I need advice about diplomacy.

[Jamiesue]

❃


Diplomacy: "The art of dealing with people in a sensitive and effective way."


I'm very sorry if this is not where this thread goes, first of all, but I was unsure where else I could ask for direct advice about the content and context of the rules. I have read all of the rules, many times, and I understand that there is a serious focus on being as civil and polite as possible. I appreciate the respectful guidelines, and I know that they help to keep the site a friendly and positive environment.


With that being said, I have a major concern, and a question.


I have noticed that frequently, when posting "searching threads" especially, there are a great many users (who will remain unnamed for privacy sake) who seem to inadvertently disrespect others by refusing to cooperate with basic reading instructions. On a website that is tailored specifically to reading and writing, it can be incredibly offensive for a person to disregard anothers hard work by blatantly skipping it entirely, or ignoring the parts they don't like. Typically, that type of mild incompetence shown on their part fans the flames of fighting and results in verbal warnings and locks all around.


When someone behaves in a way that is willfully ignorant to you, and you would rather not deal with them for your own unspecified reasons, what is the proper way to disengage with this type of person? There is really no pleasant way of saying that you find someone to be unmanageable in their incompetence, that you are angry for their inability to listen and follow instructions, or really any of the other valid reasons to avoid roleplaying or responding at all to a person, without being insulting.


In the effort of not collecting more verbal warnings for my rudeness than I already have, I'm seeking some real advice, honestly. Please, help me, I can be apparently quite demeaning and unpleasant.


❃
​

 

[Ayl]

Simply interrupting all forms of communication is what I usually employ in dealing with such issues. Afterall, it is pointless to argue with someone over the internet.

 

[The Confused Pixie]

Preach it girl. Oh lawd preach it. Although I can already imagine what kind of feed back this is going to get.. >.>

​

 

[welian]

@Jamiesue


Users are never encouraged to create or escalate an altercation. If you are able to, you should always delete the post (when it's within your own thread), block the other user if you so desire, and report future occurrences with a user who has been bothering you.


That being said, the Staff don't consider someone's failure to follow instructions to the letter as a grievous insult. We all naturally make mistakes here and there. A simple "please re-read the my post" or merely refusing to respond to them will suffice. And, if several users miss the same detail in the post, it's less likely to be them and more likely something about your post that obscures important information.

 

[kibou]

Time for some possibly questionable advice from your Friendly Ghost! But it works, and will keep you out of trouble.


I'm going to be direct, because I think you'll be able to handle it just fine.


Sometimes it's not best to be completely honest with people. Outright telling them that they're incompetent and therefore you do not want to rp with them is obviously going to cause a lot of problems. Ignoring them might not work either, as they may think you've forgotten them or accidentally missed their comment and try to persistently ask if you want to do the rp, what you thought of their ideas, etc.


Politics can be hard- you have to consider how everyone will interpret what you're trying to convey, how you word choice affects your message, and how they will respond to what you're saying. Their emotional state before seeing or hearing whatever you're going to say will influence their response too. (It's impossible to correctly predict all of the above as humans are incredibly complicated, but considering all of that will put you on the path to success.) Outright stating why you don't want to rp with them is the best way to get a completely clear message across, but people's response will be anger, hurt, they'll be offended, etc.


This will cause problems for you, as you've already noticed.


So then you need to re-phrase what you're trying to say.


A simple, "Sorry, but I'm looking for something a little different" might be sufficient. Use nice, friendly, and polite words that make it seem like you're sorry or sympathetic or something, even if you're not. Maybe adding some sort of implied compliment somewhere (if you can think of one that applies to the situation) will make them feel happier and like you more, and make it much easier for them to accept the bad news.


Or you could put "passwords" in your interest checks or rp rules/overview/signups/ etc. The passwords are best placed randomly in the sections that are required reading, and are sneakily placed. If only some parts are required reading it's probably best to announce at the top which ones are. That way, when someone who just skims or skips everything comes along, you can just say "Sorry, but you didn't include any of the passwords."


I myself have implemented the password system, and I've seen a lot of people do it too so it's much more acceptable. Some people may get angry and say that it's unfair or something, but just say that if you let them off without any passwords it would be unfair to the people that you made follow the rule.


Also, I've seen a few of your and Pixie's posts (mostly Pixie's) about people not reading your posts, and you've always seemed very upset. Try not to let your emotions influence how you approach the issue- putting out angry words will get more anger in response. Maybe try cooling off before you respond. Being upset will make you want to throw diplomacy into the wind.


"But they've wronged me by not reading what I wrote!" It doesn't matter. Chances are they don't intend to upset you. I know that it doesn't mean that it makes it okay, but whether or not it's right or wrong to respond to a post without reading it doesn't matter. When the staff see your angry response "bashing" users (which I'm sure you know by now is against the rules), that won't matter to them and you'll get points or warnings and locked threads. Others may not see failing to read a post as immoral or wrong either, which makes your position even worse.


It might seem like a lot of unnecessary work to avoid hurt feels when all you want to do is tell them how rude or disrespectful they've been to you, or even if it's just as simple as not wanting to deal with them, but even though you're expending extra energy into re-wording everything or buttering them up, it's worth not getting points against your account. In the long run it'll help you. And, it's a good skill to have in my opinion.


 
Or do what Welian says, her advice is also good.

 

[The Confused Pixie]

I like you ghost. You're a cool cat. You're my favorite. No one else, just you.

 

[Jamiesue]

@welian

❃


I have never been able to delete someone else's post, even in my own threads. If that were the case, life would be much simpler for me and my threads would look nicer.

​

 
@Ghost

❃


Thankyou.
​

 

[welian]

@Jamiesue


Interesting. I know for a fact that normal users are able to delete posts within their roleplay threads - the ones posted in 1x1, Fantasy, etc. I honestly do not know if you are able to delete posts in your discussion or recruitment threads. You may want to post in Admin Contact and ask someone to double-check your permissions.

 

[kibou]

@Ghost[/URL]

❃


Thankyou.
​

It's no problem. Diplomacy is an interesting topic, and I'm always happy to at least try to help.

 

[The Dark Wizard]

Honestly?


As a RP creator on RpN, you have rights: https://www.rpnation.com/threads/roleplay-rights.93864/


You can delete things, prevent people from joining your RP and if they presist, you report it and we will take official action.


However airing your grievances publically and attacking users is not the way to go.


You want to be elitist? Fine, don't let people into your game, thats your choice.

 

[kibou]

holy hell even tho u deleted ur post maybe we should all practice our diplomacy skills lol

 

[Archie]

❃


Diplomacy: "The art of dealing with people in a sensitive and effective way."


I'm very sorry if this is not where this thread goes, first of all, but I was unsure where else I could ask for direct advice about the content and context of the rules. I have read all of the rules, many times, and I understand that there is a serious focus on being as civil and polite as possible. I appreciate the respectful guidelines, and I know that they help to keep the site a friendly and positive environment.


With that being said, I have a major concern, and a question.


I have noticed that frequently, when posting "searching threads" especially, there are a great many users (who will remain unnamed for privacy sake) who seem to inadvertently disrespect others by refusing to cooperate with basic reading instructions. On a website that is tailored specifically to reading and writing, it can be incredibly offensive for a person to disregard anothers hard work by blatantly skipping it entirely, or ignoring the parts they don't like. Typically, that type of mild incompetence shown on their part fans the flames of fighting and results in verbal warnings and locks all around.


When someone behaves in a way that is willfully ignorant to you, and you would rather not deal with them for your own unspecified reasons, what is the proper way to disengage with this type of person? There is really no pleasant way of saying that you find someone to be unmanageable in their incompetence, that you are angry for their inability to listen and follow instructions, or really any of the other valid reasons to avoid roleplaying or responding at all to a person, without being insulting.


In the effort of not collecting more verbal warnings for my rudeness than I already have, I'm seeking some real advice, honestly. Please, help me, I can be apparently quite demeaning and unpleasant.


❃
​

Not diplomatic: This is why you’ve offended me, this is how you’ve spat on my work and all the long hours I’ve spent, this is why you’re a terrible roleplayer and I never want to RP with you.


Diplomatic: This is why we have the rules, this is how you’ve broken them, and I’d appreciate if you could do this instead. We need them to keep everyone on the same page, and we wouldn’t have any fun if everyone started disrespecting eachother


Don’t make it about you. Make it about the group. Don’t make it about how they’ve badly offended you. Make it about how if they change what they’re doing, they can make the RP more fun for everyone.


You’re trying to find a “pleasant way of saying that you find someone to be unmanageable in their incompetence, that you are angry for their inability to listen and follow instructions, or really any of the other valid reasons to avoid roleplaying or responding at all to a person, without being insulting”


There isn’t. The important thing is what your message is, not how you sugarcoat it. If you say “you can’t be fixed and you've offended me so I'm booting you from the RP” in the nicest possible way, you’ll still get a flame war. But if you say “Do this since it’ll make things a lot smoother” in the rudest way, there’s still a big chance they’ll agree


I hope this helps, it's a quick fix but people will respond a lot better

 

[The Confused Pixie]

Lololol. When users are friendlier than the admins.

 

[The Dark Wizard]

[QUOTE="The Confused Pixie]Lololol. When users are friendlier than the admins.

[/QUOTE]
I don't know I'd say I'm pretty friendly !