Advice/Help Unanswered messages

[Im_just_here]

So I'm still new to this website and Roleplaying in general. I put myself out there trying to find partners, replying to request, all the good stuff. I've gotten a few replies, but its becoming very common after only a few messages for alot of people to just stop replying. I'm not even given the chance to scare them off with my writing.

Is this a common thing?

 

[Idea]

Yeah. Unfortunately ghosting is an everyday occurrence in RPN and a widely debated topic here in the discussion forums, from how to try and avoid it, to whether the ghosting person is within their right to, to what to do once ghosted on.

Still, rest assured not everyone will ghost on you! Also, it's not always that they stopped responding for ghosting or any ill reason either, depending on how long they haven't posted, it's possible they just went to sleep or that they got busy/sick.

 

[rae2nerdy]

So here are some tips to determine whether someone has ghosted (stop responding) or whether they're just caught up in IRL.

Tip 1 : Ask for a schedule of availability and a time zone.
You can't really do this if they've already left but in the future I would make this like the first thing I ask. And more-over I would look to see if they post this in their thread. Many people will do this just because they know it puts them on the same page with potential partners.

What I mean by schedule of availability is how often they have free time.

Time Zone is important because it's going to tell you when these people are likely to be active. I have had partners that were anywhere from three to six hours ahead of me. So they'd be responding to posts at like 4 o'clock in the morning my time. And that would be only about twice a week because they were in college or in the middle of moving or whatever.


Tip 2 : Check their profile.
So some people have a feature called last seen on their profile. It will tell you the last time they logged in. And for those who don't have that on their profile you can click the find button and see the last thing they posted. So if for instance the last thing they posted was like four days ago, than you know they just aren't online and they must be busy with something. If they are currently online and posting you can send them one last response but then I would let it go. No one likes it when they feel harassed for responses.

I have a tendency to post a lot of world-building information and I've had people up and leave a roleplay because they said I posted too many things in their inbox. And just randomly asking "Are you up? Are you ignoring me? Can we talk?" is even more annoying.

Tip 3 : Wait a day. Then a week.
So I usually wait one day then I send a update question. "Hey do you want to continue the roleplay? Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to help?" Then I stop sending responses. If after a week I haven't heard back (and they are still online) I just take that as the person is no longer interested in roleplaying with me and move on. If they aren't online then I wait for them to come back. (Edit - I might send one more response just to make sure they didn't miss the first one but then I just walk away)


Reasons People Don't Respond (that aren't personal)
- they've been hospitalized from a car crash
- they're being harassed by someone else and are dealing with that
- they have had a death in their family
- they no longer have access to internet
- they have been fired / are moving / have real life issues come up
- they're sick.
- they are talking to someone else and just missed / didn't notice your reply ( this is why an update question a day later can help)

And many many more. So yeah I wouldn't take it personally even if the person just up and disappears. It's never about you. At worst the other person is just really shy and doesn't like conflict or is a selfish asshole. Which is a part of THEIR personality and not anything to do with you.

 

[KinglyLion]

I'm having the same issues. I have multiple roleplays that I've started with people and it's been nearly a month since I've gotten replies back. I'm wondering if it's me at this point.

 

[Im_just_here]

I'm having the same issues. I have multiple roleplays that I've started with people and it's been nearly a month since I've gotten replies back. I'm wondering if it's me at this point.

I honestly feel that way too. It makes me feel extremely insecure, and I keep asking myself what I did wrong. I guess it's just something that happens.

 

[KinglyLion]

It's unfortunate. I have so much I would like to roleplay and my ideas get started and then they just drop off the face of the planet.

 

[Im_just_here]

It's unfortunate. I have so much I would like to roleplay and my ideas get started and then they just drop off the face of the planet.

I dont know if we would have anything in common, roleplaying wise, but you can PM me if you would like.

 

[rae2nerdy]

It's unfortunate. I have so much I would like to roleplay and my ideas get started and then they just drop off the face of the planet.

Have you checked if they’re online? If they’re online and haven’t responded they ghosted ages ago.

In the future I would set a clear posting schedule first thing.

Example tell your partners if they haven’t responded in two weeks without warning then your leaving the roleplay.

 

[KinglyLion]

I'll have to take you up on that advice.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I'll have to take you up on that advice.

Lol yeah it’s what I do if I know my schedule is gonna be crazy. Usually from the other end. Like hey if ya don’t hear from me for two weeks just poke me cuz I’m either sick, busy, or I forgot. If I don’t get back to ya within a day go ahead and leave. I don’t mind.