Experiences How to Address When a Partner Focuses More on Their OC or Ship?

[Pika]

This is an issue I've had arise a few times with different one on one partners.

And I'm not sure if I just need to be more assertive or if I'm making a big deal out of something minor.

I've been in the beginning stages of discussion and plotting and i try to offer ideas for both characters/pairs and yet my partner only has input or excitement for their character or ship. Is there a polite way to bring it up before it becomes a pattern where you feel a little left out or used? Or is it best to keep things fairly cordial and not say anything, and just try to keep steering conversation so both players are heard and respected? I feel like I'm stuck because I don't feel one character should hog the spotlight, I always give both characters or ships (or whatever the RP entails) equal development and writing (even down to the same amount of lines for every character). I understand some people get hyper-focused on their OC or their ideas around their OCs but is there a way to get your partner to step back and help plot for your own OC or to not get tunnel vision so often?

The last thing I want to do is complain when we're just starting things off but I've had one or two RPers steamroll me even after writing for months together. I want to speak up but not seem insecure and like I want things to be all about my OC, when I just feel some people in some instances, get too into their own OC. I don't want to come off like that myself.

Any advice or stories would be helpful guys!

 

[geode x]

I think you just need to be more assertive. Most people have such a strong aversion to any sort of conflict but honestly it does more harm than good. You just need to flat out say something along the lines of:

"I feel like this is just going to be you roleplaying your fantasy out and I'm not really interested in doing that. Please include my ideas."

I don't think it's rude or mean to demand to be properly included in an activity you are both a part of. Getting your grievances out early is better than becoming invested and getting disappointed when an issue you anticipated becomes a problem later, no?

 

[Idea]

On one hand I agree with geode x - being more assertive, making sure your thoughts are clear is almost always the right answer when it comes to dealing with your partner. Of course, you shouldn't be rude about it, but just telling them what you think isn't being rude, it's how you phrase it that may be rude.

However, there is another side to this coin and that is.... yeah, of course they are more focused and excited over their own pairing and OC. I understand that it is annoying, but it's part of the package of any form of doubling.

Like, imagine that someone says "Hey, if you help me finish this essay, I'll treat you to dinner". The part you'll enjoy is the being treated to dinner. You'll still help them finish the essay, but you'll not muster the same level of attentiveness or enthusiasm than one would ever have for their own things. While I now you're not trying to, it's still important to make this clear: you can't forcibly make a person enjoy something they don't. In no circumstance. They may tell you they enjoy something they don't, but that will just mean they are lying. Which isn't to say they can't enjoy doing the other paring for you, but that in their eyes this is a trade. They put up with your pairing to get theirs. One is a duty, an obligation, a necessary evil, the other is a reward.

Of course, they still agreed to the pairing, and so if nothing else they have to actually contribute. But it isn't the kind of thing someone can do by default, and that should be kept in mind.

 

[PhoenixMire]

On one hand I agree with geode x - being more assertive, making sure your thoughts are clear is almost always the right answer when it comes to dealing with your partner. Of course, you shouldn't be rude about it, but just telling them what you think isn't being rude, it's how you phrase it that may be rude.

However, there is another side to this coin and that is.... yeah, of course they are more focused and excited over their own pairing and OC. I understand that it is annoying, but it's part of the package of any form of doubling.

Like, imagine that someone says "Hey, if you help me finish this essay, I'll treat you to dinner". The part you'll enjoy is the being treated to dinner. You'll still help them finish the essay, but you'll not muster the same level of attentiveness or enthusiasm than one would ever have for their own things. While I now you're not trying to, it's still important to make this clear: you can't forcibly make a person enjoy something they don't. In no circumstance. They may tell you they enjoy something they don't, but that will just mean they are lying. Which isn't to say they can't enjoy doing the other paring for you, but that in their eyes this is a trade. They put up with your pairing to get theirs. One is a duty, an obligation, a necessary evil, the other is a reward.

Of course, they still agreed to the pairing, and so if nothing else they have to actually contribute. But it isn't the kind of thing someone can do by default, and that should be kept in mind.

Exactly.
And this is why RPing can be a huge downer sometimes - it's frustrating when you're really invested in something that your RP partner isn't invested in, or when you feel a little lackluster about their ideas but you much prefer your own.
It's ideal if you can find an RP partner who shares your same interests and will be excited about the same things you are. Otherwise, it just turns RPing into a chore - which is the exact opposite of what it's supposed to be!