The above Avatar is trying to sell you something, what's their pitch?

[official clown business]

So basically, the avatar above you really wants to sell you a thing. Give us a nice ol' quote which is their sales pitch including what they're selling.

Do it however you like. They might be trying to sell it to everyone here, or maybe they only want you to buy what they're selling.

 

[Hall Kervean]

"YOU, there! Yes, you! Do you like used cars? Do you like used cars that haven't been used all that much? Perhaps you like cars that received special attention from the manufacturer? Well, then, come this way! I have tons of cars that fit that bill. You just need to sign a few papers in this running pickup truck that is my office."

 

[Negative Zone]

"If you think you're going to find a bargain at Sano Sauro's Surplus, you can kiss my monochrome ass!"

(With all apologies to BIG BILL HELL. Warning: link contains a hell of a lot of profanity and CHALLENGE PISSING.)

 

[Axel The Englishman]

"Good sir. By the expression I am currently making, it is clear that I have been stunned by the wonders of the Negative Zone's Spam Emporium!"

 

[OtakuGeek]

"Hello. My name is Ralph and I would like to discuss with you a serious issue we have in America.Cats.You see they are the biggest threat since Hitler. They are the abomination of our society and must be stopped.However to several budget problems we can't do it alone. We need your help and support to end catterism. If this doesnt end soon the fact of the matter is future generations will never be born because wouldve already eaten them. They will kill you and your loved ones if you dont pledge $1.45 a month to our cause. Call now and receive a gift basket for free full of Snickers,Trident,Hersheys,Trix, Oreos, but NO Kit Kats. Call:1-800-cat-die-quik

 

[Gizaira]

"Do you want to be able to destroy your enemies in a few minutes top? Do you want to look bad ass and stylish while doing so? Well do I have the thing for you! Get your special power pills today and you'll be just as powerful and great looking as any fighter today in months with little to no training needed! Warning: Side effects my include bloating, diarrhea, and random jerking of the muscles."

 

[Hall Kervean]

"Hiiiii there! I'm Kira Times, and I have something to show you! *squeals* It's just sooo cool! What I have here is a camera. But not just *ANY* camera! It takes really cool pictures, see! Don't they look fabulous? I reeally think you'll like it! If you do, come over here! We have TONS of the cameras! Come, come!"

 

[archur]

"Hello, welcome to Drapes and Bedsheets. Here we have the softest, thickest, spongiest piles of fabric that'll soak up all your tears and make your sadness disappear (No guarantees). For a low price of YOUR SOUL you too can own one of these modern wonders! Order now, and get two for the price of one! This deal ends in 5-4-3-2-1, oooh, better luck next time.

 

[RiversEdge]

Are you armorless? Is your armor rusting? Can it not handle going up against a fire spitting beast? What about you intangible creatures that cannot find the correct armor to support yourselves? Ladies and gentlemen look at MY armor, in all its golden enchanted splendor! Right here, right now you can own your own armor that's as strong and as glorious as mine at Exiled Ace! We supply for all shapes, sizes, genetic makeup, and consistencies!