Experiences How do you find partners in a sea of 18+ requirements?

[Walliver]

Yes, this is a complaint. I understand it’s a comfort thing, that’s why I scroll through and find it first.

So, my fellow age-restricted players, how do you do it? In a day and age where it seems like every interest check you look at has an age requirement that you don’t fit? Do you get bitter or do you brush it off? Tell me all about it, just in need of some perspective.

 

[Saurosian]

I'm at the point in my roleplaying career where most roleplaying age restrictions don't exclude me, but my approach is the same as it has always been: if someone has an age requirement that I don't fit, then I trust that they know what they're looking for and that we wouldn't be good partners, so I move on. You can't let it make you bitter!

The best advice: if you can't find what you're looking for, make it yourself. (Which, by checking out your interest checks, you clearly are doing.)

You're going to find a lot of roleplays that don't work out for a lot of reasons, and age restrictions is just one of them. It does seem like these restrictions are more prevalent than they used to be and it might be a product of online roleplaying maturing as a hobby. Not really sure.

So yeah, it sucks - but it's just one element of the experience. I hope you're able to find enjoyable RPs in spite of it!

 

[nerdy tangents]

So I don't get turned away for age, but I do have incompatible interest to about 90% of the people in my chosen fandom. I am lucky if I get one positive response when I send out replies, and that positive response usually lasts maybe three posts max.

So I think 99% of the roleplays I start end up falling apart. I suppose it's a little more of an active thing on my part, in that I can certainly choose what stories I want but not what age I am.

But at the end of the day it's still a lot of people telling me "no thanks your not what I'm looking for." regardless. And it can definitely be frustrating.

I find having alternative interests help. I listen to fifty million podcasts (I have an 8hr work shift where I listen to keep from getting bored) so I find that helps keep my mind engaged. In addition I read a lot of fanfic. I also watch the occasional TV show (usually a limited series). So I always have things that aren't roleplaying to fall back on.

This tends to make the inevitable "Sorry I can't do this anymore / I don't think we're that compatible" a lot easier to swallow. Because I have other things to keep me entertained and occupied.

I also find just going into it with the expectation that things are inevitably going to end relatively soon helps as well. If I don't have any expectations it makes for a pleasant surprise when I do actually make a friend or a roleplay gets started.

 

[bastion]

Well I'm another one who's well pay the 18+ limit, so I'm afraid I'm not familiar with your specific frustration.

What I can do though, is tell you it's okay to be a bit frustrated by having to wade through tons of ads just to find one potential partner. It sucks and can be discouraging. Just try to remember that there are partners out there who are in your age range, or are comfortable and responsible enough to roleplay with a minor despite being 18+.

Something you can do, is post your own comprehensive search that you bump everyday. Have it list your details and everything you'd like to roleplay (maybe using spoilers or such to keep it trim), so that people who are compatible with you can find you. That way you're not just relying on the search.

 

[Onmyoji]

Not sure if it makes you feel better, but going through 18+ search threads is no different, since most of those partners would still be incompatible with you, be it plots, fandoms, writing styles or schedules. Need to still check a ton of them before you find something that interests you and even then there is no guarantee the rp will even take off.

What I did before 18 was:
1. Join group rp (those usually don't have age requirements or at least they're more lax).
2. Identify players you're most compatible with in that group.
3. Try to do 1x1 with those players if the group rp dies.
I'm still friends with some of the people I found that way, years after Maybe it also works for you!

 

[nerdy tangents]

To be fair I don’t know that many memes either.

back on topic, fandom platonic stories are also a good place to look. Usually if your doing say “first years entering Hogwarts” no one cares how old you are.

Most of the issues around adults and minors roleplaying is geared towards romance. I have seen a fair number of roleplays where they state specifically they don’t care how old their partner is unless romance comes into it.

So ya might try that.

 

[Onmyoji]

Please do not derail the thread.

 

[BackSet]

I start my own... without blackjack and the other thing because, you know, kids.

And, yes, I realize this is about 1x1s but you'd be surprised how many 18+ group Roleplay are out there.

 

[GojiBean]

Hoyo!

If there is one big takeaway from the restrictions, it's this: It's not personal.

It may feel like it's personal from time to time. But remember that no matter how often you see it the people who put out the Interest Checks don't put them out with restrictions while thinking of you. They do so because it's their personal preference, and sometimes it's just to their comfort, as you pointed out.

So yeah. Don't take things personally.

When you allow things to become personal, you allow toxicity to creep in. Bitterness, resentment, anger, frustration. All of them are legitimate feelings when you come across a barrier to something that makes you happy. But if you let them creep in and remain unchecked you'll only cause yourself more suffering. And the one who ends up becoming toxic... Is yourself.

Don't descend into toxicity, and don't take it personally.

Let the restrictions fall off your shoulders. When you see an RP that seems like it would be a good fit, but it's age restricted, shrug it off. There's always going to be more RP's about that topic that pop up in the future. The time isn't now. And that's okay because it doesn't have to be now.

There's all the time in the world for role-playing after school, work, and social activities you enjoy. And it'll always be here waiting for you.

Cheers!

~ GojiBean

 

[viceroy]

I'm patient. Some people are okay with roleplaying with minors. A lot of them aren't. It's a lot better to be honest with your age, however, because if you lie and deceive someone else to get what you want from them, then you likely are not as "mature" as you think. While I'm a little sad when I see someone who I would enjoy roleplaying with had there not been an age gap/requirement, I usually brush it off. I have other things to do besides roleplay. There are also websites and platforms where finding others to roleplay with isn't so difficult because they reach a wider audience (Amino and Discord are ones I can name off the top of my head).

Anyways, I'm sad but I can wait. I'll be 18 soon enough lol.

(Off-topic, but I see that "Be More Chill" reference in your signature and I am happy to find someone who knows about it.)

 

[Jannah]

From my time on this site I have learned that patience is key. It has taken me MONTHS in some cases to find RP's I have stuck with and partners I mesh well with. However, those RP's have all been extremely fun and engaging. I think a similar principle could apply to age requirements as well. Eventually you will find a partner who fits, but it may take some time. Oftentimes it can be worth the wait too.

 

[DamnTheStyx]

Back in ye’ olde’ days (I know, I know, 2016 was quite some time ago, huh?), I just moved on with it when I wasn’t eligible. Of course, this might’ve just been me being me and having some strange neural wiring, but I find it that as long as you weren’t invested in an RT, you lose nothing. Of course, say you do find yourself getting attached. Really, my only advice is to keep your head up and get moving,