Fantasy Aedighar [closed]

[scoorpiuuss]

It should have felt wrong to genuinely have fun with him. Aryana wasn’t sure what to think of it. The right thing would have been to trust him and give him her forgiveness. Then their marriage wouldn’t become miserable and built on lies and lack of trust. It was clear to see that they had common interests, and Brynden was making her laugh. Those were positive things. Good things. She wanted to be stubborn and hate him for what he had done, but he wasn’t making it easy for her. Gods, it made her feel pathetic. She was too kind to him.

When her father had chosen Brynden, he must have had her best interest at heart. He wouldn’t choose a man for her that would treat her unfairly and who would disrespect her. Everyone made mistakes, and though Brynden had made a few, Aryana knew she couldn’t hold grudges forever. She longed for happiness and love. Those were things she wanted to get from him as he was to be her husband one day.

Aryana once again found herself recalling what Antra had told her. Brynden wasn’t a bad man, perhaps a bit foolish and clueless when it came to certain things, but he wasn’t cruel. If anything it was she who had been cruel when she had stabbed him, but that was a memory she wished to forget. One day she would forgive him, that she was certain of, but even though that wouldn’t be today, she wanted to enjoy his company. There was no harm in doing that. She would perhaps just feel closer to him, and he would feel closer to her.

“One day I’ll be by your side, hopefully. Then perhaps it won’t be so horrible,” she said sweetly, squeezing onto his arm slightly.

"Perhaps. Are you interested in politics?"

“I find it interesting, but it can also be quite boring.”

Politics could be fun, but it all depended on the topic. Aryana did care about the war through some aspects, and she did understand the basis of politics. Though she hadn’t been much involved in it. She assumed that soon enough when she would marry Brynden, she would be in the middle of it, surrounded by people whispering in her ear. Most of it would likely be mere gossip, and then certain things would be important.

"Very boring,” Brynden chuckled.

“But I do care about the people. Politics are important for that, even if it can be very boring.”

"That's true. If you want to care about your people, then you have to get through even the most boring of meetings."

“I am sure it is all worth it.”

"In the end, yes."

And in the end, Aryana wasn’t sure what to expect from her marriage to Brynden. She would be living with wealth and influence, but would it be stressful? There was also the aspect of heirs, children she would have to give him. Before she had dreaded the thought of that, imagining spending her wedding night with him like that. Now she wasn’t sure what to think, but she knew for certain that she did want children. Of course she did.

“When I was younger I never really thought about where I would be in the future.”

"Did it not matter to you?"

“I was more mesmerised with the aspect of love. I knew I wanted to love someone, but that was all I really thought about. All that really mattered.”

"So power, wealth, all of those things didn't really interest you?"

“I have never been interested in those things.”

"That's admirable."

Aryana stopped then, turning to face Brynden. Her hands were resting against his chest now, her fingers tracing along the stitching of his clothes. Then she looked up at him with a smile. He returned the smile, and she felt his hands move to her wrists. It didn’t matter that she would be wealthy. She wanted to be loved by him. Not that she was ready for that yet, but one day she hoped. She stepped closer to him then, enjoying his presence.

“Family and love will always be the most important things to me.”

"I agree."

Slowly she stroked her hands up, his hands staying on her wrists as she moved them to cup his face. Her cold fingers stroked against his cheeks as she leaned up, closing her eyes before kissing him. He kissed her back, and Aryana leaned forward to press her chest against his, feeling how the kiss spread a sudden warmth through her body. It felt both wrong and right, but most of all it felt good. Now that they were away from camp and they were alone, it was much easier for her to enjoy this. No one would come to bother them.

Then she pulled away, keeping the kiss short and sweet. Brynden looked at her with a smile, making her smile back. Would it be so difficult to be happy with him? Perhaps not, and Aryana was suddenly glad she had agreed to get away from camp with him. She stroked her thumbs over his cheeks, almost wanting to comfort him even though they both looked happy. It felt nice when he stroked her wrists with his thumbs. It was as if they were comforting each other, and Aryana felt at ease with herself for a moment then.

“I’m glad I agreed to spend time with you, Brynden.”

 

[desti]

While Brynden did enjoy having the wealth that he had, he had to agree with Aryana that love and family were the most important things of all. Without that, Brynden surely wouldn’t know what to do. He was glad that Aryana agreed with him, because that meant they were looking for the same things. Apparently, that made Aryana happy too, because she ended up kissing him afterwards.

It was short, but sweet and Brynden kept his hands resting gently on her wrists as he watched her, smiling a little. He felt happy now, at ease with himself and her. Brynden forgot about how guilty and undeserving he felt, and all he could think about was how nice her company truly was. He was also very much glad that she decided to agree to go with him, rather than decline his offer.

“I’m glad too,” Brynden smiled, moving one of his hands away from her wrist so he could stroke her hair instead.

"I prefer this over staying at the camp."

“Perhaps we can do this more often then.”

“I’d like that.”

Maybe that meant that Brynden would have to cancel more meetings for her. That thought didn’t excite him too much, because he knew they were important. He’d try to schedule them so that he’d have a few free days to spend with her, though. That sounded like a good idea, and Brynden thought that Aryana would appreciate that. She must’ve seen that he was trying.

“I’ll find you whenever I have some free time.”

"I'll be patient."

“It’ll be a lot easier when the war is over,” Brynden nodded, pulling his hand away from her hand and dropping his arm by his side.

"Don't worry, I understand."

“Good,” he smiled and leant forwards to press his lips against her forehead for a second.

"You're a good man, Brynden. I will get over your mistakes one day, and I promise I will give you the chance to try to do better."

That was what he needed. Then Brynden could truly make Aryana happy, and that was his goal now. He wanted her to be happy, not miserable with him. Brynden wasn’t sure if she’d ever truly love him, but that was alright as long as Aryana didn’t absolutely hate him. He would try his best to be a good man, and not make another stupid mistake like he had before.

“Thank you. I won’t fuck up again. I promise.”

Again, Aryana kissed him. While one of his hands still stayed on her wrist, Brynden moved his other one to cup her cheek. He enjoyed kissing her a lot, it was so sweet and nice, and Brynden wanted to do it as often as he could. Though Brynden didn’t even dare to think of something more at the moment. Aryana pulled him closer to her by his clothes, and Brynden chuckled a little at that.

In return, Brynden moved his hand away from her wrist and to her waist. When Aryana kissed him more passionately, it became hard not to think of some inappropriate thoughts, though. Brynden could think them, if he wanted to, but he couldn’t really do anything about it. For now, he had to understand that and deal with it. It shouldn’t be too hard.

By her waist, Brynden pulled her a bit closer to him, stroking his thumb against her cheekbone. There was a sigh from Aryana at that, and her hand moved into his hair. Before too many thoughts would rush into his brain, Brynden pulled away from her lips slightly, smiling a little at her. When Aryana pulled away from him, Brynden wanted to pull her back, but he resisted and instead dropped both of his arms by his sides.

“Do you want to head back to camp?”

"I wouldn't want to take too much of your time. Perhaps that is for the best."

“I wouldn’t mind, but we can go back,” Brynden smiled.

"If you aren't busy I can stay with you for a little longer at camp."

“I’d like that.”

Perhaps Aryana could stay the night again. Though Brynden hadn’t really slept that night, he had enjoyed holding her in his arms. It made him feel comfortable, and he thought that Aryana had liked it as well. Brynden would like to repeat that, but he also didn’t want to get his hopes up. Maybe they wouldn’t sleep in the same bed again until their wedding day.

"Let us do that then."

At that, Brynden nodded and held out his arm for her to take. Aryana took it and Brynden began walking back into the direction of the camp. He thought that he could get used to this - going away from everything for a few moments with Aryana. It was so peaceful and nice, and for once his thoughts weren’t too bad. Brynden felt happy around her now, and he liked that a lot.

“Is there anything you’d like to know?”

"Do you regret all of this? The war and everything?"

“I regret what has happened, but I think the war was our only chance for justice.”

If he wouldn’t have started the war, if he would’ve bent the knee, then things would be different. Mother might’ve been given back to them, Rhea would be alive, but the King would still rule over Aedighar unjustly, father would’ve never gotten justice for what had been done to him. Would that have been better? Both options that had been given to Brynden had good sides and bad sides, and he never wanted to find out if he had made the right decision that day.

"Do you think it will be worth it in the end?"

“I don’t know. I just want this all to end. Everyone’s suffered enough.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

At the topic of war, Aryana was still conflicted of what to think of it. The motives behind it were good enough for her to understand. She had no ill thoughts regarding Brynden when it came to his decision to start a war, and she was glad that her father had put the Northerners and Easterners past behind him and supported Brynden. To think that Brynden and her would unite the North and the East for the first time in many years sounded somewhat nice. Finally they would be allied, and their children would have Northern and Eastern blood.

No matter if Aryana would come to change her mind about the wedding and grow angry with Brynden again, it was her duty to marry him. She had no choice, but she was thankful that it seemed like her life wouldn’t be as miserable as she had thought it would be. In the end, it was the war that had brought them together, and if she were to end up loving Brynden, she would be thankful for the war as well.

Though love was important to Aryana, she wasn’t sure if she would ever learn to love Brynden. She could for sure like him and admire him, but love seemed like so much more than that. It was far too early to know that yet, and she didn’t want to worry her head with the thoughts of love and marriage when that was still so far away. They would have to win the war first before she could start to worry about it.

“Hopefully it will be over soon,” Aryana sighed.

"It will be. The King will die for his crimes and Aedighar will be peaceful."

“I’m sure your family is very proud of you, Brynden.”

"I don't know,” he mumbled.

“Why wouldn’t they be?”

There was no doubt that his family must have been proud of him. Aryana wished she could have gotten closer to his mother and Rhea, gotten to know them before they passed, but she was certain that they were proud of him. His father must have been proud of him as well. Perhaps it was all wishful thinking from her, but she couldn’t imagine them being disappointed with him. Why would they have followed him then?

"They've suffered a lot because of me,” Brynden shrugged.

“They have no reason to blame you for their suffering. I’m sure they don’t.”

"It is my fault, though."

“Is it your fault that the King killed your father?”

"No. Or maybe it is. I could've told him not to go to Wheldrake."

“Brynden, stop that. It isn’t good for you.”

Now it was clear that Brynden was attempting to carry all the blame for the tragedies that had happened. There was no way that his father's death was his fault. Aryana didn’t understand how he could blame himself for that. How could it possibly be his fault? The King was behind all of this. Had they been blessed with a good King then none of this would have happened. It wasn’t Brynden’s fault.

"But it is the truth."

“No. It isn’t your fault. It will never be your fault.”

When Brynden shook his head, Aryana stopped. She stepped in front of him, cupping his face once again to force him to meet her gaze. It almost angered her to hear him blame himself like that. He should have been proud. He had gotten so far, and though he had lost so much, she didn’t doubt that his family would still be proud of him. It didn’t seem like anyone else blamed him for what had happened. Why should he blame himself?

“Brynden…”

Their gaze met and Aryana heard him sigh quietly before she spoke again, “this isn’t your fault.”

"It is. Mother and Rhea died because of my mistakes."

“Would they want you to blame yourself?”

"I don't know what they want. They're dead because of me, that's what matters."

“I don’t blame myself for my mother’s death, dying as she brought me into this world. If I did my life would be miserable, knowing I had her blood on my hands,” Aryana snapped, “would you blame me for her death just like you blame yourself for your mother and sister’s death?”

Aryana pulled away from him, taking a step back. Hearing how Brynden blamed himself for everything wasn’t making her very happy. If anything it was only upsetting her. She understood how easy it could be for him to blame himself, but truly it wasn’t his fault just like it wasn’t her fault for her mother's death. How could he ever be a happy man if he would go the rest of his life carrying the blame of their deaths? That didn’t sound healthy.

"That wasn't something you could've controlled. I made mistakes that ultimately cost them their life. I could've done things differently and they would still be here. You cannot say the same."

“Now we’re arguing. I’ll go back to my tent alone, Lord Brynden,” Aryana sighed before turning away from him.

“Aryana.”

A hand touched her back, keeping her from walking away from him. They were both so stubborn. One moment they would be kissing and the other they were arguing about who to blame. Aryana felt so pathetic then, foolish even as she stood there. What had she expected? She sighed again, looking down at the ground beneath her as she wondered if she should walk away, or speak to him.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled quietly.

 

[desti]

Of course Brynden blamed himself for their deaths. Even he realised that it was pointless to blame himself for father’s passing, though. He could say that perhaps he would’ve been able to stop them from going to Wheldrake, but he doubted that would’ve happened. It was easy to think such things, though. Think about how the words he had said that day might’ve stopped what had happened.

Rhea and mother, though… they were clearly his fault. Sarisa had said so as well, he remembered that. Brynden knew it was his fault, because the mistakes he had made lead to their demise. He could’ve prevented it from happening, but he hadn’t. Brynden didn’t want that to haunt him for the rest of his life, but he was afraid that it might just do exactly that. It didn’t seem like Aryana enjoyed this conversation, though.

The last thing Brynden wanted now was to make her angry at him again. He wanted to keep their conversation going, but now he had managed to fuck it up again. He hadn’t meant to make her upset or angry or whatever the fuck she felt right now, but it had happened anyways. At least when Brynden touched her, Aryana didn’t leave without him, instead she apologised for some reason.

“You have nothing to apologise for,” Brynden mumbled, as he stroked his hand up to rest on her shoulder as he took a step forwards so that he’d be standing almost beside her.

"I didn't mean to get angry."

“It’s fine. We should probably talk about something else, though,” Brynden said, stroking his fingers against her shoulder, trying to calm her down.

"Can we go to your tent, together?" Aryana asked as she turned around to face him again.

“Of course,” Brynden nodded, pulling his hand away from her shoulder then, trying to give her a smile.

All that got him was a nod and Aryana began walking again. Brynden caught up with her, all the while trying to figure out if he should talk about something or if that was dangerous territory. Even if it was, Brynden knew that an awkward silence would be a lot worse, especially after this. That wasn’t what he wanted, so he dug through his mind to think of something what to say.

“We should talk about something nice, something happy.”

"What do you do when you're angry or upset?"

Fuck whores. But he couldn’t do that, so he worked instead. At least working was somewhat productive and allowed him to do something actually good for him and those around him. And it gave him a better answer to give to Aryana that wouldn’t make her angry at him.

“I work. Then it’s great that I always have something to do.”

"That sounds quite boring."

“It makes me focus on something else, though, and that’s good.”

"But you can't do that with me."

“Well, I mean… I used to do other things to get my mind off of everything, but…”

"You used to fuck whores?"

Hearing it come from Aryana made Brynden feel uncomfortable as he cleared his throat and looked around, “used to.”

"I suppose you can't do that anymore."

“So I work.”

"Is that what you want to do now?"

“No, I want to be with you right now.”

It was true, because her presence was calming him down, even if it made him feel slightly awkward at the moment. Though she had made him think about his family and therefore made him upset, now Brynden was sure that Aryana would turn it around again and make him feel good, make him forget. That was what he wanted and needed, and right now he had no will to do anything even remotely related to work.

“Good.”

Then she looked at him with a smile, and Brynden smiled back at her. She was so beautiful. Even though she seemed to switch moods about as often as humanly possible, Brynden thought that she was a good person that he wouldn’t really mind marrying. As long as they would move on from past mistakes, then he wouldn’t have an issue with calling her his wife.

“What do you do?”

"If I feel upset I find Antra. Then we talk about everything and nothing."
That made Brynden happy, because he liked the friendship between Aryana and Antra. He liked seeing them together and he enjoyed knowing that they were happy together. It made Brynden a little bit more relaxed, knowing that Antra was with someone that could take care of her and make her days less dull.

“That’s good. I’m glad you two have each other.”

"She has helped me a lot."

“You help her a lot too. Thank you for that.”

"She's my friend. I love her."

“I’m sure you two would be bored out of your minds without each other,” Brynden chuckled.

"That's true, but I suppose I can steal some time from you as well now."

Whenever he’d get the chance, Brynden would make sure to spend some time with Aryana. It hadn’t been important to him before, but now it was. He wanted to spend his free moments with her, get to know her and bond with her. It was a good idea, he knew it, and he thought that Aryana would like to see him truly try for her and care for her. Maybe it would all work out after all.

“Sure. I wouldn’t mind.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Sometimes Aryana wondered why she constantly felt so conflicted about everything. Often her mind would overflow with thoughts, making the world around her blur and become overwhelming. Her emotions were overpowering then. At those times she would feel like a child, emotional and not able to control herself. It had become a bad habit of hers. At least Brynden was forgiving enough, not getting angry at her for it.

Just as fast as Brynden could make her want to rip at her hair, he eased her mind. There had to be something that could calm her down. Wine sounded nice, but she doubted that it would be a good idea to drink it after what had happened last time. Brynden and his company would likely be enough. Aryana doubted she needed anything else. They could talk, perhaps hold each other for a while. That sounded nice and comforting.

Whatever it was that was causing her to feel confused, and like a mess, it didn’t matter. Aryana didn’t want to think about it. She wanted her mind to be silent just for tonight so she could enjoy her time with Brynden. While they spoke about Antra, she felt that warmth of joy spread through her. Antra was such a good friend, and Aryana wouldn’t have traded their friendship for anything. It meant so much to her.

Now though she didn’t want to speak too much about Antra. Aryana wanted to get to know Brynden and focus on their relationship so their marriage would work. Then neither of them would live miserable lives. Perhaps that was why she had tried to make him understand that he wasn’t the one to blame. Either way, it didn’t matter now. If she tried to speak about it again, they would only end up arguing, and that wasn’t very fun or enjoyable.

“As long as you don’t get tired of me,” she sighed with a slight chuckle.

Brynden chuckled as well then, “I won’t.”

“Even with my temperament?”

"Even with that, yes."

“Good,” Aryana nodded.

They reached his tent soon enough, and Aryana realised she hadn’t noticed much of the world around her when she had been with Brynden. She had been so focused on him that she had forgotten to look around. Likely there hadn’t been much to see either way, and she was glad that she had given Brynden her full attention. They still had some privacy in his tent though they’d had more of it outside of camp, but she didn’t mind it too much.

"Did you want to come inside?"

Aryana looked up at him as she stopped in front of his tent, “if you still want that too.”

He nodded with a smile before walking into his tent and Aryana followed him. It felt different standing there with him now after they had been outside together. Though it did feel a little strange that she felt a little closer to him already. He had shared things about himself that she didn’t know, perhaps that was why. She walked deeper into his tent, her gaze wandering as she walked over to his table.

“What do you want to do?” Aryana asked, turning to face him as she leaned back against the table.

"Well, I guess there's not much to do apart from talking."

“What would you like to talk about?”

"Anything. What's on your mind?"

Aryana looked away from him, looking around in his tent once again. There were many things on her mind then. Some things that she knew she couldn’t tell him, and other things she was purely curious about. She didn’t want to ask too many questions too quickly though, and she didn’t want to mention something that could easily lead them to talk about the war and death again. So Aryana felt rather lost.

“When did you first find your interest for whores?”

"I don't remember. I was young, though, and bored.”

“Is it fun?”

"Yes, it is."

“I had never even kissed anyone before I met you.”

"Do you like kissing me?"

“Yes.”

There was something exciting about kissing Brynden. Even if he had broken her trust and she hadn’t forgiven him yet, Aryana couldn’t deny the fact that kissing him sent shivers down her spine. His touch was enough to make her melt, and it did make her feel foolish. But she wouldn’t lie to him as she stood there looking at him. He had to be the reason she felt so conflicted about everything. It felt as if he was slowly driving her mad.

"Good."

“I enjoy it a lot.”

"I do too."

“Come here.”

As he walked towards her there was a smile on his face, but as he came close enough, Aryana cupped his face, pulling him down to her so she could kiss him. She must have been very inexperienced compared to the other women he had kissed, but he had said that he enjoyed it as well. Her eyes closed as she kissed him sweetly, stroking one hand back into his hair to tangle her fingers in it. Kissing him made her feel at ease with herself.

 

[desti]

Obviously Brynden liked kissing her a lot. Even if Aryana was a little bit less experienced than what he was used to, it was still nice. In a way, it felt different, really. Maybe because Brynden knew that he would be kissing her for the rest of his life, that she’d be his wife, or something like that. It was different, but it was a good kind of different. Brynden enjoyed it, maybe a little bit too much.

When Aryana told him to come to her, Brynden didn’t hesitate to follow her orders. He couldn’t help the stupid smile that was on his lips then. When their lips met again, Brynden let out a small sigh, moving his hands to hold her face. Aryana’s hand on his cheek moved down to rest against the side of his neck. He was trying not to let his mind wander too much, since he knew that it would just get nowhere and leave him feeling awkward.

After a while, Brynden pulled away from her lips, stroking his thumbs over her cheekbones as he smiled down at her. Aryana was smiling back at him while her thumb stroked along his jaw. Brynden thought that if they’d do this more often, then they would grow closer very quickly. He was already enjoying this a little bit too much, and it seemed like Aryana liked it as well. Eventually, he hoped that she would like him too, not just his kisses.

“You’re beautiful.”

That made Aryana smile again before she pulled him back to kiss him. Brynden smiled into it and kissed her softly, moving one of his hands to rest on her waist as he moved to be closer to her. When Aryana’s hand stroked down his back until it rested on his hip, it was hard for Brynden not to get a little excited. His mind filled with thoughts that he tried to push away again, but it didn’t quite work out.

In return, Brynden pushed his body slightly against hers so that she would be leaning more against the table behind her. Did Aryana even realise what she was doing when she moved one of her legs to hook around his hips? Instinctively, Brynden pushed their hips together and accidentally let out a quiet moan against her lips. Aryana mimicked what he did, and that only made Brynden feel less in control of himself.

Before he would do something stupid, Brynden let go of her and took a step back, chuckling awkwardly as he shifted on his feet. It was really stupid how easy it was for Brynden to lose his mind when it came to things like these, but it had always been that way and he figured it’d continue to be so. He was just as weak as other men, but now he hoped that Aryana wouldn’t use that against him like some women before her had.

"What's wrong?"

“Nothing,” Brynden shrugged, smiling at her again.

"I liked that."

“Good,” he chuckled, trying to shove all those awkward thoughts out of his mind so that he would calm down.

"Did you?"

When Aryana made her way towards his bed, it was hard for Brynden not to imagine throwing her on the mattress and doing this again. He wanted her right now, but he doubted that she would be alright with that. She was sweet and kind, it didn’t seem like something she would do before they’d marry. How in the world would he survive until then?

“I did,” Brynden nodded, moving to stand by the table where Aryana had been before.

"Good."

Aryana was smiling at him and Brynden smiled back as he sat down on his chair again. He hoped that she would stay the night, but he also hoped that she wouldn’t, for reasons that he would rather not tell her. In an effort to calm his mind, Brynden looked away from Aryana, and put his elbow on the table so that he could lean his head against his hand.

“Are you going to stay here for the night?”

"Do you want me to?"

“I wouldn’t mind,” Brynden shrugged.

"I'd like to, but some other time perhaps."

Though now that his mind was calming down somewhat, Brynden would’ve liked to hold her through the night. He didn’t want it to get awkward, but Brynden tried to tell himself that he’d have enough self-control to not let his mind wander again. As if to prove it, Brynden looked at her again. No bad thoughts came to him then, and that was good. All he could think about was how pretty she truly was and that made Brynden smile.

“If you want then you can stay.”

"I need time to think. I hope you don't mind."

“Oh, alright. I understand,” Brynden nodded.

"I want to trust you, Brynden, and I had fun today. I just need a little time."

Aryana walked towards him as she spoke and Brynden got up from his chair again when she came near enough. He understood that, and there was nothing wrong with that. Brynden couldn’t expect Aryana to just change her mind instantly about him. He had to patient, he knew that and he would try his best to be that. It would be worth it in the end, he hoped.

“That’s alright. I’m glad you had fun.”

When Aryana kissed him, Brynden kissed her back before letting her pull away again. He pressed a kiss against her forehead, before he took a step away from her so she could leave if she wanted to. After a goodbye, Aryana left his tent and Brynden sank back down on his chair again with a sigh. He hoped that they could do this again sometime, and from now on he’d try and find more time to spend with her. Hopefully Aryana would appreciate that.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Distraction
Chapter XCIV
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar
​

The hopes of forgetting hadn’t been granted to Elias. Those thoughts he had of Darron that night had been so unusual that he barely recognised himself. While under the heavy influence of wine he had thought of many strange things, longing for touches from a man he barely knew. The Gods had blessed him with an inappropriate mind, and Elias wondered if he would ever be able to drink wine again with Darron. Luckily they had just held each other throughout that night, and nothing else had happened or at least he hoped so.

Since that evening with Darron, Elias had spent most of his time with Antra. Even with the sudden urged he’d had for Darron, she was the one he loved. One day he would want to tell her how he felt about certain men whenever he was drunk. Would she think ill thoughts of him then? He hadn’t told her about what he had done with Arthor. Though she had no right to know, Elias wanted her to know. She deserved to know, but he hadn’t told her yet.

Arthor was the only person that knew what kind of man Elias became whenever there was wine rushing through his veins. Now Darron somewhat knew as well, but not to the same extent that Arthor knew. Either way, Elias had no interest in doing anything else with Darron except being his friend. Everything else he had thought of didn’t matter. Drunken thoughts were out of his control, and Elias had chosen to forget about it rather than letting it linger on his mind. It was better that way, and he was in the end only looking for friendship, nothing else.

After a rather long meeting, Elias didn’t feel quite satisfied with himself. All he had thought about was what had happened that night and how embarrassed it made him to think about. Now all he longed for was his bed to lay in as he walked through camp with that goal in mind. Later he could go to see Antra or she could perhaps come to find him, but most of all he wanted to relax and try to forget about everything else for just a moment.

That had been the initial plan for Elias until he saw Darron. His first thought was to avoid the knight and pretend he hadn’t seen him, but then he remembered what Darron had once told him. He lacked confidence, and Elias knew those words were true. Whenever something happened, he would run away from conflict never to face it. He would feel awkward and embarrassed with everything. Conflict was his fear, but Elias pushed that fear away.

“Sir Darron,” he said, trying to not appear as nervous as he felt.

“Elias.”

Darron turned to face him, and Elias felt at a loss of words then. Suddenly the fear he had tried to hard to push away was crawling back to him. It would be a shame if he were to let that fear get the better of him now. What was the worst thing that could happen? Darron didn’t seem to be angry with him or act embarrassed. There was no point for him to fear confrontation. Nothing had happened, and Elias felt so foolish then.

“Are you busy?”

"Not really. What is it?"

Now that Elias didn’t want to go to his tent to rest anymore since he had seen Darron, he figured they could spend some time together before the evening would come. Then he would likely be occupied with Antra, but they hadn’t trained together yet, and Elias wanted to pick up a sword again and fight Darron. They had agreed that they would do it again sometime, and perhaps they could do that now. That would bring his mind off things.

“I need practice, and I recall you saying you’d help me again.”

"Sure. I've got time."

“We can stay at camp this time, if you’d prefer that.”

"I'd rather go outside of camp, actually. Unless you don't want to?"

“Outside of camp works for me.”

"Good. I just need to get a sword for you then."

As Darron started walking, Elias followed him with a slight smile on his lips. Perhaps Darron didn’t remember how they had laid tangled in each other’s embrace on his bed. Elias didn’t want to remind him in case he had been lucky enough to forget. Instead he kept a short silence between them while they walked to get a sword for him. He had learned so much last time, and he hoped he would learn something new today.

"Are you mad at me?"

Elias was almost surprised at that question. Did it seem like he was mad at Darron? Quickly he looked up at Darron with a frown, “no? Why would I be?”

"I don't know. Just wondering."

“I’m not mad at you, don’t worry.”

Was it because Elias had ignored him for a little while that Darron had thought that? Perhaps it was. He still hoped that Darron didn’t remember anything from that night. If they were to talk about it, then Elias knew he would become rather awkward. All he wanted to do now was get a sword in his hand and get outside of camp. Then he could hit his sword at Darron until he would get tired and hopefully forget what a mess he had managed to make.

 

[desti]

Darron had woken up in stranger situations than that. He didn’t really think much of it, really. In a way, Darron thought it had been funny, actually. When Elias began to ignore him, though, Darron stopped thinking of it as something amusing though. He thought he actually liked the company of Elias, he still felt a little awkward because of other things, but he did genuinely enjoy spending time with him. Had he managed to fuck it all up?

That day, though, when Darron was aimlessly wasting time by walking around camp, Elias walked up to him. It made him feel better, because maybe Elias hadn’t changed his mind about Darron after everything. Maybe he thought he was strange? Darron didn’t think there was anything wrong with what had happened, as nothing really had happened. He was a knight, he had travelled enough and the times he’d gone to bed with some of his mates in his arms for warmth were uncountable.

Perhaps Elias didn’t think so, therefore Darron asked if he was mad. When Elias didn’t seem to understand why he could be, Darron thought that maybe he’d forgotten. Or maybe he just didn’t want to talk about it. Either way, Darron figured he might as well not mention it if it made Elias so uncomfortable. It's not like it would ever happen again, so there was no reason for them to waste time thinking about it.

“Alright, good,” Darron nodded as he shoved a sword into Elias’ hand before heading out of the camp grounds.

When they began walking, Elias became quiet again and Darron didn’t like it. Maybe he did remember it after all? It seemed to Darron that Elias felt uncomfortable, but maybe he was wrong. In a way, Darron wanted to talk about it after all, just so they could clear everything up. Eventually, Darron couldn’t stand it anymore and turned his head to look at Elias.

“Why are you so quiet? Talk about something.”

"Sorry, I just came from a long meeting. I'm a little tired, but it's fine."

Darron turned to walk backwards in front of Elias, shrugging his shoulders, “we don’t have to do this if you’re tired.”

"I said it's fine. Don't worry about it."

Though Elias was smiling, Darron still felt like he wasn’t exactly telling him what was on his mind right now. In a way, he felt closer to Elias now after their conversation and everything that had happened. Darron had thought that maybe it’d be the same for Elias, but it really just seemed like the opposite had happened. Though he figured there might not be much he could do if Elias didn’t want to talk about it.

“If you say so,” Darron shrugged and turned around.

"Trust me."

Until they reached a good place to fight, Darron stayed quiet. Then he turned to Elias again and pulled out his sword from his belt, as he moved to stand a few steps in front of him. At least now Elias seemed genuinely excited to fight him, which was good enough for Darron. He thought maybe they could be friends after all, but if this was all Elias wanted from him, then that was fine as well.

Without much of a warning, Darron moved towards him and began hitting his sword against Elias’. Elias tried to defend himself by moving around, but this time Darron didn’t really hesitate on actually using his strength which he had a lot more than Elias did. He didn’t plan on hurting him, but he did want to see how much of a beating he could take right now. Then Elias began to block his hits, or try to, and the sound of steel hitting steel was so nice to Darron’s ears.

Though Darron tried to be mindful and tried to not make a mistake, so that Elias wouldn’t get hurt from this, he didn’t really stop hitting him. It didn’t take too long for Elias to get tired, and Darron was only really getting started. He hadn’t gotten much training in today, so this was something welcome to Darron. When Elias tried to move away from him again, Darron stretched out his leg so that Elias would trip over it.

While Elias was on the ground, he didn’t exactly seem as happy anymore. Darron held back a laugh and just took a step away from him, letting Elias get up from the ground. At least this time. Next time Darron would probably make it a bit more challenging for Elias and a bit more fun for himself. Then Elias began to move towards him, and Darron easily moved out of the way.

When Darron did that, Elias stopped and walked to the side, swinging his sword at Darron. Again, Darron moved away by dodging it and jumping over to the right. What Darron didn’t quite expect was for Elias to kick him, though. That caught him off guard and his hand moved to grip onto his knee as he for a moment lost his focus. Elias didn’t really allow him much time to breathe, as he swung his sword towards his arm.

Getting hit with a sword wasn’t something Darron wanted to do right now, so Darron leant back as he kicked Elias in the stomach before he could land the blow. That made Elias stumble back and groan, though Darron hoped that he hadn’t kicked him too hard. He walked towards him before Elias could get back into form and shoved his hands against the man’s shoulders. That made Elias fall down on his back again and Darron moved to stand over him.

It all seemed fine and fun, and Darron was going to scare him by putting his sword against his throat, until Elias kicked him right where he really shouldn’t have. Darron let out a loud grunt as he moved away from Elias, resisting the sudden urge to kick him right back for what he had done. He didn’t even noticed Elias getting up and pushing him down on the ground as he fell down on his front.

When Darron turned to lay on his back, with his hand laying protectively on his crotch, Elias straddled his hips and his fist hit him straight in the face. It wasn’t a hard punch, so Darron didn’t really think much of it. At least Elias had finally gotten him on the ground, even if it had been achieved using dirty tricks. There wasn’t anything wrong with that, though Darron usually didn’t enjoy fighting like that.

“Well done. Rude, though.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Today things were different as they fought each other. Elias felt it right away when Darron wasn’t going easy at him like the last time. That didn’t bother him too much as he tried to defend himself as best as he could, but then Darron had made him fall onto the ground which in turn had caused Elias to kick him before he was met by the ground once again. Something rushed through his veins then as his body grew warm. He didn’t feel angry with Darron, but a little frustrated. That has caused Elias to aim his foot at Darron’s crotch before kicking him.

In some morbid way, it felt good. Elias was enjoying himself as he stood on his feet again, pushing Darron down onto the ground before straddling him. The confidence that rushed through him then was almost addictive. He clenched his fist before punching Darron in the face, but it wasn’t a hard punch. Elias didn’t want to truly hurt Darron though he had kicked him in the crotch. That must have hurt badly. He winced just imagining it.

“Well done. Rude, though,” Darron said.

Elias chuckled, “you deserved that.”

"Oh, really? I don't think I did."

“Doesn’t matter. I’m having fun.”

"I'm glad one of us enjoyed that,” Darron mumbled.

At that Elias moved off of him. He stood up and held out his hand for Darron. Kicking him in the crotch might have been too far, but they were fighting, and Elias was learning. That was the point, wasn’t it? Darron took his hand, and Elias tried to help him up, but mostly Darron pulled himself up. Once Darron was standing again, Elias stepped back and picked up his sword that he had dropped earlier, wrapping his fingers around the handle.

“Are you okay?”

When Darron didn’t answer, Elias did get a little worried that he had perhaps kicked him too hard. It looked like he was in pain and Elias dropped his sword again then as he stepped forward, wanting to comfort Darron. Instead he was met by a foot right between his legs, hitting him in the crotch. A groan fell from his lips as he stumbled back at the terrible pain that shot through him. He winced and took another step back, covering himself with his hand.

"Now I'm alright."

“I let you sleep in my tent, and this is how you repay me.”

"I thought you'd forgotten."

“No,” Elias said as he shook his head slightly, keeping his eyes shut as he tried to get over the pain.

"You deserved it."

Elias opened his eyes then, looking at Darron. He knew he had deserved it, and now he also knew that Darron hadn’t forgotten about the night either. That made things a little awkward for Elias, but at the same time, it didn’t seem like Darron had any ill thoughts regarding that night. Now Darron had no idea what Elias had thought about though, and he wasn’t planning to tell him either. It was better if he didn’t know.

“You’re right, I did.”

"Glad we agree."

Once again Elias walked over to pick up his sword, slowly getting over the aching pain between his legs. Gods, he hadn’t expected Darron to actually do it back, but he knew it was only fair. As he wrapped his fingers around the handle of the sword, Darron hit the sword out of his hand, making it land further away on the ground somewhere. Elias frowned as he looked up at Darron then. Weren’t they here to fight or what was he doing?

"What?" Darron shrugged

“Weren’t we supposed to fight?”

"We are fighting."

Elias chuckled after letting out a quiet sigh. Then he walked over to where his sword had landed to pick it up, this time getting a better grip around the handle before he turned to face Darron. As Darron swung his sword towards him, Elias kept defending himself with the sword, blocking Darron’s attacks. Then his attacks started to get more forceful. It made it harder for Elias to keep up which caused him to move back and to the side to avoid Darron.

That didn’t seem to change a lot since Darron moved back to him which caused Elias to defend himself with the sword again. It was exhausting, and he knew that if he didn’t find a way to stop Darron he would end up against the ground again. Elias hit back then, using all the strength he had to hit his sword against Darron’s. That had to be a mistake since Darron was a lot stronger than him and once he started moving towards him, Elias had to take a few steps back as he tried to avoid Darron’s attacks again.

Instead of trying to hit Darron back, Elias moved swiftly on his feet to get away from Darron’s attacks. The more Darron attempted to hit him, the harder Elias tried to move out of his way. He wasn’t using his sword anymore, only once or twice to regain his ability to move away from Darron, but he mostly focused on keeping his body out of range for Darron to hit him. That only worked for so long until Darron managed to graze his arm with his sword.

The sharpness of the blade was enough to cut through the fine leather of his clothes, and Elias felt how it slightly stung where Darron had cut him. It wasn’t bad, but distracting enough for Elias to stop. It only hurt a little, but he knew that was just a part of fighting and that he likely had to get used to it if he wanted to get better at it. Therefore he wasn’t angry at Darron. Instead Elias chuckled as he looked up at the knight.

 

[desti]

When Darron saw Elias’ clothes rip where his sword had hit him, he felt a little bad. He hadn’t really hurt him, only grazed him with the steel, but Darron imagined that Elias still wouldn’t be too happy about it. Though it seemed like he was wrong, because when he stopped swinging his sword and looked at Elias to make sure he was alright, the man just chuckled at him while their eyes met.

“Are you alright?” Darron still asked, just in case.

“Yes, don’t worry.”

“If you say so,” Darron shrugged and pushed Elias with his hand against his chest.

That made Elias stumble back, and he didn’t exactly look pleased then. Darron chuckled a little as he went to hit him with his sword again. Again, Elias defended himself and again Darron hit him over and over. It was fun until his arms grew tired and his hits began to grow weaker and slower. He almost wanted to thank Elias when the man fell to the ground and didn’t even attempt to get up.

Elias seemed tired and so was Darron, though they hadn’t really fought that much. He sat down heavily on the ground beside Elias and chuckled a little, looking over at him. Darron found it strange that he was able to laugh so easily at the moment. Maybe it was just because he was tired, that must’ve been it. Before, it had been hard for Darron to find any joy in things, now it seemed easier to do. At least a little.

"Are you laughing at me?" Elias chuckled.

Darron shrugged, “a little.”

"Is it funny that I'm losing here?"

After thinking about it for a while, Darron nodded, repeating, “a little.”

"I'm trying my best."

“I know. You’re doing well actually,” he shrugged.

"Thank you."

“You’re welcome,” Darron nodded as he laid back on the snow beside him to catch his breath.

"This is exhausting."

At that Darron chuckled, because this really was nothing. True exhaustion was after a true fight, and this wasn’t even close to it. Though Darron doubted that Elias would experience something like that, or at least he hoped that he wouldn’t. He was better at making up plans than fighting himself, from what Darron had seen.

“Actual fights are much worse. You could sleep for days after that.”

"Is that what you will do after the war?"

“If I can, yes.”

Once it would all be done, Darron knew that he would feel lost. At least the war was giving him a purpose, it gave him a way to feel closer to Rhea in some silly way. Once that would be over, what would Darron do? He’d keep working for Lord Aeron, most likely. Would he just do that until he’d die? It sounded boring, although Darron didn’t really have another choice.

"Sounds nice."

“If you say so. What are you going to do after the war? Go back home to your Southern whores?”

"I wish I could stay here, but I will have to go home to my Southern whores."

“Poor you.”

"I'll take you with me."

“As lovely as that sounds, I’ll have to say no.”

"That's a shame. I would have enjoyed that."

“Oh really?” Darron chuckled, looking over at him.

"Yes. I think we would have a lot of fun together in the South."

“You think so?”

“Yes.”

It made Darron think about how little of Aedighar he’d actually seen. Without the war, he would’ve probably stayed in the East for the rest of his life. That was the only Kingdom he’d traveled through, and Darron thought that he knew the East as good as anyone, maybe even better than most. The South wasn’t exactly a place he wanted to go to, though. It seemed awfully hot there and Darron didn’t think he’d enjoy that all too much.

“What would we do in the South then?”

"Drink and find ourselves some good entertainment."

“Should you really drink, though?”

"You were the one thinking my tent was your tent."

It still made Darron feel incredibly stupid that he had actually gotten so drunk that he didn’t even know where he really was. Darron had always known he wasn’t the sharpest of them all, but that was a new level, even for him. Though he hoped to never really repeat that again. Drinking could be fun sometimes, but the headache that had came to him the next day still hurt to think about.

“It’s not like you stopped me,” Darron shrugged.

"I was drunk. I wanted to be held."

“Yeah, I noticed that,” Darron chuckled.

"I'm sorry."

“It’s fine,” he shrugged, “I had fun that night. Thanks.”

"I had fun too. If you want to do it again sometime, just ask.”

Though Darron didn’t really intend to do it again, he figured that if he’d have something to drink then he might be up for the task. It hadn’t been that bad, actually. It was kind of nice, comfortable in a way and for once Darron had slept quite nicely, though he had blamed the alcohol for that. He didn’t feel embarrassed about it or anything, and it seemed like Elias didn’t think too much of it either, which was good.

“I’ll remember that,” Darron chuckled.

Then Elias sat up and patted Darron on the shoulder. The snow was beginning to creep behind Darron’s collar, so he sat up as well. Suddenly, the South and its heat didn’t sound as awful as it had before. He looked at Elias again, shrugging, “you don’t feel weird about it, right?”

"No. I was afraid that you did, and I didn't want to confront you about it."

At that Darron chuckled and shook his head, “no, I don’t care.”

"You'll regret saying that."

“Why?”

"Every time I'm drunk I'll stumble into your tent wanting to be held."

“I suppose that’s not the worst thing ever.”

"Are you sure about that?"

“Yes. I’ve known people who are much worse than you when drunk,” he chuckled.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Now it didn’t feel as awkward as it had before. Elias was glad that he had dared to speak about it with Darron. If anything this had just made him want to be his friend even more. He was a good person and Elias felt comfortable with him. To Elias, it truly seemed like they could have a genuine friendship together, and he hoped they could. Darron was a person he would enjoy being around, and perhaps even meet again sometime after the war.

Though Elias scolded himself for the thoughts he’d had that night, he had really enjoyed himself and Darron’s company. They’d had so much fun together while they had both been drunk. Repeating it didn’t sound like a good idea, but still, Elias hoped that they would repeat it sometime. If they were to then he would be sure not to drink as much as he had last time, but at the same time, Darron had said he didn’t care about what had happened.

It brought Elias comfort and reassurance, making a bright smile tug at his lips as he looked at Darron. Now he almost wondered if he would miss Darron once he’d leave. They barely knew each other, and still, it felt so easy for Elias to talk to him without feeling weird. If they would keep spending time together, then he was certain that he would miss Darron. In a way, Darron had taught him many things already, things he’d always remember.

“I suppose that is a good thing.”

Darron chuckled, “I suppose.”

Really it was mostly strange how Elias had grown so fond of Darron as a person. He assumed it was because of how used he was to having friends around him, and how he had missed Antra’s company whenever she was busy with Lady Aryana. But in reality, he had only met Darron a few times, and they were already acting as if they were good friends, at least Elias felt like that. Perhaps Darron didn’t agree with him though.

“I won’t get as drunk next time though. I hate waking up feeling horrible.”

"Agreed. That next day was awful."

“It was worth it. I will never forget that night,” Elias smiled while looking at Darron.

"It was nice."

At that Elias stood up, stretching his arms above his head as he let out a slight groan. All of this had just given him a sudden respect for knights and other warriors. The strength they must’ve had to go through so many battles in a war. He turned around to hold out a hand for Darron, wanting to help him up from the ground. Darron took his hand, and Elias pulled him up from the ground, letting his hand go once he stood on his own feet.

“Are we still fighting or?”

"Do you want to?” Darron shrugged.

“I don’t mind if we fight or talk. I’d like to get to know you, but I assume that won’t happen.”

"What do you want to know about me?"

“I’m not sure. I just know I want to be your friend.”

"We're friends."

Those words made Elias incredibly happy. Perhaps too happy. If he had been drunk, he would have pulled Darron into a hug. He wasn’t supposed to feel so joyous over a friendship, but Darron was someone who genuinely interested him. Their conversations weren’t boring, and Elias didn’t have the right words to explain how he appreciated what Darron had done for him so far. He laughed then, the happiness likely showing in his eyes as he looked at Darron. It was so difficult to stop smiling, making him feel like a damn idiot as he stood there.

“That makes me very happy.”

"Good."

“You’re a good person, Darron.”

When Darron shrugged, Elias wasn’t having that and gently hit his hand against his shoulder, “you are, whether you like it or not.”

Instead of answering, Darron pushed Elias away as he shrugged. Elias took a step back then. This seemed to be Darron’s issue. It reminded him of their conversation where he had said he hadn’t always been so distant. That only made him curious again, but Elias didn’t want to bother him with those kinds of questions. If Darron would ever feel ready to talk about it, then Elias would be there for him, and if now then he would respect that.

“Are you okay?”

Suddenly Darron had grown awfully quiet as he just nodded and smiled at Elias’ question. All that did was give Elias the hint that he shouldn’t even ask anymore. Perhaps Darron needed some time alone. They had fought a little and Elias had learned how he could use dirty tricks to win a fight. If there would be a next time, he hoped he’d learn more things as well. Elias picked up his sword then before looking at Darron.

“We can head back to camp. I wouldn’t want to bother you for too long.”

"You're not bothering me."

“Good. If I ever am then tell me.”

"No, you're good,” Darron nodded with a smile.

Elias smiled back at Darron as he raised his sword slightly, taking a step away from him, “I think I have enough energy for one more fight.”

It didn’t take long for Darron to start swinging at Elias, and this time instead of defending himself with his sword straight away he focused on using his body to avoid the attacks. He watched Darron’s movements, studied them to pick up on anything that could give him a hint of where he would swing, and then Elias would move in the opposite direction. A few times he’d raise his sword to defend, but mostly he focused on making Darron exhausted.

 

[desti]

When they began fighting again, Darron tried to figure out what was going on in Elias’ mind. He didn’t pay that much attention to how his own hits were landing, but more on how Elias was defending himself. It was interesting for Darron to see that and compare to how bad Elias’ first attempt had been. To Darron, it seemed like things were going well. Obviously he wouldn’t be able to help Elias out after the war, but maybe he’d find someone in the South to continue teaching him.

In a way, it almost made Darron feel a little proud. He didn’t think that Elias would get anywhere, but now he saw potential in him. Darron would try to do this with him as often as he could until they’d reach Wheldrake, then afterwards Elias would be on his own. He hoped that he wouldn’t forget everything and let himself go, but, ultimately, that was Elias’ decision.

Because Darron was already somewhat tired, it didn’t take him long to lose the energy he had built up before. Again, he felt himself growing slower and weaker, but he wasn’t going to let down and let Elias win again. He had a bit too much pride to do that twice in one day, so Darron gritted his teeth and ignored how sore his muscles felt by this point. It didn’t seem like Elias was going to let down, either, so now it just became a game of who would have the most endurance.

Eventually Elias stopped and this time Darron didn’t bother to push him down on the ground. There was no need to hurt him too much. He lowered his sword and nodded, “not bad.”

“Thank you.”

“You never were that bad. You just needed confidence,” Darron shrugged.

“Are you proud of me?”

“Yes,” he chuckled.

“I’m proud of myself too.”

“Still have to improve a lot, though,” Darron shrugged, “we’ve got some time until we reach Wheldrake, though.”

“We could practice whenever, unless I’m in a meeting.”

Since Darron could make time pretty much whenever, it was really up to Elias. He figured he might be busy with meetings, as he played an important role in the war, but Darron thought that he’d still be able to squeeze in a few practices every now and then. If Elias would want to train, then he’d make time for it.

“Right. So just let me know when you want to do this again.”

"Will you be busy tomorrow?"

“Probably not. Find me whenever you’re free.”

"I will."

“Good.”

In a way, Darron almost found himself looking forwards to it. He didn’t have much else to do, and the only other people he sometimes talked to were Lord Aeron and Lady Aryana. Darron liked them, but their conversations weren’t exactly as fun as the ones with Elias. He felt somewhat easy being around Elias, something about him made Darron feel more comfortable about opening up.

"What do you want to do now?"

"Anything that's not exhausting,” Darron chuckled.

"We could go to my tent if you'd like."

“Want me to hold you again?”

"I wouldn't complain."

Darron laughed with Elias then a little and shrugged his shoulders, “I’ll think about it.”

When Elias started walking, Darron was quick to catch up with him. He slid his sword back into his belt, and Darron figured he’d just take Elias’ sword back where it came from when he’d head back to his tent. Darron felt how the snow had made his clothes slightly wet again, but right now he didn’t exactly feel it, therefore he doubted he’d get sick from it.

"I don't have any wine though."

“That’s a shame,” Darron sighed.

"It's for the better."
“Maybe,” he chuckled.

Perhaps Elias was right, though Darron knew that he had enough self-control to stop himself when he’d feel he’d have too much to drink. He definitely wouldn’t repeat the night that had happened then, because the splitting headache he’d gotten was agonizing. That wasn’t exactly something he wished to repeat in the near future. Though everything else that had happened, had been fine with him.

"We could still have fun."


“And do what?”

“Talk about Southern whores.”

“Your favourite topic to talk about?”

“Don’t judge my need to speak about my whores.”

Darron laughed, “your whores?”

"I have a few."

“You do?”

Right now it was easy for Darron to remember how careless his conversations had been before all of this had happened. How careless he himself had been, how he’d gotten joy and laughter out of nearly everything. It had been nice to live like that, and Darron missed it. Elias was making him remember how it felt to not feel so horrible all the time, and he appreciated it greatly.

"They're beautiful."

“Well, you’re very lucky to have them then.”

"You'd like them."

“Why’s that?”

"I don't know. I just think you would."

“I doubt it,” Darron chuckled.

“Why’s that?”

“Your story about that Southern whore has scared me off of them for good, I think.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Spending a part of his evening with Darron didn’t sound like a bad idea to Elias. Later he would try to find Antra unless she was busy as he doubted Darron was planning to stay the night with him again. Not that Elias genuinely would have minded that. Having company was never a bad thing even if he did prefer to stay with Antra. She had friends as well, but he knew he would miss her like he always did whenever they wouldn’t spend an evening together. It was slightly pathetic of him to miss her after just a night, but he truly loved her.

Would Darron be a person to understand that?

Elias wondered if Darron could be someone he could open up to about what was happening in his life. It didn’t seem like he was the type to judge him too harshly, but perhaps Elias was wrong about that. Either way, he did wonder what it would be like to talk about it with someone else that wasn’t Antra. He wasn’t sure what Arthor would think of him if he knew. Would he still be his friend? Elias doubted he would ruin anything by being honest with Darron though. Then they would have something to talk about as well.

Now they were joking around though, and Elias didn’t want to talk about a private topic like what he shared with Antra out in public where anyone that walked past them could hear. That wouldn’t be smart, and Elias rather enjoyed their funny conversation about the whores he did not have. He had never been the one to spend much money on women. It happened once in a while, but not often unlike other men he knew.

“That’s a true shame, Darron. You’re missing out,” Elias chuckled.

"That's alright. You have all the fun with them. I'll manage somehow without donkey loving whores in my life."

“Are you not fond of whores?”

"Not really, no. I suppose they've lost their appeal to me."

“Why? I thought all knights were fond of whores, especially in times of a war.”

"Most are. I'm not. They don't interest me."

Elias only shrugged then as he kept walking towards his tent. He wasn’t sure why it seemed so strange to him that Darron wasn’t a man who didn’t like whores. Now Elias had a reason to not take a liking to whores. He had Antra who he loved and didn’t find the need to disrespect her and be with other women. Some men wouldn’t have cared, but he cared so much for her. Perhaps Darron had someone in his life, but it didn’t seem like that.

In the end, Elias barely knew Darron, and they both grew quiet, and Elias didn’t speak again until they had reached his tent and stepped inside, “is there a reason why whores don’t appeal to you anymore. Are you married?”

"No. I don't have anyone."

Elias watched Darron as he walked over to sit down at the edge of his bed, and Elias was quick to sit down next to him as another question came to his mind, “do you not like women at all?”

"I do. Or I did, I guess? I don't really think about things like that anymore,” Darron shrugged.

“What happened?”

"It's complicated."

“I’ve got time. You can talk to me,” Elias said, still looking at Darron though Darron wasn’t looking at him anymore.

When Darron didn’t answer Elias figured it was the sign for him to give up, but he didn’t want to give up on Darron. Now he knew that something had happened, that something was wrong. He couldn’t let Darron go around carrying whatever it was that bothered him alone. Elias didn’t like that thought of that, and he raised his hand to put it against Darron’s shoulder, still keeping his gaze on him.

“You can trust me.”

"I don't even know how to start,” Darron chuckled, but it sounded like he was sad, not happy.

“At the beginning,” Elias mumbled, watching as Darron moved his elbows to his knees, leaning against his hands.

"You know about what happened to Lord Brynden's sister, right?"

“She was murdered.”

That was the whole reason to why Elias was there. Lady Rhea had been killed, and though he didn’t know much about the situation he imagined it had been tough for everyone to lose some that important. In a way, it had felt strange to replace Lord Brynden’s sister like that, but he wondered what would have happened if he would have never been the replacement. Either way, it was a tragedy, and Elias knew that her death must have affected many people.

"For a while, I was the one accused of being her murderer. Someone had seen me leave her tent the night it happened, and they thought it could only mean one thing. Me being accused of that and everything that came with it was why the alliance between the North and the East almost fell apart."

Elias wasn’t aware of that part of the story. He had no idea that Darron was the one who had been accused. They had seen him leave her tent, but there could be many reasons for that. Had they not given him a chance to defend himself? That confused Elias and made him question how they did things in the North. Surely they would need proof of such things, just like he had found proof about the King. Elias frowned then as he kept looking at Darron.

“Why were you in her tent?”

 

[desti]

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to trust Elias, but now that the topic was brought up, Darron found himself unable to decline answering his questions. In a way, he desperately needed to tell someone. He had told part of the story to Aryana and it had made him feel better for a moment. Maybe telling Elias would have the same effect, and in a way Darron did feel like his thoughts were changing when he began talking about what had happened to Rhea.

It felt like so long ago when Darron had met her for the first time. Gods, she’d been so beautiful. That wasn’t hard to see. When he saw just how feisty Rhea was, Darron’s fate must’ve been sealed. From that day, he had kept annoying Rhea. How she hadn’t murdered him was still a mystery to him, though Rhea had had enough chances to get rid of him once and for all.

Their last conversation had been them arguing. It still hurt Darron to think about it. Sometimes he wondered if perhaps Rhea had been honest after all about how she didn’t love him. Maybe he had been delusional, just like she’d said. Gods, Darron shouldn’t have left. Why had he left? He was so fucking stupid. For once, he had decided not to be stubborn and that had fucked everything up. If he’d only been there…

“We were arguing,” Darron mumbled.

"Arguing?"

Once Darron thought more in depth about what exactly their argument had been about, he couldn’t even attempt to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. It wasn’t what he had intended to do, nor expected to happen. By this point, Darron thought he had cried enough, but apparently talking about it again brought everything inside him back up again.

In an effort to maybe calm himself a little, Darron gave Elias a short nod before he got up and walked across the tent. He didn’t really care what Elias would think about him now, seeing him like this, but Darron still didn’t want to cry directly in front of him. That sounded too embarrassing. He rubbed his eyes with his hand as he tried to think about something else, so that he could calm down and finish what he’d started.

"What's wrong, Darron?"

“Just give me a moment, alright?”

Hearing his own voice tremble didn’t make things easier for Darron, but he stubbornly tried to stop the tears from flowing. He rubbed his face as he closed his eyes, and tried to calm himself down. Elias must’ve thought him to be strange, seeing him like this. He could think what he wanted, though, Darron had more than enough reasons to feel like this at the moment.

"Okay."
Because he was too stubborn, Darron was determined to tell Elias everything, even if it would hurt terribly. He didn’t know if Elias was the right person to tell this to or if he could trust him, but at the moment he didn’t care. Darron needed to let it out. One day, he would have to tell it to at least Brynden as well. He deserved to know what had happened that night.

“Alright,” Darron mumbled more to himself as he nodded his head, trying to compose himself so that he could string a sentence together without breaking down again, “yes, we were arguing. It was bad."

"Why were you arguing?"

The best way would be to just get it over with, so Darron took a deep breath before speaking, “because we couldn’t be together anymore.”

No words came from Elias then and Darron wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. Maybe hearing something like that just left Elias speechless. He likely didn’t expect that. Nobody would’ve expected that. Darron had been too low-born for her, too old for her, too stupid, yet he had had her for blissful months, even if nobody would ever believe him. Those had been the best times of his life, there was no doubt about that.

Now Darron wanted to sit down so he turned around and walked towards Elias again, sitting down heavily on the bed. He put his elbows on his knees again as he leant forwards and hid his face in his hands. Darron didn’t know how in the world he could even explain everything else. If Elias responded like this to something like that, then what would he say when he’d hear about the bastard Darron had put in Rhea’s lap?

"Did you love her?"

Words couldn’t even begin to explain how much Darron had loved Rhea. He still loved her and, Gods, he knew he would love her until his last breath. Maybe it wouldn’t make sense to Elias, considering that Rhea was dead, but Darron couldn’t stop loving her. It was impossible. Even after so long, Rhea was so very close to him and he yearned for the day he would see her again.

“I did. I’ll always love her,” Darron mumbled, and he wasn’t even sure if Elias could hear him from how quietly he spoke.

"I'm sure my words won't bring you any comfort, but does it hurt to talk about it?"

“It always hurts. I don’t think it’ll ever stop.”

"If you can, then talk to me about her. Perhaps it will make it a little easier."

Maybe it would be good. Then Elias would find out how wonderful Rhea had been. How perfect she had been in every way possible and how truly blessed Darron had been to call her his, even for such a short moment only. It felt wrong to not let others know how good Rhea was, how she hadn’t deserved to die, how she had deserved everything good in the world instead.

“I think I might’ve fallen for her the second I met her. I don’t think I realised it, though. Gods, she was beautiful. I don’t think she liked me all too much at first. I was incredibly annoying and rude to her, so I can’t really blame her.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Never had Elias expected that the person that was causing Darron so many problems would be Rhea Rhyne, the dead sister of Lord Brynden. He could even begin to imagine how painful it must have felt to lose someone who had clearly been important to Darron and to be accused of murdering her as well. Gods, Elias felt terrible for Darron as he tried to imagine what he must have gone through. To think someone had found it in themselves to kill an innocent woman in her tent seemed absurd to him. It was so cruel and unfair.

Seeing Darron so distraught only made it harder for Elias to find the right words to say. Were there even anything for him to say? All of the words he could think of seemed wrong. They would comfort Darron. If anything it would only make it worse and Elias wanted to help him, not cause him more pain.

Though they barely knew each other, Elias felt an aching pain in his chest as he thought about what Darron had told him. Their situations were eerily similar, except from the fact that both Antra and him were alive. He tried to imagine what he would have felt like if Antra were to be murdered. That would have crushed him, and he didn’t even want to think of that thought ever again. He felt so bad for Darron, and the urge to comfort him grew bigger and bigger as they both sat there and Elias listened to him talk about Rhea.

“When did she fall for you?”

Elias assumed the best thing would be to get Darron to open up. It would only do him some good if he were to let out his emotions and get them out of his mind instead of dwelling on them alone. If they would talk all night about her, Elias didn’t mind. Antra would have to understand that he couldn’t leave Darron alone now. There was no way. How in the world could he leave his friend alone when he looked so upset?

"The first time she didn't want to beat me bloody was after I saved her from some bandits that attacked us out in the forests. It was hard to understand sometimes what was going on inside her head, though."

“But you two loved each other?”

"I thought so. But when we fought that night, she told me she didn't. I don't know if she meant it or not."

“Many people say foolish things when they’re angry, while some say nothing at all. I can’t say whether or not she loved you, but words can say many things, Darron. What matters is what they do, and perhaps what you see in their eyes. While words can lie, actions often show us the truth.”

As Darron stayed quiet, Elias tried to think of something else to tell him to reassure him. There was no way he could tell Darron that his dead lover had loved him. He hadn’t been there. He didn’t know what relationship they’d had to each other, but he knew people often fought out of love. Thinking about that made him frown as he looked a little away from Darron. He tried to make sense of his thoughts before he spoke again.

“Some people fight out of love too. I didn’t know her, sadly, but did she ever say that she did love you?”

Darron nodded at his question, and Elias sighed, “then why would she suddenly stop loving you?”

"Because we couldn't be together."

“Love doesn’t disappear like that. You haven’t stopped loving her.”

"Maybe it was different for her,” Darron mumbled.

Again Elias sighed, “I don’t know, but I doubt that.”

"I should've never left her that night."

That sounded like Darron was blaming himself, and Elias knew that feeling a little too well. Often it was easier to blame himself rather than blaming the true people responsible for something. He would find ways to blame himself for things that possibly couldn’t be his fault. It was a bad habit, and he knew how toxic those thoughts could be. That made him feel even worse for Darron. He felt so bad for him.

“Do you feel guilty?”

"If I would've stayed with her, then this would've never happened,” Darron mumbled.

Instead of saying anything when Elias noticed him crying, he moved to sit closer to Darron before wrapping his arms around him. It didn’t matter if he was sober. No words could make it better for his friend. Elias could sit there all night talking about whatever would come to his mind regarding the situation, but it wouldn’t do either of them any good. Darron leaned towards him, and Elias tightened his grip around him then.

"I told her I'd come back in the morning."

“I’m sorry.”

"There's another part I haven't mentioned yet."

“What is it?” Elias asked while stroking his hand over Darron’s back.

Darron paused, but Elias was patient as silence settled between them. Then he spoke up again, and the words he said surprised Elias perhaps more than they should have.

"She was carrying my child."

“Fuck, Darron, I am so sorry. The Gods are cruel bastards, and I can’t even imagine what that must feel like, losing your lover and unborn child,” Elias sighed deeply as he pulled Darron even closer to him.

 

[desti]

Elias couldn’t imagine what his pain felt like and Darron had no way to truly explain it to him. It wasn’t something that words could convey. He would’ve never understood before how horrible it was to lose someone you love. Especially in a way like this. It was absolutely horrible. It hurt Darron through his whole body when he thought about it, and he knew he would never truly get over it.

It felt nice to be comforted by Elias though. While his arms around him and kind words didn’t help much, at least Darron wasn’t alone with his guilt-ridden thoughts. Now he had someone to talk to him, someone to be by his side and that was nice. Talking about it helped him a little, it felt nice to get those emotions out of him, but at the same time Darron thought that soon enough he’d feel just as bad as he’d felt before.

“It’s horrible,” Darron mumbled.

“You don’t deserve that pain.”

“She didn’t deserve that.”

“No, she didn’t.”

That was what Darron cared about most. Maybe he deserved being miserable for the rest of his life for all the bullshit he had done, but Rhea deserved to live a long, happy life. She didn’t deserve to die, alone in her tent. It hurt Darron so much to think about how her last moments must’ve been like. Gods, it was so fucking unfair.

“I understand your pain.”

Though Darron almost said something harsh to him, he bit his tongue stayed quiet still. He didn’t want to get angry at Elias, for he had done nothing wrong. That wouldn’t be right and in the end it would just make him more upset. Darron had to understand when to keep his mouth shut and this time he actually managed to do that, thankfully. Elias stayed quiet too then and that gave Darron time to think and calm down a little more. It was easier now to calm himself with Elias’ arms around him. Though Darron still felt like shit, at least he wasn’t alone.

“Sorry. You wanted to have a fun evening.”

“Don’t. I’m glad we talked about this. I want to be here for you.”

“Thank you,” Darron nodded, taking a short pause before continuing, “do you think I should tell her siblings? They deserve to know, right?”

“I think you should. I know Lady Antra will understand.”

“Hopefully they’ll all understand.”

Though Darron didn’t care if he might get beat up by her brothers, he did worry most about Lord Brynden’s opinion on this. That night, Rhea had gone to Brynden to talk about marriage. Darron remembered how hopeful he had been and how quickly that hope had been crushed when he went to Rhea’s tent that night. He didn’t know if Brynden would understand. Darron didn’t know what to expect from that conversation.

“I’m sure they will.”

“Or they might kill me. We’ll see,” he mumbled.

“They wouldn’t.”

“But they could.”

“They have no reason to kill you, Darron.”

To that, Darron just shrugged. He figured it wouldn’t go that far, but he expected anger out of them. Shock would definitely be an emotion. Darron just hoped that none of them would think badly of Rhea. She had done nothing wrong when it came to this. Darron wouldn’t let any blame fall on Rhea, because that wouldn’t be fair on her. Though he doubted her siblings would do such a thing anyway.

“Do you want to stay here?”

“I can stay if that’s alright with you.”

“Of course.”

“I don’t want to bother you, though.”

“You don’t bother me. I’m glad you managed to open up and tell me.”

At least it made Elias glad. Darron wasn’t entirely sure if it was because of who Elias was or if he was just so desperate to finally vent to someone. He couldn’t explain why he felt so comfortable around Elias in such a short amount of time, but he didn’t really want to think much about it. Darron just wanted to be around Elias, he didn’t really want to dig through his mind to try and understand why that was so.

“I suppose I just needed to tell someone this.”

“Have you kept it to yourself for this long?”

“I talked about it to Lady Aryana. I don’t think that I told her everything, though.”

“Perhaps you should.”

“Perhaps.”

Darron didn’t think there’d be anything wrong with telling Aryana the whole truth. She’d already heard most of it, it would only be right to have her know everything. Obviously, only if she wanted to hear it. Darron wouldn’t force her to hear his sob story, that’d just be stupid. As Darron thought about how to approach this, Elias moved to lay down on the bed and that brought him out of his thoughts. The conversation made him exhausted, and Darron didn’t really hesitate to lay down next to him.

“I imagine you miss her.”

“Every day.”

“It’s so unfair.”

“It really is.”

When Elias wrapped his arms around him, it felt so comfortable that Darron wasted no time to press back against him. He wanted to be held, and there was nothing embarrassing about that in his mind. Darron was upset, and he needed help. It just felt nice and nothing about it that could be perceived as wrong really mattered to Darron at the moment. He heard Elias chuckle behind him as he held him close.

“Tell me something.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Holding Darron seemed like the best thing Elias could do now. He knew it was comforting whenever he was upset to be held, no matter if it was a lover or friend with their arms around him. This time Elias was holding a friend. It was clear that Darron was distraught, that he likely needed someone to comfort him. But Elias doubted that he would be able to fix anything. Death was a cruel and unfair thing in some situation. In this it definitely was.

For a moment Elias thought that Darron would appreciate the silence that had settled between them. Then he asked for Elias to tell him something which caught him off guard. What was there to talk about? Earlier it had seemed like a good idea to tell Darron about Antra, but that was before he had told him about Rhea. Now it didn’t seem like a good idea anymore, and usually, he had many stories to tell, now he felt as if he had none.

“I’m not fond of whores either,” he mumbled as that was the first thing that came to his mind then. Whores.

"Well you sure talk a lot about them though."

That was true, but Elias truly did it more for the humorous aspect of things. Still, he chuckled, “that’s true.”

"So you don't have any Southern whores?"

Though Elias was trying to lighten the atmosphere a little, Darron sounded upset. He didn’t really expect things to get easier for him. Losing both your lover and child had to be so difficult, especially to murder. He truly couldn’t imagine what that pain must have felt like, but he was trying to understand. Still it felt nice to talk about something else than death. Perhaps it would distract Darron enough to feel at ease for a little while.

“No, I don’t, sadly.”

"A wife then?"

“I’m not married. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you that whores never interested me.”

"So... Men, then?"

Gods, Elias couldn’t hold back a chuckle at that question, mostly because he knew what he had done in the past and what kind of thoughts he sometimes had whenever he was drunk and not in control of his body. Now that Darron had opened up to him it was only fair if he would be honest as well. He didn’t like men like that. Whatever had happened in the pasts were mistakes, or at least so he thought. He liked women, but perhaps he liked both.

“I did sleep with a man once,” Elias mumbled.

Darron shrugged, "not very surprising."

“I do like women though.”

"If you say so."

“Believe me, I do,” Elias chuckled.

Was it truly not surprising that he had slept with a man? He for sure could have never assumed such a thing about anyone else. Though he had been very interested in holding Darron that night when they had been drunk. Perhaps that was why. Either way, Elias wasn’t offended by it. If anything he found it funny, because he knew for certain that he did like women. He loved Antra, and she was the person he wanted to spend his life with.

"So... Both?"

“I’m not sure. Does that bother you?”

"No. As long as you don't try anything with me,” Darron chuckled quietly, almost silent enough where Elias wouldn’t have noticed it had he not listened.

“I wouldn’t do that. You’re my friend.”

"Good."

Hopefully Darron trusted him on that as Elias was laying there holding him tight against his chest. It did feel strange to tell someone else about his secrets that no one knew, but it also felt good. If anything it helped him understand himself more, and now he knew for sure that he wanted to tell Antra that he had slept with Arthor in the past. He still wasn’t sure if he liked men or not, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was honesty.

Elias grew silent then as he laid there, holding his arms around Darron still as he listened to their breathing. Whatever he had thought of while drunk didn’t matter either. He had been frustrated, and Darron had been the closest person to him at that time. That as the explanation that sounded the best to Elias. They were just friends, and Elias wasn’t interested in Darron like that. He imagined he never would be either. Ruining their friendship was the last thing he wanted right now. He was learning so much from Darron.

"Just once?" Darron asked, breaking the silence.

“Perhaps more than once,” Elias mumbled.

"Sorry, I'll stop."

“I don’t mind. Ask away if you have any questions.”

"With one man?"

“Yes.”

Though Elias had imagined things he shouldn’t have while drunk with Darron, it was only Arthor who he had been with like that, and he was likely the only person he could be with like that. But that was in the past.

"Oh."

“What?”

"It's interesting, that's all."

“I suppose,” Elias chuckled.

Perhaps it was interesting. Elias had never really thought much about that before until now. Whenever things had happened between him and Arthor they had never talked about it. The both of them had simply ignored it. He wasn’t sure why it was like that, but now he suddenly wondered why since talking to Darron about it made him think about that. It didn’t really matter though since Elias still considered it to be something that had just happened in the past.

 

[desti]

At least this was distracting Darron a little. It wasn’t doing wonders and Darron thought he would think about what had happened for days now, but at least it didn’t make him feel as miserable as he would’ve felt if he was alone. Usually, Darron would just go and be lonely whenever he would feel like shit. Now he would stay with Elias, and maybe it would be different this time.

Talking about something as silly and meaningless like who Elias fucked or didn’t fuck was maybe just what Darron needed. It was stupid and irrelevant, Darron didn’t really care about it. It was something to talk about though, something that took Darron’s mind off of things. He didn’t judge Elias or think any less of him - what he did in his free time was none of Darron’s business.

Not like it was really, surprising, anyways. Darron couldn’t really explain it in words, but Elias just seemed like the kind of man. If that even made sense. Though Darron realised that it wasn’t right of him to think such things, as he’d seen bigger, burlier men than Elias be interested in the same things. Darron wasn’t into it, but he didn’t think there was anything really wrong with it either.

“Is that who you’re coming home to?”

"Yes, it is."

“Good luck to you then,” Darron shrugged.

"We're just friends."

“Oh, really?”

Now, Darron had done a lot of stupid things in the past. The one thing that he’d never done, though, was fuck a friend. That’s not how that worked, at least in Darron’s mind. Friends were friends, fucking them seemed like an incredibly stupid idea. Darron didn’t exactly believe what Elias was telling him, but perhaps Elias had a different idea of what friendship meant. Maybe that meant that Darron shouldn’t lay so close against him.

"I swear."

“Is that what Southerners do with friends?”

"I promise you that we are just friends."

“If you say so.”

"I promise."

“Sure,” Darron chuckled quietly.

"I love someone else."

When Elias said it, it didn’t really sound like he meant to let it out. Darron didn’t know if he wanted to push it, but at the same time it did make him a little curious. Was it someone at camp? Or maybe Elias had someone else in the South? Maybe it was just another friend that he was fucking.

“Oh?”

"And she loves me."

“That’s good,” Darron nodded a little.

"So trust me. The friend I have waiting for me in the South is just my friend."

“Sure.”

"Would you believe me if I told you who my lover is?"

“Go ahead.”

"Lady Antra."

That made Darron pause a little. He didn’t really know her, he’d only seen and heard of her in passing. So, really, Darron couldn’t know if that was surprising or not. He did find it a little amusing that they were both with Lord Brynden’s sisters. Though Darron hoped that Elias wouldn’t have to suffer like he had.

“Lady Antra?”

“Yes.”

“How’d that happen?”

"She showed me the camp when I first arrived, and then a few days after she kind of saved me while I was being welcomed by the Northmen."

“Well… I guess Brynden can kill us both then.”

"Gods, I don't even want to think about that."

“Are you going to tell him one day?”

"I don't know. Perhaps before I leave while I'm on a horse."

That sounded like a good idea. Darron didn’t expect Brynden to be very happy to hear this, though he wasn’t really that close to the man. When Rhea had gone to talk to him, she’d never even mentioned Darron’s name. It must’ve been because they both knew that would end up badly, but Darron couldn’t quite remember anymore.

“That sounds like a good idea.”

"We're fools."

“That’s very true.”

At that Elias chuckled and pulled Darron closer. He didn’t mind, so he just shifted a little to get a bit more comfortable in the way he was laying. If someone would walk in, then Darron didn’t know what they’d think of this, but he didn’t really care all that much anyway. He was getting comforted by a friend and whoever else could fuck themselves if they thought too much of it.

“What are you going to do?”

"When I have to leave?"

“Yes.”

"I don't know."

When Rhea was still there and Darron thought about what he would do after the war, he remembered how much he wished that this would all never end. He imagined that Elias probably must’ve felt the same way. Just like with him and Rhea, there probably wouldn’t really be any hope for Elias and Antra either. It was sad, but that’s just how things worked here.

“Well, good luck.”

"Thank you."

“I’m sorry.”

"For what?"

“It’s going to be horrible when you have to leave.”

"I know. I'll miss her."

There was nothing Darron could say that would make Elias feel better about this. He could say something meaningless like how he should just enjoy what they had had together, not think about what could’ve been, but Darron thought that was stupid. It would hurt Elias a lot and nothing Darron could say would make it any easier, so he didn’t even try. Instead, he patted Elias’ arm in an effort to show him that he was there for him before he became quiet again. They were both incredibly stupid for all of this, but at least they had that in common.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Reality
Chapter XCV
House Hastwyck
Sow knowledge, reap wisdom.
Santrella, Southern lands of Aedighar ​

For the first time in what seemed like forever, Leanah had slept in her own bed. It was foolish to sleep next to Arthor every single night. Then people would soon enough catch on and find out about them. But it was so damn difficult. The longing need to see Arthor was with her all the time. No matter how interesting something could be, her mind would always stray away from reality, and she would find herself daydreaming about him. The love she had for him was eating her up, consuming her mind and everything that mattered was Arthor. Nothing else.

When Leanah was summoned to her mother’s bedchamber, she was so far from reality to consider what it was for. All she could think about as she walked down the hallway was Arthor. It was always him, and it was foolish and slightly obsessive, but Leanah had never felt such love for someone before. She ran her fingers over the fine material of her dress, imagining Arthor pulling the fabric off of her later. A smile rested on her lips then.

Arthor had her completely smitten with him. Whatever it was that had developed between them had gotten so deep for Leanah now that she wondered if she would ever be able to stop. He was a difficult man to resist and knowing that she was in a way his made her too happy. Too often did she let her mind wander of what things would have been if they could marry. She would have been happy for the rest of her life then, spending it with a man she considered to be her lover and her best friend. They were so close, and they would always be close.

Once Leanah stood outside the wooden door that led to her mother’s bedchamber, she pushed all those thoughts away. Perhaps it was serious? No, it couldn’t be. If anything she was expecting to have a nice conversation with her mother about something. It always felt nice to talk to her. Leanah had always felt like she could be honest with her mother, but she knew she hadn’t been. If they’d speak about Arthor then maybe she’d mention the truth.

Leanah raised her hand, gently tapping her knuckles against the door. That smile was still tugging at her lips as her mother opened the door. Nothing about this was worrying to her. She was so naive to the reality of the world she lived in. The war hadn’t even bothered her much because she barley knew anything about it. Arthor wasn’t helping her there. He was only making her more naive to everything, and she had gotten so used to that now.

“Leanah,” her mother said as she let Leanah inside.

“Mother,” Leanah replied before walking deeper into her bedchamber.

As a child, she had spent so much time in that bedchamber. Leanah could recall evenings where she would sit with her arms wrapped tightly around her mother wanting to be comforted for something that had bothered her. Mostly she knew she had gone to her mother because she wanted attention, but also because she felt scared regarding her brother’s sickness. Though she had been jealous of him at times, she had also worried about him.

"Sit down. How are you?"

Leanah did as she was told, walking over to the bigger table in the room. She pulled the chair out before sitting down, sighing at the comfort of being with her mother, “I’m good. What about you, mother?”

"I'm great. Do you want to know why? I have some news for you."

A frown grew on her face then. Leanah thought she looked happy, were the news good? Had they won the war? Only now did Leanah realise she hadn’t thought about the war in what felt like forever. Those were good news, and quickly her frown faded as she assumed that those were the news her mother would tell her. What else could it be? She couldn’t think of anything else that would make her feel great and looking happy.

“What is it?”

"I've found you a husband."

Her heart sank to her stomach at those words. The smile that had been resting her lips faded and her eyes that had radiated happiness before were now looking away from her mother. A husband. That wasn’t right. She wasn’t supposed to get married now. That wasn’t what she wanted, nor what she needed. Arthor was the one she loved, and Leanah felt as if she had lost the ability to breathe and speak then as reality came crashing down.

"You knew this would happen eventually."

“I’m not ready,” she mumbled, raising her hand to brush her hair behind her ear.

"I'm afraid that's irrelevant."

Nothing about this was okay. Leanah was so deeply in love with Arthor that she couldn’t even imagine marrying another man. He was the one she wanted to marry. She had imagined it so many times now that she had grown attached to the thought. Now all her dreams were being crushed, and Leanah felt Arthor slipping through her fingers while she so desperately tried to hold onto him. This couldn’t happen now.

“I don’t want to.”

"Whether you want to or not doesn't really matter."

Leanah sighed, raising both her hands to cover her face as she rubbed her eyes gently. The last thing she wanted to do now was cry. She didn’t want to cry in front of her mother. Suddenly she felt like the room was growing smaller and smaller. It was suffocating her, and Leanah wanted to leave and pretend she hadn’t heard anything. Once again her need to escape reality found her, but she was stuck in it now.

“What if I refuse?” Leanah asked though she knew well she had no choice.

 

[desti]

After months of trying to find Leanah a worthy match, Carlys had finally succeeded. It was right in time too - the war seemed to be going to an end, and Carlys wanted Leanah to marry as soon as possible after that would be done. It was just better that way, she knew that. Then she could truly begin teaching Leanah how to rule. Everything was falling into place.

Every day Carlys still thought of Timos and what had happened, but she knew that soon his spirit would leave her be. Lord Rhyne was winning the war, and that meant that the King would be dead. That would ease Carlys’ heart and then she could be happy again. A life for a life, that sounded fair. Though it hadn’t exactly been that way - it had been Timos’ life for the lives of Elaria, Justan, the Queen and soon the King.

Perhaps Ashara and the new Queen, too, would be killed? While Carlys wouldn’t have spared them, she had a suspicion that Brynden might have a softer heart than her. In her mind, the Wynvers were a pest and just like rats they all had to be killed so that they wouldn’t come back. It wasn’t Carlys’ decision though, so it didn’t quite mater what she thought of it all.

The only other thing that bothered her was the situation with Sir Overton. If it was purely her decision, then Carlys would’ve gotten rid of him the second she found out about what had happened to Leanah because of him. But Leanah had told her that she didn’t want that, and Carlys loved her daughter too much to hurt her like that, even if she knew that it would be for the better if Arthor would leave the castle.

Because of Leanah, Arthor was still there. Carlys had liked the man previously, but now she wasn’t sure what to think about him. His image would be forever tainted in her mind because of all of this, and there was nothing Leanah or he himself could say that would change her thoughts. Perhaps it was stupid, but Carlys did have a nasty habit of having a hard time letting go of grudges.

It was hard to look at him whenever he was guarding her. Carlys knew that he had picked up on her anger towards him, so he wasn’t as talkative and relaxed as before around her. That was fine with her. Arthor could think whatever he wanted. Perhaps if he’d grow to hate her, then he’d leave her service on his own.

Now, Carlys knew that Sir Overton wasn’t exactly the most intelligent man in her household. What surprised her was her own daughter’s attitude and thoughts about this, though. Carlys thought that Leanah was too smart to do stupid things like this, but apparently she had been wrong. She had held out hope that Leanah would make the right decision, but once she found out that nothing had ended between her daughter and her guard, Carlys grew disappointed in her daughter.

Obviously that wasn’t what she wanted. Leanah wouldn’t take the news good, and Carlys realised that, but it was her own fault. Now she would know that her actions had consequences. Perhaps Leanah would grow to regret what had happened between her and Sir Overton and realise that it had just been a youthful mistake made by two people carried away by temptations.

Either way, Leanah would marry. That was set and done. Lord Adian would come to Santrella as soon as he could to meet with Leanah. Carlys had met the young Lord before and his father before then, and she thought that she had made a good decision. He was smart and kind, someone that would love Leanah and treat her the way she should be. Through it all, it made Carlys happy to know that her daughter would be in safe hands. When Carlys would be gone, Leanah would need someone like Lord Adian by her side.

“You can’t refuse.”

"Why not?"

“Because it’s my decision.”

"I can't."

“Oh? Why’s that?”

In a way, it was almost annoying Carlys for Leanah to act like this. She knew that she would have to marry eventually. Carlys had been so careful to pick out a man that she would like, and now she felt like her hard work would’ve been for nothing. She knew very well why that was so, and that just made her even more annoyed with everything. Leanah had to realise that that part of her life was over, even if she enjoyed it.

"Does it matter?"

“No, because it won’t change anything.”

"I will never love him,” Leanah looked at her then, and Carlys didn’t quite like the way she did that.

“I’m talking about marriage, not love.”

"I will be miserable."

“Still, you are going to marry.”

"You want me to be miserable?"

“Of course not.”

Carlys couldn’t help but scoff at that. She wanted her daughter to be happy, of course she did. That was all she cared about, but Leanah had made the decision to be miserable herself. She could’ve been smart and ended whatever it had been between her and Arthor, but she hadn’t. That wasn’t Carlys’ fault, it was only Arthor and Leanah’s. It was hard to see Leanah cry then, but Carlys knew that this had to happen at some point. In a way, she had readied herself for this.

“Lord Warrin is a good man. You’ll have enough time to get to know him before the wedding.”

"I don't want him. I'm in love with Arthor."

That did surprise Carlys a little bit, because she hadn’t expected Leanah to actually be in love with him. She thought it wasn’t that deep between them, but apparently she had been wrong. It didn’t make her happy, obviously. Leanah deserved to fall in love, but not with Arthor.

“What is between you and Arthor, Leanah, is a mistake.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

The desperation in Leanah wouldn’t stop. Ever since the evening in her bedchamber where they had become lovers, all she could imagine doing in her life was loving Arthor. Before that, she had thought about her role as the heir of Santrella, how important it was for her to learn the system of politics and economics. One day she would take over all the responsibility, but as soon as she had gotten lost with her lover, her priorities had changed and deep down somewhere in her mind, Leanah knew it wasn’t right, nor was it good. It was so very wrong.

All her life Leanah had been used to the high expectations people had to her. She knew she would be married and she knew that she would have to bring the future heir into the world. That was her duty. It wasn’t something she would be able to run away from without betraying everyone, and Leanah didn’t want that. She craved her mother’s affection and running away only meant she would lose that love and care.

But she was blinded by love. Her thoughts were clouded, and she had grown foolish with Arthor. When was the last time her days hadn’t revolved around him? Had she ever stopped to think about her own future, the real future? Gods, it felt as if the world around her was crumbling beneath her feet, and that perfect image in her head was being torn apart. The words her mother said were hurtful to her, but they were the truth. The harsh truth of her mistakes that Leanah so deeply wanted to be everything else but a mistake. Arthor couldn’t be a mistake.

That was exactly what he was.

Their love was the biggest mistake that Leanah could have ever committed. As she sat there, she was slowly starting to realise how she barely recognised herself anymore. Love messed with her head, and for the past few months, all she had done was think about Arthor, not even stopping to think about what the future held for her. That wasn’t like her. Surely she was naive, but now she felt foolish and pathetic for how she had let herself get weak and so selfless for love. Leanah was disappointed, but at the same time how could she give up on him?

“I know,” she mumbled quietly, her gaze falling to her hands that laid against her lap.

"What did you think was going to happen?"

Leanah shrugged at her question, “I wasn’t thinking.”

"Obviously. I thought you were smarter than this."

Once Leanah had thought she was a smart and responsible person, that she was a Lady who wanted to do her duty for her family, but now she wasn’t sure anymore. Hearing her mother say those words didn’t make it easier for her as she already felt like the biggest fool in Aedighar. Her bottom lip trembled as she tried to speak and no words came out when her lips parted. All that came was the sound of her ragged breathing.

“I’m sorry,” she managed to quietly say.

All of this meant she would have to speak to Arthor and Leanah dreaded it. She would have to push him away, but she knew as soon as she would see him again she would want him to embrace her, maybe press a few kisses against her lips. That would have to end, and it was easy for her to think now that it could be done when he wasn’t here, but Gods, she knew that she didn’t want to let him go. Her mother stayed quiet, and Leanah glanced up at her, wondering what she was supposed to do now. It didn’t seem like she was happy with her at all.

"I will forgive you once you put whatever this is behind you. That's in the past now."

“Do you know how difficult that is? How am I supposed to do that?”

"You put yourself in that situation. It's your task to get yourself out of it."

“I didn’t mean to fall in love with him,” Leanah scoffed, feeling frustrated with the situation.

"You should've stopped it before that happened."

Leanah rose from the chair then, looking at her mother with a frown, “it isn’t that easy.”

Now she was growing frustrated with her mother more than the situation of marriage itself. Leanah felt lost, and she knew she would have to speak to Arthor about ending whatever they had going on. That would be difficult, but her mother was only making her feel worse about everything. If anything this wasn’t helping her at all. She knew her mother couldn’t pull her out of this mess of a situation, but was advice too much to ask for?

"Either way, you have no other choice but to figure out how to move on from that."

“I know. Don’t you think I realise how foolish I have been? All I asked for was advice, but it seems like I can’t expect my own mother to care for me.”

"Why should I try to give you advice? Obviously you didn't listen to me at all the last time we spoke of this."

“Well, I’m sorry I am not as perfect as Timos was.”

“Leanah.”

“Do you secretly wish it was me who died that day instead of him?”

It was often Leanah felt angry, but right now she was both angry with herself and her mother. She knew she was stupid, but she wanted to try to make it better, or at least she had wanted to. Now she wasn’t sure of what to do anymore. Would it even be worth it to try to please her mother and end things with Arthor?

 

[desti]

Obviously it shouldn’t have, but Leanah was making Carlys angry. She wanted to be supportive and help her daughter, but at the same time the situation was ridiculous. Leanah should’ve known better, yet she kept making the same mistake. It was so stupid, Carlys couldn’t understand how her own daughter could do something like that. She still loved her the same, but, Gods, it almost felt as though she had failed to raise her right.

Did Leanah not realise what her duties were? Carlys had always told her that this day would come once. Leanah knew very well what was expected of her, because Carlys had told her all about it for all these years now. She thought that Timos had always understood his duty, and she had thought Leanah had as well. Obviously, she’d been wrong. It should’ve made Carlys happy that her daughter was in love, but it did the complete opposite.

When her daughter began to speak of Timos, it almost was the last straw for Carlys. She wanted to get up and order Leanah to go to her bedchamber, that she didn’t want to see her again until her husband would arrive. Instead Carlys calmed herself and reasoned that Leanah was just very upset, and therefore the anger inside her was uncontrollable. She just needed to calm down. She didn’t actually think something as horrible as that.

“How can you say something so horrible?”

"I don't know."

“Sit down.”

At least Leanah listened to her then. Carlys almost half-expected Leanah to throw another fit and refuse to do as she said. It was good that she didn’t, because Carlys had no wish to actually argue with her daughter. She hated it, she’d always hated it. Carlys thought that every parent likely felt the same.

“You’re angry, which is understandable. However, you cannot put it out on me as though it’s my fault.”

"I'm sorry. I know it isn't your fault."

“And there’s nothing I can do to help you. This is something you have to do yourself, without my help or advice.”

"I don't want you to hate me."

“I could never hate you.”

Even though Leanah was making mistakes, Carlys still loved her with all her heart. She was her child, her little girl and nothing could change that. Even if Leanah would keep doing things Carlys disapproved of, she could never stay mad at her for long or lose her love for her. In a way, Leanah was her weakness, which wasn’t a good thing to have, but Carlys didn’t really care all that much.

"I'm sorry."

“It’ll be alright.”

"Are you going to hurt him?"

“Only if you’d want me to. I suppose you don’t.”

If it was Carlys’ decision alone, then she would’ve made sure Arthor wouldn’t be anywhere near her daughter. She figured that Leanah didn’t want to lose Arthor permanently, though. They had been such very good friends before and perhaps that could survive through all of this, but Carlys doubted that slightly. Could they truly go back to being just friends after everything that had happened?

"I don't want you to. I'll handle it myself."

“Good.”

"Is he kind?"

That brought Carlys out of her thoughts about Sir Overton, which was very much appreciated. She would rather talk about Leanah’s future, not her past, because that interested her more and it was overall much more important than anything else. Now her slight anger had become small enough that Carlys could look at Leanah again without growing frustrated with her.

“Yes, he is. He’s a good man, Leanah. I hope you’ll give him a chance.”

"What if I never stop loving Arthor?"

“That wouldn’t be good for anyone involved.”

This time when Leanah began crying, Carlys couldn’t sit there and do nothing. She wanted the best for her daughter, and she thought that eventually she would learn to be happy with her new husband. Leanah couldn’t keep Arthor in her heart forever. This was likely just a young love that would soon be over with, or at least Carlys hoped so. She reached over to take Leanah’s hand in hers, giving it a gently squeeze to show her that she was there for her.

"He means so much to me. Even if I didn't love him, he would still mean everything to me. I can't help it."

“You don’t have to cut Arthor out of your life completely, if the two of you can control yourselves.”

"I'm sorry that I disappointed you."

“It’s alright, Leanah,” Carlys said, squeezing her hand again.

"No, it isn't."

“You’re right, it’s not. There’s nothing you can do about it now but end it, though.”

“I will.”

“Good,” Carlys nodded and pulled her hand away as she leant back in her chair again, “it’s for the best, Leanah.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Letting Arthor go was the best option. Leanah knew there was no other way and that it would only cause everyone so much more pain if she were to hold onto Arthor. What no one would be able to understand was how painful it was. It tore at her heart as she tried to prepare herself of what would happen when she had to tell Arthor about this. How would she be able to push the love she had for him away? That didn’t matter. Again and again, Leanah repeated to herself that it was for the better. No matter how much she loved him, she had to stop.

There were many things Leanah regretted now, but falling in love with Arthor was not one of them. What they had shared with each other had been beautiful and filled with memories she would likely remember and cherish for life. Every morning they had woken up together, and every evening they had spent together would linger on her mind for years, but she knew she would have to think fondly of them, not longingly.

Leanah couldn’t let herself get blinded by temptations. Though Arthor was quite difficult to resist, she knew that it had to end. Just the thought of that was enough to make her feel her heart sink to her stomach again. Now she wished that she wouldn’t have to tell him, that someone else could do it for her and then they would never speak to each other again, but she didn’t want that. She wanted Arthor even if he couldn’t be her lover.

Perhaps they could go back to being friends again. Leanah hoped so, but most of all she couldn’t help but hope that they could stay as lovers in secret from everyone else. It was a stupid thought that she quickly pushed away only for it to come rushing back into her mind. Why was he so difficult to let go of? Gods, never had she felt so pathetic, but she couldn’t help it. No matter how wrong it was. She felt so hopeless and alone then.

“Tell me about him,” Leanah mumbled.

"He's Lord Adian Warrin. He's been in Santrella a few times, though I don't know if you've ever been formally introduced."

“I don’t think so. I can’t remember.”

That name wasn’t one she could recall. Perhaps Leanah had seen him without knowing before, but she didn’t know who he was. She had said that he was kind and that he was a good man. Leanah wanted to believe that because she could never imagine herself in a miserable marriage, but she had been so caught up in the thought with Arthor that it was difficult imagining herself with someone else than him. She didn’t like it.

"Doesn't really matter, you'll meet him soon enough."

“What if he doesn’t like me, and what if I don’t like him?”

"You can't think like that."

“I don’t mean to,” she sighed.

"It's alright. I know it's scary."

It was terrifying. Leanah would spend the rest of her life with someone she didn’t even know. It was so much easier for her to imagine her life with a person she had known for so long and that she knew loved her. This man would be a stranger to her, and she could only imagine the worst then. Leanah knew she would have to think of her duties, but what if Lord Adian wasn’t a kind man? What if he would be horrible towards her?

“I’m terrified.”

"It'll be alright, Leanah. I promise I was very careful with this decision."

“Okay,” Leanah nodded.

"He's going to arrive soon. I wanted to give you some time to get to know him."

“Thank you.”

Leanah knew she was lucky to have her mother then. There were so many stories that Leanah had been told by her septa of women who had married their husbands before ever speaking to them. Marrying a stranger sounded terrifying, but wasn’t it quite common? Leanah was thankful that she would get time to know Lord Adian though she truly had no interest to even see him now that her mind was still hooked on Arthor.

"Please try to give him a chance."

“I’ll try.”

"Thank you."

“Do I have to stay?”

"I suppose you can leave, if you'd like."

At that Leanah rose from her chair. She didn’t want to bother her mother anymore. When she heard her stand up too, Leanah didn’t bother to raise her gaze to look at her. At least not until she heard her mother speak again.

"I'm sorry, Leanah."

“It’s okay.”

"Are you going to be alright?"

Then her mother stepped closer to her and Leanah glanced down at her hand that went to rest against her shoulder. Leanah shrugged, not really knowing if she’d be alright. It all depended on how she would handle this situation with Arthor. The hug she received was needed, and Leanah didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around her mother as she leaned her head against her shoulder.

"I love you."

“I love you too,” Leanah mumbled while she felt her mother stroke her hair. It was comforting, and she knew that in the end, her mother was right about everything. She had always been, and Leanah had been foolish for not listening to her, but she would now. She had to. There was no other choice.

 

[desti]

Conversations.
Chapter XCVI
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar​

They were getting close to Wheldrake now, everyone knew that, even Antra. There was a buzz in the whole camp. For some it was fear, for some it was excitement. Antra wasn’t quite sure what to feel about it, though. It was a complicated matter. On one hand, she wanted it all to end and just leave it all behind her, but on the other hand there was the issue of Elias and Aryana.

The war had taken people away from her, people she loved and cared for so much. At the same time, it had also given her a man she loved and a dear friend. To her, it also felt like the war brought her, Willelm and Brynden a little closer together, which she liked a lot too. Those were things Antra felt grateful for, why she wouldn’t want to forget the war, no matter how much some memories hurt to think of.

With Aryana, things were a little easier. Now that Antra knew that she would marry Brynden after all, she knew that they would still see each other quite often, probably. That calmed Antra’s mind a little, as she now knew that she wouldn’t permanently lose Aryana. She loved her friend so much, and she was so very happy that things between her and Brynden hadn’t completely gotten ruined.

Elias was a different thing entirely, though. Antra didn’t know what would happen after the war with him, she supposed he’d return to Santrella and she’d go wherever to be married to some Lord as a thank you for their help in the war. Obviously that would probably mean that whatever they had wouldn’t be able to continue. Antra would still love him as a friend, though, if he’d let her. He just made her so happy that she wanted to keep her in her life, no matter the form of relationship they had.

It was obviously foolish what was going on, but Antra didn’t think she’d be too sad when Elias would inevitably leave. She thought that she would just be happy about what they had had, and feel grateful for everything. Or perhaps that was just wishful thinking. Antra remembered how she’d felt when Aryana left, and then she hadn’t even known the girl for too long. She imagined now it’d be ten times as bad.

Now that the war was coming to an end, Antra found herself cherishing the moments with Aryana and Elias even more than she did before. It was like an obsession of hers to spend as much time with them as possible and Antra wondered if she was getting annoying with her clinginess. She wasn’t ready to let them go yet, and she wanted to spend these next days or weeks with them as much as she could.

Just as Antra was about to go to Elias, he came to her. He entered her tent with a smile, and Antra couldn’t help but smile brightly when she heard him say her name. It almost made her stupidly giddy to hear him say it. There was just something about it that made her extremely happy and loved. Antra didn’t waste much time to walk across the tent and wrap her arms around his neck before leaning up to kiss him.

It always felt so wonderful to kiss Elias. Antra would never forget how it felt and she would cherish that feeling forever. She smiled into it and moved closer to him when Elias’ arms wrapped around her waist. Too soon, Elias pulled away from her and Antra leant back a little bit so she could look at him. He was so beautiful, she couldn’t help but move her hand to cup his face, stroking his cheek with her thumb.

“Hi.”

"We should talk."

That never meant anything well. Antra liked talking to Elias, obviously, but she was afraid that what he might have to say might just upset her. Still, she nodded a little at his words, “about what?”

"There's so much I haven't told you yet."

That made Antra think that maybe it wasn’t that bad. Maybe Elias had some nice stories that he wanted to share, Antra always liked those. She could listen to him talk for hours, and whatever it was that he wanted to tell her now would probably wouldn’t be an exception. Antra wasn’t exactly worried or scared of what he might say, as she doubted Elias could tell her anything too shocking.

“Like what?”

"Do you want to sit down?"

Instead of answering, Antra nodded and moved one of her hands down to hold onto his as she began walking backwards to her bed, eventually sitting down on the edge of it. Elias sat down next to her and still Antra held onto his hand as she turned slightly so she could be facing him a little more.

"Are you worried?"

“Not really.”

"There's something I haven't told you about Arthor."

“What is it? Is everything alright?”

"Don't worry. It is just something that happened in the past that I thought you deserved to know."

“Tell me,” Antra said, smiling a little at him.

"I slept with him."

That took Antra a second, but she understood what she meant and it did confuse her a little. Did that mean they were lovers? It did make it more understandable why Elias had been so upset when he thought Arthor had died. It didn’t really make Antra feel uncomfortable or anything, but it did make her confused.

“What?”

"It happened many years ago, but yes."

When Elias said that, Antra figured that that meant that Elias and Arthor weren’t together. At least they haven’t been for a while. That was good, because Antra didn’t want to be involved in something that could potentially hurt someone else, in this case Arthor. So hearing Elias say that, did calm Antra down, but she wanted to make sure, just in case.

“So you two aren’t…?”

"What?"

“Together.”

"We are just friends."

That’s not what friends did. At least not to Antra’s knowledge. Maybe in the South they did things differently, but she didn’t think that was appropriate anywhere else. It just seemed weird to her, and Antra didn’t really know what to think of it and Elias. She wasn’t judging him, but she still stayed as confused as before.

“Why would you sleep with a friend?”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

After the conversation with Darron, Elias was sure that he had to tell Antra about everything. There was no way of saying that they would both survive the war and that he would have the chance to meet her again to tell his stories. Since he believed that Antra could be the love of his life though they could never be together, he knew he wanted to share everything with her. Even the secrets that he had never thought of telling anyone before. Then they could talk all night and Elias would distract himself from the fact that soon he would have to leave.

Only when Elias started to think about his life he realised how little of it Antra knew. In a way he felt like Antra had opened up the opportunity for a new life, and that his old life was slowly fading away. That would likely change the moment he would be in Santrella again, but for now, he liked living like this with her. Just like Darron had helped him, Antra had helped him a lot as well to gain confidence and find himself through the mess that was his mind.

The thing that worried Elias was Antra changing her perspective about him, especially regarding his past affair with Arthor. When it came to his family, he only worried that reliving those memories would drag him back down again, but he also doubted that. She would be there to comfort him if he needed that, or he hoped she would unless she were to change her opinion about everything. Gods, he prayed she wouldn’t do that. Elias knew he loved her so much that the thought of his words ruining everything slightly frightened him. He didn’t want that.

Antra was a kind woman though. Never had she been rude towards him. She was always so caring, and Elias found it easy to trust her. He could see the warmth in her comforting gaze whenever they looked at each other. There was no way she would get angry with him. If so then he must have truly fucked up somehow, but again he doubted that would happen. But he would also make sure to be careful when it came to explaining.

When Elias mentioned what had happened between Arthor and him to Antra, it only seemed like she was confused. That was understandable. He would have for sure been confused too, but she didn’t seem angry or disappointed with him. That was a good sign, making it a little bit easier for Elias to breathe properly as he sat there at the edge of the bed with her. He tried to not lose himself in her beauty, wanting to focus on talking to her about this rather than getting tempted to end up doing something else. That could wait.

“We were young and drunk,” he explained.

"Very drunk, apparently."

“It did happen a few times too, but I promise you,” he said, pausing as he reached for her other hand, “we’re just friends.”

"Friends don't do that."

The number of times Elias had heard that now was slowly driving him mad with his own thoughts. He couldn’t seem to figure out what it had all meant between Arthor and him. They had never said anything to each other about that unless they were drunk. The Elias would be all over Arthor wanting to touch him. To him it had seemed like they were only friends, but perhaps he had been very fucking wrong since no one seemed to agree with him.

“Maybe we were lovers. I’m not sure. We never talked about that.”

"Are you attracted to him?"

“I was.”

"Not anymore?"

“I don’t know. I’m attracted to you. I don’t think about Arthor like that anymore.”

When Elias first had arrived at camp he had for sure felt that longing need to be with Arthor, but only when he had been drunk. Now when he thought about Arthor, he thought of him as his best friend, because that was what they were. Whatever had happened to them in the past didn’t matter, even if Elias might have still found him to be attractive. The person he loved was Antra, and he would always love her. If there was one person he wanted to be with it was her, and he hoped that she wasn’t getting some other impression with all of this information.

"What about when you go back home?"

Elias shrugged then, “nothing is going to happen when I go back home.”

"I'm not really worried about it. I guess I'm just curious."

“I hope that is true, because I love you, Antra.”

"I know. I love you, too."

Antra raised his hand, and Elias watched her as she pressed her lips against his skin. It felt reassuring, and he was glad that she understood that whatever had happened between Arthor and him was in the past. The only thing that had happened before he left was the evening in the library, but they had been very drunk then and they had only really kissed. That couldn’t mean that they were lovers or attracted to each other.

“Do you find it strange?”

"I only thought it was strange that you said you were just friends."

“I don’t know what we were to each other in the past, but now we are only friends,” he said as a reassuring smile tugged at his lips.