Fantasy Aedighar [closed]

[scoorpiuuss]

With the snow beneath them to cushion any fall, Elias started gaining a little confidence with each swing of his sword. Something he appreciated was the patience Darron seemingly had. He felt safer then, maybe safer than he should have felt as he had already ended up against the snow once, but genuinely, Elias was having fun.

Though they didn’t exchange many words with each other, he learned through trying. Darron was letting Elias try. He was able to swing his sword around, and no matter how pathetic he looked, Darron was letting him get used to the movements. That was another thing Elias appreciated, and it made him feel more comfortable rather than worrying about how he looked. Even when he struggled, Elias felt like he was doing good enough.

Throughout his life, Elias had thought he would have never been able to any good with a sword. Now Darron was somehow proving him wrong in a way that Elias hadn’t expected. If anything all Elias had expected was to be made fun of and give up. Instead he felt motivated to try, and that confidence he got from that felt good. Perhaps that was what he had been missing. Sure, Elias still felt pathetic, but at least he somehow felt good about himself still. It was a rather good mix of feeling foolish and confident, and that meant he was on the right path, didn’t it?

Elias began to stumble a little bit when Darron began to swing at him at a faster pace. Then he tried to remember to focus and not let himself get too distracted by the sounds and his surroundings. He used the sword to block off Darron’s sword, keeping his gaze on him in an attempt to predict his movements. That worked well for Elias until his shoulder started aching, and his attempts to defend himself grew weak, but he didn’t want to give up.

It was getting tougher and tougher as Darron kept going, but Elias didn’t want to stop now. He kept defending himself, moving backwards or to the side, but in turn that made his knees begin to ache as well. Gods, he truly had to start training more, and he hoped that Darron would be open to perhaps do this again some other time. Elias knew he needed it and somehow he wanted to make Antra proud, and Arthor whenever he’d see him again.

“Fuck,” Elias cursed once Darron’s hit didn’t stop moving faster, and caused Elias to let his sword slip out of his hands.

His gaze landed on the sword until he felt something pushing against his chest, and Elias looked back up at Darron who had the tip of his sword aimed at him. Then Elias swallowed thickly, looking at Darron with wide eyes as he clearly understood that in another situation he would have been dead now. He responded by taking a step backwards and away from Darron and his sword. Darron looked so intimidating.

"I got carried away."

“Keep going. I don’t mind, as long as you don’t actually kill me,” he chuckled.

"I'll try not to."

It didn’t sound much like a joke to Elias, but he figured that Darron didn’t mean that. Obviously he didn’t. Elias hadn’t done anything for him to deserve that. As Darron handed Elias the sword, he took it, taking another step back as he raised it again. This time he was the first one to swing it towards Darron, trying to remember what Darron had just done in an attempt to learn the movements of fighting.

Gods, his balance felt terrible, and he knew with one wrong step he could have tumbled and fallen back into the snow again. Though Elias tried, keeping his movements light and not clenching too hard around the sword to avoid using too much pressure now that he felt how exhausting this was. Now he had to remember to praise Arthor when arriving back in Santrella as now he understood how difficult it was to fight.

Elias figured it was likely due to how long he had been stuck in a bed after being hurt that caused him to tire so easily. At least that was the excuse he told himself as he already felt how difficult it became to breathe. He didn’t stop though. He kept swinging his sword towards Darron, each attack getting blocked by his sword. No matter how exhausting it was, it was fun, and it made Elias chuckle slightly as he moved around trying to hit him.

Perhaps Elias had let himself get a little too distracted from how much fun this was as when Darron started attacking him, Elias stumbled back, losing his balance. Still he kept himself on his feet, trying to defend himself, though this time instead of using his sword he moved away from him. That seemed to be working as Darron wasn’t able to hit him, and Elias focused on doing that while using his sword only when needed.

Then Darron started hit harder towards him, and Elias lost the smile he’d had on his face as he tried his best to defend those hits with his sword. Elias moved back then until he felt something hard press against his back and now Darron stood in front of him with his arm pushed against his neck. A groan left Elias then as he leaned his head back against the tree that he was now pressed against. This wasn’t what he had expected to happen.

When Darron let him go, Elias brought his hand up to his throat. It hadn’t hurt, but he wondered why Darron had done that. Perhaps he just wanted to frighten Elias, but he didn’t fear Darron. If anything he was still just slightly intimidated by him, but he also wondered if something was wrong since he had first pushed him to the ground, then kept his sword against his chest, and how keeping him pinned to a tree.

“Are you okay?”

Instead of answering, Darron gave Elias a strange look. Then he let his mind wander, and he tried to figure out if he was just overthinking all of this. For all he knew Darron was just trying to scare him to make him understand how serious it was. Elias had no idea what came over him as he dropped his sword to push Darron away from him. In a way, he was testing Darron to see if he was truly okay. He looked so strange, perhaps angry?

 

[desti]

Admittedly, Darron kept getting carried away. His mind filled with thoughts of him actually hurting Elias, but he managed to snap out of it before he’d actually do something. It was stupid and cruel of him to want to take out his anger on him, so Darron tried not to do it. Elias seemed fine enough, Darron doubted that he deserved to be his punching bag.

When Elias asked him if he was alright, it confused Darron. He didn’t really connect the dots and just didn’t understand why Elias, who just got out of his grip, was asking him if he was alright. If anything, Darron should ask him that and make sure that he hadn’t gone too far with him. When Elias pushed him, that only made Darron even more confused about the whole thing.

Since Darron was never one to quite back down, he pushed Elias back. Darron thought that that would make Elias stop whatever he was doing, but instead the man pushed him again. With a frown, Darron grabbed onto the collar of his shirt as he pulled him towards him, “what the fuck are you doing?”

"I could ask you the same."

“You started it.”

"You're the one pushing me against a tree with your arm against my throat."

“It’s called fighting,” Darron frowned as he let go of his collar and pushed Elias away from him.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?"

Darron watched as Elias picked his sword up from the ground, “why wouldn’t I be?”

"I don't know."

Out of frustration, Darron hit his sword against Elias’, knocking it out of his hands again. He didn’t like Elias doubting him, it made him feel angrier than he would’ve liked. In a way, it almost felt like Elias could see right through him and read what was in his mind and that made Darron uncomfortable. Had he truly been that obvious that he held an unreasonable grudge towards Elias?

“Are we done here?”

"I don't mind."

“We probably shouldn’t do this again.”

“Why not?”

That made Darron feel bad again. Elias obviously wanted to learn and he needed consistency in order to do that. It seemed like he had actually enjoyed himself while fighting and gained some confidence, but now Darron was going to erase all of that because Elias was making him feel weird, even if Darron couldn’t quite explain why.

“I don’t know,” Darron mumbled as he leant down to grab the sword he’d hit out of Elias’ grip.

"I'd like to, but if you don't want to then I understand."

“I’m sorry. I can’t. Find someone else.”

"It's okay, Sir Darron. I had fun, but I'm sorry if you didn't."

It wasn’t fair for Darron to say all of this, and it made him feel guilty. Elias didn’t deserve that and Darron wanted to explain himself, but at the same time that wasn’t a great idea and he realised that. He figured that Rhea was making him so upset because Elias being here just constantly reminded him of her. That was stupid, and yet Darron couldn’t help it.

“It’s not your fault.”

"What?"

Darron rolled his eyes that he had to repeat himself, “it’s not your fault.”

"Who's fault is it then?"

Accidentally, Darron chuckled at that, “mine, I suppose.”

"I don't understand."

“It’s better that you don’t.”

"Do you want to talk about it?"

The only person that had heard any of it was Aryana, and Darron figured that she hadn’t told anyone about it. He wasn’t sure if he cared. Really, he could’ve told Elias, but Darron imagined that he would just ask more questions that he couldn’t be bothered to answer. It all would most likely just make him feel shittier about the whole thing, though perhaps that was just an excuse.

“I don’t know you, you don’t know me. It doesn’t matter.”

"Okay, but we could change that."

Was Elias offering him friendship? Darron wanted to laugh at that, because he remembered envisioning beating Elias to a pulp. That wasn’t exactly a great friend to have. Darron couldn’t do that, he just couldn’t. He didn’t need people around him, anyways. He was better off alone, that was clear to him now.

“I can’t.”

"It's okay. I understand."

Darron cleared his throat before shrugging his shoulders, “but you fought well enough. If you keep doing it, you’ll definitely get better.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Everything was confusing to Elias now. It made no sense to why Darron was so aggressive towards him all of a sudden, but perhaps he shouldn’t have pushed him as he had. He couldn’t help but wonder what had caused that aggression, and if it was him or something else that bothered Darron to the point where it seemed like they were fighting over something else than just training with each other. Elias knew better than to ask. If anything he understood even if he was confused, and he didn’t want to bother Darron as it seemed he wouldn’t like that.

There had to be something else on Darron’s mind that was causing this behaviour. Elias sensed it in the tone of his voice and from his words, but instead of trying to dig deeper as to what it was that was bothering Darron, Elias told him that he understood, and he even offered him friendship which Darron seemed to reject. That didn’t upset Elias, as he respected Darron even if they didn’t know each other.

The only thing Elias was a little frustrated about was the fact that he had enjoyed his time with Darron. Through his intimidating behaviour, Elias somehow managed to see a man he could have enjoyed the company of, but he didn’t want to push his presence upon Darron if he wouldn’t feel the same way. Maybe Elias just missed Arthor so much and the close friendship he had with him. Now he only really knew Antra, and though he wasn’t complaining about her company, he sometimes felt the need to befriend others as well.

Elias couldn’t help it. He was used to having friends, many friends. People he could speak to and drink with. Even if Arthor was his best friend, he had others in Santrella that he also missed. He enjoyed being social, but he had grown so used to the company of Antra that he hadn’t realised until now that he missed his life in Santrella very much. Something about Darron interested Elias, and he wished they could have kept training together.

“I’ll try to find someone who is willing to teach me.”

"Sorry."

“It’s okay.”

It was a shame that Darron didn’t want to continue this, but Elias wanted to avoid confronting him and avoid creating more of that uncomfortable atmosphere between them. Instead he accepted that Darron didn’t want to and it didn’t upset him. Elias just thought it was strange and he didn’t understand why Darron acted like he did. It didn’t matter though. Now Elias had to find someone else to teach him.

"Alright. I hope you find someone."

Elias chuckled, “I doubt that.”

"You'll find someone if you try."

“Maybe, but thank you, Sir Darron.”

Elias looked away from Darron then, leaving the swords with him as he turned towards the camp. He felt good about what he had accomplished, and more confident with himself. It had been nice to have Darron motivate him like he had, and Elias doubted he would find someone who would be like him. Others would likely go too hard too fast, and Elias would end up on the ground. Darron had been somewhat patient, and Elias appreciated that.

"You're welcome."

For a moment Elias looked back at Darron who had a slightly forced smile on his face, and Elias smiled back at him in return before he started walking away from him. It only felt weird having to wait for him or walk back to camp with Darron when they weren’t friends and when Darron had rejected Elias’ offer of becoming friends. Therefore he walked towards the camp alone, figuring that would be for the better.

As he walked away, Elias felt like he had learned something which he was proud of. He tried to remember what Darron had indirectly shown him when it came to fighting. Now he just had to remember that if he were to find someone else who would help him. Though Elias doubted he’d even try. Darron had been fun to learn from, and he felt as if Darron had respected him enough to know his boundaries without saying them.

At least that had been the case until Elias had been pushed up against a tree. That had made him feel somewhat uncomfortable, but Elias hadn’t minded the rest of the things they had done. Now though he found himself so curious as to who Darron was. Elias figured he’d never find that out as Darron was such a closed person. That reminded him a little of Arthor who seemed to have that habit as well sometimes.

Though with Arthor things were different. They had a mutual understanding when it came to confrontations. Neither of them seemed to like them, and therefore they stayed away from them. Elias preferred it that way, but at certain times he felt the need to ask. That was what had happened with Darron, and it seemed like he had gone too far with doing that. There was nothing Elias could do about that now though.

Elias found himself walking towards his own tent then. He would visit Antra later, closer to the evening as he didn’t want to bother her no in case she was busy. Also it sounded nice to lay down as he felt how his whole body was aching. Some wine wouldn’t hurt either. Gods, he wished Arthor was there now. He wondered how he was doing in Santrella, but Elias was too exhausted to even think about writing him a letter.

 

[desti]

Comfort.
Chapter LXXXVI
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar
​

It was silly how happy Antra felt. Though so many horrible things had happened, she had found love during war and that made her so joyful she almost felt guilty. It made getting through her days easier and not think about mother, father or Rhea, or anything other bad memories she had. Now Antra hoped that they were just happy that she was in love, even if it wasn’t right.

Her mind would always go to Elias, it was like Antra couldn’t stop thinking about him. How could she? He was so perfect in every way. Antra had such a big urge to tell everyone, but she held herself together and tried not to do anything stupid. She could tell Aryana, though, which she had done the next day. Antra didn’t feel embarrassed to do it, but she still had giggled her way through her words as it still seemed so strange in a way.

Obviously Antra didn’t forget about Aryana. She now had Elias who took up a few hours of her day, but that was usually in the evenings, so her day would be spent with her friend. It was important for Antra to still be with Aryana as much as she could, because she loved the girl and thought of her so very fondly. When Aryana didn’t show up for dinner one night, Antra didn’t have to waste much time to notice her absence.

At first, Antra just figured she was late. She ate and waited, moving her eyes across the tent, looking at all the Lords present. Brynden looked a bit strange, which she had noticed when she came into the tent, but he had just told her that he hadn’t slept well. Antra didn’t quite believe him, but she wouldn’t push it. At least not right now. Probably later, though.

When dinner was almost over and Aryana still hadn’t shown up, Antra began to worry. Maybe she was sick? She hadn’t seen her all day and now Antra regretted not looking for her earlier. Obviously she had to go find her now, and her first place to look would be her tent. Where else could she be? Antra said goodbye to everyone before disappearing from the tent and heading off to Aryana’s tent, forgetting about everything else.

When Antra walked into Aryana’s tent, she was happy to see her there. When she greeted her with a smile, Aryana raised her head from her pillow and said her name. Antra’s smile dwindled a little, because Aryana didn’t exactly sound well to her. She didn’t look too good either. Maybe she really was sick.

“You didn’t come to dinner. I was worried about you,” Antra said as she walked deeper into the tent and eventually sat down on the edge of Aryana’s bed, “are you not well?”

Aryana shook her head at that, and Antra reached out to stroke her hair a little. Her smile was off her face now, replaced with a worried frown as she thought about what to do. If Aryana didn’t feel well, then perhaps Antra should bring her something or maybe just leave her alone. She wasn’t sure what she needed, so she figured she’d better ask at some point before doing something wrong.

“Are you sick?”

“No,” Aryana said with a smile, though it didn’t really seem genuine.

“What’s wrong then?”

“Brynden.”

That made Antra confused. Now Brynden’s excuse seemed even more unbelievable to her. Something must’ve happened between them and that made Antra horribly upset. She was so looking forwards to them being happy together. Antra loved Brynden and Aryana so much, and she wanted them to be together and happy, because she thought they fit rather well together. Had she been wrong after all?

“Did he do something stupid?”

Admittedly, Brynden wasn’t great when it came to women. Antra figured he must’ve said something or done something stupid. Maybe he’d slept with a whore again, Antra wouldn’t be surprised. He was so impulsive sometimes that perhaps he’d forgotten about everything they’d talked about. Brynden was a grown man, Antra thought he would know better by now, but apparently she was wrong.

"He is not a good man, Antra."

“What did he do?”

"I thought I could trust him, but he slept with Lady Sarisa."

That made Antra hesitate and pull her hand away from Aryana’s hair as she thought about her words. Was that true? That was definitely different from Brynden sleeping with a whore. It didn’t even make sense to Antra. Why would he do such a thing? She frowned as she pulled her hands into her lap, fumbling with her fingers while she thought about Brynden. Why would he hurt Aryana like that?

“He wouldn’t do that…”

​

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Being at camp had never felt so uncomfortable. Aryana wanted to travel back home, stay in Stormwind, safe away from the war and the pain Brynden had caused her. It was difficult for her to wrap her head around what had happened. She remembered the conversation she’d had with him when she had arrived back at camp, how she had been afraid to give him a chance as she didn’t want to end up hurt. That was exactly what had happened, and now she wished she had never given Brynden a chance. Then she wouldn’t have cared.

They had been so kind towards each other for many weeks. Aryana had enjoyed the company Brynden had given her, and his presence had started to feel more comforting than making her awkward. It pained her to admit that she had enjoyed the kiss they had shared, that she had found herself admiring him and his courage. Especially now knowing how he had repaid her kindness by breaking her trust and disrespecting her.

Some would have likely thought Aryana was overreacting. She didn’t love Brynden, and neither was she in love with him. Though perhaps she could have been if they had kept seeing each other and gotten to know each other. She didn’t want to admit that either, but she knew it was true that she would have likely grown attached to Brynden had they shared more time together. He had been so kind, but now she wondered if all of that had just been pretend and he had never truly been interested in her. That upset Aryana even more.

If they were to be married, Aryana did want them to be happy. Honestly she didn’t want to be miserable and see Brynden as a horrible man to marry, but that was rather difficult when he kept disappointing her. Maybe she had too many expectations to him, but wasn’t it only fair that she didn’t want her future husband to sleep with other women? Aryana could have understood if it had been a whore as Brynden had just lost his mother, but because it had been Lady Sarisa, Aryana’s head filled with worries regarding her future.

Aryana stayed in her tent the day after Brynden had told her. It was silly how late that night she wanted to find it kind of him to tell her the truth, but she didn’t want to make excuses for herself as to why she perhaps should have given him another chance. There was no way. She didn’t want to let herself go down that path again and end up getting hurt all over again. Brynden wasn’t a man she could trust, let alone love.

It was rather difficult not to be overwhelmed by her own thoughts as she laid in her bed all day. All she could hear where the people who walked past her tent from time to time, their meaningless chatter or laughs. Then Aryana would bury her face deeper into her pillow and pull her blanket far over her head. She wanted to travel home so badly. She didn’t want to see Brynden or Lady Sarisa. She didn’t want to see anyone.

While Aryana laid there, she lost track of time, not really caring if it was nearing the evening or afternoon. She attempted to fall asleep again, but her thoughts were so loud, and there was an aching feeling in her chest that wouldn’t go away. Then she heard someone enter her tent and at first, she feared it would be Brynden, but as Aryana raised her head from her pillow, she saw Antra with a sweet smile on her face.

Gods, what would she tell her? Aryana already felt like crying when Antra spoke about how worried she had been for her. She didn’t want to blame her friend for this even though she was Brynden’s sister and it was her who had made her give him a chance. This wasn’t Antra’s fault, and if anything, Aryana needed Antra now. She felt so comforted by her company and her touch as she stroked her hair. But did she want to tell her?

Aryana knew she had to, but when she did tell Antra, she pulled away her hand and Aryana heard the doubt in Antra’s voice as she spoke. Perhaps it was hard for her to believe that her brother would do such a thing, but Aryana was becoming less and less surprised over it. Brynden hadn’t changed at all since the last time they had fought, but still, she felt so hurt by him because of everything she had done for him.

“He told me.”

"I'm sorry. I don't know why he'd do that."

“I thought he was a good man.”

It was so pathetic how Aryana felt tears stinging in her eyes. They were threatening to spill, but no matter how comfortable she felt with Antra, Aryana didn’t want to cry any more tears over Brynden. He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve her. Aryana had been so supportive of him, so damn understanding towards his situation and still, he had chosen to sleep with Lady Sarisa who had just arrived at camp.

"But he is a good man..."

“No, he isn’t.”

"He is. Brynden wouldn't do this. There has to be some explanation for this..."

Now Aryana wouldn’t let Antra change her mind about Brynden. There was no way she would ever believe he was a good man. Not after what he had done. How could there be an explanation to why he had chosen to sleep with Lady Sarisa? Aryana believed it was because he couldn’t control himself or his temptations. But she also believed it could have been because Brynden didn’t respect her or care for her like she had cared for him.

“But he did do it. After everything I did for him he chose to sleep with her.”

"He was probably upset. It was just once, right?"

“I don’t know. Either way, that isn’t a good excuse. He hurt me, Antra. I spent the night with him when he was upset. He knew I would comfort him, and still, he chose to go to Lady Sarisa.”

 

[desti]

Everything Aryana was telling her sounded like lies to Antra. She didn’t want to believe them, but it was obvious that it was the truth. How could Brynden do something so horrible, betray Aryana like that? Antra had been so sure that everything would go well for them. Gods, she’d been so excited to hear that they’d kissed. Now she almost felt guilty for all that, seeing how her brother was treating Aryana.

Obviously Antra loved Brynden with her whole heart, but right now he was frustrating her to no end. It hurt her that he was being so rude to Aryana. She knew how good he was, how caring and sweet Brynden could be, and she had wished that he would be that way to Aryana, but it seemed like Antra had been wrong about him. How could she be so wrong, though?

It was so stupid, but there had to be a reason for it. Antra imagined that it was likely because of mother’s death that made Brynden do something so foolish. It had to be, right? There couldn’t be anything else to it. It must’ve just been Brynden dealing with his sadness, as wrong as it was. That wasn’t an excuse, but at least it was something for Antra to hold onto.

“I’m sorry. That was very wrong of him to do.”

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

But it did feel like her fault, though. Perhaps if Antra hadn’t gone on and on about how good Brynden was, Aryana wouldn’t have been so hurt about this. Maybe it was stupid to think like that, but Antra couldn’t really help it as she thought about everything she had said and how, apparently, she’d been wrong about everything. Most of the blame fell on Brynden, obviously, but Antra still felt like she was at fault as well.

“I feel like I do, though.”

"It's not your fault. I don't want you to blame yourself for something Brynden did."

“I can’t help it,” Antra chuckled and then looked down again, “I really thought he would do better.”

"Perhaps he doesn't like me."

That wasn’t true, at least Antra had gotten the impression that it wasn’t. If Brynden didn’t like her, then surely he wouldn’t be so upset about hurting her, right? And he had seemed so glad when he briefly mentioned that it was going well with Aryana. Antra thought that she knew her brother well enough, but she had been wrong about him once already. Maybe she was wrong again, but she didn’t want to think like that.

“He does. I know he does.”

"I don't believe that."

“Surely if he didn’t like you then he wouldn’t be as upset about as he is.”

"It doesn't matter anymore. I don't care."

“If you didn’t care then you wouldn’t be so upset about it either.”

That made Aryana turn away from her again and now Antra felt as though she had upset her. She reached out to take her hand, squeezing it gently as she sat there by her side, “he’s an idiot for doing something like that to you. But it’s obvious that he feels horrible about it.”

"I still don't want to marry him,” Aryana said as their eyes met again.

“That’s understandable… but have you talked to him about all of this?”

"What am I supposed to say?"

Now it was Antra who turned away, shrugging her shoulders, “I don’t know... “

"And I don't think I want to talk to him again."

“How do you plan on never talking to your husband?”

"I'll speak to my father about it. Hopefully I won't have to marry him."

Gods, Antra truly felt so selfish because she didn’t want Aryana to do that. She wanted her to give Brynden another chance and marry him. Wouldn’t it be nice? Then they’d truly be family and Antra wanted that. Apparently, wanted it enough to risk Aryana’s happiness for it. Antra felt embarrassed about being to selfish, but she couldn’t help it. The thought was so nice and she’d grown used to it over the months. How could she let it go?

“Would you marry Willelm then?”

"I don't know. Maybe."

Antra figured one of her brothers would have to marry Aryana, whether she liked it or not. She was much too attached to the idea of it being Brynden, but Willelm wouldn’t be too bad. Perhaps Aryana would like him more, but Antra wasn’t sure. Either way, Antra just wanted Aryana to become part of House Rhyne. It was the most secure way to ensure that they wouldn’t drift apart over the years.

“But I know I’m right about Brynden. I don’t know why he did that, but I promise that he’s better than that. I know he is.”

"How can I forgive him?"

It was obviously a huge betrayal from Brynden’s part. Antra didn’t expect Aryana to be able to forgive him immediately, but she thought that she might be able to work it out with him over time. She had to, Antra wanted her to. Gods, she had to talk to Brynden about this. He really was stupid, but obviously he realised what he’d done was wrong. If he’d try hard enough, Aryana would have to see that he hadn’t meant to hurt her, right?

“I don’t know… do you think you could?”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Everything Antra said, Aryana wanted to believe. It would have been so easy for her to believe hadn’t it been for what Brynden had done. She could have chosen to give Brynden a chance at explaining himself, but Aryana was so certain that she wouldn’t be able to forgive him. Talking to him wouldn’t help her. If anything she believed it would only make her more upset about the whole situation, and she couldn’t handle that. It was already upsetting enough, and it was much easier to decide to avoid Brynden rather than talking to him about it.

Their conversation last night hadn’t gone well. Aryana found it almost pathetic how Brynden hadn’t been able to speak for himself, but perhaps she hadn’t let him. For all she knew he just needed time, but all that patience she had built up for him had been washed away by the pain he had caused her. She didn’t want to be patient with him which resulted in the much easier option of giving up on him. She didn’t want him anymore either.

Now it was more difficult for Aryana to think that she didn’t want him now compared to what it had been like many weeks ago. They had memories together now, good memories. No matter how tempting it was though, Aryana didn’t want to forgive Brynden. Even though Antra’s words were so convincing, she couldn’t. It wasn’t right after how Brynden had treated her. Aryana almost felt angry with him. Gods, he was pathetic.

“I don’t think so.”

Aryana knew that they would be married no matter what. Though she had told Antra she would speak to her father about it, she knew she wouldn’t. There was no point as she already knew that Brynden would be her husband one day. Not being able to forgive him could perhaps ruin their marriage, but it wasn’t her fault. It was Brynden who had hurt her. He was the one guilty of ruining their future marriage.

"Are you sure?"

“I don’t know how. He doesn’t deserve it.”

"Can't you try to fix things with him?"

“He barely said anything when we spoke last night. He’s pathetic.”

If Brynden had shown some interest in wanting to make it work then perhaps Aryana would have tried too, but it didn’t seem like either of them wanted this anymore. Gods, it made her feel so frustrated with him. How could he do something like that to her? She hadn’t done anything to deserve it, and Aryana didn’t understand it. It was so difficult for her to handle it and she feared if she’d see Brynden again, she would hurt him.

"Don't call him that."

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know what to do, Antra.”

"You should try again..."

“I need time to think about it first.”

That wasn’t entirely true. Aryana had already decided she wouldn’t forgive him, and she didn’t want to let Antra change her mind. It was too great of a risk that she could end up hurt again. She didn’t want that, and the only thing she could do about that was to make sure she wouldn’t put herself in such a vulnerable position again. After the war she could perhaps try to give Brynden a chance, but not now.

"That's alright."

Aryana had a sad smile on her face as Antra squeezed her hand, “thank you.”

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

“I’d like that.”

"Alright."

As Antra moved to lay down, Aryana moved more to the side to give her more room to lay down. Though Aryana didn’t quite agree with Antra when it came to Brynden, she was still her best friend. Antra brought her so much comfort and, Aryana appreciated her so much. Especially now that they laid there and Aryana moved her blanket to let Antra come under it to lay closer to her. Antra wrapped her arms around her then, and Gods, Aryana was truly so thankful for having her at camp. Hadn’t it been for her she would have run away by now.

“Has he said anything to you?”

"About Sarisa? No."

“Do you think he likes her?”

"I don't know. He hasn't mentioned her once. Does that worry you?"

“Yes.”

In a way, Aryana was admitting that it bothered her too much that Brynden had slept with Lady Sarisa. It shouldn’t have made her feel insecure or perhaps even jealous, but somehow it still did, and that angered her. She didn’t want to feel that way. What she wanted was to hate Brynden and let him do whatever it was that he wanted to do, but she couldn’t. She feared he liked Lady Sarisa, and maybe he found her more beautiful or interesting.

"I doubt that he likes her."

“I hope you’re right.”

Aryana let out a deep sigh, pulling Antra closer to her as she wrapped her arms tightly around her. It was so confusing what she felt about Brynden. Was she supposed to hate him or love him? Aryana wasn’t sure, but now it was much easier to hate him or dislike him, even if it pained her to do that.

 

[desti]

To Antra it sounded like Aryana had grown to like Brynden. She was worried about Brynden liking Sarisa, maybe she was even jealous. Antra didn’t want that, but at the same time it almost made her glad that Aryana had such strong emotions. That meant that she must like Brynden, even a little. But, Gods, those were horrible thoughts to have and overall Antra was just upset that Aryana was so sad about it and hurt by Brynden.

Now it was obvious that Antra had to talk to Brynden about this. If he’d make an effort to make Aryana feel better, to talk to her and convince her that it was all just a stupid one-time mistake, then perhaps she’d be more open to forgive him. Antra already dreaded the conversation, but someone had to help them find each other again and she figured it might as well be her. She wouldn’t let them hate each other for the rest of their lives and have a miserable marriage.

It was nice to lay with Aryana though, with their arms around each other it made Antra feel so safe and comfortable and she hoped Aryana felt the same. She wanted to comfort her friend, make her feel happy. She didn’t know if talking about Brynden was the best thing to do, but perhaps Aryana needed to vent about him. If so, Antra would listen to her and talk her through it. She didn’t mind.

“Should we stop talking about Brynden?”

"Yes. He upsets me."

That was understandable, and Antra wouldn’t push it unless Aryana would bring it up again. She didn’t mind talking, she almost wanted to discuss it more, but that was Aryana’s decision and Antra didn’t want to make her upset. That meant they had to think of something else to talk about. Something happy, something to take Aryana’s mind off of Brynden.

“Alright. Let’s forget about Brynden for the night then.”

Aryana pulled her even closer and stroked her back, making Antra smiled and stroke her hair in return. She tried to think of what to talk about, but nothing seemed quite appropriate at the moment. Perhaps they should just stay silent? But then Antra feared that Aryana’s mind might wander and she’d just be sad.

“Is there anything you want to talk about?”

"Has anything more happened between you and Elias?"

It didn’t seem right to talk about such things now, but at the mention of Elias, Antra’s mind immediately began to wander off to him. Whenever Elias was on her mind, it was easy to not think of other things and that was the case now as well. Antra couldn’t help but smile a little as she gave a shy shrug to the question, “no, I guess not.”

"Is it fun?"

“Yes. Very.”

"Are you happy with him?"

“Yes. Now I feel even closer to him, if that’s possible.”

"Now it for sure sounds like you're in love,” Aryana chuckled.

“I am in love with him.”

"Have you told him?"

Should she? Antra thought about it, but she wondered if there was even a reason to do that. Elias must’ve known by now, since Antra doubted she was very good at hiding it. He should know from the way she looked at him and couldn’t get enough of him. Antra thought it was obvious, but perhaps she should say it just so it was clear. Maybe he’d even say it back?

“No. Do you think I should?”

"Yes, of course."

“Alright. I will,” Antra nodded, “I suppose I should wait for a good moment to say it, though.”

"Do it when it feels right."

Would it be easy to tell when the time was right? Perhaps Antra would just know when it would be the moment to do it, because now she had no clue. She figured that she could just feel it, or perhaps she’d just accidentally say it. Honestly, the latter was more likely now that Antra knew she should tell Elias. Hopefully Antra wouldn’t say it at the wrong time, she assumed that wouldn’t be great.

“Alright,” Antra smiled and chuckled, “I hope he loves me too.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Talking about Elias and Antra helped Aryana forget about all the trouble Brynden had caused her. It made her happy knowing that her friend had someone who was taking care of her. That was what Antra deserved. A man who saw what she was worth and treated her with kindness and love. Perhaps it was a little upsetting to think about because of what had happened with Brynden, but Aryana wouldn’t let her sadness destroy Antra’s happiness. That wasn’t fair, and she only wanted to be happy for Antra, not jealous or upset.

Aryana hadn’t spoken much to Elias. She has exchanged a few pleasantries with him whenever they had seen each other at camp, and she liked the man. It seemed like he had his heart in the right place, and that he genuinely was a good man. Though it was a shame that he wasn’t of higher birth, Aryana supported Antra being with him. At least for now while they still had the chance to love each other.

Perhaps Aryana should have been the one to tell Antra that it would likely hurt her in the end when they would realise they couldn’t be together, but they were so happy together. That was the impression Aryana had, and she didn’t want to ruin that. She didn’t care much for what was expected of her and Antra as Ladies either. If Elias was the right person for Antra, then Aryana would support them and defend them if that time would ever come.

It was only right that Antra had someone to make her feel loved and special at camp after everything that had happened to her. Everyone else could think whatever they wanted to think about Antra, but Aryana wouldn’t let this change her view of her friend. Of course it was dangerous regarding her reputation, but she doubted it would ever become public. If it were to, then she hoped Antra was careful and knew the consequences of it.

“I’m sure he does. It sounds like he does.”

Hearing Antra giggle then made Aryana even happier. Antra nuzzled her face into Aryana’s hair, and Aryana tightened her grip around her then. It sounded so sweet. She truly hoped that they did love each other as it seemed like they both deserved that. Aryana pressed her lips against Antra’s head then, chuckling as she felt Antra squeezing her arms around her. Gods, this made her feel better.

"I probably annoy you with how much I talk about him."

“You could never annoy me.”

"Alright, good."

Aryana hoped that she didn’t annoy Antra from how much she had talked about Brynden, or more complained about him. Though it didn’t seem like it. They were close, and she knew she would never get annoyed or tired of hearing about Elias. It wasn’t possible because of how much Aryana loved Antra as her friend. She hoped they would be friends for a long time no matter what would happen between her and Brynden.

Just as Aryana almost let her mind think about Brynden again, she felt Antra’s lips against her hair. Instead she thought about her, and how much of a good friend she was. Aryana would be forever grateful.

“Is he feeling better?”

"I think so. At least around me he seems good and happy."

“That’s good. I am so happy for you.”

"I'm so lucky to have met him."

“You are.”

Perhaps it was something more than just luck that had brought Antra and Elias together. When Aryana thought about it was slightly morbid to think about the reason why Elias was even here with them, but she didn’t want to think about that. Instead she wanted to believe that maybe it was fate that had brought them together. They seemed to be meant for each other, which in reality was a shame, but now Aryana found it beautiful.

"I hope you feel better soon."

“Can you stay with me tonight?”

"Of course."

As if it was even possible to come any closer to Antra, they both moved closer to each other until Aryana was pressed up against her. It would for sure make her feel better to have Antra closer to her, at least for tonight. It had been difficult to fall asleep after the conversation with Brynden, and Antra helped Aryana think about other things than what had happened. Hopefully Elias wouldn’t mind that Aryana was making Antra stay with her.

Aryana nuzzled her face into Antra’s hair, letting out a deep sigh as she got comfortable in her arms. It was important to remember not to make a habit out of this. She didn’t want to get too dependent on having Antra there with her. She had to handle this mostly by herself, though she, of course, appreciated Antra’s help. But Aryana just wanted to be careful and not grow too attached to laying in Antra’s arms.

 

[desti]

Agreements.
Chapter LXXXVII
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar
​

Everything was really just getting more fucked by the minute. If Brynden didn’t have the sense of duty that he did, he might’ve just hoped to die in battle. He couldn’t though, he knew that. Brynden had to lead this war to the end and see it through, he had to kill the King with his own hands and finish what he started. The women around him really made him want to die, though, honestly.

Never did Brynden realise just how complicated they were and how much they messed with a man’s head. Whores, that was easy. Brynden just paid them and fucked them, there was nothing else to it. That was how he preferred it all, but now with Aryana and Sarisa in the mix, everything was just wrong. Brynden somehow doubted that he could just pay them and make everything alright that way.

Two days after his horrible conversation with Aryana, Antra had come to him and for once she was actually angry at him. Angry for her just meant that she sounded very disappointed and upset, though, which broke Brynden’s heart as he stood and listened to her words. He knew he had hurt Aryana, but he had almost hoped that it was just the initial shock that had upset her. Apparently, it wasn’t.

The conversation with his sister made Brynden realise that he had to do something. He felt horrible about what had happened, and he felt even worse about the thoughts that would sometimes pop up in his head. A part of him wanted to continue this with Sarisa, because what did it matter anymore? Aryana was already mad at him and upset, it wouldn’t matter if Brynden would keep fucking Sarisa or not. That was so stupid, though, and Brynden was ashamed to think such things.

Regardless of whether or not he felt something for Sarisa, he had to get her to leave. In the end, Aryana was the one that mattered to Brynden. She would be his wife and he had to take care of her. The memories with Sarisa were nice, but they ultimately meant nothing. No matter how much Brynden had enjoyed himself, it had to stop and he had to focus on what was important.

When Brynden had carefully brought up the topic to Aeron, it didn’t seem like the man was even considering cancelling the betrothal. It wasn’t like Brynden really tried to convince him to do it, anyways. After feeling so lost that night with Aryana and the conversation with Antra, now he was determined to make things better between them. There had to be something he could do, right? Brynden just had to figure it out.

The first thing Brynden knew he had to do was get rid of Sarisa. He couldn’t see her, but the best option would be for her to leave camp altogether. Even if Brynden wouldn’t get any information out of her, Sarisa just had to leave. That would be the best. Brynden knew that and yet he was still taking his time with it, because he almost didn’t want to let her go so easily. Fuck, she’d been good.

Why was he taking so fucking long? Days had passed since he first made the decision, and yet Brynden didn’t have the courage to find Sarisa and tell her. He still remembered how nice it had felt to hold her in his arms and kiss her that night. He shouldn’t, but he did and he liked thinking about it. It was so fucking stupid, and Brynden hated himself for it, but there was nothing he could do about it but get Sarisa away from him.

“Brynden.”

Another night had passed of him being too cowardly to go to Sarisa, but it seemed that wasn’t necessary. She had once again found her way into his tent, surprising him as he stood by his table, leaning over a map. Brynden turned around and looked over her, before averting his gaze to the ground. He leant back against his desk, with his hands holding onto the edge of it.

“Sarisa.”

"I came to thank you," Sarisa said, walking towards him.

“Thank me?”

"Yes. It was kind of you to let me stay that night, and kind of you to get me a guard."

“You don’t have to thank me for that,” Brynden shrugged.

"But I want to."

“Then you’re welcome.”

"I owe you something for that."

Maybe it was just his fucked up mind, but that didn’t sound as innocent as Brynden would’ve liked. Knowing Sarisa, it made Brynden feel like he might just do something stupid again. He really didn’t want to do that. He should just tell her to leave now, before something foolish would happen between them. Still, Brynden stayed, watching the ground and leaning back against his desk.

“You don’t. It’s fine, Sarisa.”

"I do. I know you need this more than I do anyway."

“What?”

There was a frown on Sarisa’s face as she spoke, "didn't you need information about the war?"

Relief washed over him then and Brynden just felt stupid now. He nodded his head and forced himself to look at her finally. Gods, she was pretty. But he couldn’t think like that. Brynden tried to focus on what she had said. Would she finally give him the information he had asked all along? That was truly the best case scenario to come out of this, and hopefully Sarisa would leave afterwards.

“Yes, yes I do.”

​

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Walking through camp felt safer now that Sarisa had someone guarding her tent and someone that she assumingly could trust. The threats Brynden had said to her were meaningless now, and the looks some men gave her didn’t matter. But even with the closure of having a guard, she still longed for the safety Brynden had given her that night. It was foolish. She knew better than that, but it was as if she had already grown attached to his touch, his kisses and his stupid fucking presence in general and Sarisa didn’t like it.

Now it wasn’t Brynden’s men who made her feel weird and uncomfortable. It was Brynden himself. He hadn’t done anything to make her feel that way, but her own thoughts frightened her. Their two evenings together had been something else, filled with overwhelming emotion and perhaps that was why Sarisa felt attracted to him. It could have been the loneliness that had caused her to cling onto Brynden for comfort.

It didn’t make much sense to Sarisa why it had happened something between Brynden and her. Old habits could have been a part of that problem, but in the end, she gave up on trying to come up with an understandable reason as to why she had slept with him. It made it easier to give up when Brynden hadn’t seemed to know either. Then Sarisa was able to push her thoughts away and think of it more as a mistake than anything else.

In the end, Sarisa understood she had no purpose with the Northerners. Not anymore since Elysa was dead, and she was the one who could have potentially given Sarisa some opportunities. She had wanted to help them in the war for Justan and his tragic death, but after what had happened with Brynden it was difficult for her to see that working out. All she could do was give him the information she had, but that was about it.

Sarisa figured she owed Brynden that after the kindness he had shown her. Though she was still uncertain about him, she knew it was for the better if she helped him. That was what Elysa and Justan would have wanted, or so Sarisa assumed. It was a shame that thing wouldn’t go as planned, but Sarisa didn’t want to be upset about that anymore. There was no point. There was nothing else she could do.

That day Sarisa took the letters she had stolen from the Maester in Aeredale, pushing them down the neckline of her dress before walking in the direction of Brynden’s tent. It was a path that already seemed too familiar to her though she had only been there once before. Whatever it was that was happening between them, Sarisa wasn’t sure if she wanted it to stop or keep exploring her emotions with Brynden. Though the latter seemed foolish.

When she entered his tent, Brynden seemed rather awkward. Sarisa didn’t want to ask questions, neither did she want it to seem like she cared for his wellbeing. The only reason she was there was to deliver information to him, and she knew she couldn’t let her own temptations to pull him down into a kiss take over her. She couldn’t lose control as she stood there beside him by the table, looking up at him, meeting his gaze.

“Did you have something else in mind?”

"What? No."

Brynden turned away at her question which made Sarisa curious. His whole behaviour was strange as if he was hiding something, and Sarisa raised her hand to his shoulder, wanting him to face her. When he did look at her, she raised her brow in curiosity as to what he had thought about. She wanted to know. Not because she perhaps wanted to fulfil Brynden’s wishful thinking, but simply because she was curious.

“Tell me.”

"What?"

“You’re a terrible liar, Brynden.”

"So, the war?"

Now Sarisa for sure wanted to ask Brynden if there was anything wrong, but instead, she pulled away from him, looking down at the table he had covered in maps. He was acting so awkward towards her, and Sarisa assumed it was because he felt like what they had done was wrong. That was what he had said that evening at least. But it was true. It was wrong, and Sarisa knew better than to attempt something like that again.

“I have a few letters that might be useful to you,” Sarisa mumbled as she brought her hand down under her dress.

"Letters?"

While Sarisa was tugging at her dress, perhaps revealing too much skin to Brynden, it never occurred to her that it might have bothered him. She wasn’t even looking at him as she caught the letters with her fingers, pulling them out. Though deep down she knew she wouldn’t have minded some attention if Brynden wanted to give her some. It was so wrong, but she couldn’t help it. Brynden was something else.

“Yes, letters.”

"And you think they'd be useful to me?"

“These are letters Lord Baldor has written, and that I stole. I assume they’d be useful to you.”

Sarisa laid the letters down onto the table, looking up at Brynden. There was some information in them regarding the war. Perhaps not as much as Brynden would have liked there to be, but that was all Sarisa had. Most of them were about the King, while some were just filled with simple and maybe useless information.

 

[desti]

It was hard for Brynden not to stare. He tried to think about what sort of letters Sarisa might be pulling out of there, but Brynden was a weak man and his eyes were truly wandering. Aryana was absolutely right. He was horrible and pathetic. This only solidified his decision that Sarisa had to leave. Brynden cared for Aryana, he did, but he was afraid that he wasn’t able to control himself around Sarisa.

What was it about her? There was something drawing Brynden in, but he wasn’t able to put his finger on what it was. It was so fucking confusing and frustrating, and he wanted it to stop. It had to be the sex, of course it had to be. What else? When Sarisa pulled the letters out of her dress, Brynden finally managed to tear his gaze away from her hands, and back to her face again.

Letters from Lord Baldor could prove useful, perhaps. Maybe not as useful as Brynden would like, but it was better than nothing. It surprised him a little that Sarisa stole from her own father, but perhaps it shouldn’t have. She’d made it clear what she felt towards her parents, and Brynden should’ve figured that stealing important things from them wasn’t below her.

“Thank you,” he mumbled as he turned his back to her, splaying the letter all over his desk to count them.

Sarisa didn’t say or do anything then, while Brynden’s eyes moved across the letters. He almost hoped that she would just leave, so he spent maybe a little too long focused on the papers. Eventually, though, there wasn’t anything else he could do, so Brynden gave up and turned around again to face her.

"I hope they'll be useful."

“I’m sure they will be. Thank you,” Brynden repeated, nodding his head a little.

"Are you okay?"

Gods, he had to fucking tell her. Now it just seemed rude to do. Sarisa gave him all she had, and now Brynden would ask her to fuck off. At least they would likely never see each other again, so if Sarisa would hate him after this, then it wouldn’t be that big of a problem. Brynden was just desperate to do something, fix him and Aryana again, but Sarisa and whatever the fuck he felt when he looked at her made it difficult.

“Do I not seem alright?”

"No."

When Sarisa reached for his hand, Brynden should’ve pushed it away, but he couldn’t. Instead he took her soft hand in his, watching it as his thumb stroked across her hand. Perhaps it was meant to offer comfort, but it just made everything ever harder for Brynden. He thought this was going to be easier, but it obviously wasn’t going as planned. But it had to be done, for Aryana.

“Well, you’re right. I’m not.”

"What's wrong?” Sarisa asked as she stepped closer to him.

“This is wrong.”

"I know."

“This has to stop.”

"Is that what you want?"

It wasn’t. Brynden knew that he wanted this to continue, that he enjoyed holding Sarisa and he liked kissing her way too much. He didn’t want it to end, but he knew it had to. They had had their fun together, but now it had to be over. Brynden knew it was for the better. He wanted to be better for Aryana, and stopping whatever he had with Sarisa was the first step in doing that.

“That doesn’t matter.”

With that, Sarisa pulled away from him and took a step back. Brynden wanted to grab her and pull her back against him, kiss her, touch her, but he didn’t. Instead he moved his hands to rest behind him, gripping the edges of the desk again. Now that Sarisa was slightly further away from him, it should’ve been easier to control himself. It wasn’t, not really.

"We can stop."

“We have to.”

"Okay."

“I hurt someone very badly because of all this. I don’t want to do that anymore.”

"I understand, Brynden. I'm sorry."

“Don’t. I should’ve never started this. I should’ve known better.”

"I can leave if that would make it easier for you."

It didn’t seem like Sarisa was taking it all too harshly, so that made Brynden more confident about his words. He was afraid to hurt her as well. That was definitely not what he wanted, though he had realised that might happen, as what he was asking was a little rude and selfish. It had to be done, though. Aryana was important.

“I think that would be for the best.”

"Give me a horse, and I'll be gone before you wake up in the morning."

“I’ll give you a couple men too, to escort you wherever you’d like to go. I want you to be safe.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Now it was clear what Sarisa had to do. It no longer mattered how confused she was when it came to Brynden. He wanted her to leave. That didn’t hurt her even if it perhaps should have. It was easy for her to understand where he was coming from and why he would want her to leave. Their feelings for each other seemed to be mutual, but that also meant he had to be just as confused as she was, and that wasn’t good. Neither was it right.

All that did was to cause more trouble between them. Sarisa could have stayed at camp, but she knew she would bite into the temptation of seeing Brynden again, and she didn’t want to ruin anything for him. It was for the better. She knew she had nothing to do at camp, no purpose, no opportunities. Staying here meant she would be stuck in a boring routine of doing nothing, and that wasn’t what she wanted. This wasn’t her place.

Sarisa had no idea where she would go. What she knew for sure was that she wouldn’t travel back to Aeredale. Though it was her home and where she was expected to be, she would never go back there. Perhaps she’d visit Wheldrake, though in a time of war she imagined she wouldn’t be safe there. Sarisa hoped she’d find somewhere to be, somewhere she would feel at home. It was a shame that Brynden had somewhat given her that feeling.

Gods, it was Brynden who was making this difficult for her. Had he asked her to leave before they had slept together, Sarisa would have gladly done so. She was going to leave now too, but it felt as if she wasn’t able to let go of Brynden. She had to though. No matter how tempting it was to stay, Sarisa didn’t want to upset Brynden or bother him. This had all been a mistake, and she agreed with Brynden’s words.

“You don’t have to do that.”

"But I will. I'll give you anything else you need, too."

“Brynden, I have already caused you so much trouble. I don’t need anything.”

It felt wrong to have Brynden give her anything. She had clearly caused him a lot of trouble, and that wasn’t what she wanted. The feeling he had given her was addictive, and she still felt it lingering inside of her. Her whole body ached to lean up to press their lips together so she could rid him off his clothes and relive that mistake they had made. It took her so much control to not do so, and she knew the sooner she left, the better.

"It's the least I can do, Sarisa."

“Okay. I’d like to leave tonight then.”

"You'll leave in the morning. Just so you and whoever will go with you can rest before the journey."

“Do you know how difficult this is for me? It is better if I leave now.”

"And after the war... If you want land or -- or a title or the West, or something... just ask."

Before Sarisa could even think about Brynden’s words, she brought her hands to his face, cupping his cheeks as she leaned up to kiss him. He had been rambling, and she didn’t want to hear it. All she could think about was how addictive this was, and how this was likely the last time they’d see each other. She should have pulled away, but then Brynden kissed her back, holding her face in his hands as well, and Gods, Sarisa didn’t want to leave.

Then Sarisa did pull away, pressing her forehead against his before she mumbled, “shut up.”

Sarisa closed her eyes at the sensation of Brynden’s fingers stroking over her skin. This was so fucking stupid. They had just agreed they needed to stop, and it would stop. She would leave and never come back to see him again, but for now, she wasn’t able to pull away from him. Instead, she did the exact opposite and kissed him again, moaning against his lips as she stroked her hands back in his hair.

Again Brynden returned the kiss, pulling her closer to him while she felt his hand move into her hair. How was she supposed to pull away now? All she wanted was to touch him and be here with him for a little longer. Impulsively she tugged at his hair, feeling how fucking addictive it was to be in his embrace with his lips on hers. At that Brynden pulled away, and Sarisa knew that what she was doing wasn’t right.

“I’m sorry.”

"I'm sorry too."

Still, Sarisa wasn’t able to pull away. She kept her eyes closed as her forehead pressed against his. His breath was ghosting over her skin, and she didn’t want him to let go of her. Not yet. Gods, this was pathetic and foolish. This was why she had to leave sooner rather than later. But then Brynden pulled her into a hug and all those worries and overwhelming emotions she went away. All she could think about then was how comforting this was, how safe she felt and how she only wanted to stand here for a little while with him.

Brynden was stroking her hair, and Sarisa traced her fingers against the back of his neck, letting her nails drag across his skin. It felt too good, but she was certain that once she would leave, that feeling Brynden had given her would disappear as well. If not then she wouldn’t know how she would ever be able to stop thinking about him, but she doubted that would happen, even if she now didn’t want to let go or forget.

 

[desti]

Kissing Sarisa was the worst thing Brynden could’ve done tonight. He kept rambling on about giving her whatever she would want, and then she had kissed him and he wasn’t able to pull away. Her lips just felt so fucking good against his, it was impossible to resist her. Something about her was so addictive and good, Brynden felt that as long as she would be near him, he wouldn’t be able to let her go.

At that moment, it just felt right. Brynden couldn’t help it. When their lips met, everything else disappeared from his mind and it was just Sarisa then. It was so ridiculous, so stupid, but it kept happening. It was so hard to stop touching Sarisa, so Brynden didn’t do that. Instead, he pulled her into an embrace, stroking her hair as he pressed a kiss against the side of her head.

Perhaps Brynden should’ve felt sad about her leaving. Sure, he would’ve liked her to stay, but that just wasn’t possible. Brynden liked having her around, he liked what they got up to together, even if they hadn’t had that much time with one another. It was for the best that Sarisa left, though. It wasn’t fair on Aryana and Brynden didn’t want to hurt her any longer.

Her nails against his neck made Brynden think about what they had shared, and he figured he would think of it fondly, rather than forget it. Aryana would likely want him to forget, but he doubted that’d be possible. Brynden enjoyed Sarisa a little too much to just shove her away in a dark corner of his mind. It wasn’t right, but that’s how things were apparently.

Brynden’s lips traveled from her hair, across her cheek until they landed on her lips again. It was so easy to get lost with her arms around him. He was betraying Aryana like this, but he imagined that it was only right that he was able to say a proper goodbye to Sarisa. It wouldn’t be fair on her for him to give her the cold shoulder after everything that had happened. At least that was Brynden’s excuse as he kissed Sarisa again.

As they kissed, Sarisa’s fingers slipped behind the hem of his shirt and Brynden sighed, feeling her fingers against his skin. He didn’t stop her and instead held her close against him with his arms still wrapped around her. Eventually though, Brynden had to pulled away from her lips and he looked at her while his fingers were stroking her blonde hair. He couldn’t help but chuckle a little at how absurd it all was.

It was for the better that Sarisa pulled away from him then, her eyes not meeting his gaze either. Brynden returned to his desk again, sighing at the sudden loss of her warm body against his, “what are you going to do?”

"I don't know."

“Do you know where you’re going to go? Home?”

"I'm never going back home. I suppose I will just have to find my place somewhere."

“You’ll find someplace, I’m sure.”

It did make Brynden feel a little bad now that he knew that Sarisa didn’t have a place to go. She would be safer at camp, but still he couldn’t have her here. It was for the better, it was and he knew it. Sarisa was pretty and smart, Brynden was sure she’d figure something out. All of that did make Brynden think what he would do with the rest of the Brynes, but he didn’t want to hurt his head with those thoughts just now.

Sarisa was looking at him now again, "I hope so."

“Well, if you ever need help…”

"I know. Thank you, Brynden."

“Thank you for everything, too, Sarisa.”

Brynden would forever be grateful to Sarisa for how she had taken care of his mother during her time as a prisoner. Knowing that mother hadn’t been alone after all meant a lot to him. He hoped that she had found her peace and that she had gotten comfort out of Sarisa during those dark last months of her life.

"I should leave you alone now."

“Do you want to go?”

"What I want doesn't matter."

“You can stay the night, if you want.”

"Are you sure?"

Obviously it wouldn’t be right, but Brynden didn’t intend it in any inappropriate way. Just like last time, Brynden thought he could just hold her throughout the night. He thought she looked a little upset, so he wanted to comfort her. All he wanted was to be with her right now, because Brynden was confident that they would never see each other again after today. What harm would it bring to spend one last night together?

“I’m sure.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Now it nearly pained Sarisa to pull away from Brynden. It shouldn’t have, but it did. She wasn’t sure why he was so addictive to her, or why she wasn’t able to let go of him without it hurting. That comforting sensation that washed over her at his touch had become so familiar to her, perhaps even too familiar. It was as if she had grown attached to him in such a short period of time where they had barely spent any of it together. The whole situation was strange, but she reassured herself that it soon would be over and she wouldn’t have to worry anymore.

When Brynden offered her to stay, Sarisa knew it would have been better if she told him she wanted to leave. That wouldn’t be the truth though. Honestly, Sarisa wanted to stay with Brynden for the night. No matter how pathetic it was of her to want that, she couldn’t help it. If this would be the last time she would ever see him it couldn’t be that wrong of her to want to spend that time with him, and not alone in her tent.

That feeling of safety and comfort he gave her was something Sarisa needed now anyway. Soon she would be on her own with men she didn’t know, travelling to a place unbeknownst to her. For a long time, she had been independent. She had stayed in Aeredale without her parents, without her brother, but even so, she felt frightened now of what was awaiting her in the future. Though she knew, in the end, she would be okay with it.

“I’d like that.”

"Good."

Sarisa walked to the other side of the table, her gaze lingering on the letters. There were so many outcomes to the war, but she genuinely hoped that Brynden would be successful. She wondered if her parents had even noticed her absence. Not that she cared much about their opinion, but she hoped they wouldn’t send anyone to look for her. The last thing she wanted was to have to deal with them or the West in general.

"Are you alright?"

“Yes.”

Just as she looked up at him, Brynden nodded before he walked away. Sarisa followed him with her gaze, watching as he sat down on his bed. It almost felt wrong now to sleep in the same bed as him. Fuck, it was so confusing and conflicting. A moment ago she wanted to stay in his embrace, and now she was unsure if that was such a smart thing. It was what she wanted though. She wanted it so badly.

Their gaze met as Brynden spoke, “what?”

“Nothing.”

"Alright."

It was so fucking conflicting. Now her thoughts were all over the place. Sarisa let out a deep sigh as she tried to collect herself, but those temptations she had regarding Brynden were so hard to resist. He was difficult to resist. Watching him sitting there at the edge of his bed made all kind of thoughts rush through her mind, and all Sarisa could do was walk over to him and sit down next to him. It was so fucking pathetic.

They were both silent, and Sarisa tried so hard to push those thoughts away, but her body was aching for him. It was so fucking wrong. Wanting Brynden wasn’t right for her, but she couldn’t help it. Therefore Sarisa couldn’t help it either as she moved to sink onto Brynden’s lap, grasping his chin to kiss him again. It wasn’t meant to be sexual even with those thoughts in her head; she just needed to feel his lips against hers.

Brynden kissed her back, and Sarisa felt his arm move to wrap around her. All those worries went away again with his lips on hers, and with his hands on her. It was so much easier to let go of her thoughts, and she hoped that they would stay gone for good once she wouldn’t see Brynden anymore. For now, she kept her hands on his shoulders, squeezing them gently as her lips moved against his.

Sarisa let out a pleased sigh into the kiss as Brynden stroked his hand over her hair. She moved to sit even closer to him, bringing her hands over his shoulder to rest against the back of his neck. Then he pulled away from the kiss, and their gaze met. Gods, he was attractive. Sarisa didn’t know what was happening to her, but it was something with Brynden that made her so fucking weak. She felt so stupid.

“This is foolish, but…”

"But what?"

“It is so tempting.”

"I know."

Before Sarisa could answer, Brynden was kissing her again. This time she brought her hands up in his hair, tugging at it once again as she kissed him more desperately. It shouldn’t have been so tempting. It shouldn’t have felt so good, but Sarisa was so fucking lost with Brynden that she wasn’t able to stop or pull away. Not that she wanted to either. All she wanted was to keep kissing him, and she caught his bottom lip between her teeth, gently biting it as she held onto his hair so tightly.

 

[desti]

Company.
Chapter LXXXVIII
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar
​

Over the last few days, Antra had found herself spending more and more time with Aryana. Obviously she didn’t mind that, though she did wish that the reason for it was better than it actually was. Their conversations were pleasant and Antra found herself smiling and laughing often, but she knew that Aryana was still hurting, which made her want to be by her side as often as she could.

The conversation she’d had with Brynden afterwards just made Antra disappointed in him. Though he did seem genuinely upset about what had happened, she didn’t know if he truly realised how much he messed up by doing what he’d done. At least Lady Sarisa Bryne had left a while after, which calmed Antra’s mind a little and she hoped that it did the same to Aryana.

It was stupid how badly Antra wanted Aryana and Brynden to succeed. It wasn’t her life, nor was it really her business, but she loved them both so dearly that it was hard not to want to see them happy together. They’d make a great pair, in Antra’s mind. Or, at least they had made a great pair until Brynden managed to mess it all up. Antra wondered if things would get better over time, if Aryana would ever forgive him, but she didn’t bother the girl with her brother for now. It didn’t seem like she wanted to talk much about it.

Being so much with Aryana meant that Antra didn’t really have time for Elias. Of course he would understand though, and Antra didn’t feel too bad about how they weren’t spending as much time together as usual. It was an emergency, really, and Aryana needed Antra. As wonderful as Elias was, he needed to wait a few days before Antra felt alright with leaving Aryana alone again.

A little alone time would do her friend some good, anyways. Antra imagined that perhaps Aryana was getting tired of their conversations by this point and everything else. Soon enough, Antra would come back to Aryana anyways and talk to her about meaningless topics to distract her mind and cheer her up a little. Gods, how she hoped that Aryana would soon feel better.

Only when Antra felt like it was alright, she decided to spend a night with Elias again, instead of Aryana. Truly, she missed being with him, but right now Aryana had been her priority. Now Antra just hoped that she’d be able to get distracted by Elias and stop worrying about Aryana for the night. She eased her mind with the thought that she’d go to Aryana again first thing in the morning.

When Antra came into his tent, Elias was reading something that Antra probably didn’t really care all that much about. She hoped that Elias wasn’t too interested in it, either, because she didn’t exactly want to watch him read a book for the whole evening. Even if he was nice to look at, Antra figured that would become boring quite quick. She crossed the tent quickly and leant down as she wrapped her arms around his neck from behind, resting her chin on his shoulder, “hi.”

The book in his hands was forgotten as Elias put it away and instead raised his hand to touch hers. Antra smiled and pressed a kiss against his cheek, taking his hand in hers. He made her so happy so quickly, it was really ridiculous. It was so strange how one person could make such an impact on Antra and her life, but she wasn’t really complaining about it.

When Elias looked up at her and tugged on her hand, Antra got the hint and moved around him to sit down on his lap. She smiled at him as she raised her hand to his face to stroke his hair gently. In return, Elias moved his hand to cup her face, "you're so beautiful."

It made her always feel so warm inside to hear such words from him. It was just so simple and sweet, and it made Antra feel so loved when she understood that he truly meant all of those things. Those feelings returned to her now as well, as she leant forwards to press their lips together. They didn’t kiss for too long, though, because soon enough Elias pulled away again, looking at her instead.

“Are you alright?” Antra chuckled, moving her hand from his hair to cup his cheek instead.

"Of course."

“Sorry we haven’t had much time together lately,” she said as she laid her head down on his shoulder.

"You have nothing to be sorry for.”

His fingers were stroking against her back and Antra shrugged a little then. She did feel a little guilty, but now she was here and she supposed that Elias was right. Though she mostly just felt sorry, because she had missed him and she wanted to think that perhaps Elias had missed her as well. Even if it was a little stupid to miss him after such a short period of time, when they hadn’t even been truly apart from one another. Gods, what would she do after the war, when she’d be forced to be without him?

“I guess,” Antra chuckled, pressing a short kiss against his neck, “I missed you, though.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Those thoughts Elias had regarding Antra had lingered on his mind for days now. Ever since he had realised that he loved her, it seemed as if he couldn’t get it off his mind. At least they were nice thoughts to have. Now that he finally understood what they shared, Elias did feel a little frightened at how it would end. It was so easy for him to tell that his feelings for her had become so strong over the last few weeks. That was necessarily a good thing.

Elias knew that as he grew closer to Antra, the more upset he would be the day he had to leave. Not that he could control it. There was no way for him to handle his feelings towards her, and he didn’t wish to try to stop it either. He was enjoying it, especially her company and presence in general. Everything about Antra brought him so much joy during his rather long days. Without her, he wasn’t sure what he would have done, and he didn’t want to find out what he would have to do without her one day. He dreaded it, pushing that thought away from his mind.

For those past few days though, Elias hadn’t actually seen much of Antra. He assumed she was busy, and he knew that since Aryana had been back at camp for a long time now that she could have easily spent the evenings with her instead. That didn’t bother him too much. He did find himself missing her, but he knew he wasn’t in control of her life. If she needed some time with her friend, Elias would understand.

Perhaps the evenings Elias got to spend alone were for the better. It gave him time to build up the courage he would need if he were to tell Antra that he loved her. Also, it gave him time to focus on the war that was ahead of them and all the information they had gotten from Lady Sarisa. He had likely read through them too many times now, trying to figure out if there was something they weren’t seeing, but most of the information was useless.

It did give Elias a better understanding of what the initial plan had been for the King, but he knew better than to take those letters too seriously. He didn’t want to lead Lord Brynden into something that could potentially backfire on them, but in the end, they gave him a little hope that they were going to win the war. At least it seemed like they were more prepared unless Lady Sarisa couldn’t be trusted. Though Elias was confident that it was Lord Baldor’s hand in those letters, doubting that they were forged to mislead them.

Elias would have liked to speak to Lady Sarisa about the letters, but Lord Brynden was the one who had handled that. It was a shame that she had left before he had gotten a chance to, but perhaps she didn’t know that much about her parents' involvement with the war. Either way, he didn’t want to busy his thoughts with war as he sat in his tent with a book in his hands. It was rather dull though, and Elias felt how heavy his eyes were getting at each word he read. Gods, his body was aching to lay down and rest.

Then Elias felt hands wrap around his neck, and he heard her sweet voice that brought a smile upon his face. It was a little ridiculous that he had missed her so much, and now felt so thrilled at her coming to him for the evening. At least he hoped she was, and even if she wasn’t, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to let her go as she sat down on his lap with her hand stroking his hair. That was too good to let go of.

With his fingers stroking along her back, tracing the fabric of her dress, Elias let out a deep sigh as she let her head rest against his shoulder. It didn’t hurt him anymore to have her close to him, and he was happy about that. Gods, he had been miserable then, not being able to touch her and feel her close to him because of the pain. He was thankful that it seemed like that was finally over now.

“I missed you too, Antra.”

"What have you been up to?"

“Nothing unusual. Meetings and more meetings.”

Elias wrapped his arms around Antra, holding her tight against him as she hugged him. His days were never that interesting. To him they sometimes were, but he doubted they would be that for her since she wasn’t interested in war and such things. He would have loved to ramble on about that to her, but he didn’t want to waste this evening talking about war. He wanted to spend time with her and make sure she felt loved and cared for.

"How exciting."

“Very,” he chuckled as Antra nuzzled closer to his neck.

"We're winning, what's the point of having so many meetings."

“There are many things to discuss. Politics, strategy and all those things that I am sure would bore you.”

"Well, you're probably right about that."

Sometimes Elias barely understood the reasoning behind a meeting, but he knew they were all necessary and it was likely the reason they were winning. He would have preferred to spend more time with her though, but the war was so important, even if he slightly wished it wouldn’t end because then he would have to go back to Santrella. Lady Carlys was likely expecting him to return sooner or later.

“It’s a shame I can’t spend more time with you.”

"It truly is. I can't get enough of you."

Gently Elias pushed Antra away from him so he could cup her face and look at her again. Now his thumbs were stroking over her cheekbones, and fuck, he couldn’t get enough of her either. He wanted to tell her now that he loved her, but even when the words were at the tip of his tongue, they felt impossible to get out. Had he ever said those words to anyone? No, but he knew Antra deserved to know. Fuck, it was so hard though.

“I can try to spend more time with you. Unless your brother needs me at every meeting.”

 

[desti]

It was so comfortable to sit in Elias’ lap with his arms around her. Antra imagined that if he were to begin rambling on about the things he was interested in, she would surely fall asleep in just a few minutes. It wasn’t like she wasn’t willing to listen, but it was a little boring sometimes. Though it was nice for Antra to see just how happy it seemed to make Elias to speak about the things that he liked.

Although Antra didn’t see the point in having as many meetings as Brynden insisted on having. They were winning, weren’t they? Everyone around camp said that victory would surely be theirs, judging by how everything was going. What was the point of wasting so much time, when they’d win anyways? But Antra obviously wouldn’t want to disrupt anything, if Brynden truly thought it was necessary.

“I can try to spend more time with you. Unless your brother needs me at every meeting.”

Obviously that wouldn’t really work out too well. At least Antra thought so. Elias was important, and she didn’t want to steal him away from meetings, since they seemed to be so crucial to Brynden. She didn’t want to take him away from that, so Antra responded by shaking her head at that, “no, it’s alright. Meetings are more important.”

"That's not true."

That made Antra smiled a little as she looked away. It was kind of him to say that, but it wasn’t really true. The meetings were much more important, in her mind, even if she would’ve liked to spend more time with Elias. They were planning out the war, after all. That decided the lives of so many and Elias should focus on that, rather than on her.

“That’s very sweet, Elias, but it is true.”

"Maybe, but I'd give anything to spend more time with you."

After he said that, Antra leant forwards to press their lips together again. His fingers stroked her hair and Antra smiled as she pulled away and kissed his cheek instead, ‘’you’re too kind.”

Their lips met again and Antra felt his hands stroke down her back and over her thighs. She smiled as she stroked her fingers through his hair and leant a bit more against him. It was good that Elias felt better now and Antra wasn’t afraid to hurt him anymore. She hated seeing him in pain, so now that everything was all good again, Antra felt a lot happier to be with him.

“You should show me Santrella one day,” Antra mumbled as she pulled away from him again.

It was a fun thought, and Antra genuinely thought she’d come to realise it one day. There wouldn’t be anything wrong with that, right? She should be allowed to travel Aedighar if she’d like to, and Santrella sounded like the first place she’d like to visit. It was mainly because of Elias, obviously, and Antra thought it would be exciting to see where he came from.

"I will. One day after the war I'll show you."
At least Antra would have confirmation then that she’d at least see him once or twice after the war. She didn’t want to lose contact with him, and though she doubted that she would, she was still afraid that they would be forced apart once the war was done. Antra never wanted to lose Elias, even if the only way to keep him in her life would be to constantly write him letters. She hoped he wouldn’t mind that.

“You’ll write me letters after the war, right?”

"Yes, and I hope you'll write to me as well,” Elias said, his fingers stroking against her cheek as he spoke.

“Of course I will. I guess my letters might end up being quite boring, though.”

Though Antra imagined that Elias’ letters would be exciting, she figured that her own might lack that. She didn’t quite know what would happen to her after the war, but Antra imagined that it would be quite dull. The only thing Antra knew for certain was that she would marry some Lord, but she doubted that Elias would want to hear about that. She didn’t really want to think about it much herself.

"Don't say that. I'll love reading them. I know they'll make me feel closer to you."

“If you say so,” Antra chuckled and leant in to kiss him again.

When Elias stood up with her in his arms, Antra thought he might carry her to the bed, but instead he sat her down on the table in front of him. She smiled and kissed him, pulling him closer to her with her legs wrapped around his hips. Knowing that soon enough this all would end, made Antra sad of course, but she was mainly just happy that she got to have this overall. She didn’t want to taint that with feeling sad about what could’ve been. What was the point of that?

 

[scoorpiuuss]

The thought of taking Antra to Santrella had been on his mind many times. Elias thought she would enjoy it, and he knew he would have loved to show her the place he called home. It was easy to imagine it. He could think of so many places he would have liked to show her, but he knew better than to get his hopes up. No matter how easy it was for him to imagine her in his arms in Santrella, he knew it was highly unlikely.

It was unrealistic. Elias wasn’t stupid enough to believe that after the war everything would be the same as it was now. It couldn’t be, and he knew that almost too well now. It wasn’t unrealistic for him to imagine sending Antra letters every day. Neither was it unrealistic to imagine himself still loving her while not seeing her. What made it difficult for him to believe it would work was the fact that she would likely be married off to some Lord after the war. He wasn’t the jealous type, but he knew he had to respect her once she would belong to someone else.

For their sake, Elias hoped they would be able to part on good terms still, and that he would be able to send her letters even if she wouldn’t be his or loving her would be wrong. But those thoughts started to stray from his mind as Antra kissed him. With his hands gripping under her thighs, he rose from the chair and let her down on the table in front of him with his hands moving up to grasp her waist. Her lips felt so perfect against his.

Now his mind was only filled with the thoughts of her and how wonderful she felt in his arms. Elias knew he would have never been able to get enough of her. Those sweet lips of her were so addicting, and he loved kissing her. His hands squeezed onto her waist as he kissed her more passionately, catching her bottom lip between his lips. Though it was difficult for him to keep his thoughts appropriate when she pulled his hips closer to hers.

Elias pulled away from the kiss then, sighing deeply, “I will hate not being able to see you when the war is over.”

"I'll hate it too. I guess there's nothing we can really do about that, though,” Antra spoke while stroking his hair.

“No, and I wouldn’t get my hopes up,” he mumbled, leaning forward to press their foreheads together.

"It'll be alright."

“I know.”

As she moved her hand to cup his cheek, Elias closed the small distance between their lips to kiss her again. Antra would forever linger on his mind no matter how far away they would be from each other. He could never imagine finding what he had shared with her in someone else. She was so special to him, and he knew she was irreplaceable. It would hurt, but he knew he wanted to enjoy her for as long as he could.

When Antra returned the kiss, Elias knew he should have pulled away. Not because he didn’t want this. In reality, she was all he wanted, but he so deeply wanted to tell her how he truly felt about her. There was no way for him to resist her. He would never be able to do that. Instead of pulling away he moved his hand up to the back of her neck, letting his fingers tangle slightly with her hair as he held her close to him.

They were already too deep in for Elias to be able to let go of her. He never wanted to forget, but Gods, he had to tell her soon. She deserved to know, but then Antra cupped his face and the urge to keep kissing her was too big. The more he kissed her, the more he knew that he had to tell her, but he didn’t want to force the words out. It had to feel right and natural, but still, he pulled away from the kiss and moved his hand back to her waist.

It didn’t seem like Antra was too happy about that as she grasped onto his shirt, pulling him back until they were kissing again. That surprised him, and he wouldn’t hide the fact that he did enjoy it, having her demand him for more kisses. Gods, it sounded pathetic, but Elias found it pleasant to think about. It was slightly inappropriate, but after everything they had shared, he wasn’t afraid of those thoughts anymore.

This time when Elias pulled away, it was to leave a trail of kisses down her jaw and against her neck. He moved slowly, taking his time to press his lips against her soft skin. At the feeling of her fingers combing through his hair, he sighed against her skin, squeezing her waist again with his thumbs pushing down against her skin over the fabric of her dress. Then he felt her pulling at his hair, and he moved away from her neck to kiss her again.

Now all he wanted was to kiss her until his lips felt raw and numb. If they were to spend the rest of the night kissing each other, Elias wouldn’t complain. Because he had missed her, he didn’t mind what they’d spend the night doing. As long as he was with her, he would be happy. Antra seemed to be happy as well. That only made it more difficult for him to stop as he moved his hands beneath her thighs again to carry her in his arms.

Elias made his way over to his bed, stopping by the edge of it. With Antra still in his arms, he sat down against it, keeping her close to him while his lips still moved against hers. His hands moved to stroke over her hips and up her sides, stopping at her waist again as he pulled her even closer to him. He couldn’t stop now, even if he should have because he so desperately wanted to tell her how much he loved her.

 

[desti]

Moving on.
Chapter LXXXIX
House Wynver
Forwards From Beneath
Wheldrake, Crownlands of Aedighar
​

It was strange being so alone once again. Though still Alys thought that it had been the right decision to stay away from Trevas for now. Along with that, she didn’t attempt to speak to his daughter either, since that sounded stupid if Alys wanted to decide on everything purely by herself. For all she knew, Ashara could just tell her things Trevas would want her to hear, and Alys didn’t want that.

Once she calmed down from the initial shock and disgust, Alys found it easier to think through things. Obviously, she was still absolutely repulsed by what Trevas had done and she didn’t plan on forgetting all of that, but Alys knew she needed to move on from it. Right now, her own safety and her child’s was the most important things of all for her. As much as she hated to admit it, Alys did need Trevas and so did their child.

After realising that, Alys was just hesitating to give Trevas her decision on things. Additionally, she wanted to see what would happen if she’d drag it out longer. It seemed obvious that Trevas wanted to get back on her good side, considering that even when he wasn’t near her, he still cared for her in numerous ways. Alys appreciated all of it, but she wasn’t sure if he was just trying to make it easier for him to come back or if it was genuine.

For now, though, Alys didn’t want to think about it. All she knew was that she wanted to get it over with. Alys hadn’t spoken to him nor truly seen him over the weeks, and it was starting to feel strange. Though she hadn’t really had the urge to see him, anyways. Now it had to be done, though, because Alys imagined that if she’d drag it out any longer, then there’d be nothing to salvage.

Her feelings had been terribly hurt by him, and Alys hoped he realised that. She didn’t know if she truly felt anything towards him anymore like she used to, but Alys didn’t want to cloud her mind with such thoughts. Trevas would be the father of her child, and Alys needed him by her side, even if she felt nothing towards him. It was a shitty bargain, but Alys figured that there wasn’t anything else to do. She couldn’t possibly ignore him for the rest of her life.

At first Alys wanted to find Trevas herself, then she changed her mind. Afterwards, she wanted to write him a note, but that sounded so silly to her that she dropped that idea immediately. Alys decided that the best way and the least likely way for her to chicken out of it was to send someone else to Trevas.

The first person that came into Alys’ mind was one of her handmaidens. Since Trevas wasn’t here, Alys had grown used to asking her handmaidens to sleep in the bed with her for comfort. It wasn’t as nice as being in Trevas’ arms, but it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Alys usually asked a slim, tall girl to stay with her, as she seemed to be the nicest and kindest of them all. Therefore Alys asked her one evening to go and find Trevas.

When the girl left, Alys wanted to run after her and tell her that she changed her mind. Instead, she forced herself to stay put and sat down on the edge of the bed instead. It was stupid for her to be so indecisive when she knew that this was the right choice, but Alys couldn’t help it. As she fumbled with her hands, Alys kept thinking that perhaps she should leave before Trevas would show up, but too soon did she hear a knock on the door and her plans of escape were effectively ruined.

It felt like her body was stiff and filled with lead as Alys rose from the bed and walked towards the door. She hesitated slightly while she tried to compose herself as to not look so worried and upset. Alys reached for the doorknob and twisted it before pulling on it, which seemed like the hardest task in her whole life. Her eyes first landed on his chest and Alys didn’t really look anywhere else before she walked back into the room so that Trevas could come inside.

Whenever Alys thought about getting Trevas back in her life, she never really thought about what to say to him when he’d inevitably come back. Somehow that part always slipped out of her mind. Now Alys was lost as to what to say, and she just listened to the door close and to Trevas’ footsteps before she finally mustered up the courage she needed to turn around and look at him directly.

“Trevas.”

“Alys.”

As Trevas said her name, he took a step towards her. Alys stood her ground, even if Trevas was terribly intimidating to be around, she wasn’t afraid of him. Saying his name was the best Alys could’ve come up with, though, and now she was once again lost as to what to say. She dug through her mind in an effort to think of something, but everything sounded stupid or meaningless.

"I've been so worried about you."

“Well, I’ve been just fine. Thank you.”

"That's good."

“I’ve thought about everything.”

"And what do you think?"

Alys thought that she didn’t really have much of a choice in the matter, if she wanted to be a good mother. A part of her wanted to shield her child from him, simply because she didn’t know if he would be capable of being a good father, knowing everything that she knew. But Alys knew that it was too overprotective of her, and that her child would need a father. If Trevas would do something out of line, though, Alys wouldn’t hesitate to put a stop to it.

“I need you.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Once Trevas had longed for loneliness. The never-ending silence of his own company had always been what he preferred. It was peaceful. All he would hear were the calming sounds of the sea as he drifted off into his mind. Privacy was something he appreciated, something he longed for. But ever since Alys had stepped into his life, everything that once had been a part of his routine were now slipping through his fingers, changing his mind, his perspective and needs. A strange sensation, neither good or bad. Just strange.

Endless days had passed, and soon enough a month has gone by, and Trevas hadn’t seen Alys. If he would have wanted to he could have forced himself into their bedchamber, forced her to look at him, but he avoided her, just like she avoided him. He told himself he was doing it out of respect. It was only right of him to stay away from her after everything he had done to her. He wasn’t dumb enough to think he deserved anything from her.

There were only a few days Trevas would feel the need to do something. He became restless, his mind filled with worries and his body longing for company instead of privacy. Those days he would make sure Alys remembered that he was still waiting for her. Every night he’d reassure himself that there would be a day where she would be ready to speak to him, and he knew that day he would have to be ready to speak to her as well.

After so many years of loneliness, it should have been easy for Trevas to let go of the thought of Alys, but he found himself wanting her comfort, her approval and forgiveness. He blamed that on the child. Knowing that she was carrying his child in her belly made him worry so much about her. The more he thought about that child, the more he wanted to see her and make sure everything was okay with her. He craved her forgiveness more than anything else, no matter if he deserved it or not. This was their child, and he wanted to be a good father.

As much as Trevas wanted to prove himself worthy to Alys, he knew he had Ashara to take care of as well. He worried about her as well, and the bastard she was carrying. Bastard or not, he knew he had to take responsibility for Ashara’s mistakes. He also knew he would genuinely care for the bastard because he already did. Nearly every day he would make sure Ashara was doing okay, spending much more time with her to prove that he cared.

With the war and Alys in the back of his mind though, Trevas still found it difficult to be as caring as he would have liked to be. Some days would be more difficult than other where his mind would be too clouded to do anything. They were losing. Knowing that and also knowing that both Alys and Ashara were with child was stressful. How would he keep them safe? He doubted the Northerners would have mercy on them.

There was one person who had once tried to support and comfort him through his worries, and he had failed her. Trevas knew he needed Alys more than ever, but he had to be so patient. No matter how patient he found himself, the more days that passed, the more he started to believe that this was hopeless. Alys would never want to speak to him again. She didn’t want him to be the father of her child, and somehow Trevas understood that.

It had surprised Trevas when a handmaiden of Alys had informed him that she was requesting him at their bedchamber. Was she going to tell him that she never wanted to see him again? He knew his stupidity and selfishness wouldn’t let that happen, but if that would be what she wanted, then he had to respect it. After everything, he owed her that much. She deserved so much better, but he didn’t want to let her go.

Seeing Alys again made his heart race in his chest. Trevas felt at a loss of words once he stood in their bedchamber for the first time since the truth had been shared. Pleasantries wouldn’t get him anywhere, but he wasn’t sure how to handle the situation even if he had gotten a month to think things through. He almost felt a little intimidated with Alys. She had made him vulnerable, and that frightened him.

“I need you.”

While Trevas had thought Alys would push him away, she said those three words, and he felt his heart drop to his stomach. He wanted to be there for her so badly. He wanted to prove that he was trying to get better and put his past behind him. What he had done was still horrible, but he never wanted to fall into those habits again. All he wanted was to be able to move on and earn her forgiveness and trust the right way, not through lies.

“I want to be here for you.”

''I'm going to give you a chance.''

“I won’t take it for granted.”

''Don't make me regret this.''

That was the last thing Trevas wanted, for Alys to regret her decision to give him a chance. One chance was all he needed to either prove to himself and her that he was a better man or fuck it all up again for good. But with the thought of the child in his mind, he knew he had to do better. Their child didn’t deserve to be born into a marriage built on lies, and Trevas was hopeful that he would be able to make it work. It had to.

“I promise I won’t.”

"I hope so."

Trevas watched her as Alys moved to sit down at the edge of the bed. Perhaps he should have stayed away from her, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t like him to long for something like that, but everything was different now. She knew the truth, and she was carrying his child, and Trevas could stay away then. He walked over to her, sitting down beside her with his gaze on her. She was still as beautiful as ever with a pretty glow to her cheeks.

“I am so sorry, Alys. All this pain I have caused you and everyone else, none of you deserved it.”

 

[desti]

If Alys didn’t have the child to worry about, then perhaps she wouldn’t have found it so easy to move on from what had happened. She wanted to be angry with Trevas, scream at him and tell him how stupid he was, but she couldn’t really do that now. Alys imagined that she would just have to deal with this and with him, whether or not she liked it. She’d try to not to make a scene out of it and be overly dramatic.

“I am so sorry, Alys. All this pain I have caused you and everyone else, none of you deserved it.”

Trevas was absolutely right for once, because nobody around him deserved what he had done. Gods, it was fucking vile and Alys had no idea how one person could do so much harm. Especially to his own family. That alone made Alys want to stay on his good side and not end up just another person he decided to get rid of. That didn’t exactly sound like a lot of fun.

Now he was sitting next to her on the bed, and Alys tried not to scoot away from him. She could feel his eyes on her and that only made her look at her fingers as she played around with one of her rings. Alys thought it would get easier over time to get back to normalcy, or whatever that would be now. For now, though, she was still too wary of him to truly feel comfortable around him again.

“You’re right. We didn’t deserve it.”

"I shouldn't have done it."

Obviously, and any sane person would’ve realised that. Trevas obviously lacked that if he ever thought that what he had done was acceptable and good. It really just hurt Alys’ head to think about it and she knew that she might just end up arguing with him again. That would do neither of them any good, and Alys would try to calm herself down before things would get out of hand.

“But you did.”

"I know, but I'm trying to do better now."

That wouldn’t erase what he’d done in the past, but at least that would mean that he wouldn’t repeat his mistakes. At least Alys wished that would be true. She didn’t want to be fearful of the future, and she wanted to trust him again, she wanted to like him again, even if she didn’t want to admit that to herself or much less to him. Alys genuinely hoped he was honest right now and that he would do better.

“I hope so.”

"I want to be a good father to our child, Alys."

“And I want my child to have a good father, so…”

When Alys saw his hand come towards her, she wanted to move away, but instead she let him touch her chin and raise her head so that she would look at him. She wanted to pull away, but at the same time his touch felt so forgotten yet nice, and Alys couldn’t get herself to get rid of it. It made her ashamed of herself, but she did miss his company, even if she had been angry with him.

"I will be a good father to this child."

“Good. I won’t allow you to be a bad one.”

"I want to earn your trust, Alys. I won't be a bad father."

“Great,” Alys mumbled half-heartedly as she turned her head away from him again.

"Does this mean I get to stay here now?"
Alys shrugged a little, “if you want to.”

If Trevas would stay, then Alys would just have to try and be comfortable again. She really hoped that it wouldn’t take too long for her. Perhaps she could shove a handmaiden between them when they slept, but Alys imagined that Trevas might not like that.

"I want to take care of you."
“Do that then.”

Alys watched as Trevas took her hand and stroked his thumb over it. Her mind kept racing with thoughts of all kinds of outcomes this could have, and she could barely feel his touch against her skin. Alys wondered if she would ever feel as good around him as she once had, and at that moment she couldn’t figure out an answer to that.

"I missed you."

It was almost nice to hear that, though Alys was focusing too much on the tone of his voice to try and figure out if he was lying or not. Still, she nodded a little at that, which probably wasn’t the answer he was hoping for, but she didn’t have anything to say to that. Alys missed certain things about him, but she wasn’t sure if she truly missed Trevas himself.

At the same time, it didn’t seem like Trevas was very confident either. He was so hesitant with everything he was doing, or at least so it seemed to Alys. Trevas pulled his hand away from her and wrapped it around her, pulling her closer to him. Again, Alys endured it and didn’t move away from him, even if she would’ve liked to. Eventually, she’d have to get used to all of this again, there was no point of pulling away.

Though it was making her slightly uncomfortable, Alys craved touch so badly that she just went along with it. She was really just too weak to resist it, even if she didn’t truly want it to come from him. Trevas moved her closer and Alys leant against his shoulder while she tried to relax and not be so tense about it all.

"I should tell you something."

That made Alys sick to her stomach again. Great, it was happening again. It made her frustrated with him again and she already assumed the worst, that it must be yet another horrible, vile secret of Trevas’. Alys pulled away then before looking at him, “what?”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Being affectionate wasn’t in his nature. Trevas had once loved the sensation of being touched. It hadn’t been awkward or uncomfortable. He had found it to be comforting and reassuring. That was so many years ago now, and every move he made towards Alys felt awkward. It was helpful to think about what she had tried to do for him. He was trying to mimic the affection she had once showed him, but he felt helpless. Though his attempt to comfort her was genuine, it was likely it didn’t come off like that because of how hesitant he was to everything.

Even his words felt awkward. Trevas wasn’t sure what to tell Alys. It wasn’t difficult to understand her distant behaviour towards him after what he had done to her, but it did leave him feeling lost. Though she had given him a chance, it seemed as if she wanted nothing to do with him. He felt like he was reaching for someone who didn’t want to take his hand and accept his attempts. What was he supposed to do?

With Ashara it was somewhat easier, but Trevas was her father. It wasn’t a surprise that she was more accepting towards his attempts than Alys who had only known him for so long. He knew he couldn’t give up even if she was distant, and he imagined he could start by being honest with her. Now he wasn’t sure if Ashara would appreciate his honesty towards Alys, but he felt as if his wife deserved to know what was going on in his life.

Though it seemed like Alys was almost frightened as he mentioned that he should tell her something. She pulled away from him, and Trevas frowned a little as he met her gaze. He understood her fears, and perhaps she did have the right to be afraid of what he was about to tell her. There were two things she needed to know, and one of those things weren’t as pleasant as the other. Still, Trevas had to tell her. She deserved to know.

“I once had a guard, Sir Rowan. He died in the trial of combat Katlyn requested,” Trevas said, his gaze still lingering on Alys while she seemed to look disappointed, or frustrated? He wasn’t sure, but he knew he had to tell her either way, “Ashara is carrying his bastard.”

"What?"

“They were lovers.”

"Your daughter and your guard."

“Yes.”

It wasn’t right. Trevas knew that very well, and he had been disappointed with Ashara for not understanding the consequences, but he couldn’t hate his daughter for it. That didn’t feel right either. He still felt the need to scold her for it, but that would only cause more problems. It was for the better to be supportive and protective over Ashara and her bastard. But it didn’t seem like Alys agreed with those thoughts as she turned away from him.

“I wasn’t aware of it until recently.”

"How did you not know something like that?"

“Does it matter?”

"Yes, actually."

“I didn’t tell you this to argue over why I didn’t know or the fact that my daughter slept with my guard. I told you this because I want you to know I am letting her keep her bastard.”

No matter what Alys would think of that, Trevas didn’t care. If she wanted to criticise him for his choices when it came to Ashara, she could, but he wouldn’t listen. He knew how much Ashara wanted to keep her bastard, and he didn’t want to be the bad person in her life anymore and take that away from her. Regardless of her child being a bastard, it was still a child, his grandchild. Trevas didn’t want to argue about that, and he was glad that it seemed Alys understood as she didn’t answer. The last thing he wanted was another argument.

“I am supporting her, and I am going to protect her bastard, no matter if you perhaps think that is wrong.”

Though Alys stayed quiet, and now Trevas wasn’t sure to think. In his mind, he saw this as his way of making everything better for Ashara. It did seem like she appreciated it, and that made Trevas happy. Though he didn’t care what Alys thought about that, he found himself curious when she didn’t answer. Instead of asking though, he reached for her hand, and when she let him take it, he laced their fingers together.

“What’s wrong?”

As Alys shook her head, Trevas sighed, “tell me.”

"I don't want to argue with you."

“I won’t get angry.”

"But I will and I don't want to."

“There’s another thing I need to tell you as well.”

"Great."

It was again understandable that Alys didn’t sound too happy about that, but there was nothing Trevas could do about it. At least he was being honest with her and trying to involve her in his life. He wanted to treat her as his wife, and as his wife, she deserved to know what was going on. Now he only hoped they wouldn’t start arguing over this as well. He really didn’t want her to be angry with him.

“We’re losing the war.”

 

[desti]

It was hard to wrap her mind around what Trevas told her. Obviously Alys still didn’t really know Ashara one bit, but she hadn’t exactly expected that. It was such a blow that she truly needed a moment to compose herself. The more Trevas told her about the situation, the more she wanted to yell at him, but she tried to keep herself calm. In her mind, she was counting and trying to relax, which helped her somewhat to not burst out in anger.

How could a father not notice something like that? If the guard was her lover, then Alys imagined it’d been going on for quite some time. No matter how foolishly romantic it sounded, it was wrong and Trevas should’ve known about it. Did he truly know nothing about the lives of his own daughters? Again, Alys began counting as she took deep breaths so that she wouldn’t let her frustrations get the better of herself.

Somehow, the news about the war was somewhat easier to take in. Alys had heard whispers around the castle about how Wheldrake would be raped by the Northmen soon enough. She didn’t believe them at first, but then it began harder and harder to ignore. Alys knew that they’d lost some battles, but she hadn’t imagined that they were losing the war as a whole.

Finally, Alys looked at Trevas again. Now that his family life was out of her mind, it was easier to look at him and not grow too angry at him. It must’ve been because of the Western army retreating that they were doing so poorly, right? Even Alys knew how strong those soldiers were, so it must’ve been the loss of them that caused them to suffer in the battlefield.

“What does that mean?”

"I'm not sure yet."

What would happen if the Northmen would reach Wheldrake? Alys didn’t know if the city could stand an attack and what would happen once the attacked would breach its walls. Would they all be killed by Lord Brynden or would Alys and her child be spared? She didn’t imagine that they’d let Trevas’ heir live, and that made her stomach turn.

“What if they take the city?”

"We could escape."

That was the coward’s way out and Alys didn’t like it one bit. She realised that it would be the safest option for her child, but where would they go? How could they go and leave their home? Alys thought that was a horrible idea, and yet it seemed realistic enough, because she doubted the Northmen would be up to discuss things the civil way.

“That’s cowardly.”

"I know, but I wouldn't want you or Ashara to be here if that happens. You could die."

That made Alys look down at her lap, and she began to feel the fear creep up on her. It was like it was taking over her and making her think horrible, horrible things that could happen. She’d heard enough about the Northmen to think harshly of them and to not expect any kindness from them towards her. Alys didn’t want to die or be hurt. She was still so young, she wasn’t ready to leave this world just yet.

“I don’t want to die.”

"I don't want that either."

Thinking all of this was scaring Alys so badly. She feared that it would all become reality soon, because if they were losing it was inevitable. Suddenly, Alys felt so cold and she wanted to wrap her arms around herself, but instead she stayed with her hands in her lap as she stared at them in order to try to push all those horrid thoughts out of her mind.

Now his arm around her felt nice and Alys didn’t hesitate to lean against him and wrap her own arms around his middle while she tried to seek comfort out of him. Thoughts of her own pain and death, and her child’s safety kept pushing their way into her mind, and Alys closed her eyes in an effort to stop them from coming. It didn’t really help, though.

While his hand was stroking against her back, Alys pushed her face against his chest while she tried to calm herself down without really succeeding at all. That would mean she wouldn’t be Queen anymore either, right? Even though it was so terribly boring, Alys would miss that too. She didn’t want to lose the comfort that Wheldrake offered her, but soon it would be taken away from her.

"I'll protect you."

“And what if you can’t?”

"Then you and Ashara will have to escape."

Couldn’t she just go to her parents again? Just live with them, quiet and easy. Though that seemed about as foolish as staying in Wheldrake. Gods, she felt sick. Desperately, Alys clung onto him as she pushed closer against him as though that would somehow save her from her possible fate. Though it did offer her comfort, she still couldn’t stop the tears from flooding out from her.

Though Trevas was trying to comfort her, it didn’t really stop Alys from crying. She couldn’t really help it, as everything just kept getting worse and worse. If she would’ve never gotten married to him, then this would’ve all never happened. Then she would be safe and happy back at home. Alys hadn’t done anything to deserve this. It was so very unfair for all of this to happen to her.

Then Trevas pulled her to sit in his lap, and Alys wrapped her arms around his neck as she nuzzled her face against it. She wanted so desperately to be happy, but it just wasn’t working out and that made her more upset. It really just was a vicious cycle.

"Don't be afraid, Alys."

Not being afraid would be stupid and impossible. There were men marching south that wished to see them dead, and Alys knew that it would be too easy for them to get what they wanted. If she didn’t care about herself or her child, then perhaps she wouldn’t be so afraid, but as it was she was petrified.

“But I am and I will be.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Attempting not to appear awkward was rather difficult for Trevas, but he tried to focus on comforting Alys rather than letting his mind fill with irrational worries. He understood that it frightened her. They were losing the war. Many people would die because of it, and he knew it was very likely he’d lose the throne to the Northerners. That angered him. Though he was trying to be better for his family, he still yearned for control. Having control over Aedighar felt powerful, and he loved it. He didn’t feel like Lord Brynden deserved that.

There was also the aspect of protecting his family. Trevas felt angry or frustrated because he knew there was a big chance he would lose everything he was trying to build up. Perhaps he should have written to Lord Baldor again, asked for his army, but he knew he didn’t have anything to offer the Lord. A place in court perhaps, but Trevas wasn’t fond of the Lord, and the thought of seeing him again disgusted him.

The Westerners were weak-minded people with strong warriors. He would never understand how Lord Baldor could have such a strong force of men fighting for him. In the end, though, it didn’t matter. What Trevas had to do was figure out a way to protect Alys and Ashara, and as of right now all he could imagine was getting them to Aysenore. They would be safe there, at least safe from Lord Brynden and his men. Gods, Trevas felt furious with the Northman, and it only motivated him to find a way to protect his family and the city.

With his arms holding Alys so close to him, Trevas was attempting to comfort himself as well. He was still prone to letting anger get the better of him, but he didn’t want to get angry with Alys. She didn’t deserve that. She was just afraid, and she had every right to be. That fear was rational, and though he wished she wasn’t scared, he knew she would have been foolish for not feeling frightened. He understood that.

“I know. I’m sorry that we’re losing this war. I should have been more prepared.”

Hearing her sobs didn’t make it easier for Trevas to calm down. He wasn’t angry with Alys. He was angry with himself. Now he could have needed the Hastwycks, now he could have needed the Brynes, but he didn’t want to work with either of them. They were both horrible in their own ways, and he realised that he had no one to support him with useful resources. What he could do was gather as many men from the city as possible.

Instead of thinking too much about strategy as they sat there, Trevas still attempted to comfort Alys. He stroked his hand over her back and her hair, in the end, moving his hand to tangle a little with her hair as he stroked the back of her head. He wanted her to feel comforted so badly, but he wasn’t sure how.

"How far away are they?"

“I’m not sure. In the East somewhere.”

Alys nodded and pulled away from him, but Trevas kept his gaze on her. It slightly pained him to see her so distraught, but it pained him more that he didn’t know how to help her. He felt helpless when it came to her, but he didn’t want to give up on her either. Though it would have been easy for him to fall back into his habits, he knew he couldn’t. It wasn’t right, and he was doing so well now. He couldn’t ruin that.

“What do you think I should do?”

"I don't know. Is there anything you can do?"

“Gather as many men as I can from the city, but I suppose I can’t trust that they would be loyal to me. Try to get the West back, but I don’t want that.”

"So there isn't really anything you can do."

“No.”

That simple word seemed to make Alys more upset. He wished there was something he could do, but it didn’t seem like there was. Perhaps this was the work of the Gods, giving him what he deserved for all his mistakes. He knew he deserved to die, even if he wanted to stay on the throne with the power in his hands. But Alys and Ashara didn’t deserve to die. Though he doubted the Northerners would care about that.

“I’m sorry.”

"I guess we don't have much time left here."

“As the King and Queen, no. But you could start somewhere new, live your life somewhere else as the Lady of house Wynver.”

"With you?"

“I don’t know. I should stay with my men and defend the city.”

"You should, but what if you die?"

It wasn’t the thought of death that made Trevas furious about war. Again, death was what he deserved, but losing the throne made him angry. In the end, death didn’t frighten him as he knew that once that day would come, he could finally put his past behind him and move on. Then he wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone again. It was complicated, but he wouldn’t care too much if he died. He cared more about Ashara and Alys then.

“Don’t I deserve that after everything I have done?”

"Maybe. But I don't want to be alone."

“You’ll have our child and Ashara,” Trevas sighed as he raised his hand to cup her cheek.