Idea Looking to improve my idea and work on kicking starting this puppy! :D

[Becker]

Heyo folks, Hen here!

So long story short, i'm working on a idea that i've been having thoughts about on and off for several weeks now and i'm in the final stages of creating the interest check. I've used alot of inspiration from Fallout 3 and the Metro games. My problem at the moment is that i'm not entirely sure which genre would be suit the story and i'm always looking for ways to improve the lore that i've built up so I thought i'd leave it up to the public to decide!

(I won't post the whole interest check as I want to keep some-things a little secretive.)

The summery of the my story, The Knights of the Metro is set in a alternate 'Modern with some futuristic themes' world, 50 years after a 'mutation induced natural cataclysm' caused millions of tonnes of radioactive pollen from the 'Red forrest' (A forrest residing within the Chernobyl disaster and the abandoned city of Pripyat) englufed the world like the ashes upon pompeii. This thick, yellow fog travelled across on the Earth's wind belts and blanketed almost everything above ground. Residents lucky enough to be below in Metro Stations were mostly safe from this disaster and eventually settled in the tunnels beneath Washington D.C. A councill of leaders were elected, each person having some sort of experise that would certainly play a huge part of the community's survival (Engineering, Military, Health, Food & Water procurement, Housing, Rationing and so on).

Spoiler: The World covered in the lethal pollen

As this is a alternate world, technology is a little different and by the beginning of the cataclysm (2020) the metro was filled with many sets of power-suits designed to aid construction and emergency workers to complete any dangerous tasks. This community collected the suits, modified them to be used on the surface as scavengers and used materials gathered from above to further improve living conditions below. Solar panels and wind turbines were built on-top of sky-scrapers with thick, black electrical wiring stretching from building to building like jungle vines. Weaponry were scavenged from police, firearm shops and generally created within the Metro's grand workshops. Over-time, the surface began to settle as much of the remaining pollen had already fallen from the skies and mutated animals roamed the once busy streets of the U.S Capital.

Spoiler: The Community below began to come together and restart civilisation

The term 'Knight' comes from one of the leaders of the Metro being a medieval historian, upon gazing at these brave men and women who raise up to the surface day-in-day-out to maintain the vital power cables feeding the city to routinely culling packs of wild-beasts that threaten to invade their homes below. He dubbed them Knights for protecting the people and going to where no-one else would dare, furthermore the Power-Suits they wear are built to last and protect the wearer better than modern body-armour but it comes at the cost of subtly and dexterity. As the air on the surface is still laced with lethal levels of radiation, the suits are built to shield the wearer from radiation, carry one hour's worth of clean oxygen with the helmets being modified with emergency '10 minute' air-filters should they either run of out breathable air from their tanks or if any equipment should be damaged.

Spoiler: Varients of Power Armor, some are heavily modified maintenance suits whilst others were hand-made in the Metro's Workshops

Alas, the player characters have earned the right to don a Power-Suit after proving themselves worthy of such a honour and travel above on the lethal surface, conducting scavenging operations, repairing vital equipment and going on dangerous missions to safe-guard the Metro and it's people! In the character sheets, players will be allowed to customize their Power-Suits to better suit (pun not intended) their needs, extra oxygen tanks, additional armour/radiation shielding and webbing to carry additional ammunition for their carried weapons. Weapons are put into divided into "Light" "Medium" and "Heavy" categories (there are a couple of laser guns as well but they're very unreliable and prone to malfunctions). Heavy weaponry, such as mini-guns are usually restricted because their extreme weight could damage the suit's servos over a extended amount of time and are only given out to Knights on special missions where heavy fire-power is required. Medium weaponry, such as rifles, shotguns and light machine guns are the norm for standard equipment. Each Knight usually carries their primary weapon and a 'Side-Arm' for emergencies.

Spoiler: A Knight wielding a mighty Mini-Gun, a rare sight unless the Metro is in direct danger or a Mutant nest needs removing!

Please let me know your thoughts, i've had to keep some of the concepts a little secretive (it's nothing sinister.. just want to keep some surprises in store!) All said and done, i'd much prefer any criticisms raised to be constructive and helpful than just being bombasted with paragraphs of negativity.

 

[Spoiled Bread]

It's a nice and interesting lore. I don't find much to criticize. For energy resource though, if the pollen blanketed the earth like Pompeii's ashes, it might not be suitable to rely on solar power, since the sky would be covered in pollen. You can consider geothermal as alternative.

 

[Becker]

It's a nice and interesting lore. I don't find much to criticize. For energy resource though, if the pollen blanketed the earth like Pompeii's ashes, it might not be suitable to rely on solar power, since the sky would be covered in pollen. You can consider geothermal as alternative.

That was my exact first thought about the power situation, I can certain imagine the community would start drilling down to do Geo-thermal stuff. I thought about the Solar-Panels and I think it would also generate missions for the Knights to do. Imagine having to ascend a sky-scraper to wipe-clean the Solar Panels and conduct repairs on wiring/machinery.. all the meanwhile watching over their shoulders in fear of mutants on the prowl!

I did add that the majority of the pollen had already fallen within this 50 year span.

 

[Becker]

Big old bump, love to hear more people's ideas!

 

[Idea]

(I won't post the whole interest check as I want to keep some-things a little secretive.)

Don't put an exposition dump in the interest check.

My problem at the moment is that i'm not entirely sure which genre would be suit the story

The genre is post-apocalyptic, unless you plan on people actively needing to have knowledge of the fandoms you're basing this off to play, in which case it would be fandom. Excluding that, you're probably should put this into futuristic, since it is a post-apocalyptic setting with futuristic technology.


Now regarding the lore itself:
1. It seems odd people just happened to have those radiatio suits on hands if this event was as sudden as you seem to be suggesting. Maybe establishing something about the developmet and spreading of these suits prior to the disaster could be quite important for people's suspension of disbelief.

2.I don't see a plot? Barely see a premise, it's just a setting you seem to have so far. The characters are people who have these suits (so not mutants or dead), but what beyond that? What's the end game here? Is there an end game here?

 

[Becker]

Don't put an exposition dump in the interest check.


The genre is post-apocalyptic, unless you plan on people actively needing to have knowledge of the fandoms you're basing this off to play, in which case it would be fandom. Excluding that, you're probably should put this into futuristic, since it is a post-apocalyptic setting with futuristic technology.


Now regarding the lore itself:
1. It seems odd people just happened to have those radiatio suits on hands if this event was as sudden as you seem to be suggesting. Maybe establishing something about the developmet and spreading of these suits prior to the disaster could be quite important for people's suspension of disbelief.

2.I don't see a plot? Barely see a premise, it's just a setting you seem to have so far. The characters are people who have these suits (so not mutants or dead), but what beyond that? What's the end game here? Is there an end game here?

Heyo Idea , How are you getting on?

Thanks for having a read through, funny thing about the whole secretive part is that it heavily affects the plot later along the lines (some serious decisions will have to be made by the players). So it's a toss-up between what I can and cannot give away (in regards to the plot), course i'm not going to lay it all out in the interest check... it would be pages upon pages of boredom! xD There will be a end-goal but for now it's obscured whilst the Player-Characters would be busy carrying adventures to the surface.

Alas I was only looking to get another perspective on the idea itself, the plot when I do post the interest check will be included there. This is more of a concept for me at the moment, i'm working silly shift-times and getting the moments where I can write up engaging/interesting posts are becoming rarer events! (send help!)

I think I will go back on the suits, figure out some more locations that they would be handy prior to the 2020 event and so they'll hopefully be a bit more commonplace besides the Metro tunnels. I really want to get across any limitations and equipment that can be attached/carried by the player characters. I have a pet-peeve whenever folk just want to carry entire armouries into battle without a second thought on how they'll actually be able to carry all that kit (you know the classical 'Never reloads their guns in a action film' trope). I think perhaps in regards to the suits found within the tunnels that they would be in heavily secured maintenance areas spaced along the entire Metro system. That way, a serious amount of effort would have to be used in order to procure just a couple of suits and they might even have been neglected over time so they may or may not have a few 'bugs' in store for the new wearer. I think I might actually add that into the character sheets, each suit over time has become damaged, each repair is less than perfect and so when it's been handed down to the Player-Character, each suit will now have it's own "personality/quirks". The left leg's servo isn't quite in sync to the rest of the suit and so the wearer walks a little awkwardly. The head-lamp frequently blows a fuze after being on for too long, thermal imaging / infrared lens in the helmet is completely "fucked" and i'd feel very sorry for the person wearing it in dark corridors. I think it would be a idea to try and balance things out so characters aren't completely over-powered and might create some entertaining moments in the story!

 

[Idea]

Heyo @Idea , How are you getting on?

By PC, and occasionally with my phone

Thanks for having a read through, funny thing about the whole secretive part is that it heavily affects the plot later along the lines (some serious decisions will have to be made by the players). So it's a toss-up between what I can and cannot give away (in regards to the plot), course i'm not going to lay it all out in the interest check... it would be pages upon pages of boredom! xD

When I said "don't put an exposition dump in the interest check", to clarify, what you have here is already an exposition dump. Players don't want, nor do they need to know, the history of your premise, not in the interest check anyway. They want the thing they are being sold on, the core of the idea, what it's in it for them, and who/what they will be playing as.

There will be a end-goal but for now it's obscured whilst the Player-Characters would be busy carrying adventures to the surface.

Unless your RP is slice of life (and even then...) then the players need a direction. The end goal may change with plot twists and such, but there needs to be the sense of working towards something. Obviously I can't speak for everyone, but without some kind of end goal in a plot like this, I'd be jumping off, as it results in either the potential for the RP to stagnate due to the pointlessness of it all (you can't have a sense of progression if there is nowhere to progress to), or for it to become completely different from what I was sold.

(send help!)

I think I will go back on the suits, figure out some more locations that they would be handy prior to the 2020 event and so they'll hopefully be a bit more commonplace besides the Metro tunnels. I really want to get across any limitations and equipment that can be attached/carried by the player characters. I have a pet-peeve whenever folk just want to carry entire armouries into battle without a second thought on how they'll actually be able to carry all that kit (you know the classical 'Never reloads their guns in a action film' trope). I think perhaps in regards to the suits found within the tunnels that they would be in heavily secured maintenance areas spaced along the entire Metro system. That way, a serious amount of effort would have to be used in order to procure just a couple of suits and they might even have been neglected over time so they may or may not have a few 'bugs' in store for the new wearer. I think I might actually add that into the character sheets, each suit over time has become damaged, each repair is less than perfect and so when it's been handed down to the Player-Character, each suit will now have it's own "personality/quirks". The left leg's servo isn't quite in sync to the rest of the suit and so the wearer walks a little awkwardly. The head-lamp frequently blows a fuze after being on for too long, thermal imaging / infrared lens in the helmet is completely "fucked" and i'd feel very sorry for the person wearing it in dark corridors. I think it would be a idea to try and balance things out so characters aren't completely over-powered and might create some entertaining moments in the story!

That is actually a pretty awesome idea. The type of plot/setting isn't really my cup of tea, but that proposal still gets my brain running wild with the possibilities, so I think you're in a good track there!

 

[Becker]

By PC, and occasionally with my phone

Ah, "How are you getting on?" is a local English term for "How are things?" To be fair, I don't understand 90% of the slang thrown in my direction... and i'm a native English speaker!

When I said "don't put an exposition dump in the interest check", to clarify, what you have here is already an exposition dump. Players don't want, nor do they need to know, the history of your premise, not in the interest check anyway. They want the thing they are being sold on, the core of the idea, what it's in it for them, and who/what they will be playing as.

Of course, I know how to drum up buisness. It's just difficult on figuring out I can explain in the interest check that doesn't ruin the plans I have for the community later down the line. (I've played D&D before where "That guy" derails the entire plot... which is my biggest fear with this RP). Certain NPCs who are essential to the communities' ability to navigate the Metro's many sub-corridors and off-the-map areas. These high-importance characters know more about the Metro and it's sinister secrets hidden within than the rest of the Community combined. These secrets could turn out to be the downfall of the remaining citizens beneath the surface... but in the right hands, it could provide the vital stepping point needed for their return to the surface.. (Cue the inspirational music!!!) I think for the most part, i'll explain the basis of the story into the interest check, add a sprinkle of writer's despriation to the mix in hopes to gain sympathies and slam-dunk everything else into a Lore page the size of the former Soviet Union... (send more help please, I require extra moe to function!)

Here's your change for the hug, spend it wisely!

 

[Idea]

Ah, "How are you getting on?" is a local English term for "How are things?" To be fair, I don't understand 90% of the slang thrown in my direction... and i'm a native English speaker!

I know, was just making a lil' joke. Kinda like how I respond to "What's up?" with "the sky, last I checked".

 

[Becker]

I know, was just making a lil' joke. Kinda like how I respond to "What's up?" with "the sky, last I checked".

oof.. ya got me!

 

[Becker]

I think with Post-Apoc RPs, having a end goal isn't as vitual for some. It's the end of the world as we know it, i'd be a tad more concerned with where my next meal is coming from than looking for a quest to furfill That said, Knights are given the most dangerous tasks within the Community and I am working on a concept idea where IC groups of Knights will work together in the OOC to create their own stories upon a basic setting.

For example, I assign Knight Dave to take Alice and Christopher with him to visit a nearby Skyscraper, travel to the top and repair/clean the solar panels built on the roof whilst double checking any electrical cables for damage as they go along. I, my character, the Knight Commander would possibly warn them of certain things like "Bandits have been spotted looting nearby so be careful" or "A pack of stray and vicious dogs have set up their den nearby so be careful." I would then explain to the three in the OOC that they're completely in charge of the adventure, they can talk to each other OOC'ly and come up with ideas of what happens during their mission... Do they come across these dogs and decide to fight them.. or do they try and sneak around.. are they successful or do they have to fight to escape? Does anyone get injured and require the help of other Knight teams in the area? Do they pack a radio with them or will one of the team have to make a dangerous lone-journey to get help?

My point is, rather than their posts solely consist of them 'responding to the GM's post and not adding in anything themselves or progressing the journey..' I would like the team(s) to create amazing stories of heroics, moments of great daring, suffering and sorrow that brings a tear to the eye and most importantly.. triumph against the odds! I think it would be awesome for people to work together IC'ly and OOC'ly to ensure everyone has their say in how the missions progress.