Advice/Help I'd like to get back into RP, but I'm afraid of burning out/ditching again...

[EslaRue]

Roleplay used to be my #1 recreational activity, but the older I get the harder it is for me. I've always struggled to do anything long-term (adhd as fuck).

Every so often I get a craving to get back into it, and I'll have a lot of fun for a month or so, but then I get bored/overwhelmed and end up quitting on stories/partners even though I absolutely loved the concept & always end up regretting not sticking with it.

Do you think I should keep trying, or is it better to just... not?

I feel like such a jackass every time I flake out on someone who has put so much effort into the characters/stories.

 

[xpstitch]

Try doing something like episodic stories? If you're doing something different all the time, you could avoid growing bored of a particular set of things.

If that's the real you, work with them on it and be upfront about your tendency from the start.

Otherwise it is indeed super disheartening and enfuriating for a partner to be ghosted or flaked on by you. There's already so much of that on these kinds of sites, takes all drive to rp if you're constantly being left on read.

 

[Sorin]

Hello there!

I have this exact same issue. What I've found works for me is to prioritize my friendship with someone first and then Roleplay with them second. I have two excellent friends that I met on Roleplaying websites about three years and I have several dozen dead Roleplays with them by now. The secret is that we switch out Roleplays when we feel burnt out or take hiatuses, sometimes even for months at a time, and usually work on another Roleplay or talk about our independent projects with each other. I've found that if you're struggling to get back into a Roleplay, sometimes rereading it later down the line or talking about it can really help you get back into it! In addition to this, I've found that my type of ADHD is best suited for "live Roleplays", which I essentially considered to be sessions when both of us are around and active. Admittedly, though, this really only works on Discord and I know that's not everyone's cup of tea, but it might be worth considering if you haven't already tried it. I'm not sure if this would be helpful for you at all, but maybe it'd work for you too?

I hope your anxiety doesn't keep you away from the hobby, though, because I think a lot more people relate to it than you might think (myself included) and have similar concerns/habits.

 

[EslaRue]

Try doing something like episodic stories? If you're doing something different all the time, you could avoid growing bored of a particular set of things.

If that's the real you, work with them on it and be upfront about your tendency from the start.

Otherwise it is indeed super disheartening and enfuriating for a partner to be ghosted or flaked on by you. There's already so much of that on these kinds of sites, takes all drive to rp if you're constantly being left on read.

I've certainly been on the other side of it often enough to know how much it hurts :-/

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

 

[EslaRue]

Hello there!

I have this exact same issue. What I've found works for me is to prioritize my friendship with someone first and then Roleplay with them second. I have two excellent friends that I met on Roleplaying websites about three years and I have several dozen dead Roleplays with them by now. The secret is that we switch out Roleplays when we feel burnt out or take hiatuses, sometimes even for months at a time, and usually work on another Roleplay or talk about our independent projects with each other. I've found that if you're struggling to get back into a Roleplay, sometimes rereading it later down the line or talking about it can really help you get back into it! In addition to this, I've found that my type of ADHD is best suited for "live Roleplays", which I essentially considered to be sessions when both of us are around and active. Admittedly, though, this really only works on Discord and I know that's not everyone's cup of tea, but it might be worth considering if you haven't already tried it. I'm not sure if this would be helpful for you at all, but maybe it'd work for you too?

I hope your anxiety doesn't keep you away from the hobby, though, because I think a lot more people relate to it than you might think (myself included) and have similar concerns/habits.

I had a partner like that one time, where we could talk about a lot of stuff OOC. It definitely helped. I think we were on-and-off for about a year, which is a long time for me. I think you're definitely on to something there.

(& also she dragged me into a new fandom every couple of weeks, so that helped too, even if it was a bit exhausting sometimes xD)

I think I'd better look at my schedule and try to work out how much time I'll have and how much I can realistically do before diving back in. Maybe a little contingency planning will help things go better this time.

Thank you for your kind words!

 

[Sorin]

I had a partner like that one time, where we could talk about a lot of stuff OOC. It definitely helped. I think we were on-and-off for about a year, which is a long time for me. I think you're definitely on to something there.

(& also she dragged me into a new fandom every couple of weeks, so that helped too, even if it was a bit exhausting sometimes xD)

I think I'd better look at my schedule and try to work out how much time I'll have and how much I can realistically do before diving back in. Maybe a little contingency planning will help things go better this time.

Thank you for your kind words!

You're welcome! I hope you're able to figure something out soon. And if you ever need to vent your concerns about it in-depth, I'd be willing to listen.

 

[Idea]

There’s been plenty of great suggestions here already, and I’ll just add a little something similar, that being short-term RPs. While it’s not very common, there is such a thing as RPs with plots designed specifically to end relatively fast. If they are so designed you may be able to get through it before the flaking kicks in, or otherwise be able to tell yourself that it’s not going to take much longer anyway to push through to a finale.

This strategy like with what others have mentioned would of course involve being upfront about what you want and how you are. No doubt this would reduce your pool of possible partners, but those that did accept might well be more understanding.

 

[nerdy tangents]

So jumping off your scheduling concern I have found that under promising helps a lot with this.

If you know you typically have the weekends free for instance bit this is also the time when you get a lot of errands done then just say upfront “hey I might only get a reply up every two weeks, I hope that’s okay.”

Then specify to your partners “hey if I disappear for a few weeks it’s just because I’m busy with IRL stuff, don’t panic I haven’t forgotten.”

Also if you struggle sticking to one plot then just let your partners know that too,

“Hey I might get bored with the current plot so be willing to course correct or come up with alternate storylines.”

As long as you give people a reasonable expectation of what to expect they won’t get upset if you disappear or want to do something new.