Idea
The Pun Tyrant
Hello everyone! How´s it going? So, I know a lot of people have a hard time keeping their RPs alive and I thought I might come out and give you all a hand. I don´t have all that much experience (only been RPing for like, four years), but I hope these tips can be nonetheless helpful:
1. DON`T come up with an actual plotline.
We all love those sandbox, free-for-all RPs who just have characters X, Y and Z sitting around in a random place and just chatting. And arguing. And making out. For the whole RP. I mean, who doesn´t feel constricted by those meddling GMs that take you away from your sanctuary where your character can happily discuss how all of their parents, relatives, lovers, friends, pets and milkman got killed in a horrible car accident right in front of their eyes when they were just a seven-year-old karate blackbelt and genius philanthropist? And all for the sake of "moving the story forward". I mean, if you joined a given RP with a given plot, that was OBVIOUSLY just so you could have your character have discussions in a vaccum, no?
2. DO make your character the center of the RP
It´s true to life that in every RP some characters should be more important than others. Namely, if you are the GM, who is to say your character shouldn´t be the thing the RP is all about? Remember that all events in an RP should center about one person/family, and that is your character´s. In fact, if there is any conflict at all, it must be YOU who is a pure, angelic victim of the circumstances. Grey areas? Bullshit! Everything must be one-sided, even if there are other character who do not belong to your faction. They clearly must be either rebels or evil people. And if they are on your side, then keep in mind they are decoration. They are there to help you pave the way to make your character shine, reach the spotlight that is ultimately where it belongs. Even better, find them a lover, the main character needs one, and take over the RP to be all about their relationship. Don´t worry, the other players can´t do a thing about it. You are a GM. Besides, it´s not like they were going to do much, with their posts lost in a sea of those between you and your love interest. Wonderful right? Remember, you are to achieve everything you forbid your players from doing, every riddle must solved only by you, and in certain cases, your character must literally be an arbitrary all-powerful being who´s just there to mess with everyone else´s characters and ruin the plans of their owners. So, they got a long lost secret they don´t want anyone to find. Well, YOUR voice in the sky should hear it from “inside their heart” and reveal it to everyone in a macrophone. Wouldn´t that be fun?
3. DON`T search for any players for your RP outside of your interest check, bump it!
Since you are obviously the most amazing person in the world and nobody could even begin to compare to you, surely everyone else sees it that way, and knows what you are and exactly what you at any time...dam paparazzi, always on your back! Anyway, the point is, you shouldn´t be fretting over the small things. Everyone in RPN is immediately warned the second an RP they might like pops up. To prove it, just look at the search section and see how there is ABSOLUTELY NO CASE OF REPETITION. Any and all RPs that are available are first taken by everyone searching for similar things, say, Harry Potter fandoms for example. No two people who could be RPing together ever miss the opportunity to check out every single search thread that pops up in hopes of finding the RP they want, rather than filling the search section with stuff that is already there a billion times. The important thing to remember is that if your thread is not wanted, you MUST be bumping it 24/7. Those other, new RPs don´t matter, don´t even bother checking them, just keep bumping yours or even better, create multiple threads for the same RP in the same section! This is particularly important to remember if your RP is posted not in the search section, but in the RP section. "search" is just a meaningless label, you know that to be true, you just can´t understand those morons who don´t and keep posting their search threads in the "1x1 search" section, instead of filling the fantasy section with 1x1s who really only have the owner.
4. DO skim through the character sheets when you´re deciding on whether to approve them
A character sheet is like those “disabled” signs in parking lots: Meaningless. In roleplaying, you are really just doing whatever is the most exciting at any given moment, so you shouldn´t really give a dam about good or bad characters: everyone´s accepted! Nevermind that rule that says “do not make OP characters”. What´s that even mean, right? It´s no problem at all, the weakest character in your RP can mind control the others, and the strongest can literally warp all of reality with a thought. In the end, that just means everyone will have more fun and play even fairer, because since when have human beings made mistakes? Since when do players care about their creations and want the fulfillment of winning battles? Speaking of battles, what´s with those silly people who keep claiming there is a battle between good and evil in each person? Your all mighty eyes can clearly see that people are either perfect saints or lonely, corrupted badasses (ok, sometimes both at the same time). And as previously mentioned, human beings obviously don´t make mistakes or ever get tempted or anything. So, surely, why should players need personality flaws? Just make them blind, and that will make up for them being generous, nice, chaste, the beacon of all hope, etc… But remember, and this is important: Whatever you do , DO NOT let them be consistent or concrete. The best personalities are always so vague you can´t really tell what they´ll do at all, or so inconsistent that they always end up doing the opposite of what is on the CS. Roleplay has nothing to with “taking the role of the character” after all. Besides, I´m sure the character grew a lot in those 0 posts before the first one. And since we´re on the topping of growing, do not, and I repeat, do not even GLANCE at the backstory. I mean it´s so long, and boring, what´s a couple details gonna do, anyway? So what they contracted with an elf in a scyfi story? So what they blew up the city the story takes place in a month before the story starts, thus making it impossible for the story to actually take place there? So what their parents died thrice with no explanation in that backstory? It´s not your problem. And surely, the character had no impact or used their backstory in the first 20 pages of RP. You can call them out on it later when they bring it up on IC (if you happen to read that post, that is).
5. DON`T make compromises for the good of the RP
Let´s face it. It´s YOUR RP. What does it matter what anyone else wants? If you say all of their characters are now lesbian African transgender females who workship Thor, who are they to say you can´t do that using magic poison none of them drank? Oh, what´s that? They DID drink! It was right there, when you shoved it down their mouths in your post. And they LIKED it! Muwahahahahaha! In all seriousness, though, there is only one person who really matters and that is you. The RP doesn´t need anyone else: Who says a 1x nobody RP can´t work out? So what they say you should go write a story instead of RPing… They´re just jealous cause their too lazy to make their own thing. Besides, they´re here to be worked like slaves and obey your every order. That´s what they signed up for, right? It´s what you meant by “I hope you have fun”, right? So, in the end, there is no need to meet anyone halfway. In the end, it´s not like your RP will die just cause those two players didn´t obey your unwritten rules. Who cares about being reasonable when you can have all the fun of Ebenezer Scrooge?
6. DON`T make sure you have time to maintain your RP beforehand
Look, players are grown-ups. They don´t need GMs babysitting them. That´s why they came up with the entire plot, characters and setting on their own, and the GM just sat on his chair and eating popcorn, not lifting a finger. And that was a good, excellet thing too! So, why not take the next step? The GM should just vanish. And when the RP dies, tell them: The totally unexpected "work" (that you´re contracted to do, contract that you likely agreed to or signed), suddenly popped up by a blood-thirsty hydra and you couldn´t spare 30 seconds to post in the OOC that you needed to do said work. And who can blame you if you created scenes that simply couldn´t go on without you, without any way of escaping them or solving them quickly so your absence wouldn´t have drastic effects? The players are patient people, with nothing else to do but wait for you to come back like dogs. Just remember to not overfeed those dogs by picking up someone responsible and politely requesting they help make sure the thread survives. That´s just despicable, players don´t have to be worrying about keeping the thread they RP on ALIVE! Who do the people who do that think they are?
7. DO use your authority to scoff any form of criticism or suggestion that deviated from your original plans
As GM, you are a flawless being. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. I mean, site rules say you technically own everything and have the RIGHT to do whatever it is you want with the thread. So, why shouldn´t you? You don´t OWN explanations to anyone. They should have thought twice before posting that character that took them three days to write and code! How dare they say the things you say don´t make sense? And why should you waste your time explaining yourself? You´re way way more civilized than any of them, and that´s why your work is so much more important that they have to trial-and-error until they manage to read your mind about how things work. As Charles Xavier told Magneto: “You said it yourself, we´re the better men. This is the time to prove it.” If the Charles Xavier can read minds, why shouldn´t the players?
8. DO expect fandom roleplays to work even if you´re missing key information that was present in the original.
When it comes to fandom roleplays, nobody is a bigger fan than me. I mean it! It´s such an amazing feeling to take some else´s work and warp it beyond recognition. But the best part? When you find out that nobody really knows how the setting works. It means everyone is free to make up their own rules, and doesn´t like a "little" chaos? It´s not like your log horizon RP really NEEDS the game mechanics to be functional, only pussies need "fairness". Besides, the more arbitrary and out of sinc with the feel of the original a fandom is, the better, right?
9. DO show off every little detail of extensive worldbuilding.
Look, it´s true: World building is bad. We all know it, if it gives you work, it´s a bad thing. I mean, who wants to spend time creating a cohesive world and opportunities to "explore it" , when you can jump head-first into it and make things up on the spot? However, for those unfortunate souls who do worldbulding, fear not: Since you started, you should make it as extensive as you possibly can, then shove it all up in the interest check. Make sure to spread the important parts as much as possible, because players will be immediately invested in the backstory of the world YOU alone created, will find your extensive backstory to be so interesting and easy to understand and read through that they will immediately jump to your RP.
10.DO be an elitist as much as possible
Here´s one last tip for the go. You know all those new players who just arrived and are eager to learn and eager to be active and fierce in participating in your RP? It could be their dream RP, it could be the very reason why they joined the site… Well, TOO BAD!!! Why? Cause you´re here! You don´t need trash like them, that isn´t an English native speaker among English native speakers. He made THREE WHOLE TYPOS! In one post! How can that be permissible? Especially considering that really, they were all the same typo and one could easily correct their mistake…but who´s got that kind of time, am I right? And what to say of all those monsters that came to bash your RP without writing seven paragraphs on the 4th of July? Absurd! I mean, you saw them post on that one simple RP on the 4th. There isn´t that much of a difference, right? Nah, you´re better off with your group of close friends. Especially if you post a search thread, so you can rub it in all the faces of the newcomers just how tight your friendship really is. They won´t even be able to get a word in edgewise! Limited slots? Sorry, that was just for lols, they are actually all reserved already. But remember to always ask for writing samples or better yet, the entire CS. Why not have them work on those three-page sheets and then skim over and see who is copying a character you know? If anything deviates a little from what you had in mind, then it´s bad, right? I mean, it´s how you look at everything: Everything that isn´t the way you do it, is poorly done. Even if the person just spent hours waiting for your expertize in the PM reply, or if they spent four times that amount of time making a CS that in the end can never be used cause you ate some carrots that day and where not feeling like a approving a bunny character. Perhaps RPN should start charging for people staying. THAT would make people take things seriously!
PS: All of the above tips are satirical, with all the implications (in case somebody didn´t understand that already). Please do not take them seriously, or if you do, try to do the reverse of what they say. Thank you. Also, any mentions of ages, religions, sexual preferences, etc... are OBVIOUSLY either picked because I thought they fit in a funny way in the sentence, or had additional underlining criticism or some similar reason. None was intended to be offensive. Final note, to me "elitism" is a certain form of behavior where a person considers themselves superior to the point where they can look at a person´s writing and suddenly become the best psychologist/psychic in the world, thus being able to determine more or less everything about that person and thus determine if they are good or bad Rpers. Superior Rpers of their own class or some shitty person below. There are many moderate versions of this, and not all are really all that bad, though the criticism here is still geared towards them as well.
1. DON`T come up with an actual plotline.
We all love those sandbox, free-for-all RPs who just have characters X, Y and Z sitting around in a random place and just chatting. And arguing. And making out. For the whole RP. I mean, who doesn´t feel constricted by those meddling GMs that take you away from your sanctuary where your character can happily discuss how all of their parents, relatives, lovers, friends, pets and milkman got killed in a horrible car accident right in front of their eyes when they were just a seven-year-old karate blackbelt and genius philanthropist? And all for the sake of "moving the story forward". I mean, if you joined a given RP with a given plot, that was OBVIOUSLY just so you could have your character have discussions in a vaccum, no?
2. DO make your character the center of the RP
It´s true to life that in every RP some characters should be more important than others. Namely, if you are the GM, who is to say your character shouldn´t be the thing the RP is all about? Remember that all events in an RP should center about one person/family, and that is your character´s. In fact, if there is any conflict at all, it must be YOU who is a pure, angelic victim of the circumstances. Grey areas? Bullshit! Everything must be one-sided, even if there are other character who do not belong to your faction. They clearly must be either rebels or evil people. And if they are on your side, then keep in mind they are decoration. They are there to help you pave the way to make your character shine, reach the spotlight that is ultimately where it belongs. Even better, find them a lover, the main character needs one, and take over the RP to be all about their relationship. Don´t worry, the other players can´t do a thing about it. You are a GM. Besides, it´s not like they were going to do much, with their posts lost in a sea of those between you and your love interest. Wonderful right? Remember, you are to achieve everything you forbid your players from doing, every riddle must solved only by you, and in certain cases, your character must literally be an arbitrary all-powerful being who´s just there to mess with everyone else´s characters and ruin the plans of their owners. So, they got a long lost secret they don´t want anyone to find. Well, YOUR voice in the sky should hear it from “inside their heart” and reveal it to everyone in a macrophone. Wouldn´t that be fun?
3. DON`T search for any players for your RP outside of your interest check, bump it!
Since you are obviously the most amazing person in the world and nobody could even begin to compare to you, surely everyone else sees it that way, and knows what you are and exactly what you at any time...dam paparazzi, always on your back! Anyway, the point is, you shouldn´t be fretting over the small things. Everyone in RPN is immediately warned the second an RP they might like pops up. To prove it, just look at the search section and see how there is ABSOLUTELY NO CASE OF REPETITION. Any and all RPs that are available are first taken by everyone searching for similar things, say, Harry Potter fandoms for example. No two people who could be RPing together ever miss the opportunity to check out every single search thread that pops up in hopes of finding the RP they want, rather than filling the search section with stuff that is already there a billion times. The important thing to remember is that if your thread is not wanted, you MUST be bumping it 24/7. Those other, new RPs don´t matter, don´t even bother checking them, just keep bumping yours or even better, create multiple threads for the same RP in the same section! This is particularly important to remember if your RP is posted not in the search section, but in the RP section. "search" is just a meaningless label, you know that to be true, you just can´t understand those morons who don´t and keep posting their search threads in the "1x1 search" section, instead of filling the fantasy section with 1x1s who really only have the owner.
4. DO skim through the character sheets when you´re deciding on whether to approve them
A character sheet is like those “disabled” signs in parking lots: Meaningless. In roleplaying, you are really just doing whatever is the most exciting at any given moment, so you shouldn´t really give a dam about good or bad characters: everyone´s accepted! Nevermind that rule that says “do not make OP characters”. What´s that even mean, right? It´s no problem at all, the weakest character in your RP can mind control the others, and the strongest can literally warp all of reality with a thought. In the end, that just means everyone will have more fun and play even fairer, because since when have human beings made mistakes? Since when do players care about their creations and want the fulfillment of winning battles? Speaking of battles, what´s with those silly people who keep claiming there is a battle between good and evil in each person? Your all mighty eyes can clearly see that people are either perfect saints or lonely, corrupted badasses (ok, sometimes both at the same time). And as previously mentioned, human beings obviously don´t make mistakes or ever get tempted or anything. So, surely, why should players need personality flaws? Just make them blind, and that will make up for them being generous, nice, chaste, the beacon of all hope, etc… But remember, and this is important: Whatever you do , DO NOT let them be consistent or concrete. The best personalities are always so vague you can´t really tell what they´ll do at all, or so inconsistent that they always end up doing the opposite of what is on the CS. Roleplay has nothing to with “taking the role of the character” after all. Besides, I´m sure the character grew a lot in those 0 posts before the first one. And since we´re on the topping of growing, do not, and I repeat, do not even GLANCE at the backstory. I mean it´s so long, and boring, what´s a couple details gonna do, anyway? So what they contracted with an elf in a scyfi story? So what they blew up the city the story takes place in a month before the story starts, thus making it impossible for the story to actually take place there? So what their parents died thrice with no explanation in that backstory? It´s not your problem. And surely, the character had no impact or used their backstory in the first 20 pages of RP. You can call them out on it later when they bring it up on IC (if you happen to read that post, that is).
5. DON`T make compromises for the good of the RP
Let´s face it. It´s YOUR RP. What does it matter what anyone else wants? If you say all of their characters are now lesbian African transgender females who workship Thor, who are they to say you can´t do that using magic poison none of them drank? Oh, what´s that? They DID drink! It was right there, when you shoved it down their mouths in your post. And they LIKED it! Muwahahahahaha! In all seriousness, though, there is only one person who really matters and that is you. The RP doesn´t need anyone else: Who says a 1x nobody RP can´t work out? So what they say you should go write a story instead of RPing… They´re just jealous cause their too lazy to make their own thing. Besides, they´re here to be worked like slaves and obey your every order. That´s what they signed up for, right? It´s what you meant by “I hope you have fun”, right? So, in the end, there is no need to meet anyone halfway. In the end, it´s not like your RP will die just cause those two players didn´t obey your unwritten rules. Who cares about being reasonable when you can have all the fun of Ebenezer Scrooge?
6. DON`T make sure you have time to maintain your RP beforehand
Look, players are grown-ups. They don´t need GMs babysitting them. That´s why they came up with the entire plot, characters and setting on their own, and the GM just sat on his chair and eating popcorn, not lifting a finger. And that was a good, excellet thing too! So, why not take the next step? The GM should just vanish. And when the RP dies, tell them: The totally unexpected "work" (that you´re contracted to do, contract that you likely agreed to or signed), suddenly popped up by a blood-thirsty hydra and you couldn´t spare 30 seconds to post in the OOC that you needed to do said work. And who can blame you if you created scenes that simply couldn´t go on without you, without any way of escaping them or solving them quickly so your absence wouldn´t have drastic effects? The players are patient people, with nothing else to do but wait for you to come back like dogs. Just remember to not overfeed those dogs by picking up someone responsible and politely requesting they help make sure the thread survives. That´s just despicable, players don´t have to be worrying about keeping the thread they RP on ALIVE! Who do the people who do that think they are?
7. DO use your authority to scoff any form of criticism or suggestion that deviated from your original plans
As GM, you are a flawless being. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. I mean, site rules say you technically own everything and have the RIGHT to do whatever it is you want with the thread. So, why shouldn´t you? You don´t OWN explanations to anyone. They should have thought twice before posting that character that took them three days to write and code! How dare they say the things you say don´t make sense? And why should you waste your time explaining yourself? You´re way way more civilized than any of them, and that´s why your work is so much more important that they have to trial-and-error until they manage to read your mind about how things work. As Charles Xavier told Magneto: “You said it yourself, we´re the better men. This is the time to prove it.” If the Charles Xavier can read minds, why shouldn´t the players?
8. DO expect fandom roleplays to work even if you´re missing key information that was present in the original.
When it comes to fandom roleplays, nobody is a bigger fan than me. I mean it! It´s such an amazing feeling to take some else´s work and warp it beyond recognition. But the best part? When you find out that nobody really knows how the setting works. It means everyone is free to make up their own rules, and doesn´t like a "little" chaos? It´s not like your log horizon RP really NEEDS the game mechanics to be functional, only pussies need "fairness". Besides, the more arbitrary and out of sinc with the feel of the original a fandom is, the better, right?
9. DO show off every little detail of extensive worldbuilding.
Look, it´s true: World building is bad. We all know it, if it gives you work, it´s a bad thing. I mean, who wants to spend time creating a cohesive world and opportunities to "explore it" , when you can jump head-first into it and make things up on the spot? However, for those unfortunate souls who do worldbulding, fear not: Since you started, you should make it as extensive as you possibly can, then shove it all up in the interest check. Make sure to spread the important parts as much as possible, because players will be immediately invested in the backstory of the world YOU alone created, will find your extensive backstory to be so interesting and easy to understand and read through that they will immediately jump to your RP.
10.DO be an elitist as much as possible
Here´s one last tip for the go. You know all those new players who just arrived and are eager to learn and eager to be active and fierce in participating in your RP? It could be their dream RP, it could be the very reason why they joined the site… Well, TOO BAD!!! Why? Cause you´re here! You don´t need trash like them, that isn´t an English native speaker among English native speakers. He made THREE WHOLE TYPOS! In one post! How can that be permissible? Especially considering that really, they were all the same typo and one could easily correct their mistake…but who´s got that kind of time, am I right? And what to say of all those monsters that came to bash your RP without writing seven paragraphs on the 4th of July? Absurd! I mean, you saw them post on that one simple RP on the 4th. There isn´t that much of a difference, right? Nah, you´re better off with your group of close friends. Especially if you post a search thread, so you can rub it in all the faces of the newcomers just how tight your friendship really is. They won´t even be able to get a word in edgewise! Limited slots? Sorry, that was just for lols, they are actually all reserved already. But remember to always ask for writing samples or better yet, the entire CS. Why not have them work on those three-page sheets and then skim over and see who is copying a character you know? If anything deviates a little from what you had in mind, then it´s bad, right? I mean, it´s how you look at everything: Everything that isn´t the way you do it, is poorly done. Even if the person just spent hours waiting for your expertize in the PM reply, or if they spent four times that amount of time making a CS that in the end can never be used cause you ate some carrots that day and where not feeling like a approving a bunny character. Perhaps RPN should start charging for people staying. THAT would make people take things seriously!
PS: All of the above tips are satirical, with all the implications (in case somebody didn´t understand that already). Please do not take them seriously, or if you do, try to do the reverse of what they say. Thank you. Also, any mentions of ages, religions, sexual preferences, etc... are OBVIOUSLY either picked because I thought they fit in a funny way in the sentence, or had additional underlining criticism or some similar reason. None was intended to be offensive. Final note, to me "elitism" is a certain form of behavior where a person considers themselves superior to the point where they can look at a person´s writing and suddenly become the best psychologist/psychic in the world, thus being able to determine more or less everything about that person and thus determine if they are good or bad Rpers. Superior Rpers of their own class or some shitty person below. There are many moderate versions of this, and not all are really all that bad, though the criticism here is still geared towards them as well.
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