Experiences Do you have a busy life or are you socially anxious?

[Sylvio]

This might be a reductionist title but hear me out. When rps stop abruptly and it can be pretty frustrating and when I stop posting I do feel guilty about being too late with my posts and just give up entirely without letting anyone know. Now there have been times where I had to take time away from rping for responsibilities irl but the biggest reason I just stop posting stems from social anxiety. When I feel like I’m taking too long to post and I think people are silently judging me for not getting my posts in on time. So I just disappear until I’m in a group with the same people and I do the same thing LMAO. Or I just don’t trust that I can gm properly and run a decent roleplay to save my life

I’ve been on this site for nearly 6 years now and I can guarantee no one has criticized me for being late with posts or questioned my competence to gm. 9 times out of 10 there’s usually a check in of gms wondering if I’m interested. I genuinely am interested when they ask but my low self esteem keeps me from feeling like I’m good enough to even write with other people just because I don’t trust my own ability to write

I’m working to overcome my social anxiety and have more confidence in myself so I don’t have to worry about making my posts “perfect.” But obviously, rps stop for tons of different reasons and I’m only going off my own experiences and how I am responsible for stopping rps

I also decided to pop the question as the thread title just cause I’m curious to see if other people feel the same way

 

[Idea]

Well, from what I can tell your experience is actually rather common. I've argued in the past - and still would - that depression and anxiety are alongside IRL complications the biggest reasons for the prevalence of ghosting on the site. I think it's rather understandable given the reasons are beyond your control. There's no shortage of people I've talked to who've told me they are dealing with issues like that precisely, and though we don't really RP nowadays we're good friends, or at least I would think we are.

There are methods to help of course - much like exercising, a lot of things come down to gradually shifting your comfort zone - but no real short term solutions. What I can tell you though, is that you are absolutely right on people being a lot more forgiving and less judging than the impression you get. I can't guarantee everyone will be like this, of course, but for certain many will welcome you with open arms if you simply show back up and apologize. Probably easier with 1x1s than groups that are more sensitive to collapse, but that's a nuance.

I wish you the best of luck in dealing with these issues.

 

[StuartAnderson]

i'm 100% the same. because I often post daily or multiple times a day, when I can't for a few days I get anxious and it just puts me off so I wait longer and it can spiral. particulary if i'm doing longer or advanced lit because they take more time and energy so it's harder to get back into it.
Once I'm back in, it's fine and I love it, just taking that step can be hard.

Because I am quite flexible on reply length etc and I usually have multiple roleplays on the go, I'll ususally do 1 or 2 of the 'easier' roleplays first and then i'm back in and excited to rp again and it makes tackling the bigger ones easier. m

 

[Perpetual Zen]

This might be a reductionist title but hear me out. When rps stop abruptly and it can be pretty frustrating and when I stop posting I do feel guilty about being too late with my posts and just give up entirely without letting anyone know. Now there have been times where I had to take time away from rping for responsibilities irl but the biggest reason I just stop posting stems from social anxiety. When I feel like I’m taking too long to post and I think people are silently judging me for not getting my posts in on time. So I just disappear until I’m in a group with the same people and I do the same thing LMAO. Or I just don’t trust that I can gm properly and run a decent roleplay to save my life

I’ve been on this site for nearly 6 years now and I can guarantee no one has criticized me for being late with posts or questioned my competence to gm. 9 times out of 10 there’s usually a check in of gms wondering if I’m interested. I genuinely am interested when they ask but my low self esteem keeps me from feeling like I’m good enough to even write with other people just because I don’t trust my own ability to write

I’m working to overcome my social anxiety and have more confidence in myself so I don’t have to worry about making my posts “perfect.” But obviously, rps stop for tons of different reasons and I’m only going off my own experiences and how I am responsible for stopping rps

I also decided to pop the question as the thread title just cause I’m curious to see if other people feel the same way

Oh my, yes, of course I have been here so many times! Anxiety is really a nasty beast.
I over come periods of anxiety with these tools: I've used soothing stones, marbles, little things which give me tactile comfort. Certainly this may not immedietly help with role playing complications but it may help sooth. Maybe having a soothing object near you when your about to write will help. For jogging my brain into creativity I often just write lists or words or vague idea's. I don't jump right into a post and sometimes that helps anxiety.

We judge ourselves

Sometimes, I'll even get myself out of an environment which makes me feel anxious. I remember writing a lot in campus libraries growing up . Big. Quiet. Cozy. Sometimes I'd fall asleep among the books wake up and write some more lol

I really wish you luck conquering this anxiety. Those adrenal glands are such a butt

 

[Steve Jobs]

I think roleplaying and writing in general became a lot easier for me when I learned the phrase "finished is better than perfect." While we should strive for quality, it's very easy to get a writing version of feature creep. Your post is delayed so you feel the need to improve it to justify the amount of time, which leads you to delaying it further so you need to improve it further...and it never ends until you feel so bad you just feel too guilty to try.

You're often your harshest critic but As someone who has been in this position, the GM, and the other player waiting, I want to ensure you that people are more friendly than you think. If you weren't a good match for the people you are writing with, you wouldn't be in the roleplay in the first place!

Not every post needs to be the pinnacle of your writing prowess. Sometimes you just need to push out something good enough to pass off to the next person. Believe me, I've posted a few stinkers in the past and put out something better once I got over that slump.

With all of this in mind, it's better to be honest with your writing partners so that you can all decide on how to move forward.

I wish you all the best in overcoming this!

 

[cheeseburger90210]

Sorry to hear you have social anxiety.....
overlook people judgements and opinions. some people are just trolls. ignore them.

sorry to hear you have low self esteem......

there is no such thing as “perfect” roleplay. roleplay however you want. there is no such thing as pro-roleplayer. just try to post something 15 lines long. there is no rules that you got to be good at roleplaying to roleplay. any body can role play. Even if its two lines. do whatever you want.

you will be posting and having fun in no time.
just have fun with it.
make your own forum and post whatever you want. forget “perfect.”

 

[wordmaven]

To my dismay, yes. Your situation is very similar to mine. I honestly feel guilty for not being able to deliver what I've promised (implied) whenever I GM a group. Despite the stress, I still try to remind myself that this is supposed to be a hobby and not a chore. I don't believe that the folk I GMed for judge me, which leaves only my own high standards & unrealistic expectations to macerate my will. I still remain passionate about roleplay & writing though.