Viewpoint On the nature of triggering topics

[VoidWitch]

Hi, so this is my first time posting to the discussion threads so I hope this is okay. This is just a discussion I've been wanting to have to see how other people feel about it really?

Roleplay in general is full of potentially triggering topics, I'm sure that if you're on this website you know this well. From the etiquette I've seen for the most part (I'm kind of new here, but I've been on quotev for a while before this so) is that usually people have a list of triggers, and even if things are not on that list generally if it's a touchy topic (Like abuse, drug use, extreme trauma, gore, whatever) people usually additionally ask to make sure that's okay. I've also found that general triggering plots are usually better and well rounded (less pain Olympics if you will) than triggering characters. I have triggering plots and characters that have triggering aspects, but I've always doubled checked with my partners before introducing a character that say, may self harm or something.

So what is your opinion on someone responding to your interest check asking you to make a plot with them about a character with triggering topic, with no warning on it? Not a "hey, I really like this plot idea you had, can I use my oc that has x problem with it?" more of a "hey i have an oc with x problem and i saw you like angst will you make a plot with me?" Personally I've found this to be pretty rude, but I experienced it for the second time recently today, so I was wondering others opinions on it and how one would handle it?

Also, I'm talking about a few people i've interacted with, I'm not "vaguing" anyone specifically or something if one of them sees this. This is a legitimate question of mine.

 

[Chordling]

From my understanding, a trigger is all-encompassing. The topic can no longer be avoided if someone provides a character that mentions a trigger.

 

[VoidWitch]

My situation is that I only have one true trigger that I put on the interest check, while this was something that was a triggering subject and something im not comfortable roleplaying, but not a trigger of mine actually. It was more of a question on how normal this was and if I was just being overly sensitive for thinking it was rude.

 

[Chordling]

No, I don't think that is rude.

 

[Murdergurl]

I am pretty open to a lot of things. Few to no "triggers" to be honest. Like, they're just words. They don't hurt me. In less general audience sites, I can get pretty extreme. My forte is violence, and that encompasses all forms of it, from abuse (of all sorts) to gore to... well, use your imagination. I won't go into a lot of detail because this is, in fact, a general audience site.

BUT, because I am one of the people that can potentially "trigger" someone else, I have to always state what I'm about right off if I think it is pertinent to the RP. In other words I will say, hey I like writing X, and this is a sample: Warning: cannibalism and dismemberment, and then put the narrative in a spoiler. If they really dont want to read it, dont click the spoiler. if they think they can take it and DO read the spoiler and then decide they dont want that, they can communicate the sentiment to me and we can come to a compromise. If they are okay with it, then we proceed to the next point of conversation.

If someone has issue with things I really like to write about, and it is expressly stated in their RT... well, then I really have no business respondng in the first place.

 

[VoidWitch]

I am pretty open to a lot of things. Few to no "triggers" to be honest. Like, they're just words. They don't hurt me. In less general audience sites, I can get pretty extreme. My forte is violence, and that encompasses all forms of it, from abuse (of all sorts) to gore to... well, use your imagination. I won't go into a lot of detail because this is, in fact, a general audience site.

BUT, because I am one of the people that can potentially "trigger" someone else, I have to always state what I'm about right off if I think it is pertinent to the RP. In other words. I will say, hey I like writing X, and this is a sample: Warning: cannibalism and dismemberment, and then put the narrative in a spoiler. If they really dont want to read it. dont click the spoiler. if they think they can take it and DO read the spoiler and then decide they dont want that, they can communicate the sentiment to me and we can come to a compromise. If they are okay with it, then we proceed to the next point of conversation.

I'm glad you have no triggers, I wish i was you tbh

I feel like that's reasonable to put it under a spoiler or asking if the person is okay with a subject before continuing. Recently I had someone who's first message was asking if I want to plot with them, I said sure, and they jumped into wanting to plot the triggering topic without asking if like, hey, I was comfortable with it first. It's just kind of frustrating for me personally that they don't care or respect that these things might be uncomfortable for some people?

(I'm not identifying the triggering topic because people who use the 1x1 forums a lot will probably know who it is, and i dont want to direct anything towards them)

 

[Murdergurl]

if your triggering topic was clearly stated in your RT and they went right for it, they had no business responding in the first place. That's like someone wanting to do a fantasy RP, and then i roll up with a starship crew.

 

[VoidWitch]

if your triggering topic was clearly stated in your RT and they went right for it, they had no business responding in the first place. That's like someone wanting to do a fantasy RP, and then i roll up with a starship crew.

that's the thing, it wasn't STATED in my interest check that i didn't want to roleplay it, just because i've always had very polite partners who don't spring abuse or addiction on with no check to see if it's okay first. Maybe it's just the way some people are? I don't know

 

[Murdergurl]

Well, people aren't mind readers. if you don't tell them what you don't like.... how are they to know?

 

[Murdergurl]

If you only have one major trigger, and it bothers you to have it brought up, a simple measure against that issue is to put a small note at the bottom of a request stating that this one subject is off limits. My own RTs state a slew of things I'm not into. Not because they're triggers, but simply because I'm not interested. Same sentiment applies though. These people aren't being rude. You simply havent given any notice that it bothers you. It's a big, big world of RPers out there, with a wide range of subject matter that they indulge in.

 

[VoidWitch]

Alright, I will probably be adding that section to my interest check, it's just hard for me to imagine bringing up things that are generally considered triggering topics without warning. Must be a different sort of roleplay culture than I'm used to

 

[Chordling]

Alright, I will probably be adding that section to my interest check, it's just hard for me to imagine bringing up things that are generally considered triggering topics without warning. Must be a different sort of roleplay culture than I'm used to

I will agree that it does seem ironic to write out a list of topics that trigger you. The idea almost seems a bit backward. But your fellow roleplays will not know if you don't tell them. I have seen some people request to discuss limits and triggers when they PM you, so that if something you could consider if it would be more comfortable.

 

[Murdergurl]

Alright, I will probably be adding that section to my interest check, it's just hard for me to imagine bringing up things that are generally considered triggering topics without warning. Must be a different sort of roleplay culture than I'm used to

I've been doing the RP thing since 1997. The culture is pretty diverse. What's triggering to you can be mundane to others. We are not all the same, obvs. The more sites you get into, the more you realize there is a broad variation of interests

 

[VoidWitch]

There's a difference between a trigger and something that just makes me a bit uncomfortable to roleplay. I have PTSD, so I use triggers the way that it's used in relation to PTSD. Clearly, on Roleplay websites there's a difference in definition there.

 

[Murdergurl]

look, its just a simple thing to do, and the whole thing is avoided. otherwise, you are going to run into this problem over and over again. And it's not on the fault of the responder

 

[VoidWitch]

yeah, I just said i was going to do that, it's just whenever I manage to get the time to update and bump my thread.

 

[Murdergurl]

Happy hunting ;-)

 

[CecilDMMasters]

Well, my first rule of RP is it's pointless if both people are not having fun. It's a huge pet peeve of mine when someone tries to ask for a RP that specifically goes against the listed rules you made. Or just tried to throw the trigger in suddenly. I've had that happen a lot on Deviantart. Either they flat didn't read the rules or thought they could slip their fetish in last moment on discussion or once it started. Frankly you should always read someone's rules and listen to them during set up and not expect them to do anything they don't want whether it be because of a trigger, being uncomfortable in general or because they flat won't enjoy it.

I make it clear I like dark elements and plot, but still try to ask my partners if anything bothers them so. And to be frank please don't be shy about being honest if something bothers you either. It's rather disturbing both ways if someone tells you they like dark plots and are okay with violence and gore and then they trigger when you describe a crime scene.

Now if it's something you haven't listed and they are simply asking because they know it's a triggering topic to some then no, I don't see a problem. At least they are asking right off the bat if you are okay with it. That way they don't waste your time with talking about doing an RP then toss it in last minute or suddenly break it out in RP as mentioned above.

So basically I find it okay to be like "Hey, I like your prompt and would like to play. How are you with characters with dark back ground like (censored)" right off the bat if it's not clear in the rules.

What's not okay is (insert long RP discussion and planning here) "Hey, I think we have a great story, you want to do the starter or me to? By the way my character does weird things like (censored). Hope that's not a issue some people are so d*** sissy about it."

Or just unveiling it in RP suddenly with no discussion . . . . . .

 

[VoidWitch]

Well, my first rule of RP is it's pointless if both people are not having fun. It's a huge pet peeve of mine when someone tries to ask for a RP that specifically goes against the listed rules you made. Or just tried to throw the trigger in suddenly. I've had that happen a lot on Deviantart. Either they flat didn't read the rules or thought they could slip their fetish in last moment on discussion or once it started. Frankly you should always read someone's rules and listen to them during set up and not expect them to do anything they don't want whether it be because of a trigger, being uncomfortable in general or because they flat won't enjoy it.

I make it clear I like dark elements and plot, but still try to ask my partners if anything bothers them so. And to be frank please don't be shy about being honest if something bothers you either. It's rather disturbing both ways if someone tells you they like dark plots and are okay with violence and gore and then they trigger when you describe a crime scene.

Now if it's something you haven't listed and they are simply asking because they know it's a triggering topic to some then no, I don't see a problem. At least they are asking right off the bat if you are okay with it. That way they don't waste your time with talking about doing an RP then toss it in last minute or suddenly break it out in RP as mentioned above.

So basically I find it okay to be like "Hey, I like your prompt and would like to play. How are you with characters with dark back ground like (censored)" right off the bat if it's not clear in the rules.

What's not okay is (insert long RP discussion and planning here) "Hey, I think we have a great story, you want to do the starter or me to? By the way my character does weird things like (censored). Hope that's not a issue some people are so d*** sissy about it."

Or just unveiling it in RP suddenly with no discussion . . . . . .

I agree that the last two are definitely a lot worse than what I was describing. I think part of it is also that, they were expecting me to plot with them around their character because this character had this triggering topic which i feel like is a different but related discussion about how, the roleplay is not all about your character. I think it was probably both of those pet peeves for me combined.

 

[nerdy tangents]

So I usually call things deal breakers if I am uncomfortable with them, not triggers. As I understand trigger is a medical term and I don’t want to give people the wrong impression of my resistance.

If asked about my deal breakers I will explain why I find the topic uncomfortable to roleplay.

If someone asks to do something that isn’t specifically listed (whether because I haven’t run across it previously and thus had no reason to add it OR because the thing making me uncomfortable is specifically how they are approaching the topic) I will do the same thing.

“Im so sorry but X makes me uncomfortable for ABC real life reasons. I would not be comfortable adding it to the roleplay.”

As an example I had someone who asked if my character could be a little controlling in the romantic portion of the roleplay. Now they didn’t call the behavior controlling (dominant I believe was the word they used) but the behavior in question mimicked how an ex-step dad treated my mom. And let’s just say IRL it wasn’t a good look.

So I told them “No I won’t do this behavior because I have experience with it IRL and it makes me uncomfortable to romanticize it.”

They were very understanding and we both moved on. So I find just telling people when they make you uncomfortable is a good thing to do.

Also maybe making a list of topics you know will make you uncomfortable and calling them your deal breakers. If necessary explaining the difference between a trigger and a deal breaker for those unfamiliar with PTSD.

 

[CecilDMMasters]

I agree that the last two are definitely a lot worse than what I was describing. I think part of it is also that, they were expecting me to plot with them around their character because this character had this triggering topic which i feel like is a different but related discussion about how, the roleplay is not all about your character. I think it was probably both of those pet peeves for me combined.

Ah, so an unstable character that they want to entire RP to revolve around their issue. No give and take so all parties can have their moments. Or they think your 'moments' are helping their character. Basically the fun in the RP is that the person enjoys getting into a character like this, and it's one sided. On the other end it is frustrating and often disturbing for the other person in the RP. I've been their a few times. People with easily triggered characters tend to not play a fully fleshed out character and tend to make them PTSD/trigger at every moment. And often don't have a actual plan for them to overcome it.

In the worst case it ruined a long term RP when someone sent their character into this spiral and refused to listen to anything said against it.

 

[Idea]

For starters, I will generally be weary of a partner if they start talking of "triggers". I will not dismiss them outright of course, but it really speaks to that person having a very different mindset than my own when it comes to narrative, fiction and comedy, a mindset different enough that the partnership isn't just likely to not work out, but be a spectacular waste of time resulting in a terrible time for everyone involved.

I do understand that the word trigger originally comes from things like war veterans and the particularly intense PTSD they could have, or victims of abuse as a child or rape victims, being triggered because of the trauma of such experiences. However, I also find those aren't usually the people making trigger lists. Of the people I've talked to who did have such experiences, in fact, I don't think more than a couple even used the word triggered at all and tried to explain their situation more thoroughly, though as anyone could expect (and understand) avoiding detailing their experience or even avoiding saying exactly what happened. Which is to say that instead, the people I do see using the word triggered tend to do it as moral outrage or being personally uncomfortable with certain topics, often because of the aforementioned outtrage, but certainly not always.

That isn't a bad thing, but the fundamental assumption goes against something kind of crucial to the way I want to engage with roleplaying, the notion of "fiction is fiction". From the point one voluntarily starts associating the fictional events with the real acts, that enters into the realm of something very different from what I am working with and want to work with.

Now that said, if I do work with someone who has triggers, then I am going to respect their triggers, but I am not going to ask permission beyond what might fall into a grey area of what I already know about them. If my partners have triggers, medical conditions, or anything else I should know about, I expect them to be upfront about it, and I in turn will do my best to accommodate their needs or explain that I am not the best partner for them if I don't think I can. It's not reasonable to expect people to know the things you don't tell them, and neither is it reasonable to expect people to work with kids gloves on the nearly infinite if not actually infinite number of things which could potentially be triggering.

 

[CecilDMMasters]

Trigger is a broad term in many cases. Even in a previous discussion I was in on this it seemed looking up the definition of it could vary a bit. Though the overall idea was the same. A trigger is something that can upset someone. A real PTSD issue. Something that is merely distressing on a lesser issue but distressing none the less. Something that will frustrate someone. Or a issue that will cause a rage quit of the conversation and RP. No matter how you put it, or if you call it something else that is still obviously defined as "No, just no." the main thing is it needs to be respected.

If it isn't fun for someone then back off and look elsewhere to indulge your topic.