Experiences When they're just not that into it...

[salty_ moustachio]

So, I have this friend (yeah, let's go with that) and they were roleplaying with someone for a few months who was a frequent responder. It was really fun and things were going smoothly.

Then the roleplay partner looks for new plots and ignores my "friend" for some days.

It takes some prodding to get the roleplay partner to respond to the roleplays after asking them if they want to just quit the plots.

Now the roleplay partner has replied but my "friend" (totally not me *ahem*) isn't sure what to do now.

The roleplay was really great but now it's kind of tainted with feeling abandoned and not knowing if the only reason it's still going is because you nagged.

Has anyone been in this situation?

It's hard because it's like soooo difficult to find someone who you really connect with writing-wise and then when it's obvious that they're just not that into it, it really gets you down.

(And makes you want to listen to on repeat. Haha.)

What should "friend" do? Especially when the muse feels tainted. Give up on roleplaying for a while? Make the muse return by forcing a few replies?

Curious to see if others relate.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Well there is no law that says you can't take a hiatus or talk to the person about changing things up. Maybe do a different story in a shared universe as the current one. Do a reboot. Even just put the current one on hold altogether and ask the person if they want help with any new ideas.

I mean there isn't anything stopping you from coming back later or doing the plot with someone else. So yeah I would just talk to the person. Ask what's going on real life, if they want to add some of their new ideas to spice up the roleplay. Basically be a good friend. Let them know that you are interested in them outside of just the current plot line.

 

[salty_ moustachio]

Very good advice. ☺

But if they were like your main and sometimes your only roleplay partner and then you realize that you're probably not their main, it's just kind of a side thing for them.

I don't know. I can always try play around with something new though. I'm sure my muse will come back that way.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Very good advice. ☺

But if they were like your main and sometimes your only roleplay partner and then you realize that you're probably not their main, it's just kind of a side thing for them.

I don't know. I can always try play around with something new though. I'm sure my muse will come back that way.

Well I mean your friend doesn't only have to hang out with you. They can know other people and hang out with them and it doesn't make your friendship any less.

I would say maybe try to grab a QTIP aka Quit Taking It Personally ( lol I love this acronym so much. thnx job mandated training conferences )

Like I said it's not the end of the world if your friend has other friends. It doesn't mean your less important to them. There isn't some finite level of caring that people put into friendships.


And if you replace friendship with rolepays it's the same. I usually have multiple roleplays going on at once. Does that mean that they are all automatically less important to me than they are to my partners who only have one roleplay? Does it mean I'm "cheating" on Roleplay A by also doing Roleplay B and C. Of course not. It just means that I roleplay differently than some of my partners. Which is why I said talk to your friend. If you are feeling left out just let them know.

I mean I'm sure they know your talking about them in the thread but it never hurts to just be upfront about things. Also realize that again people can have more than one friend. People can have more than one roleplay partner. It isn't a matter of favorites.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Also it's not a huge deal to ditch a roleplay if your not feeling it as long as you let your partner know.

Or If you think your styles won't be compatible it's also fine to tell the person - Hey I'd love to keep chatting with you and being friends but I don't think our roleplay styles are compatible.

I've had multiple friends I've met on roleplay sites over the years that I couldn't roleplay with. Our styles didn't match, we didn't like the same aspects of roleplaying, our schedules never lined up right. But I still loved chatting with them and making friends.

You can be friends with someone and not be compatible in roleplays. You can also just be tired and not want to roleplay right now and come back later.

Honestly it's up to you. But don't feel like you have to force something out. And definitely just be honest with your partner.

If nothing else you might make a good friend you can hang out with while you wait for your roleplay muse to come back.

 

[salty_ moustachio]

People can have more than one roleplay partner. It isn't a matter of favorites.

I guess because I play favorites, I assume others are similar to me. But I guess it's not necessarily so.

And this isn't really about compatibility or friendship... and I've been dropped before but this was the only one that really hurt. Like, and then I probably hurt others because I tried to do a couple of role-plays over the last couple of days but I just couldn't do it... because my muse for roleplaying in general had taken a giant hit.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I guess because I play favorites, I assume others are similar to me. But I guess it's not necessarily so.

And this isn't really about compatibility or friendship... and I've been dropped before but this was the only one that really hurt. Like, and then I probably hurt others because I tried to do a couple of role-plays over the last couple of days but I just couldn't do it... because my muse for roleplaying in general had taken a giant hit.

Yeah most people don't play favorites. If they do they tend to only have one partner.

So yeah if you don't want to roleplay than just don't roleplay. There are plenty of other things to do on this site if you just want to hang out.

 

[Dreamtique]

It sounds like it's just that you are excited, you grew attached to the roleplay or even the roleplayer, and when they 'ditched' you, you felt heavily disappointed and thus your muse is affected.

With roleplay aside I think it's equally important to get to know your partner better through general chit-chatting and try to actually make real connection outside of your roleplay with your partner. Realistically speaking it's quite common for someone to put aside a rp because of real life problems or perhaps they had lost interest, it's inevitable. But I think what matters more and what you should do is to make sure your partner don't put aside 'YOU'. When both of you truly become friends, the death of an RP doesn't matter, you can always create more stories, together. Or maybe even revisit those dead RPs together whenever both of you feel like it.

So try to talk with them more! You may even find yourself a lifelong friend!

 

[salty_ moustachio]

It sounds like it's just that you are excited, you grew attached to the roleplay or even the roleplayer, and when they 'ditched' you, you felt heavily disappointed and thus your muse is affected.

Absolutely. But it's never happened to me before.

I think the ship might have sailed on that one. I don't think she really wants anything to do with me anymore. But I've learned something for next time and if I have a bit of a hiatus, I'm sure one day maybe I'll come back to it all again.

 

[Idea]

I will adress both the matter of the absense and the matter of the muse.

First, it is quite understandable that feeling you're experiencing. You probably feel like some special spot was robbed from you or like your connection wasn't as genuine as you thought. When I was starting out my roleplaying career, I had similar experiences. When I saw the person posting for someone else while I was waiting it used to feel like I wasn't good enough or like I was being abandoned.

To tell you the truth, there isn't much of a fix to be had. People are gonna have multiple partners and even if they didn't, there is still a mentality of "do I feel like it" that makes people way more prone to simply quitting. Cruel as it may sound, it's simply something one needs to learn to get over.

I'm not saying don't become attached, cause passion is definitely needed, but rather that passion like that cannot be dependent having some exclusivity with the other person.

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Personally, as it regards the muse at least, this is my advise: Stop relying on it.

The muse is a helpful thing. It brings inspiration and the will to write. But if you rely on it too much you will inevitably be unable to create good build-up, as there will always inevitably be slow moments and even more moments when your muse simply will not come for a long time. So you need to learn how to write without the muse.

Now, I know a lot of people will disagree with me on this, and even those that agree may follow very different methods to dealing with that matter than those I do. Personally, I am a planner by nature, so I prefer to work things out more or less ahead of time. That way even if I'm not inspired I still have content to put out.


I have a feeling that the way I worded this was far from the best, so I do apologize if any of it made you feel bad or anything. I do hope this proves helpful to you, however

Happy Rping!