story Darron had told him about him and Rhea. How she had been murdered, but they had been in love, and she had carried his child. Not once had Elias felt angry with Darron because of that. They had been in love, just like Arthor had been in love with Leanah. It wasn’t the right thing to father bastards of high born Ladies, but Elias couldn’t blame them, and he couldn’t be angry at them for falling in love.

“My friend was in the same situation as you,” Elias spoke once Arthor grew quiet.

"How'd he deal with it?"

“He lost her, so I don’t know. He didn’t tell me that much, only that she was carrying his bastard.”

The point hadn’t been to talk about how Darron had lost Rhea, or how him and Arthor had both been stupid. Elias just wanted to make Arthor see that Elias couldn’t be angry at them for what they had done. Perhaps he had been wrong for bringing it up though since Arthor grew quiet again.

“I only wanted to tell you that because I wasn’t angry at him, and I’m not angry at you.”

"Alright."

Now Elias was the one to get quiet. He felt like a horrible friend since he wasn’t able to help Arthor. It was for the better if he didn’t try to speak about it anymore. Elias knew he would just keep saying things that could hurt Arthor because Elias had never been in this situation before. He had no idea what it felt like. When Arthor hugged him then, Elias hugged him back, wrapping his other arm around him as well as they were both quiet. There was nothing for him to say, and he didn’t want to try to say anything either.

"I told her I'd go with her when she'd tell Adian and Lady Carlys."

“I think that’s a good idea. You could apologise to them.”

"I will. I doubt they'll accept it, though. Fuck."

“Don’t jump to conclusions.”

"It's not going to be a fun conversation with either of them."

“I know, but you’ll have to do it.”

"I know. I promised I would."

That didn’t sound like a bad idea to Elias. Leanah and Arthor would get to explain themselves to them both while supporting each other. They would be stronger together, or at least Elias thought they would be. There was a chance it would only make it worse, but he doubted that. If they would both apologise and take the blame for their mistake, then he doubted that Lady Carlys and Lord Adian would want to hurt them, at least Leanah. He knew Arthor would have a much more difficult time earning their forgiveness.

“That’s very kind if you.”

"It's the least I can do."

“You’ll just have to try your best and don’t give up.”

"I know. I'll try,” Arthor mumbled, raising his head.

“Good.”

"I won't be able to do this without you."

At that Elias pulled Arthor back to him as he laid them down on the bed. It sounded like comfort was what he needed now, and Elias didn’t mind if he had to stay the whole week by his side. Gently Elias pulled Arthor even closer to him once they laid facing each other on the bed. Elias let silence settled between them as they looked at each other. Arthor touched his arm, and Elias began stroking his hand against his back in an attempt to comfort him. Gods, this had to be tough for him. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what it must have felt like.

“I’ll always be here for you, Arthor.”

 

[desti]

Without Elias by his side, Arthor didn’t think he’d have the courage to do any of this. He’d need some reassurance from him before he’d go with Leanah to see Lord Adian and Lady Carlys. Arthor was a coward, he realised that, and he really would need a push to really go through with this. Not only that, but he needed Elias to stay sane. He couldn’t talk like this to Leanah, because Arthor didn’t want to worry her. He could only burden Elias with his emotions and thoughts.

Now that they were laying opposite each other, Arthor couldn’t stop thinking about how important Elias was to him. If for some miracle he would survive this, then he’d still need Elias so that he would be able to deal with Adian acting as the father of his child. If Lord Adian would do that, of course. Arthor couldn’t even imagine how he’d feel if he’d have to see something like that.

“Thank you,” Arthor mumbled, bringing his hand higher so that it’d rest on Elias’ cheek.

There was a smile on Elias’ face and Arthor nodded a little as he looked down. He would’ve smiled back, but he couldn’t really manage much more than the corners of his lips slightly twitching upwards for a moment or two. It was too hard for him not to think about the child right now and he couldn’t be happy while doing that.

"I'll stay here for however long you need me to."

At that, Arthor nodded again as he moved to push closer against Elias. He brought his hand away from his cheek and instead wrapped his arm around Elias, while he nuzzled his face against his neck. Elias’ arms squeezed around him while he tangled their legs together, making Arthor move his leg so that it’d rest over his hip. It felt so comfortable to lay here like this, especially when Elias began to stroke his hair so soothingly, and Arthor didn’t want to get up not now and not ever.

“Thank you,” Arthor repeated again as he pulled his head slightly away so that he could look at Elias again.

“You’re welcome.”

“You probably didn’t expect to come back to all of this.”

"I didn't,” Elias chuckled a little.

“It’s a mess,” Arthor sighed.

"It is, but I hope that it'll work out."

That was what Arthor hoped as well, but it either wouldn’t or it would with a lot of fucking work. It would be hard to fix things and Arthor didn’t know how to go through with it, but he hoped that he could do it with Leanah. Lady Carlys loved her daughter and Leanah said that Lord Adian was very kind. Would it truly be that hard to speak to them? Arthor would find that out soon, and he dreaded it, but there was no way out of it.

“Sorry that you’re involved in all of this now.”

"Don't apologise."

“You could’ve stayed in Wheldrake.”

"No, Santrella is my home. I belong here."

Elias belonged here with Arthor. Santrella hadn’t been the same without him and now Arthor was so aware of that. Though Arthor didn’t doubt that Elias would’ve found a place in Wheldrake and be within arm’s reach of the Queen, he was selfishly glad that he’d returned to Santrella, to him. Even with everything that was happening around him, Arthor thought Santrella felt more like home with Elias here than it did without him.

What could he say to him then? Arthor couldn’t think of a single thing, so he just stroked his hand back to his cheek. Gods, he had missed him so much and now he felt like they had only limited time together, since there was a high risk that Arthor would be punished for his crimes. This time, Arthor didn’t hesitate to kiss him back when Elias leant in. He moved his hand to the back of Elias’ neck to pull him closer to him, sighing softly into the kiss.

When Elias moved to lay on top of him, Arthor rolled over to his back and wrapped one arm around him, while he kept his other hand where it was, but pushed it a little higher so that he could tangle his fingers with Elias’ hair. It didn’t really feel sexual when Elias kissed along his jaw and down his neck. Maybe it should’ve, but Arthor was too upset to even think about that. It just felt sweet and comforting, if anything.

In return, Arthor stroked his fingers against Elias’ back and through his hair gently. Too soon, Elias pulled away and looked down at him. Arthor stayed quiet while his fingers kept combing through Elias’ hair and his eyes stayed on his. All he could think now was that Elias was a lot heavier than he looked, but Arthor didn’t have to endure it for too long because Elias moved off of him.

“Elias, you’re fucking heavy,” Arthor mumbled as he turned on his side again so he could look at him.

"Remember when you said you could carry me.”

Because he did remember, Arthor chuckled as well, “I could and I can."

“I doubt it.”

“I’d prove it to you, but I don’t want to get up,” he mumbled as he moved to press against Elias again, “you’ll just have to trust me.”

"Okay, I'll trust you."

At that, Arthor smiled a little bit as he moved his hand to rest on the shoulder that was the furthest away from him. He played with the fabric of Elias’ shirt while he thought about everything that happened between them. That made Elias sigh, sit up and take off his shirt. Arthor didn’t complain about that and pulled him back to him as he leant down to press his lips against his shoulder. Elias looked at him and chuckled, making Arthor smile a little back at him while his hand squeezed his shoulder gently.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Taking his shirt off might have been a mistake, but Elias felt too warm with it on. It was uncomfortable, and a part of him wanted to feel Arthor’s hands against his bare skin. When Arthor pressed his lips against him though, Elias swore his whole body shivered at the sensation. Gods, it felt so nice that Elias had almost moaned at it. Instead, he chuckled and looked at Arthor had a slight smile resting on his lips. They had both been through so much while they had been apart and Elias was glad that they had each other now through this mess.

“What are you thinking about?” Elias mumbled.

"You."

Again Elias found himself moving to lay on top of Arthor. This time he braced himself on his elbows to not let his weight down on him as he pressed their lips together. Elias thought about Arthor way too much, and knowing that Arthor was thinking about him now made him happy, and it was difficult to keep inappropriate thoughts out of his mind then. Arthor kissed him back, moving his hands to his chest which only made Elias struggle to not lose control over his mind. It wasn’t the right time to do those things, but Elias couldn’t help but want it.

That made Elias pull away from the kiss as he knew he would only get ahead of himself. His blood was already rushing in all the wrong places, and he felt a little embarrassed at himself for how much power Arthor had over his body. The hands Arthor had against his chest moved up to his shoulders which made Elias smile.

“Gods, Arthor. You’re hard to resist,” Elias chuckled.

Arthor chuckled as well, and Elias moved off of him to lay down beside him on his back. He sighed quietly, raising his hand to rub his thumb against his temple while trying to clear his head of his foolish thoughts.

"Are you alright?" Arthor asked as he turned around to look at him.

“Yes,” Elias answered, meeting his gaze.

With his hand on Elias’ chest, Arthor kissed him again. Elias knew he had to try to calm his mind down, and he tried to focus on the kiss rather than letting his mind wander. He raised his hand cupping Arthor’s cheek as he kissed him sweetly. Arthor moved his hand to Elias’ cheek then, making him smile into the kiss. Gods, he loved Arthor so much. It was a shame that Arthor was afraid because Elias would have loved to do this more often. At least he didn’t seem afraid now as Elias kept kissing him, moving his hand into his hair to tangle his fingers with it.

Arthor moved his leg between his legs, and Elias felt his weight against his body as Arthor moved his body more on top of his. How could Elias make those thoughts stay out of his mind then? It was so difficult, but he tried his best for Arthor as he didn’t want to make it awkward or uncomfortable. Elias still slid his tongue between Arthor’s lips, kissing him more deeply. That was a mistake as when Arthor did the same to him, Elias felt his whole body aching for him. He kept trying to ignore it as he didn’t want to pull away from the kiss.

As they kept kissing each other, Elias only began kissing Arthor more desperately. That made Arthor pull away as he chuckled. Elias chuckled too, pushing Arthor off of him.

"Rude,” Arthor chuckled.

“You’re the rude one here,” Elias laughed.

"How?" Arthor asked as their gaze met.

“Nothing.”

"Then we can keep doing that?" Arthor asked as he leaned up.

That made Elias sigh quietly, closing his eyes as he knew he would only get ahead of himself, “you have no idea what you’re doing to me, Arthor.”

"Sorry,” Arthor chuckled.

Elias opened his eyes again, looking over at Arthor with a smile. He raised his hand to cup his cheek again, stroking his thumb over his skin. “Don’t worry about it.”

They kissed again, and Elias held Arthor close to him. Arthor moved on top of him then, and Elias moved his hands to Arthor’s back as he started fumbling with his shirt. It was only fair he told himself as an excuse as he tried to take the shirt off. Since Elias struggled, Arthor sat up on his hips, pulling the shirt off. Elias didn’t try to hide the fact that his gaze was wandering all over his body. Gods, he was attractive, and it was so difficult for Elias to keep his hands away from him then.

“Arthor,” Elias mumbled as his hands roamed over his torso.

Arthor chuckled as he stroked his hands over Elias’ chest and Elias looked down at his hands. It would be so easy for him to lose control then, but he kept himself calm. He wanted to be respectful towards Arthor in case he wouldn’t want anything like that. After everything that had happened last time, Elias feared that would happen again even if he hoped that Arthor could somehow grow more used to the idea of them being something else than just friends. Elias grabbed onto Arthor’s biceps then, pulling him down to press their lips together.

 

[desti]

Confession.
Chapter CXVII
House Hastwyck
Sow knowledge, reap wisdom.
Santrella, Southern lands of Aedighar
​

Adian’s head was pounding at the news he’d received. He’d never really felt that way before and it felt strange how his whole body felt sick at what Leanah had told him. It felt so strange and Adian didn’t know how to react to this at all, so he didn’t. While Leanah and Sir Arthor spoke to him, Adian just nodded plainly and listened. He couldn’t think of anything to say.

His wife was pregnant with the child of her mother’s sworn shield. Even as Adian kept repeating that in his head in an effort to get used to it, it sounded so fucking strange and wrong. Would he ever get used to it? Leanah would keep the child, she would have the bastard and they would all just pretend that everything was alright. Adian had just agreed to it, because what else could do?

The conversation between Adian and Sir Arthor had never happened, because he had been too cowardly. All he had been able to think about was how Sir Arthor always had a sword on him and how Adian was very much useless if he would get angry at him. Maybe Leanah’s words had affected him a lot more than he’d expected. Either way, the conversation hadn’t happened yet, though Adian claimed in his mind that he would’ve gone to Arthor tomorrow.

His feelings towards the whole situation were so fucking conflicting. Both Leanah and Arthor seemed regretful about it and Adian thought that their feelings of the matter were genuine. It seemed like they too were just as conflicted as Adian himself. He would play the role of the father of Sir Arthor’s bastard. Perhaps it was stupid for Adian to be so accepting of the situation, but he didn’t want to argue, nor did he want Leanah to turn away from him if he wouldn’t be supportive of her.

The door behind Sir Arthor closed and it was only Leanah and Adian now. It was almost a shame that the knight had left, because Adian had no clue what to do now. He felt so fucking lost all of a sudden. It wasn’t as though he felt betrayed or angry, he just didn’t know what to feel about this. Maybe he should’ve felt mad at Leanah, but he didn’t. That was probably stupid of him, but Adian just couldn’t do that.

"I'm so sorry."

At Leanah’s apology, Adian just nodded his head and silently sat down on the bed. It wasn’t as though Leanah had done this to spite him or for some cruel reason. It had happened, it was a mistake and now they were dealing with it. Adian at least appreciated that she’d told him so soon, as well as Sir Arthor being there to support her.

"I'm pathetic, I know. I don't deserve your forgiveness, and I'm not asking for it either."

“Don’t say that,” Adian sighed and raised his head so that he could look at her.

"It's true. I betrayed you. I ruined my life and our marriage."

It hurt Adian to see how badly Leanah felt about this. Obviously it was a horrible thing to happen, but Adian wasn’t going to turn his back towards her because of this. He didn’t like it one bit, but he would deal with her. Adian would help her. Their marriage hadn’t been ruined because of this, or at least Adian didn’t think so.

“Leanah,” Adian sighed as he got up from the bed again so that he could walk towards her and close the distance between them.

Why did she take a step back? It confused Adian, but he stayed where he was in case Leanah was uncomfortable and didn’t want him anywhere near her. He couldn’t imagine what she must’ve felt about this whole situation. Maybe it would’ve been for the best if she’d get rid of the child, but Adian found himself against that idea. It was a child after all, the thought sounded so cruel to him.

"You don't have to stay here with me."

“You’re my wife, Leanah.”

Of course Adian would stay with her. A different man would’ve turned her away, perhaps, and agreed with everything Leanah had said about herself. Adian liked her though, he liked her a lot and he didn’t want to let this go. Gods, he liked her enough that he was willing to look past this. Adian was willing to raise a child that wasn’t his own for Leanah, and he wasn’t entirely sure what that meant and if that meant his feelings for her were deeper than he thought.

"You deserve better than me."

“I want you.”

"But I'm carrying another man's child."

“That complicates things,” Adian slowly said as his eyes traveled around the room, “but I’m not giving up on you, Leanah.”

"You're too kind for me. I don't deserve it."

Maybe Leanah didn’t deserve it and maybe Adian was making a mistake, but he wanted their marriage to work out. It seemed like Leanah genuinely regretted this and wouldn’t do something stupid like that ever again, so Adian wanted to give her another chance. It wouldn’t be his child, but Adian could try to love it all the same. Maybe after that Leanah could give him his own sons and daughters to love. The thought of that helped Adian now, because he did not want this to be the start of an uncomfortable marriage.

“Stop talking like that, Leanah.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Since the conversation with Arthor had gone somewhat well, Leanah had been more prepared to speak to Adian about the situation they were in. Once it was time for that, she quickly realised she wasn’t ready for it. It was too late to walk away from it though, and she knew Adian deserved to know the truth. Having Arthor there calmed her down, but at the same time, she was panicking as she watched her life slip through her fingers. She knew that a miserable life was what she deserved, but a part of her wanted a loving and good marriage with Adian.

That would be impossible now that Leanah was carrying another man’s child. There was no way Adian could ever love her because of how badly she had betrayed him. She should have been smarter, listened to her mother and thought about the consequences. Never had she felt so pathetic and horrible. For a moment she wished the child would take her life. That she would be shown mercy by the Gods and die during childbirth. Then Adian would be free to do whatever he wanted without having to worry about her ever again.

Leanah couldn’t accept his attempt to comfort her when she thought she didn’t deserve it.

All she could do was step away. The words Adian were saying didn’t matter to her as she kept telling herself that she wasn’t good enough for him. It would have been easy for Leanah to love Adian, give him children and the life he deserved, but instead, she had done the exact opposite and ruined their marriage. She assumed he was simply in a blissful state after marrying her, blind to her mistakes and unable to see how this would never work out, or perhaps she was just cynical, but Leanah didn’t want to admit that.

Now Leanah wanted to get rid of the child again, and morbid thoughts rushed through her mind as she glanced around in the room for something sharp enough. Gods, Adian deserved so much better than her. He was too kind and too caring, and Leanah perhaps should have taken that opportunity to get his forgiveness, but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to take advantage of him like that. She didn’t want his forgiveness.

“It’s true,” Leanah sighed.

"It's not."

“I don’t want this. I don’t want this child,” Leanah mumbled as she heard Adian stepping closer to her.

"But you're having it and we're going to deal with it,” Adian said, reaching for her hand.

Leanah looked down as she let him take her hand, but it didn’t feel right. Why was he doing this? He should have pushed her away and called her cruel things for what she had done, but instead, he was so nice to her that Leanah wasn’t sure how to react. Adian should have been angry with her, even if she hadn’t expected him to be angry. That only made it worse because it made it so clear that he didn’t deserve this. He deserved a loving wife, which Leanah clearly wasn’t. At that, she pulled her hand away.

“I don’t want it,” Leanah said as she walked over to her desk, rummaging around for something that could be sharp enough, but there were only combs and brushes.

"What are you doing, Leanah?" Adian asked, and Leanah heard him following her.

“I don’t want this child.”

"Well, it's too late now,” he said, grabbing her arm.

That made her stop, and Leanah knew it was too late. They would have to deal with it, but she wanted to make it easier for everyone and get rid of the child that would ruin all of their lives. Her thoughts were so conflicting as she grabbed onto the desk, holding herself up as all she wanted to do was sink onto the floor. When her chest began heaving she felt pathetic, but her breath hitched, and she tried so hard to calm down as she didn’t want Adian to take care of her. He didn’t have to. She had hurt him.

“No,” Leanah whimpered.

"Yes. Come here."

“I can’t.”

Adian pulled her into a hug and Leanah didn’t find it in her to wrap her arms around him. She stood there, keeping her eyes closed as she tried to fight the urge to cry. It didn’t feel right. That didn’t seem to matter to Adian as he held her tightly against him while stroking her hair. Though it didn’t feel right, Leanah felt safe in his arms, comforted. She eventually wrapped her arms around him as well, leaning her head against his shoulder as her fingers grasped onto his shirt. Gods, this was so unfair.

“I wanted you to be the father of my first child,” she mumbled.

"It's alright, Leanah,” he sighed, still stroking his hands over her hair.

“No, it isn’t.”

"You're right, but we'll deal with it anyways."

“I wish I could be better, be the wife you deserve to have.”

How would they deal with it? Leanah knew she would always think of Arthor whenever she would see her child. How would she be able to pretend that it belonged to Adian? It seemed impossible to her, and everything was so fucking hopeless that she wanted to give up. At the same time she didn’t want that, but Gods, it was so conflicting.

 

[desti]

No matter how upsetting the news were, Adian didn’t want to see Leanah like this. He knew this was going to be hard for both of them, probably a lot more difficult for her, but Adian wasn’t going to give up now. Already he was growing tired of Leanah repeating about how she didn’t deserve him or he didn’t deserve her. He didn’t want to hear any of it, because Adian disagreed with it.

“Stop saying that, Leanah,” Adian mumbled, resting his chin on top of her head gently.

"I feel horrible, though."

“I know and I hate seeing you like this.”

“I’m sorry.”

Adian grew quiet once more as he stayed with his arms around Leanah. He wasn’t entirely sure if he was comforting her or trying to get comfort for himself, but either way he held her close to him, stroking his hands over her back and her hair soothingly. This was a mess and Adian didn’t know how they would do this. What would Leanah’s mother say? Adian hoped that she wouldn’t be too harsh towards her daughter.

Now that the initial shock of the news was slowly wearing off, Adian could think more clearly about the future. Leanah would have this child and they would act as though it was his. He would love it, Adian knew that he would, even if it was Sir Arthor’s, not his own. It would be hard at times, undoubtedly, but Adian was confident that they could deal with this. He just hoped that they wouldn’t fall apart.

“We’ll make it work somehow.”

“Okay.”

It didn’t exactly sound like Leanah believed Adian and that upset him. He felt like Leanah was already giving up on everything and he didn’t want that. Adian wanted her to be strong and be with him through this, otherwise it’d just be him trying his best and that would get them nowhere. He didn’t want to lose what they shared, or at least what he thought that they did.

“Trust me, Leanah,” Adian sighed, pulling away a little so that he could look at her, moving his hands to hold her face gently.

“I’m trying.”

“We’ll figure this out,” Adian mumbled, stroking his thumbs against her cheekbones.

"What about my mother?"

“We can talk to her together, if you haven’t yet.”

Obviously this would heavily depend on Lady Carlys and what her decision would be on the matter. Adian thought he had gotten to know the woman by this point, but this was something that he didn’t know how she would react to. It was too shocking to really predict someone’s feelings about, so Adian didn’t even bother. He just hoped that it wouldn’t go too badly.

"I told Arthor I wanted him to be there too."

“Right,” Adian mumbled, “well, then the three of us can go to her.”

"I can tell him to stay out of it."

“No. He should be there.”

While the thought didn’t excite Adian, he thought that it would be good for Arthor to be present. Him being here when Leanah told Adian already gave him some respect towards the knight, even if he didn’t want to admit it. Obviously it wasn’t easy to admit this and be courageous enough to show up, so it made Arthor look a little better in Adian’s eyes. At least he was admitting to this and taking responsibility. He imagined that Lady Carlys would like that as well.

“Okay.”

“We’ll deal with it and figure this out together.”

Then Leanah nodded and pulled away from him, instead walking over to sit down on the bed. Adian sighed and followed her after some time, sitting down next to her with a little bit of space between them just in case. He didn’t know how to make her or himself feel better after something like this. It was all so overwhelming and so horrible, but eventually they’d get used to it, right? Adian didn’t want the child to come into an environment like this.

"I didn't want this to happen. I regret everything."

“You can’t change it now. You need to calm down and think about this.”

“Think about what?”

“Everything about this situation. Are we going to tell the child who their real father is? If we have children together, are we going to tell them the truth? There’s a lot of things we have to decide, Leanah.”

"If it was up to me to decide I would want us to pretend like this never happen, and that this is your child. At the same time, I don't want to be dishonest."

As Leanah spoke, she took his hand and placed it on top of her stomach. Adian stared at it and thought about everything, thinking about how best to deal with this mess. Obviously what happened would heavily rely on Lady Carlys and her decision on the matter, but Adian wanted to think positively and that the child would be theirs and they’d be able to raise it. That did make him think whether the truth would hurt more than a white lie.

“I don’t want to lie either. But I think the truth would have to wait some years,” Adian mumbled.

“I agree.”

“Good,” Adian mumbled, “I’ll help you through this, Leanah. I promise.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

The more they spoke about it, the more Leanah realised that she couldn’t give up. Even if Adian would have hated her, she had to stay strong for her child. It was difficult for her since she kept going back and forth on whether or not she wanted to keep it, but in the end, this would be her firstborn child. There was no doubt that she would love it regardless of who the father was. She had always wanted children, and if the situation hadn’t been so messy at it was, she would have been thrilled about this.

Leanah hoped that she would give Adian his own children one day.

While she stressed about what would happen to Arthor and her child, and how her mother would react to everything, she tried to focus on the more important aspect of the situation. If everything would turn out to be okay, Adian was right that they had to figure out whether or not to tell her child the truth. Leanah knew it would be hard for her to pretend that this would be Adian’s child, but she had to. It was necessary to make it work. Though she would think of Arthor whenever she saw the child, she would have to convince herself he wasn’t the father.

“Thank you, Adian,” Leanah said, raising her hand to cup his cheek.

Of course, Leanah only wanted the best for her child. She didn’t want the child to be raised in an unhappy marriage with a torn family that wouldn’t know whether to love the child or hate it. Though it would be nearly impossible to make it work, she had Adian’s support and Arthor’s. She knew they would be able to help her through this as she doubted she was strong enough to go through it alone.

Adian nodded at her words, and Leanah heard him sigh which made her stroke her thumb against his cheek. It upset her that she had hurt him, but she didn’t want to give up. The only reason that had appealed to her was that it was easy for her to give up. Then she wouldn’t have to try, but she knew she would only hurt everyone else a lot more by giving up. Adian didn’t deserve that, neither did her child.

“I won’t give up,” she mumbled.

"Good,” he nodded while stroking his fingers against her abdomen.

“You’re a good man. I’m lucky to be your wife.”

When Adian leaned forward to kiss her, Leanah let him. She kissed him back, closing the distance between them as she placed her other hand on his shoulder. It was true that she was lucky to be his wife. He was so kind and understanding. Seeing him care so much for her made her feel incredibly thankful. She wanted to believe that she didn’t deserve it, but decided to push those thoughts away.

The kiss didn’t last too long as Adian pulled away. Leanah met his gaze while he stroked her cheek. This was such a mess, but she wanted it to work out. She wanted everyone to be happy, including herself.

“I’m so sorry for this mess, Adian.”

Leanah pulled away from him as he nodded. At least she had managed to tell him, and she should have been happy that Adian wasn’t angry with her. When he reached to take her hand, Leanah looked over at him before her gaze landed on their hands. He squeezed her hand, and she laced their fingers together. It all felt so strange like it couldn’t be true that she was pregnant or that Arthor was the father. She didn’t want to believe it.

"We'll get through this, Leanah,” he said as he held her hand between his.

“I know, or I hope so.”

"We will,” he said, raising her hand to kiss it.

“Thank you.”

"But you can't continue acting like this, Leanah."

“I’m trying, but it’s difficult.”

"I know, but try. I'm here for you."

As Adian hugged her, Leanah knew she would have to try harder to not act like a child anymore. She didn’t like the person she had become around Arthor, or how she had acted towards him or Adian whenever she was upset. It wasn’t healthy for her, and she knew that. Neither was it healthy for Adian. Everything had felt a lot better with Adian though. She had allowed herself to be happy, and those few weeks with him had been the best weeks of her life, and she wanted to continue being happy.

“I’ll do better, I promise.”

"Thank you,” Adian mumbled as he pressed a kiss against her head.

Now Leanah only hoped she would be able to stay calm once they would talk to her mother. She didn’t want to overreact and cause a scene, but sometimes that was too easy for her because of her overwhelming emotions. Adian was right though, and she would keep her promise to him that she would do better. She had to be strong. Leanah leaned onto him then, turning her body to face his as she leaned her head against his shoulder and let go of his hand so she could wrap her arms around him.

 

[desti]

A Royal Wedding.
Chapter CXVIII
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar
​

They weren’t given much time to get to know each other, but Antra didn’t feel like that was a big issue. It was a little upsetting in a way that she wasn’t marrying a man that she loved, but she didn’t strike out the possibility that she could eventually fall for him. That gave her the happiness that she needed to enjoy her wedding. Over the last few weeks, Antra had quite enjoyed the company of Rydan, so it wasn’t the worst thing in the world to marry him.

Immediately, Antra had made it clear to Brynden that she didn’t want a wedding that would cost a ridiculous amount of gold. It was easy for him to agree to that, considering how much gold they’d need to fix everything that was wrong with Aedighar. So they wouldn’t have a hundred courses during the feast and wouldn’t have a thousand guests attending, but that was fine with Antra.

It had been enjoyable, at least Antra thought so. She found herself momentarily missing her parents so much as she stood outside the Great Sept, clinging onto Brynden’s arm. Whenever Antra had imagined her wedding, she thought of her father giving her away to her husband and her mother crying as she watched from the crowd. Antra had none of that right now and it made her upset just for a moment, before she forced herself to just be happy with what she did have.

Once Antra focused on the present and how blessed she truly was, it was easy for her to enjoy her wedding. She thought it was beautiful and it seemed like Rydan felt happy as well to be able to marry her. Antra couldn’t stop smiling as she said her vows in front of Gods and men. It felt right to be here with Rydan and she hoped that their marriage would be successful, even with the problem of Elias.

It didn’t seem like Rydan wanted to talk about it and Antra understood. Though she wanted to explain everything further to him and talk to him about the future, Antra respected his wishes and kept quiet about it. They could talk more about Elias when he was ready, if that day would ever come. Antra didn’t think they’d be very happy if they’d just ignore him altogether.

As the feast began, Antra listened politely to the toasts that were made to them. It was a little surreal to know that she was married, but Antra would get used to it, just like she’d gotten used to her new role as Queen. She listened to the soft music playing from the corner of the room as a bard sang a song from the North as a gift to her from a rich Lord that she hadn’t caught the name of.

Just as she was about to turn to Rydan to speak, Brynden had stolen her away from her seat for a dance. He was doing somewhat better than he had before, or perhaps it was just the wedding giving him happiness. Either way, Antra was happy to see him living again and not stuck in whatever mindset had held him down for so many weeks. She hoped that he would get back to normalcy soon, even if he’d be far away in the North by that point.

The last chords of the song filled the Hall and Brynden spun her around and hugged her, before walking her back to her seat. Antra giggled as she sat down and took her cup of wine to take a sip of it. She wouldn’t have too much of it, since she didn’t quite like the taste, though Antra did like how warm it made her feel. As she put the cup down she turned to Rydan with a smile, reaching over to take his hand.

"You're beautiful,” Rydan said, smiling back at her and squeezing her hand.

“And you’re very handsome,” Antra giggled.

"Are you enjoying yourself?"

“Yes, are you? Oh! We should dance.”

"I am."

Rydan chuckled and Antra felt like he was laughing at her, which made her laugh again. At least it seemed like Rydan was interested in the idea of dancing with her. Antra liked that, because she enjoyed it and she wanted to dance with her husband, because it sounded so romantic. She didn’t hesitate to take his hand in hers as she lead him to the part of the Hall where there were no tables and other Lords and Ladies swayed with their bodies pressed close together.

"You seem very happy, Antra."

“It’s my wedding, I want to be very happy,” Antra chuckled and stopped, taking his hands and moving them to rest on her waist.

“I’m glad you’re happy.”

His hands squeezed around her waist and Antra smiled brightly as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Rydan was very handsome and so very nice and polite, she quite liked him, actually. None of her felt guilty or as though she was betraying Elias in some way. Antra thought she had enough love and affection to give to both of them. She didn’t love Rydan yet, but she doubted it’d be hard to do that.

They swayed and Antra couldn’t help but look at him and wonder what their life would be like. She was afraid of being alone, without Brynden, Willelm and Aryana by her side, but perhaps she would manage if she’d have Rydan. It would take time for them to build a genuine relationship, but right now it seemed quite possible to create something wonderful. Perhaps Antra was too wishful.

"What are you thinking about?" Rydan asked as he leant closer to Antra.

Maybe Antra was too embarrassed to say her thoughts out loud, but instead of answering she laughed again and leant forwards to press their lips together. They kissed and it felt so lovely. It was so strange that Antra didn’t have to hide anything from those around her and that she could just kiss Rydan whenever she wanted. For some reason, that excited her too much.

​

 

[scoorpiuuss]

During the weeks leading up to the wedding, Rydan found himself getting a little nervous. He had promised himself not to worry over irrational things, but the woman who was now his wife was in love with another man.

Love wasn’t something that faded easily. Knowing that Antra loved another man should have made him furious, but it didn’t. That confused him as he only felt a little nervous about what their marriage would be like. Rydan wanted to talk to Antra about that, but he hadn’t. It didn’t make him happy that she was in love with someone else, but he couldn’t find it in him to be angry or disappointed with her. He knew that wasn’t something she could control, and neither did Rydan want to be in control of her life and tell her that she couldn’t love another.

Since they hadn’t spoken about it, Antra was mostly unaware of Rydan’s feelings towards that situation. He would have preferred it if she could have let go of whoever that person she loved was, but he wouldn’t force her to that. It would have been incredibly selfish of him to force her to stop loving someone, and he knew that it would be impossible as well. Even if he would have liked to be the only one in Antra’s life, Rydan was slowly accepting the thought of it, knowing that he would want to speak to her about it soon.

Those thoughts were far away from his mind once their wedding day came. Rydan was absolutely smitten by Antra once she had stepped into the Great Sept. At that moment, he wasn’t worried anymore. She would be his, and he would be hers, and no matter what would come in between them he knew he would try his best to meet Antra halfway. He would respect her wishes, and he hoped she would do the same back.

Standing there with her in the Great Sept with her felt surreal. Rydan wished he had gotten more time with her before their wedding, but either way, it was a thrilling experience that he was sure he would never forget. Gods, he was a lucky man. He realised that some might have thought he was happy because of the power this marriage would give him, but Rydan was genuinely happy to marry Antra. She was still the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on, and he had no trouble admitting that to himself or to Antra.

Everything was so beautiful once they had arrived at the feast.

Rydan was enjoying himself perhaps a bit too much as his cheeks were already aching from how much he had been smiling. Now all he wanted was to make sure that this day would be memorable for them. When Antra had suggested that they should dance then, Rydan didn’t hesitate to stand up and let her lead him over to the empty space in the Hall. His hands were on her waist, holding her close to him as he slowly swayed them around. When was the last time he had danced? It felt like forever ago, but he hoped he was doing okay.

They kissed, and Rydan held onto her waist with a tight grip as he kept moving with her. The kiss was sweet, romantic even and he thought that this had to be the happiest day of his life. He was suddenly so excited about spending the rest of his life with her. Though he didn’t want to pull away from the kiss, he did, and he looked down at her as he smiled. Again he squeezed her waist, chuckling quietly.

“I’m very lucky.”

"You think so?"

“I do,” Rydan nodded.

"I'm lucky, too,” she smiled, and Rydan felt her hand stroking against the back of his neck.

Rydan couldn’t describe the sensation of knowing that their feelings were mutual. He was glad that Antra seemed to be genuinely happy about this. That was what he wanted. He wanted them both to be happy. He leaned down to kiss her again, sighing into the kiss as Antra kissed him back. When she pressed closer to him, Rydan stroked his hands from her waist and onto her back. The kiss distracted him slightly from dancing, but he didn’t mind, hoping that she didn’t mind it either. Kissing her felt right.

When Antra began stroking his hair, Rydan pulled away, “I thought we were here to dance, but I’m not complaining.”

"We can focus on dancing, if you'd prefer that,” Antra shrugged.

“No,” he said, leaning down to kiss her again.

That made Antra giggle which Rydan smiled at while he kept kissing her. It was their wedding, and he didn’t mind that everyone could see them. They were husband and wife. He moved his hands to her waist again, keeping a tight grip on her while holding her close to his body. Since he did want to dance with her as well, he kept moving them around while Antra was holding onto him as well.

If Rydan could have, he would have stood there with her for hours only to kiss her. He wanted to give her all of his affection. His hands stroked to her back again, his fingers traced along her spine as he kissed her more passionately. Too soon did Antra pull away, but Rydan didn’t stop her as he let her lay her head on his shoulder. With his hands still stroking against her back, he pressed a kiss against the side of her head.

“I hope you’ll excuse my terrible dancing,” Rydan mumbled with a slight chuckle.

 

[desti]

It felt just as romantic as Antra had imagined. It wasn’t Elias, but Rydan wasn’t too bad. Now that they were dancing and kissing one another, it felt right to be here with him. Maybe it was just Antra being too romantic or too wishful, but she found herself getting lost in the moment. The people around them didn’t really matter anymore, it was just her and Rydan in her mind then.

“You’re not the worst dancing partner.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Antra laughed.

"I'm glad I'm not the worst then."

“Just barely.”

"I see how it is."

Again, Antra laughed and pulled away from Rydan as she grabbed his hand and raised it above her head so she could twirl in a circle. The skirt of her dress looked so lovely as she did that and Antra imagined that she must’ve looked pretty if anyone were to look at her. It didn’t last too long, though, and before her head could even begin to spin, Rydan grabbed her and pulled her back close to him. Antra didn’t mind, though.

Her hands moved to rest on his shoulders as she looked up at him, stroking her thumbs gently against the fabric of his shirt. Rydan leant in to kiss her again, and Antra smiled into it. It felt so nice to kiss him and not be afraid. Rydan was her husband and Antra actually quite liked the sound of that. They were one now, and that thought suddenly made her incredibly excited.

Rydan cupped her cheeks with his hands, stroking his fingers against them gently. They really weren’t dancing at all now, but Antra didn’t mind all that much. She moved her hands to rest on his his wrists, holding them gently while they kissed. When Rydan pulled away, he seemed so happy and that made Antra unable to stop smiling back at him. She turned her head slightly so that she could kiss his hand, before pulling away from him completely and walking back to their seats without him.

Only when Antra sat down again did she look at Rydan again who had followed her, though he did look a little confused. She giggled and took her cup of wine again to drink from it before setting it down again. Though the food was incredible, Antra didn’t really find herself being hungry, so she only ate some at the very beginning of the feast to be polite.

Rydan laughed as he sat down next to her again, “are you having fun?”
“Obviously,” Antra smiled and put her cup down as she turned to him, taking his hand in hers.

“Good.”

Antra watched as Rydan raised her hand and pressed his lips against the top of it. Her heart fluttered then from either the wine or how sweet that was. Either way, it made her smile brightly at him before she leant in to kiss him again. It seemed impossible to stay away from him for too long, like there was something addictive about him. Rydan’s hands went back to her cheeks and Antra smiled, giggling again into the kiss.

"Do you want to stay here?"

In all honesty, Antra would’ve liked to have some more privacy with Rydan. It was nice to be able to kiss him in front of everyone, but she thought it’d be even better if they could be alone. It was awfully hot in the Great Hall too, and the people around them were slowly getting drunk on the wine that was given to them. Antra didn’t mind it yet, but she knew that soon the wine would make those around them grow incredibly loud and annoying.

“Are we allowed to leave?”

"I'm sure no one would mind if we left."

“It’s our wedding feast. I don’t think we can just disappear without anyone noticing,” Antra laughed.

“We can stay,” Rydan smiled as he leant in to kiss her cheek.

“But now you made me want to leave.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes, really,” Antra laughed.

"Let's leave then."

It was too tempting to resist, really. It was their wedding and they were King and Queen. Would somebody really mind if they left? Antra didn’t want a bedding ceremony anyways, so she doubted anything would be ruined with their departure. There was nothing wrong with Antra wanting to spend some time alone with her new husband. She thought nobody would mind that.

“Let’s,” Antra smiled.

At that, Rydan got up from his seat and took her hand again as he began to lead her away. It didn’t seem like anyone noticed or if they did then they didn’t mind. The only people truly paying attention were the guards, as a pair of them swiftly joined them, following the couple close behind. Antra was slowly getting used to that and she was getting to know the guards that surrounded her day and night.

"Where do you want to go?"

Antra shrugged her shoulders and smiled, moving so that she’d be closer to his side, “I don’t mind.”

"We could go to your room,” Rydan suggested as they stopped and he turned to cup her face again with his hands.

“Our room,” Antra corrected, “but yes, we could.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

It had to be something in the air that caused Rydan to be completely smitten by Antra. He couldn’t keep his hands off of her. Something was drawing him to her, and he wasn’t sure if it was because he was genuinely happy to be married to her or something else. No matter what the reason was, Rydan admired her. He let his gaze linger on her for too long as he found himself mesmerised by her beauty. Gods, he was so lucky, and he kept repeating that to himself every time their gaze met. This was without a doubt the most memorable day of his life.

When Antra corrected him, it all began to feel very real to Rydan. They spend every day for the rest of their lives together. He would wake up with her in his arms, and only now did he start to think about all the different things they could do together now that they were married. Perhaps he should have left embarrassed that the thought of it made him extremely excited, but he wondered what it would be like with Antra. He wanted her to feel safe and comfortable, shower her in affection and find out what made her feel good.

Without saying another word, Rydan let go of her face, taking her hand again as he walked them towards their room. He wasn’t sure what he had expected for their wedding day, but it was truly a beautiful day. Now he wanted to show Antra that he would be a good husband to her. No matter what would happen with the man she loved, Rydan would always make sure she was safe with him. Even if they would end up not getting along, he knew he would still be the man he believed she deserved to have.

“I can’t get over how beautiful you are,” Rydan mumbled as he opened the door to their room.

"You're too kind,” Antra smiled as she stepped inside, turning around to face him.

Rydan closed the door behind him once he was inside, leaning against it, “it’s true.”

Inappropriate thoughts rushed through his mind once Antra stepped closer to him with her hands on his shoulders. Rydan held onto her waist, pressing her body against his as he looked down at her. With one of his hands, he raised it to brush her hair behind her ear, leaning down to press a kiss against her cheek. He left a trail of kisses from her cheek, along her jaw and down to her neck. The hand Antra had on his shoulder, moved to stroke his hair which he quite liked. It sent slight shivers down his spine at how nice it felt.

Rydan pulled away from her neck, leaning down to kiss her lips as he held onto her waist with both of his hands again. When Antra kept stroking his hair, pressing closer against her body, he bent his knees to hook his arms under her thighs to lift her up. Though he could have carried her over to the bed, Rydan turned them around to press her against the door. Antra giggled which made Rydan chuckle as well. It seemed like she was enjoying herself, and that was what he wanted. He squeezed onto her thighs then, keeping the kiss somewhat sweet.

Because of how clouded his mind became, Rydan didn’t think about pulling away to ask if she had done this before. Perhaps he should have, but then they would end up talking about the man she loved, and right now, Rydan wanted to focus on her, focus on them and what was happening today on their wedding day. Antra kept stroking his hair, squeezing onto his shoulder which made him pull away as he pressed his lip against her chin and down along her jaw. At that she tilted her head, making him gently suck onto her skin.

While he began kissing her neck, Rydan moved them away from the door as he started walking towards the bed. If Antra didn’t want to do anything, he hoped she would say so, as he was painfully aware of how much is body wanted this. The thought of it hadn’t hit him once during their weeks together because he had wanted to respect her, but now he wondered how he had managed to have that kind of control over his body. Rydan had no idea, and neither did he care anymore as he sat down at the edge of the bed with Antra in his lap.

Antra pulled away from him, making him lean back slightly to meet her gaze. Her fingers stroked against his cheeks, making him smile at how sweet it was. Gods, she was gorgeous. With his hands on her waist, he stroked his fingers against her, gently squeezing onto her as he chuckled at how nice this was. Antra leaned forward to kiss him, and Rydan didn’t hesitate to kiss her back. Only now did he think about if she had done this before and that he was perhaps getting a little ahead of himself even if it was their wedding day.

As they kept kissing each other, Rydan stroked his hands up to her back so he could stroke his fingers over her hair. Now he wondered if they should wait until they knew each other a little better, though Rydan wouldn’t complain if Antra wanted anything to happen now. In the end, it would be her choice, and he would respect her wishes, deciding that she would get to take the lead in case he was getting the wrong impression of her actions.

 

[desti]

News.
Chapter CXIX
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar
​

Everyone was having fun at the wedding, while Brynden found himself once again being a nervous mess, trying to keep his act together in front of everyone. He had been worried in the weeks before the wedding, in case things wouldn’t work out between Antra and Rydan. Even when those around them told Brynden that things were going quite well, he couldn’t shake off his anxiousness.

Giving his little sister away to her husband was a lot harder than Brynden had expected, too. Rydan seemed like a good man and Brynden trusted him, but it was hard for him to do this. Antra had grown up too fast and Brynden felt like he hadn’t spent enough time with her. The thought of the wedding had made him embarrassingly emotional for a while now and it had only been worse on the actual day.

This really was a new chapter for them all and Brynden hated that. He wanted to be around Willelm and Antra, keep things how they were and just live blissfully with them until the end of their days. That wouldn’t be the case anymore. They had planned to leave Wheldrake just after the wedding, and Brynden didn’t know when the next time he’d see his siblings would be. He hated that so fucking much.

The only thing making him somewhat happy that day was the fact that Antra and Rydan were already away from the feast when they hadn’t been even halfway through it. Though, at the same time that made Brynden maybe a little too angry at Rydan and he had too keep himself from being an idiot. Instead, Brynden tried to focus on the feast around him and talking to Willelm.

A few younger and older Ladies had approached him during the night and called him too serious when he had to decline their offers to dance with them. Brynden didn’t really care, since he’d only wanted to dance with Antra today and he’d done that. The only other woman he really gave the time of day to was Aryana, but she only came over to speak to him briefly. That was fine with him.

The feast was quickly ending and Brynden wasn’t sure where the time had gone. Maybe he’d gotten lost in his own thoughts about how quickly Willelm and Antra had grown up. He felt so out of place suddenly when he looked around the emptying Hall and he wasn’t quite sure how many hours had passed. Brynden got up from his seat, only to be greeted by the face of Aryana once more.

"I was hoping you wouldn't mind if we spent some time together."

“Now? It’s quite late, My Lady,” Brynden said as he pushed his chair under the table.

"I don't mind that it's late."

At that, Brynden raised an eyebrow but he didn’t really mind her offer. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to be alone just yet, because he figured that his thoughts would only become louder then. Brynden shrugged and looked at Aryana again, “well, if you want. I don’t mind.”

"I'm sure it can wait until tomorrow if you don't want to, Brynden."

As Aryana spoke, she looked so happy that Brynden almost hoped that she could infect him with that joy. He wanted to be happy on his sister’s wedding, not be as selfish as he was right now. Spending time with Aryana sounded nice, too, considering that they were getting along lately.

“I want to.”

“Good.”

“Where do you want to go?” Brynden asked as he gently took her by the arm so that they could walk together.

"We could go to your room?"

Brynden doubted that Aryana was thinking the same thoughts that suddenly popped into his mind. Either way, he nodded and began to lead the way to his room, leaving the feast behind them. Actually, Aryana seemed very happy and Brynden couldn’t help but get curious. Was she really that happy for Antra? That was nice, but Brynden didn’t quite get it.

“You’re very happy.”

“I am.”

“Because of the wedding?”

"The wedding makes me happy, but no, not because of that."

“What then?”

It was hard for Brynden not to smile a little because of how truly joyful Aryana seemed. Obviously it made him feel happy that she was happy, even if he felt quite miserable right now. Brynden did like her, after all. Now he hoped that whatever was making her happy would do the same for him. Then Aryana stopped and looked up at him, which made Brynden stop in his tracks as well.

"Will you be angry with me?"

“Why would I be angry with you?”

"Because I don't know if you're ready for this."

That didn’t sound very happy to Brynden, if anything it just sounded like something he’d end up worrying about again. He might not be ready for it and it might make him angry with Aryana? It was making Brynden confused while he tried to figure out what might have happened. He hadn’t heard anything involving Aryana from anyone, so he was truly lost as to what it could be.

“What is it, Aryana?”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

When Aryana had found out that she was carrying Brynden’s child, it was a struggle to keep her mouth closed about it to everyone else. Those news made her thrilled. Though it hadn’t been her plan to give him a child before after their wedding, and even if she knew they perhaps weren’t quite ready for a child, she couldn’t help but feel happy that she was pregnant. It had been unexpected, but after going back and forth so many times with Brynden, she imagined this child could help them settle. That made her incredibly joyous on Antra’s wedding day.

The wedding was beautiful, and Aryana was happy for Antra. Lord Rydan seemed like a good man to her, and that was what Antra deserved, but selfishly Aryana was distracted with her secret that she was aching to tell Brynden about. She wondered how he would react. For a moment she worried he would get angry with her because of how upset he had been after the war, and tell her that he wasn’t ready for a child. Aryana hoped he would be happy and see the possibilities she was seeing. They would have a child together, a child they could both love.

It must have been very obvious that she was happy since Brynden had picked up on it as soon as they had left the feast together. Aryana couldn’t stop smiling, and she wanted to tell him right away as he had asked what it was, but then she felt nervous again. This was such a good moment for her that she didn’t want Brynden to ruin it for her. He would be a father, the father of her child and she liked the thought of that. Even if they weren’t that close, Aryana hoped this would bring them closer and teach them how to love.

“I’m pregnant,” Aryana said, watching him closely.

Brynden grew quiet, and Aryana thought he looked confused as he stared at her. That made her chuckle because maybe he didn’t believe her, but she wasn’t lying to him. She would be giving him a child. They would have this child together, and she imagined that soon they would be married. A while ago she hadn’t known what to think about that, but now she was very excited about that.

“What?”

“I’m pregnant, Brynden,” she repeated with a smile.

Now Brynden looked more surprised than anything, and he began stuttering which made Aryana cup his cheeks as she stepped closer to him. Her thumbs stroked against his skin as she tried to calm him down. His hands went to her waist, and Aryana was glad that he didn’t seem angry with her. If he would have been, then she wasn’t sure what she would have done, and now she no longer had to worry about that.

"Really?"

“Yes,” Aryana nodded.

“Aryana.”

“I know this is probably not what you expected and that we perhaps aren’t ready, but I’m carrying your child Brynden.”

There were so many emotions that rushed through her then. Aryana couldn’t even begin to explain how it made her feel that they were having a child together and that Brynden knew that now. Even if she knew that they should have waited until after they were married, to her the child seemed like their only hope. They had argued so much over the past few months, and she was ready to put all their disagreements behind them and focus on this. Brynden looked rather shocked now though as he kept staring at her, making her chuckle again.

“Are you happy?”

Brynden laughed and smiled which gave Aryana the confirmation she needed. They were both smiling now as he hugged her, picking her up and spinning her around. She laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck as she held tightly onto him. Even when he stopped spinning her around, the grip he had around her was so tight that Aryana worried he could actually suffocate her, but she only chuckled.

Had she ever seen Brynden this happy before?

While Aryana pressed her chest against his, her fingers tangled with his hair as she held onto him, taking a deep breath because of how tight his grip around her was. She didn’t mind it because of happy he was. This was the reaction she had wished for, making her feel happier if that was even possible. Though she didn’t mind it, it was becoming a little too harsh for her once she felt her chest heaving slightly.

“Brynden,” she breathed.

"Sorry,” Brynden said once he pulled away from her.

“I’m glad you’re happy.”

"Of course I'm happy."

“Good. I worried you wouldn’t be, but seeing you so happy makes me feel relieved.”

Aryana wasn’t sure if she had ever felt this happy either and it was strange. How could a child bring her so much happiness? Once she had thought it as a burden that she would have to give Brynden children, but now they stood there, both thrilled about the news. Gods, she was so thankful for that, and also very thankful that she'd dared to tell him.

 

[desti]

Brynden was going to be a father. Suddenly that was all he could think about and nothing else mattered at that moment. The constant guilt that followed him seemed irrelevant then, Brynden couldn’t remember what he’d been upset about today. All he saw in front of his eyes was Aryana and all Brynden could think about then was the child that he’d put in her lap.

Obviously it wasn’t the best timing for this, as they weren’t even back in the North yet. It was much too soon, they weren’t ready for a child. They had nothing prepared, they weren’t married. Gods, Brynden had to marry her now, faster than he had expected to do that. It wouldn’t be good for Aryana to have his child outside of their marriage. Brynden didn’t mind having the wedding sooner, though, and he hoped that Aryana wouldn’t mind either.

Even those thoughts drifted away from Brynden’s mind as he became too happy about the news Aryana gave him. Gods, a father… would he be a good one? Brynden wanted to be one, so he would try to be just like his own father. He wanted a child so bad, but he hadn’t expected that to happen so soon. Brynden was fucking ecstatic, though, and that was quite obvious. It was impossible to keep the smile away from his face.

“I can’t believe it,” Brynden mumbled as he finally let go of Aryana, setting her back down to stand on her own.

"Are you excited?"

“Yes. Gods, yes.”

Again, Brynden laughed and pushed one of his hands through his hair. Perhaps he was dreaming. Maybe he fell asleep in the feast out of boredom and this was all a dream. That sounded plausible, but this felt too real. Brynden laughed and shook his head a little. Would they have a son or a daughter? What would they name him or her? Would they look more like Brynden or take after Aryana?

“Me too.”

It was impossible to keep his hands away from her for too long, so Brynden pulled her back to him, hugging her tightly against him. Though this time he tried not to suffocate her. Aryana’s face nuzzled against his neck and Brynden stroked his hand over her hair while pressing a kiss against the top of her head.

"It feels so surreal."

“I know. Gods, I can’t believe it. We’re going to be parents,” Brynden whispered, as though trying to convince himself that this was actually happening.

The thought of it was so strange and yet so amazing. Brynden wanted this so badly, he hadn’t thought it’d happen this soon, but that didn’t bother him at all. Him and Aryana weren’t that close yet, but Brynden didn’t doubt that this would be the push they needed to become something genuine. She would be the mother of his child and Brynden wanted to love her.

"Do you think we'll be good parents?"

At that Brynden pulled away so that he could look at her, leaving his hands to rest on her waist, “of course. You’ll be amazing, Aryana.”

There was no doubt in Brynden’s mind that Aryana would be a good mother. He couldn’t quite explain it, but it just seemed like motherhood wouldn’t be hard for Aryana to grow accustomed to. Brynden hoped that he’d be a good father and he would be sure to do his best. If they would stop fighting with one another, then Brynden thought that they’d make good parents.

"I hope so, and I think this child will be very lucky to have you as their father."
That made Brynden so happy to hear and it meant a lot to him. He didn’t know if she was just kind or if she truly meant it, but, Gods, he was fucking ecstatic. Brynden hugged her tightly again, kissing the side of her head. Though the hug didn’t last long because Aryana pulled away so that she could lean in and kiss him. Brynden didn’t mind at all and held her close still while they kissed.

Aryana’s hand rested on his neck, while her thumb was on his jaw. Brynden smiled and squeezed her waist gently. He hadn’t felt genuinely happy in a while, but this truly made him happy. Brynden missed this feeling and he loved that Aryana had given it to him. She was amazing, she truly was, she’d stayed with him through this mess and now she was giving him a child. Fuck, he was so grateful for her.

Too soon, Aryana pulled away from the kiss. Brynden left his hands on her waist and held her close to him still. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her then. Gods, she was gorgeous. Aryana would be his wife and Brynden found himself so happy with that thought. They didn’t love each other, but Brynden hoped that that would change soon.

"I haven't told anyone else."

“Not even your father?”

“No.”

“Are you going to? Or do you want to wait?”

In all honesty, Brynden wanted to tell everyone. He wanted to walk around and just let everyone know how fucking happy he was to be a father. It was probably because of how happy he was that he wanted to share the news, but he would control that urge in case Aryana wanted to keep it a secret. Fuck, Brynden wanted to tell Willelm, though, and Antra would be so happy.

"I think I'll tell him before we leave."

At that, Brynden nodded and leant in to press their lips together again. He smiled into it and tried to tone his excitement down a little so he wouldn’t become too annoying. But he was so fucking happy that it was hard for him to do.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

There were so many thoughts that rushed through her mind at once. Aryana could barely control herself while they kissed. Everything was so blissful and perfect. They would have this child together, and neither of them seemed to be able to contain their happiness. She hoped that her father would be happy for them even if they weren’t married yet. A part of her believed that he wouldn’t mind, but she had no idea what to expect. For now, she wanted to focus on Brynden. She wanted to spend the night with him, talk about this until they’d fall asleep.

While they kissed, Aryana grasped onto his shoulders, pressing her body closer to his. They would be great parents. Family was important to them both, and she imagined they would be good at parenting. Though she was nervous, she was mostly excited. Being a mother would be fun and having Brynden by her side would make it even better. She wanted to love him and hoped that he would be able to love her so they could love their child and have a good marriage. That was all she wanted, and because of the child, she was very hopeful.

They hadn’t even reached his room, but Aryana didn’t mind. She kept kissing him, not wanting to pull away. His hands stroked against her waist, and she moved her hands into his hair as she craved his affection now. It was so hard to believe that this had happened so quickly, but she felt so happy. Her whole body tingled just from the thought that she was carrying his child. She couldn’t help but kiss him more passionately, and at that, Brynden picked her up as he began walking with her in his arms.

Aryana wrapped her legs around his waist, not pulling away from the kiss. If someone were to see them now, she wondered what they would think, but she found herself not caring too much about that. It didn’t matter since they would be married one day. She tightened her grip on his hair in an attempt to contain her happiness, but still, she was smiling so much into the kiss. Though when Brynden pulled away, Aryana couldn’t keep her lips away from him as she pressed them along his jaw, his beard tickling her skin until she moved down to his neck.

The walk to his room wasn’t too long, but Aryana didn’t pull away from his neck or stop stroking his hair until they were inside. Only then did she pull away to look at him with a smile resting on her lips. Their gaze met and Brynden looked so happy too.

“Gods, I’m so excited,” Aryana chuckled.

“Me too,” he chuckled as well.

“I’m so glad I told you.”

"How long have you known?" Brynden asked as he walked to sit down on the bed, holding her in his lap.

“Only a day. I couldn’t keep it a secret for long.”

Brynden laughed as he pulled her into a hug again, and Aryana wrapped her arms around his neck as she pressed against him. Would it ever stop feeling so surreal? She was so used to them being on edge with each other that it felt strange now that it seemed like they couldn’t stop smiling or embracing each other. As he chuckled, she laughed too, tightening her grip around him. She only hoped that he would let her stay the night now, though she doubted he would send her away.

“You’ll let me stay here tonight, right?” Aryana asked to confirm.

"You can stay as long as you want."

“Thank you.”

"Fuck, I'm happy."

“Me too,” she chuckled.

While Brynden laughed, he laid down on the bed and hugged her. Aryana nuzzled her face close to his neck again, smiling against his skin while she stroked his hair. It was strange how a while ago it had all seemed so hopeless for them, but now everything seemed to be fixed. His hands were stroking over her hair, and she felt so safe and like Brynden cared for her. She cared for him, obviously. That was what she had been doing, or trying to be doing for the past few weeks after the war. Perhaps he would finally let her in now.

“What are you hoping for?”

"I really don't mind,” Brynden chuckled.

“Me neither.”

"We'll have to marry as soon as we get back to Nilfgaard."

“I don’t mind. I want to marry you, Brynden.”

"And I you."

Aryana pulled away from the hug only to lean down and kiss him. The fact that Brynden wanted to marry her made her feel even better. Though they had no choice but to marry, it felt good knowing that they both wanted it. The kiss made everything feel so real then. Their emotions were mutual, and they were sharing such a beautiful moment. Brynden stroked her hair, and Aryana cupped his cheeks while she kept kissing him, wanting him to feel how happy this was making her. Gods, she never wanted this day to end.

 

[desti]

They wanted to marry each other and they would have a child together. Knowing that made Brynden so fucking happy he couldn’t contain his excitement. This was what he wanted. He didn’t think he deserved any of the happiness he was getting right now, but Brynden couldn’t care less about that right now. Fuck, he was so fucking happy, and he tried to show Aryana that by wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her still.

Though they had had their sweet moments before, Brynden thought that this was the happiest they’d both been around each other. He wanted to always be this happy with her. This truly felt amazing and Brynden felt suddenly so close to Aryana. It felt like things could work out between them, finally. Maybe Brynden was too wishful, but he thought that this pregnancy, this child could finally bring them together.

Aryana chuckled into the kiss and Brynden laughed as he pulled away and leant his head back against the mattress to that he could look up at her. He moved his hand so that he could stroke his fingers against her cheek gently while he looked up at her, admiring her and her beauty. Brynden watched as she sat up, stroking her hands over his chest. He smiled and moved his hands to rest on her waist, his thumbs stroking gently against her stomach.

That made Aryana chuckle again and Brynden smiled as he watched her. It was so surreal to think that they’d have a child together. He really hoped it would all work out. It was much too soon, but Brynden thought that they’d manage. They were both obviously ecstatic about the news, so he was sure that the child would be loved. That was what mattered most to him, anyways.

“I’m going to be a father,” Brynden mumbled to himself as his gaze moved down to her stomach.

"You're going to be such a good father."

“I hope so.”

It meant a lot to Brynden that Aryana said it, though. He knew that she would be a good mother, there was no doubt in his mind about that. Brynden was a lot more uncertain about himself, but he’d just have to try his hardest not to fuck something up. It shouldn’t be that hard, or at least Brynden hoped so.

"I know you will."

“Thank you. You’re going to be amazing, I know it,” Brynden smiled as he looked back at her.

"We'll be good parents, Brynden."

At that, Brynden nodded and sat up so that he could kiss her again. This child would be so loved. Maybe they could have more, if Aryana would be alright with it. Perhaps it was selfish of Brynden, but he wanted to have more than one child with her. He wanted his children to have brothers and sisters, he wanted them to be as close as he’d been with his siblings. It sounded so amazing in his mind.

While they kissed, Aryana’s hands were on the back of his neck. Brynden smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist again, kissing her softly while his fingers stroked gently along her spine. Aryana was pressing so close against him and Brynden couldn’t get enough of this. Everything felt so fucking right and he loved that so much. Brynden wanted this moment to last and he hoped that their happiness would stay.

"Do you want to tell everyone?" Aryana asked as she pulled away.

Brynden chuckled and nodded, “yes. I don’t know how you’ve only told me, I wouldn’t have been able to keep this a secret.”

"We can tell everyone together."

That made Brynden excited all over again, because he thought that Willelm and Antra would be fucking ecstatic to hear about this. He did have some friends too that he thought would be happy for him. Telling Aryana’s father was a little frightening, but Brynden doubted that he would be mad at them for something like this.

“Good,” Brynden smiled and kissed Aryana again.

They kissed and Aryana moved her hands to stroke through his hair. It was suddenly so hard for Brynden to even focus on the kiss as he pulled away sooner than he would’ve liked and fell back against the bed, laughing a little while his hands moved to rest on Aryana’s thighs.

"I had no idea this would make you so happy."

“I don’t remember the last time I was this happy,” Brynden chuckled, “fuck, Aryana.”

"It makes me very happy to see you like this."

“I love seeing you this happy, too.”

"I want this for us. Happiness."

Aryana leant over him then, her hands cupping his face while she spoke. Brynden thought that was so sweet, it made him smile even brighter at her, while he moved his hands higher so that he could stroke her hair. He wanted that too, of course he did. Brynden wanted happiness for both of them, that’s what he’d always wanted. They would have a family together and it was so wonderful to think about that, because Brynden already knew that it would be amazing.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Drunk
Chapter CXX
House Hastwyck
Sow knowledge, reap wisdom.
Santrella, Southern lands of Aedighar
​

Drinking wine had sounded like a good idea a few hours ago. They were having fun, and Elias had missed drinking, even if he was missing the one person he enjoyed drinking with. He had no clue where Arthor was, assuming he was busy with something since he wasn’t here with him. There was a sudden urge within Elias, and he knew he needed to find Arthor, but as he had stood up from his chair his head felt heavy, and the world was spinning around him as he tried to make his way towards the hallway.

Multiple times Elias would stop and lean onto something as he tried to regain himself, but the longer he stood still, the more drowsy he felt. Once he reached the hallway, he couldn’t even recall what he had been doing just a few minutes ago. Had he stumbled into someone? Elias could barely remember a slurred apology slipping from his lips, but perhaps he was only imagining things. His hand dragged along the wall as he tried to keep himself on his legs, but for each step he took, his knees just grew weaker and weaker.

Everything was becoming so blurred, and he tried to rub his other hand against his eyes to clear his vision. That seemed to make it worse, and Elias had to stop once again as he leaned onto the wall. His head was pounding, but the addictive taste of wine lingered on his tongue while a warmth rushed through his body. A smile rested on his lips as he dragged his tongue along it, and hadn’t it been for how exhausting it was to walk, Elias would have gone back to get more wine. Then he was reminded of Arthor again.

Seeing Arthor became Elias’ motivation to keep walking. Things had been so nice between them lately, and he couldn’t seem to get Arthor off of his mind. He wanted to spend every night with his friend, and he wanted to tell Arthor how much he thought about him. It only seemed like his attraction had grown stronger and stronger, and now Elias wasn’t sure how to handle it anymore. Perhaps that was why he had drunk so much wine, but he couldn’t remember. All he could think about was Arthor.

Elias could barely recognise the familiar hallway when his knees were so weak that all he could do was lean against the wall again, only to sink down onto the floor. Suddenly the floor felt so comforting as he laid his whole body down against hit, resting his head on top of his arm. A sigh fell from his lips, and now he wanted to sleep. This hadn’t been his plan, but now Elias couldn’t remember why he had walked all this way. Where was his room? Or was this his room? Why did his bed suddenly feel so hard?

There were distant sounds of footsteps, but Elias couldn’t seem to lift his head or open his eyes. Then there was someone close to him, and he heard a voice, but he couldn’t make sense of the words. Only when he managed to open his eyes and see the very blurred face of Arthor did he feel energised again. A smile grew on his face as he tried to move, he wanted to grab him and pull him down onto the floor with him so they could kiss, but all he managed to do was reach out into the air and pat his hand against the floor.

“Arthor,” he slurred.

“Elias,” Arthor said, and Elias saw him stand up which he didn’t like.

Again Elias tried to reach for him, “no, come back.”

"The fuck are you doing on the floor?"

“I wanted to see you.”

It sounded like Arthor was annoyed, but Elias didn’t pick up on it. He tried to sit up again, propping himself up on his elbows before sitting up with his back leaned against the wall. Gods, he wanted Arthor. As he looked at him, he couldn’t help but feel that need to be with him. They were so good together, and Elias craved his company more than anything else. They should be together, Elias would have liked that.

"Here I am, but you could've just gone to my room, Elias. It's not that far away."

“I don’t know what happened.”

"How drunk are you?"

“A little, not that drunk,” Elias chuckled.

"Sure."

Since Elias was in denial of how drunk he actually was then, he rose to his feet while holding onto the wall to support himself. As soon as he stood up though, all he could do was lean forward onto Arthor, grasping onto his shoulders from how heavy his body felt.

“I wanted to see you,” he repeated as if Arthor had just asked him what he was doing again.

"Gods, Elias,” Arthor chuckled.

“I love it when you say my name.”

"Fuck, you're drunk."

“Say it again,” Elias mumbled as he tried moving his hand to his cheek.

Whenever Arthor would say his name, it sounded so sweet. Elias loved hearing it, and he would have enjoyed hearing it over and over again. He wasn’t sure why it was like that, but whenever Arthor said it his whole body tingled. Perhaps that was because of the wine, but either way, Elias couldn’t get enough of it. He couldn’t get enough of Arthor either. Right now he was so selfish for wanting to have Arthor all for himself, but he couldn’t help it. He was so fucking attracted to him.

 

[desti]

Arthor’s day had dragged in quite a bit more than he had expected. Some raiders had been making their way through the farmlands in the South, tearing apart many vineyards and fields. That, in turn, meant that many people came to Lady Carlys for help. They asked for gold and they asked for more land, while Lady Carlys was only able to pay them back what the raiders had taken and give them a promise to deal with the group sooner than later.

It was tiring to stand there for so many hours as they listened. Between the beggars, Arthor actually tried to talk to Lady Carlys, which he had done before but hadn’t lately because of obvious reasons. Ever since Leanah had told her the truth, Arthor thought Lady Carlys acted both better and worse towards him. Arthor thought that his head would definitely roll, but it was still very much on his shoulders and he felt incredibly grateful.

Gods, Arthor had been so fucking nervous. Leanah was amazing, though, she had managed to calm Lady Carlys down and Arthor thought that the conversation had gone surprisingly well. He was still sure that Lady Hastwyck hated every part of him and wanted him dead, but maybe he could fix that over time. Now Arthor was back to wanting to fix things between them, as well as between him and Lord Adian.

While everything still overwhelmed Arthor to the point that every once in a while he would just breakdown, other than that things were going almost normally. When Arthor was finally let go by Lady Carlys to go sleep after having a long day, all he wanted was to lay down and rest. He had to wake up early the next day to do this same shit all over again, so Arthor wasn’t exactly ecstatic about this.

What he hadn’t expected was to see Elias on the ground just a short walk away from his room. Obviously, Arthor grew concerned when he saw him like that, as his immediate thought was that something had happened. It hadn’t. Elias was just fucking drunk. It did annoy Arthor for a moment, before he found himself a little amused with the situation and how rough Elias looked.

Though they were in the hallway, Arthor let Elias lean onto him and touch his cheek with his hand. It was too late for anyone else to be around and Arthor hadn’t seen anyone on his walk here. It would be fine. If someone would see, then it was obvious that Elias was drunk out of his mind. That would be a good enough excuse, Arthor figured. Though they should really get back to Arthor’s room soon, that was obvious.

“Come on,” Arthor said, instead of Elias’ name, as he moved his arm around his shoulders so that he could help him walk.

"Are we going to your room?"

“Yes. I doubt you could survive the walk to yours.”

"I don't want to go to my room."

“I know, so we’re going to mine.”

Knowing how Elias got when he was drunk, Arthor figured that he might try something. Arthor wouldn’t allow that, though, because Elias was too drunk and he was too sober. His plan right now was to just get Elias to fall asleep quickly so that he could do the same. Arthor could only hope that Elias would cooperate.

“Good.”

It was hard for Arthor to walk straight because of how much Elias was stumbling around. Gods, how much had he had to drink? And why wasn’t Arthor invited? Though, admittedly, Arthor had been trying to cut back on his wine drinking habits, even if he sometimes failed at that. If Arthor was like this when he was drunk, then maybe he really should stop. They reached his room fairly quickly and Arthor pushed the door open, helping Elias get inside.

"I thought about you all day."

“You did?” Arthor asked, while he pulled away from Elias’ tight grip so that he could close the door and hang his sword belt in its place on the wall.

"Yes. You're on my mind all the time."

Arthor looked over his shoulder as he heard Elias stumble. He was walking towards the bed and that was good. Arthor took off everything he had to wear for work over his regular clothes, before he could really turn all of his attention to Elias.

"You're so handsome."

At that, Arthor chuckled and shook his head a little. He kicked his boots off but left everything else on, just so that Elias wouldn’t get any ideas. Elias had managed to reach the bed on his own and Arthor left him there while he walked over to his table to his wine pitcher. He was trying to stop that habit, but Elias was so fucking drunk that he needed some of the alcohol to help him deal with this.

Just as Arthor raised the cup to his lips, he heard Elias move again behind him. His arms wrapped around Arthor, making him chuckle a little as he patted his hand against Elias’ while taking a sip. If it wasn’t for how drunk Elias was, it would’ve felt nice when he kissed and gently bit his neck. Right now it just made Arthor drink the whole cup in a few gulps. Elias only kept kissing his neck while his hands stroked over his chest.

“I think it’s bedtime for you, Elias,” Arthor chuckled as he set his cup down and took Elias’ hands so that he could gently push his arms away from him.

"No, I want to be with you,” Elias said and wrapped his arms back around him.

Again, Arthor tried to untangle himself from Elias, “I’ll be right next to you.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

The thought of sleep sounded nice. Elias wanted to lay his head down against a pillow while wrapping his body up in blankets to make him feel comforted, but since Arthor was here with him, he wanted nothing more than to be with him. Sleep could wait since Elias was desperate for his attention. He wanted to tell Arthor all about how he thought about him often, how he felt so fucking attracted to him that he couldn’t seem to stop his silly thoughts. Had he been sober it would have been easy to keep his mouth shut, but now Elias had no control over himself.

It upset him when Arthor tried to get out of his embrace. Elias wanted to hold him and kiss him while telling him sweet words about how they should be together more often. Though it wasn’t safe to be with Arthor like he wanted to, he couldn’t help but want to wake up with him every morning. That was pathetic, but Elias wasn’t in control of his emotions either. He had somehow managed to develop slight feelings for Arthor even though they were supposed to be just friends. Friends didn’t do the things they did.

“I don’t want to sleep,” Elias said with a pout as he took a step away from Arthor.

"You sure? I seem to recall you sleeping on the floor,” Arthor said as he turned, and Elias met his gaze.

“I want to be with you. I can’t stop thinking about you. I don’t want to sleep.”

“Elias,” Arthor chuckled.

Since Arthor didn’t want Elias to hold him, he stumbled back towards the bed to sit down on it before he laid down with his back pressed against the mattress. He was still pouting as he looked up at the ceiling. While he laid there, he heard Arthor’s footsteps, but he didn’t bother to glance over at him. Gods, his body was aching from all the wine, but also aching for Arthor. It was so difficult for him to keep all his emotions in, and he had no idea how to handle it anymore. He needed to tell Arthor about it.

"Are you alright?"

“I want to touch you.”

Again Arthor chuckled, but then Elias felt his hand touching his arm which made him smile again. He moved to nearly curl up next to him as he looked up at him with his gaze filled with admiration, “I love this.”

Elias moved his hand to rest against Arthor’s knee, stroking his fingers against him while his gaze stayed on Arthor. Everything about this felt so fucking right, and Elias couldn’t get enough of it. Even when Arthor was laughing, Elias didn’t mind because all he wanted to do was touch him. Was that so wrong?

"You're going to regret drinking this much tomorrow."

“As long as I’m with you, it’s okay,” Elias mumbled as Arthor stroked his hair.

"I have work tomorrow."

“And I want you to stay with me so we can lay here together.”

"I don't think I can do that."

That made Elias pout again because he wanted to be with Arthor all the time. Though he knew that was quite impossible, his drunken mind thought that it would be possible. They would just hide from everyone while they stayed with each other. It sounded so blissful. Elias would have loved to do that. He could already imagine them wake up in each other’s arms, kissing and touching each other. That made his pout fade as he smiled once again.

“But I want you.”

"Well, I'm yours until the morning,” Arthor chuckled.

“I wish you were mine.”

It was true that Elias wished that Arthor was his. It was so easy for him to imagine that, but Arthor only chuckled again. If he hadn’t been as drunk as he was, then he would have picked up on that, and perhaps stopped, but Elias only moved to lay closer against Arthor as he kept stroking his hand against him. Gods, he wanted him so fucking badly, and he hoped that Arthor wouldn’t mind that. Couldn’t he see how good they would be together? Perhaps it was still his drunken mind thinking those things, but he had thought about that while sober as well.

“I want to be yours,” Elias mumbled.

“Elias.”

“Sounds so nice when you say my name,” Elias chuckled.

Arthor chuckled, and Elias felt him messing with his hair, but instead of caring about his hair, he sighed deeply at the sensation. Elias squeezed onto his knee before stroking his hand up his thigh. All he wanted was to touch Arthor, make him see how much Elias wanted him. Fuck, Elias was a mess, but with how clouded his mind was right now, he wasn’t able to realise that while he looked at Arthor with a smile.

"Don't get any ideas,” Arthor chuckled.

“I just want to touch you.”

"That's fine."

Once Arthor laid down on the bed, Elias was quick to move so he could lay next to him, pressing against his body with his arm now wrapped around his waist while his leg laid draped over his hips. Perhaps he was too needy, but Elias didn’t care about that. Hopefully Arthor didn’t care either, because Elias wasn’t sure if he would be able to stop because of how addicted he was to Arthor.

“I can’t get enough of you.”

 

[desti]

Gods, Elias was so drunk. It was amusing and sweet in a way, though Arthor felt the need to care for him and not let Elias embarrass himself too much. He’d looked past what Elias had said about wanting to be his, because Arthor brushed it off as him just being too sentimental while drunk. Arthor thought that was better than to truly acknowledge what Elias had said and what he might’ve meant.

It felt nice to lay with Elias like this, even if he was a little clingy at the moment. Arthor knew he wasn’t one to judge, though. Instead, he just laughed quietly at Elias’ words while he moved his arm around him and his hand to rest on his knee. Over the last few weeks with Elias, Arthor was growing more comfortable with all of this and with himself. Though he still couldn’t help but feel so unsure every now and then, but his thoughts weren’t nearly as bad as they had been in the beginning.

Elias pressed closer against him while his hand stroked against Arthor’s side. It felt nice, it really did and Arthor relaxed because of his touch. He would’ve liked to sleep, but if Elias would keep talking then that would be very much impossible. Sometimes his friend really couldn’t shut up when he’d had too much wine, and that seemed to be the case tonight as well.

"You're so quiet,” Elias mumbled.

“Is that bad?”

"Yes."

“Why?”

"Because I like talking to you."

“Then talk to me.”

Now Arthor was really digging his own grave by saying that, but maybe it wouldn’t be too bad. He’d be tired as fuck the next morning either way. Elias couldn’t possibly keep him up the whole night with his drunk ramblings anyway. He’d probably pass out in the middle of one of his jokes, that wouldn’t be anything Arthor hadn’t seen before.

"I want to be yours."

Again, Elias said that and Arthor didn’t think he could really ignore it this time. He couldn’t stay quiet either, because Elias wasn’t exactly an idiot so he’d pick up on it, even in his current state. Arthor didn’t know if he was being honest with him right now or if it was the wine talking, but he wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about this either way.

“Mine?”

“Yes.”

“You’re so drunk,” Arthor chuckled.

“I mean it.”

It had been something that had crossed Arthor’s mind a few times, alright, more than just a few times. He couldn’t help but admit that he was interested in Elias in ways that he shouldn’t be. It was stupid, but Arthor did want Elias. He wasn’t sure how long that had been so or if it had perhaps always been like that, he’d only not known it then. They were good together, it was hard to deny that. Maybe Elias didn’t mean any of it, though.

“It’s the wine talking,” Arthor said, squeezing Elias’ knee gently.

"No, I have thought about it ever since I came back from the war."

“Elias…”

Obviously, Elias found it easier to think such things and admit to them. Arthor struggled to do that, though he was slowly allowing himself to step out of his comfort zone for Elias. It was hard for him to accept this because of obvious reasons, but Arthor wanted this. Being with Elias was the only thing that was making him happy right now. Would it truly be so wrong?

"It's true."

“Is it?” Arthor chuckled.

“Yes.”

Maybe Elias wouldn’t remember what Arthor would tell him tonight. That wouldn’t be too surprising, considering how drunk he was. Maybe Arthor could be honest with him then. It almost sounded nice to get it off his chest, because obviously he couldn’t tell anyone else other than Elias. If Elias would remember, then Arthor didn’t know if that’d be good, but he did know that Elias wouldn’t judge him.

“I’ve thought about it, too,” Arthor said, hesitantly, while he stared up at the ceiling.

"You have?"

Elias raised his head up and Arthor felt his eyes on him, and suddenly it was a lot harder to speak. Maybe he’d hoped that Elias wouldn’t have heard what he’d said. Arthor really was stupid and he wished that he could be more like Elias, but he couldn’t really help but be a little ashamed still of what he wanted.

“Yes.”

"I can't stop thinking about you, Arthor."

That was nice to hear, even through Arthor’s embarrassment about his own feelings. He was trying to listen to what Elias had said about this and try to convince himself that it wasn’t wrong, right now it was getting hard though. That was so stupid, though, and Arthor realised that, so he tried to not let those thoughts get to him. This was fine, it made them happy and wasn’t hurting anyone. Elias didn’t seem to mind his silence, because he just kept stroking his fingers against his skin and watching him.

“I want you to be mine,” Arthor mumbled, trying to get over his fears by looking at Elias.

"Let me be yours."

Elias’ hand stroked up from his chest to rest on his cheek instead. His touch felt so nice, but Arthor couldn’t get over the fact that maybe he wasn’t being true with him. It could just be the wine. Elias always said stupid things when he was drunk. Maybe Arthor was just embarrassing himself right now, even though he knew that Elias wouldn’t think badly of him because of this.

“You’re drunk, Elias,” Arthor chuckled and looked away from him again.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

It had to be a dream. Elias couldn’t believe the words Arthor was saying. Had he been thinking about it as well? Then when Arthor confessed that he wanted Elias to be his, he wasn’t sure how to react. This was all he wanted. For the past few weeks, this was all he had dreamt about. That was all it had been though, silly thoughts that Elias expected would never become a reality. Now with the wine in his blood to make him bolder, Arthor had confessed to him, and that made Elias incredibly happy. Hadn’t his body felt so heavy, he would have kissed Arthor.

With his hand on Arthor’s cheek, he couldn’t tear his gaze away from him. Elias felt drowsy and like his vision was slowly becoming more and more blurry, but he didn’t want to sleep just yet. When Arthor told him that he was drunk again, Elias wanted to slap him because even though he was very aware of how drunk he was now, the words he was saying were true. There was no doubt about that. They had lingered on his mind for so long, but it was only now when he was drunk that he dared to tell Arthor about it. Couldn’t he understand that?

“Let me be yours, Arthor,” Elias said, gathering enough strength to make Arthor look at him with the hand on his cheek.

Their gaze met and Arthor moved his hand to Elias’ wrist. They could be together. No one had to know about it. Suddenly all his sober thoughts came rushing into his mind, and Elias felt overwhelmed by it. The wine was making him feel dizzy, but the seriousness of the conversation was somewhat keeping him energised enough not to fall asleep. He wasn’t sure if he would remember this in the morning since he was already forgetting what had happened an hour ago. Either way, he knew this was what he wanted.

“I’m being honest even if I’m drunk.”

Was Arthor nervous? Elias wasn’t sure, but Arthor kept nodding a little at his words without saying anything himself. That made him believe that he was nervous, but he had no idea how to fix that now with his mind so fucking hazy. All Elias could do was stroke his thumb against his cheek as he kept his gaze on him. The sensation of Arthor stroking his fingers gently against his wrist felt so fucking good. It was comforting and made Elias smile slightly as he moved his other hand to his shoulder, making him lay on his stomach.

It was slightly unexpected when Arthor kissed him. Elias felt his facial hair tickling more than usual against his face, likely due to how sensitive the wine was making him. It made him chuckle into the kiss, which was rather clumsy since he could barely keep up with Arthor. The kiss became soft because of Arthor though, and Elias tried to keep himself calm once Arthor cupped his cheek. This was something he could get used to doing every day. It was exhausting right now, but Elias still kissed him back, moving his hand from his cheek and into his hair.

When Arthor pulled away and pressed their foreheads together, Elias knew that he was in love with him. It was pathetic because not only was it wrong in the eyes of the Gods and others, but they could never be anything more than lovers in secret. Elias didn’t really mind it because he liked the idea of him Arthor’s so much. How had he even fallen in love and when? He wasn’t sure, but it didn’t matter.

“I want you,” Elias mumbled.

"I want you, too,” Arthor said, moving his hand from Elias’ cheek to the back of his neck.

“I want this so fucking much, Arthor.”

"What if someone finds out?"

“No one is going to find out. Everyone knows we’re good friends,” Elias mumbled.

Maybe Arthor didn’t believe him because of the way he was looking at him right now, but Elias was almost too certain that no one would find out. They had been touching and flirting with each other for many years now, and not once had a person raised an eyebrow at them. If they had been suspicious, they would have done something about that already. He thought that all of them just believe that they were extremely good friends, and sometimes too drunk. That was all. It wouldn’t be any different now.

“Arthor, no one is going to find out. Then they would have found out already.”

"You're right,” Arthor nodded.

“Don’t worry about that.”

Again Arthor nodded, and Elias smiled reassuringly at him before laying his head down against his shoulder. There was nothing to worry about, but perhaps Elias wasn’t worried because he’d had so much wine. Either way, those thoughts left his mind once Arthor began stroking his hair and holding him close to his body. It felt so comforting, and Elias wished that they could do this more often, though they hadn't confirmed that they belonged to each other. They both wanted it, but Arthor still seemed nervous.

“I hope we can do this more often, Arthor.”

There was no reply, and Elias finally got the hint that perhaps Arthor just wanted him to be quiet. If he needed time, Elias would give him that even if he was feeling quite needy and desperate right now. Even with the fact that he was incredibly drunk, he gained some control over himself as he laid there, looking at the wall in Arthor’s room while his fingers stroked against Arthor’s chest.

 

[desti]

As usual, Elias managed to calm his thoughts a little. He was right - they’d been doing this for years, if someone would’ve wanted to, they would’ve caught them already. In a way, Arthor thought that this was probably a lot less risky than the relationship he’d had with Leanah. Gods, he was still so worried though. He’d been worried then, too. Just as he wanted it then, Arthor wanted this now.

It sounded good, it really did. Elias made him happy and this was just the next step to what they’ve already been doing for awhile. He was interested in him, obviously they were more than friends by this point. Arthor wanted it and he wanted to stop being so immature and just accept that. He wanted to be with Elias and Elias wanted to be with him. It was simple, really, and Arthor had to get used to it.

Kissing Elias helped, so Arthor moved his hand to Elias’ chin to lift his head up and lean in to kiss him again. It distracted him, it made him feel good and made him want this truly, without worrying about it constantly. Elias was kissing him back a little clumsily, but Arthor didn’t mind. His hand was stroking against Arthor’s chest and everything felt so right at that moment.

“You’re struggling a little,” Arthor mumbled and chuckled a little as he pulled away slightly.

“I’m drunk.”

“I know, so I’ll forgive you this time.”

“Thank you.”

Maybe they didn’t have to talk about this any longer. They could just reach a silent, mutual agreement like they always had. Arthor would’ve liked that. Instead of saying anything else and bringing the topic back up, Arthor leant back in to kiss him again. Elias kissed him and tried to keep up, and, apart from being slightly amusing, it just seemed kind of sweet in a way.

Arthor wanted to feel Elias closer to him, though, so he moved his arms around him to pull him to lay on top of him. Elias straddled his hips and Arthor, stroked his hands over his back gently. When Elias put all his weight on top of Arthor, it made him grunt and chuckle a little. He didn’t really mind, but it did surprise him a little. Now it was Arthor’s turn to struggle with keeping up with Elias while he kissed him.

"And now you're struggling."

“Because I’m pretty sure you just cracked my rib,” Arthor mumbled and laughed

"Who cares."

“Good point,” he shrugged and squeezed his arms around Elias. .

Now that Arthor was getting used to the weight on top of him, he found it a little easier to keep up with the kiss. The only thing making it a little sloppy now was Arthor’s laughs every now and then. It only became worse when they both laughed, and that whole kissing thing was slowly not working all that well anymore. Arthor didn’t really mind, because he felt happy and he forgot his worries for a moment.

Eventually, Arthor stopped attempting and pulled away from Elias’ lips, pushing his head back against his pillow. Elias moved slightly off of him, though half of him was still resting on Arthor’s body. He didn’t really mind. Arthor moved his hand to stroke Elias’ hair as he looked over at him. He was obviously attracted to him, Arthor couldn’t really deny that to himself anymore.

"Am I yours now?"

Arthor chuckled a little and shrugged, leaning down to Elias to kiss him so that he wouldn’t have to answer that question just yet. They kissed again for a while before Arthor pulled away again, watching Elias while he moved his hand from his hair to cup his cheek instead. Elias gave him another quick kiss and that made Arthor laugh a little against his lips. It made Elias chuckle too while his hand stroked against Arthor’s chest.

It was all giving Arthor the courage to finally talk to Elias, even though he didn’t plan on saying much. He pulled away slightly from Elias to look at him, while stroking his fingers against his cheek. Arthor nodded his head a little, “yes.”

“Good.”

Though Arthor was still worried, Elias looked so happy that it just made him feel the same way too. Maybe it was just the wine, but right now Arthor didn’t really care. It felt right, and it felt good to think about how Elias was his and he was Elias’. Maybe it was stupid and undoubtedly it was wrong, but Arthor couldn’t find it in him to really feel bothered by it right now.

“Good,” Arthor repeated.

Elias kissed him then again and Arthor didn’t hesitate to kiss him back. He moved them slightly so that he was half laying on top of Elias with his leg over his hips. Elias was stroking his back and his hair, while Arthor leant against one of his elbows placed by Elias’ head, his other hand pressing against his chest. When Arthor pulled away, Elias cupped his cheek, so he ended up bringing his hand from his chest to Elias’ cheek to mimic him. Elias was smiling at him stupidly and Arthor couldn’t help but laugh at him a little.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

They were lovers now. Elias almost didn’t want to believe it from how happy that made him. Now he scolded himself for getting as drunk as he had. All he wanted was to kiss Arthor, and he could barely do that because of how heavy he felt. They could do whatever they wanted in the morning, though. That thought somewhat calmed Elias down since he wanted to give Arthor so much of his affection. He wondered what it would be like now that they had agreed to be lovers. Would they kiss more often? Would Elias sleep in his bed every night?

Since Elias knew they would have to be a little cautious, he thought that sleeping with Arthor every night wouldn’t be such a good idea. It was rather tempting, but once he would sleep off the wine, he would be more responsible. That had never really been their thing whenever they were drunk together, so Elias knew that in the morning he would be thankful that Arthor wasn’t drunk as well. Then they would have ended up doing something stupid now.

At least they both were seemingly happy as they laid there together. Elias couldn’t stop smiling, and Arthor was laughing at him. While he couldn’t stop stroking his thumb against Arthor’s cheek, there were so many thoughts rushing through his mind. Also, a lot of questions that he wanted to ask Arthor, but didn’t know how. Elias wanted to let them get used to the idea of being together first. The questions could wait for another day. Then they could discuss their relationship, what it meant and what it would be like.

Though Elias would have liked to lean up to kiss Arthor again, he knew since he barely had the strength to keep cupping his cheek that it would be even harder to lean up then. All he could do was stroke his hand into Arthor hair, tangle his fingers with the strands as he combed through it.

“What?” Arthor asked, and then Elias looked confused as he didn’t understand what Arthor was asking about.

“What do you mean what?”

"You're staring at me,” Arthor chuckled.

“You’re handsome,” Elias mumbled.

Arthor shrugged, “true.”

“Exactly.”

It was often difficult for Elias to tear his gaze away from Arthor because of how attracted he was to him. Neither was it something he tried to hide around him. Especially now that he was drunk, then he didn’t mind telling Arthor about how pretty he was. There was nothing wrong about that, though now Elias wanted to tell Arthor that all the time, and perhaps that would become a little too much. He couldn’t help it. He craved Arthor’s attention just like he craved to give him all his attention in all the ways he could.

Arthor chuckled, leaning forward to kiss him and Elias didn’t hesitate to kiss him back. As he slowly regained some of his strength, Elias pulled lightly at Arthor’s hair, sighing into the kiss. Too soon did Arthor pull away from the kiss and that made Elias groan as he wanted more, but Arthor already laid down beside him, out of his reach to kiss him again. Instead of forcing Arthor to do anything, Elias stroked his hair, soothingly as he kept his gaze on him. Gods, he was so fucking beautiful, and Elias felt lucky to call him his now.

While they laid there, Arthor took Elias’ other hand, and at that, Elias shifted his gaze towards their hands. He thought everything felt different now, and he smiled again as he laced their fingers together. Arthor rubbed his thumb against his skin, and Elias couldn’t begin to describe the feeling that rushed through him at that sensation. Why did everything feel so fucking perfect?

“Do you want to sleep?” Elias asked him, looking at Arthor again.

"I can stay up with you a while longer, if you want."

“I don’t mind,” Elias chuckled, stroking his thumb over his hand now.

There was no point in trying to hide the fact that Elias felt tired. The wine was making him feel drowsy after all, but he wouldn’t mind if they stayed up for a while longer only to hold each other and enjoy this moment together. Arthor chuckled, squeezing his hand and Elias smiled at him before sighing deeply. Now he only hoped that everything would be good between them and that Arthor wouldn’t suddenly get strange around him again. As long as he would remember this tomorrow, though he hoped he would.

Elias moved to lay on his side, facing Arthor as he let go of his hand to wrap his arm around his waist. Arthor wrapped his arm around him as well, pulling Elias closer to him as his hand stroked over his shoulder and back. His touch felt so nice, and Elias closed his eyes as he tangled their legs together. Tomorrow he would wake up with a pounding headache, and he wasn’t sure if he would be able to leave Arthor’s bed, but it didn’t matter right now. He didn’t want to think about that. He only wanted to think about Arthor.

"I have to work early tomorrow. I'll try not to wake you up,” Arthor said as he stroked his hand against Elias’ arm.

“Thank you,” Elias mumbled.

"You can stay here all day, if you want."

“I’d like that a lot.”

"So you'll be here when I come back from work?"

“Yes. I’ll stay here for however long you want me to stay.”

Arthor chuckled, making Elias smile as Arthor squeezed his arms around him. That made Elias move closer to him if that was even possible from how his chest was pressed up against his. Now he was almost excited for the morning, forgetting about how awful his hangover would be. As long as he would have Arthor there with him whenever he came back from work, Elias would be happy. Elias nuzzled his face closer to Arthor then, pressing his nose against his neck as he let out a slight sigh.

 

[desti]

Feelings.
Chapter CXXI
House Hastwyck
Sow knowledge, reap wisdom.
Santrella, Southern lands of Aedighar
​

Things were alright. They weren’t great, but they were alright. Arthor still found himself getting lost in his own thoughts too often. They were mostly about Leanah and the child, obviously. He didn’t think of Leanah in that way anymore, though, and that was good. That selfish need to have her as his was gone now and thank the Gods for that. More and more Arthor thought about what their relationship had been and how genuine it had been from his side.

The more he thought about it, the more upset Arthor grew, though. He felt guilty about everything that he had ruined, all the ways that he’d made Leanah’s life worse. Sometimes Arthor just wanted to drink himself into unconsciousness or perhaps go to an inn and pick a fight with the wrong man that would bash his head in against a wall. Gods, he really was the biggest bastard of them all.

It felt stupid that Arthor couldn’t find it in himself to really, genuinely feel happy. He felt pathetic that he didn’t feel as happy as he could’ve when things between him and Leanah, as well as between him and Elias, were going rather good. Arthor tried to play his part whenever he was with them, but once they left he just couldn’t stop the guilt from rushing over him. Would it ever stop? Gods, Arthor thought it would only get worse when the bastard would come into this world.

The only thing that was making him somewhat glad was the fact that Leanah seemed truly happy with her life right now. It almost made Arthor feel like he hadn’t ruined her with his stupidity and selfishness. Only for a while, though, until his mind told him that it wouldn’t last. Fuck, Arthor really hated himself for everything he’d done to her. If he could change what had happened on Timos’ nameday so many moons ago, he would do so in an instant.

Arthor’s promise not to drink so much wasn’t working out that well either. Too often he found himself trying to cope with his sorrows and guilt with the only way he truly knew. Elias had said that it wasn’t a good way to deal with things and Arthor realised that, but he kept falling back into it. It was too easy to do that, even if the relief that came from it was short-lived and in the end just made Arthor feel worse.

Had working always been so tiring? Whenever Arthor came back from his day, his whole body just felt ten times heavier and all he wanted to do was sleep. Maybe Arthor was just getting old. Either way, this evening was the same as well. Arthor hoped to see Elias waiting for him, but his room was disappointingly empty when he entered. Just as Arthor got his work clothes off, there was a knock on his door.

Arthor opened the door and a smile grew on his face when he saw her happy face in front of him, “Lady Leanah.”

There wasn’t much time for him to say anything else, because Leanah hugged him tightly whilst saying his name. Arthor wrapped his arms around her, stroking his hand over her hair as they stood there. Soon enough, Leanah pulled away from him, smiling up at him, "do you want to spend some time together?"

“Sure,” Arthor smiled and took a step back so that Leanah could come inside.

Once Leanah stepped inside, Arthor closed the door behind her. It didn’t feel too uncomfortable to be alone with her here, and Arthor hoped that Leanah didn’t feel weird about it either. The guilt sparked up inside of him, but Arthor did his best to push it away now. Leanah seemed so happy again and Arthor didn’t want to ruin that too.

“Did you have a good day?”

“Yes. Did you?”

All of Arthor’s days were slowly becoming a blur because of how mostly montone they all were. He wouldn’t be able to tell anyone if a memory he had had happened yesterday or a week ago. Not that it mattered, anyways. “It was alright, nothing special,” Arthor shrugged, walking deeper into the room, eventually ending up leaning against his table as he watched her.

"How are you feeling?"

“I’m good,” Arthor said before continuing, “you’re so happy. I like that.”

"Of course I'm happy. I hope you're happy as well."

At that, Arthor only nodded and smiled at her. She was so kind and he deserved none of it. Right now, it was easier to ignore that part of him though. Now Arthor could just try to focus on how happy Leanah seemed and how he wanted her to stay that way. Maybe he’d been quiet for too long, because it seemed like Leanah was doubting his words. Not that Arthor had ever been good at lying, but he wanted to think that he had been getting better lately.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, Leanah.”

"You know you can talk to me."

“I know, Leanah. I’m alright, I promise,” Arthor said and smiled.

"If you say so."

Leanah’s mood seemed to fall slightly and Arthor didn’t like that. He stepped towards her and sighed, looking down at her, “hey… don’t worry about me, alright?”

"But I do."

“I’m telling you everything’s fine, though. Trust me,” Arthor said and reached down to gently take her hand in his to reassure her, “how about we talk about you and what’s gotten you so happy, instead?”

"I'm happy because of my husband. We're in love."

It seemed a little too soon for words like that, but Arthor would try not to judge her. Perhaps they truly were in love. If that was so, then Arthor would be happy for them. Leanah deserved a husband that loved her and it was good to see how happy Adian was making her.

“That’s good. I’m happy for you, Leanah.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Spending every day with Adian was pleasant. Leanah couldn’t seem to get her thoughts away from how lovely waking up with him that morning had been. Sweet, delicate kisses and kind words were shared, and whenever they were apart from each other, she found herself daydreaming, longing for her bed and Adian laying next to her with his hands roaming over her body. He was making her life seem perfect. Not once did she find anything to complain about, and Leanah was glad that she had finally found her happiness in life.

No matter how much Leanah wanted to spend every second of her life with Adian, there was someone else who was also important to her. Arthor was still her friend, her best friend. They had been through a lot over the past few months, but Leanah was determined to make their friendship work. One day she wanted to walk through the gardens with him while they gossiped about nobles. They could ride out into the desert again, perhaps Arthor would be interested in trying to teach her how to fight again. Leanah thought that would be fun.

Though Leanah doubted that was a good idea considering the child in her belly. She didn’t want it to get hurt. In the end, all she wanted was to fix the problems that they had. From how happy Adian had made her, Leanah believed it was entirely possible for Arthor and her to be good friends. They seemed to be on good terms with each other, but she knew they weren’t where they had used to be yet. She knew it would take time to get over what had happened between them, but in an attempt to make it better, Leanah had gone to him that day instead of Adian.

Leanah worried that Arthor wasn’t doing too good. There were many things that could have gone wrong. He could have ended up hanging for what he had done to her, and Adian could have ended up hating her for the rest of his life. Though, none of it had happened. Adian was in love with her and Leanah thought that their marriage was doing a lot better now. They had both worried that they had managed to ruin each other’s lives, but they hadn’t. Arthor was still breathing, and Leanah was feeling happy with herself and her life.

“Thank you,” Leanah said as Arthor seemed to be genuine with his words.

Now Leanah wasn’t quite sure what to say anymore. That was the thing she hated about what their friendship had become after their endless mistakes. Sometimes it was uncomfortable, but Arthor squeezed her hand, and that touch was comforting. She stayed silent, wondering if she should have even come to him as she let go of his hand. Soon after she walked towards the chair, hoping he wouldn’t mind as she sat down in it. While her gaze stayed on the floor, she heard his footsteps approach, seeing his legs as he leaned against the table.

“I miss when we were both happy. When we are actually friends, and not whatever this is that we’re trying to pretend is working,” she mumbled.

"I miss it, too."

The happiness that had made Leanah go to him was gone. She felt empty as she looked up at him only to find him not looking at her. They were fools for thinking their friendship could survive everything they had been through. Leanah had tried so hard to make it work, and she thought it was going to. Now she wasn’t so sure anymore. With a sigh, she raised her hand to her face to rub her fingers against her cheeks. She was so emotional that there were already tears prickling in her eyes as she looked away from Arthor again.

“I hoped it would work.”

"It will."

“Are you sure?” Leanah asked, trying to meet his gaze.

"Yes, Leanah, I'm sure,” he said as he looked at her.

“I want us to be friends. I want you to be around when this child is born. Perhaps it is foolish, but I don’t want to take away your chance to get to know this child.”

Leanah thought it would only be cruel of her to push Arthor away from her because of the child. Though they would all have to pretend it belonged to Adian, she wanted to give Arthor the opportunity to spend time with the child. Since he was the father, it was fair, even if it was perhaps very foolish of her to think that. Arthor deserved a chance to prove himself worthy of their company though.

"Is that wise?"

“If you don’t want to or think it is unwise, you don’t have to see the child, Arthor.”

"I want to."

“Then I would like to give you time with the child, with us. You, me and my child.”

Arthor nodded at her words, and Leanah was glad that he wanted it. She had no way of knowing if it would be unwise or if it would potentially make it harder for them to remain friends, but she wanted to give him a chance. There was nothing wrong with that, and she hoped Adian wouldn’t mind. Adian would act as the father of her child, but she thought it would be good for Arthor to spend some time with the child as well. In the end, it was their child even if they had to pretend otherwise. Leanah reached for his hand then, taking it in hers.

“I want us to be good friends. I want this to work, Arthor.”